Chapter Text
When the door of the conference room opened, five exhausted faces turned slowly toward it. Entering the room, Mike was surprised by how tired and lifeless the band looked, how bored they all seemed to be at the idea of attending yet another meeting. It made him think that the life of mega-successful boybanders might not be all it was cracked up to be.
After sitting in the chair that was obviously destined to him, across the table from the band, he said, "Hi guys. Let me introduce myself, I'm Mike, and, as I'm sure you've already been told, I am sent this morning by Syco and Modest to meet with you and discuss your image.'
Unsure of how that announcement was going to get received, he added, "We are going to have a great time! Hurrah!"
Judging by Liam's sigh, his audience was not convinced. "Not again. How many meetings have we had already? Ten? Just for this year. What can there be left to talk about?"
"Yes. It's another one. Sorry. But as you can see, this one is a little different. I'm new and we are alone. This is a heart-to-heart and everything we talk about today will stay between us if you want it to. This is not an emergency meeting needing immediate results. I mean, last week's Jonathan Ross interview was good and went mostly according to plan, didn't it? Niall's wee-incident excluded I mean. Huh, dare I hope that particular incident wasn't actually planned?"
Louis sniggered, and they all smiled while Zayn said, "Not planned by management, no. But I dared Niall to do it as a forfeit when he lost a game at FIFA 12. Served him right to be such a lousy striker."
Mike slowly shook his head. "If that's the kind of dares you get up to during promo tours, I can see why I was asked to come and meet with you. A 20-year-old man shouldn't act like a schoolboy dying for a wee during class. Even in panto this would be embarrassing to watch. Aren't you supposed to act as grown-ups now? You certainly ask enough to be treated as such in interviews."
"Come on man. Don't start. It was just a bit of a laugh. No harm done," said Liam. "There's really no need to make a big deal out of it. Besides, it went quite well with the audience."
Mike seemed willing to concede the point. "Yes, it did. To my ears, the audience during the show sounded quite young, which probably helped. But the more that kind of behaviour goes on, the more the needed transition you've got to make toward the second part of your career will be difficult to achieve... And that's basically why I'm here today. Some higher-ups in Modest and Syco's ranks, and yes, that includes 'Uncle Simon', feel that it is becoming more and more difficult to market you in the usual way, like a bunch of lads enjoying life and having fun with their fame. Once there are tattoos, pregnancy rumours and wedding bells ringing on the horizon, marketing you as you've been marketed so far, which is, if you pardon my French, as fresh meat, romantically and sexually available to all your fans, becomes more and more tricky, and more and more gruesome, I might add, since your fans are still mostly underage."
The words "fresh meat" seemed to make quite an impression on Niall and Harry, who both went a bit pink.
"Don't get me wrong," continued Mike. "The last 25 years proved without a doubt that this is an effective method of promoting a band of five lads with pretty faces, but it also showed that it made them successful for two or three years at the most. Only Take That managed to buck that trend and obtain some kind of long-term success, probably because they had the luxury of mostly writing their own songs. You don't have that luxury yet. Besides, even Take That needed a lengthy break to get back together and start this new stage of their career."
"What about McFly then? They are still around, aren't they? It's been ten years," asked Niall.
"That's true. What McFly is doing at the moment is quite remarkable, but you must realize if you follow the charts that their level of commercial success is roughly a quarter, if that, of what it used to be when they were at their peak. They are smart enough to realize that it still makes for a comfortable living and keep on doing it, but once again, they are their own songwriters, so they have much more of a leeway in the way they strike deals with record companies... Anyway, enough about other bands! Let's get back to the five of you. As I said, this is a completely private meeting. Everything you say to me here will not get out of that room if you don't want it to. That goes even for lies you might have told your management beforehand. You'll have that promise set in a contract of confidentiality we will all sign at the end of this meeting."
Liam looked surprised. "What are you on about? Everything we ever said in meetings has always been kept from the public. That's the only way the band could have made it so far."
"Of course, it goes without saying that all managerial decisions are kept from the public," said Mike. "But in this case, what we are going to talk about will also be kept at first from your families, Syco, Modest, and so on. I've been sent here with a specific motive, and the freedom to make it happen with you if you all agree to it. We'll have logistical help from Modest and your usual PRs if we ask for it but we can also go it alone if we want to. I managed to obtain that promise out of Syco and Modest. Any information that goes out of this room will have to be agreed between the five of you... See me as a counselor, if you will."
"Now, that's an interesting development. Does it mean we can rediscuss some specific points from our contracts then?" Harry said, already salivating at the idea of a change in his obligations.
"Don't get too excited, Harry. I've been warned about your ink addiction. And it had been made absolutely clear to me that any tattoos that can't be hidden behind a tuxedo are still completely forbidden. There is no way you can get a great eagle drawn across your forehead, or have "Slap here if drunk ;p " written on your cheeks, at least as long as you're under contract with the band. Sorry."
Harry mock-sighed and smiled. "Pity. Those were great ideas."
"Debatable, mate," said Niall. "I think far too many people already find you slappable. No need to encourage them. Do I have to remind you that you are the reigning NME villain of the year!"
"No, you don't. It's still one of my proudest achievements," Harry said, mockingly puffing his chest. "I am pure evil incarnated, while you're just annoying little pixies, barely able to trip up old ladies. Mwahahaha!"
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Mike had been warned that reunions between those guys could easily end up going round in circles, each of them trying to out-banter the other for as long as possible. Apparently, they were willing to put quite considerable effort as a team to make the boring bits of the meeting come up as late as possible.
That said, they would probably get restless if the meeting were to last too long, so Mike tried to take back control of the proceedings. "Yes Harry, you are extremely scary with your dimples of death and your curls of destruction. But let's focus for a bit now. First, you'll have to excuse me if sometimes my meaning comes across a bit muddled. I have no qualifications for what I was asked to do with you, and quite frankly I'm winging it to quite an extent. I'm not even sure why I was chosen for the job. My best guess is that some of the things I tweeted or wrote online about you must have seemed interesting to your bosses. So they hired me so I could explain some of my ideas to you. It'd would explain why they contacted me via Livejournal."
"Anyway, that's quite enough about me. Let's start this meeting with a simple question to all of you. How do you think you came across recently, in interviews and such? Do you think you looked happy to be in the band, thankful to your fans for their support, and so on?"
Liam was the first to answer. "It's not always an easy task but I think we manage quite well actually. We almost always thank our fans after interviews and gigs. We stop for signing things or taking pictures. We try to be as available as possible to the fans during promo days. We do our best."
As Liam seemed truly worried he had somehow let fans down in recent weeks, Mike felt like he should put him at ease. "Don't worry. That's not why I am here. Your bosses seem quite content with you on that point. As far as public appearances go, behaviour on stage or interacting with fans, you do everything you're supposed to do. But, it has also been noticed that some of you don't look like they enjoy it any more. It has visibly become quite a burden for some of you and that lack of enthusiasm is beginning to get media coverage as well... If I may be a little blunt, Harry, you've been looking like you want out for weeks now. And Louis, in all fairness, you're not doing much better."
Harry and Louis both looked at Mike, not exactly shocked to hear that bit of criticism but still ready to protest against it and restate their commitment toward the band. Mike did not give them the time to do so. "Now, now, there is no need to get defensive. I'm not being sent here to chastise you. I won't threaten you with fines, force you to smile and shut up. On the contrary, I'm being sent here so we can address those feelings you might have and talk them out. But before we do that, I probably have to give you my views about what being in a boy band actually means.... I assume you are all pop fans at heart and are aware of the way most boy bands come and go quite quickly."
They all nodded.
"Still, a quck summary can't hurt. Listen to this three-step process I'm going to outline now and tell me afterward to what extent you feel like it applies to you."
"Step One : You're all clean-shaven, probably not old enough to drink. You smile a lot, you're goofy in interviews, not media-trained at all. You sing pretty songs about love written for you by pop producers. You have almost zero input in things. You're thankful for everything happening around you. You don't ask questions and aren't paid much. Broadsheet journalists usually don't acknowledge you during that stage. It's all teen mags and daytime kid's TV."
"Then there is Step Two : You're a success and you're getting more and more professional about what is becoming a job. You've designed a very speedy and illegible scribble to sign pictures. You've perfected a smile that does not always reach your eyes when you pose for pictures. You feel more business-orientated. You probably have accountants or lawyers who look after your interests when contracts are renewed. You start wanting to take part in the decision-making process. This is the stage where tabloids put you on the cover every other day while broadsheet journalists refer to you as 'pop puppets who captured the mood of the age' and employ big words like 'social phenomenon'".
"And then we get to Step Three : Success is huge. Arenas and stadium sell out in days. iTunes preorders go through the roof. All of you are now roughly of legal age. Hints of rebellion begin to appear in each of you. These are the times of the multiplying tattoos, the sudden changes of hairstyles, the public drinking. Steady partners start to pop up in the papers for some, while for others sleeping around get acknowledged by everyone but your youngest fans. Drugs can also come into the picture at this point."
At that point, Mike couldn't help noticing covert looks toward one of the band members so he felt obligated to add, with a fervour he was not able to completely suppress. "I am not in any way qualified to deal with drug problems and my order of mission here does not mention anything about it. But if drugs, hard drugs I mean, are a worry for one or some of you, talk it out with each other or with outside people, and please do something about it... I don't say this as an employee of your bosses, but as a fan. Don't go that road if you can help it!"
The atmosphere in the room got quite strange for a while, before Mike added, "I apologise. That was very unprofessional of me, but I know what drugs can do to you, and I always get a bit emotional when people I like might be struggling with them. I will talk no more about that subject. I just hope you'll keep it in mind."
The looks the five singers were sharing were not as reassuring as Mike would have hoped but it would have to do for now.
The new PR then came back to his primary mission. "Well, would you agree with my summary of a typical boy band's life? Does it fit with how you remember the past three years, and do you feel, like I do, that you are now, as a band, clearly at the third stage?"
"I think we do, yeah," said Harry. "And I said as much in the movie.. and that wasn't even cut off from the edit, like most things we said that were even remotely unenthusiastic about the band. So it must be a natural state of mind, if we are even allowed to express it."
Louis interrupted, "It's true we feel more and more often trapped inside our public images, not recognizing ourselves in the way people, and especially our fans, see us. We rant about it a lot among ourselves. Of course we are still hugely thankful for everything that happens to us. We would be stupid not to be. But to be honest I'm not sure it can go on for much longer. Something has got to give, and sooner rather than later I think. I'm pretty sure all of us would agree with that?"
Louis looked around for approval.
"Yes, I think it's fair to say we are all a bit tired of kid's TV now," continued Zayn, "of being asked what our favourite colour is or whether we wear boxers or briefs, or about what qualities we look for in a girl. I mean, not that I want to compare ourselves with him or anything, but when was the last time Bob Dylan got asked what he likes in a girl? It must have been ages, right?"
"I bet nobody ever asked him, the ugly bastard", ejaculated Niall, while most of his band mates sniggered. **
"Don't diss the Bob, man. It's bad luck. He's a genius," said Harry.
"Don't worry. There will be no Bob-dissing on my watch," Mike said. "So you all agree that Stage Three is indeed where you are at at the moment? Good!"
"Now let's look at the future. From here one can foresee a few possible outcomes."
"The most common one is this. Let's call it the Backstreet-Boys-fading-away. Band members get tired of being seen as pop puppets. They start refusing the term boy band and decide to call themselves a quote male vocal group endquote, then churn up albums full of increasingly bland power ballads that sell less and less as time goes by. They generally end up being seen as has-beens by the general public, although they may get the odd job as judges in a reality TV show and usually keep a handful of committed fans, usually women who got older listening to their songs and now stick with them mostly for nostalgia's sake."
"Interestingly, some bands are marketed as male vocal groups from the start and are sometimes able to remain relevant for a bit longer. Look at Westlife for instance, or Boyz II Men. But those bands usually have been targeted from the start to an older audience. That's clearly not your case. You started too blatantly as a teen pop band to be able to go that route. In any case, I don't think you're the kind of band who can pull off an earnest, synchronated standing-from-a-stool without falling down laughing."
"Well, aren't you a pretty ray of sunshine? Were you really sent here to bring us down by telling us our days are numbered?", said Liam.
Not deterred by the long faces facing him, Mike continued his somewhat bleak exposé about the shelf life of modern boybands.
"Another frequent outcome is that the most popular member of the band break out and start a solo career, effectively ending the band. See *Nsync or Busted for instance, or even Take That. They took a while to get over Robbie's leaving."
After a tiny pause, Mike added with a smile, "You'll all notice I hope how I am pointedly not looking at Niall right now."
All eyes that had automatically turned toward Harry suddenly went to Niall in surprise, except Niall's own, which just got comically bigger in his suddenly crimson face.
"But.. but... Me! Are you mad? I have no intention of going solo! What would I do all by meself on a stage? Juggling? Interpretative dancing? Don't be daft!"
Niall's four bandmates then looked at him with such incredible fondness that Mike was reminded of a description of Niall he heard on TV, "the one with the face like a pie". That was exactly it. Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis were looking at him with the same easy affection they might feel for the apple pie their grandmothers used to bake at the weekend, like something they could never stop liking even if they wanted to.
Mike thought it was a beautiful moment. As tense as some commentators thought the atmosphere between the five men were, there was still obviously a lot of friendship there.
Harry smiled and addressed Mike directly, "I see what you've done here, and I can assure you we all appreciate it. But don't worry. No one, not even the headline-grabbing star-shagging pop heartthrob some tabloids see me as, wants to go solo right now. Besides, the contracts we signed a few weeks ago were quite clear about that. We would work at Asda and only eat pasta and ketchup for the rest of our lives if we were to leave the band before our contract is up."
Mike had not been able to see the actual contracts signed between the five singers and their management, but that sounded pretty dire. Maybe that's why he tried to inject some optimism into his next words.
"Well, as I mentioned before, more positive outcomes are possible for bands that write their own songs, usually because they have the upper hand when negotiating with their record companies, which means they can mostly decide their future for themselves. Some bands even manage to completely erase from memory where they come from. The first Beatles album for instance was for all intents and purposes a boy band album. It was all simple melodies about puppy love and holding hands. They only became recognized pop legends later, when their music got more adventurous and imaginative."
Louis shook his head. "Thanks for trying mate, but I really don't think we are the next Beatles."
"Quite frankly," answered Mike, "I don't think you are either. But as Niall said, a band like McFly can happily go on its merry way as B-listers, and be perfectly happy about it. In all honesty, that's not the gloomiest way you could imagine for a boyband to grow older. And I think you are friendly with them, aren't you?"
"Yes, we are," said Niall.
"See. It's not all doom and gloom then.", said Mike with a smile.
"So, we established what your current situation is and, looking at bands from the past, made a list of the choices you have,' said Mike. "Your third album is already done and your stadium tour starts in a few weeks. Most of that is already a done deal and we couldn't change much about them if we wanted to. But, come September 2014, everything is once again possible, inside the framework of your contracts of course. So now is the time to brainstorm, to decide whether one of those outcomes I just enumerate suit you or whether you want to try and trailblaze a brand new path for yourselves."
The five 1D members were looking at Mike in askance, not quite sure of what kind of answers were expected of them at this point.
Mike narrowed down his questioning. "Let's start with a specific question, how do you see yourself in five years' time? Do you think you will still be together as a band?"
Louis was the first to answer. "I really don't know, but if we are, it would probably not be in the same way. Our contract would have been up for renegotiation at least once. Some of us might have had kids or got married. So we probably would no longer agree to six-month-long tours or weeks of non-stop promo around the world. And if we can be a bit smug about it, we won't have to. I mean, we've been treated quite fairly by management so far, and all of us are already settled for life, money-wise. Except if we develop an Elton-John-size coke habit, we will never have money trouble again. It's a nice cushion to fall back on and it will give us some freedom when time will come to decide."
"Exactly," added Zayn, looking at Mike. "You seem disappointed that we haven't yet discussed all this but that's because there is no hurry. We can afford to wait until the end of our current contract and see how we'll feel by then."
They all nodded, except Liam, who seemed a bit more reluctant to agree. "Well, it never hurts to be prepared, is it? Quite frankly, it makes me feel bad that you all feel like in three years, this might be it and we would never need to see each other again."
I got to see then why they were labelled such a tactile bunch of guys. They all ooh-ed and ah-ed at each other for a good thirty seconds while Liam got one-armed hugs from all sides.
"Of course, we'll see each other again. You promised me I'd be the godfather of your first born."
"No, it was me. You grubby bastard. You already bagged Zayn's second-born."
And so on, for at least two minutes.
It was going to be a long meeting.