Work Text:
She keeps busy so she doesn't have to think about what happened back there on the kett ship. If her hands are occupied, so will her mind be also - but that's a lie, it's always been a lie, no matter how many times Vetra tells it to herself.
Pacing the armory quickly, so fast it takes barely three steps to go the long way before she has to turn around, she tries to focus on Liam and Jaal arguing in the next room over to distract herself. She can't hear their words, only their voices, but they're better than thinking about -
Arynn. Crumpled on the floor, heart stopped, no vital signs at all. “Stimulating cardiovascular response,” comes SAM’s simulated voice over their comms, but Arynn doesn't move.
“SAM!” Vetra hears the word, uncertain of where the anguished voice is coming from before realizing with a jolt that it's her own. Drack doesn't say anything, his eyes drifting between Vetra and Arynn as SAM repeats itself.
And Arynn sits up, spluttering, and Vetra feels so dizzy with relief that she's almost surprised she doesn't fall out of the stasis field.
Flung back into the present, Vetra finds she's stopped pacing, and she bangs her fist loudly on her desk. Liam and Jaal’s voices quiet, but she's already gone, hurrying across the cargo bay. She waits impatiently for the hallway door to slide open, and as it does she hears Lexi’s exasperated sigh and Arynn’s easy laugh, tinny with an odd note of falseness.
“Okay, okay, I'll find a new party trick,” she says, and suddenly she's striding out of the med bay, all barely-five-feet of her standing as tall as possible, the fake smile on her face screaming discomfort as loud as subvocals would. Grabbing her arm gently, Vetra tows her towards the Pathfinder quarters at the end of the hall, waiting impatiently for SAM to unlock the door. Once inside, she lets go of Arynn and settles herself on the couch, debating whether or not to act like everything is normal.
Leaning against the wall next to her desk, Arynn gives that same tinny laugh. “You're not supposed to come in here without my permission.” The words are hollow, said because her most reliable defense system is to talk, and Vetra's heart twists.
“Arynn…” She doesn't call her Ryder when they're alone, not anymore, and especially not now when Ryder has just had to make some terrible decisions that Arynn has to process. But once she begins, she has no idea how to finish what she's started, and it takes a moment before she reaches out a hand and Arynn steps forward, crossing the room as if in a daze. She flops onto the couch as well, and Vetra pulls her closer, tucking her small frame in amongst her own bony chest and elbows as her heart pounds. Arynn pulls her knees into her own chest, and when she rests her head against Vetra there are tears streaking down her face.
They sit like that for quite a while, as Arynn cries quietly and Vetra cards her fingers through her short lavender hair. The Tempest and the crew make familiar, comforting sounds - the drive core hums, the comm system crackles, Lexi and Peebee bicker. Eventually Arynn’s tears dry, and she swipes at her eyes with the arm of her hoodie, rapidly becoming threadbare with all that she fidgets with it.
“We’re just experiments to them,” she says plaintively, with none of the teasing lilt even her most serious words usually have, and more tears appear on her cheeks. Vetra's breath catches as she tries to respond, but Arynn isn't finished yet.
“Don't get dead, kid,” she quips, mimicking Drack’s gruff refrain from every time they step off the ship. She sighs. “We’re experiments - I’m an experiment, what with whatever he stuck in my neck - and I died. I can't even follow the simplest of directions.” Vetra tightens her grip, almost involuntarily, as she tries to stem the memories that threaten to drown her. Arynn looks up, confusion in her eyes, and her mouth drops open as she puts the puzzle together.
“You watched all that. You watched me die.” The statement hangs heavy in the air for what feels like an age before Vetra nods, and she finds it almost too easy to start shouting about all of the ways this could've been different. But she doesn't, and she tries to breathe evenly to compose herself enough to help - both of them falling apart helps no one. Arynn turns to bury her head back in Vetra's chest as best she can.
“I love you,” Vetra whispers, leaning down to kiss the top of Arynn's head and not sure if she's even been heard. She's thought it plenty of times, more and more often recently, but neither of them has ever said it aloud. It's probably not right to say it now, after a near-death experience that was almost more death than near, but she can't help it.
It's a while, but eventually Arynn cries herself into a doze, and Vetra lets herself drift as well, focusing on the very much alive woman in her arms. Sometime later she startles to find Arynn wide awake, with red-rimmed eyes and a question in her face.
“You're not shouting at me,” she says, obviously a statement despite her expression. She tilts her head, waiting for Vetra to answer.
“I only yell at you when you deserve it,” she says, rewarded with a disbelieving look so strong that she nearly bursts into laughter despite herself. She presses a kiss to Arynn's forehead, almost grinning when she pulls away. “Well, I certainly thought about it.”
Arynn does laugh at that, a surprised bark that's lost the tinny falseness from earlier. Leaning back against Vetra's chest, she starts to fiddle again with the hem of her hoodie sleeve, which is approximately two seconds from disintegrating already. “I love you too, you know,” she says, responding to the whisper from earlier.
Vetra's breath catches in her chest again, a hundred times less painfully than before. She tugs gently on Arynn's arm to get her to look up before she nods, humming in agreement. Sliding her own arms under Arynn's back and legs, she scoops the smaller woman up and stands, depositing her on the unmade bed and climbing up beside her and into the nest of pillows they've accumulated before pulling her close again. Arynn is uncertain for a moment, then rolls her eyes.
“I'm fine. You don't have to stay.” She tries to pull away, but only halfheartedly, and Vetra shakes her head.
“No, you're not. And, as we've just established, I love you and I have a tendency to yell when crossed, so it's probably best that I stay.” Arynn seems ready to argue, stubborn to her core, then relents and drops her head onto her pillow.
“No, I'm not. But there isn't anything I can do about it, and you're not okay either. So it doesn't really make sense for you to stay.” She yanks a pillow out from the pile and wraps her arms around it, rolling on her back to stare out the window at the stars floating by.
Vetra huffs quietly, a rush of air between her mandibles, and Arynn rolls back onto her side, holding herself up with an elbow. “Do you want me to go?”
Arynn bites her lip before she answers, and Vetra is struck again by how small she is, dwarfed by the large bed and curled around a pillow. Her answering “no” is muffled, almost lost, and Vetra reaches out to squeeze her hand.
“Then let me stay.” She rearranges so there's a pillow tucked into her arm, and Arynn scoots so she can lie on the pillow rather than bony carapace. SAM dims the lights, and Vetra starts to sing under her breath, an old song Sid used to love.
“Thanks,” mumbles Arynn, finally intentionally letting herself relax a little. Still singing, Vetra squeezes her hand again, warm and soft in her own. They're not okay, and she's not sure how they're going to fix that, but for tonight just being there is enough.