Work Text:
“She let him shoot at you!”
“I asked her to trust me.”
“That only means you are a fool, too,” Evfra groused, pacing in front of the window.
The Aya sun was setting behind a thick blanket of clouds, leaving the air cloying, hard to breath and too warm as it crept under Jaal’s armour through the cracks in the plating. A darkling rest of light blackened Evfra’s face with shadows more than it illuminated it, the scarred furrows in his skin growing into stark lines. Kett had given those and the ones under his clothes to Evfra the day they had gutted him and left him for dead in his own kitchen as they dragged his family to the transports for the slave camps.
Evfra was one of the most closed-off angara Jaal knew, but Jaal didn’t need to him to explain why he was upset now.
“We couldn’t risk making Akksul a martyr.”
“I’d rather have him dead than you.”
“I am right here. I am clearly not dead.”
Because Evfra would not stand still, Jaal stepped forward and took his arm, forcing Evfra to face him. He didn’t need to restrain him, wouldn’t have done it, it was the touch that stopped Evfra in his tracks.
“I know we have tried to keep the Roekaar in check, but you agreed that Akksul had become dangerous. It’s one less block in our path. I had to do it like this, it was not recklessness.”
“You wanted to travel with a bunch of aliens we knew nothing about. Reckless doesn’t begin to describe you. I shouldn’t even have allowed-”
“If I die under Ryder’s command, that doesn’t make it your fault.”
“That will be comfort!” Evfra snapped.
Jaal gave up and took Evfra in his arms. He was rigid at first, but when Jaal did not allow that to deter him, his shoulders slackened, his hand came up onto the back of Jaal’s head. Where what he said could lack the feeling angara expected of each other because Evfra considered himself a leader first and man second, his touch was never dishonest. There was raw desperation in the way he gripped on to Jaal.
“I missed you, darling one, and I understand,” Jaal said, after placing a brief kiss on his lips. “I worry about you, too.”
“I only go into the field when I can afford to be away from here, which is not often. Unless the kett infiltrate this city, I am unlikely to die, and if I let that happen, I deserved death,” Evfra scoffed.
“The weight of the Resistance is on your shoulders alone.”
“I can carry it,” Evfra said gruffly, their heads leaning together. This close, Jaal thought he could feel a slight, almost imperceptible soft fuzz of electricity on his skin. It was one of the pleasant things of angaran relationships, the physical meeting and exchange of energy, and to him, it was poetic, a physical reminder of how being with Evfra replenished his powers.
“I know,” Jaal said, honestly. He’d never doubted Evfra – some of his decisions, but not that he was a capable leader, never that. “And yet it is no easy task.”
With a noncommittal hum, Evfra leaned in for another kiss, his thumb brushing the new scar on Jaal’s cheek, and Jaal wished his light armour had not been in the way so that he could have better felt Evfra’s body pushing against him. He had originally planned to return to the Tempest later for some human game Liam had wanted to play, only for an hour or so, but right now he could not see himself squandering the precious little time that he had with Evfra, even if it was with his friends. Not only had he missed his lover, he could also see that putting his life on the line had torn open an old wound that needed to be treated before he left once more.
“Evfra, I’ve seen dead planets come to live again. I really believe this alien – Ryder has a way to control the Remnant that may help us deal a decisive blow,” he urged quietly, after they had parted. “You know that so far our fight has only stagnated. We can push back now! That is worth my life.”
“Yes,” Evfra admitted. There was no joy in the word. He had caved to Jaal’s argument and he himself was the one who preached that everyone had to be expendable, but clearly the implication was knives in his heart. Jaal took a step back to take his hands. He could feel his heart overflowing with affection.
“Don’t misunderstand. I do not put my life on the line easily. I want to survive. I want our people to live in peace again – and I want everything for us. I want you, and I want us to be a family!”
Evfra’s expression changed, the stern look melting away. He stared at him as if he had gone insane.
“Jaal, losing you would already be...” He interrupted himself. “I had children. If I took in another child and it was stolen, too, I don’t know what I would do.”
In truth, that last part had slipped out withou Jaal’s permission, a product of unbridled enthusiasm. He was not used to hiding his wishes and feelings, but he had known that the topic was an understandably touchy one for Evfra. However, now that the truth was out, he had no choice but to press on. It was better this way, too. Subterfuge only begot unhappiness.
“See, but you only think that way because you – we have all come to expect that the worst is always inevitable. We have so little hope we could live happily, you don’t see it as an option anymore! But now, we have a chance. We could make a world where kett taking our sons and daughters is not something that hangs above our heads every minute, every day.”
Looking down at their hands, Evfra shook his head.
“You have set big goals for yourself. Unrealistic ones.”
Jaal closed the gap between them again.
“And if I can reach them, would you consider it?”
“If you are not around for it, I hardly can. At least don’t deliberately look down the barrel of another madman’s gun without an attempt to defend yourself.”
Jaal laughed with delight. Maybe Evfra was harder to read than most angara, but Jaal knew how to and he had felt the way Evfra’s fingers had tightened around his hands. He had heard the ‘yes’.