Chapter Text
Yuri stood in front of the kitchen sink, washing dishes as his mother had chastised him enough to stop postponing it.
"I know you're worried about your friend, but you can still be productive," she would say, and Yuri would fume. He hated how she called him a friend. He was more than a friend.
He scrubbed angrily at the dishes as if he could take out all his long built up anger out on it, but it only made matters worse. From the sink window, he could see the lighthouse all the way up on the hill by the ocean. From the sink window, he was constantly reminded of every time they met there, every time they fought, every word or kiss shared between the two. It was imprinted in his memory, and along the walls where they marked their beginning.
Some times he would find himself standing in the middle of the abandoned light house, praying he would see Otabek join him. He would walk up, like the accident didn't happpen. Sometimes, he would pray this was all just a bad dream, that tomorrow he would wake up and Otabek would be standing in the front door, waiting for him with open arms.
Like he hadn't of lost him.
He threw the plate onto the counter beside the sink, and it made a loud thunk. "Be careful with my dishes Yuri!" Came from his mom in the other room. He stared at it, unaware of how angry he had become.
Why wasn't he back yet?
He sighed deeply and set the dish into its correct spot on the dish rack to dry. The doctors didn't even say it was that bad of an accident, but it's been almost two weeks now. Yuri would visit when he could, but his parents insisted he stay away from it all, that it would only cause him more pain. Not to mention the doctor talk, head trauma and multiple wounds, etc, did scare him. He just didn't want to leave his side. He couldn't sit around. Otabek would have visited him every day, he would check on him and bring him gifts, and all Yuri wanted was to do the same.
Shifting his gaze back to the lighthouse, he thought it over in his head. He never really did log the memory of Otabek's accident. Every time he went there he tried his best to ignore all their childhood tales, their memories that molded their relationship. He was too scared it would all disappear on him. He didn't want to have to hold on to that.
Once he finished the last dish, he had his decision. He bolted up the stairs to his room, opened the first drawer, pulled out the white rock they used to write on the concrete wall, and stuffed it into his pocket.
"Did you finish the dishes Yuri?" His mom was sitting on the couch when he came back down, looking at him intently with worry. It was true, she was worried about her son. With him nearing the end of his teenage years and the absence of his friend, there could have been a million things going through his head right now, and it didn't help that he never talked to her about it.
"Yes, Mom, I'm going outside for a bit," he said, and the words tumbled off his tongue like routine, how he used to always say it when going to meet Otabek. His heart jumped at the sentence, and he gripped the rock tighter in his pocket.
Nothing really felt right about this whole thing. It never did, when he went without Otabek. It was almost as if he was accepting he would not be apart of the Lighthouse anymore. If that were true, though, he wouldn't be begging for him to come home. He would be able to sleep at night knowing Otabek is okay. He would be able to be in his arms again, just like-
He wiped his eyes. No. Now was not the time to think about it. As he pushed through the front door, making sure his face was away from his mom's line of sight, he moved out onto the porch, then down the driveway, all of this muscle memory. His feet followed a set pattern, to the street, around the block, and off the main road onto the dirt road that led to the lighthouse on the hill. He could already see the waves crashing against it, leaving foam behind where it was before. Each step to the lighthouse was hard, but he continued to clutch the rock in his hand. He had to do this.
When he reached the door, he stopped and contemplated running away. He contemplated throwing the rock at it and giving up entirely. He contemplated a lot more dark things, but no matter what his mind screamed, his heart yearned to open the doors. Maybe Otabek was waiting. Maybe there was a chance they could have another memory in there, etched on the walls. Something about enjoying Otabek's return.
His heart won him over, so he pried open the old doors. But even then, his first steps into the lighthouse were few and far in between; his heart was pounding in his chest. Nonetheless, he managed to follow the wall to the left until it wrapped around to the end of the dates once written on the wall. Each one he knew by heart.
At the end of the time line, he pulled the rock from his pocket and lifted it up, etching in the date of the accident. Underneath, he wrote his initial. It was missing Otabek's, and that made him falter. They both signed every date as an "official date" ever since they met. And this date...
This one was the worst.
~
"Yuri come look at this," his mother said. "I think this is your friend, here... Oh my god..."
Yuri joined his mother in the living room, who was pointing at the TV screen in horror.
"What friend-"
When he saw the cameras pan over Otabek's face, his lifeless eyes staring helplessly at the sky, he fell to his knees without thought. His heart was racing, and it felt like it would fall out of his chest. What... How in the world is he here? He's supposed to be in college...
"What happened?" His voice had completely gone, it sounded like he was in another world. He wished, so hard, that this wasn't real. There was no way that was Otabek. Otabek was way too careful; he had to be for Otabek's father's acceptance. Motorcycles were so dangerous... But this...
The cameras panned over the wreckage: a motorcycle, presumably Otabek's, was destroyed in the far corner. Next to Otabek, there were doctors and policemen hovering over him, and on the other side of the shot you could see a car with a large dent in the front bumper, probably where his motorcycle hit.
"You don't just get out of these accidents alive," the reporter had said. "If that boy survives it will be one heck of a miracle, Jan," the other reporter said, agreeing with her. Yuri just shook his head, grabbing the carpet, grabbing at something to hold onto. This couldn't be happening.
He screamed, and his mom came behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was shaking. It was as if he life was flashing before his eyes.
"Honey... I-"
"No!" He turned and faced her now, the reporter droning on about this stupid, stupid accident in the background. Her eyes grew wide with the way her son was acting in front of her. He had never cried before; he was always just a ball of pent up energy. Seeing him like this was confusing and terrifying, and she wasn't quite sure why... he was just a friend, wasn't he?
Or was he more?
His eyes had gone wild with anger, tears still spilling out. His breathing quickened and all his energy and anger just spilled out all at once.
"YOU, can NOT say sorry, you can NOT act like you understood what he meant to me. Otabek, was- no, is! my everything. He is the closest person I've ever had! He is not allowed to die!"
Yuri grabbed a pillow off the couch and chunked it across the room in frustration. It hit the window and fell to the ground; Yuri was still unsatisfied.
"Yuri you need to calm down-"
Yuri shook her hand off his shoulder and stood up, backing away from everything. In that moment, it was like everything they've done together was for nothing. The entire relationship they built together was destroyed. What if- What if-
Yuri couldn't breathe.
"Honey, you're going to have another asthma attack if you don't stop this," she reminded him. He just stared at her. Why did Yuri matter right now? Why weren't they rushing to the hospital at the news?
"I don't care." He pushed past her and ran to the front door. If she wouldn't take Yuri to him, he would go himself. He knew the exact street where the accident happened; it was where they used to get coffee all the time. Would that memory be ruined also?
"Yuri do not leave this house!" His mother was so worried that he would do something crazy; there was no telling what he was capable of.
"I'm going to him." He stared back at her with such determination that she knew they would be no way to stop him. She sighed as he turned back out the door and slammed it behind him.
And for a moment... she really did believe they were more than friends.
~
Yuri wasn't sure how long he sat against the wall of the lighthouse, staring into oblivion. Once he came back into reality, he realized he had fallen to the ground, the rock a few paces away. He stood up and went to grab it, and when he did, there was another hand already there.