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You’re pretty sure you were the first to notice, even before Henry himself. At first, you tried to deny it. The way Henry would look at Evie, eyes full of wonder and reverence, a smile lurking at the corner of his mouth. He respects her. You told yourself after what surely must’ve been the tenth time you caught him. She’s a capable Assassin, perfectly deserving of respect. That’s all. Perhaps if it had been left at that, just looks and the beginnings of smiles, it would’ve been easier to bear. Your suspicious would be confirmed, in your mind at least, and you would have no reason to feel jealous of Evie and then feel ridiculous for feeling jealous. But it didn’t.
“What’s your opinion on Evie?”
You stopped cleaning your gauntlet and looked up at Henry. You regarded him closely, trying to figure out what brought this on. “I like her.” You said, because it was the truth. “She’s got a good head on her shoulders and she’s good company. Why do you ask?”
Henry seemed to hesitate, setting and unsetting his jaw as he tried to think of something to say.
“Henry?” Setting your gauntlet aside, you rose from your seat on the train and walked to him, placing a hand on his arm.
(He’s always so warm.)
“Is something the matter?”
A twitch of his lips made Henry smile, even though his eyes were downcast and sad. “Depends on how you look at it.”
“Henry, you know you can talk to me.” Gently, you brought your hand to Henry’s face and turned it so he was facing you. His kind, deep, brown eyes looked into yours and if it was possible to be made breathless by a look you were, right there.
There was a pause, and in that pause everything and anything seemed possible. You were both so close, all it had to take was you taking half a step forward and tilting your head slightly to kiss him, to grip his face, to run your hands through his hair, to do everything you had been dreaming to do.
“I…I’m in love with her.”
And just like that, the moment shattered, like a rib, and it was piercing your lungs, leaving you breathless in a completely different way.
“I-you what?”
“I love her.” His voice was softer now, like he was a Catholic in a confessional and you were the priest, hearing everything that had been weighing on his heart up until that moment. “I love her and I don’t know what to do about it.”
You opened your mouth to speak, but words died on your tongue before they could even be formed and you were left staring at Henry, mouth slightly parted.
“I know, it’s ridiculous.” Henry turned away again, placing his palms on the desk in front of him. “I’ve told myself as much. God, I can’t believe I let this happen, how can I be so stupid and-”
“Hey, hey.” Taking that half a step, you moved closer to Henry, so close that your body was nearly pressed against his side and you wondered if he could feel how quickly your heart was beating, how it sent vibrations through your body. “Don’t say that Henry. Don’t you ever say that about yourself.” Swallowing deeply, you brought your other hand to his face and made him face you again. “Just because you’re in love that doesn’t make you stupid. Evie…Evie is a lovely woman, and she’d be lucky to have you. Any woman would be.” You brushed some hair away from his face and tucked it behind his ear, the touch of your fingers lighter than feathers. “You’re the greatest man I ever met.”
Warmth filled Henry’s face and held your left wrist, the smile returning. “Thank you my friend.” He said. “And any man would be lucky to have you.”
(But I don’t want any man. I want you.)
-
“Is it just me, or has Greenie been acting a little off?”
You looked at Jacob quizzically, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that he’s just been…” Jacob gesticulated vaguely, adding no clarity whatsoever. “You know?”
“I’m afraid not.” You said.
Jacob frowned and leaned against a chimney, trying to find the right words to say. “I don’t know, he’s just been…quieter.”
“Henry has always been a little introverted.” You said, but you had to admit, Jacob had a point. Ever since Henry had confided in you, he had become far more pensive, often lost in his own head. “But…I do see what you mean.”
“Has something happened?” Jacob leaned forward expectantly. “Something he hasn’t told us?”
“What makes you think I would know?” You asked.
“Well, you two are close.” Jacob shrugged. “I just figured maybe something came up, and if he was going to tell anyone, it would be you.”
You thought of what Henry had said, the look of utter hopelessness on his face and how deeply it had hurt you. “No, he hasn’t told me anything.”
There was a beat of silence, and you wondered if Jacob had picked up on your lie and was going to call you out on it. But if he knew you had lied, he didn’t mention it. Instead he shrugged. “Ah well, hopefully it’ll pass.”
“I’m sure it will.” You said, relieved at no longer being questioned. “It was very sweet of you to care Jacob.”
A grin broke out across Jacob’s face. “What can I say? I’ve the heart of a saint.”
You giggled and rolled your eyes, playfully shoving Jacob. “Well then, Saint Frye, do I have your blessing to slit the throats of some Templars?”
Standing up straight and looking very comically grave, Jacob crossed the air in front of you with two fingers pressed together. “Go in peace, my child, and do my will.”
The laughter that came out of you had to be smothered by your coat sleeve, to stop you from being discovered. You looked at Jacob, so pleased and proud, and you had to fight down another wave.
-
“Did you know that Evie’s taken up flower collecting?”
Eyebrows raised, you turned to look at Jacob. “No, I didn’t.” You had never thought Evie was the type to collect flowers, that seemed like a hobby best left to rich ladies who had little to fill their days with. “When did this happen?”
“After Greenie showed her a book about the meanings of flowers.”
Just as Jacob spoke, you made a running leap to crossover to another rooftop, but what he had said caught you so off guard that you lost your footing and in an attempt to right yourself, leaped too soon. Seeing that you were going to fall short, you frantically reached out to the other rooftop to find something to grab onto.
In an instant, Jacob grabbed your hand, holding you and keeping you from falling. “Careful there love!” He said, sounding half joking and half terrified. It was a tone you had never heard him use before. He pulled you up, never losing his tight grip, and once you were on the roof with him he immediately put his hands on your shoulders. “Are you alright?” He asked, looking far more frazzled than you had ever seen him.
You nodded and swallowed, trying to steady your breath. “I-I’m fine.” You closed your eyes, hoping it would stop your head from spinning. But somehow that only made it worse and a wave of nausea rose up in you.
“Hey, look at me.”
Taking deep breaths, you opened your eyes and looked directly at Jacob, stomach still feeling like it was falling. The look on his face was so tender and fearful, it made you feel guilty for doing something so foolish. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
You nod, unable to say anything. You took a deep breath and swallowed down the bile that had formed your mouth. “Yes. I’m sure.” To prove your point, you slowly rose to your feet, steadying yourself and turning your jelly-like legs into steel.
Still looking unconvinced, Jacob rose with you and he moved closer and seemed to be about to place a hand on your lower back. But he reconsidered at the last second and pulled away. “If you’re sure…”
“I am.” You smiled a little and gently squeezed Jacob’s arm. “Thank you Jacob.”
He only nodded, eyes still wide with fear.
-
“Someone looks a little down.”
You shrugged, barely raising your eyes from your drink. “Jus’ tired.” You raised the tankard to your mouth to take a drink, but through the glass you saw two figures that were familiar despite being distorted. You raised your head and saw Henry and Evie, sitting in a booth away from everyone else, their faces so close and so bright it made every bit of you ache.
Remembering that Jacob was standing right there, you quickly looked back down and downed the rest of your ale. You hoped that your look had gone unnoticed, but when you noticed Jacob looking in the direction of the happy pair you realized you were caught out.
“Oh.”
The sound was soft, barely audible above the noise in the pub, but you heard it. You heard it and you knew that he knew.
“Yeah.”
The two of you sat in silence, you too melancholy to speak, Jacob seemingly at a loss for words.
“I…I’m sorry.” He finally said, voice barely above a whisper.
You shook your head. “Don’t be.” You glanced back over at them, only to quickly look away when they started to kiss. “It’s not your fault.”
“Still. Nothing’s worse than a broken heart.” Jacob looked like he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth and looked down.
“So long…” You whispered, unable to stop the words from pouring out of your mouth. “I loved him for so long, and he never knew…”
“You never told him?” Jacob seemed genuinely surprised. “I thought…well, I thought you two told each other everything.”
“No. Not everything.” You ran a finger down a ridge in the glass, right where Evie and Henry were reflected, almost like you were trying to wipe out that moment, make it disappear, just for a little while.
Tentatively, Jacob reached out a hand and placed it near yours, fingers just brushing against your skin. His other hand was on his tankard, his grip so tight that his knuckles grew white. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
There was another silence, Jacob’s gaze focused on the bar top. “You know, my father used to say that in life, all you can really do is give it your best shot.” He turned to look at you. “Even if it doesn’t work out…at least you tried.”
A half smile found it’s way onto your face and you placed your hand on Jacob’s. You knew that Jacob wasn’t the comforting type, but you were touched by the effort nonetheless. You raised your empty tankard and held it before you. “To giving it your best, even when it’s not good enough.”
Silent but smiling, Jacob clinked his tankard against yours.
You didn’t know if the alcohol or the fatigue or something else, but you swore you could feel Jacob hold your fingers, before his hand slipped away.