Chapter Text
The water was coming in as though it had the force of a river behind it. Her jeans were already soaked up to her thighs and it was rising steadily up her body. She felt the cold of the water and soon afterwards stopped feeling it because she had gone numb. She was swimming now, not standing, and her fight was slowly leaving her limbs as they shook with exhaustion and she saw that her fingertips were tinted blue.
She had a mantra going through her mind though, Kara and Maggie are coming, which she repeated to herself over and over and tried not to think about how the grate overhead was getting closer and closer. She knew that if she could just keep on fighting just a little bit longer, a little bit harder, that her two favorite people would come and this would all end like a bad dream.
She no longer knew how much time had passed since she had started to tread water. Her face was inches away from the top of the tank now, and now it was pushing up against the metal, which felt like fire to her icy skin.
Kara and Maggie are coming, Kara and Maggie are coming, Kara and Maggie are coming.
Kara and Maggie aren’t coming.
Alex sat up as though a jolt of electricity had gone through her body. She was gasping for air and her lungs weren’t cooperating. She saw black around her vision for a moment until she realized that she was awake. The instant that that happened, her lungs started to work again and she took in three huge breaths trying to calm her body down which still felt like it was in her dream. In the tank.
Alex looked over to Maggie, expecting to see her asleep, but instead saw her sitting up near her pillow, legs pulled up to her chest.
It was silent for a beat before Alex reached out, skating her hand on the bed, until it was next to Maggie. Alex asked with her eyes for permission to touch her and Maggie just nodded slightly, not really ever looking directly at Alex. Alex ghosted her hand over Maggie’s calf before reaching out to touch her knee which was directly in line with her face. Alex let her hand sit for a moment, not wanting to move too fast in case it upset Maggie. She waited just a moment before pulling on Maggie’s knee lightly and straightening out her leg.
Maggie still wouldn’t look at her and Alex saw tear tracks on her face, long since dried, which meant that Maggie had been awake for some time. Alex scooted closer to Maggie before straightening out her other leg.
Alex pulled herself in between Maggie’s legs and faced her, waiting for Maggie to say something.
It was still quiet by the time Alex had finished massaging both of Maggie’s legs, gently kneading them. It was still quiet by the time Alex had finished putting lotion on her legs as well, and it was still silent when Alex moved to lay down in between Maggie’s legs, her head resting on Maggie’s stomach, arms on either side of Maggie’s body.
Maggie had laid down when Alex had begun the massage, trying to relax because she knew that that's what Alex had wanted her to do. Now she had her hands in Alex’s hair, slowly stroking her hair, savoring the feeling of the moment before she opened her mouth. Savoring the feeling of being taken care of before it was overshadowed by the feeling of guilt for having to be taken care of by Alex, the woman that she was supposed to be protecting, the person that she was supposed to be taking care of.
“Al? You awake?” Maggie asked quietly, her voice low so as not to wake Alex in case she had fallen asleep.
Maggie felt Alex stir and shifted around when Alex slowly moved up her body and to the side so that they were now face to face while laying down.
“I wasn’t going to fall asleep on you Mags. Not tonight. Not any night actually when you need me.” Alex said simply and without any regret in her voice.
Maggie stared at her and then furrowed her eyebrows, confusing Alex completely.
“Wait, sorry if that was the wrong thing. Next time I’ll just fall asleep on you.” Alex said, trying to diffuse Maggie’s mood with a joke.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just...Alex you almost died two nights ago.” Maggie said and then stopped because she saw the flash in Alex’s eyes, the flash of panic, the flash at the thought of the tank. She felt Alex’s entire body tense up as well. As if her muscles were remembering how they felt while treading water for all those hours, as if they could still feel the near hypothermia that had almost settled in.
“I..I know that Maggie. But I didn’t die. You and Kara got there in time. You guys got me, and I’m here. Safe and sound and warm.” Alex said with a tight smile.
Maggie went quiet again before saying a small voice, without looking at Alex, “But what if we hadn’t gotten there.”
And then Maggie was crying.
And then Alex was saying, “Oh Maggie” before wrapping her up in her arms.
And then Maggie was yelling.
Yelling at herself.
“No dammit, this is not how this should be going! Alex, you should not be the one comforting me right now. I should be stronger than this. I should be...stronger...I should be…” Maggie trailed off, her sobs taking over her voice. Alex just pulled her in closer and shifted so that they were leaning up against their pillows. She was supporting Maggie’s weight and began to slowly rock her, waiting until the sobs turned to hiccups and the hiccups turned to sniffles.
“Maggie, I want you to listen to me. I...am not fine. But I’ll get there. I know that I almost died. I know that, trust me. And trust me when I say that I know that you are going to be there for me when I need it. But right now, right now baby I am here to help. You don’t need to feel guilty for needing help. You went through shit too when I was gone. And I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to help. But please do not feel guilty for this. Please. Don’t dwell on the what-if factor either. There is no what-if because you and Kara got to me in time to save me. There was never going to be a what-if, that was always going to be a guarantee and I never lost faith in you two. In you. I never stopped believing that I would get to see you again. I never lost faith that I was going to say I love you.”
They were both still.
They were both quiet.
Maggie was the first to break the spell.
“Danvers, how did I get so damn lucky?”
Alex smiled and looked down at Maggie, who had turned her face to look up at Alex.
“I think I’m the lucky one actually Sawyer.” Alex said while she brought her hand up to wipe away the tears on Maggie’s face.
Maggie leaned into her hand and kissed the side of it before sighing and wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist.
“Thank you Alex.”