Chapter Text
Sitting
Ed
We had packed up three camp chairs when we ran from the house. Two adult ones and one for Sophia. During one of Ed's rampages he managed to push me over one of the chairs and break it. It didn't matter that he had done it, I knew that from then on I wouldn't be having a chair. Even after a beating and a hard days work, I'd still lower myself to the damp ground to eat.
“Mama you can have my chair.” Sophia said one evening, when my sides were aching from a beating and the thought of sitting back down and then standing back up made me wince.
“No sweetheart.” I smiled, “But thank you for offering.”
“What's that meant to mean?” Ed snapped, and I flinched,
“Nothing, I was just being polite.”
“Do you think you should be sitting in my seat?” Ed growled, “You are a fucking woman! I am the head of this family? I'm the breadwinner!”
Inside my head, in the tiny bit of me that he hadn't beaten I argued with him. I said that he may well have been the breadwinner before the turn. However, nowadays, I do all of the work. I'm sure that if I wasn't here Ed would have been kicked out. I cook and clean whilst he does nothing.
He grabbed my hair and knocked my bowl of stew to the ground.
“There, now you don't have to worry about where you are going to sit to eat.” He growled.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sophia look into her empty bowl in horror.
“I've sorted the problem for you bitch.”
“Ed, shush, please. People are going to see!” I pleaded, I don't think I could have stood the looks of pity.
“No one will help you bitch. They all hate you. They all know they'd be better off without you. Everyone thinks that. Fucking useless bitch.” He threw me to the floor and I landed too close to the fire and burnt my arm. “Probably best you didn't eat it, I'm stuck with the only fat woman at the end of the world, and you made it, so it tastes like shit anyway.”
I jumped up and Sophia followed me as I took the three empty bowls to be cleaned. I quickly dipped my arm into the cool water, soothing the burn.
“Mama I’m so sorry.” Sophia whispered, I could see she had tears in her eyes, “I didn't mean to start anything and I finished mine to quickly and...”
“Phia.” I laughed, “Don't be silly. Of course it isn't your fault.”
“But I set him...”
“If it wasn't that, it would have been something else.” I sighed,
Lori walked past carefully avoiding my eyes, “Lori,” I cried out and she jumped, “Is Sophia ok to have a sleepover with Carl tonight?”
She must have seen the pleading in my eyes, “Oh of course Carol, I’m sure Carl would love that.”
When she walked off Sophia grabbed my hand, “Mama, please don't send me away, he'll hurt you.”
“But he won't hurt you. I'll be fine Phia.”
Daryl,
“The fuck y'doin down there woman?”
I jump as Daryl does that thing where he just appears out of nowhere. He looks down at where I’m sitting on the ground with my bowl of stew. I suddenly feel nervous.
“Sorry,” I say, “I didn't...I mean I should have realised that you wanted to be alone.”
The thing with Daryl and I is still pretty new. Ever since I flung myself at him when he returned with Sophia. She is having a sleepover with Beth tonight so I thought I would join him in his camp for dinner. Obviously, that was a bad move. I quickly jump to my feet and go to leave, my face burning red. I am stopped by an arm around my waist.
“That's not what I meant! Woman! I always want to be with you.”
“Oh,” I say, turning to face him, and placing a kiss on his cheek before I move away and resume my place back on the ground, motioning towards the chair with my head as I do, “Sophia is sleeping in the house with Beth, I thought you might like some company.”
“And I always do, from you at least.” He smiles that smile that is purely for me, “But, I repeat my question, what are y'doin down there?”
“I'm eating.” I say, feeling confused, “It's easier to do that sitting down.”
“But why are you on the ground?”
“Cos you only have one chair.” I say still feeling confused, “Sit down, will you? Your food'll get cold.”
“Woman!” He says exasperatedly, “What kind of a man would I be if I sat in a chair while my woman sat on the ground?”
My ex-husband. Luckily, I realise before I speak how insulting that would be to Daryl. Instead I stutter out,
“But...But it's your chair.”
“And you're my woman!” He says with an eye roll. “I ain't having you sitting at my feet like a fuckin' dog. I know I don't look it, but I’m a gentleman. Men offer women their seats.”
I scoff, thinking back many years to the last time someone offered their seat up to me.
“Oh, thank you. Well. I'm already wet now. Next time I promise.” I say, smiling that he is being so thoughtful,
“Woman! Will y'just get up and sit in the damn seat?”
“What?” I say with a laugh,
“Get up. And sit. In the damn. Chair!” He says, heaving another exasperated sigh,
“Ok, ok.” I laugh, getting up and sitting on the chair, he grunts with a nod, and sits down next to me on the floor. I pull his hair so that he looks up at me and I lean down to kiss him. “I love you y'know?”
He smiles, “I love you too, Carol.”