Chapter Text
Rose isn't sure what wakes her. It's either the shuffling in the hallway or the horrible pain in her midsection. She feels a warm body beside her, and her heart skips a beat. But before she gets the chance to panic, she realizes the one lying next to her is the one she wants the most. She smiles slightly to herself.
She doesn't move. Not only because it hurts, but also because the Doctor looks like he needs sleep. She's sure she does, too, but she needs to clear her mind. Sort through things.
------
At the hospital, the Doctor was by her side every minute. She's grateful for that. But there was one time he wasn't. She closes her eyes as she thinks of it. She was scared and hurting and all she wanted was for him to hold her hand.
But they kicked him out of the room. Said he needed to go talk with the police or something. They said it would only be five minutes. She told him it was okay, even though it wasn't.
"Miss Tyler, when was your last period?" The doctor asks her.
She doesn't know.
"Are you aware that you're pregnant?"
She's not.
She can't cry. Not now. She couldn't even answer their questions audibly, now what is she supposed to say?
"Miss Tyler, given the trauma that you've endured, don't be surprised if something goes...wrong," he continues. "I'm only saying this to prepare you. You're in the early stages now, I'm not surprised you didn't notice. But the trauma you sustained was not purely superficial. It seems as though the object that caused these cuts was not clean. We've treated you with antibiotics, but the virus had been in your body for a while. Young fetuses do not always live after and ordeal such as this."
Good, she thinks to herself. She doesn't want that bastard tearing her apart from the inside either. But she simply nods and the Doctor walks back in.
"Other than that, Miss Tyler, you seem to be ready to go. Just rest for a week or so."
She nods again as she takes the Doctor's hand.
------
She recalls the memory better than when it was happening. Something doesn't add up. And oh, her stomach hurts. They said they gave her antibiotics, but they shouldn't have. She knew that knife was clean. It was in the drawer with the other clean utensils.
But there was another moment. It's on the tip of her brain. They did a rape exam, too. When the Doctor and Donna were talking in the hallway, she thinks. She's not quite sure. Everything is so fuzzy. Her head hurts.
She's had a rape exam before. That one other time Jimmy landed her in the hospital.
But this time was different. It took longer. They prodded more. They did something. What did they do?
Everything hurts. Her head, her arms and legs, but most of all her stomach. Why does it hurt?
She remembers one time, watching an American TV show. A medical show. A girl had gotten pregnant at a young age and wanted an abortion. The physician gave her some sort of stick thing that would make it look like a miscarriage.
Miscarriage.
Oh.
Suddenly, she's fully awake. She has to go and check. She knows she does. She doesn't want to wake the Doctor up. Not for this. She'll tell him later. After she figures everything out.
As silently as she can, she slides out of bed and into the en suite.
She checks, and just as she expected, she sees blood.
A lot of blood.
She's not sure what to do. Her stomach hurts and she wants to yell but she knows she can't. There's so much blood.
She decides to take a shower. All evidence will be carried away by the constant stream of water.
She turns on the water, but it's ice cold. She decides to allow herself the luxury of warm water.
She tries to wash the blood out of her clothes but she ends up getting it all over the counter and sink, so she stashes them in a cupboard and cleans the blood with a towel before dropping it on the floor to get into the shower as fast as she can.
The warm water greets her wounds with a sting, but she doesn't care. She sits against the wall and closes her eyes. She just wants this nightmare to be over.
And then she realizes.
Some of the final bits of her nightmare are flowing down the drain right now.
She regrets it the moment she thinks it. Is that the person he turned her into? A morbid killer of innocents? Will she never have a happy thought again?
"Rose?" A familiar voice yanks her out of her despair.
She thinks of him and smiles. She thinks of the times when they had chips and laughed about silly thing. He cares for her, and that is a happy thought.
"Rose, are you alright?"
She jumps as she realizes he's actually talking to her. "Fine, thanks! Just trying to get the smell of hospital off of me." Her lie falls a little flat at the end, but it's the best she can do. She can't let him see her like this.
She thinks she hears him sit back down on the bed. Her bleeding seems to taper off a bit. She doesn't know what's normal. She doesn't know how long this will last. She stands up and gets out of the shower, but she leaves it on. She doesn't know how quickly she'll need it again.
As quietly as she can, she finds a box of tampons and quickly inserts the largest absorbancy she can find. She rinses off quickly before turning the shower off, and wraps herself in a very large, comforting towel.
Almost immediately, she realizes she doesn't have any clothes. It sets her over the edge and she uses the wall to support her as she slowly falls to the ground.
"Rose, are you sure you're alright?"
She doesn't know how long she's been sitting there. "I'm fine, don't worry, I...I'm fine." She can't even come up with a lie.
"Would you like me to go get Donna? Or anything?" He asks, sounding concerned and anxious.
"What time is it?"
"About three in the morning."
She sighs. "No, don't wake her. You should go back to sleep, too. I'm fine, really."
"Rose, you don't sound fine. Please let me help you. Or Donna, if this isn't something I should deal with..." he trails off awkwardly.
She wraps a few more towels around her, she's almost completely covered.
"You can come in, if you want. I won't flash you," she says with a slight smirk.
He opens the door cautiously, and once he sees she's covered, he walks in and sits next to her.
"I just needed a shower," she says quietly. She's not up for constructing another lie. She doesn't want to lie to him.
He looks at her like he knows something is wrong but he can't quite put his finger on it. For a moment, she's scared of what he'll think. She quickly scans the room for any signs of what just happened, but he must have noticed because his eyes lock on to the pile of bloody towels and clothes.
"Rose?" He whispers, as if he's trying not to scare her.
Yet again, she cries. She hates crying like this. Why can't she stop? He holds her close as she tries to regain composure.
"Four weeks." Her voice is barely audible. "I didn't even know until yesterday."
His eyes widen with shock, then understanding as he puts what she's saying together. "Oh, Rose..."
She shakes her head. "It's over now. The ties are broken."
He hugs her as she buries her face in his shoulder. She's so conflicted and it's killing her. She doesn't known how to handle this.
"Am I a terrible person?" She whispers into his shoulder. "Am I a terrible person for not being sad?"
"No, Rose. That is perfectly okay in a situation like this." She can tell gears are turning in his head. The facts don't add up.
"I know what you're thinking."
"Rose--"
"No. I know, it doesn't add up. Not at all. They did something at the hospital. This exam was different than the ones in the past. They gave me this--" she's choked by her own emotions and can't finish.
"Rose, I'm here, it'll be okay, I promise."
She nods and waits to gain composure again. "I only just figured it out. This thing. It makes it look like a miscarriage but it isn't. I didn't know. If I had known, maybe I would have tried to stop it, but I was so out of it and so tired I couldn't--"
"I know. It's okay. It is not your fault. I promise. None of this is your fault." He soothes as he combs his fingers lightly over her still wet hair.
"How did this happen? I don't think I said they could, but they told me after, but I don't know. I don't know." Panic sets in, though she doesn't know why.
"Rose, Rose look at me," the Doctor says calmly as he bring her face to look at his. "We'll figure this out, I promise. Just breathe."
She nods and does so, leaning heavily against him. She wants him. She'll always want him.
She's not quite sure if she's been shivering or if he noticed that she's had her eyes closed for a while.
"Want to go back to bed?" He asks as he strokes her hand with his thumb.
She wants to sleep. She knows that much. But she doesn't want to move. If the bleeding gets too much, the shower is right there. And she's sore. Moving hurts. She shakes her head.
"I'll be right back, okay? I'm not going far," he explains as he gets up.
She tries to watch him, but her eyes don't want to stay open. Sleep evades her without his warmth.
He comes back in with some pillows and the comforter from the bed. He wraps it around her and puts the pillow beneath her head.
She smiles a tired smile. "Thank you."
He lays down beside her and takes her hand. "Anytime."
------
She must have fallen asleep like that because she's still wrapped in towels and a comforter when she wakes up.
"Rose? Are you alright?" She recognizes that voice. "Doctor, what are you doing?"
Rose opens her eyes to see the Doctor laying next to her on the floor and Donna standing in the doorway.
"'M fine." Rose mumbles sleepily.
"We just decided to have a change of scenery." He's much more awake than she is. Then she smiles a nice large smile. "What?" He asks with a confused smile.
"You stayed."
"Of course I stayed! I told you I wouldn't leave unless you wanted me to," he replies with a more confident smile.
"Any particular reason you lot chose the bathroom?" Donna asks, genuinely curious.
Rose looks at the Doctor who nods.
"It was an accident, really. I didn't know, till yesterday, at least. Then last night it just sort of ended. I didn't know what to do, so we had a camp out," Rose explains the best she can, though Donna looks confused. So she continues. "I...I was...pregnant. I didn't know."
Donna's eyes widen as she walks over and sits beside her. Rose does her best to continue.
"I don't know what happened. I found out yesterday at the hospital, but they used this thing. It's supposed to make it look like a miscarriage, but it's not. It's on purpose... I don't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember if I asked for it or if they just did it. I can't remember..."
Donna hugs her. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I really am."
Rose shakes her head. "Don't be. I don't know if I am."
She takes a moment to realize what she just said. She just said she wasn't upset about her own child being miscarried. But it wasn't just her child. It was his, too. Now they have no ties. Nothing keeping them together. That's what she wanted. A clean break.
That's what she kept saying during her tests. She remembers. She begged to get rid of all the ties.
"I asked for it, didn't I?" She asks quietly, looking at the Doctor. "I begged. I didn't know anyone was listening. They asked if that's what I really wanted. I said ye--" she can't finish before covering her mouth and slamming herself against the wall.
"Rose! Rose, you have to understand. Not a single person blames you. You were tired and in pain and they knew some of what happened. Rose, no one blames you." He's speaking sternly but softly.
She nods but can't stop the tears. "I killed it. And it never even got a chance."
Donna strokes her hair. "Rose, sweetie, it's okay. Keeping it would have put you in danger and you know it."
Rose nods again as she chokes out her sobs. "I promise I wouldn't've if it wasn't his. I promise."
"I know. We both know." Donna comforts.
------
Rose isn't exactly sure how long the three of them sat in the bathroom like that. Her tears dried out after a while, and it felt as though she couldn't process anymore emotions.
"Why don't we get you back to bed, hm?" Donna suggests.
"That sounds really nice, actually," Rose replies.
After making sure she's securely covered, they help her off the floor. It starts off okay, but when she stands her needs go weak and her vision blurs. Everything seems to happen in slow motion as she starts to fall to the floor, only to be caught by comforting muscular arms.