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‘Those Japanese fans are mad fer it in a strange way, ya know. They call me things like “aniki”…which I thought sounded like “anarchy” at first, but that wasn’t the case. Apparently, “aniki” means “big brother”, Liam.’ Noel muttered to his brother, who was silently sipping a cup of tea next to him.
‘So? You’re my big brother.’ Liam replied, not caring much about his brother’s ramblings that were triggered by jet lag.
‘Yeah, but they seem to know something else,’ Noel snapped back.
‘What are ya on about? I know jet lag’s a massive fucking pain but…’ Liam tried to calm down his older brother.
‘One of the blokes that deal with us while we’re here, had told me that his girlfriend loved “slash”.
Liam grunted.
‘Why the fuck would he tell you that some bird likes Slash from Guns and wotsit?’
Noel shrugged.
‘That’s what I thought. But he said something about his girlfriend’s Internet habits were “disgusting” and “demented”. And he wondered how his girlfriend could read “that stuff”’
‘How can anyone “read” a musician?’
Noel turned to his brother, who still was confused by the entire situation, just as he was confused the day before.
‘So, I asked the bloke what the hell he was talking about. I also told him I know fuck all about the Internet, and that he
better explain to me what that means. And he said,
“She’s reading all these stories published on the Internet; mostly in English, and some in Japanese. The genres of the stories are called slash, the stories revolved around Oasis, and that slash has something to do with homosexuality.”
I asked him “How can anyone write a story about Oasis?”
He said,
“But they are not ordinary stories! She wants to fantasise that you and your brother are lovers, and that Andy and Gem are lovers too!”
Liam snorted, and replied,
‘I only wrote “I could be your lover”, not “I’m your lover”.
‘So that got lost in translation, I guess,’ Noel grabbed Liam’s cup of tea, and started drinking it.
‘Oi, Noel. That’s my tea, get yer own!’
‘I’m thirsty, Liam.’
Liam shrugged and glanced at his cup, which was now empty.
‘So are the Japanese the people that write this stuff?’ Liam asked innocuously.
‘Apparently, it’s not just the Japanese. There’s an English language website or summat that seems to have people from different countries’
‘So, in these mad, crazy people’s heads, “slash” means “homosexual” and “brother” can be translated into “lover”?’
‘Yeah, and “I hate you and you’re a cunt” apparently translates to “I love you”, in their language.’
This time, it was Liam’s turn to be confused.
‘Noel, you say things like “I hate you”, but I’ve thought that to be “I love you”.
Noel grumbled and buried his face in his hands, trying to make some sense of the situation.
‘Don’t you know what this means? They want to think we love each other!
‘Don’t we?’
‘It’s not a question of love; it’s a question of what kind of love!’ Noel nearly shouted.
‘What’s with the shouting?’ Gem and Andy walked in the hotel room; upon hearing Noel’s louder than usual voice.
‘Some birds on the Internet think we are more than brothers,’ Liam briefly explained to the other two.
‘Yeah, but you two are very close as brothers, though.’ Andy remarked.
‘Shhhh!’ warned Gem, panicking at what Noel or Liam would say about it.
‘You two been keeping secrets?’ Noel asked suspiciously. First it was jet lag, then hearing about this strange thing called slash. Now what?
‘It’s just…you’re close to each other, and there have been pictures of both of you kissing each other. Some people might get the wrong impression,’ Gem calmly answered, hoping neither of them would smack him or Andy in the gob.
‘Wrong impression? We’re brothers!' Noel briskly answered.
‘What’s with you freaking out, Noel? Some stories on the Internet won’t hurt us; you barely even use the Internet anyway,’ Liam told his brother, in an attempt to calm him down.
‘Andy and Gem have it easy; after all, they’re not related.’
‘What are you on about?’ Andy asked.
‘Some birds on the Internet also think you and Gem are lovers,’ Noel tiredly replied.
‘Who cares what people say about Oasis or any of us? Only we know the truth,’ Gem shrugged, hoping to end the conversation.
‘Yeah, Noelie. Don’t worry bout it. If anything, they’re better than the tabloids who claim we hate each other. You say they lose things in translation, but they know how to translate “I hate you and you’re a cunt”. Just. Like. Me.’