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“You’re going to New Zealand!?”
Mark looked up at the smaller that had just burst into his room, swinging the door open wide enough to hit the wall before stomping towards his boyfriend with an unreadable expression on his face. Was he upset? Angry? Was that a hint of fear in Jacksons face that the American saw? He couldn’t confirm nor deny his accusation before a phone was shoved into his face, an article from Soompi informing of his participation in ‘Law Of The Jungle’ presented proudly on the screen. The brunette had been lounging on his bed, a soft melody playing through his headphones as he scrolled through twitter. But now his headphones were resting around his neck and the song was fading out to its end, his tongue caught as he searched for words.
“I…I…”
“You were what, Mark?! You’re going to New Zealand at the end of the month and you don’t bother to tell me? Please, offer your excuse- I’d love to hear it.” Jacksons voice was icy and he snapped the words out, but his eyes were soft and the way that he crossed his arms over his chest like a little boy told Mark that he was just putting his walls up.
“I was going to tell you soon…” Marks voice was weak and small, his words barely a whisper as his large brown orbs cowered from the others gaze and focused on the way his slender fingers picked at his duvet cover.
“Soon? Soon? When’s soon?! The day you leave? Or maybe the day before? Shit, does Jaebum even know?!”
Their gaze met at this moment, both boring into each others face with fiery passion of similar emotions that neither were going to surface, Marks eyebrows knitting together in distress. “Of course Jaebum knows.” Mark snapped back.
“Then why don’t I?!”
The older didn’t reply immediately. He didn’t want to admit it, really, because deep down he knew it was stupid and Jackson would be upset and blame himself. So instead he settled with a hushed “I’m sorry.” There was silence for a moment, a blanket so heavy that Mark felt his heart beat quicken and his breath becoming laboured- he hated it when Jackson was quiet. It meant he was thinking about things. Things he didn’t want to share with the one person he trusted his entire life with; bad things. The taller searched his boyfriends face for a flicker of forgiveness, a sign of softening that could allow them to talk and cuddle it all away. That flicker never appeared. The sign Mark searched for was blurry and hidden in the dark. And then the other turned on his heel without another word and dragged his body out of the room, making a pathetic attempt at closing it as he went. The door shut with a tiny click, and Mark was alone once again.
Two hours. That’s how long it took for Mark to get the courage (aka Jinyoung dragging him up from his bed) to stand outside of Jacksons door that the younger couldn’t even label as his anymore. He spent most of his time in his boyfriends room, cuddling or kissing or fucking the life out of each other just because they wanted to and they could; at the expense of the other members’ innocent ears. Two hours was a long time without cuddles or kisses- trust Mark, he experiences it often when he accidentally eats Jacksons left over chicken or beats him at a PS game- and right now he really needed the comfort of the other boy, his warmth and scent feeling as if it was radiating through the walls and teasingly torturing the brunette on purpose. With a heavily forced lift of his hand, Mark knocked lightly on the wood and waited for the cough followed by a “come in” before he slipped inside. Jackson looked up at him with wide puppy eyes, the vulnerability and openness the other was looking for two hours ago now plastered all over his face. A rosy and plump lip was jutted out into a pout and Mark had to resist the urge to kiss it away as he sat across from his boyfriend on his long forgotten bed.
“Hi.” Mark cringed inwardly at his pitiful greeting, but it was quickly forgotten as he saw Jackson struggle to hide the twitching of his mouth.
“Hi.”
“Can I explain?” The younger nodded. “And can you promise me you won’t blame yourself?” The others eyebrows furrowed at this, uncertainty dancing in his eyes.
“I don’t know if I can promise that.”
“Jackson-”
“If I did something wrong I want to take full responsibility and-”
“Jackson-”
“-fix it because I never wanted or want to make you feel like you can’t talk to me about th-”
“Gaga.” That stopped the brunettes worried rambling, his bottom lip being disturbed and tugged at between his teeth. “That’s not why I didn’t tell you. It’s just…” Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair before letting it drop to his boyfriends knee cautiously. Jackson didn’t make an attempt to move it. “You’ve been sick, Gaga. Really sick. You had to extend your hiatus and I just didn’t want to give you any more stress or make you worry -because shush, I know you will- when you should be focusing on getting better so you can come back to us and-” It was the olders turn to be cut off, but this time by a hard and passionate crashing of their lips. The smaller was grabbing the brunette by the collar of his hoodie, leaning forward slightly to lean in his boyfriends lap and pull their growing flushed chests together. Mark stumbled adorably once Jackson pulled away to lean their foreheads together, incomprehensible words in a mixture of English, Chinese and Korean blurting past his greedy lips that longed for more. “W..what was that for?” he managed to squeak out, finally tipping Jackson over the edge and allowing his high pitched and room brightening laugh to ripple through the dorm. The two could almost feel the other members let go of their held breaths, a united sigh in the knowledge of the tension being broken.
“You didn’t tell me because you were worried about me. That’s the most adorable and dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Bright teeth were being shown as the smallers lips curled into a shit eating grin.
“Th…thanks?” They both giggled; Mark in confusion and Jackson in adoration.
“You’re so cute.” Their mouths met once again and the older couldn’t halt the whimper that spilled between their caverns. After multiple slow and lazy kisses were shared and turned into tongues lazily dancing across each other, the boys laid down and curled into their familiar position of Jackson acting as the little spoon. The youngers eye lids were soon fluttering, fighting a battle to stay open as his boyfriend pressed indolent kisses to his neck and twirled his locks (that were growing too long) between his warm fingers. He wanted to voice a few more things before they officially kissed and made up, playfully nibbling at the tallers other hand that rested in his by his chest to get his attention. He got a soft chirping giggle in response that sent his heart soaring and knees buckling, even though he was lying down.
“What are you doing, puppy Wang?” Jackson smiled widely (but sleepily) at the nickname before yawning.
“I’m worried, hyung.” Marks eyebrows furrowed together in concern, his hand stopping its action in the youngers hair before he whined at the loss and the motions were quickly continued.
“About what, darling?”
“You. Out there. In the jungle. I mean…what if you get scared? What if you can’t sleep and I’m not there to rub your back? What if you get sick? What if they don’t feed you enough and you get sick and have to be rushed to hospital and-”
“You think too much, Gaga.” Jackson sighed in defeat.
“I know.” He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, pulling Marks arm tighter around him as if it would slow time and he would never have to let him go.
“You don’t have to worry. I’m an idol, Jacks. They can’t let anything bad happen to me. And if they do then they’ll have to answer to you, won’t they?” The younger nodded proudly at this statement, his lip once again jutting out in determination. “Exactly. There’s nothing to worry about, I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.” In that moment they both silently prayed the older was right. “I love you.”
“Mm, love you too.”
Mark looked down at the boy in his arms, knowing he was the only one who got to see him in this vulnerable state in which he was slipping into unconsciousness and he sprouted drowsy remarks. A kiss to his temple smoothed out the frown between his eyebrows, his face burying in the youngers neck caused a content huff of breath to be let out. He felt safe. He was right where he wanted to be. Sure, he was going to be away for a while. And sure, he was going to be filming in a jungle, a place that isn’t exactly known for its safe and welcoming nature. But it was one of his dreams, and once he seized the opportunity with all his might and made his family, and more importantly, Jackson, proud, he would be back in the same dorm with the same comforting hum of the same refrigerator, with the same beautiful man in his arms. And that was enough- that’s what kept Mark going, inspired him, forced him to leap out of his comfort zone. This ball of excitement and joy wrapped up in one small person was all of Marks whys, and would be for as long as he had the choice to call him his. Jackson Wang. His. It still rang freshly thrilling in his heart even after more than a year, and there was no other person in the whole entire universe that he would want to be shaken up and changed by. Mark would allow Jackson to mould and pull him like a kid experimenting with play dough if it made him happy.
New Zealand would be begging him to stay, but it would go by in a flash, and he would be home before they knew it. He’d be back with Jackson before they knew it.