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How do the water helmets that Sandy gives Spongebob even work?
He puts them on with the opening facing up. How does he do that? Is there another square shaped opening at the bottom? Wouldn’t it still leak? And even if it was fitted perfectly, he’s a sponge. Wouldn’t it all just keep absorbing into him, necessitating constant refills? Also, if it is sealed tight, how would the bottom of him stay wet? Wouldn’t it dry out? Patrick, too. Starfish can live out of water easily. Why does he need one? Also, does his helmet have just a another opening at the bottom? Did Sandy have them already ready, or did she have to make them on the spot once she realized that the two were literally dying without them? How did she--
“Hey… Jinki?” Minho’s voice disturbs Jinki’s one-in-the-morning ponderings. He loses his train of thought quickly, not that it was actually going anywhere important. “You awake?” Minho asks softly. Jinki breathes out a slow breath. He supposes that he is awake, yes, if only barely.
“Mmhmm,” he hums, turning his head just enough on his pillow so he can face his roommate without opening his eyes. He hopes Minho doesn’t want to talk about anything important, like details of their next concert or his hopes and dreams or anything. Quiet rustling comes from Minho’s bed like he’s turning under his covers.
“Can I come sleep with you?”
Oh. That’s simple enough.
“Mmhmm,” Jinki hums again, nodding just a fraction of an inch. He pulls his blankets half off and shifts more to the side of his bed so Minho can take up the middle like he likes. Minho slides out of his bed and creeps across the room. He carefully feels up around Jinki in the dark to figure out where he is, then slips under the covers a little clumsily.
“Thanks,” he sighs, wrapping his arm around Jinki’s waist and squeezing him close.
“Mmhmm,” Jinki replies, patting his elbow a few times. Minho nuzzles him, inhaling deeply and breathing out a contented noise. Jinki lets his hand linger on Minho’s elbow as a small reassurance that he won’t change his mind as he tries to drift back to sleep.
~
Spongebob has three hundred and seventy-four consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.
If Jinki’s math is correct, which it probably is, that’s a little over thirty-one years. And assuming he had to be at least eighteen to get the job, that would put him at forty-nine years old. His driver’s license said he was born in 1986, but that’s obviously wrong. Also, if he got his job in the very first episode in May 1999, and he had all of those by the first movie in November 2004, then that would be thirty-one years condensed down into five and a half years. The show made it look like there was a lot going on in his absorbant little life, but by the time the movie came out, there were only sixty episodes. Adding some time for multiple day episodes, that’s only around three months of wacky, zany, spongy adventures in thirty-one years. Obviously things don’t happen to him nearly as much as Jinki has been led to believe. He feels lied to; lied to and betr--
“Psst.”
The door to their shared bedroom opens slowly, a gentle touch pushing it open just enough for some of the light from the nightlight in the hallway to shine through. Jinki doesn’t open his eyes, but he imagines that it’s soft orange glow is shining through some pink hair. After a moment, their intruder speaks again and confirms Jinki’s suspicions.
“Minho?” Kibum whispers as he slips into their room. Jinki hears soft footsteps towards Minho’s bed and sighs a little. He doesn’t know how long he’d been wasting thinking about Spongebob again. He’s not sure if Minho is still awake or not. Maybe he should say something so Kibum doesn’t get confused or worried or hurt or anything. He doesn’t think that he’s secretly in love with Minho and would be crushed to see the two of them together in bed like this, but better safe than sorry, right? He breathes in slowly so he can tell Kibum to turn around, and then Minho says it for him.
“Over here,” he mumbles, moving his face away from Jinki’s head so he can speak clearly. Or, more clearly than he would if his mouth had been nestled into Jinki’s hair, anyway. He doesn’t think someone can be clear when they’re half asleep like this. Jinki hears Kibum stop searching Minho’s bed and turn around.
“Oh,” he says, and then, “Can I sleep with you two?”
Jinki feels a small smile pulling up the corners of his lips. What a coincidence. Minho squeezes him once, asking for permission; he turns with a yawn into Minho’s shoulder and nods. At that, Minho gives him another squeeze of gratitude.
“Mmhmm,” he hums at Kibum, and Jinki snorts softly. He stole Jinki’s thing. Kibum whispers a quiet ‘thanks,” then slips around to the other side of the bed so he can wiggle into the covers on the other side of Minho. Once he gets all settled under Minho’s arm with a happy sigh, he reaches around him to gently rub his hand over Jinki’s forearm.
“Thanks,” he says again, sliding his hand back to settle around Minho’s waist instead. Jinki just hums and nods a little nod, sliding his arm around Minho above Kibum’s and nuzzling his shoulder.
~
Why the fuck does Gary meow?
“Shh--walk quieter Taemin, holy shit, you’re gonna wake Jinki up.”
“We’re going in there to wake them up.”
“Not Jinki, he needs rest, you know he hasn’t been sleeping lately.”
“You’re the one talking loud as fuck right now.”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you!”
“Oh my fucking god,” Kibum groans. Jinki feels the blankets shift as he curls more into Minho’s chest, an annoyed breath hissing through his teeth. Minho lets out a short breath as well; Jinki can’t be sure, but he thinks that one was just amused. He rolls his shoulder so Minho’s arm is more comfortable around his side, agreeing more with him than Kibum. He’s never heard a louder pair of whisperers before.
“I told you so,” he mumbles over Minho’s shirt at Kibum.
“Shut up,” Kibum snaps at him.
“Whatever, Jonghyun, I’m just gonna go in.”
“No, let me do it, you don’t know how.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means that you don’t understand the concept of opening a door quietly.”
“Don’t be fucking rude.”
“Don’t use memes on me Taemin, I swear to fuck, It’s two in the fucking morning--”
“Shh.” The bedroom door finally creaks open in an exaggeratedly slow manner as Jonghyun huffs. Jinki doesn’t even bother turning around to see the two of them. He knows that Taemin’s probably half hunched over in that way he does when he thinks he’s being sneaky and Jonghyun is probably clinging to his elbow and peeping over his shoulder. They creep over to Minho’s side of the room and rustle his blankets for a moment. “Where--”
“Over here,” Minho calls, sounding much the same as he did when Kibum came in earlier. The two turn around to find them, both of them whispering a soft “oh.”
“Can we sleep with you?” Jonghyun asks.
“Mmhmm,” Jinki hums.
“Sure,” Minho says.
“Fine,” Kibum sighs.
“Score,” Taemin whispers, and then he and Jonghyun are shuffling over to the bed. They both go around to Kibum’s side; Jinki wonders if there’s even enough room over there for the two of them.
“Kibum… Kibum, can you move?” Jonghyun asks.
Nope. There is not enough room. Jinki raises his eyebrows against Minho’s shirt as Kibum audibly slaps Jonghyun’s hand away.
“Why?” he hisses.
“There’s no room on this side for both of us,” Jonghyun says. The bed shakes a little bit; from Kibum’s annoyed groan, Jinki assumes that it’s because Jonghyun is shaking his shoulder.
“One of you go to the other side then,” Kibum snaps. He takes some of Jinki’s blankets away as he wraps them protectively around himself. Jinki doesn’t mind. He was getting kind of stuffy under there.
“Nooo,” Taemin whines.
“I wanna snuggle Minho,” Jonghyun says.
“And I wanna snuggle Jonghyun.” Taemin takes even more of the blankets away as he joins in Jonghyun’s efforts to get Kibum to move. Soon they’re going to be all the way off of Jinki and he’s going to start having a problem with this.
“Make Jinki move, snuggle Minho’s other side,” Kibum says. He’s starting to sound whiny now too. Minho’s shoulders are shaking with what Jinki is pretty sure is suppressed laughter.
“Noooo,” Taemin says again. “I can’t sleep on my left side.”
“Kibum, please?”
“Get off of me Jonghyun--”
“Just move, come on--”
“I’m gonna fucking murder you both--”
Jinki honestly can’t tell if the bed is shaking more now because those three are fighting or because Minho is trying so hard to not laugh out loud. He sighs, shaking his head with a weird mixture of exasperation and fondness.
“This is your fault,” he tells Minho. It’s Minho’s fault that they’re doing this here, in Jinki’s bed, anyway. They could all be having this argument over on Minho’s bed if Minho hadn’t gotten all clingy first. Minho just sniggers more at his accusation and pats his shoulder.
“Yeah,” he mumbles back. Jinki bets he is just loving being fought over like this. He rolls his eyes behind his still closed lids, and then reaches over Minho to take hold of Kibum’s arm gently.
“Kibum,” he says, “Kibum, just, come over here.”
“What?” Kibum hisses, indignant. “Why should I be the one--”
“You know they’re not going to stop,” Jinki says. Taemin is too stubborn and Jonghyun is too determined. And it makes more sense, anyway. Kibum can wiggle in between him and Minho, and then he gets to snuggle Minho, and Jonghyun can also snuggle Minho, and Taemin can hold Jonghyun, and Jinki can get some sleep. Minho won’t be able to hold him anymore, but something in the way he’s still stifling giggles makes Jinki think that he doesn’t really care and will be fine holding just Kibum and Jonghyun instead.
“Oh my god,” Kibum huffs, “fine.” He throws the covers completely off of them all, and then climbs directly over Minho.
“Oof,” Minho says as Jinki wiggles backwards a little bit to give Kibum room to fit between them. On the other side of the bed, Jonghyun cheers quietly and hurries to get on the bed and nuzzle up under Minho’s arm. The bed shifts a second time when Taemin slides on behind Jonghyun. Kibum is still grumbling as he struggles to get comfortable, elbowing Jinki and making him move his legs without even noticing, but eventually, he gets settled. Jinki flaps a hand around for the blankets, grabbing the corner and tugging it back up over his shoulders. Someone else on the bed grabs the rest and flutters them out nicely; the happy sigh once they’ve evened out tells him that it was Jonghyun.
“Perfect,” he smiles.
“Fuck you,” Kibum mumbles.
“Kibum, the kitchen called, it wants its salt back,” Taemin snips.
“Ouch,” Minho grins.
“All of you,” Jinki says loudly, before Kibum can get all huffy again. He throws his arm around his waist just in case. “Shh.” He wants to sleep. Or at least go back to thinking way too much about Spongebob.
No one else speaks after that; Kibum relaxes slowly against Minho’s side, Minho’s quick breaths of laughter die out to regular, slow breaths of sleep, Jonghyun makes a contented little noise, and Taemin kisses Jonghyun’s shoulder seven times exactly, like he does to anyone he’s snuggled with because it’s part of his presleep ritual. Jinki himself lets out a slow sigh of relief. There. This is better.
This is nice.
If snails meow and are the cats of the ocean, how come the angler fish’s tongue had an actual cat decoy on it in the movie?