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Regulus hadn't thought it would hit him like that.
But there he was standing, wonderful James Potter, hair messy as ever, glasses askew, as ever, and he hadn't seen him in so long and all the feelings he had been repressing all this time hit him at once, it felt as though they would make him fall, and he was falling, falling for that dimwit again, he couldn't help it. He was with Sirius, who Regulus had not seen in years either, sadly, Lupin, no redhead, no shimmery golden ring, the ring that had once decorated his finger was gone. He had a small boy with him who couldn't just not be his son, that same dishevelled black hair and those glasses.
He and James had played a little during the summer after James's graduation, and while it hadn't been enough to call it something, it had definitely been enough for Reg to know that a) James's affections were not necessarily limited to females, and b) James's affections at least had the potential to be directed at him in particular. Lovely.
Sirius was vividly talking while Regulus was lingering in the shadows hoping not to get caught or seen, and fantasising about being over there, talking to his brother, with James's arm around his shoulders, or his arm around James's shoulders, he couldn't afford to be picky, after all.
"Daddy! I'm so bored!", piped Adrestia, who appeared to have eaten chocolate cake or something the like, which was indicated by the brown crumbs smeared all over her little face. She was resentfully looking up at him and pouting. "Why can't we go home? You're not doing anything, and I can't eat any more cake. I'm full, look." She demonstrated her fullness by rubbing her stomach. Rubbing chocolate on it as well, of course. Reg sighed and bent down to clean her up with a silent movement of his wand.
"Now you're clean again. You know what? Why don't you find yourself someone to dance with?"
"There's nobody my age."
Oh yes, there was. And wasn't this just the most perfect opportunity to get to talk to James? Wasn't it?
"Look, over there. See that black-haired boy with the glasses? I'd ask him to dance if I were you."
Adrestia critically surveyed the boy until she nodded and reluctantly started to move. "But we're leaving when I say so", she commanded.
"Fine, fine", Regulus said, and when the two children started talking, his smile turned into a winning smirk. Step one: done.
°°°°°
Adrestia did dance with James’s son. And that was it. She might have spoken to James and Sirius, just a few words, and Reg was hoping it hadn’t been anything around the lines, “Look, my daddy’s over there, but he’s all alone and has nothing to do.” However, as nobody turned in his general direction, he presumed she couldn’t have done anything the like, which relieved and bothered him at the same time.
And then James and Sirius and Lupin and baby James all left, and Adrestia returned to him with a bright smile. “I’m a dancing teacher, Dad”, she told him happily. “I taught Harry how to dance. He’s not that good, but we’re working on it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to finish teaching him another time?”, Regulus asked cautiously, having only his selfish plan in mind, which made him feel bad, so he affectionately stroked his little one’s silky dark hair and smiled.
She pouted sadly. “I forgot asking him for his address”, she said quietly and hugged herself. “I was such a good teacher, and now all my efforts were in vain and I’ll never see him again.” Her tiny lip started trembling miserably, which made Reg feel extremely sorry for her.
“Come here”, he said soothingly and picked her up. “You’re going to see him again one day, I promise. We’re going to go to as many parties as we can and find him, alright?”
“Uh-huh”, she sniffed.
“Want to go home?”
“Yeah.”
And Regulus could not wait to get home after the failures of that night. He cursed himself for being such an insufferable coward, not even having the guts to talk to his own brother just because he’d been scared of his crush or something. He just wanted to crawl under his pile of blankets and hide for as long as he could without being disrupted by a five-year-old.
However, said five-year-old overcame the mourning of her failed career as a dancing teacher faster than expected as soon as she laid eyes on a strawberry drink a middle-aged witch was drinking. “I want that too”, she cried, and kept wailing until Regulus finally found the stand where those particular drinks were being sold. She emptied the whole glass within a very small amount of time and instantly demanded a new one. Reg, who figured arguing would not exactly help speed things up, resigned and gave in. After the first small sip, however, she wasn’t thirsty any more, because the dancing had made her hungry and she didn’t want to fill herself up with drinks, as she explained. Thus, her father had to finish the disgustingly sweet beverage while she was enjoying biscuits. When she was finally “full” again, she insisted on staying “for just a little bit” to admire the shimmery silver decorations, and as soon as she must have memorised every detail of those, she needed to go to the loo so urgently she was unable to wait until they got home. She insisted she could do it all alone and go to the ladies’ room, where Regulus knew she would have to queue for at least fifteen minutes, but he couldn’t exactly blame her for having inherited his stubborn nature.
Nevertheless, he started becoming increasingly impatient every minute, and he felt sorry for himself, and still, all he wanted was to be home so he'd be able to pity himself in peace. He'd figured out he was bound to die alone, and he just needed to let that awareness sink in properly and -
"Regulus? Regulus Black? Is that you?"
Outch.
"Potter", Reg said, trying to sound as indifferent and not queasy as he possibly could. This was surreal. "Bit late to come here, isn't it?"
"Oh, I've been here earlier today with - Sirius, and Remus, and Harry, my son, you know."
"Oh", Reg nodded with the very professional Black poker face that was said to conceal even the biggest lies. "I haven't seen any of you around. I - you'd think I would've noticed you. Especially with Sirius around. At least in case he's still the same."
"You haven't seen each other in a while, have you?"
"In years."
"Sucks."
"Yeah."
Regulus was awkwardly looking down at the floor, trying not to look at James's idiotic hazel eyes.
"So - here with someone?"
"Not really", Reg said, assuming 'someone' was supposed to be more of a partner than a child. Plus he didn't want to make James think he might have any sort of relationship. "I don't have anyone to go dancing with, you see. Currently", he added, to appear social and not lonely.
"Well, I feel you", James sighed and ruffled his hair, as he always did when he was upset. Regulus had watched him do that for years, and he still didn't find it less adorable than before. "Divorce."
"Oh, I'm sorry." (Reg had never felt less sorry before.)
"Oh no, it's alright. Years ago. I'm - actually very fine. Especially right now."
"What?", Regulus frowned amusedly. "What's that supposed to mean?"
James messed up his hair even more and frowned. "Look, I know we had that whole summer and I know I messed up and I don't know what I did, but I - can't really forget about it and -"
"I'm actually impressed you remember", Regulus said, and it probably sounded more pointy than he had intended. "At least I'm good enough for amazing James Potter to remember me."
"Of course I remember you, idiot", James sighed. "It was you who didn't seem to take anything seriously at all."
"Of course I did! Merlin, I fucking did! Didn't you ever notice - anything?"
"No, never. I thought it was - not much to you, if anything at all."
"It was everything. I spent so many nights hoping you'd see a future-"
"I did. I did all the time, even though I tried not to. Every time there was a fragile little moment I saw a future - it hurt. And I didn't want to indulge in that."
Regulus huffed. "That might be the worst misunderstanding I'll ever be involved in. We could've been so much, you realise that?"
"Could've? So - it's - past? Nothing to do?" James blinked.
In that very moment, Reg gained back a snippet of confidence, and a smooth, nonchalant expression replaced the poker face. "Well, what about an invitation for dinner?"
"Sounds neat." James smiled, and Reg's heart was pounding in his chest as though it was about to burst out of his rib cage, and he felt himself getting all dizzy. "Alright, so -"
"Daaaaaad! I peed reeeally fast!"
Regulus squeezed his eyes shut and brought up his fingers to his face, massaging the bridge of his nose. Crap, crap, crap, crap.
He whirled around with a forced smile. "Well done", he pressed through his gritted teeth.
"Can we go home now?", Adrestia wanted to know.
"In a minute."
"You said we'd go when I wanted to!"
"A minute!"
Biting his lower lip in humiliation, he turned back to James. "My daughter", he said in exasperation.
"Oh, I thought you weren't here with anyone?"
Crap. Crap!
"I said I had no one to dance with", Regulus attempted to suavely manoeuvre himself out of the situation he'd gotten himself into.
"I can dance!", cried Adrestia and crossed her arms.
"This is, uh, James", Regulus distracted her. She surveyed James critically.
"Ooooh, is that the guy you spied on all the time?"
"I spied on nobody!", Reg claimed, and this time, not even the best poker face could keep him from blushing.
James blinked. "Didn't you teach Harry how to dance?", he asked her.
"Yeah. Dad told me to."
"I didn't", Regulus protested.
"Of course you did!"
"I proposed it because you were bored", Reg tried to save the situation, which he had already ruined, and he couldn't help the self-loathing and anger boiling up inside him.
"I thought you hadn't seen me around?", James asked, and Regulus wasn't quite sure whether he sounded amused or whether his dazed mind was just imagining that.
"Well, alright, maybe I did, and maybe I should've told you I had a kid -"
"Why didn't you tell him?", Adrestia howled, her lip trembling again, and as always, Reg had to pick her up.
"I didn't get to it", the latter claimed.
James ruffled his hair again, as he so often did when he didn't know what to do. "Well, I'd say - let's discuss that another time, okay?"
Reg's heart dropped into his stomach. "But - but James - James, look, I know I'm really not good at this and I know I keep messing everything up but I just - want you to know I didn't want to mess this up. Not this. And I'm sorry because I wanted this to be the one thing I didn't mess up but I did and I -"
"No, don't - don't worry, okay?", James cut him off, which thankfully kept him from embarrassing himself even further. "This is just really awkward and confusing and I don't think you messed up because - I messed up first."
Reg shook his head and swallowed, bravely. "So are you-"
"Interested? Very much, still. My life is chaos, but I think we'd somehow make it work."
"So you're trying to fight the chaos in your life by spending some time with the human incarnation of chaos? Reasonable plan."
"Not just some time", James swallowed. "All of it. If you let me."
"Of course. Just note that I'm bad at not messing up."
"Can I owl you?", James asked.
"Sure", Reg blurted, and handed James his card with trembling fingers. "Here. Just - hurry up, okay?"
"I will", James smiled. "You fancy swell. Is that gold on that card?"
Reg nodded. "Yeah. But just - I'm lonely, okay? Adjust your speed of writing an owl to that, will you?" He didn't care any more about how desperate he was sounding; he'd warned James he was basically a mess.
"Why are you lonely, Daddy?", Adrestia asked quietly, blinking miserably. "You've got me, don't you?"
"Of course - of course I do. And that's great. I was just talking about, you know, a different kind of lonely. A grown ups only kind of lonely."
"In this case, I'll floo you", James chuckled, this time ruffling his hair in an attempt to fix it (which, needless to say, didn't work at all).
"Just wait for an hour or so", Reg smirked.