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“Ridge, can you die?”
It was, he would admit, a rather odd sort of musing under the circumstances, but the question had been burning a small, dark channel into the back of Xephos’ mind for some time, and the liquid afterglow had apparently relaxed his tongue as much as the rest of him.
There was a long moment before any reply. The elegant figure behind him didn’t actually move, but Xephos caught a sense of something in the slightly smoky-air for second, a hesitation that sent a flicker of concern even through his own fuzzy thoughts. Then long fingers trailed through his hair, chasing a few damp strands aside, and Ridge laughed quietly.
“Not sure. Never tried.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Xephos tilted back, craning until he could see Ridge’s face, pale against the starless night above. “You’re a… I mean, I’m – we’re all… that’s why this works, right?” He located a hand, shaking off a little more of the warm stupor, and waved thickly out across the polished crystal of the platform. “The Game. Dying here, each time. All the little… sacrifices.”
Ridge grinned as he leaned down, tracing his lips closed between Xephos’ eyebrows, as breath ghosted down his face.
“That’s one way to put it. Feeling macabre today, are we?”
Xephos snorted. He wriggled round in the encircling arms, until he had a less crick-neck angle to work with.
“This from you? I note you were pretty liberal with the buckets of lava this time.”
“That’s hilarious, though.” The grin stretched wider as Ridge chuckled, shifting to draw his fingertips along Xephos’ spine, chasing sparking goosebumps under the skin. “Spontaneous-ignition slapstick. I could sell tickets.”
“I hate to think who’d buy them.” Xephos pulled a face, then shivered as Ridge’s nails grazed idle patterns into the back of his neck. “...you’re trying to distract me.”
“Yup.”
“Why?” He propped himself up a bit more, frowning. “Okay, so maybe it’d be a weird question normally, but for people like you – ”
Ridge sat back, his hand dropping, and he shook his head.
“There aren’t really people like me,” he said quietly; there was an edge to his voice now – not angry, more akin to tired, and Xephos’ own frown deepened.
“You’re not the only one, though.” He brought himself more completely around, straightening up so he was sat across Ridge’s thighs, knees bordering them both. “You said – I mean there’s Nano at least, right?”
Ridge shifted a little, and there was a flicker of discomfort just under his expression; it was so slight, that anyone who was less familiar with those features might have missed it. He glanced aside, his gaze tracking out across the tinged sky around them.
“Something like that.”
Xephos couldn’t hold back a moment of exasperation. Wonderful time to become evasive. He probably shouldn’t be prying, but…
This was Ridge. Xephos knew him, sure enough – as much as you probably could, within any reasonable assumption – but he knew so little about him, and that rankled in a very specific way.
He was quite aware of the irony, there.
“You said she was – ” he started, but Ridge reached up, cutting him off as he cupped Xephos’ face in one hand, running a thumb down along the edge of his beard in what – he knew bloody well – was a very distracting motion. There was a strange depth to his stare again, so-distant shadows pooling somewhere in the abyssal dark, even as their gazes locked.
“Xeph, look… Even things that are like me, aren’t all that much like me. Nano’s – ” he stopped, and a small frown etched itself onto his brow, as his lips tightened slightly. “...I guess ‘young’ is as good a word as any. But I couldn’t tell you what she’ll become. Just that it won’t be me.”
It wasn’t cold here – even with the fading fires down below, the shifting air was hard to even notice – but a faint chill scattered across Xephos’ skin anyway as he moved aside, adjusting until he was sat on the platform itself, and drew his knees up until he could rest his forearms across them, propping up his own chin. Ridge didn’t move. They sat in silence for a while, staring at nothing.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. Ridge looked round sharply, his brows arching, and blinked at him. He looked genuinely surprised.
“Why?”
“It’s – well, it’s none of my business. Not really,” he added in, awkwardly – and all the ramifications of that statement seemed to fan out in the air around him, ice-sharp against his thoughts. Ridge hesitated; then he smirked and shrugged.
“It’s at least some of your business. Just… not something I have to talk about all that often.” He reached out, trailing the back of one hand down Xephos’ arm, and his lips pursed, thoughtfully. When he spoke again, the heavy edge was back in his voice, tugging a little harder at the accent that wound around his words.
“There are others. It’s not what you’d call a population, but they exist. Met a few.” The hand dropped, tensing ever-so-slightly against the underlying glass. “Fought a couple of them.”
“Christ,” Xephos blinked, as his mind was suddenly full of special-effects, and he looked back at Ridge’s carefully-controlled expression. “That must’ve been interesting to watch.”
The grin broke through again, as Ridge spread his arms, gesturing back at himself in a show of frock.
“Hey, I’m always interesting.” He chuckled and shook his head as he relaxed back down, then his expression sobered. “But I’ve never killed one.” A frown dipped his brow again. “...not exactly sure where you’d even start.”
“A ‘no’ would have worked fine,” Xephos grumbled as he straightened up, running one of his own hands back through his hair to push it back into some semblance of decorum. He felt a bit stupid. The twisting urgency of the original question had died down somewhat – for now – and he supposed that was good enough. It wasn’t that he really had to worry about Ridge, not like he did with everyone else – or that he even could, for the most part. Even for Xephos, it was difficult to maintain constant concern for someone you could only actually remember while in their presence.
Which is part of the problem, isn’t it?
He shook his head, trying to chase away the thought as he looked back up at Ridge – and the next sarcastic retort died on his lips at the look on the demigod's face.
“I’ve seen it done, though. Once.” Ridge’s eyes, suddenly darkly brilliant in the sourceless light, locked so tightly with his own that Xephos felt it, and felt his own heartbeat abruptly slam home in response, insistent beneath his ribs. “With something like me – or nearly there, at least. Just once.”
Xephos’ lungs didn’t seem to be responding any more, clenching down on his breath so hard that he wasn’t sure how he spoke, how the words even got past his lips, weighed down with a sudden inevitable gravity that had bound up around him.
“What happened?” he asked – but he knew, he knew didn’t he? Down in the core of him, right down in the depths of his own soul, where the sibilant echoes still bounced even now, white and blood-crimson and screaming; in the indelible shadows of that moment, so long ago and so close and never really gone at all...
Ridge’s gaze was on him, strangely opened up – and there was fascination and pride and disbelief, and the tiniest, tiniest curl of something wary there. All tangled together, thick in the golden spillover-presence around them, as he reached out and traced fingertips across the sunken, pitted scar that ran ragged across Xephos’ ribs, just below his heart.
“You did.”
He meant to swear, but the words caught in his throat, blurting out in a half-strangled sound that seemed to take all his remaining breath with it, and Xephos caught onto his knees again, trying to push aside the sudden outbreak of violent shivers that jolted down his limbs. Pain bloomed in his lip as his teeth sank into the flesh and he tried to focus on that, pull his spiralling thoughts back into place again.
Fucking hell.
Fucking hell!
“ – ephos?”
His name, coming as if from far away, and Xephos swallowed hard, concentrating as Ridge’s face swam into view, sculpted with worry. He was in front of him now, his hands hovering hesitantly over Xephos’ white-knuckle grip on his own knees, dark stare flicking back and forth across his face.
“Xeph?” he repeated. “Can I -?”
Xephos managed a tight nod.
“‘m here,” he muttered. Ridge’s hands dropped down over his own, spilling the bright heat of him down into skin that seemed to have drained out entirely somehow, and Xephos snatched a new, shaking breath as Ridge shifted them both, wrapping arms back around him, pulling him into the ruffled warmth of his chest. Xephos pressed his forehead into the solid line of Ridge’s shoulder and concentrated on breathing.
They stayed like that for a long time. When he finally trusted his voice again, and none of his organs seemed to be trying to beat their way out anymore, Xephos gave a short, humourless laugh.
“...wasn’t a link I’d made,” he muttered. Ridge pressed a hand to his back, carefully.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t – ”
“It’s alright.” Xephos swallowed and shifted a little in the embrace, adjusting to a less frantic sort of position. “I’ve usually… got a better handle on it. Just – bit of a surprise. I didn’t think...” he hesitated, but the twisting edge to the thoughts seemed to have subsided, and he probed gingerly at his memories. “So… he was – I mean, he really was a -?”
“Not quite,” Ridge replied. “But it’d got closer than I’d thought. If I’d realised…” he trailed off, and Xephos felt him shake his head, chin brushing through his own hair. “Well. I might have done something.”
A faint edge of a smile tugged at Xephos’ lips.
“I thought you didn’t interfere?”
Ridge shrugged.
“That’s not set in stone. And even if it was – ” there was a faint tap as he reached down, and grey flashed at the bottom of Xephos’ vision, as a wave of textural granite rippled through the crystal beneath them, before returning to the glass once more. “I’m inventive.”
“You’re incorrigible,” Xephos corrected, and Ridge chuckled.
“Amazing how often those overlap.” He relaxed a little more, giving Xephos room to adjust his position again. “...you alright?”
“By my standards?” Xephos snorted. “Yeah, pretty much.” He looked up, meeting Ridge’s concerned stare, and slid a little more confidence into his voice. “Yes. Honestly. And I mean… it explains a lot.”
He sank back into the softened embrace, breathing slowly, as he felt the wash of Ridge’s extended presence swirl back around him, and the last twists of the sudden tension began to melt away again. “I’m just – gonna stay… here f’now…”
As his thoughts began to go fuzzy again at the edges, he was half-aware of Ridge pressing his lips gently to his forehead.
“You are extraordinary, Xeph,” he murmured, as sleep folded its wings closed around him. “Much more than you know.”
I wonder what else you haven’t told me.
But like everything else, just for now – that could wait.
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