Chapter Text
"You're an asshole, bean sprout!" Kanda yells so loud, a vein throbs on his forehead. He wants to smash things. Nah... He thinks he prefers to cut this guy off.
"No, you are!" Allen yells louder, pointing his index finger at the other's face. "Stupid Kanda!"
Their arguments always start up all sudden and without a proper reason. They both yell for a while, then move onto a physical fight, usually with their hands around each other's necks. Others are determined try to stop them, but some are scared of getting caught in the middle and being hurt in the process. But again, that was back in the Order.
At the moment there is no one to interfere. Two of them are alone with no sight of Johnny. Allen is no longer a part of the Black Order and they aren't in the base. All those times feel like a long time ago. So far away, as if it was in another life. Kanda isn't sure if he misses it, when things were easier on everyone's behalf. Everyone except for him. Maybe he misses it a bit. But he is more content in now.
Kanda was also free for a while. Free from the Order. Free from orders. Free from his past. But he made his come back only a short time ago and Allen doesn't seem to understand why. Not that Kanda gives a proper explanation. He was never good with words.
"Who are you to call me stupid, you stupid asshole?!" Kanda is this close to draw his Mugen, but he knows he has to do better. He came all this way to speak to the stupid bean sprout, yet all they do is yelling like little kids.
"You are the most stupid! You had your freedom and you threw it away!" Allen brings the obvious issue back and Kanda is almost glad, because he doesn't have the heart for doing that himself.
The dark haired Exorcist takes in a deep breath, but still feels that vein throbbing on his forehead. He doesn't feel calmer. Yet he starts, forcing words out. "I have a reason." He growls like a feral animal. At least they are inside Johnny's room, so no one else can hear him having this conversation.
"And what reason is good enough to give up on such a gift?" Allen sounds offended now. It is true. The gift of freedom came from Allen with a big cost. It doesn't look good from Allen's point of view.
"Can't you see?!" Kanda yells again, his bad temper can't be controlled that easily. "Then you are stupid, bean sprout!"
Allen groans, irritated, then he punches the wall and leaves a crack. "No! I can't see! I don't want to see! I want you to leave me alone!" Allen barks. "Unlike you, I want my own freedom!"
Kanda doesn't believe that. Not even for a second. He may not be the best, when it comes to reading people. But Allen has never been the best liar either.
"Just leave!" Allen adds. "We don't even get along. There's no point of you staying here with me."
Kanda wants to punch Allen in the face, but it takes a lot of willpower to keep his body in control. "Tch. You really can't see." In an instant, Kanda has Allen pushed against the cracked wall, pinning him by the shoulders. He is taller than the white haired one, so he looks down to meet the other's eyes. It's a deadly gaze. Bean sprout looks startled at first, but then his face to an annoyed expression.
"Why do you think I gave up on the best gift?" He snarls at the shorter one's face, fingers digging into Allen's shoulders. He is angry. "Why do you think I gave up on everything to spend the rest of my life like this?!" But of course, the bean sprout doesn't know Kanda doesn't have much ahead.
Allen looks up to him with a confused expression. He still doesn't get it. He can't put the pieces together. He really can't.
How stupid can one get?
That makes Kanda sigh with further annoyance. He hates all kinds of confessions. He hates being emotional. He hates admitting to have actual feelings. He hates it all.
But it's now or never. He has to let it out before it's over.
His hands grab at the collar of Allen's shirt, fisting so hard his knuckles look white. "It's you, stupid bean sprout. It's because of you!" He groans, but Allen looks all the more confused now.
"I hate being in anyone's debt." Kanda goes on, his jaw is clenched. "Especially yours." He groans. "I owe you. Can't you see? I owe you a lot." Kanda is shaking now and it's no longer from that great anger burning inside him. "You gave me the best moments. How am I supposed to pay back?!" He groans again, but now tears are forming in his eyes. The memories of Alma will always be with him, thanks to Allen Walker.
Allen's hand is against his cheek. Then the bean sprout gives him that warm and understanding look, Kanda wants to punch it away. Yet his hands clench at the younger one's collar tighter. His breathing becomes quicker, those damned emotions can burn in hell. Then Kanda sinks down to his knees, dragging Allen along with his tight grip. The white haired one doesn't even protest and sits down to the floor with his back against the wall.
Now the bean sprout sees. The truth is revealed. But all Kanda wants is to vanish from existence, so he doesn't have to see those caring eyes and understanding expression. It is simply humiliating, mortifying for his damned pride.
"I'm sorry." Allen says with that sweet voice of his. "You shouldn't think you owe me. That's the purpose of a gift. There is no debt. No price." It must be the first time they are open to each other about everything, all shields are lowered.
Kanda hates being this vulnerable.
"You aren't one to decide that, you stupid asshole." Kanda refuses Allen's claim. "You have no say in it!" He isn't sure what he expects from Allen. A punch in the face wouldn't be bad. Perhaps, that would make things less hurting. But instead Allen brushes his thumbs across Kanda's face and wipes tears away, then pulls him into a hug.
Kanda feels dumbfounded and quickly pulls back. "Don't hug me, bean sprout!"
"I am being nice to you, you arrogant asshole!" Allen roars back, as they go back to their old antics once more.
"I don't want your pity, dumbass!"
"You stupid shithead-" But Allen is silenced by a sudden kiss. Kanda isn't even sure what made him press his lips against bean sprout's. But he doesn't care at the moment. He doesn't want to argue anymore. Maybe it's how he tries to stop the other from bringing more excuses. He bites at the white haired one's lower lip and then shoves his tongue down Allen's throat. He is being invasive and offensive. Bean sprout just wraps his arms around Kanda to pull him closer. Then the fight over dominance starts, tongues pressing at each other, teeth coming to play.
It's hot and needy.
Kanda kisses Allen like he has been starving for this since forever. Allen returns it eagerly, has a steady hand behind the other's head.
The fierce kiss continues until they are both without a breath. There is no winner after all the struggle game. Then Kanda pulls back, but keeps his hands at Allen's shoulders. His head is lowered, dark bangs falling over his eyes. Allen is panting loud and hugs him tighter. They remain in this position for a long while.
Kanda's pride can be damned to hell.