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"Killian, are you asleep?"
Emma says, as she is lying in bed, curled up at his side with her head on his chest. She is most certain he isn't. She knows the way his chest rises and falls slowly when he is sleeping, snoring lightly.
Now his breath is still uneven, his arm around her waist, hand protectively over her stomach.
"No love, not yet." He kisses the top of her head. "Do you need anything?"
"I was just...thinking. About the baby." As if on cue, Killian's hand starts stroking the little bump, his palm flat against her stomach.
"What about the little duckling, love?" Emma's heart flutters every time Killian calls their baby "duckling", his voice so sweet and full of love. He loves the baby so much already, did so for the moment he learnt about its existence and it only seems to grow every passing day.
"Well, I was thinking; she needs a name."
They found out they were having a baby girl five days ago. Killian had tears in his eyes as he held her hand, whispering "A little lass, love. A daughter.” She couldn't hold her tears either. A daughter. A little girl half her and half Killian. Their baby to love and protect, forever.
"Indeed she does. But I thought you said we should wait. That it is too early to start preparing for her just yet." He says, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
Yeah, Emma had said that.
Killian was just so excited, so much that when he got home from the docks the other day he was carrying a little stuffed duckling with a bright pink ribbon wrapped around its neck. "Our little duckling's first toy" he called it. And it was sweet, really sweet but overwhelming too. It wasn't that she wanted to run, she was way past that, but she wasn't quite ready for whatever that was. It's just normal, she had a few more months to prepare, right?
It's not like she doesn't want this baby, she does.
But Killian being a dad, bringing their baby a toy already, makes it all so real. A real toy. For their real baby. Her and Killian's. A little girl, that will be here in a few months. It's nice but scary. So she panicked, of course she did. She told Killian it's too early, that she won't be here for another five months, that she doesn't need a toy when she can't play with it yet. Killian naturally didn't snap. He knows when she needs time, always did. So he kissed her temple lovingly, muttering an "as you wish" before locking the stuffed toy in his nightstand drawer, so she wouldn't have to see it again.
What did she do to deserve him, really? Her walls are down now, thanks to Henry and Killian and her parents. She doesn't run anymore. She found home. But some things never change, and some of her demons haunt her still. So yeah, she panicked. And now Killian probably feels guilty over caring for their baby, over loving her so much. Terrible wife that she is, she lets him.
For the last few days after the toy incident he is different. She sees she wants to touch her stomach but stops himself, his hand hovering over her abdomen awkwardly, except nights like this, when he can't help it. He tries not to talk about the baby much apart from the necessary questions:
"Have you eaten, love?"
"Do you feel tired?"
"Do you crave something? I will go fetch it."
He isn't cross with her. They still kiss until they're out of breath, walk hand in hand, sleep cuddled close at night. But he doesn't want to push her. Instead he follows her pace, as always.
The truth is, Emma is excited for the baby. Her daughter. She is. Sometimes she closes her eyes and thinks of her. Wonders how she will look. Will she have Killian's blue eyes? Her hair or his? Will she inherit Killian's pointy ears? Will she be feisty like her, loving like her pirate? Will Emma be a good mum to her? Will her baby love her? She hasn't done this before, mother a baby. It's new and amazing and terrifying.
Maybe it's her guilt over missing all these years with Henry, getting him his first toy, being excited over his arrival. Maybe the guilt stops her from fully embracing the fact that she will be a mum again, have a baby with her true love.
But that's unfair to her daughter. She deserves being loved and taken care of. She deserves getting a room, with her name painted on the door. She deserves stuffed toys, and cute onesies and a crib and a rocking chair and her dad fussing all over her, even before she is born.
And a name. Because she is real and she will arrive soon and Emma is stupid for panicking because this is what she wants. And she won't let another baby of hers feel unloved because of her damn issues. She will spend her life making it up to Henry and she isn't making the same mistake with her little girl. Especially now that she is ready, she is prepared and she has a family that will always have her back. And Killian.
And that is what brings her here, having midnight conversations about a name, her fingers stroking her husband's forearm.
"I know what I said." Emma says in a low voice, excited because she knows Killian will be happy with what comes next, just as happy as she is. "Maybe I changed my mind."
She turns to look at him, not wanting to miss his expression. "Maybe it's time to start preparing for her now. I want it to feel real, because it is. She is real and she is perfect."
His whole face lights up. "Does that mean I can, perhaps I can show my love now?"
"You have my full permission to spoil her rotten." She smiles widely and puts his hand over his on her stomach.
"Really, love? Because I am planning to do just that. Show her how loved she is. My daughter. Ours."
He takes his eyes off of her to look at their joined hands resting on the slight curve of her bump. He looks so incredibly happy and in all honesty, Emma is too. She feels happy and free, like a huge weight just got lifted of her shoulders.
"That still doesn't answer my question though." Killian raises his eyebrow at that. "She needs a name. We need to call her something other than 'duckling'."
"I don't know love." He chuckles, his mood significantly improved now. "I am rather fond of it. Maybe we should keep it."
"Hey!" Emma playfully hits him on the shoulder and he fakes pain, instantly making her laugh. "I'm being serious. I want us to name her. Or consider names, I don't know. I won't sleep until we find something."
"Well, love, I have an idea." He moves his hand to scratch behind his ear nervously. "Had it for quite some time, actually. I just didn't know when you would be ready to hear."
"Okay, now I'm intrigued. Do tell. I'm ready." She takes his hand in hers and interlaces their fingers, squeezing gently.
Killian sits up straighter taking Emma with him, not wanting her to leave the circle of his arms.
He takes a deep breath.
"Leia."
"Leia?" Emma sounds taken aback. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't it.
"Love, let me explain." Killian sounds nervous, unlike his usual self. "Remember our adventure in the enchanted forest? The second time, I mean. When we fell into the portal?"
"Practically I fell, and my stubborn pirate followed me." Emma says to make him smile, ease his nerves, and it works. "Of course I remember."
"Love, that day...That's when I knew."
"Knew what, Killian?"
"That I wanted a future. That I wanted to stay for you. With you. Forever. And that maybe I had a chance. I loved you long before that, even before Neverland."
Emma looks at him surprised, tears prickling in her eyes.
"But when I saw my Princess Leia" he continues, "fierce and strong and beautiful, I knew I wanted to settle down with you. Build a home together. When the evil queen took you, gods Emma, I had never been more scared in my life. And when I saw you again, my tough lass, my pirate, all brave and brilliant, I knew. I knew I wanted to marry you, if you would have me. And then we came back and you kissed me...I swear love, I wouldn't have told you about the ship. Ever. But you asked and I was taken aback and I loved you and you gave me that look, like you were seeing right through my soul. And I couldn't lie. Not to you. Never to you. You kissed me and I felt alive, I felt like my heart was ready to explode, suddenly awaken. After years of pain and tragedy, something finally made sense. I knew I loved you and that was enough to keep me going. You brought me home that day, Emma."
A pause.
"Leia."
"Leia" Emma repeats after him, testing the name on her tongue. She is crying and Killian is holding her so close. He wipes her tears with his thumb, stroking her cheek, and that's when she sees he is crying too.
"Emma, if you don't like it, it's okay. It's just a suggestion. We don't have to-"
Emma puts her hand over his mouth, shushing him.
"Killian, it's perfect."
"Really? You like it?"
"I love it. Absolutely. There is nothing more fitting to us. To our story."
Emma smiles through her tears. She is just so happy, she can't find a reason for having doubts before.
"And you got me emotional. Damn pregnancy hormones!"
That makes both of them laugh.
" Killian, that kiss, after our adventure, was when I knew I could be vulnerable with you. I knew I could trust you."
Killian kissed her then, slow and gentle and perfect, pouring all his love for her, for them both.
"So, Leia?" He whispered.
"Yeah. Our Leia. In the enchanted forest, did you use middle names?"
"Don't think so, love. Only a few people, maybe."
"She doesn't need one either. Unless we find something really cool, you know."
He giggles at that. Emma is still not over the fact that Captain Hook giggles and it is actually the most adorable giggle she has ever heard.
"Leia Swan-Jones" Emma announces and Killian looks awestruck as he nods, still not quite realizing he is having a child. A child that will share his and Swan's name. A perfect combination of them both.
"Perfect." He bends down to kiss her stomach, their baby, Leia.
"I love you, Leia." He whispers.
Emma puts her hand through his hair, as he continues whispering sweet nothings to their baby.
"Killian."
"Aye, love." He looks up to her.
"When I was young..."
She is hesitant and he smiles at her encouragingly.
"When I was young, I was just a lost little girl running from foster home to foster home. Scared. Lonely. I had nothing to hold on."
"This is all in the past, love. You will never be alone again."
"I know now. But back then, I was hopeless. Until I found something. Someone."
She feels Killian tense. He has no idea what she is talking about, she knows. He looks at her with wonder.
"She was there for me, always. She taught me to be brave. A hero like her. She taught me how to be badass, never give up, always fight for what's right, never depend on anyone but myself. She gave me all the courage I needed to get up and fight when I thought I was nothing."
"Love, who was her?"
"She is a princess. Her name is Leia. She isn't a real person, well for me she kinda is, because she was there for me more than any other person but-. Ugh, forget it, I am just babbling."
Emma is blushing now. "She is a fictional character. From a movie. But ten year old me thought of her as a friend. She was my buddy. Emma and Leia. Leia never left, she was there for as long as I needed her. I thought my life was an adventure, a movie, and I had to be strong like her. She helped me."
Killian's mouth was open, clearly surprised, unable to say a word.
"What I mean to say is, I would love to name our daughter after her. She helped me become a swan and I just know she will inspire our own little duckling too. That's why I called myself Princess Leia back then. I guess I always wanted to be her, in a way. A badass princess."
"That you are love. You are 'badass',"
He punctuates the word, still not used to this world's vocabulary.
"and you are definitely a princess. This Leia of yours would be proud of who you have become. And I wish I could meet the lass, so I could properly thank her for being there for you when I couldn't."
God, she loves him so much.
"Well, we can always watch the movies, if you want. See the person that shaped me, the person I want our daughter to look up to."
"I would love nothing more, Swan."
Next day, Killian is introduced to the "Star Wars" universe by Emma and Henry.
As expected, he loves it.
The day after, they start preparing the baby's room.
"Leia" is written on the door with big wooden letters.
The first thing they put to the still half-painted nursery, is a little stuffed duckling with a bright pink ribbon on its neck.
Leia's first toy.