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Later, Raynia would attribute the uneasy feeling that woke her up to her newfound mothering instinct. Someone she loved was in trouble, somehow, and so her dream drifted to the edges of her consciousness and she woke up. Her eyes remained shut as she wondered what the problem was; the room was quiet and still, the only sound being Jax’s breathing.
His breath came fast, though. Too fast.
A cry made her snap her eyes open and roll over. Jax lay with his fists tight around the blanket, his eyes squeezed shut and his brow furrowed. He flinched, saying something in English, then raising his hand as if to ward off a blow.
Raynia sat up. “Jax,” she whispered, gently nudging his arm. “Jax, wake up. It’s just a dream.”
Jax sat bolt upright with a yell, flailing wildly. His fist slammed into Raynia’s upper arm. Hard. Raynia clamped a hand over her mouth, stifling the pained cry that escaped her lips, and scooted away from him, watching with wide eyes.
But he sat still, breathing hard, tense as if ready to lunge out of the bed and attack anything that moved. Raynia remained stock-still, blinking back the involuntary tears that stung her eyelids while her arm throbbed.
Jax blinked in the dark, then his shoulders slumped and he drew his knees to his chest. He stared down at the blanket, his brow furrowed as if trying to work out what had just happened.
“You okay?” Raynia whispered.
Jax jumped and looked at her. “Yeah…Oh, Raynia, I’m sorry I woke you,” he replied softly.
He didn’t realize he’d hit her.
Raynia swallowed and scooted closer. She wrapped her arms around him, ignoring how it made her left arm hurt even more. “It’s all right.” She kissed his cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really…” Jax said, tensing.
“All right.” Raynia rubbed his back, then crawled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom.
Once she’d shut the door behind her, Raynia allowed herself a moment of weakness. She clutched her hurt arm, hissing through her teeth as she kicked open the cupboard. She grabbed the tricorder and held it against her arm. It beeped, and she cast a glance at the door, hoping Jax hadn’t heard her.
All was silent, and the tricorder beeped once more. Raynia looked at the display; no fracture, but she’d have a nasty bruise by morning. She sighed.
“You all right in there?” Jax asked, right outside the door. Raynia jumped.
“I’m fine!” she replied, putting away the tricorder and opening the door. Jax looked down at her, his brows knit together.
“Why did I hear the tricorder?” he asked.
“Oh…I was looking for a towel and I dropped it.” Raynia shrugged. “The floor has bursitis.”
Jax smiled a little, and Raynia almost believed her lie had worked. But Jax’s eyes landed on her arm, and he started.
“What happened to your arm? Is that recent?” He stepped closer and gently took Raynia’s arm.
“That? Oh, I—Jax, ow—” His fingers brushed the sore spot, and Raynia flinched.
Jax’s frown deepened, then his eyes widened.
“Did I..did I hit you just now?” he asked, his voice raw with a whispered disbelief.
“Um..yes…”
Jax froze, staring at her with wide eyes. “What?”
“You hit me in your sleep, but it’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big…” Jax guided Raynia back into the bathroom. “Raynia, that’s a huge deal.” He rummaged through the drawers, grabbing the tricorder again. “Here, sit on the counter…Raynia, I’m so sorry…” He palmed the controls on the wall, readying an ice pack. He put together an analgesic hypospray, his hands trembling. “I should have realized you were there, I’m so sorry…”
“It’s all right, Jax,” Raynia said. She looked up at him. There was distinct pain in his eyes as he applied the hypospray.
Jax didn’t reply, just grabbed the ice pack and carefully wrapped it around Raynia’s arm. He stepped back, surveying his handiwork, then swallowed and looked at the floor.
“Hey,” Raynia said after a minute, kicking him lightly. Jax glanced up at her.
“Remember that time I gave you a bloody nose? When we were cadets? Or the time I whacked you with the flat of my sword?”
Jax shook his head. “That’s different, Raynia.”
“How? You also almost gave me a concussion. That hurt way worse than this does, and that wasn’t even a big deal. I had a headache for a few hours and that’s it. And that was an accident, too, Jax.”
“No, Raynia…I didn’t even realize I’d hit you just now till I saw your arm.”
“So? Still an accident.”
“What if I’d hit you in the face? Or…” He paused, his eyes travelling down to her belly. He shuddered and stepped back further.
Raynia paused, the thought sending a sudden wave of fear through her. She swallowed and shoved it away, refusing to think about what could happen if Jax’s unspoken words came true.
“You’re not going to hurt the baby,” she said, hoping the forcefulness in her tone would convince both her and Jax.
Jax looked at her, and the worry in his eyes made something wrench painfully inside Raynia.
“It was just an accident, nin mel,” she said softly. “Nothing more. It’s all right.”
Jax shifted his feet. “How does your arm feel?”
“Better.” Raynia pulled off the ice pack and put it away. “Come on, I’m exhausted.” She took Jax’s arm and guided him out of the bathroom. She crawled into bed, but Jax hesitated, standing barefoot a few feet away.
“Jax, come, on, go back to sleep,” Raynia said.
“I think…I think I’ll sleep in the other room,” Jax said.
Raynia sat up. “What?”
“At least until the baby’s born,” Jax continued quickly. He swallowed. “I can’t keep waking you up.”
Raynia frowned. “Jax…”
“Goodnight, Raynia.” He stooped to kiss her, but she shied away and grasped his hand.
“Jax, please. It was an accident. I’m fine.”
“Don’t be silly, Raynia—”
“You’re being silly!” Raynia exclaimed. “What about when the baby’s born, are you going to be afraid of dropping her?”
Jax stiffened. “No…”
“Then stop being ridiculous and come back to bed. Please.”
Jax paused, then relented, crawling under the covers and lying as far from Raynia as possible, curled up with his back to her. Raynia sighed and scooted closer, feeling him tense as she wrapped her arm around his waist. She found his clasped hands and rested her hand atop his.
“When I’m this close, you can’t hurt me,” she whispered.
Jax sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I never want to hurt you, Raynia,” he whispered.
“Accidents happen, but it’s okay. I still love you,” Raynia replied.
A beat. “Le melin,” Jax said, almost inaudibly.
Raynia buried her face in his neck, kissing him gently. “Mmm,” she breathed. “You smell good.”
Jax laughed, and even though it was no more than a tiny amused puff of air, it was enough.