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“Hey, Earl!”
Cecil ran to catch up to his friend after school. They hadn’t made plans to see each other that day, so Cecil hoped Earl wouldn’t mind the intrusion. He had a message to deliver from Leann, who had sent Cecil instead of going herself, because Cecil was Earl’s best friend.
They were still best friends, weren’t they? Cecil worried that they’d been drifting apart. They’d hardly spent any time together lately. Cecil wasn’t in the Scouts anymore, whereas Earl just kept getting more heavily involved. The last time Cecil had been to a Scouts meeting was to cheer on as Earl was promoted to Weird Scout. And what with Cecil’s increasing commitments at the radio station, the two just hadn’t had that much opportunity for contact.
When Earl turned around and Cecil saw his smile, it was clear that his company was still welcome. Earl slowed his pace until Cecil had reached him, and they started walking leisurely towards Earl’s house. “What’s up, Cecil?” Earl asked.
“Leann wanted me to talk to you.”
“Leann?”
“Yeah. The one who writes all that stuff for the school newspaper?” Cecil said, hoping that Earl would know who he was talking about.
“Yeah, Leann. What does she want?”
“Um, she wanted me to ask if you’d go to the prom with her.”
“Really?”
Cecil wasn’t surprised by Earl’s incredulity. Leann wasn’t close to either of them. Cecil only knew her a little because they were both taking Journalism.
“Yeah.”
They kept walking, not saying anything for a little while.
“Why did she make you do this instead of just asking me herself?”
“I guess she didn’t want to face the possibility of rejection? And she doesn’t have any classes with you, so she explained how it would be much easier for me to find you and ask you than for her to do it…” Cecil trailed off, knowing that however much Leann had insisted it was logical for Cecil to do this for her, really she’d just been taking the coward’s way out.
Earl sighed. “You shouldn’t have let her use you as a messenger.”
“I know,” said Cecil, “But she can be scary! You should see her argue with a teacher over a grade.” Earl didn’t say anything in response to that. After another couple of blocks, Cecil asked, “So what should I tell her?”
Earl shrugged. “I don’t really know Leann.”
“Well, even if she doesn’t know you, I guess she likes you.”
“Maybe she does. But…” Earl paused. “I don’t like her.”
“So the answer is no?”
“The answer is no.”
“Okay. I’ll tell her.” Even though Cecil’s business with Earl was done, they kept walking together. Cecil knew he’d be welcome at the Harlan household if he showed up unexpectedly. He didn’t even need to ask Earl if it was okay. Theirs was that sort of friendship.
Cecil did want to break the silence, though, so he asked, “Is there another girl you were thinking of asking?”
“No,” said Earl, and he looked away for a moment, like he was embarrassed. Not making eye contact, he asked Cecil, “Can you keep a secret?”
“You know I can.” They’d earned their Keeping Secrets badges together, years ago, having withstood multiple varieties of torture without giving away things that they’d told each other. The secrets in question were silly, childish things, existing more to prove a point than anything, but each of them still knew one thing about the other person that had never been told to anyone else.
Earl took a deep breath, looked back to Cecil, and said, “I don’t like girls.”
“Oh,” said Cecil, thinking that over. “Okay.” He’d never thought of Earl as being anything but straight. Of course, he should know better than to make assumptions. Earl might be different than Cecil had pictured him, but that really shouldn’t matter. “Then, is there a boy you’ve got your eye on?”
“Um… yeah.”
“Soooooo… Who’s the lucky fella?”
Earl put a hand to his face, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
“Huh?” Said Cecil. A moment later, he figured out what Earl was getting at, and said, “Oh, you mean,” right as Earl started to speak.
“I like you, Cecil.” Said Earl, awkwardly talking over Cecil. “Sorry, were you going to say something?”
Cecil shook his head. “Uh, no. You can go on.”
“I really like you,” Earl continued. “I mean, you’re my best friend, but I like you more than that. I’d like you to be more. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I don’t want you to feel pressured, or think I don’t care about you as a friend. It’s okay with me, just being friends, really. I just… I think more would be really nice.” He sounded hurried and nervous, but he spoke clearly.
Cecil stared ahead for a while, thinking. He wondered about his friendship with Earl, and how long Earl had had a crush on him. If this had been going on for as long as they’d known each other, that had to have been difficult for him.
As for how Cecil felt… he really couldn’t say. Until that moment the thought of Earl as a romantic prospect had never occurred to him. He considered the possibility of his best friend also being his first boyfriend. The thought was… comforting. He wasn’t sure how he felt about boys in general, but he knew that, at the very least, he liked and trusted Earl. It would be less frightening to start a romantic relationship with Earl than with… someone else, some girl or boy that Cecil wouldn’t know nearly as well as his childhood friend.
He thought about his own plans for the prom, which were primarily to take a tape recorder with him and interview his classmates and try to put together a story about it for the radio. Going with a friend, he thought, might be more fun.
“Earl,” he said, surprised and angry to hear his voice cracking; he liked to think that he’d gotten good at keeping an even voice, “do you want to go to the prom with me?”
Earl came to a stop. It took a second for Cecil to notice, meaning that by the time he stopped too, he had to turn around to face Earl, who was wide-eyed with something akin to terror. That wasn’t a particularly rare look, but as far as Cecil could tell, the sky wasn’t any more yawning and enveloping than usual, and they’d already passed the library a few blocks earlier so it was unlikely that a librarian would show up now.
“Are you asking me?” Earl said, voice shaking.
“Um… yeah,” said Cecil. And then, “Well?”
Earl opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. His eyes kept darting from Cecil’s, to one side of the street, to the other, and back to Cecil’s.
“Oh, wait,” said Cecil, “Did you want me to ask you more formally? I know I can handle this better than Leann did.” He took a step forward, standing directly in front of Earl. They were almost exactly the same height, and Cecil’s kept his eyes locked on Earl’s as he took hold of the other boy’s hand. “Will you go to the prom with me, Earl Harlan?”
Earl nodded, for a moment, and then, finding his voice, said, “Y-yes. I’d like that.”
“Okay, then,” said Cecil. “We can buy our tickets tomorrow.” He let go of Earl’s hand and stepped back to the side so that they could keep walking together. After a brief delay, Earl followed. “Actually, that works out really well for me,” Cecil commented, “Because the tickets are more expensive if you only buy one.”
“Uh-huh,” said Earl, in a tone that told Cecil he hadn’t really been listening.
They were almost at Earl’s front door when something hit Cecil. “Oh my god, what am I gonna tell Leann tomorrow? I mean, I can’t just tell her ‘he said no’ and leave it at that, ‘cause then she’ll see us together and she’ll know I was hiding it from her. But if I tell her we’re going together, it’ll sound like I stole you from her. I basically did steal you from her. Ugh, I’m horrible.”
Earl was in the process of putting his hand on the doorknob, but he altered its trajectory and pressed it to his forehead. “Cecil, you really shouldn’t have to play messenger like this. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. She should hear it from me. Both that I won’t be going with her, and that I will be going with you. It’s the least I could do. Really.”
“Okay…” said Cecil. “Just… be sure to do it before fifth period, okay? Once she sees me in Journalism she’s bound to ask me how it went today.”
“All right,” said Earl. “I’ll try to find her during the morning break.”
From the way Leann glared at him without saying anything once she sat down in the Journalism classroom, Cecil assumed Earl had spoken to her like he’d promised. It made the class period tense, but he was glad he didn’t have to deal with telling her himself.
After school, Cecil found Earl at the table where they were selling prom tickets.
“I didn’t know you two were a couple!” Said the girl who was working the table.
“Are we a couple?” Asked Earl, hesitantly, turning to look at Cecil.
“I guess so,” said Cecil, wanting to give Earl the reply he was hoping for, wanting his friend to be happy. And when he reached over and took Earl’s hand and saw the smile that grew on Earl’s face in response, he was glad he did.
“Awwww!” Said the girl who’d sold them their tickets. Cecil would rather not have had an audience for that moment, but he’d take what he could get.
Cecil still took a tape recorder to prom, but instead of getting an overview of the Night Vale prom experience, which this year involved a lot of hiding from the sea creature that emerged from the punch bowl, he wound up cowering in a closet with Earl and recording his thoughts about his first kiss. Earl was kind enough to provide his thoughts on the subject, as well.
Letting his best friend become his first romantic partner, Cecil thought, had been a sound choice. They settled into an easy relationship, going out to do the sorts of things they might have done together anyway, but they got to refer to their get-togethers as dates and make out during them, which somehow made the entire experience of whatever they were doing seem better.
Cecil learned that Earl had not, in fact, had a crush on him for as long as they’d known each other.
“Just for the last two or three years,” Earl explained. “It was your voice changing that did it. I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but… you have a really sexy voice now, Cecil.”
“Oh, do I?” Replied Cecil in the sultriest way he could muster. He didn’t get to say anything further, because it was difficult to talk while laughing, and even more difficult to talk with Earl kissing him.
They only grew closer, and their relationship stronger, through their high school graduation and into the beginning of Cecil’s college career and Earl’s Scoutmaster training. It all felt good, and natural, and entirely free of problems, until the morning when, just after breakfast, Earl declared, “I love you, Cecil,” and Cecil found himself unable to say the words back.
They were in Cecil’s tiny apartment, where he’d lived since his mother had disappeared, and where, just last night, he and Earl had introduced one another to what it was to be a man. And now they were having a conversation that meant they would probably never have that sort of experience together again.
Earl, like the sweetheart he was, tried to offer Cecil an easy way out. “Did you realize you’re not into guys after all?”
“No,” said Cecil. “I definitely am into guys. You helped me realize that, actually. And thank you. I really am grateful.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “And there’s nothing wrong with you. At all. I mean, you’re attractive enough…”
Earl snorted, and Cecil cringed. Damnation by faint praise, indeed. Still, best to press on.
“...And we do get along really well. I mean, I like you a lot. If you just wanted to come over and spend the night with me again every once in a while, or even more often than that… I’m sure I’d really enjoy it. I just…”
“You just don’t love me,” said Earl, sitting at the dining table and staring despondently at his plate, with its crumbly remnants of bacon.
“I’m sorry.”
“Cecil.” Earl looked up at him. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve given me so much.”
“But I can’t give you what you want from me.”
Earl sighed. “No. But that’s… that’s just how things are. You don’t have to feel bad about it.”
“I just don’t like knowing you’re hurt. Especially when I’m the one who hurt you,” said Cecil.
“Urgh.” Earl groaned incoherently before he formed a proper response. “Of course I’m hurt. But you don’t need to make me feel bad about you feeling bad that I’m hurt. I know you care about me. But I’ll get over this, and so will you. Okay?”
Cecil nodded halfheartedly. “Okay.”
“One day,” said Earl, “You’re going to find someone who is perfect for you.” He stood up and wrapped his arms around Cecil; a goodbye hug. “And when you find him, he had better appreciate you. Because if he doesn’t, I’m going to make him wish he’d never been born.”
Cecil laughed into Earl’s shoulder. He thought that he should say something reassuring like that too, but he wasn’t sure what. So he wound up saying, “You’re way hotter than you think you are, Earl.”
“I’m not hot,” said Earl, pulling away from the hug.
“See what I mean?” Said Cecil.
The two of them smiled weakly, and then Earl got his things together and went home.
They couldn’t go back to being friends, not like they’d been before, not after everything they’d gone through together. But they kept in touch, and there was always fondness between them. They saw each other rarely, but when they did, their interactions were pleasant ones.
However, despite what Earl had said, Cecil suspected that he never had, in fact, gotten over it.