Chapter Text
Alexia felt giddy. And nervous! She closed the door to the rotunda and started towards the stairs up to her quarters. She had to quiet herself walking through the main hall, she wanted to skip and jump and shake herself from either excitement or dread. At this point she wasn’t sure which emotion she felt most.
Come with me Vhenan. His words resonated in her mind.
The trip to Crestwood was on. The trip. With Solas. Her Solas. During her playthroughs as an elf romancing Solas, she always cursed the outcome of the Crestwood trip. She always thought how she would have acted differently to him breaking it off. This time simply had to go differently now that she was aware and could prevent the outcome!
When she was alone in her quarters she let out a shaky screech while clutching her fists to her temples and stomping her feet.
“This is it! It’s going to happen!” But the sense of dread overtook her and she shut her eyes. “Shit, what am I doing.” She had often berated herself over her relationship with Solas, she knew it might not be the best choice, but every time the mere thought of him had overshadowed her doubts.
She packed a couple of outfits, her sleeping roll, and a few bath essentials. Solas would take care of procuring food from the kitchens, so she only needed a light pack. That was a good sign wasn’t it? He’d been happy when he suggested the trip, verging on excited. It could definitely be interpreted as romantic, so he must be contemplating on telling her. He must be thinking of revealing his identity as Fen’Harel.
Although, she knew he already had wanted to tell her several times. She saw it in his mask slipping when they had a few overwhelmingly emotional moments together. He would look at her with affection, tell her how special she was, he would look down, steel himself, just be on the verge of speaking, but then looking into her sapphire gaze and sadness would overtake him instead of determination. He would avert her gaze, slipping his mask on again.
He wouldn’t go through the same motions again, would he?
As she was packing, she thought of all the reasons why he would put his trust her in the end. Every time he had tried and failed to include her in his secret, she had made sure to let him know he was loved. Even though he would pull away, she would grab him and hold him, let him know that she was there and whatever he couldn’t say would never be reason enough for her to not love him.
She was patient, she just wanted him to trust her. She was sure that she could show him through her actions and through her trust that he could trust her in return.
The inquisitor in the game was always either oblivious or accepting of his wishes of privacy. Alexia had made sure she could be seen as neither. She wanted to be near him, wanted to hear his opinions, shared her life and secrets with him. He even knew that she was not of Thedas and had otherworldly knowledge about the trials of the Inquisition. And when they had declared their feelings to each other, she had often stolen him away being determined to lure him out of his shell and make him show his affection, which he did.
They had grown so close. When they were in Mythal’s Temple, she made sure to find his statues and make him aware that she did not believe the Dalish tales about Fen’Harel, and that his role as trickster God could just about mean anything. She made it pretty clear that meeting Fen’Harel would be no problem for her.
There was no reason for him not to trust her.
***************
Alexia slept soundly with her back nestled into Solas’ side after her conclusion and before dawn she was woken by the smell of hot tea in front of her. Solas knew not to wake Alexia without having some substance waiting for her.
They were soon on the road and as always, they found rifts to be closed and people to be rescued from bandits or injuries. There wasn’t much time to just be together and have a happy breather before they reached Crestwood. They arrived late at night and slept in the Inquisition camp tents until Solas awoke and kissed the back of her neck, from her shoulder to her ginger hairline.
“Vhenan, I have our day planned, but we will need to leave now.”
He planted one last kiss on her jaw before pulling his arm out from underneath her and rummaging beside the bedroll. He procured a small mug of steaming tea in seconds and some dried fruits to get her going.
She inhaled the steam and sighed while eyeing the fruits in his palm with sleepy eyes. “You think of everything my love”, she said, warm feelings spreading, even though the sunlight had yet to reach the horizon.
They spent the day together, watching the sunrise over the pond that was colored in fluid pinks and oranges, laughing, chatting, wandering, stealing kisses. They had cleared the area of trouble a long time ago, and the inquisition outposts had held the peace. She could actually feel the peace. She hadn’t forgotten about the final battle with Corypheus of course, but right here, right now was important. If she survived the battle this, Solas, was her future.
Alexia loved their happy time together, but she was getting anxious that he hadn’t told her yet. No big reveals. When was he planning on doing that? When evening came, the butterflies in her stomach felt the size of bats and were making her nauseous. That is when she realized Solas had brought her to the cove with the waterfall and two beautiful statues of Ghilan’nain .
The cove was deserted and the rush from the waterfall was the only sound in the background. Luna’s reflection trickled in the pond. The setting was intoxicating.
He lifted her hand to his lips as they strolled and caressed the back of her hand as he hummed.
She hurried before he could speak. “The veil is thin here, I can feel it tingling and reacting to my magic”.
Solas arched a brow at her, hopefully he was a little impressed by her magical senses, even though the dialogue was his originally.
She moved her hand so she could cup his cheek and gaze into his stormy grey eyes. He leaned into her touch caressing her wrists and said with love in his voice “I was trying to determine some way to show what you mean to me”.
“Oh? If you don’t think a romantic date is enough I have few suggestions”. The response was delivered with an obvious smirk and sideways glance.
Good, she thought to herself, keep the mood light for him.
“I shall bear that in mind, Vhenan, but all I can offer for now is.. the truth.”
Ok. Well, I wear no Vallaslin so this must mean.. She kept her gaze locked to his even though she was trembling lightly with giddyness. He stood opposite her, taking both her hands in his.
“You are unique, in all Thedas I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the fade. You have become important to me, more important than I could have imagined”. His earnest voice was enchanting and she urged him on with a warm smile and expecting eyes, and said “I know exactly what you mean, I don’t think I could have gone through all this without you”.
As she spoke he had been kissing her knuckles, but stilled as his eyes flicked down for less than a moment.
As he readied himself to speak he was letting her hands fall but she held on to his. Oh no you don’t, she thought.
“Then what I must tell you..” His gaze flicked down again. She found it again still smiling lovingly.
“The truth..” He blinked. She kept her willful gaze. She would not be deterred and fail to be seen as trustworthy.
“Is that I distracted you from your duty, I’m sorry.”
It was her turn to blink a few times now. “You what now?” She saw the panicked frown he wore on his face now instead of earnest affection.
“It will never happen again”. He guided her hands down and let go. “I am so sorry”.
She stood frozen, eyes wide at the space beside him, a smile still on her face but not a happy one anymore as he turned to leave.
This cannot be happening.. What- “You have got to be fucking kidding me you arse”. Her voice turning high pitched at the last words.
He stopped and turned back toward her. “Please Vhenan” Urging her to drop it.
She couldn’t believe it. “What the actual fuck!?” She huffed incredulously, standing completely still, staring up toward nothing.
“You have a rare and marvelous spirit.” He took a step toward her and their gazes met again, his earnest but sad, and hers still wide eyed in disbelief. Then his gaze dropped and he turned around to walk away “In another world-”
She snapped out of her disbelief and felt a spark of anger instead.
“Holy fuck, I must have been a bloody retard to think this could actually work! How could I not see that you were just playing along, playing happy fucking pretend-” her quick but colourful rambling to herself made his ears lay back as he paced away. He knew he deserved it.
“-basking in finally being appreciated. And today? Luring me out on romantic strolls and feeding me! For this?!” Her shrill voice stopped for but a moment and she felt her coiling anger beginning to flare. “You bastard. You decrepit idiot wolf!”
At the last word he stilled, turning slowly towards her with a surprised and open mouthed frown. He was beginning to mouth a question but she beat him to it.
“Oh yes, I know you’re Fen’ bloody Harel. I’ve known all along. I know the orb is yours, I know what you intended to do with it, I know you made the veil to protect the Elvhen from the Evanuris and destroyed them in the process, and I loved you” His face showed utter horror at having his secrets spilled out before him and from his beloved who should have been spared all that.
“And before you ask, no, no one else knows.” She snapped, angry tears welling. “So there, I know your secrets, am I to pay for it now? Am I to be bound in some way to your will, killed, made tranquil? You probably think of me as little more anyway.” Her voice did not betray if it was said in spite or if she actually believed it.
His horror even more plain on his face, and his quiet demeanour forgotten as he took a hasty step towards her again. “No! How could you think something like that?”
“I know you’re not the evil god the Dalish make you out to be, but you are ruthless. You’ve battled many wars throughout your millennia and done what was necessary. Why would this be any different?”
“Vhenan-“ His soft beginning was interrupted.
“Don’t call me that” she emphasized with venom in her voice. “I loved you right from the beginning, I trusted you, I gave everything of myself to you as I waited for you, I would have stood by you through anything”. Her magic was beginning to act on her anger and sparks sizzled in the air around them, as her gestures increased.
Solas gave the sparks little notice and braved the conversation again. “Why did you not tell me sooner? If you have known all this time?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” She wiped a tear from her cheek harshly as he waited oblivious for her answer. “I wanted you to trust me, I thought you trusted me in the end. I was clearly mistaken. You will always care more about your mission than me.” She choked down an angry sob and turned away from him.
They still had several meters’ distance between them and a moment of silence.
“Can I explain?” He asked tentatively.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I can’t imagine a single thing you could say that would help this situation in any way. If you have no intention of silencing me, do me a favor and board a ship out of this world”. Her voice was dripping with vicious sarcasm.
His furrowed brows arched. “Excuse me?”
“You know, fuck off. Fenedhis lasa, Solas. Leave the inquisition or stay on for your precious orb, I don’t care anymore. Do whatever the hell you want, but go away. We’re done, you missed your chance at explaining buster.” She sat on a boulder with her back facing him.
“Alexia-“ He took a step towards her but was cut off as she whirled around and shot a furious wall of electricity between them that shoved him backwards several steps and almost toppled him over by mere force.
“Leave. Me. Be.” She warned, blue electricity crackling through her eyes and enhanced by the sapphire depths of fury. Even the anchor was coiling together with the electricity around her hands and arms.
His surprised features changed into acceptance, and he pulled his lingering gaze from her and left the cove.