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i.
It starts as a terrible idea, which is not exactly a first for Ryder.
“That’s a terrible idea,” says Vetra.
Ryder shakes her head. “Look, I’ll give you that, but do you have a better idea?”
“Don’t go to the party.”
“That just means that Reyes wins, you know?” Reyes Vidal is hot, he’s single, he’s throwing a huge party for his birthday, and he will almost certainly be hooking up with someone new. “And I’ll be the shut-in loser who hasn’t moved on yet.” She slumps back on her unmade bed.
“Isn’t that true?” Ryder’s friend and roommate’s snark is legend. And unhelpful. Very unhelpful.
“No!” She responds too quickly. They both know it. “But even if it was, I wouldn’t want him to know that.”
“But if you go alone-”
“He’ll convince me to get back together. You know he will. I can’t say no to him.”
“So go with me and Peebs.”
“And watch you two make eyes at each other all night? No thanks.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Peebee makes eyes at everyone.” Vetra shifts uncomfortably as Ryder raises her eyebrows. “Ok, but why not just ask Kosta out?”
Well, isn’t that the question. Liam Kosta is in a few of her courses, the mandatory classes in his engineering degree crossing over with the elective science classes she takes to supplement her archaeology and keep her parents happy. Liam is friendly, attractive, and has a laugh that could charm even Sloane’s icy heart. Probably. Maybe. Ryder hasn’t tested this theory yet.
The problem is, while he’s fiery and quick to attack anyone who says something he disagrees with, he’s also excessively kind to almost everyone – so one second she’ll be glowing from the beautiful smile he shot her after she’s given an intelligent answer in a tutorial, or come out with some obscure fact at bar trivia, and the next he’s giving the same treatment to the incredibly handsome Jaal. It’s perfectly understandable, but… frustrating. So this plan might help her figure out his feelings. And hers. With the added bonus of not messing up their burgeoning friendship if he’s not interested.
“Or,” Vetra adds, rolling her eyes, “why not ask literally anyone else out?”
It’s no secret that Vetra and Liam don’t get along, though at this point Ryder’s convinced it’s just for show. In their very first class together, one of them had said something the other disagreed with, and things spiralled from there. It’s how Ryder met them; she started pointing out that their arguments were usually complementary, and somehow managed to become friends with both of them.
“Come on, fake dating to save me from my ex, Liam will have to say yes! It ticks all his ‘protect and serve’ boxes.” She pointedly ignores Vetra’s second question.
“Like he wouldn’t say yes to you anyway, but whatever. You’re obviously not taking sensible advice, so just do it. What could possibly go wrong?”
ii.
“Ryder!”
She looks up from packing her laptop into her backpack to see that incredible smile aimed right at her and her suddenly thumping heart. “Kosta,” she acknowledges with a fist bump. “How’s things?”
“Better now I’ve seen you.” He winks sidelong and her stomach flutters. Rude.
Outwardly, she rolls her eyes. “Flatterer. That’s why you sat somewhere else for the lecture I suppose!” Feigning – sort of – she holds her hand over her heart dramatically.
To her surprise, he actually looks chagrined. “Got caught up in my last class because some guy was mansplaining why we don’t need support for women in STEM fields. The tutor said nothing, can you believe it? So I had to inform him exactly how wrong he was. Came in late and sat right at the back to avoid disrupting class, but if I’d known you’d miss me-” the cheeky smile’s back.
Ryder punches him playfully on the arm. “In your dreams. Well, the least you can do is come grab a coffee with me. I’ve actually got a favour to ask. Have you got class now?” She knows he doesn’t, but he doesn’t need to know she knows.
“I’m all yours,” he smiles sweetly. She resists the urge to- well, she’s not quite sure. Punch or kiss him, probably.
They proceed out of the lecture hall toward her favourite campus coffee shop, Hyperion. Not that the baristas at all of them don’t know her order by now. Liam looks at her expectantly.
She answers his unasked question, “Are you going to that party tomorrow night?”
He frowns. “Reyes’s birthday, right? I think everyone except Sloane was invited. I wasn’t sure you’d be going though, since-“
“Since we broke up all too publicly a few weeks ago? Yeah, that’s kinda why I figured I had to go, show everyone that I’m as fine as ever.”
“Damn fine-” she does punch his arm again this time.
“So,” she continues, “you know that we broke up but I’m not sure if you know that’s the third time we broke up because I keep getting back together with him when I really shouldn’t.”
“Oh, I know,” he mutters darkly. She’s not sure she was meant to hear the tone in his voice.
“Alright, so, I wanted to know if you would consider... uh... going with me? As friends but also, uh, if Reyes or anyone asked. We’d say we were there... together? As more than friends?” She hesitates, awkward, as he considers.
“So just to be clear – you’re asking me on a fake date?” Liam’s giving her a look she can’t really decipher.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
“I totally understand if you don’t want to- oh. Ok. Great!” She beams at him, and suddenly his grin’s back in place.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be the best fake boyfriend. In fact, coffee’s on me,” he says cheerfully as he opens the cafe door for her, the little bells tinkling and hopefully covering the thudding sound her heart makes at his smile. Again.
“No, seriously, you’re doing me the favour. Hey, Cora,” she greets the barista they approach the counter. “Dad still not paying you enough to quit this job?”
“As his TA and research assistant you’d think so, and yet here I am. Liam, fancy seeing you here with Ryder,” She turns and smirks at Liam, who, oddly, blushes. Ryder knew they were good friends, but he’s not interested in her, is he? “The usual?” Cora enquires, grabbing two cups and starting on their coffees.
“Thanks Cora,” Ryder says as Liam nods, and then startles when Liam puts his arm around her shoulders. “Wha-?”
“Look sharp,” he whispers, jerking his head toward the back of the cafe where a beautiful Angaran woman sits, sipping her coffee and surreptitiously looking towards them. Liam winks and adds, “Figured I might as well start earning my keep as an escort.”
Ryder leans back into him, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and the way it feels so right, despite the mimicry. The woman, Keema, Reyes’s closest friend, returns to the book on the table in front of her with a light frown.
“Good spot,” Ryder compliments Liam, filing away his return smile in her memory banks under things to think about when you’re feeling down. Otherwise it’s mostly dogs, honestly.
Cora returns with their coffees and shoots a calculating look at Liam’s arm still around Ryder’s back. Liam blushes again but doesn’t drop his arm, and while Ryder would like to say she hopes she hasn’t hurt his chances with Cora, that wouldn’t exactly be true. “So, you two-“
Even though the last 15 minutes have confirmed her visible-from-space crush, she’s not the actual worst, so Ryder opens her mouth to tell Cora the truth – or some version of it – but Liam gets in before she can. “It’s new. I’ll talk to you later?”
Cora agrees and after extracting a promise from her not to tell Alec – yet – Ryder pays for the coffees and she and Liam exit the coffee shop, his arm still around her. She could definitely get used to this.
iii.
She’s at Peebee’s, under the guise of borrowing a dress for the party – because no one knows how to put together an ‘I’ve moved on and am doing fabulously’ outfit like Peebee – but also because Peebee will hopefully support her ridiculous plan. Unlike that turian traitor Vetra.
She’s not wrong, but also a bit off the mark: “Why didn’t you ask me, you idiot? I would’ve been so all over you he wouldn’t have stood a chance!”
“Like we wouldn’t have ended up having a threesome…”
Peebee pauses, albeit briefly. “Fair,” she agrees. “I don’t really see the downside though. Three incredibly sexy, single people, having fun? Sounds good to me.”
Ryder raises her eyebrows pointedly.
“Yeah, ok, I see why you didn’t ask me. I mean, and because you clearly have a gigantic crush on someone,” Peebee adds, too smug considering her own flailing romantic plot.
Which Ryder brings up, only partly as a deflection: “You can’t talk, aren’t you and Vetra were having a thing?”
“Can you tell V that? She thinks I just want sex.”
“Don’t you?”
“No! Not just sex. Sex and-“
“Strings?”
“Maybe. Shut up. Anyway, while you’re telling people things, can you tell Alec to ease up on me in class?
“Sure. If you stop calling my dad ‘Alec.’”
“Is ‘Mr Ryder’ really any better though?” Peebee grins cheekily, “Plus I can hardly start calling him that unless you start letting people call you by your first name!”
“Shut it, Pelassaria.”
“Fuck you.”
At least she does get a great outfit out of it.
iv.
Scott is similarly unhelpful when she texts him.
worst brother: gil said you should play strip poker
me: that’s gil’s solution to literally every problem
how is it even relevant in this case
who am i playing with?
worst brother: worked for us
She really doesn’t want to know. It’s unfair that her little brother has his love life so well sorted.
v.
She and Vetra pick Peebee and then Liam up in the Nomad, Ryder’s arguably beautiful rust bucket, making their way to Reyes’s apartment – aka warehouse conversion – on the opposite side of town to campus. She’d asked him once why he lived all the way out here; his response had been a wink and “aesthetic.” True to form, Vetra, in the back with Peebee, and Liam, trying to find a comfortable way to perch on the passenger seat, start arguing good-naturedly the minute they’re in the vehicle together.
“Do you think they even know why they’re arguing at this point?” Peebee queries.
“Nope,” Ryder rolls her eyes in response.
They miraculously find a park in the busy street. As predicted, most of the school is here.
“Not too late to go home,” says Vetra.
“I don’t disagree,” says Liam.
“Someone note down this historic moment. Alright, see you later babe,” Peebee takes Vetra’s hand and drags her out of the car and into the fray with a lascivious wink back at Ryder. God, she hopes Liam didn’t see that.
She gets out of the car and self-consciously pulls down her – Peebee’s – tight, bright red dress, looking up at Liam’s almost inaudible gasp which he quickly covers with a blustering, “Damn, Ryder! Looking good.”
“Back atcha, Kosta.” And he does look good in his current get-up, but she’s pretty sure she’d feel that lurch of wanting in her gut regardless. “Shall we?”
“Lead on,” he gestures, so, feeling bold, she slips her hand into his and they press their way through the crowd on the footpath and into the house.
She notes pizza boxes over in a corner and makes a beeline towards them, waving a greeting in passing to Kallo and Suvi who appear to be mopping the floor with everyone else at beer pong and finding Drack exactly where she’d expect, Lexi in the vicinity as per usual.
“Ryder!” Lexi exclaims. “We weren’t sure you’d make it. You look great. Liam, good to see you.”
“Ryder, Kosta.” A man of fewer words, though Ryder’s sure Drack will be a bit more boisterous once he’s had a few drinks. The last time they’d drunk together they’d been kicked out of the bar for brawling. She had to swear to her dad she wouldn’t go out drinking with him again.
Neither of them looks at all surprised to see the two of them holding hands. She even notices Lexi – one of those psych majors – give Drack a knowing smirk but ignores them in favour of scoring a couple slices of pizza. Unfortunately this means releasing Liam’s hand, which leaves her feeling suddenly like she’s missing her own hand, which is ridiculous. Liam swaps her a piece for a beer he’s procured from somewhere, and once he’s got a free hand again slings an arm around her waist. Warmth spreads from her side where they’re pressed closely against each other, tingling along her skin and making her feel light-headed.
Screw ‘ruining the friendship,’ she should definitely ask him on a real date after this.
“So, Peebee’s gradually winning our favourite spiky character over?” Lexi gestures toward the kitchen, which they can see clearly because wow, this place takes open plan to the extreme. Vetra’s height makes her easy to pick out from the crowd, and Peebee’s clearly flirting outrageously as she makes drinks for the two of them, Vetra looking both embarrassed and pleased. Their height difference would be comical if it weren’t so adorable. Ryder hopes they figure their shit out.
“Two impossible personalities,” Liam says ruefully, shaking his head but his lips quirking into a smile, “it only makes sense.”
“I don’t think any of us can comment on impossible personalities,” Lexi observes.
Ryder sticks her nose in the air and interjects in a posh tone, “Speak for yourself, I only seem impossible because I’m so perfect.”
And wow, she’s pretty sure she doesn’t have a voice kink but Liam chuckles throatily and the noise warms her from the inside out. He bumps his hip against hers and adds, “I really can’t argue with that.”
“You wouldn’t,” growls Drack.
“Moving on-” Ryder shoots Lexi a grateful look, “-plans for the rest of the weekend, anyone? I’m doing some prac at the hospital, so please try to avoid any mental health emergencies.”
“No promises, but I should be too busy with HUSTL to get into much trouble,” Liam offers.
“Hey, I remember you telling me when you joined up – how’s it going?” Ryder questions.
“I love it, feels like we’re really helping people, you know?” His smile might be lighting up the room right now, she’s not really sure. “Plus everyone’s so nice, it’s a great environment. You could come along tomorrow if you want?”
“I’d love to!”
Out of the corner of her eye she sees Lexi and Drack exchange knowing looks again, but she’s too caught up in Liam’s enthusiasm to care. The rest of the party fades into the background as they keep chatting. At some point Lexi and Drack wander off to join the crowd around the ping pong table, where Jaal is now apparently dominating single-handedly and singing some kind of bawdy drinking song. When she sees a few people stand up from a nearby couch, she yells, “Couch opening!” and the two of them run, giggling, to score the spot. They continue talking as he holds one of her hands in both of his, tracing the lines on her palm with his fingers, making her feel both flustered and comforted in turn.
Eventually the first beer catches up to her and she reluctantly withdraws her hand from his, promising to continue the story about Scott and the bear when she returns.
“Please don’t leave me hanging on this one,” he chuckles again, leaving her giggling as she wanders towards the line for the bathroom.
She’s pretty desperate at this point, so seeing the lengthy queue she reverses back towards the stairs, hoping the line upstairs will be shorter. As she passes back near ‘their’ couch she can see Cora’s arrived, and she and Liam are speaking, looking very focussed with heads close together and her hand resting on his arm. A pang of unreasonable jealousy rips through the warmth she’s been feeling since he first put his arm around her, and she remembers that they’re not actually on a date, and that she’d kind of entrapped him into this, and she’s still not sure if he’s into Cora, or Jaal, or her, and… ok, when she gets back from the bathroom she really needs to talk to him seriously.
She continues up the stairs and takes the second left to the bathroom, easily remembering the layout from the couple of months she spent regular time here. She’s shaking slightly, from overstimulation, presumably, since she’s only had three beers, so she finishes up in the bathroom, washes her face to get a bit of feeling back, and walks out of the room and straight into someone.
“Crap, sorry-” she looks up and freezes. Stupid, stupid; she’d totally forgotten the reason she was here in the first place.
And his face lights up when he sees her, and god, there’s a reason she keeps falling for Reyes. He cups her face in his palm, and involuntarily she leans into his touch; she’s missed this closeness, it’s intoxicating. And suddenly, she finds herself pushed up against the wall, their mouths crashing together, finding each other all too easily after weeks apart. But-
“Stop.” She shoves only lightly against his chest, but that’s all it takes for Reyes to back off, he’s never pushed her against her will.
“Shit,” he says, echoing her thoughts, “I really didn’t mean to do that. I just- I just wanted to apologise. Again.”
“That was a terrible apology.” And they’re both laughing, and it’s almost normal again. And then she’s thinking about Liam, who she’s just spent the last few hours laughing with, and all she wants to do is return to him. “Seriously, I’m here with someone. We’re not doing this.”
“Come on – you’re going to have to forgive me at some point,” and they’re back to this again.
But this time, she pulls together her courage, and responds, “I have forgiven you. But I don’t love you, I’m not going to love you again, and that’s all there is to it.”
There’s a sense of finality to her words that there hadn’t been previously, and she knows he hears it too, in the way he grudgingly nods, and offers, “Wow. You actually care about Liam, don’t you? I thought you were just playing him to get to me.”
“Then I guess you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” She’s angry again – this is always what he does to her. “But that’s beside the point. You and me ending has nothing to do with him. This is my choice.”
He inclines his head in acquiescence. “Ok. But you should probably know your date came around the corner while we were kissing and left looking pretty upset.”
Terror runs through her at the thought and she strides towards the stairs. “We can probably be friends one day, but today is not that day, Reyes.”
With that, she leaves and doesn’t look back.
From the stairs, she can just make out the top of Liam’s head as he pushes his way through the crowded room towards the exit. She’s hurrying out the door after him before she can really think too much about it, and calling his name. “Liam!”
He turns around with a start, and as his eyes settle on her she can see he’s confused and clearly hurt. “Early start tomorrow, you know how it is. Nice night to walk home,” his voice cracks towards the end of the sentence and her heart breaks with it.
“I didn’t-”
“It’s fine,” he interrupts her, “I didn’t expect anything. Just friends, right?” He smiles weakly, a poor imitation of how he was looking at her merely 30 minutes prior. “Better go.”
He turns away and she’s moving to follow him, to try to explain, when someone grabs her arm.
“Leave it,” Cora’s voice is stern.
“Cora, I just have to explain-“
“He’ll be fine. But you might’ve fucked this one up, Ryder.”
Tears gather in her eyes and Cora’s soften in response. “Here, where are your keys? I’ll drive you home.”
Her response leaves no room for argument, so Ryder just nods, with the caveat that she just needs to duck back inside and tell Peebee or Vetra that she’s leaving.
She almost runs into the two before she sees them, wrapped in each others’ arms – and mouths – under the stairs. At least something was going right tonight.
vi.
me: sorry :(
great hair: np
vii.
Ryder wakes up feeling like something died in her mouth. She contemplates never getting out of bed ever again, especially because she’s sure Liam’s offer to join him volunteering today has been rescinded, but soon enough her stomach wins out and she groans as she drags herself from under the covers.
And immediately notes the immaculately made bed on the other side of the room. There’s no way Vetra’s already gotten up this morning, which means – good for them, she thinks proudly.
Unfortunately, that means she’s going to have to go and get her own coffee, so she somehow manages to shower and dress in semi-respectable clothing, and proceeds toward Hyperion with all due haste.
Oh, come on. “When do you sleep?” she asks Cora once she gets to the front of the short queue.
“When I’m dead,” Cora provides wryly, but she also provides Ryder with coffee, so she lets it slide.
“Thanks for taking me home last night.”
“You’re welcome.” It’s still a slightly frosty response, but that’s probably fair. “You know Liam’s last boyfriend cheated on him, right?”
Well. It’s not like his response last night needed an explanation – in fact, it was fairly restrained for someone who self-describes as quick to anger – but Cora’s revelation succeeds in making her feel worse, at least.
“But,” Cora adds, and there’s a but, that’s good, that’s promising- “he really does care about you. I’m sure if you explained like you did to me last night,” and Ryder sort of remembers sobbing the full story out as Cora drove her home, “he’d move past it. Don’t tell him I told you this, but he was going to ask you out for real last night.”
“Well, same on my part, actually, I’m just an idiot. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.”
“I mean, it’s pretty obvious you care about him too. So just show him that.”
“Easy peasy,” Ryder grimaces.
“He gets off work at 3,” Cora raises her eyebrows pointedly and shoos Ryder away from the counter so she can continue serving the growing line.
Ok, 3. It’s only like 9 – wait, actually, 11 – now. She can do this. Liam’s a fan of the big, romantic gesture. She’s got this.
viii.
It takes about 3 hours and 54 minutes to call in all her favours, and 6 minutes to call them all off when she realises that she really just wants to talk to him, just them, one on one, without the pressure of an audience or ridiculous spectacle.
So she’s alone when he finally walks along the path back towards his dorm from the HUSTL building. He looks distracted. She thinks about giving it up and slinking back home, but he looks up and sees her, and his eyes light up instinctually before fading to confusion as he sees the bouquet in her hand.
She instantly forgets everything she had planned to say, and thrusts the flowers toward him. “Look, I had a whole thing planned, with clues written on notes, the school band, potentially a plane… but really I just wanted to say ‘sorry.’” Indeed, there’s a very obvious card pinned to the flowers, which spells out ‘SORRY’ in bold handwriting.
He looks bemused. “I’m not convinced you have anything to be sorry about. I thought we were having a moment, but you warned me you weren’t over Reyes yet.”
“But I am. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I really like you, and I’d like to try again, if you’d let me. On a real date this time.”
“Are you telling me that you don’t count the classes we share as dates?” He laughs, and the sound lightens the tension around them, brightens the skies, and she’s pretty sure one of the flowers that was looking a bit wilted perks up again. “Because by my count we’re at date number four hundred and seventy seven…”
She punches him playfully. “There’s no way you actually counted.”
“Actually, I was on my way to your place and I’d been rehearsing a ridiculous speech with an apology and declaration of my intentions, but since you beat me to it…”
“No fair,” she pouts. “What were you going to say? You don’t have anything to apologise for!”
“I mean, I did literally run away from you when I really should have just… talked to you?”
“That was kinda funny, now that I can think about it objectively.”
“You can think about me objectively? I really don’t have that luxury,” he says, the heat smouldering in his eyes leaving her breathless. She steps forward-
And if she’d thought his arm around her waist, or his hands on hers, had done wicked things to her body, when their lips meet it’s so, so much better. Warmth floods her body and short-circuits any control she might have had. Her hand makes its own way up, threading into his hair as she grips his hip with her other hand and pulls him in closer, pressing up against him, wanting more, more, more. He smells like freshly-brewed coffee, like the flowers that are now crushed between them, like home. He’s got one hand pressing into the small of her back and is dragging the nails of his free hand up her arm and she can feel the trails of fire they’re leaving behind.
They hear a cough and break apart, to the giggles of some freshman wandering along the other side of the path.
Liam grins. “So just to be clear – you’re asking me on a real date this time?”
She laughs. “Exactly. No bullshit. Just us.”
“Well, now we’ve got that sorted – how about that four hundred and seventy eighth date right now?”
“Ok, but are we counting trivia nights and movie nights as group dates, because if so I think we’re at something closer to five hundred and-”
And they carry on bickering, fingers interlocked and identical smiles on their faces, as they continue along the path together.