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most days it just stares at him. from the bottom shelf of his fridge the slim bottle looks him in the eye and dares him to open it. he would except wine bottle openers are only meant to be used by people with degrees because james doesn't even know where it all goes.
it's on the night of his first goal back that he's high off the fact of life and this seems like a brilliant plan. he's also less than sober off a couple of beers with the guys but his mom drinks wine. it's probably like those little cosmos you get at bars where it's all juice and umbrellas and no alcohol.
it takes a while to figure out that hey, there is actually some weird shit he needs to take off around it first. he doesn't know how he doesn't slice a finger open but he's not about to press his luck now.
then it's him.
and the bottle opener.
does it... does it twist?
to youtube.
this guy miguel seems nice. the intro to his video is way long but he's here for miguel. except now he's going a bit too deep. showing labels? that is way too complex. well, he doesn't seem to have the best equipment for the job since his has some weird side flaps but miguel would understand. he's sure of it. according to miguel he's already off to a bad start. miguel is one sly dog because that shit is right in the middle of the screw. he's got this. he's a pro now.
oh shit it does twist.
oh my god how long is this cork. he must be pulling it on an angle like miguel says because this is not working at all. oh he just bruised the wine. but fuck yeah miguel he's got this bottle open and the world in his hands.
well, the neck in his hands because wow, this was built for being held.
flipping on the tv james settles with some say yes to the dress (it seems like the perfect combination okay. and god damn are those dresses gorgeous) and his bottle of... rosé? james can't read french so it's whatever. he was born in ontario not quebec.
taking a few sips james is here for it. it's not beer but it's not unpleasant (who is james kidding he is so here for this stuff). half way through and ankle deep in mermaid cut dresses, james is solid with the wine. only how does it close? saran wrap wouldn't work and is he really supposed to put that cork back in?
then it all comes together.
you're supposed to finish it all. james stares at the bottle and the three episodes left in this season and a man has to do what a man has to do.
"no, no, no! go with the modified sweetheart neckline! that beading is so wonderful you're going to ruin it all," james yells at the tv, wine bottle still glued to his hand but completely void of life.
grabbing his phone, james dials paulie, hoping that somehow he will talk sense into this girl.
"james? what are you? do i need to call your parents?"
"no paulie! you need to call this girl! she is going to ruin her wedding day!"
"i'm coming over there."
true to his word, paulie is over in a flash and is met with james on the floor remote in hand as a life source and the bottle discarded to the side.
"james, did you just drink all of this?"
"of course. it doesn't close paulie."