Chapter Text
John gives him a hug when they meet again.
And though it's quick and light, Washington can still feel the hidden intimacy in it and it makes his stomach churn.
“Hi.” John whispers and Washington nods at him in response.
Hes finally figured out how to tell him.
Tell him the truth.
They take a seat in their usual spot, yet something feels...off.
Off in the bad way and he isn't talking about the John situation.
Suddenly he feels uncomfortable, vulnerable. His instincts are telling him something is wrong, something isn't right but he just can't focus on it because John is already talking.
“Alexander came by the house yesterday.” He says quietly and Washington realizes his voice is hoarse. He doesn't ask why though.
“Why was he there?” Washington asks and instead and John shrugs.
“I don't really know. He had some meeting with Jefferson in the back.”
“Did you see what he looked like?” Washington asks.
“Not even a glimpse.” John shakes his head and Washington clears his throat.
“How come Alexander can see him and not you?” Washington looks a John and the boy swallows and looks down.
“Jefferson likes his privacy. Alexander was useful in more ways than the one I'm useful in. He helped him, he was kinda like what he is to you.”
“A friend?”
“A secretary.”
The older man looks away.
Something isn't right.
“He spoke to me.” Johns voice cracks and it goes hoarse again.
“What did he say?” Washington raises a brow.
“That he misses me. And that he’s sorry for leaving me here. He told me that once everything calms down, he's going to come back for me and buy me out.”
“Buy you out?”
“It's complicated.” John gives a smile though there's no happiness in it. “I'm kind of in debt here.”
“Why are you in debut?” Washington asks boldly and John shrugs.
“I use to go to New York University. They expelled me for...interesting forms of protest and beliefs. They only wanted me to study what they studied and I just couldn't do it. Before they expelled me they took away my scholarship, but I still continued to go and racked up quite the check. I had to finish paying 30 grand on my own. I had no money, no job, and I was facing jail time if I didn't pay. I had nowhere else to go. Alexander told me about Jefferson. He payed me, and I was able to get out of debt easy. Turns out I was selling my soul to something far more horrific.”
Washington stares with his jaw open.
“Alexander introduced you...to a pimp?” He is shaking his head.
It doesn't sound like Alexander.
“It wasn't like that. I needed some money and if Alexander bought in recruiters-”
“You mean innocent unknowing children.” Washington says angrily.
“He would get something for himself to.” John continues.
“So he used you to get what he wanted.” Washington looks away in anger.
“I told you he had his faults.” John tried to reckon but Washington only shook his head more.
“That is wrong.” He said and suddenly John went silent.
They both stare at the table silently as some bystanders look on with worried expressions.
And Washington just doesn't know what to say.
Alexander should've told him.
Alexander shouldn't have done it at all.
He's lost in his thoughts when he hears John laughing.
“I don't get it.” Washington says, confusion laced in his voice and face. ”What's so funny?”
John continues to chuckle lightly. He closes his eyes, a smile still on his face.
“It's just….I...you're still going to help him aren't you?” He looks at Washington and Washington looks back down again.
“Thought so.” John says and he's up and leaving. Washington follows soon after.
“I know it's hard to understand.” He says, the bell from the door ringing loud on his exit.
“It's not hard to understand George. You have unconditional love for him, which is fine.”
“Love is a strong word for someone you met two months ago.” Washington tries but John is laughing again.
“And that's what makes it so amazing to watch.”
They stand in silence again, snow covering the ground and the night sky painting the scenery around them.
“I don't know what to think about it.” Washington says looking down. “Good people do bad things sometimes.”
“And bad people can trick good people sometimes George.” And John sounds tired, he sounds tired and sad and Washington really doesn't know what to do.
“Well.” John says and his eyes are closed. “I'm not giving up on you. You're going to see that Alexander isn't really what you think and when you do, I'm gonna be right here.”
“You don't really sound like his best friend.” Washington says, annoyance clearly in his voice.
“But I am. And that's what makes me so honest.” John zips up his coat and begins his journey home.
“New York University on a full scholarship. I was amazing.” He says silently his back still turned away from Washington.
“You're very well educated. Smart.” Washington says.
“I was.” Comes John.
“You still are.” Washington tries again.
“No. Not anymore. Because if I was. I wouldn't be here.”
He stops moving and Washington thinks he can hear him cry but he isn't sure.
“I should've stayed in South Carolina.”
He thinks of Alexander.
I should've stayed in the snow.
“Some of these things happen for a reason John. And I'm not talking about all this. I'm talking about you leaving the University.”
“Leaving that university was the best thing I ever did. It's who I left with, that was the worst.”
“Alexander?”
“That wasn't Alexander. Alexander isn't here. He left a long time ago. Way before you met him that night.”
“I'm sorry John. But he's my friend. And I care for him deeply. Just like I care for you.”
“Right. George Washington. The kind caring man who understands.”
Washington remains silent.
“You know what happens to skin in fire?” He asks and Washington shifts.
“It burns.”
“Maybe so.” John shrugs and he begins his walk towards Brooklyn street.
“Guess we'll find out.”
__________________________________________________________
“I love it!” Peggy screams twirling around in her cotillion gown.
“It's...just...so…” Eliza looks on with a horrid and uncomfortable look on her face.
“Amazing!” Screams Angelica as she stands and smiles at her little sister.
Washington just chuckles along.
“At first I wasn't sure of it but now that it's on your body. Peggy you look absolutely stunning.” She gives her sister a sweet smile and Peggy beams in response.
“I suppose you do look very lovely. Even if the dress is that dress.” Eliza says through gritted teeth and they all shake their heads at her.
Alexander remains silent on the couch while they talk.
And Washington notices.
Later, when everyone goes home Alexander stays behind.
“Are you alright?” Washington asks and Alexander shrugs.
“I'm fine.”
“You don't seem fine.”
“Ok then I don't seem fine.” He snaps and it takes Washington back.
He raises an eyebrow at the boy and Alexander avoids his eyes.
“What's wrong.” Washington asks and Alexander shakes his head.
“It's nothing. I'm handling it.”
Washington doesn't ask what he means by that.
He doesn't have the energy to.
______________________________________________
Lafayette comes into his room the next morning.
“Hello my friend.” He says cautiously, tiptoeing into Washington's office.
And for a moment Washington relaxes at the sound of his voice and goes to reply, except he's remembering that night. The one in which Lafayette showed his true opinions of George.
He stays silent.
Lafayette remains silent as well, but he doesn't leave, instead takes a seat on the couch.
Another few beats of silence goes by and suddenly he is speaking.
“I'm sorry. About what I said. I was afraid and panicked and I let my worst judgment get the best of me. But George you must know, I never truly thought about it like that. You have to believe me I really was in a bad mindset.”
Washington swallows.
“Martha has been the only person I ever truly loved and gave myself to.”
“And that's why I was so upset when I thought about you and Alexander. I just couldn't believe it. George I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
He stills.
Lafayette has always been his best friend. There was never anyone that could read him so perfectly. There was never anyone who had the right things to say at the right time always.
There never will be anyone.
“I would never do that.” Washington says and Laf laughs.
“And I will never doubt it again.”
They go silent again.
“It's just. You're always so kind. So willing. I thought for a split second that maybe it was a sham.”
“Why did you think that?”
“I look at Alexander, I see the way he works and I come to the conclusion. This boy is both better and worse than I expected. And I know you like to fix things, fix people. Your caring nature makes you vulnerable to attack. I thought Alexander got to you. I thought he broke you.”
“No one will ever break me.”
“Guess we will have to wait and see.”
He thinks of John.
Guess we'll find out.
“I guess so.”
“So.” Lafayette claps his hands and stands up adjusting his red suit. “Are we friends again? Old men trying to still look young.”
“I am young.” Washington stands and suddenly he feels 10 pounds lighter. “You're the one that's old as dirt.”
“Lies my friend. Stop with the lies. I'm 22.”
Lafayette wiggles to the door as Washington chuckles on. When Washington meets at the door and they shake hands, but after a moment they hug.
“Theres my little wolf. Smelling like coffee and Dior cologne.”
Washington makes a face and returns to his desk. Lafayette opens the door.
And before he leaves out he looks back at Washington, gives him a smile.
“I will see you later.”
And he is gone.
Washington takes a seat and goes back to work, suddenly feeling a lot better.
Alexander walks in.
“I'm assuming you and your french boyfriend are back together.” He says unimpressed pointing to the hall.
“Yes, we have figured things out and are friends if that's what you mean.” Washington shakes his head.
Alexander takes a seat.
“That's good. I can't imagine the two of you not being friends. You're both too kind.”
“You say this of him even after the things he said about you?” Alexander shrugs.
“He didn't know the truth. He went off of what he seen. It happens to the best of us.” Alexander says and Washington raises an eyebrow.
“Really? You, forgiving? That's unheard of.” And the young boy laughs.
“I suppose so. But I've been changing lately. For the better I hope.”
“You have.” Replies Washington. He thinks back to the news John told him.
“Could I ask you something?” He asks and Alexander tilts his head.
“What?”
“Can good people do bad things?”
It's goes silent and at first Washington thinks he's said too much.
“Good people can do bad things. But bad people can also do good things.” He says simply.
“Would you consider yourself bad or good?” Washington asks and he can see Alexander's grip on the couch tighten.
“I would consider myself both.”
And no, he won't stop asking questions, not when he's so close.
“And what makes you bad?” Washington asks and they're staring at eachother now, tension deep in their irises.
“I've aided a horrible man in the destruction of innocent kids.”
And Washington knows he's talking about John. He's talking about John and bringing him into the whorehouse for his own gain. Making Jefferson powerful.
Washington relaxes a little and looks away to escape the growing heat between the two. But when he looks back at Alexander the boy is still just as intense.
“You've gotten over the hard part. Was that not the reason you are half of a bad person?” He asks and Alexander shakes his head.
“One of the reasons yes, but I'm afraid asking me why I'm a bad person was not the hard part.”
Washington stays silent.
“Asking us what we did wrong isn't what humans have a hard time with. We know why we are horrible. We know why we are bad. It's why we are good is the hard part. It's why we should be forgiven. That's hardest.” Alexander looks down
“Then why are you a good person Alexander?” Washington swallows. He waits for the answer as he stares at the young boy that will soon provide it.
Alexander's body looks empty, it looks afraid. It looks as if the past has laid itself upon his skin and he can no longer hide from it. His mouth is slightly parted almost as if the boy is going to say something. Answer the question.
But Washington isn't stupid.
He's been in this situation too many times to count.
He knows Alexander won't share anything he doesn't want to share, and if he did want to answer the question, he would have answered it a long time ago.
So instead Washington waits and see what excuse Alexander will use to get out of this predicament.
And as if on cue, the secretary phone is ringing and Alexander is leaving to pick it up.
And maybe Washington should be mad and upset and worried. But he just can't seem to be any of those.
Maybe he's a little relieved.
Because yeah Alexander is right, maybe it's not the reasons that make you bad that are so hard to say. Maybe it's the reasons you're good.
And maybe Washington isn't ready to hear Alexander's reasons on why he is a good person.
Because maybe Alexander doesn't have any.