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o1.
The first time it happens is after Gordon gets sent down.
Robert’s not the biggest cuddler post-sex, that hotel room the one exception, but it’s different after Robert gets shot. It throws everything into perspective, almost dying, and Robert’s realised there are some things about himself worth fighting, and others that he doesn’t want to give the time of day.
The one thing about himself he realises he kind of likes, is the part of him that loves cuddling with Aaron full stop, sex or no.
The first time they share a bed, Robert’s tentative and unsure. He’s careful with Aaron, making sure he’s comfortable. Aaron looks at him with frustration and uncertainty, and that makes Robert slip under the covers, slide as close to Aaron as he dares.
“Alright?” Robert asks.
He’s not used to being conscientious about anyone, but Aaron’s different, Aaron’s always different.
Aaron nods, bites his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyes dart down to Robert’s lips and back up. Their kiss in the kitchen was the best thing Robert’s felt in a long, long time and he finds he can’t resist anymore. He shifts in closer, gives Aaron time to move away, but he doesn’t, eyes slipping closed as Robert kisses him gently.
Fingers brushing through Robert’s hair, Aaron’s mouth moves under Robert’s, tongue sliding between Robert’s teeth, curling around his own. Robert’s body is stirring in the familiar way it always does around Aaron, but he doesn’t want to start anything, not yet. Aaron deserves better than to have Robert try and have sex with him fresh off his father’s verdict.
When they part, Aaron’s fingers still in Robert’s hair, Robert leans in, presses his forehead to Aaron’s.
“Thank you,” he says gently, needs Aaron to know how grateful he is to be given this chance.
Aaron nods, says nothing, but his fingers trail down the back of Robert’s neck, resting at the base of his spine. His legs are tangles with Robert’s, his body warm and strong around Robert, framing Robert’s leaner body with his own.
Robert’s head slips into the curve of Aaron’s neck, slowing his breathing. Being with Aaron is comfortable, familiar, and Robert doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of it.
Aaron’s lips brush the crown of Robert’s head, his temple.
It’s weird, Robert thinks, fingers brushing Aaron’s hip. With Chrissie, with anyone else, he’s always been the comforter. With Aaron, he wants to be that, needs to be that right now, but he likes that he feels safe with Aaron, that he feels right to be here.
Aaron’s fingers are smoothing down his spine, his breath warm on the top of Robert’s head, and between one breath and the next, Robert slips into sleep.
o2.
Holly’s death hangs over the village, and even Robert’s not immune.
He’s been given more cause than he’d like lately to contemplate his mortality, but when it comes to his little sister, to Vic, he’s not capable of contemplating life without her.
She’s the best thing in his life bar Aaron and he’ll be damned if he’d ever let anything happen to her.
He’s thinking about that when Aaron gets home from the farm, the sun having set a long time ago. Robert’s already in bed and he’s been waiting for Aaron, the low thrum of having missed him still overwhelming. It’s strange to be in a bed when Aaron’s not in it, and he’s reluctant to go to sleep when he knows Aaron’s actually in the same country.
Aaron curses gently, under the misapprehension that Robert’s still asleep, and Robert tries not to disabuse him of that notion. Aaron’s much more soft and loving when he thinks Robert’s asleep.
There’s a gentle thump and then a small burst of air as Aaron lifts the covers. Robert lets out a whimper, genuine at the cold on his legs, and shuffles deeper under the covers.
“Sorry,” Aaron says, voice low and quiet. Once settled, he rolls onto his side, hand resting on Robert’s hip.
Robert shuffles back until he’s pressed along Aaron’s front, Aaron’s arm coming over his hip, fingers splayed against his stomach. “Missed you.”
Aaron’s nose is resting against the back of Robert’s neck, and Robert shivers as he breath ghosts over Robert’s skin. “I missed you too.”
His hand tightens on Robert’s stomach, his legs tangling with Robert’s. It’s a familiar position, but Robert feels it all the more profoundly now.
“I don’t know how to help him,” Aaron admits, forehead against Robert’s head.
Robert rests his hand on top of Aaron’s, doesn’t know how to comfort him, not about this. Maybe it’s okay that he can’t. “I keep thinking about Vic. I can’t imagine losing her.”
Aaron presses a kiss to Robert’s neck, presses closer to Robert, closer than Robert thought they could get. “I can’t imagine losing you.”
“You won’t,” Robert says, even though he can’t promise anything close to that.
Aaron doesn’t correct him on it, just brushes his fingers against the skin of Robert’s stomach. There’s nothing sexual about it, just comfort, and Robert lets it lull him to sleep.
o3.
Robert still has nightmares.
He’ll wake up, sweating and gasping for air, trying not to disturb Aaron as he stumbles from the room to get a glass of water. One night he’s tangled up with Aaron, wakes crying, hates how embarrassed he is.
He’s curled in towards Aaron, his face against Aaron’s chest, and somehow he’s managed to shuffle lower in the bed. Aaron’s arms are around his neck, he’s brushing fingers through Robert’s hair.
“S’alright,” he’s saying, gentle and soft. “It’s alright, Rob, come on.”
Robert takes a gulping breath, whole body shaking under the effects of his nightmare, and he curls tighter against Aaron’s body. He forgets sometimes that Aaron’s still injured, but Aaron just shifts his hips, moves his injury out of the way of Robert’s knee.
“Sorry,” Robert says, cheeks wet.
“No, it’s okay,” Aaron tells him, presses a kiss to his forehead. “Alright?”
“No,” Robert admits, slowly. He’s getting better at admitting when things aren’t okay.
Aaron’s fingers don’t pause and Robert’s never going to tire of the feel of Aaron brushing a hand through his hair. He presses into it, relishes the feel of Aaron’s body around him, protecting him.
“I hate this,” Robert says, pulling back.
Aaron’s fingers leave his hair, rest against his cheek. “It’s alright to be weak sometimes, Rob.”
“It’s not that,” Robert says. He closes his eyes, focuses on the feel of Aaron’s fingers on his face, the rhythmic beating of Aaron’s heart under his fingers. “I hate that I can’t get a night’s sleep without watching you die.”
Breath hitching, Aaron’s fingers tighten on Robert’s face, against his spine.
“I’m here,” Aaron tells him, and it shouldn’t help, but it does. “I’m here, I’m okay.”
Robert lets out a slow breath, follows Aaron when he rolls onto his back and settles over his chest and side, leg thrown over Aaron’s, thankful he’s on his left side. Aaron’s hand returns to his hair, and Robert closes his eyes, hand fisted around Aaron’s t-shirt.
“I love you,” Aaron says.
“I love you too,” Robert replies, ignoring how his voice hitches on the words, hates how scared he is of losing Aaron.
o4.
Aaron drops the flannel on the floor next to the bed, breathing hard.
Robert grins up at the ceiling, satisfied and comfortable. “Well that was a surprise.”
Aaron laughs, leans over to press a kiss to Robert’s lips. “Great goodbye sex?”
Robert’s heart clenches painfully. “Don’t,” he says, voice hitching. Recovering, recognising the sadness in Aaron’s eyes, Robert curls a hand around his neck and kisses him again. “You’re always amazing.”
There’s a huff of laughter against his lips.
When they part, Robert stretches languidly in the bed. “I know I said I was fine with it, but I can’t deal with you not being here.”
“I know,” Aaron says, sounding wrecked. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
Robert needs Aaron; he grabs Aaron’s arm and rolls over, waits for Aaron to settle against him. Grip tight, Aaron buries his face in Robert’s hair, his arms locked around Robert’s body. It’s not comfortable, not really, but Robert doesn’t care.
They both need this. Robert needs to remember what this feels like just in case. He doesn’t want to let himself think about it too much, but there’s a deep part of him that worries he’s about to lose Aaron. Aaron’s scared, he’s admitted as much, and Robert is too.
“I love you,” Robert says, because he’ll never tire of it, because he needs Aaron to know.
“And I love you,” Aaron says, words muffled but no less emphatic.
His arms tighten and Robert can’t sleep, not really, but forces himself to memorise the feel of Aaron’s body against his, the feel of his breath against his head and neck, the touch of Aaron’s hands to his body.
o5.
The first night they share a bed when Aaron gets out of prison is weird and uncomfortable.
It’s the first night Robert’s slept in their bed since Aaron left, and it’s the first night Aaron’s been safe.
They’re side by side, and Robert wants to reach over and touch, wants to hold him, but he doesn’t know if he can, if it’s what Aaron wants.
“Do you-“ Robert starts.
“Do you-“ Aaron echoes.
They laugh gently, tension easing somewhat.
Robert rolls onto his side to face Aaron, drinks in the sight of him. He’s a little battered, a lot broken, but Robert’s going to help him, do whatever it takes for him to feel safe again.
“Sorry if this is weird for you,” Aaron says, because of course he worries about Robert when he should be worried about himself.
Robert frowns. He opens his mouth, revises what he’s going to say, and admits, “I didn’t actually sleep here.”
Aaron’s brow furrows, then smooths out. “Rob.”
“Don’t,” Robert says, throat thick. “Please don’t.”
Aaron reaches for him, brings him in for a kiss that’s all comfort and ease. Robert sinks into him, can feel himself shake and doesn’t know if it’s him or Aaron.
“Come on,” Robert says, moving to wrap Aaron up in his arms.
“No,” Aaron says. “I need – I need to feel strong.”
It’s an admission and it breaks Robert’s heart. It also makes something uncomfortable settle in his chest when he thinks of how weak he must look, how right he was to hide it from everyone.
“Hey,” Aaron says, squeezing the back of Robert’s neck. “You’re not weak, you understand? I like – I like having someone to protect, Rob.”
“Alright,” Robert says, knowing he needs this as much as Aaron does.
Aaron rolls him over, waits for Robert to settle against him, back to Aaron’s chest, and lets out a slow, happy breath.
“I love you,” Aaron says, grip tight. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” Robert tells him, fingers wrapped up with Aaron’s. “I love you and I’m so glad you’re home.”
Robert can feel Aaron’s smile against the back of his neck. “Forever, right?”
“Yeah,” Robert says. “Forever.”