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White.
The thick blanket of snow consumed the castle grounds, fat flakes still falling into beautiful piles, glittering brightly with the sliver of the newly risen sun peeking between the heavy clouds. Fitting, he thought, that the weather would perfectly reflect the overconsuming blankness of his mind. He shivered slightly, the frigid air reminding him of his poor choice to come out to the balcony wearing nothing but his boxers and the slightly too large button-down of his lover. He glanced back through the glass door into his room, gaze falling onto the still slumbering form of said man. His cheeks warmed at the overwhelmingly domestic feeling that infiltrated his chest as he slowly broke into a small smile, affection overtaking all other emotion. That swell in his chest quickly hardened into pulsing heartache as he lingered on the peaceful face of the sleeping man, the slow rise and fall of his half covered chest under the silken sheets.
He's leaving today.
He knew this day was coming from the moment they shared their first kiss under the large Sakura tree in the courtyard of the castle, hands fumbling and lips trembling as they spilled their growing affections to each other with the press of lips and shared breaths. He wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
But now he's leaving.
With a woeful sigh, Hanzo opened the glass door to make his way back into the room and his bed to make the most of the few hours he had left with his lover. As he slid back under the covers, the man shifted his arms to embrace his waist before pulling his back against his sleep-warmed chest, mumbling incoherent sentiments before burying himself in his neck.
"Jesse," he chuckled as the short hairs of his growing beard brushed against his shoulder, "we must get up soon."
Jesse merely buried his head further into his neck before mumbling more, the rumbling of his deep voice causing him to shiver.
"Jesse, love, you know I can't hear you when you talk into my neck like this."
The swell of affection returned to his chest as Jesse reluctantly removed himself from his neck to meet his gaze, eyes still clouded with sleep as he moved to rest his forehead against Hanzo's, content to just stare. "Good morning, beautiful," Jesse said with a sigh as he captured Hanzo's lips for a chaste kiss. In this moment, Hanzo wished more than anything that he could freeze time and reside here for the rest of his days, content, warm, and so loved.
He wasn't aware he was crying until he heard Jesse shushing him, calloused fingers gently wiping away the offending tears as his worried face focused in Hanzo's sight. "None of that today," Jesse said, his own quivering voice threatening to cause the forming tears in the corners of his eyes to spill. "Now, I know we won't be able to message each other, but I swear I'll write to you everyday if that's what it takes to remind you of how much I love you." With that, Hanzo lunges forward to press a deep kiss to Jesse's lips, trying desperately to pour all of his love and joy into the simple act. He breaks the kiss a few moments later before nuzzling Jesse's neck, humming in his contentment. "I love you too, Jesse. He lets out a sigh before rolling off of Jesse, sitting up on the bed as he runs his fingers through the loose tangles in his long hair. "Now let's gather your things, I want to take you somewhere before your departure."
"Ah, so we're keepin' secrets now, are we?" Jesse chuckled as he rolled off the bed, making his way to the bathroom.
"It's a surprise, actually. Now hurry up and get washed, you silly cowboy!" Hanzo sat up and stretched his arms, closing his eyes as he let out a huge yawn. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Jesse leaning against the doorway to the bathroom, eyes full of adoration as he watched the archer. Hanzo blushed at his staring before tsking, mouth opening to once again tell him to wash before Jesse interrupts him.
"Shower's awful big in here all by my lonesome. Sure wish somebody would come and keep me company." He looks at Hanzo with half-lidded eyes and a shit-eating grin before quickly transforming into shock as Hanzo all but launches off of the bed to chase him into the shower. Steam quickly fills the small room as the shower runs, soft giggles and wet kisses barely heard over the running water.
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Finally clean and dressed, Hanzo all but drags Jesse off of the castle grounds into a readied car, golden scarf shining brightly against his black hair where he had it tied into a neat ponytail. Jesse grinned at the sight of the scarf, pride swelling in his chest that Hanzo was wearing the gift. "That scarf looks gorgeous on you Han. Makes you look all regal and such."
Hanzo blushed at the compliment, hand unconsciously moving to caress the scarf that adorned his head, the silk running smoothly through his loose grip. "It is a lovely gift Jesse, and I will treasure it always." He smiled up at Jesse before quickly communicating their destination to the driver, which was confirmed with a short grunt. Jesse looked puzzled at the short exchange, the Japanese too rapid for him to understand clearly.
"Aw Honeybee, where are we headed? Y'know how I feel about secrets," Jesse huffed, crossing his arms in exaggerated indignation. "Jesse, I already told you, it's a surprise. And it's important to me, please be patient." Hanzo attempted to sway the man with a soft kiss to his cheek, immediately breaking the scowl on his face as his mouth twisted into a small smile. "Well, if it's important to you, I guess I'll be patient. But only for you, you crafty bastard."
The rest of the ride was spent in silence, the two men merely enjoying each other's presence. Jesse leaned his head to rest on Hanzo's shoulder as they held hands, thumbs stroking over hands toughened by hard lives.
When the car finally stopped to announce their arrival, Jesse shot his head up, excited to see where Hanzo had brought him. As they both exited the car, Jesse's mouth hung open, amazed by the beauty of the forested area around them. Hanzo let out a chuckle, amused at the reaction of his lover before he beckoned him to follow him to a dirt path into the forest. Jesse followed wordlessly, still taking in the elegance of the evergreens covered in snow, bare trees exuding a sort of grace he would never expect from the deciduous trees during the dry season back in New Mexico.
Hanzo led him down the path, snow untouched before them and still falling freely from the grey skies above. A large flake fell on Jesse's nose, causing him to scrunch his face at the cold feeling before swiping it off with his jacket sleeve. He blushed when he noticed Hanzo staring back at him with eyes full of mirth, smile hidden behind slender fingers.
"We're almost there, love, I promise," Hanzo said, tugging at the arm of his jacket to continue following. They soon entered a clearing with a small lake, frozen over with a dusting of snow covering the pristine ice. A small manmade waterfall was frozen in midmotion, a slight trickle of water making its way down the slope of the ice, not yet affected by the frigid temperatures. A bridge crossed over the lake, dark wood a sharp contrast against the snow overtaking the scenery of the area. Jesse felt...at peace here, no sounds but the surrounding chirps of winter birds and rustling of wildlife, the slight whistle of the winter wind through the trees and the bare trickle of water from the waterfall.
Hanzo linked Jesse's fingers with his own, leading him to stand next him on the swell of the bridge, looking out into the frozen water. Jesse turned his head to look at Hanzo, sad smile plastered on his face as he took a deep breath, watching the puff of cold air as he exhaled. "'S real pretty out here Han."
Hanzo huffed out a small burst of air before letting out a half-hearted chuckle, turning to face Jesse. "My mother used to come here when things were difficult with the clan, the peace of this place always brought a calm to her troubled mind. She began bringing me when the stress of training and schooling became too much. It was the only place we could come to escape the weight of the Shimada clan and clear our minds of all distractions. I came here often during her sickness, but I have not returned since her death many years ago. This is a special place to me Jesse McCree, and I can think of no other person I feel worthy to share it with."
Jesse couldn't think of any words to respond with, and instead pulled Hanzo into a tight hug, head snuggling into the warm space of his neck. He pulled his head up to lay sweet kisses upon Hanzo's lips, each kiss deeper and more loving than the last until they both were panting slightly. "Love you so much Hanzo. Wish I never had t'leave."
They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other against the chill of winter air until Hanzo began shuffling on his feet. "Getting' cold there, darlin'? We can head back to the castle to warm up if you wanna."
"No...no I just have something on my mind."
"What is it? Is something wrong?" The worry was evident in Jesse's furrowed brow, concern visible in his dark eyes.
"No, nothing is wrong, love. Just...nervous I suppose." Hanzo shuffled more, one of his arms disappearing behind his back as the other fidgeted with his long scarf blowing gently in the wind. The concern on Jesse's face only deepened as he cupped Hanzo's face in his hand, his thumb brushing his cheek.
"You can tell me anything Hanzo, cross my heart. Ain't nothin' to be nervous about."
That was the final push he needed to pull the velvet box from the hidden pouch on his belt, kneeling into the damp snow and opening the box to reveal a simple silver band as he looked up at Jesse with stars in his eyes. He took one of Jesse's hands, the other busy covering his mouth in shock as Hanzo began to speak. "Jesse Arturo Tanguma-McCree, would you do me the greatest honor of marrying me?"
Tears that were glistening in Jesse's eyes spilled over, running in messy tracks down his reddened cheeks as his hand lowered slightly to reveal his immense smile before he hoisted Hanzo up for a passionate kiss.
"Yes! Yes! A hundred, a thousand, a million times yes Hanzo!"
A giddy giggle made its way past his lips as Hanzo slipped the ring onto his left hand and they both gazed at it adoringly. Jesse rubbed his fingers over the ring, feeling a slight indentation from something engraved in the otherwise smooth metal. The image of a fox and dragon were intertwined with one another around the ring, Jesse brushing over the delicate details before pulling Hanzo in for what seemed like the thousandth kiss that day. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever felt so happy.
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The drive to the small airport was a somber one, promises of frequent letters the only solace in their shared despondence. The snowfall had picked up once again, large flakes casting the world into a near shield of white. They rode in a separate car from the rest of the Blackwatch agents, feigning the need for Hanzo to have a bodyguard just to see them all off. Reyes, of course, knew better than to believe such a blatant lie, but allowed it—after all, he hadn't seen the kid this happy since his 21st birthday when he was gifted a bottle of whisky that would've outlived his grandfather.
Hanzo was the only member of the Shimada family accompanying them, acting as a liaison for the clan to formally see the team off. Shimada Sojiro saw this as nothing more than his son taking up necessary duties of a clan leader, and left it at that, completely unaware of the blooming relationship between Hanzo and the Blackwatch agent over the last few months. Genji, of course, saw completely through Hanzo's false dutifulness; while Hanzo may not have explicitly told Genji about his illicit relationship with the cowboy, it was not difficult to notice the way he looked at Jesse, his demeanor changing almost immediately from the uptight clan heir to a much more relaxed state when he was around.
When they finally arrived at the airport, they turned to one another, sorrow unmistakable in their shining eyes.
"We'll meet again Han, and when we do, we're gonna get outta here and start a new life, all our own. Just wait for me."
Hanzo couldn't help but let a tear slip down his cheek, crashing his lips with Jesse's as a final goodbye. "I would wait to the end of days for you, my dearest Jesse. I love you."
"Love you too, Hanzo."
With that, they exited the car, exuding pure professionalism as they met with the rest of the team. All of their equipment was loaded quickly onto the large aircraft, and with a sort but polite farewell from Hanzo, they began boarding. Reyes was the last to make his way to the craft, Jesse just in front of him before he barked out a curt "McCree!" causing Jesse to freeze mid-step.
"Yes sir?" He questioned as he turned to his Commander.
"I've forgotten that Mr. Shimada left something with Hanzo to give to me, go grab it before we take off, yeah?" He flashed a grin to Jesse before continuing to board the aircraft, readying his men for their departure.
A flash of panic ran through Jesse at the fact that Reyes somehow found out about their relationship before leaving it to deal with later. He only had a few short minutes to see Hanzo one last time. He ran down the boarding ramp, giving a quick shout to Hanzo as he was re-entering the car, confusion displaying on his face.
"Jesse? What are you doing, is it not time for you to...leave?" He gulped hard at the word, willing the tears back lest he break down in front of the driver.
"Don't worry yourself about that, I just wanted one last kiss before I gotta head out, darlin'." With that, he scooped Hanzo up in a massive hug before plastering a wet kiss on his cheek, chuckling as Hanzo began giggling at his ministrations. "Put me down, you silly cowboy!"
Jesse set him back down on his feet, grin still stretched across his freckled face as Hanzo left a proper kiss on his lips, savoring the taste of cigar smoke and what could only be Jesse one last time.
"Until we meet again, gunslinger."
"Until then, archer."
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Years passed, and the overwhelming stress of taking over the clan assaulted Hanzo daily. Letters from Jesse were frequent, often accounting travels to incredible places all over the world. He always left out details of the missions he was sent on, instead focusing on the sights and culture of the foreign countries. Postcards and pictures were plentiful in the letters, and the beauty of the different lands amazed Hanzo, heart yearning to escape Hanamura to experience such wonders.
One day. One day I will be free.
On his toughest days, when his father was absent and his brother was indulging in frivolities, he would stare at the many pictures, imagining a future in each of them with Jesse by his side. His favorite was a picture of the American southwest, cacti strewn across the land with bright red and pink flowers adorning the tops and a picturesque ranch sitting in the background. Jesse had told him that this was where he was from, recounting raising horses with his Mamá before she passed. He would love to get an old ranch house with Jesse, working the land and raising animals to get by.
A simple life, but a good one.
It was snowing again, heavy flakes sticking against his window as the wind whistled outside.
I hate the snow.
He let his eyes drift closed, thoughts transforming into dreams of a future he would one day have.
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As time went on, the letters were less and less frequent, often short and scrawled, as if Jesse was writing in a constant rushed state. The stress of his family had reached an all-time high, with the passing of his father and his rise as the new clan leader. It had been months since Jesse's last letter was received, despite the many letters he sent out addressing his concerns, and he craved the assured comforts that Jesse always provided through his kind words.
The elders had been pressuring him to take control of his wayward brother to assist with the management of clan duties, but Genji refused to listen to any and all of Hanzo's pleas, claiming that "If father could do it alone, so can you. I wish to have no part of the clan's affairs." His arrogance exasperated Hanzo, denying clan responsibility yet using clan money for his childish activities, and he felt his annoyance slowly forming into raw anger each time Genji refused his guidance. Something had to be done.
But what?
Hanzo could not even begin to know.
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The chill of the late winter storm was all he could feel as he limped out to the veranda, blood trailing his steps and staining the white snow a deep red. The sword he carried clattered to the ground as he fell to his knees, staring at his bloodstained hands in abject horror.
What have I done?
Tears were falling freely down his cheeks, swirling with the splattered blood on his cheeks and landing in pink specks in the snow as he doubled over himself, nausea overtaking his senses. Eventually, one of the servants came out wielding a thick blanket accompanied by one of the clan elders.
"You did what you must, Hanzo. This was for the best of the clan, remember that."
With that, he turned away, instructing the servant to gather a team to clean up the mess inside. The servant laid the blanket across his shoulders before turning away, hesitating slightly before speaking.
"Please come inside, young master, you'll catch your death out here in this cold."
It is what I deserve, he thought, before waving them away. "Leave me. I must pray for what has been lost tonight. The clan may be first, but he was my brother, and I shall honor him as such."
They went on their way, looking for others to assist with the cleanup of the mangled mess that was Genji's body before gasping at a flash of golden light within the shrine, running to the room to investigate before noticing that Genji's body had vanished. They turned back to tell the young master, but he was nowhere to be seen. They instead rushed to inform the elders, shock and anger flitting through each of their expressions before instructing them to clean up the remaining mess within the shrine.
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The damages of the fight between Hanzo and his brother left his legs inoperable, and they were removed—only to be replaced with high-tech prosthetics that allowed him to do everything he was able to do with his organic limbs and more. Physical therapy was extremely draining, and with each stumble, he fell further into a depression. The letters from Jesse had stopped entirely, and Hanzo often found himself wondering where he was.
Was he in Europe, the Americas? Traveling across the world, experiences things Hanzo could only begin to dream of?
Was he even alive?
He didn't want to know—no, didn’t deserve to know after what he'd done. This was his burden to bear alone, and any pain that came along with it was more than deserved. Jesse McCree was a dream that he no longer even had a right to imagine, let alone love. His chest shriveled at the thought, the ache of a weary heart pulsing through his entire being as he mourned what could have been.
This is the way it has to be. I always do what I must.
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Over the next few weeks, Hanzo worked tirelessly throughout the day to busy himself, never allowing a moments peace until exhaustion forced him to pass out into a dreamless sleep. He had grown distant with everyone, hardly speaking outside of business deals and the occasional polite greeting. The guilt of his actions was taking over the majority of his free thoughts, flashes of his brother's disfigured body burned into his skull every time he dared to close his eyes.
Disgust for the clan gradually consumed him until he couldn't stand to be at the castle any longer, traveling to the small clearing to clear his mind and sort out his thoughts. He hadn't returned to the small lake since he proposed to Jesse, all those years ago, and he felt a pang in his heart at the thought of the other man.
He walked to the bridge of the clearing, staring down at his reflection in the dark water. His hair was disheveled and his eyes red, dark bags apparent against his unnaturally pale skin. He was a mess.
"What am I doing here Jesse? What happened to me?"
A choked sob made its way out of his throat, followed by a hot stream of tears, the sorrows of his life all coming up to haunt him in his vulnerability.
"Where did you go?" He whispered, wiping at his eyes. "I still miss you, so much. I don't know what to do, I've done something terrible, and now," he sniffled loudly, wiping at the fresh tears springing from his eyes, "now I have no one. I'm lost Jesse."
At that, he broke down completely, sobs wracking his body as he buried his face into his hands so he wouldn't have to see the reflection of the stranger in the water. His wails reverberated in the clearing, misery unmistakable to any unfortunate soul close enough to hear. He stayed like that for what seemed like hours until fatigue took over, deciding to sit up against a rock outcropping from the lake and closing his eyes to rest.
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We he finally woke up, he felt a deep ache throughout his body, legs throbbing where they met his prosthetics from the lack of movement for the last few hours. The sun had dipped significantly below the horizon, dusk quickly making way for night and painting the lake in hues of gold and red. It was then that Hanzo knew what he needed to do, gathering himself to return to the castle.
Tonight was the night he was going to be free.
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It had been years since he escaped the clutches of the Shimada clan, seamlessly evading the guards wandering the castle grounds before they even had a clue that he was there. Once he got out, he never looked back, vowing only to return once a year to honor his brother at the shrine where their battle took place in an attempt at redemption for what he considered his worst mistake.
Tonight would mark the tenth anniversary of Genji's death, and the Shimada castle was crawling with guards, awaiting his scheduled return with stun batons and non-lethal projectiles, his apprehension the obvious priority.
He made his way to the shrine with ease, taking out several of the guards quickly and efficiently without alerting the grounds to his presence. As he walked up to the scroll hanging upon the wall, he bowed his head in respect, walking closer until he was standing before the sword resting in its stand, power exuding from its sheathed form. He kneeled at the sword, pulling out his effects, laying the sparrow feather with utmost care and lighting the incense quickly before closing his eyes, preparing his mind for prayer.
Before he could empty his mind, he sensed the presence of another, tensing his body for a fight.
It's going to be a long night.
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His hands gripped at his bow, anxiety causing his palms to sweat as he ran his thumb across the smooth metal. He was currently on an aircraft on its way to Genji, who had taken solace with the illegally reformed team of Overwatch in the small coastal town of Gibraltar. His brother had been extremely cryptic that night, the shock of his survival still not shaken from Hanzo's psyche.
After a few nights coming to terms with the object of his guilt, he resigned himself to following Genji wherever he went to atone for his actions, even if it was an illegal group of pseudo-superheroes. Which brought him to his current predicament: socialization. Surely this group knew of Hanzo's past transgressions and wouldn't see past that. He honestly couldn't blame them. He had spent the last ten years all but completely alone, taking companionship more often through stray dogs that in humans, and his social skills had definitely taken a hit.
He looked out the window for what seemed to be the millionth time since the craft had taken off in Japan, and was met with a fresh wave of anxiety as he saw the base in the distance, covered slightly by the fog rolling off the cliffside to the ocean below. It would only be a short time until he met with his brother again, nerves taking over once again as he question what he was going to do.
What do you say to your brother who you thought was dead for ten years due to your supposed fratricide? Sorry?
With a groan, he wiped his hand down his face, forcing himself to sit as he waited for the descent, figuring there was no reason to work himself up before he had even landed. His hands absentmindedly fiddled with the long golden scarf adorned in his hair, worn but soft with years of use, the familiar feel of the fabric bringing a sense of calm to Hanzo, a honeyed drawl reassuring him.
Ain't nothin' to be nervous about.
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The landing was smooth, a small welcoming party present to greet Hanzo to the base, Genji front and present, facemask removed and eyes bright as he embraced his brother in a tight hug.
"I'm so glad you decided to join us Hanzo. You will be an invaluable asset to our forces, and it overjoys me that you are willing to walk by my side once again."
Hanzo's face heated at that, fighting the urge to deny Genji's kind words in an attempt at working on his forgiveness at the request of his brother.
"You honor me, Genji, but I must say that I am more honored that you accept me to walk beside you once more."
He bowed he head towards his brother, bringing it up slowly to the still bright face of his brother, the youthful mirth still present in his eyes.
"Ah, but I haven't even introduced you, how rude of me! This is Lena Oxton, my master, Tekhartha Zenyatta, and our new leader, Winston."
He gestured to a small woman with a large piece of tech hanging around her chest, an omnic monk that bore Shambali robes, and a large Gorilla wearing glasses, Hanzo giving a polite wave of his hand as a chorus of 'hello's' and 'greeting's' came his way. The gorilla was a surprise, but Hanzo figured he had seen enough unusual sights that it wouldn't be an issue.
Genji beamed at the warm welcomes before jolting in place. "Ah, brother! I completely forgot, there is someone else I would like you to meet. He has been waiting for a while." With a whistle to a small room off to the side of the landing pad, Genji beckoned for the mysterious 'someone' to join them. Hanzo pointed his stare to the door of the room, color leaving his face as he saw the familiar Stetson and chestnut hair.
Jesse made his way to Hanzo quickly, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes as he hesitantly took one of his hands.
"Long time no see archer. Told you we'd meet again."
The sound of the familiar drawl was all it took for Hanzo to pull him in for a kiss, full of longing and heartbreak and the sweet relief of reuniting after nearly two decades.
Hanzo didn't realize he was repeating Jesse's name over and over again until Jesse pulled back slightly, that familiar grin spreading across his face. "I'm here Han, and I promise you, I ain't never leavin' again. Now come on, we gotta show you around, and then you and me? We got a lot to talk about."
He ignored the confused but happy faces of Lena and Winston, his brother beaming at him beside Jesse as he walked with the little group to the Watchpoint. His hand never left Jesse's gripping it tightly as a reassurance that he was really here, that this was really happening. Jesse turned to him, adoration in his eyes as he noticed the ribbon billowing in the gentle ocean wind.
"All these years, and you kept that old thing?" He chuckled as he figeted with the collar of his shirt, pulling out the ring on a simple chain. "Kept mine too, but can't say the same for my arm." With that, he wiggled the metal of his left arm, Hanzo's eyes widening in surprise then flashing to concern, question on the tip of his tongue before Jesse stopped him. "Happened way back, a couple years after you gave me this beauty," he said as he gestured to the ring. "'Sides, it's in the past, and all that matters is that you're here now. I still say yes, by the way," he added with a wink.
A smile spilt itself across Hanzo's face as his cheeks heated up. "Only if you'll have me, cowboy."
After all these years, he was finally free.