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Sam stumbled a few steps, almost falling, when they reappeared, something he hadn’t done from flying in a long time. Going off Gabriel’s smirk he could only assume it was something the angel had done it intentionally.
“Looks like you’re getting a little rusty with the landings there,” Gabriel’s smirk only grew wider as Sam rolled his eyes.
“Are you sure it’s my landings we should be worried about? That wasn’t the smoothest flight, maybe you are getting old, or maybe you aren’t as well endowed in the wing area as you lead me to believe. It would explain the attitude; compensating for something.”
“I find that you would even consider bringing the prowess of my wings into question very hurtful,” He placed a hand over his chest in mock offence and anyone other than Sam would have bought the look of hurt and betrayal expertly worn on his face. Sam however, knew him well enough to recognise the scarcely noticeable quirk of his lips and therefore huffed out a laugh in response to Gabriel’s hunt for pity.
“Can I see them then?” He gestured vaguely at the space behind Gabriel, where he imagined the wings would be, “these fabled, and I quote, wings so awesome that they made the Pegasus look like a scruffy pigeon.”
It was always hard to tell what exactly what would be out of Gabriel’s comfortzone so Sam was surprised when Gabriel didn’t respond with a smirk and a witty comment, or even a casual deflection, but by freezing, his expression changing to a forced grin as he hurriedly shoved back up all the walls Sam had carefully spent months working to get behind. Instinctively Sam took a step forward, knowing Gabriel tended to respond better to physical comforts than verbal ones. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt flare through him as Gabriel drew back wearily, that horrible, fake grin widening.
“Now, now, kiddo, you should at least take me out to dinner first; I’m not that kinda girl.” Gabriel shoved his hands into his pockets, likely in an attempt to keep up a casual appearance.
Not pointing out he had taken Gabriel to dinner on multiply occasions, he decided to give Gabriel the out he wasn’t giving himself and change the subject, “Sorry, I forgot you were a blushing virgin, though that would certainly account for your performance last night.”
Even though he was still concerned Sam couldn’t help but count it as a personal victory that Gabriel’s eyes widened indignantly before his real smirk reappeared and a his eye’s glinted mischievously, “Want to put your dick where your mouth is?” Gabriel moved forward, grabbing Sam by the hand, clearly intent on proving his aptitude in bed. Grateful that Gabriel didn’t seem to about to vanish on him, something he sometimes did when uneasy, Sam laughed and allowed himself to be dragged into the motel room which, as was normal when Gabriel was involved, resembled a five star hotel room. He returned the kiss eagerly as his mouth was pulled down to meet Gabriel’s.
---
Gabriel had always been more honest after sex, when he felt safe and loved. Now, curled into Sam’s chest, drawing meaningless patterns on skin with his finger was no different, though Sam was still slightly surprised at Gabriel voluntarily returning to the topic.
“About earlier…” He buried his face into Sam’s shoulder, murmuring the words against his skin to avoid having to look him in the eye.
“You don’t have to explain anything you’re not comfortable with,” He pressed a kiss into Gabriel’s hair noting, but not commenting, on how Gabriel pulled himself closer at the words.
“It’s not…” He sighed and shifted his upper body back a little, not pulling from Sam’s arms but far enough that he could look at Sam’s face. He seemed to find whatever he was looking for because he continued, “Grooming is a social event for angels and it’s hard to do it yourself… I… They haven’t... They are a little worse for having not been well cared for… Recently.”
“That’s understandable Gabe. You’ve been through a lot. I’m sure Cas’ are a little scruffy too.” This was the wrong thing to say apparently as pain flashed across Gabriel’s face in the instant before he reburied it against Sam.
“Castiel’s wings are beautiful. Besides, this is different.”
“It’s fine Gabriel. It doesn’t matter.” He wasn’t that surprised anymore by how insecure Gabriel or how often he needed reassurance. It had taken him a long time to see through Gabriel’s façade and realise his arrogance could be used to cover some very self-destructive behaviour.
“I want you to see them,” Now he pulled from Sam’s grasp, moving against headboard and though every part of him wanted to keep Gabriel in his arms and sooth away his anxiety he let him go.
“Are you sure? Don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” Sam said gently. Gabriel only shook his head and nodded at the far end of the bed.
Sam shifted away, resting his hands on crossed legs trying very hard to look but not stare. Gabriel looked unhappy but determined and Sam almost asked him to stop; he wanted to see Gabriel’s wings but not if it was going to distress him this much. Before he had a chance however, Gabriel rolled his shoulders and three pairs of wings burst into existence.
Gabriel hadn’t been lying, his wings were… Battered. They were huge however, the largest pair too big to be fully extended even in this room. He kept them only half open to accommodate which also had the convenient side effect of stopping Sam from entirely seeing them. He was sure they had once been gold but any shine they had once had was gone, left a dull, lifeless tan. Many of the feathers were clumped together with oil and others bent or broken out of place. Some patches of feathers where missing and others growing slightly the wrong way as they tried to adjust to nasty, raised scars. They were still very impressive.
Gabriel shifted under Sam’s gaze and he realised too late he had been gaping.
“Like I said, they’re not-” Gabriel’s hands moved hurriedly to the inside of one of his wings, raking roughly through the feathers attempting to straighten some of them out with little success.
“Gabriel, they’re incredible.” Same breathed; wandering what Gabriel’s response would be if he lent forward to touch them. Gabriel didn’t seem to hear him however, and with more agitation grabbed at some of the dishevelled feathers and with a hiss pulled him from his wing. He dropped the feathers to the bed and returned his hands to the inside his wings with the same neglectful brutality.
“Gabriel!”
Gabriel was panting like a distressed animal and ignoring his unspoken promise not a move, Sam lunged forward, grabbing Gabriel’s hands and gripping them tightly in his, well aware of how much the angel instinctively trusted him when he didn’t break his grip with his superior strength but allowed himself to be held still despite his anguish. He wasn’t quite crying, but he was clearly panicking and his wide, unstaring gaze suggested he wasn’t quite all there.
“Gabriel, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s fine.” Sam pressed a kiss to the top of Gabriel’s head, “Please don’t hurt yourself.”
“Castiel offered to groom them for me after I helped with his.” Gabriel hiccuped, “But I didn’t want him to see.”
“I can I touch them?”
Gabriel tensed in his arms but nodded slowly. His knuckles turned white against Sam’s chest and while he tired to hold his wings still Sam could see his shoulder’s tremble slightly.
The response to Sam’s light touch was instantaneous as with a soft moan Gabriel melted against him. The dull feathers were softer than Sam expected and Gabriel was reaction was a surprise, though certainly not an unwelcome one.
“Am I doing this right?” Sam gently drew his fingers through the soft feathers, breaking up the clumps and spreading the oil better.
“Sam,” Gabriel breathed, “you don’t have to do that.”
The way Gabriel arched against him spoke volumes to how good it felt.
“I know; I want to. If it helps you, I want to.”
The angel nodded his consent.
Gabriel relaxed further under Sam’s careful touches especially as they became more confident. Sam didn’t know exactly what he was supposed to be doing and was going only off Gabriel’s reactions. That the tension was leaving Gabriel’s shoulders and he seemed less strained than Sam had ever seen him could only be a good thing. He avoided pulling out any feathers if he could, realising that Gabriel paradoxically seemed to have over-groomed even while failing to take good care of them, and most of them were salvageable.
“It was normally Lucifer that groomed them” Gabriel whispered after a while, “He did all of ours. Mike was terrible at forgetting and Luci would sometimes have to get Raph and me to ambush him to get him to sit still long enough so Lucifer could groom them for him. Mike always had something he thought he should be doing.”
Sam reminded quiet, keeping his attention on Gabriel’s wings as he neatened the feathers.
“Raphael took such good care of his wings. Lucifer was beautiful and knew it. I guess he was vain but it didn’t seem like it. He groomed them to keep them that way but Raph was obsessive about keeping them neat. He said it was so he could fly better but I now it’s obvious it was for the social aspect. He wasn’t very good at communicating otherwise. He showed he loved us because he took care of us but words were never his thing. I suspect he needed us to groom him so much to make up for that lack of verbal confirmation.”
Gabriel very rarely talked about heaven, even less about the other archangels. Sam couldn’t imagine how painful it had been for him to deal with his own wings while associating so much with his family. No wonder he had neglected them so much.
“Michael was the last person to groom them. He was always the best at it, despite Lucifer’s insistences otherwise. Mike groomed with the same care and devotion that he poured into everything he did; he just didn’t do it very often. He groomed them just before he left to face Lucifer. I think he was trying to apologise for what he was about to do.” Gabriel interrupted himself with a soft keen as Sam’s hands found a particular sensitive spot.
“It was the last time I saw him.”
Sam didn’t respond knowing that Gabriel would obsess over any deeper meaning to his words and twist them to be hurtful when he was in this kind of mood. Instead he continued with his careful grooming, watching as the wings improved under his attention.
Gabriel lapsed into silence again, broken only by soft sighs, keens, and occasional hiss of pain when Sam turned his attention on a particular sensitive spot.
---
Several hours must have passed but eventually Sam was satisfied with the state of all six wings and Gabriel had a half smile on his face and all in all resembled a contented cat. Sam took a moment to enjoy the sight.
“I think I’m done.” Sam drew back, rubbing his hands on his thighs in an attempt to clear them of some of the oil that now coated his hands
“Yeah, you are.” Gabriel examined his wings with an air of surprise and more care than he had shown them before. They were still discoloured and unlikely to win any beauty contests but they were neater than before. Sam hoped they would regain their colour as time passed and they were continuously cared for.
“Let’s go back to sleep Gabe. I’ll make you breakfast in a few hours.”
Gabriel nodded and lay down with Sam, curling against him, burrowing under the covers as best he could without putting his wings away. When Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel tighter than normal, no one commented.
“I’m sorry” Gabriel breathed, “I didn’t think I would react that way; it’s been so long since anyone saw them.”
“Gabri-”
“Thank you”
Sam smiled, running a finger down one of Gabriel’s long feathers.