Work Text:
“I’ve come to pick up my lovely girlfriend!”
Jeon Jungkook, or Cookie as close friends like to call her, looks up from washing the dishes at hearing her lover’s boisterous voice. She finishes the last plate, putting it on the drying rack. All plates and utensils of the restaurant are now clean. She wipes her wet hands before heading out of the kitchen to meet her lover, Kim Taehyung.
“There you are!” Taehyung smiles brightly as he sees her come out the door. “Are you almost done?”
“Yeah,” she murmurs with a nod, keeping her voice small.
A hand suddenly smacks Taehyung’s head in a playful manner. He sputters indignantly with a grin. The hand belongs to Min Yoongi, part-time cashier part-time composer. “Stop making a ruckus. Either order or go sit while you wait for Cookie.”
Taehyung thinks for a moment, looking at Jungkook with a slight tilt of his head. “Want me to buy food so we can have dinner here then go home and sleep?”
Jungkook’s reply is a shrug, smiling in amusement. It makes Taehyung grin wide and turn to Yoongi to order them dinner. Jungkook goes back inside and changes out of her uniform. Another employee walks into the changing room as she’s about to finish. It startles her, eyes wide and hands shaking as she turns her head to look.
“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry Cookie!” The woman quickly turns around to face the closed door. She apologizes profusely with her head bowed down. “I was rushing so I forgot to knock. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s-” Jungkook’s voice hitches. Her nerves are still high but she takes calming breaths. “It’s okay, Heeyeon-unnie. I-I’m almost finished.”
Heeyeon’s arms wave about. “No! No! Please take your time.”
Jungkook can imagine how comical Heeyeon’s face is right now. The image makes her laugh a little as she finishes buttoning her top. “I really am finished though.”
“So can I turn around now and hug you?” Heeyeon asks, tentative but good-natured.
The request kicks her anxiety up a bit. Jungkook’s not quite used to physical contact just yet but she’s determined to overcome it. She’s great at intimacy with Taehyung, truly, and that had taken some time. Baby steps again, she thinks. “Sure, Heeyeon-unnie. But slowly?”
Heeyeon turns around, warm smile in place. “Of course, Cookie.”
As Heeyeon approaches, Jungkook wills herself to breathe deep. She looks down when Heeyeon is close enough to reach out to her, not truly having the trust to close her eyes. It still surprises her when Heeyeon stops close enough to embrace her lightly and still far enough for her not to panic. The hug isn’t suffocating, their bodies not touching. It feels good and makes Jungkook smile.
“You’re so lovely Cookie.” Heeyeon pulls back as she says this. “If you weren’t straight and in a relationship with Taehyung, I’d definitely ask you out.”
Even the seriousness of Heeyeon’s tone and expression makes Jungkook laugh. Her co-worker turned close friend is never shy about liking her. Instead of feeling uncomfortable like how she felt with men’s so-called honesty, Heeyeon’s words make her feel beautiful and strong. She marvels at the power women have.
“He’ll get jealous again if he hears you.” Jungkook picks up her bag, intending to head out and not take up more of Heeyeon’s time. Her posture becomes slouched, shoulders drawing into herself and height shrinking.
“Cookie!” Heeyeon’s tone is that of admonishing a child. “Back straight and chin up! Take pride in who you are.”
Those last words make Jungkook want to retreat despite how frequent Heeyeon says it. She supposes it shows because Heeyeon approaches her again slowly, taking her hand. Heeyeon speaks in a soft and calming voice, “I’ll never know how hard it is for you, Cookie. I know. But I do know how hard it can be to continue with fears of rejection and people’s unwanted opinions. The fear of never belonging in this world.”
Jungkook feels like crying. Heeyeon’s words strike several painful chords and memories. One of Heeyeon’s hands let go of hers and reaches up to wipe her cheek. A few tears must have fallen without her notice. All she can wrap her mind around is how painfully true Heeyeon’s words are. This world could be so suffocating, so judgmental. It’s restrictive, so much that her skin feels taut and her body constrained.
“I’m sorry that the rest of the world is unaccepting. I’m sorry that you’re hurt. But like I always tell you—and I’m sure Taehyung does too—you have us.” Heeyeon smiles before continuing, “I know deep down you’re proud of who you are. You wish to pass. And it’ll be easier if you stand with confidence. Don’t let others get the chance to pick at you. They rarely go against strong and confident women. And that’s who you are.”
The only noise Jungkook can make is a cut off sob as she nods. She wipes her face with the tissue Heeyeon offers and blows her nose with another. Once she’s calmed down, she answers, “I’ll try, unnie.”
“Good,” Heeyeon’s smile brightens. “Tell Suga to give you any ice cream you want. On me.”
“He’ll complain about that nickname if he hears you.” Jungkook laughs, straightening her back. Heeyeon waves the warning away.
“Cookie, he likes it. It’s his alias. He’s got nothing to complain if he just leaves his laptop open for me to see his work.” Heeyeon opens her locker and starts to change. “Which is good. Man, everyone who works here needs a lesson in self-confidence.”
Jungkook is at the door but before opening it, she comments, “I suppose you’ll teach it since you’re brimming in confidence, unnie.”
“That’s a compliment, Cookie. And let me tell you, self-confidence is a relearned concept. We come out of this world full of it but the world happens and you either retain it or you have to regain it.” Heeyeon takes off her clothes and starts putting on her uniform. She pauses to look at Jungkook in the eye. “I had to regain it. Being a woman in Korea can be very difficult and I had to top it off with being bisexual. So I understand.”
“You’re amazing, Heeyeon-unnie.” Jungkook smiles before opening the door and going out. As she closes it, she says, “Thank you.”
From inside, she hears Heeyeon shout “You’re welcome.” She walks to the front of the restaurant and sits down in front of her lover. Taehyung looks up at her, squints, and then asks, “Why were you crying?”
It’s no longer a surprise whenever Taehyung notices these kinds of things. He always tries to be observant and aware of people around him, especially Jungkook. She replies in a quiet voice, “Heeyeon-unnie and I got to talking.”
“Oh.” Taehyung stares at her for a moment. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook can’t help but smile at Taehyung’s concern. It feels good to be so loved. She keeps her voice hushed. “What did you order for us?”
Taehyung takes a few more seconds looking Jungkook over before replying, smile in place again. “Pork and fried rice!”
The mention of such delicious food has Jungkook’s stomach grumbling. She puts a hand over her midsection, rubbing a little. “That sounds so good,” she hums.
“Right?” A grin stretches Taehyung’s cheeks. “We’re gonna grill them good. Oh! Do you want ice cream later?”
This causes Jungkook to remember Heeyeon’s words. Her face brightens and she motions for Taehyung to wait. She’s soon up at the counter with a cheeky grin. “Heeyeon-unnie says I can have any ice cream I want.”
Yoongi shakes his head at hearing this before asking, “Okay. Whatcha want, Cookie? I’ll save it for you.”
“Tiramisu!” Jungkook’s eyes seem to sparkle in delight. “Two please.”
“Just don’t feed each other.” Yoongi grimaces as he finishes writing down the order and adding it to Heeyeon’s tab. His eyes flit from Jungkook to Taehyung and he shakes his head once more.
“You’re such a wet blanket, oppa.” Jungkook laughs quietly, making sure not to be heard by others. She knows he’s squeamish about public displays of affection and she and Taehyung are quite adept at making anything seem like that. “But thanks.”
Yoongi waves her away with a smile. She’s sure he’s fond of her on some level. Otherwise, he wouldn’t always make sure customers aren’t rude to her. Or giving her food when Heeyeon isn’t there to. And to top it off, he’s quite fond of Taehyung too. If letting her lover sing in Yoongi’s tracks is anything to go by.
When she returns to their table, Taehyung looks up at her with a smile. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey, beautiful,” Jungkook greets back as she sits down. “I ordered two tiramisus for us. Heeyeon-unnie is paying.”
Taehyung’s face lights up at the mention of dessert. “Awesome! I’ll thank her later.”
Jungkook nods before asking, “How was your day?”
The question has Taehyung groaning and slumping over the table. He looks up at Jungkook with a pitiful expression. “I’m so tired. After classes, I got called in to record a guide song. Please comfort your exhausted boyfriend.”
“Food and cuddles will pick you up.” Jungkook smiles, carding her hands through his hair. She likes how he closes his eyes and soaks up her affection like a flower to the sun. When Taehyung opens his eyes to look at her, she can see so much in him that tells her he loves her.
“How was your day, love?” Taehyung takes Jungkook’s hand into his own as he straightens up. He strokes the skin that’s becoming dry and rough from all the dishwashing and cleaning. She feels shy about her hands yet he always holds them dear. From a desensitizing exercise, it’s become a comforting and unbreakable habit.
“Same as usual. Yoongi-oppa almost poisoned a customer.” Jungkook sighs but laughs a second later. “He’s so silly.”
Taehyung laughs alongside her. “I think you mean badass. They were probably being rude.”
“Have you seen him on a coffee-high? I’ll record it for you some time.” Jungkook’s smile becomes conspiratorial. Oh the things she can blackmail Yoongi into if she videotapes him. She just needs to be sneaky about it. She steers the conversation to another topic, not wanting to dwell on exactly why Yoongi got angry at a customer. “But anyway, it seems a lot more students are coming by. It’s probably exam period again.”
“I kinda miss university days.” Taehyung comments wistfully, still caressing Jungkook’s hand. He has the sort of expression that’s curious but willing to drop the topic for a later time. “I get enough reminders of middle school from teaching those hormonal kids.”
Jungkook snorts, imagining how terrible Taehyung’s students are. It’s not hard when Taehyung’s quite open about all the troubles his students cause him. “What did they do now?”
“The boys seem like they haven’t matured since they were 7. No, wait. I’ve been in a first grade class. They’re worse.” The memory of today’s botched music lesson makes Taehyung grimace. “The girls were obedient today. I’m so lucky the principal didn’t come in to observe.”
“The principal is quite fond of you, though.” Jungkook smiles.
“That won’t excuse my class getting out of hand. Those boys are out to get me fired. I know it.” The last part is whispered with conviction. Taehyung gets that fire in his eyes when he feels passionate about something. It’s just like all the times Taehyung tells Jungkook that she’s beautiful, that she’s worth everything, that she is everything.
Jungkook leans forward to kiss Taehyung’s cheek. As she pulls back, Yoohyeon arrives with their food. She smiles and helps Yoohyeon put the plates down. Taehyung starts the grill while Yoohyeon walks away giggling. Jungkook is sure Yoohyeon is telling Yoongi all about her kissing Taehyung’s cheek. She sneaks a peek at the two just in time to see Yoongi grimacing. From somewhere else in the restaurant, she hears Heeyeon laugh, most likely having witnessed everything.
“You think Yoongi-hyung will lighten up if he has someone?” Taehyung asks as he puts the meat on the grill. He looks at Yoongi bustling about at the counter then at Jungkook.
Jungkook looks at Taehyung before squeezing his hand. “Tae, he’s not interested in that kind of relationship.”
The idea seems to confuse Taehyung. He watches the pork get slowly cooked in silence, sometimes tilting his head from side to side. Jungkook feeds him some side dishes, letting him chew on the food and on the idea.
When Taehyung flips the meat, he looks up at Jungkook. “So he’s okay with not having someone to spend the rest of his life with?”
“You’ll have to ask him.” Jungkook shrugs. “But I don’t think he’ll be opposed to having a friend live with him until old age. Just not romantically. Do you understand?”
“I think I do.” Taehyung starts to smile again. “Well, I’m glad I have you. I’m so lucky to have you!”
“I’m luckier. Now please stop shouting. Remember, Yoongi-oppa said not to make a ruckus.” Jungkook feeds Taehyung another side dish as soon as he opens his mouth. She knows how adamant he can get about being open of his love for her. “Do you think the meat will be ready soon?”
“Almost.” Taehyung answers while chewing. He looks back at the meat, tongs clicking as his fingers press. When the meat is cooked, Taehyung puts them on a plate and places the rest of the pork on the grill. Jungkook starts to make a wrap and Taehyung follows soon after.
They feed each other wraps and side dishes, often leaving their lips on each other’s fingers for an extra moment, until it turns into a competition. Jungkook laughs when Taehyung’s mouth is so full that he looks like an overstuffed squirrel. They keep score of who eats more wraps and Jungkook is currently winning. She smiles victoriously at Taehyung.
“Can’t beat me, love.” Jungkook eats another wrap.
“Just wait, Cookie.” Taehyung stuffs another wrap and chew vigorously. He coughs when he attempts to swallow it quick and gulps down the water offered by a laughing Jungkook. He pouts, “I’m not conceding yet.”
Jungkook pinches Taehyung’s cheek before making him look at the empty plates, saying “I win.” Her fingers let go of his cheek and caress it. She whispers, “You’ll have to do something for me later, Taehyung-oppa.”
Taehyung’s body stills at the honorific before relaxing again. He grins while stroking Jungkook’s chin, “Anything for my sweet Cookie.”
They’re sporting excited smiles as they move on to eating the fried rice. Yoohyeon drops by at some point to refill their glasses. Heeyeon also drops by just to chat for a bit before heading off to other tables. Jungkook feels the stress of the day continue to fade with the passing time.
“I’ll get our ice cream from Yoongi-oppa.” Jungkook stands up and walks to the counter. The tiramisu ice creams are already waiting for her when she gets there.
Yoongi hurries her up, “Come on, Cookie. I wanna log out too.”
“Okay, okay.” She takes the ice creams from him. Another employee, Jaehyung, arrives behind the counter to take over for Yoongi. Jungkook greets, “Hi, Jae-oppa. How’s the band?”
Jae gives a thumbs up with a smile. “Doing great! We’ve got some gigs going on. You should come watch with Tae when you guys are free.”
“That’ll be awesome! We’ll text you then.” Jungkook smiles before holding up the ice creams as if doing a toast. “Good luck.”
Jae salutes her while Yoongi says his goodbyes and heads off to the changing rooms. Jungkook walks back to the table where everything has been taken away to the kitchens. Taehyung brightens up at the sight of her and ice cream. He exclaims “Yes!” in excitement.
“Do you want to stay here to eat them or eat while walking home?” Jungkook asks as she remains standing up, still holding onto both of the ice creams close to her.
“While walking. The sooner I can lie down, the better.” Taehyung packs up his things then takes his ice cream from Jungkook and stands. Jungkook packs her things up as well.
They say their goodbyes to their friends and head out. Taehyung makes sure to link elbows with Jungkook as they eat their ice cream despite any protest that comes from her. He always replies, “I like being as close to you as possible.”
Their physical intimacy still stirs a little anxiety in Jungkook, mostly in relation to other people’s judgments. Yet, nothing makes her feel more at ease and at home than Taehyung’s warmth. She knows without a hint of doubt that she has found her place in this world—by Taehyung’s side in any capacity. If she moves closer to him in spite of her words, he only smiles brighter.
The apartment complex is near the restaurant but they finish their ice creams well before they reach their door. Once they’re in their tiny apartment, Taehyung takes their empty cups and throws them in the garbage. Jungkook places her bag on their small couch and stretches with a yawn. Taehyung follows suit.
“Shower?” Taehyung suggests as he hugs Jungkook from behind. Jungkook nods, humming her consent. They waddle over to the bathroom where they take off their clothes and go straight to cleaning themselves up.
Taehyung immediately gets into helping Jungkook shower—another desensitizing exercise turned into habit. He always checks in with her though, wanting to stay within her limits of physical contact. These days, she’s getting more comfortable to let his hands linger and massage her body. She’s also getting into the habit of doing the same for him.
“I’ve come a long way,” she mutters as Taehyung massages her waist, thinking back to when she couldn’t shower with him at all and when the thought of his hands near her made her unwell.
Taehyung’s head rests on Jungkook’s shoulder. “We both have.”
Jungkook washes herself between her legs while Taehyung does the same to himself. It’s this part that she still can’t be open to. A part of her feels the remnants of shame from the inability to fully pass as a woman. This part is where Taehyung’s hands have never ventured to touch and it fills her with even more love for him.
When they finish and get into bed, Jungkook embraces Taehyung close to her. “It was a guy who couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself.”
Taehyung doesn’t ask for more details. He pulls her even closer and buries his face against her neck. “Never a shortage of those, are there?”
“Nope,” Jungkook replies with a yawn. “Buy me bingsu tomorrow?”
Taehyung looks up and kisses Jungkook, trying to convey his affection through their lips. When he pulls away, he smiles. His expression makes Jungkook’s heart swell. “Anything for my sweet Cookie.”
My home, Jungkook thinks as she continues to gaze at her lover. She smiles back before closing her eyes to get some sleep. She whispers, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Taehyung whispers back immediately, kissing her lips briefly before going to sleep as well.