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Chapter Text

Katniss POV

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 18 years old. I am from District 12. We are in a rebellion against the Capitol. Because of our acts against President Snow and his government, every District was destroyed in a night of fire and death. My friend Gale got me and my family, along with many others from our district, out to the safety of the woods. Those of us who survived were rescued by District 13. That is where we live now underground and in hiding. The war is going on.
But in the midst of it, somehow today is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Today, I will be getting married…

My mother pins the last braid on the top of my head into its intricate design. She is trying to make me look my best even with the little that we have. I am wearing a borrowed blue dress that I was given on my arrival to District 13 since I had come with nothing. It’s a simple design, but at least it fits well. I look at myself in the mirror. This is as good as it’s going to get.

“You look beautiful,” my sister Prim says to me.

“Thanks, little duck.” I know that I can’t hide my nervousness as I give a last sigh to my reflection. I know that most every bride feels this way on her wedding day, but I supposed this was because most were anxious about the future. Not many had to deal with what I did today…getting married without even knowing who the groom was going to be.

It all began about six months ago when all of the Districts of Panem had finally had enough of the Capitol’s oppression of our land. The leaders of the districts decided to meet secretly and formed a plan to begin a rebellion. They were able to make one successful attack on the city against President Snow. Before the revolution grew out of control, the Capitol decided to end it all by destroying all 12 districts in one fell swoop. It was the worst thing any of us had ever had to witness. Those who had escaped in time watched as the home we had known and people we had loved burned to ashes

I remember that night, standing in the woods with my mother, sister, and a small group of other citizens of District 12. After witnessing the bombing, we were broken, grieving, cold, hungry, and at our end. Then, out of nowhere, salvation came from the air. Hovercrafts that had been dispatched from District 13, which we thought had been destroyed ages ago, landed and took us away. The soldiers who were under orders for the rescue told us we were being taken to what was left of that district which was now underground.

When we arrived, we were given food and living arrangements, which was eventually followed by work assignments. We were all expected to pull our weight in the business of the rebellion. Hovercrafts on mission to the other districts arrived with more refugees. It was sad to see how few there were left when all was said and done.

This was how I had been spending my last few months with my family, and we watched on the TV in our modest quarters as the fighting continued. Everything was kind of coming into a pretty good routine, when last week, a sudden announcement was made that called for the entire population to meet in the district center that evening. My family and I looked at each other having no clue as to what could be happening.

At the appointed time, though, we all gathered around when Alma Coin, the leader of District 13, came out onto the platform and stood in front of a microphone. She put up her hands to silence everyone before speaking.

“People of Panem. I welcome you all to District 13. It had been our pleasure to provide you refuge here after the atrocities done by the hands of the Capitol. I promise you that we are still in the fight for our freedom from their rule. But, at the same time, we have a crisis on our hands. You can see that because of the bombings, our population is in desperate need. We will not survive if something is not done, and soon. A council has been created to discuss the problem and a satisfactory solution has been found.”

I could see everyone looking around at each other trying to make sense of what was going on. People were whispering all throughout the room. Once the murmuring died down, Coin continued. “We hereby decree that a reaping will take place next week, where the names of all eligible males and females from age 18-35 will be placed in a bowl. Each boys name will be matched with a girl’s name, and the two will be immediately wed. They will be given accommodations, and their job from then on will be to produce a child as quickly as possible. Our leadership will oversee their success, and will take action where needed.”

I breathed in a little gasp. They are forcing people into marriage and then making them have a child? This is crazy! I was so stunned at the idea and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But just then I realized something even more important. She said from age eighteen. I am eighteen. My name was going to be placed in the bowl. In the next week, more than likely I was going to be married. The thought stunned me in place. Prim had to jolt me from my spot to tell me the gathering was over and we could go home.

So here I am now, ready and waiting to head to this event that will change my life. I am so angry at being forced into this, but what can I do? Refuse? Say no? I have a feeling that would not go over well. No, I can do nothing but obey at this point.

My mother gives me a sympathetic look, and then takes a glance at the clock. “It’s time to go,” she says quietly. I nod, and then take Prim’s hand as we go to the lowest level of the structure to return to the district center. The feel is different from before. Whereas the previous week, people of all ages were standing around in the middle, this time most people are around the edges of the auditorium. In the middle is a much smaller group of about 200 or so women and men who I see are mostly around my age.

I look back at my family. My mother gives a nod of encouragement, and Prim winks. I wink back at her, trying to show her I can do this, then turn and walk towards the waiting group. I see a couple of familiar faces, the most important being Gale, my friend and hunting partner since the death of our fathers. He is talking passionately with a few other males who I don’t recognize. Knowing Gale, they are probably discussing the rebellion. He sees me and gives a wave. I return the gesture. I have been praying since the news was announced that he and I would be matched. At least I would be comfortable with someone I know. My luck has never been that good, though.

I also find Delly Cartwright, being her usual friendly self by talking with a group of girls I don’t know. No matter how old the dress is, she still manages to make it look fresh and young on her. She catches my eye during the conversation and motions for me to come over. I was never one to have friends, and the only girl who was even close to being that was Madge Undersee, who was lost to me in the bombing. I guess Delly is as good as I will get to having a girlfriend right now.
I walk over to the group with the best smile that I can put on my face. It still probably comes out as a scowl, but I do my best. Delly’s face lights up as I get near.

“Katniss! You look great. Come on over. Meet these girls from some of the other districts.” She begins to rattle off the names of each one that I know I will never remember. As soon as she completes the introductions, a song plays, and the leadership council that I recognize from the various announcements on TV emerges. We all look up to see Effie Trinket, a rebel who had been placed in the Capitol, coming to speak.

“Good morning to all. Today is a very special day as we look to embark on this task to help our people. You all survived for a purpose, and now we look to rebuild, not only our buildings and land, but our population. This is the first step. We know it is unconventional, but we truly hope you will find the joy and happiness in all of this. We thank you for what you will do.”

Joy and happiness in a forced marriage? She is absolutely ridiculous. The woman’s heels begin clicking as she walks over to a glass bowl. “We will begin by picking out a name from the girls bowl. I will then call out the name, and then do the same at the boys bowl. The two names called out will be a match. You are to come up to the stage to present yourselves, then each couple will be led to the areas behind me to be married. There will be several stations that you will go through in the process. From then on, you will go to the compartment assigned to you and continue on with your usual daily schedule. But, know that within one year we expect each couple to attempt to conceive a child.”

I almost want to gag as I hear this. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of marriage and children, and now here I am being told that I have to do both. Every instinct tells me to run away from this. I am so nervous, and my legs just about want to give out. But I somehow remain standing as Effie begins to call out names. At first, I don’t recognize any of them, so I assume they are people from other districts. Eventually, I hear Delly’s name. She gives a little squeak, but then heads up to the stage to meet her match, a tall red haired guy with freckles. I can see her almost trembling up there, but when he smiles at her, she visibly relaxes and gives him that big grin of hers that can melt hearts in seconds.. I can only hope that will be a good sign and know I will not have to worry about her.

The names continue on and on, until about thirty minutes in the Trinket woman yells out. “Katniss Everdeen!” I know she has called my name, but it is like my brain can’t make my legs work. It takes me a good minute, but I finally make connections and start walking towards the stage area. I go slow, but finally manage to get there and walk carefully up the steps in the middle. I am standing beside Effie, looking out at the audience like a lost little puppy. The world looks like a complete blur around me. Nothing is in focus. I am barely able to register when Effie calls out the name from the boys’ bowl.

“Peeta Mellark!” My head immediately turns. Did I just hear right? I know that name. It is the baker’s son from District 12. I know who he is. More importantly, I owe him. He saved my life and that of my family when I was eleven. Now, it seems that he is going to be my husband.

I search out his face in the crowd and find it around where most of the movement is occurring. He begins to slowly walk towards my direction. He looks kind of like me, shell shocked and unsure. He makes his way up to the stage and then takes his place beside me. Once we are together, they quickly usher us away from the podium.

We are led by some official looking soldiers through a door which leads to a small hallway. We walk down it past a few different doors until we are pointed to a particular one on the right. It is opened, and Peeta holds the door and lets me walk in first. Inside, there are two District 13 officials sitting at a table in their usual grey uniforms.

“You can approach,” one of them briefly glance at us from his pile of paperwork and says. We approach the long table and stand in front of it. The same official eventually looks back up at us, smiles, and asks us our names and originating district.

“Katniss Everdeen. District 12,” I answer.

“Peeta Mellark, District 12,” my new partner replies immediately after. The second official is writing down the information on a piece of paper as we speak.

“Well then, let’s get on with it,” the first one states unemotionally. “You can hold hands if you would like.” I begin to think how idiotic it sounds to do that with someone you don’t even know, when Peeta surprises me by softly taking my hand in his and giving it a little squeeze. I think he is trying to reassure me that it is going to be okay somehow. I look into his blue eyes for the first time and see they are looking directly back at me intensely. There is something in them that I can’t quite tell what it is, but it makes me feel warm inside. I decide right then and there that I can do this. With new resolve, I listen to the official ask each of us if we would take the other as husband and wife.

Do we have a choice? I breathe in and out, my will fighting with every step. I take a deep breath. “I do,” I finally answer softly in what is barely more than a whisper.The official looks over at Peeta then. He focuses his eyes directly on mine. “I do.” His voice is calm and strong, if quiet.

Now that it is official, we are handed simple silver rings, which we each place on our left hand. Then the second official asks us to come up to the table to sign the document that he had been writing on.

We approach him. As I get closer, I see that the paper is a marriage license. It has our names on it, the date, and the signatures of the witnessing officials.

“Please sign here,” he says pointing to a couple of lines at the bottom. Peeta takes the pen first and scrawls out his name. He then hands the writing instrument over to me. I take it with a shaking hand, with a feeling that my life path has taken a turn, and I am unsure of the road ahead. I begin to write.

With a couple of flourishes it is done. I am married. I am Katniss Mellark, wife of Peeta Mellark.

Chapter Text

Peeta's POV

If I didn’t think I was in a dream before, I know that I am now. I take in the image before me. A beautiful girl stands leaning over a desk signing her name to a document. But it’s not just any girl. It’s Katniss Everdeen, the secret love of my life. And it’s not just any document, but a marriage license. One which states that Katniss is my wife. My wife. I am married to Katniss Everdeen.

It is just one more in a series of surreal events that have occurred in my life the past few months…

The rebellion beginning wasn’t too bad. At that point my life was going on as usual…work in the bakery and go to school. I was even happy that it was happening, because like most people in the districts, I was tired of seeing people all around me die of starvation and children being killed in a ruthless arena every year. It was time for the Capitol to be taken down.

I had no idea that their punishment on the districts for our actions would be so severe. The night the bombs came, I was the only one not at home. Instead, I had been holding down the fort, and almost done closing up the Mellark Bakery. It had been a good day and I was almost finished reconciling the register, when I began to hear screams in the street. I went out, only to find complete and utter chaos. I ended up following what seemed to be a small crowd looking up in the sky. We could see that there were about ten hovercrafts slowly making their way towards the district square. It was terrifying seeing their large shapes creeping closer with each second. It couldn’t be for any good.

I wasn’t sure quite what to do, when I felt a hand pull on my shirt to get my attention. “Peeta,” a voice called. I turned to see my longtime friend Delly Cartwright. It was obvious that she had been running by each panting breath. She continued to tug on my arm and pulling at my shirt. “Come on. There is a group of us getting out and heading into the woods. Gale Hawthorne is leading. It’s not safe to stay here. We’ve got to go. Come on!” She grabbed my hand then and pulled until I had no choice but to follow in her direction.

After a few minutes, we met up with a crowd of young people mostly my age, along with a few older residents and a sprinkle of children. I recognized most of them. I could see Gale with a backpack on, motioning for us to follow him. We all did and ended up in the forest of trees outside the district.

The walking went on and on for miles and the group only stopped when all of a sudden there was an eerie silence. We all looked back just as the sky above District 12 exploded into flames. We all stood still, completely horrified at the sight. Somehow, it was only then that I remembered my own family. Did they get out? I hadn’t even gone to the house to check on them in all the madness.

I looked around for a few minutes in vain hope that I had only missed seeing them before. Quickly, though, I realized my eyes hadn’t deceived me. More than likely they were gone. I could only stand in shock, not even able to get any tears out.

After catching my breath, I eventually took in the faces around me once more. This time, I was trying to find a completely different face. A face that was the focus of my dreams at night. Over to the side, I finally noticed Katniss Everdeen, sitting with her mother and sister on a large log. They looked pretty ragged, but no real worse for wear, and most importantly, alive. I gave a sign of relief at that.

Within the group of survivors, there was mostly silence for a while, and no one wanted to move. But as we were getting ready to head out again to go deeper into the woods, the sound of hovercrafts once more filled the air. We all were about to run for cover, when an older gentleman in the group, Haymitch Abernathy, called out. “They aren’t from the Capitol!”

And they weren’t. They ships had come from District 13, shocking most of us who had believed that place to have long been destroyed. The soldiers from that place had been dispatched to all of the districts to pick up any and all survivors of the bombing and give us refuge. I got on with the rest and we were quickly flown to the underground area that is now District 13. As the transport landed, I noticed other similar craft. Those of us left soon learned that not only our home, but every one of the twelve districts had been destroyed by Capitol bombs. Hovercrafts from 13 had been ordered to each to try and find survivors. From the amount of people I saw walking around on the ground, the numbers were few compared to what they must have been.

An intercom rang out eventually over the din of various people talking. All refugees were instructed to line up, give their information to the authorities, and be assigned to quarters and work. We were expected to pull our weight in return for their generosity. I joined in and waited until I was at the front of a table with officials writing information down.

“Name?” one of them asked me without even looking up.

“Peeta Mellark.”

“From where did you come from Mr. Mellark?” the woman continued as she wrote.

“District 12.”

“And how old are you?” she went on.

“Eighteen.” I wondered at this point how many questions she was going to ask me. I was exhausted, starving, and grieving. Even with all the patience I had, it wasn’t going to take much to frustrate me at this point. But, the official continued on and on. She inquired at length about my experience at baking and marital status.

Through the inquisition, I also learned that I seemed to be the only one in my family that survived. Eventually I would have to find time to process that.
Finally, I was given a card which assigned me to a single compartment, and would be working in the food dispensary. I was given directions to the singles dormitories and went to find my way through the maze of rooms. When I finally found Room S-117, I placed the card in the door lock and it immediately opened. I didn’t even think, but just went straight to the bed and laid out on it. With all the emotion that had been stored up finally allowed to come out, my exhausted body passed out.

The next thing I knew it was a good 12 hours later. I slowly woke up and sat in my bed for a while, trying to let myself accept at least some part of the fact that my family was gone and that I was alone. I cried for what seemed like hours, until I felt that I absolutely had to eat something. I found my way to the main eating hall and after making a plate I ended up sitting with a very gorgeous and well-tanned couple. He was tall, muscled with bronze hair, while she was pretty in a sweet and quiet way. Finnick and Annie were from District 4 and very much in love, but until now had not been able to find a way to get married. They hoped that here in these new circumstances they would be able to do so.

“I wish you all the best in that. I think that it’s great that you have each other through all this.” I told them honestly. I could tell that they felt sympathy for me being all alone, but what could I do? That night I went back to my lonely compartment, but after that first night I began a habit of sitting with the young lovers at most meals.

Over the weeks ahead, my routine began to come together. After the first day on the job, the management of the dispensary quickly found out about my skills and placed me in the baking area each day making the bread. I actually relished it because the work kept my mind busy from the loneliness and grief. A daily schedule began to appear on my arm each day, and as with all new things, I began to get used to the life I was now leading.

I tried every once in a while to find out where Katniss was, but wherever I went I never saw her. No one would give me any information on her or her family’s whereabouts. I only wanted to know that she was okay, but it seemed that they were adamant about protecting all the citizens by keeping personal information secure.

“She must be in another section of the district,” Annie posed one night trying to help me come up with a solution. “Each section has its own eating area and compartments. She’s fine, Peeta. I’m sure. Please don’t worry.” The petite woman placed her hand gently over my tired and callused ones.

“Yeah,” Finnick put in confidently. “You’ll find her sometime. As determined as you are, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before you see her again.”

I nodded, but the days continued to pass with no more luck. Everything seemed to go by the same each day, until the big announcement about the reaping of young men and women age 18 to 35. With the population desperately low, those in charge decided to match together couples, marry them, and give them the task of conceiving children as soon as possible. It was nothing short of absolutely insane, but it had been decreed, and it was going to happen.

Of course, I didn’t like it, but after thinking it through over the next week I knew I had to make the best of the situation. I would try my best to be kind and loving to the girl I would be matched to, and pray that somehow we would be able to form some kind of connection. Finnick and Annie, of course, immediately wed upon the news, so that their fate would be set before someone could change it. I was the only one in attendance, and was honestly happy for them.

On the day of the reaping, I put on a clean white shirt and dark pants. It was the nicest clothes that I had at the moment. As I headed into the district center, I quickly found my favorite couple. Annie gave me a hug while Finnick gave a heavy pat on my back for good luck. They were with most of the others not involved on the outside of the auditorium, and with a nod at them, I quietly made my way to the middle with the other poor souls.

The ridiculous Effie Trinket came toddling up on her idiotic looking high heels to introduce herself and begin the reaping. Name after name was announced, and I found myself at a point kind of tuning out. It wasn’t until I heard her yell “Katniss Everdeen!” that my ears right away perked up again. I looked all around for movement, and finally saw it to my far right. There she was in a simple blue dress, her braids all done up almost elegantly. She looked absolutely beautiful and took my breath away. I was more than envious of the guy who would be lucky enough to get her. I was so entranced in watching her that I almost didn’t hear Effie call out the next name.

“Peeta Mellark!” Wait a minute! Did she just call me? Have I really been matched with Katniss? I must be dreaming. Stunned for a moment, I finally begin to take tentative steps toward the stage. All eyes are on me as I ascend the stairs. She is there, but just keeps looking ahead, refusing to glance in my direction. I try to will her to look at me, to let her know that it will be okay. I wouldn’t hurt her. But, she just continues to stare out into the crowd. My first nervousness now starts to become determination.

We are ushered back through some hallways and what happens next goes quickly. An official promptly gets our basic information, says some words that we respond to, and has us sign papers saying we are man and wife. At least we are asked to hold hands during it. I take Katniss’ little hand and it feels so tiny in mine. It’s cold, and I know that it’s not because of the temperature. I give a gentle squeeze to try and give her some comfort.

After the quick official ceremony, we are then taken to another room where the two of us are given a card that assigns us new quarters and work zones. In a third room, we are given quick medical exams and the doctor tells the waiting official that both Katniss and I are healthy and should be able to conceive children. What a detached and cold way to treat something so beautiful. Having a baby is more special than that.

Finally, my new wife and I are dismissed to find our new compartment together. We walk the hallways, with me in the lead and Katniss following a short way behind. I read the number M-213 and after a few wrong turns, finally accomplish finding it. Neither one of us has said anything to the other at all during the long walk.

I break the eerie silence as we reach the door. “This is it,” I tell her quietly.

“Let’s go in then,” she replies without much emotion. I place the card key up to the lock and the green light comes on. Turning the knob, it opens and I hold the door for Katniss to go inside first. She does and I follow right after. It is clean and sparse like my first quarters were, but a little more spacious. There is actually a kind of sitting area with a couch and a small kitchen. I see that there is even some basic food stuffs that have been stocked. We continue looking around, finding a lovely marble and tile bathroom and finally the fairly large bedroom.

It is simple like the other rooms, with a couple of dressers, and a queen sized bed. I am about to mention something about how nice the accommodations are, when I take a quick look at Katniss. She is white as a sheet and almost visibly shaking. What could possibly be wrong? Why would she be scared of a bedroom? Then I think of it. We are now married. That would mean she probably thinks that I am expecting a wedding night…a true wedding night.

I give a sigh of understanding and take her hands to face her towards me. “Katniss, it’s okay. I’m not going to force you to do anything now. We don’t have to do that tonight or even for a while if that is what you want.”

“But they want us to make a baby,” she explains. “And I’ve…I’ve never…” her voice trails off, unable to finish. I know what she is trying to tell me, though.

“I understand,” I reassure her. “I’ve never done it either.” Katniss finally looks in my eyes at that admission. “The way I see it, right now, we’re in this together. Let’s just take this step by step. They said they are giving us a year. If we don’t do anything right away I think we will be just fine. We don’t even really know each other. Why don’t we work on that first?”

Katniss looks at me, obviously processing what I said. She must see the sense of it, because she nods. “You’re right. We should try to get to know each other first before anything else.” I visibly relax and smile at her at those words. It gives us a place to begin, at least.

“I saw some ingredients to make some bread and a few cans of soup in the kitchen.” I offer. “Why don’t I make us something to eat? We can talk over dinner if you want.” I turn to walk out of the room and she follows me. I get what I need down from the shelves and begin to work. My wife stands there for a minute or two, but then surprises me by getting up on the counter to watch me. I begin to put some dough together. I continually notice her grey eyes on me as I go about my business. I continually wonder what she is thinking, but finally she lets her thoughts known.

“You really do know your way around a kitchen,” Katniss remarks.

“Years and years in a bakery, what can I say?” I reply with a chuckle. Katniss gives a little laugh with me.

“Is that where you are assigned here?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I tell her. “They heard about my skills and pretty quickly got me set up making loaves for everyone. At least they can use me. Where did they place you?”

“Food gathering,” Katniss replies. “I told them that all I was really good at was hunting, so that put me in the group that collects and hunts different food to bring in. At least it lets me get out. Gale goes with me, too, so I have someone to talk to.” I wince for a moment at Hawthorne’s name being mentioned. I know how close they are and have been secretly jealous of it for years.

Katniss must realize how weird it must seem to talk about your male best friend with your husband, because she doesn’t continue on about him. She does talk animatedly, though, about the different plants, trees, and animals here as compared to back home. I listen with rapt attention.

As I set the simple dinner on the table, we continue the conversation as I regale her with stories from the kitchen. I talk to her of the interesting coworkers there, and also about my friendship with Finnick and Annie. Katniss is intrigued by their story and tells me that she wants to meet them. I will have to remember the next time I see them to make sure that happens.

After we finish eating, we wash the dishes, and then settle in for the evening together. Katniss finds some books on a shelf, and picks one that she takes to a chair and begins to read. I find some paper and pencils, and begin to sketch. It’s another one of my little talents. It is actually fairly peaceful and quiet as we both do our own thing. Both of us seem comfortable, not necessarily needing to talk. I do steal glances at her every couple of minutes, though. I think Katniss catches me, too.

Eventually, she gets up and comes to look over my shoulder. I have drawn her in the chair with the book in her hands. I look up at her to gauge her reaction to it.

“It’s good,” she finally says. “It’s been a long day. I think I am going to go to bed.”

“Fine.” I respond. “Why don’t you wash up and get ready? You can have the bed. The couch here is long and wide enough for me. I’ll be good.”

“Okay,” she says quietly. With that, she walks into the bathroom and closes the door. I hear water running, and after a time she emerges in some night clothes. Obviously someone had our meager belongings brought over here.

Katniss gets into the bed and I take my own turn in the bathroom. I wash up then open some drawers to find my own sleepwear in one of them. After changing, I turn the lights out and walk through the door back into the living room. As I am about to leave the bedroom, I hear her sleepy voice.

“Goodnight Peeta.”

“Goodnight Katniss.” I call back into the dark of the night towards her direction. I lay down on the couch, but even though it is a fine size for me, I find that I cannot sleep. The events of the day keep my mind full.

I simply can’t believe the situation I am in now. Married to Katniss. If she only knew how I had longed for this for so long. Of course, I had imagined it quite differently from the way it happened today. All I know is that the girl I have loved forever is in the other room sleeping, with a ring on her finger as a sign that she is at least in name mine. As for the rest...I can only hope that over time that somehow, someway she could come to care for me. I was going to try and be the best husband possible to her. No matter if we were forced together, I wanted desperately to find a way to make this work.

After so much tossing and turning, I eventually rise up and pace around the rooms. I make a path to the doorway of the bedroom where I just stand in amazement watching Katniss sleep. The gentle rising and falling of her chest, and the soft look on her face in sleep that makes her only more beautiful.

As I am gazing upon her, though, she begins to thrash around. Katniss is calling out. Yelling and screaming. I can tell she is in the throes of some nightmare. I am stunned in place for a moment, but decide quickly that I should take action. I walk over to the bed and lay down, placing my arms around her waist to wrap her body closer to me. She fits against mine like a glove.

“Shhhh, it’s just a dream. Calm down. You’re right here. I’ll keep you safe.” I keep whispering what I hope are calming words into her ear. After about ten minutes, I feel her body loosen, relax, and go back into sleep. I am about to get up and leave the bed when I feel her lightly grab my arm.

“Stay with me,” Katniss asks.

I can do nothing but obey her request. I place my arms back around this beautiful girl, and in moments finally find my own way to sleep.

The morning comes quickly enough, and I am always scheduled to work early. I rise out of the bed, gently letting go of Katniss. I go to find my uniform to put on. Once I am dressed, I walk back over to Katniss and softly touch her face. Her eyes flutter open a little. I know that her duties don’t start until later, so I don’t want to wake her too much.

“I have to go to work now,” I tell her. “I’ll see you later.” I begin to turn and leave when once more Katniss stops me with her voice.

“Peeta?” she calls.

I turn back around. “Yes?”

“Thank you, for being there for me,” my beautiful girl says.

I smile back at her. “You’re welcome.”

I walk out then and head out the door to my new work assignment. As I go over all the events that have transpired since yesterday I only have one thought.

At least it’s a start.

Chapter Text

Katniss POV

           Waking up, my first thought is about the unfamiliarity of my surroundings.  I don’t recognize where I am right off, but it doesn’t take long for my groggy brain to remember.  I moved to a new compartment yesterday…with Peeta.  The memories of our quick marriage ceremony, dinner, and evening together runs through me.  Mostly I think about how Peeta held and comforted me in the midst of a nightmare.  Usually when these take hold, Prim always just wakes me up.  My new husband, on the other hand, held me in his arms and stayed all night with me. He spoke calming words in my ear until I feel back asleep.  I had never felt that much comfort and security in my life since my father died.

            Therefore, as I rise today, I actually find myself feeling…good.  I should be frustrated and angered by my situation, but right now I can only feel a form of contentment.  I get up, braid my hair, and dress for the work day.  As I enter the kitchen, I notice a piece paper lying on the counter.  I pick it up and see a scrawl similar to the one Peeta had signed with yesterday.

Katniss,

If you are free for lunch, I hope you will come eat with me.  I usually sit with Finnick and Annie.  I am sure they would love to meet you if you are able to join us. 

Just let me know.  Have a great day. 

Peeta

            I smile at the pure kindness I am continuing to find in Peeta, simply through one letter. I consider what he is asking    I usually didn’t stop for lunch.  If I did, it was to snatch a quick sandwich that I ate while walking to my next assignment.  But today, I think I will take this opportunity to sit down and eat with my husband and his friends.  After hearing about them, I was excited to finally be introduced.

I walk down to the main eating hall of this section of the District.  I find the door leading to the kitchens and knock.  I wait a minute or so before it is opened, but when it is I see a very familiar face.

“Hello Sae,” I greet the old woman happily.  “Showing all of them who the best cook in District 12 is?”

“Hello there, girl,” the Hob vendor replies.  “You bet I am.  These folk don’t know anything about making a good stew.”  She looks me over for a moment. “What brings you here?”

“Do you know Peeta Mellark?” I ask.

“Of course I do,” she affirms.  “The Baker’s boy.  He’s back there right now working on today’s batches,”

“Well….um…,” I hesitate, “you see, he and I were matched yesterday.  He’s my husband now.”  Greasy Sae raises her eyebrows in obvious interest at this information.  “He left me a note to see if I wanted to join him for lunch today,” I explain.  “I just wanted to tell him that I would do it.  Would you let him know for me?”

“Well, well.  You and the Mellark boy hitched?”  Sae lets out a little whistle.  “Seems like a good match if you ask me.  He’s a keeper.”  The old woman smiles mysteriously.  “I’ll be sure to give him your message.  You get on now.”

I nod and run off then, noticing that I am already late for my job assignment.  I enter the tube that will lead me to the surface.  I take the short ride and then quickly find the food gathering team.  They are already loading up with their equipment.  I begin to rifle through all the supplies and find the good set of bow and arrows that I have been using since I arrived.

I have just placed the quiver over my shoulder when I see Gale.  His hands are filled with snares and traps heading over towards me.  He looks practically giddy today.  It must have been a really good night for him.   I hope so, since he deserved some happiness after losing Madge in the bombings.  I knew he had been close to proposing to her when it happened.

“Hey Catnip,” my best friend calls out.  “You’re late.  You and Mellark have a long night?”  He wiggles his eyebrows mischieviously.

“Ha ha.  Very funny.”  I playfully slap his arm.  “Unlike you, Peeta seems to be a gentleman.  Looks like you got lucky with your match, though.  Who did you end up paired with?”

“Oh, a real doozy of a girl from District 7 named Johanna,” Gale answers.  “Never met anyone like her.  Totally different from Madge.”

“Really?”  I had to admit my curiosity was killing me now.

Gale runs his hand through his dark hair. “Yeah.  With Madge, anything we did that was intimate she wanted to keep pretty discreet.  Johanna on the other hand would shout from the rafters about what we did last night.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  “OK, I don’t need details.  But, she sounds fascinating.  I’ll have to meet her sometime.”

“You will,” he replies.  “Come on.  Let’s head out.”  I follow him into the woods where we go for about a mile and a half.  Gale then begins to set his traps while I keep my eyes out for game.  It’s a good time to actually think about everything that had transpired over the last 24 hours.  It was amazing that after only one night, my best friend seemed completely content with his situation. Happy even.  As for me, I still wasn’t sure at all.  Peeta had been really great so far about everything, but could I do what was expected of me with someone who I still don’t even really know? 

            I sigh.  What I really wished we had was time.  In our situation, though, I know that eventually we were going to have to take that step. Sooner rather than later, more than likely.  It was inevitable.  Until then, I am determined to try my best to at least try and become friends with my husband if nothing else.  If what everyone says is true, and my own experience is confirming this, then I really am lucky in my match.

             We do extremely well on our hunt, bringing down a good number of birds, a handful of squirrels, and even some rabbits that Gale has trapped.  We take it all back and give it to the food gathering officials.  One of the grey uniformed men counts up our load, smiling as he writes it down on a chart, and then tells us that we are dismissed.  I tell Gale goodbye with a hug and a promise to see him later. From there we part. 

“See you tomorrow.” I tell him.

“Yeah, tomorrow.  It will probably be my last one,” he says.

I am shocked.  “What do you mean?”

“I’ve decided that I am going to enlist with the forces as a soldier. I want to train.  I want to join the rebellion.”  I can tell from the look on his face that Gale is completely serious.

“Gale, are you sure?”  I ask.  I hate the idea of him being out there in the line of fire.

“Absolutely,” he states with conviction.  “I hate what the Capitol has done.  Take pretty much everything I have away.  It’s time for this to stop.  I want to be one of the ones who does that.  I can help.” 

I know there is nothing I can say to stop him.  “Just be careful out there, Gale.  If your wife is like I think she is, I’m sure she will have a few choice words for you if you get hurt.”

“Who says she hasn’t already?” he smirks.  “See you later Catnip.” Gale turns away as he is going to eat his midday meal with his new enticing wife, and I have my own appointment to keep.

            I head once more to the large eating hall and look around.  I finally spot Peeta sitting with a handsome couple.  Their eyes lock on me first, and then motion to the blonde head of hair with them in my direction. Peeta turns and I see his face light up as he sees me.  He motions for me to come over and join them.  I point to the kitchen lines to let him know I need to get my meal first and he nods. 

            After obtaining a sandwich and some fruit, I make my way to the table and sit next to Peeta. 

“Hey.” I say to him.

            “Hey yourself,” he replies.  “Have a good morning?”

            “Yeah,’ I answer.  “It was a really good hunt and I got some laughs at hearing about Gale’s newly married life.  His wife sounds like a real firecracker.”

            Peeta begins to laugh.  “Anyone who can keep Gale on his toes must be worth meeting,” he comments.  “Speaking of…Finnick and Annie Odair, I would like you to meet my wife Katniss Everdeen…uh…I mean Mellark.”  His cheeks turn bright red at his mistake.  I touch his hand.

            “It’s okay.” I reassure him.  “It’ll take time for both of us to get used to this.”  I turn to the beautiful couple with their glittering smiles and greet them.  They are so friendly and easy to talk to that the conversation just flows for almost an hour.  Finnick is almost as charming as Peeta, and Annie is sweet and we both have a love for chocolate.  I can see why Peeta befriended them.  They tell their story of how they fell in love but their families didn’t approve.  Now with the freedom to be together, I catch all the tenderness in the intimate touches and looks they give each other that could only have been built over time.

            “So, how did you two actually meet?” Annie eventually inquires.  “Or did you actually know each other back in 12?”

            Peeta clears his throat.  “Sort of.   Katniss and I were in school together.”

            My mind doesn’t even think before I blurt out something long held inside me.  “He saved my life.”  All three pairs of eyes turn to me.  Peeta’s especially are wide in shock at what I just disclosed.

            “My father died when I was eleven.” I explain.  “My mother went into herself and couldn’t really take care of my sister and I.  We were on the brink of starving when I ended up behind the bakery and Peeta threw me some loaves of bread.  He doesn’t know it, but those loaves gave me hope.  Hope that I could start hunting and feeding my family by myself.”

            “It wasn’t much,” my husband remains humble about his actions.  “You really did most of the work yourself.”

            “It was everything.” I say quietly.  Peeta looks up at me and blue meets grey as both of us remember that moment of connection.  “And I never even said ‘thank you.’” 

“You didn’t have to,” Peeta replies.  “But I appreciate it anyway.”  He places his hand on top of mine and his eyes are still intently focused on mine.  There is a kind of silence in the air for a minute, before Finnick gives a little cough. The two of us are taken out of our trance as the couple say they need to get back to their duties.

            “I do, too.” Peeta says and then looks back at me.  “I’ll see you later?”

            “Yes.” I nod as he gets up from the table.  “I’m going to see Mom and Prim first, but then I will head back to our place.”

            “Sounds good.”  He bends down to whisper in my ear.  “I’m glad you came.”

            “Me too.” I answer.  I watch him walk through the doors leading into the kitchens, before I turn and take my own walk to the Family section of District 13 that I originally stayed in.  The maze of hallways seemed endless until I finally make it to the doorways of the F compartments.  I talk with security, showing them my identification and the purpose of my visit.  The officials check my credentials and must be satisfied because they let me pass.  I take the tube up a couple of floors and walk until I reach the door. 

            I knock, and swiftly it flies open with Prim squealing upon the sight of me.  “Katniss!  Oh, it’s so good to see you.”  She almost strangles me when she places her hands around my neck.  “Mom, come here!  It’s Katniss.”

            My mother comes out from her bedroom wiping her hands on a dishtowel.  “Katniss, I’m so glad you came.”  She reaches me and pulls me in for a strong embrace.  “They wouldn’t tell us anything about where you went, and we just wanted to make sure you were alright.  I was hoping you would find your way back.”

            “I did.” I tell them.  “I’m in the M compartments now.” I write down the exact number for them.  “I’m sure you can come see me anytime,”

            We sit down at the table and all get a cup of tea.  “I can’t believe you were matched with Peeta Mellark! Katniss, he is really so nice.”  Prim gushes with excitement.  “I remember he always snuck me a few cookies whenever I was in the bakery.” She takes a sip of her drink.  “So, when am I going to be an aunt?” she asks all of the sudden.

            “Prim!” my mother scolds as I almost spit out the hot liquid in my mouth.  “Really.  They were just married yesterday, and barely even know each other.”  She gives Prim that look of hers when she disapproves.   “These things take time, although in this case they are not really giving that to you, are they?”  Mother turns her focus on me.

            I shake my head.  “No, they aren’t.”  She must read the confused look on my face, because my mother asks Prim to go to her room for a while so that we can talk privately.  My sister sticks out her tongue at us, but goes anyway.  Once she exits, my mother turns back to me.

            “How are you really, sweetheart?” she asks softly.  She places those steady healing hands on top of mine.

            I sigh, letting out all the tension I didn’t know I had inside me.  “Fine,” I say.  “Honestly, it really is good so far. Peeta has been nothing but kind to me.  He hasn’t forced anything.  We’ve just talked.  Try to get to know each other at least a little.”

            “I’m glad, honey,” she answers.  “Peeta is a lot like his father in that way, I think.  Always kind, no matter what.”  He voice sounds a little wistful.   I wonder if there is a story there, but I let it pass.

            I continue on.  “I know we will have to take those steps eventually, but Peeta said he thinks we can wait.  A little while, at least.  For now, we are just trying to become friends.”

            Mother smiles.  “It’s a good place to start.  Your father and I were the best of friends first before we fell in love.”  I know she is attempting to give me some comfort in the situation.

            Eventually, I finish my tea and decide it’s time to go.  We all say our goodbyes and my family tells me that they will try to come by in the next few days.  I hug them both and head back to what is now my home.  When I get there, I decide to begin making some preparations for dinner.  I look in the kitchen to see if there is anything that I can put together for a meal.

              I actually find some vegetables that I can make into a stew, and begin putting things into the pot. Before long, the aroma of cooking food fills the room and I am lost in it and my own conflict thoughts when I hear the door open.

Peeta walks in, fairly disheveled with flour still lingering on his shirt and pants. I stifle a smile at this because it seems so him.

"Hi. Smells good in here," he says in happy greeting.

"I found enough stuff in here to make some stew. It's one of the few things I can actually cook. Want some?" I keep stirring the broth in the pot as I talk.

"Absolutely,” Peeta says enthusiastically. “I'm starving. Let me just go clean up." He walks back out and soon I can vaguely hear the shower water running. Soon enough, though, comes back just as the food is ready and I am spooning a couple of bowls out. We sit down and we chat about each other’s afternoon. I start rambling off about visiting Mom and Prim. I am going on about how they want to visit with us and get to know him better, when I notice that although Peeta is listening, there is a sad look to his eyes.

“Are you okay?”  I ask.  He looks off in another direction, trying to compose himself.  As I wait, somehow I eventually realize what must be going on. I am going on and on about my family, while Peeta is still probably grieving the loss of his own. I suddenly stop myself.

"Oh, Peeta. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone on like that. I should have realized how it would make you feel."  I brush a strand of hair out of his face.

He places his hand up. "No, Katniss, it's okay. I was thinking about them, but I need to do that to work through it all.  I can’t hide from the memories forever."

"It must be hard losing all of them." I say softly.

"It is," he admits sadly. "The hardest part at first was the idea that I had no family anymore. That I was all alone.”  Peeta lets out a breath.  “But, I guess that's changed."

I'm confused by his last statement. "What do you mean?"

He looks directly in my eyes and his voice gets really quiet. "Katniss, you're my family now."

I’m shocked at first as his statement sinks in. But, it quickly becomes apparent that he is right. In his eyes, as his wife, I am his family. It makes me want to reach out and comfort him in some way, so I just take my hand and place it over his. "I guess I am." I tell him and smile. 

Whatever I have done must help, because the blue in Peeta’s eyes light up somehow and his lip begins to curve upward towards that grin I have come to like very much.

We finish our meal and again spend the evening quietly. We find ways to play different word games and tic tac toe, with every one ending in a tie. It gets late and we say our good nights to each other before I go into the bedroom and Peeta heads for the couch. It's hard to sleep when your mind is so full. I can't seem to get a grasp on what I feel about everything, and eventually fall asleep with the questions in my head still not answered.

The days, and then even weeks roll by like this. We work, and then come home to spend time together. The pattern quickly becomes fairly comfortable. Over the time I learn quite a bit about my husband. I find that he doesn't take sugar in his tea, and always double knots his shoelaces. I also come to know that his difficulty sleeping is partly because back home Peeta always slept with the windows open, while here underground it is impossible. He feels stifled and can't get comfortable at night. Still, even as exhausted as he must be, Peeta comes each time to comfort me when my nightmares occur. He never once complains about it either.

I continue to be amazed at Peeta's kindness not only to me, but to others. Once he finds out how much I enjoy cheese buns, I begin to find some left on the kitchen counter for me most mornings. These usually are accompanied by a note. Nothing romantic, but just messages either saying a good morning or invitations to have lunch or tea with him later in the day. I usually join him, and more and more find how enjoyable it is to be in his company. My husband is so easy to get along with, and we come to have the most interesting conversations.  Sometimes we eat with FInnick and Annie and other times it is by ourselves. Either way, things are building between us, albeit slowly.

About three weeks into our marriage, I wake up to look at my arm.  Only to find for the first time that my schedule is left clear to do whatever I want for the day. I am considering the many possibilities when I walk out into the living area.

"I've been given the day free, can you believe that?" I say excitedly to my husband.

"Me too." Peeta looks as surprised as I am. "Weird, huh?"

"Yeah, but that's not going to stop me from taking it." I suddenly get a thought. "Do you want to spend the time together?" I ask him hesitantly.

Peeta is obviously pleased at my offer from the beaming grin on his face. "I'd love to. What would you like to do?"

"Oh, I've got an idea." I say with a knowing smile. "Get dressed, pack a backpack, and we can go." He heeds my command and a while later we are both ready. "Come on!" I take his hand as I lead him through the door.

We take a tube up to the surface. As we emerge from the transport, I can hear Peeta breathe in deeply. I think he is happy to be in the fresh air for once. I point in the direction I want us to head and he follows me. I go to the trail I had uncovered a couple of weeks after we arrived in 13. It's a beautiful day, actually, with the sun high and birds chirping all through the trees. There is even a slight breeze.  We walk through the woods for a mile, and then I turn left.

"Not much further." I tell Peeta. Pretty soon, I hear him make a sound as the place I was looking for comes into view.

It is a clearing in the woods, not too large, but big enough to allow the sunshine to seep in. This is important, because the sun only highlights the amazing amount of dandelions that cover the ground. The effect is dazzling in the light. This is what Peeta sees as we near. I smile knowing that I had made the right choice.

"It's beautiful," he comments.

"I'm glad you like it." I answer. "I thought you might want to draw it for now, maybe paint it later."

He nods, and then I spread the blanket I had brought in my backpack out on the ground. Peeta sits down and brings out the pad and pencils he had stashed in his own bag. I decide to walk around the woods some more to see if I can find some berry es or other food that we could eat. I get lucky as not too far off I happen to find a strawberry patch with just enough berries ripe for picking. I pick some for both of us and head back to the clearing.

I notice as I return that Peeta's brow is furrowed in concentration as his hand steadily draws. I can see already even from a small distance that his work is amazing. It’s a sketch of a clump of dandelions, and in the middle of it all is me, Somehow, I can’t help but think he makes me look beautiful. 

I smile as I join him on the blanket and place the berries down upon it. Peeta sees them, immediately taking one in hand and bites into it. I grab one, as well, and for a moment just enjoy the feeling of freedom sitting there.

“What is your favorite color?” Peeta asks all of the sudden.  It’s the continuation of a kind of game we have been playing these last couple of weeks getting to know each other better.  Between us, we have asked everything from “What is your favorite animal?” to “What would you do if you had a million dollars?”  We haven’t delved into any seriously intimate topics yet, but through it we have learned a lot.

“Green,” I answer.  “What’s yours?”

“Orange,” Peeta says as he continues to look up at the sky.

“That’s an interesting choice.” I remark. “Not many would say that as their answer.”

“Well,” Peeta states.  “Just know that I’m not talking about the shade like Effie Trinket was wearing that day we were matched.”

“Okay,” I say, probing for him to go on.  “What shade do you mean then?”

“A more subdued orange,” he explains.  “Like the sunset.”

I look up at the sky with him.  “I see,” I finally reply.  And I do.  I can visualize the orange he means perfectly.

After the treat, Peeta continues to complete his drawing. I just watch him work and make small comments here and there. Before either of us know it, a couple of hours have actually passed. I wish I could just stay here, and freeze this moment, but reality calls and we have to go back. I give a sigh as Peeta picks up his materials and I grab the blanket.

Once I have it folded, I look at him. "This has been great," he says. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome." I smile as I try to stuff the blanket into my bag. "Is there anything else you want to do before we go back?"

I feel Peeta’s hands take me by the shoulders and turn me towards him.  His blue eyes are glued to mine. "Yes," he states. "I'd like to kiss you."

"Oh," is all I can say at first. I have to admit I wasn't expecting this at the moment, but at the same time knew we had to get here eventually. "Okay," I finally answer.

"Then, you'll allow it?" he asks.

"I'll allow it." I immediately respond. "We are married, you know."

He chuckles at this, and I still really like the smile that is on his face. He takes a step closer to me, and then steadies me, because I am shaking from nervousness. His touch calms me, though, and Peeta takes his fingers to lift my chin up. I feel the brush of his lips upon mine.

A thousand sensations go through my body as we kiss. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced. His lips are gentle, but somehow strong at the same time.  They move against mine in perfect tandem.  Time seems to be going in slow motion, but in reality is probably only a few seconds.  Eventually, Peeta’s lips leave mine.  As they do, one thought wins over all the others.

I liked it.

It's a good beginning. Who knows? Maybe we can somehow make this work after all.

Chapter Text

Peeta’s POV

               All I can say is…WOW.  I’d kissed a few girls before back in District 12, but here and now, that one word is all I can process. It’s Katniss, and that makes all the difference.

I wasn’t sure at all how things would go when I decided it was finally time to make a move in our relationship. After these past few weeks learning about each other and then this fantastic day together, I felt bold enough to take the plunge.  I knew I was taking a risk of ruining everything that had been built up until now, but I just had to know how kissing Katniss would feel.

And the result was amazing.  Every feeling was magnified and time seemed to slow to a standstill as I leaned in and brought us together in that clearing.  Her lips were soft and full on mine, tasting like the berries we had just partaken of.  The even better news was that I knew she was kissing me back.  There was actually something on the other side of it.  The thought made me practically giddy.

               Once we parted, we both smiles at each other and I placed my forehead on hers.  “Thank you.  That was amazing.”

               “Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” she answers, her grin crooked.  “We better go.  Before it gets late.”  The two of us pick up our stuff and traverse the path we took here in reverse.  Along the way, somehow our hands become entwined together.  I glance at Katniss to check and see that she is okay with this intimacy.  I, for one, love the feeling of it.  Her hands are much smaller, and a little calloused from hunting.  No matter though.  They fit perfect in mine.

               We get back to the underground of District 13 and find the way back to our rooms.  Once there, we both take desperately needed showers then try to pass the time by watching TV.  These last days, we have taken to watching the news together.  It’s not pretty, with skirmishes between the Capitol’s forces and our own occurring all throughout Panem.  There are many casualties on both sides and the video footage we see is brutal.  I’m beginning to wonder if all the fighting is worth it.  When I look at Katniss, though, I know that it is.  If there is going to be any kind of life for us, the Capitol has to be defeated.

               “I’m so worried for Gale being out there in all of that. I wish I could stop him from going,” she remarks during one of the broadcasts.  He is leaving tomorrow night and she has every right to be afraid for him.

               “If his wife hasn’t been able to stop him, then I don’t think you or anybody can,” I reply.  We have yet to meet the infamous Johanna, as she pretty much keeps Gale mostly to herself in the privacy of their quarters.  He has told us quite a few interesting stories, though, and we can’t wait to see the lady in person tomorrow when we all say goodbye to him.

               Eventually, we have had enough of the depressing footage that we turn the set off and begin to try and make a simple meal for dinner.  As both of us prepare the food, there is a definite tension in the air.  As I try to sneak sideways glances at my wife, I notice that she is also watching me.  Is it me or am I really dreaming up all of this?  Could Katniss be attracted to me?  I hope that I am reading all of her body language and attitude correctly.  If so, then I think she might actually have some kind of feelings for me.  God that would be wonderful.

               We eat together chatting over some of the details of our week and afterwards I try to teach my wife how to play poker.  As it grows late, I desperately want to take her hand again in mine, and rub small circles with my thumb over it.  Just to show her that bit of affection.  But the moment passes, and Katniss just gets up and begins to head to the bedroom door.  I follow her as is my habit to say goodnight at the doorway before heading to the couch. 

               Surprisingly, though, she suddenly turns around, raises herself up to place her hands on my shoulders, and puts her lips on mine.  I am surprised to say the least, but instinctively, my hands go to her waist. I take in the taste of her, trying to deepen the kiss a little from this afternoon.  It is intoxicating, but eventually does end with her pulling away.  I look at her to see a very pleased kind of smile on Katniss’ face as well as what could only be described as swollen lips.

               “Good night,” she says in a whisper.

               “Good night.”  I answer, knowing that my dreams will be the sweetest they have been in a while.

               The next day passes quickly, and after the morning work shift I take my apron off to go to the commons to eat.  Everyone is there, as we all are gathering to say goodbye to Hawthorne before he goes to his training.  Katniss is already with Gale and waves me over.  I also spot Finnick and Annie in an animated discussion with someone I don’t recognize.  Tall and lean, with short spiky dark hair with purple streaks, this must be the notorious Johanna.  As I approach the group, my wife comes to me.

               “You’re here.  Come on!”  She takes me over to the new face in the group.  “Jo, this is Peeta Mellark, my husband.”

               “Nice to meet you.” I enthusiastically greet her while shaking her hand.

               “You too,” the woman brashly states. “Johanna Mason, District 7.  And yes, that’s Mason, not Hawthorne.  No matter what that hunky husband of mine says.”  She points her thumb in Gale’s direction.  Oh boy, oh boy.  Does he have a pistol on his hands.

               “Oh, come on Jo!” Gale shouts in frustration.  This is obviously a topic they had debated before.  “Every woman changes her name when they get married.”

               “Not this one.”  She stares daggers at the dark tall figure.  “Dream on, oh lover of mine.”  She gives him a seductive smile and walks closer to her husband.  You can feel the fire burning from both of them. 

               Gale raises his arms as if giving up, and then he brashly takes Johanna by the waist and kisses her long and deep.   The rest of us glance at each other, having no idea what to think as we stand there watching them.  I look over at Katniss who raises her eyebrows to let me know she has about as much of clue as I do as to what is going on. The couple continues on as if they have lost track that anyone else is there.

               They finally break apart and we all sit down to lunch together.  It’s fairly light considering the sidtuation, and Johanna proves to be lively with stories from her life in the forestry district.  She can name all the trees here, which of course Katniss finds extremely helpful and fascinating.  All too soon, the meal is over, and Gale has to catch the transport to where they are taking new recruits as soldiers for the rebels.

               He picks up his backpack and looks at all of us.  Finnick shakes his hand, and Annie gives him a small kiss on the cheek.  Hawthorne turns to Katniss then who wraps her arms around him.

“Please take care, Gale.” she says, and after what seems forever, finally lets him go.  I can see the tears in the corners of her grey eyes. I am almost jealous of this interaction, until he turns to me to shake my hand.

               As the dark hunter does, he leans in close.  “I know you love her.  Take care of her for me.” he whispers in my ear so that no one can hear.

               “I do and I will.” I respond quietly.  I wonder how he could see that so easily.  Katniss heard what I said, but only gives us a confused look at what I could possibly mean by my statement.  She decides not to pry about it. 

What happens next, though, is the most surprising, as Gale once more turns to his wife and captures her in a passionate kiss.  Once more, it’s as if they were the two people in the world.

               “Don’t you dare get yourself hurt, Hawthorne,” Johanna tells him as they part, “and you better write to me.  If you even think about not sending letters, I will come myself and cut you down with my axe.”  She then kisses him again and whispers something in his ear that I can’t hear. I wonder what she is saying to him, but it is something that none of us will probably ever know. It must be pretty intimate, though, as Gale turns a little bit red the more his wife goes on.  I am amazed that such closeness can be achieved between two people in what has been less than a month.  Katniss and I seem like snails compared to this, but I don’t think Gale and Johanna are necessarily the norm.

               The two finally let go of each other.  “Goodbye, Jo.” I hear Gale whisper.  He then places his backpack on and turns to walk away.  We all watch in silence as he enters the tube to take him to his transport.  It is only when he is completely out of view that I barely catch what seem to be small tears in Johanna’s eyes which she wipes away quickly before any of us could see.

               The days continue to go on. Although there are no major changes, there are the smaller ones that I take note of.  Kissing between Katniss and I has become pretty routine now.  Nothing too out of hand, but each one seems to build on the last, even to the point that we start making out on the couch a little.  Also, there are little intimacies building between us. Mostly in the way we touch.  We hold hands all of the time now, but I also can wrap my arms around her to give my wife a hug.  I begin to start placing my hand on her hip or thigh when we sit together, and I admit that each touch is like a lightning bolt.  My body is feeling and reacting to the effects of our building relationship.  I think Katniss is too, but she doesn’t say anything.  Knowing her, I don’t think she will, and just have to keep reading her body language.

               I think things are going really well considering.  We have been married for about a month, and our relationship is definitely growing.  It is a surprise when the buzz at our door goes off out of nowhere.  We weren’t expecting anyone to visit, so Katniss and I both shrug at each other as we head to the door.  What we find is one woman and two men standing there.  They are all in grey official uniforms, although the man in front has a white lab coat on.

               “Hello.  Mr. and Mrs. Mellark?” the one in front addresses us.  We both nod.  “I’m Dr. Aurelius.  I’m here to do your monthly examination.”

               “What examination?” I ask.  We had not been told of any tests that we were supposed to be a part of.

               “Why, an examination of Mrs. Mellark to see if she is pregnant,” the doctor states.  “We have been ordered by the leadership to go around and do tests of all our young matched women to see if any are as of yet expecting a baby.”

               Katniss gives a gasp, and I know I must look as shocked as she is.  In our astonishment, we let the trio in. 

“If you could please show me the way to your bedroom, we can begin, Mrs. Mellark.”  Dr. Aurelius gives a motion to let Katniss lead the way.  She does so, but turns to give me a look that is pleading with me about what she should do. 

“It’s okay,” I mouth to her.  The two assistants follow behind the doctor and the door closes.  

I am anxious the entire time for Katniss and what she must be going through.   I can hear quiet talking through the door, but can’t make out what is being said.  Knowing nothing about pregnancy, I have no clue what tests they might be doing to her.  I sit on the couch for what is about fifteen minutes when they all come out.  The three visitors head to the door.

“Thank you for your time,” the doctor states as he walks out. The others follow.  As soon as the group is gone I turn to my wife.

“What happened?” I ask desperately.

She breathes out.  “It wasn’t bad. Just embarrassing.”  She sits on the couch to continue.  “They did blood work, a urine test, and a vaginal exam.  That was the embarrassing part.  The doctor didn’t even say anything the whole time.”

“Okay,” I take a deep breath of relief, too.  “That’s fine.  It sounds like normal tests, at least.”  I stop for a moment to think about what to say next. “So they will know you are not pregnant.  No big deal.  They should figure not everyone can conceive right away.”

My words have no effect on Katniss’ anxiety.  “But Peeta, they also know that…” she can’t even say it at first.  “…That I am still a virgin.  I’m not so sure that will go over well.” 

My mouth makes an O shape as I take the information in and finally understand what she is trying to say.  Katniss is right.  Not being pregnant is one thing, but not having done anything at all is another.  Considering what they are asking us to do, the district officials probably expect that line to have been crossed at the very least. 

I run my hands through my hair trying to think of a response to ease her mind.  “Well, maybe it won’t be a big deal to them.”  I reply halfheartedly. “They might just wait and see what we do.  Give us time.”

“I’m not so sure,” she says quietly and looks off in the distance, lost in her troubled thoughts.  For myself, I don’t want to think about what this all means.  I decide that for now there is nothing we can do about it.

“Let’s just wait and see what happens,” I offer.  Katniss agrees with a nod and we leave it at that. We go on about our normal activities just like every night and don’t talk about the situation any more. 

We head to the bed as usual, and I am kissing Katniss as has become our custom lately before separating for the night.   Things become different, though, when she breaks apart from me and looks up with hooded lids.

“Peeta,” she says a little breathlessly. I love that I can have that effect on her.  “You know you don’t have to sleep on the couch if you don’t want to.”

I look back at her, trying to think of how to respond to her offer.  I can’t tell from her look what exactly she means by this. Katniss must see my confusion about what her intentions are with the statement, so she elaborates.  “I mean, just to sleep for now.  I know you sleep better when you have stayed after my nightmares.”

I scramble to get my thoughts together in a coherent manner.  I have slept better when I have ended up in the bed with her.  It probably could be for a lot of reasons, but I know that it is mostly because I am with her.  When I have placed my arm around her to calm her, I find that it calms me too, and sleep comes easily.  But I also have very physical reactions to her closeness, which have only increased in our time together.  I don’t want to scare her, either.

I can tell that Katniss is trying this time to be the one to take a step for us to be closer.  So far, I have been making most of the moves, but now I see that she making an attempt.  My inward battles ends fairly quickly, and I decide to take her up on the offer.

“Okay.”  I say softly and gently kiss her on the nose.  We spend the next few minutes getting ready and I eventually join her in the bed.  I take the side that is empty and after a quick good night to each other she turns out the light. 

It’s kind of strange just lying there looking at each other, and not really saying a word.  It’s not exactly conducive to falling asleep when I am there so close yet not holding her.  Eventually, I decide I can’t stand it and put out my hand to place my hand on top of hers.  She smiles at me, laces her fingers through mine, and then closes her eyes.  With my own satisfied smile, I do the same and enjoy the most peaceful night of sleep yet.

I wake up to find her hand still in mine, and somehow in the night her body has moved a little closer towards me.  Katniss is still deep in sleep, so I kiss her forehead and try to quietly get up.  It is going to be a busy day as Prim and Mrs. Everdeen will be visiting later this afternoon.  I head to the kitchen to first whip up some cheese buns for Katniss.  With that done, I then work on some cookies for Prim.  I bake the chocolate chip flavor that I remember she likes.

My wife comes in to the aroma of baked goods.  “Mmmmm.  That smells so good.  I have to have one.”  She gives me a small kiss on the cheek as she reaches over to the cookie sheet.

I laugh and mockingly swat at her.  “No you don’t.  They’re for later.  I have cheese buns for you on the counter.”  Katniss smiles and goes to grab one.  She doesn’t seem to feel weird about last night, so I take that as a good sign.  I suppose any lingering awkwardness will dissipate with time.

The day continues to go well and when there is a buzz at the door, Katniss practically runs to it and is immediately tackled by Prim.  “Hi!  How are you?  I hate not being able to see you more.”  You can’t stop the excitement flowing from the growing thirteen year old.

“I’m good, little duck.  Mom, I’m glad you came.”  Katniss says as she turns to Mrs. Everdeen and they embrace warmly. 

“So am I.  It’s been busy in the medical areas, so it’s nice to have a little break.  We do miss you.”  It’s then that they turn to look at me standing there.  Katniss makes the introductions.

“Mom.  Prim.  You remember Peeta from back home.”  I can see the stares of two sets of blue eyes upon me.  I give my most brilliant smile to these two females that mean the most to my wife.

Prim speaks first.  “Hi Peeta!”  She comes over and grabs me in a hug.  “I’m really glad you were chosen to be with Katniss.  Did you make anything?”

Katniss rolls her eyes.  “Prim, it’s not polite to just come here and assume Peeta made any treats for you.”

“I’m just asking,” Prim protests with a shrug.

I chuckle a little and bend down to the girl’s ear.  “In the kitchen.  I made them just for you.”  Prim beams at me, gives me another bear hug and her thanks.  The teenager then runs off into the other room.  Katniss follows to help her out with a not quite serious scowl in my direction.  I find myself left alone with my now Mother-in-law.  She was watching the girls, but now turns to me.

“I think you’ve made her happy,” she comments.

“I’m trying.” I tell her honestly.

“You’re doing a good job.  I was so scared for her at first being forced into this situation, but now I think it might be the best thing to happen to her.”  The older woman walks closer towards me as she continues her thoughts.  “She’s different in a way. Softer. More hopeful.  I think that’s because of you.”  She smiles at me, but then her expression changes to one looking like regret. “I haven’t really been there for her.  She did all the work to save our family.  Now she has someone putting her needs first for a change.  It’s so nice to see.”  She is gazing intently at me, trying to make sure I understand all that she is trying to tell me.

“She’s worth it,” I reply to her, and try to show my love for her daughter behind my statements.  My mother in law must see it, because it earns me more smiles and a hug. 

“It’s nice to have a man in the family again,” she notes and the discussion is over.  We walk together to join Katniss and Prim in the kitchen.  We spend the next few house sharing stories while everyone eats up all the cookies.   By the end of the day, I feel like I had better conversations with these three women today than I ever did with my own family.  It’s nice to feel like a part of something like that again.

That evening, Katniss and I lie in bed together once more, and the patterns continue on in the days after.  Each night our bodies draw closer and closer, until about the fifth night we give up any pretense. As we turn off the light my wife immediately snuggles in close into me.  Her body fits perfectly with mine, and I can only feel contentment in where I am at.  We both sleep well, and her nightmares seem to have all but disappeared.

I also know that my body is most definitely reacting to hers being so close every night.  I’m going to have to do something soon before anything gets out of hand before it should.  Small steps, Mellark.  Small steps.  It’s going so well.  Don’t mess it up now.  I know it will have to happen, and we are getting there, but I can’t jump the gun.  I’m still not sure she’s ready. 

Most nights now we spend watching news coverage on the TV.  The coverage is generally about the rebellion and at the end of each broadcast is a list of recent casualties.  Katniss is always on the lookout to see if Gale is still alright.  Johanna gets letters, but they are sporadic. Usually arriving a couple of weeks after they are written. 

About a week after we had begun sharing a bed on a permanent basis, we are watching the latest news on how the forces were beginning to infiltrate the middle districts.  I have my arm draped around Katniss as we sit comfortably together on the sofa.  Her head is leaning on my shoulder.  “We are making progress in every battle zone,” the host says.  Suddenly, the anchor stops and says for all viewers to stay tuned for a special announcement from the leader of District 13.

At this change in the broadcast, Katniss and I both sit up a little on the couch.  Next, the camera cuts to a view of Alma Coin once again on the platform in the main auditorium hall. 

“Citizens!” she states into the microphone.  “I want to come on tonight to tell you myself the good news I have received.  As you know, our forces are fighting hard and working their way towards our goal of being able to infiltrate the Capitol and take control away from them.  I hear from our captains that we have now won over District 6 and are heading on to 5.  We will succeed!”  I can hear loud cheers from those who are there in person listening to the speech.

“Also, I want to share how well our repopulation program is proceeding.  As you know, we brought together around 85 couples to help in our crisis.  Each matched couple was married and then recently tested.  I am happy to confirm that at least 18 of those couples are now expecting and will be bringing new life into our country.”  She beams proudly as if this is the greatest victory we could possibly have. 

“We are so proud of these men and women for doing their duty in this, and to those who have not yet been so blessed, we pledge that will do everything in our power to help you in this process.  Once again, we will succeed!”  The roars of the audience are overwhelming and it is then that Katniss turns off the TV.

“What do you think she means by everything in our power to help?” she asks turning to me.

“I’m not sure I want to know.” I honestly tell her.  I wonder about what they plan to do for those like us who have yet to meet their demands.  It could be just about anything.  There is really nothing we can do until something happens.   For now, we have keep on as we have.

The next day, we end up having lunch with our usual group.  Everyone is chatting about the recent announcements and what they mean.

“I wonder who the blessed couples are.” Delly asks.

“Well, Gale and I for one.” Johanna blurts out.  We all turn to her in varying amounts of shock and excitement.  All of us give our congratulations to her and as women do, the girls start planning all things baby together.

“Have you been able to tell Gale?” I ask Jo.

“I sent a letter last week when I found out, but you know how long it takes,” she says wistfully.  I can see the concern for her husband etched on her face.  It is amazing to see her so choked up about a man who a little over a month ago she didn’t even know.  They seemed to have formed such a strong attachment so quickly.  I think that Katniss and I could have the same in time, but our way is taking it slow.  Not everyone is as passionate as those two, for sure.

That night when Katniss and I are back in our rooms, I watch as she is preparing some dinner.  I can tell something is on her mind by the way she is biting her bottom lip.  It’s a little habit I’ve noticed in her.

“How long do you think it will take before they come to talk to us about our relationship?” she finally asks.  Ahhh, so that is what is bothering her.  Katniss may not be the most open person, but she eventually comes out with it.

I let out a breath, relieved to finally know what is wrong.  “I don’t know.  They haven’t come yet.  Maybe they will leave us alone for now.”   But, in my head I know that if they were to come, it will probably be soon.

Turns out, we don’t have to wait long at all.  An hour later we are cleaning up dishes when there is the familiar sound letting us know someone is at our door.  We look at each other, knowing that no one is expected at this time.  Hesitantly, we both walk to the door and open it, revealing not one but at least five officials waiting in the doorway.  One of them strangely is Haymitch Abernathy from our home in District 12. 

He is not the one to speak, though.  The female in the middle is the one who eventually talks.

“Hello.  Peeta and Katniss, is it?  Good evening to you both.  We have come to visit with you and talk about your marriage.”  Oh no.  This can’t be good.

Chapter Text

Katniss POV

               Peeta glances at me to try and gauge my reaction to our visitors.  I am not surprised that these officials have come, but at the same time neither of us knows exactly what they are going to say.  I give a little shrug of resignation, and my husband gives a slight nod to me before turning back to the group.

               “Yes.  Please come in,” he tells them with that smile I now know is only his cover, not the genuine one.  We move out of the way as the group enters and lead into our living room.  They all find places to sit down.

               “Please, take a seat.”  The obvious official in charge motions towards the couch.   They have left a couple of spots open, so Peeta and I take our places there.  As we sit, I feel him take my hand and hold it.  I know this is not just for me, but for himself, too.  We both need the reassurance now.

               Eventually, the leader begins.  “As you know, Dr. Aurelius gave us the results of your examination the other week.”  He stops, and all Peeta and I can do it nod in assent. So, even though the doctor didn’t say anything to us, he passed on what he had learned to the higher up officials.  My anxiety increases, and I tighten my grip so that there is no possibility that Peeta can let go.  I try to read his face, but it is a complete mask right now.

               “We were not surprised that you were not expecting yet,” the man continues, “but…we were surprised when the doctor mentioned that it was obvious you had not tried at all to conceive.”  He turns to look directly at us now.  “That is why we are here today.  We want to find out the reasons for this lack of effort on your part.  We had hoped it was clear our intentions when we announced the plan behind the reaping.”

               I am no good with words.  Never have been, and it is evident now as I have no idea what to say or how to respond.   Luckily, I learned quickly that my husband is a master with words.  I feel his hand tighten through the speech, so I can tell his emotions are rising.  When he finally does speak, it’s with easy confidence.

               “With all due respect,” he says, trying hard to contain his heated emotions.  “But what did you expect?  You force complete strangers together, marry them, and ask then that they create a baby right away.”  Peeta breathes in and out deeply.  “Now, I understand that due to the devastating loss at the Capitol’s hands that we are in a population crisis, but this is not the way to solve the problem. Believe me.  People and emotions are involved.  Katniss and I have been spending the last month trying to just get to know each other.  We have been working hard to make some kind of connection so that we When  at some point be intimate.  It takes time to build a relationship.” 

               “True,” the official replies.  “In normal circumstances that might be the case, but these are not normal circumstances.  We don’t have time to make sure relationships are built.  We are in dire need to start repopulating.   The sooner this happens, the more quickly our rebuilding will be when the war is over. As you no doubt heard, some have already been successful in just one month.  And most have at least tried.”

               “I’m sure they have,” Peeta says, “but I respect Katniss too much to force her before she is ready.”

               The man turns to me.  “And how does Mrs. Mellark feel about it?”

               “You want people to do the most intimate act possible with someone they don’t know.  We just wanted to at least take time to get to know each other before doing that.” I state simply.

               “Well, as I stated before there isn’t time.” he starts to get up.  “We have come to tell you that you have until your next examination to show us you have at least attempted to fulfill your duties in this regard.”

               Peeta gets up from the sofa and stares right back at him.  “And if we don’t?” he asks.  I suddenly look up at my husband in awe at his boldness.  He is standing up for us and our rights.

               The official gives a strange one sided smile.  “Then we will have no choice but to take some kind of recourse.  One or both of you could be sent into service to fight with our soldiers on the front.   Or more likely, separated and paired with another partner who might be better suited to help push you in the right direction.  It’s up to you.”  With that, he looks towards the others gathered and they all rise and follow him towards the door.  He gives one last turn to us before exiting.

               “Good evening to you both.  We will be watching on how things develop here.”  With that the group take sharp steps through the door and into the corridors.  The last one to leave is Haymitch, who right before walking through the door stops for a moment.

               “I would do what they ask,” he tells us quietly.

               “Is there anything we can do to give us more time?” Peeta asks.  “It’s wrong for them to force all of this on us.”

               The older man looks at the officials to see if they are watching, then turns back to us.  “Look, I agree with you.  I understand the problems we are facing, but I don’t like how they are going about all of this.”

               “There’s got to be another way.” Peeta offers.

               “There were a few other options on the table.” Haymitch replies.   “But, let me tell you after listening to the District leadership debate them all, this plan was deemed the quickest way.  They are adamant about doing the program and making it work.  When they told you there will be consequences, believe it.   It will happen.”

               Our faces must look completely fallen in defeat. “You have a month.  My advice is do whatever you can to meet their demands.”  With that we nod in understanding, and Haymitch heads off to follow the others.

               Finally alone, Peeta turns to me.  I can’t exactly figure out what he is thinking from the look upon his face.  His forehead is crinkled like he is deep in thought.  I am still pondering myself on the scene that just unfolded. What I can’t seem to get out of my mind is the awe I feel at how this man before me fought for us.  He stood up to them so willingly and strongly in our defense. After everything that has slowly been built between us, and now watching his strength, I am overcome with one thought.  I think I might just be in love with my husband.

                Peeta remains quiet, so I ask him to tell me his thoughts.  He runs his hand through his hair.  “I guess the first question is do you want to stay with me?”

               “What do you mean?” I ask.

               “What I mean is, they told us the consequences if we don’t have sex in the next month.   That they would just pair us with another partner or send us to the fighting.  Would you prefer either of those rather than stay with me?”  I can see in his blue eyes that he is anxious about my answer.

               My thoughts race through my head.  Would I rather that happen?  Not in a million years.  “No, I don’t want that.”  I quickly throw out the first idea to come to mind.  “What if we try to run off?  Go somewhere else where we can live without them controlling us?”  I offer.

               Peeta’s response is practical.  “What about your family?  All our friends?  Would we be able to leave with everyone?  Besides,” he says in a tone like there is no way out, “at this point, where would we go?  Everything has been destroyed.”

                He’s right.  It was a ridiculous idea.  We are stuck in this if we want to stay together.  I know I do, and I am pretty sure Peeta does, as well.  So now the question is, have we built enough between to be able to take that step?  I need to ask him.

               “Peeta, do you think you would be able to do it if we tried?” I cautiously get out.

               I’m fairly sure his answer would be yes, but Peeta surprises me at what he does next.  He takes both of my hands in his, tilts my chin up, and looks down directly into my eyes.  He wants me to really listen to everything he is about to say.

               “Katniss,” he begins, “do you know the first time I saw you?”  What?  Where in the world is he going with this?

               “Probably at school sometime,” I answer with a shrug.

               “The first day,” he replies.  “You were wearing a red plaid dress with two braids instead of the one you wear now.  My father pointed you out to me and told me a story about how he was in love with your mother until she left him for your father after she heard him sing.  Later that day in the music assembly, you stood up and sang the Valley song.  I swear when you sang the birds stopped to listen just like they did for your father. And like your mother, I knew I was a goner when I heard you.  After that, I followed you every day to watch you go home.  To make sure you were safe.  That’s why I burned the bread.   I couldn’t stand to see you like that.  So I did what little I could to help.”

                Peeta stops for a moment, and begins to rub my hand with his thumb.  “Over time, my feelings for you have only grown deeper, even more so now since we have been together and I have gotten to know the real you.”  He takes a deep breath before continuing.  “I love you, Katniss.  I have loved you for a long time.”

               I am so astonished at his confession that I can’t speak.  I don’t even know what to think.  He is in love with me.  He has been in love with me from the start.  I just stand there continuing to look straight into his eyes.  Peeta adds one more thing.  “So…yes, Katniss. I would most definitely be able to do it.  The question now becomes, would you?”

               Would I?  Could I?  Should I? Do I?   The questions come rapidly in my head, and it reels from the implications of what will happen depending on how I answer.  Peeta must sense my need to think, because he says, “You don’t have to answer tonight if you need to think.”

               When I don’t respond, he heads off back into our living room.  I eventually follow and we sit on the couch together and Peeta turns the evening news on.  We watch in silence.  I sit there not really looking at the screen, but watching him.  He is always thinking about my needs.  It’s only another reason why I think I love him.  He has given nothing but love and kindness to me since we have been placed together.  If we were back home, we would take all the time we need for our relationship to develop naturally. But we are not at home.  We are here underground in District 13 with a rebellion going on and with no time.

               Even in our situation, though, I know I have come to have strong feelings for my husband.  Look how he continues to just hold me as we sit here.  I have come to feel to feel so loved in his arms.  I can only think that these feelings will continue to grow.

              When the program ends, it’s late and we head to the bedroom to get ready for sleep.  After dressing and washing up, I join Peeta in the bed with a yawn. The day’s events have worn me out. I lay down and face him.  We don’t talk but look straight at each other eyes.  I feel like we can almost see into each other’s souls. He gently kisses me then, and the flood of sensations I always feel at his kiss enters me.  With that, I know my answer.

               As we break apart, I whisper to him, “Yes.” Peeta looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, I would be able to.  We can make love together.”

               In the dark I can see a small smile on his face.  “You’re sure?” he softly asks brushing some hair out of my face.

               I nod.  “I’m sure.  Not now…but soon.” I tell him.

               “Okay,” he replies sleepily.  “Soon.”

               We decide to wait a week before trying anything, mostly because our schedules in the meantime are so hectic.  We both have long work hours ahead of us, and the following Saturday would be the first day that we would have some free time.  It seemed like the best and most relaxed opportunity.  We would need that.

               The anticipation through the week, though, is both exciting and excruciating.  On one hand, you can feel the electricity between knowing what is coming.   The kisses and touches keep getting more and more heated and passionate.  At the same time, we have to hold back so that things don’t get out of hand too soon.  It’s the most painful at night, when we lie there together waiting to fall asleep.  The tension is terrible, wanting to touch and taste, yet also nervous and trying to contain ourselves.  I can only hope this will make our union more satisfying when it happens.

               In the midst of my frustration and insecurity, I decide to visit my mother.  I need to talk to someone about it.  I let her know that I am coming and that I want to have a conversation alone.  She will make sure that Prim is out of the way.  When I arrive and she opens the door, Mother smiles, and leads me to the kitchen table.  A cup of tea is already waiting.  She must know that I need something to calm me before I can speak about what is on my mind.  I take a long first drink and let it soak in.

               “There must be something pretty big you want to discuss,” she states simply.

               I nod.  We let the silence linger for a few minutes.  “How did you know you loved Father?” I finally ask her.  “Was it when you heard him sing?”

               By her upraised eyebrows, she is surprised at my question.  She takes a moment, and then answers.  “Well, I was mesmerized by him then, but I didn’t love him.  It was only later on when I saw him giving up all the food he had hunted for the day to children even hungrier than he was that I knew I loved him.  He was so gentle and so kind.  He took care of others first, and I knew then that he would be devoted always.  And he was…” Mother’s voice drifts off from the memories. She looks into the distance for a few minutes, but eventually comes back to the present.  “What is this about, Katniss?  Is it you and Peeta?”

               It’s time to say it out loud.  To get it out there.  “I love him, Mom.  I know it with all my heart now.  We’ve decided to take that next step soon.  I’m just frustrated and a little nervous.”

               She smiles at me and places her hand on top of mine.  “Honey, that’s normal.  It wouldn’t be if you weren’t nervous.  Are you sure, though?”

               I can be confident at least about this part.  I nod my head vigorously.  “Yes.  I’m sure.  It’s time.”

               My mother nods her own head in understanding.  “Then my advice to you is when the moment comes to just let go.  Don’t think so hard about everything, but let that feeling of loving Peeta overtake you.  I think the rest will happen naturally.”

               What my mother says make sense and somehow gives me a feeling of peace.  I can do this.  We can do this.  I have renewed sense of confidence to tackle the situation.  I hug this woman which is something I haven’t done in a long time.

               “Thank you,” I tell her honestly.

               “You’re welcome, sweetheart.  It means so much that you came to me.”  Tears are showing in her eyes.  “I love you, and I love Peeta too.  Because I think he loves you maybe even more than I do,“ she says.

               “Do you think so?” Her statement makes me curious as to her thoughts on what she has seen.

               “Oh yes,” she answers immediately.  “I could tell as soon as I saw you two together the first time you visited.  It was in the way he looked at you.  You weren’t noticing, but I did.  I recognized that look Peeta had when he was watching you.  It was the same look your father would have sometimes when he looked at me.”

               The happiness I feel at hearing this has me so excited that I hug my mother again and almost run off without saying goodbye.  I hurry back to our compartment and go quickly to the Kitchen.  Peeta is there baking cheese buns for the next morning.

               “Hey,” he says with a smile upon seeing me.

               “Hey yourself.”  I go up to him, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him on the lips.  Soon, I take the initiative and deepen it more than I ever have in the past.  I’m trying to let Peeta know my feelings through my actions, since words seem to fail me.

               My husband is left with a goofy grin on his face when we finally break apart.  “Well, someone seems to be in a good mood.”

               I return the smile with my own hopefully gleaming one.  “Yeah, someone is.  What’s for dinner?”

               We go about the rest of the evening in pure happiness. The next few fly by in the same routine until the day we had decided upon arrives.  We both wake early, and you can immediately feel the nervous aura in the air.  Both of us seem so unsure of exactly how to just act normally knowing what is coming tonight.  We try to pass the time by cleaning around the compartment and doing other chores, but by lunchtime the tension is killing us.

               “Let’s get out of here for a while,” Peeta suggests.  I totally agree and we decide to go up to the surface and take a walk in the woods.  When we get there, he takes my hand and as we follow the path, the environment and distraction help us both calm and relax.  We begin to talk about our work in the week ahead and the rebellion news.  Forces have moved on to District 3, trying to restore power there to have better communications with 13.  It would be nice for those wanting to have more contact with their loved ones than the infrequent letters.

               With the walk, hours actually pass, and we head back to our quarters.  Peeta starts to rub circles inside my palm to try and make sure I stay relaxed.  I am definitely feeling better, though, and we go about making dinner.  We had taken some special rations for tonight’s meal, both of us wanting to make it special.  We chop up the vegetables together and put spices on the chicken.  Peeta does most of the work as he is better in the kitchen, but I help. 

                Eventually, we sit down to the amazing meal.  Peeta has thought of everything, even having a couple of lit candles on the table as we eat.  We make small talk through the meal, and afterwards I am given another surprise.  My husband takes my hand and leads me into our living room where he has somehow managed to push the furniture back against the wall.  There is some soft music playing and Peeta places my arms around his neck and puts his own around my waist.  Together, we begin swaying to the music and it is magic in the air.  I feel like I am floating on a cloud.  All I can see, hear, and feel is him. 

                As the song ends, Peeta gently lifts my chin and kisses me.  I return it wholeheartedly, and find that the anticipation all week has been worth everything.  It is an amazing feeling and the kiss deepens quickly.  This time, though, we don’t have to stop.

                After what seems like forever, Peeta lips leave mine, and he begins placing kisses along my neck. They are soft and fluttery, with each one moving further downward.  Eventually, he comes to my shoulder and begins kissing along my collarbone. 

               “You…are...so…beautiful.” he says breathlessly between each touch of his lips.

               It feels wonderful, and I can’t even put words to my emotions at this moment. The only thing I can equate it to is a growing kind of hunger.  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, Peeta brings his hand up to my shoulder and slowly guides the strap of my sundress off until it hangs on the side of my arm.  Without even stopping his kisses, he continues his exploration of the area, before moving over to the other side and doing the same thing with the other strap of the dress.  Finally, he comes back to my lips with one passionate brush of his lips, his tongue sweeping the inside of my mouth.  I can taste the mix of sugar and spices from our dinner.    

              When we part this time, I am left completely breathless. Peeta places his forehead on mine.  “Ready?” he whispers.

              With all the emotion I feel, there is only one answer.  “Ready.”  Then with a gentle last kiss, he takes my hand and turns to lead me into the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Peeta’s POV

               My eyes automatically flutter open at the first rays of light.  It’s a habit.  I can’t sleep late even if I wanted to.  But that’s actually okay.  I have come to love these first moments when I am awake and Katniss is still asleep.  She looks so peaceful and content as she lays there.  I smile down upon this beautiful woman.   My wife now in every way.

               I have reason to be happy this morning, because the previous evening had to be the most amazing night of my life.  I have had many fantasies over the years of being with Katniss like that, and the reality was everything I imagined and more.  She practically glowed in the candlelight as we danced, and as kisses deepened I could feel the moment was right.  So, I led her into the bedroom.  Yes, it was awkward at times with both of us being novices at sex.   But when we finally came together, it was a more powerful feeling than anything I had ever known.

               Surprisingly, Katniss must have felt it too, because in the middle of the night I awoke to see her lying there and just staring at me.  With no words, she kissed me, and actually initiated a second time which turned out to be even more intense than the first.  Her actions definitely made me curious.  From all the signs I have seen, I know she has some feelings for me.  The fact that she decided to stay with me and face this together showed that she at least cares, right?  The intimacy that has been growing over the weeks has not been completely one sided.  But, is what she feels for me love?  I’m still not sure. I need to ask her about it.

               I still hate the idea of all of this being forced upon us, but I have decided to take what’s built between us and hope that whatever Katniss feels will continue to grow.  I think our marriage could truly be something real if we could only be given the space and time to work at it.

               My wife begins to stir beside me.  I take that as my cue to place my arms around her waist and pull her close to me.  I can hear a contented moan as she snuggles into my chest.  I love the feel of Katniss next to my body.  It’s like it was always meant to be there, as if it knows that it is protected there.  I would do anything to keep her safe.

               As her eyes finally look upon the world for the first time this day, I gently kiss her forehead.  “Good morning.”

               Katniss practically glows as she smiles.  “Good morning to you.”

               “Are you okay?”  I need to be sure first that the pain she experienced in our lovemaking is gone. Even in the glorious feeling I have after the experience, the memory that I had hurt her in the process makes me wince.

               “I’m fine,” Katniss says quietly.  I must not look convinced by her statement because she continues.  “Really, Peeta. I swear I am fine.  It did hurt for a moment, but after a while it began to feel good.  Especially the second time.”  She is blushing as she is saying all this.  “Overall now I feel great.”  She smiles broadly and I am finally reassured.

               I give her a little kiss.  “I’m glad.  I really wanted last night to be good for both of us.”  I begin to rise out of the bed. “How about I go and get started on your cheese buns.” 

               My feet have barely reached the ground when Katniss grabs my arm and gives a little pout.  “I was hoping we could stay here a little longer.”  Her tone tells me she is trying her hardest to be seductive.   It’s adorable coming from her.

               I am pleased at her desire for me and can’t help but give a little smirk.  “Trust me, I would love nothing more, but I’m afraid the kitchens won’t wait.”  I stretch as I stand up. “Look, I know we need to talk.  Tonight, alright?”

               “Alright,” she replies with a sigh.  Reluctantly, I leave her and enter the bathroom to get ready for my day.  It doesn’t take long before I am clean and dressed.  I give Katniss a lingering kiss to say goodbye and let her know my intentions for later.

                “See you tonight.” I tell her.

               “Have a good day,” she replies as I head out

               As I enter the transport tubes, I think that this must be the first time in my life I have not actually wanted to go and bake.  I try my best to motivate myself all the way there.  I immediately begin working as soon as I arrive and keep busy, hoping it will make the morning go by quickly. Even with all my efforts, though, the vision of Katniss last night continues to distract me.  So much so, that at one point I almost ruin a loaf with the wrong ingredients.  UGH!  This day is going to last forever. I don’t know how I can be productive here when all I want is to be with my wife.  I need to picture something that will keep me focused.  Not easy.

               I’m pretty silent most of the day and don’t go around and make my usual small talk with coworkers.  I just know that anyone around me too long would see the goofy grin plastered on my face and know what is going on.  I can only imagine what our friends will all say the next time we see them.  Greasy Sae walks by a few times as I am kneading dough, and I swear the old woman can see right through me.   The last time she does, she stops in front of my station.  I have just put the last batch of rolls in the oven.

               “I imagine you want to head home for the day, don’t you boy?”  The smile on her face is all knowing.  

                I nod my head.  “Yeah. I’d like to go and be with Katniss.”  I’m sure I sound like the romantic lush I am.

               “Go on, young man,” she says.  “I can get these out of the oven for you.  You go home to that wife of yours.”  I don’t waste any time taking her up on the offer.  I mutter my thanks, untie my apron, and practically run out of the kitchens. 

                I get in the tubes and head up to our level.  I get out and continue my fast pace down the hallways until I reach our compartment.  I’m never sure when Katniss will be home since it depends on how good the hunt is for the day.  I enter the rooms calling out her name.

               “Katniss?  Are you here?”  I don’t see her at first, but soon hear a scuffle of hurrying feet followed by a weight pushing me towards the wall.  I have no time to think before her lips are upon mine.  They are insistent, and I am nothing but obliging.  After some time exploring, they finally let go.

               “Hi,” she says breathless.  “Welcome home.”

               “And what a welcome it is.” I say enthusiastically.  My lips are swollen from the encounter.  “You had a good day I take it?”

               “Yeah, I did,” she tells me.  “There was a lot of game around the streams and I would have been back even sooner if I hadn’t been daydreaming and missed a few shots.  All I could think about all day was you.  It’s distracting even now while I was trying to figure out what we could have for dinner.”

               I laugh at hearing that Katniss was as affected as I was by last night’s events.  “I know what you mean.” I say as I brush back her hair.  “I’ve been thinking about you all day, too.  Almost ruined some of the food.”  Katniss laughs with me and I stop her with another kiss at this point.  The feeling from last night returns and builds with each moment.  We both finally come up for air and look at each other.

               “Forget dinner,” I say and from there we both head back to the bedroom and get lost in the haze of each other once more.

               Later, we are both sitting there entangled together in the bed.  I know that it’s time to talk out a few things that have been on my mind.  I see a satisfied smile on Katniss’ face as she places her head on my shoulder.  I stroke the soft curls in her hair that is now softly flowing down her back.

               “You really are surprising, you know that?” I remark in the silence.

               Katniss sits up and looks at me.  “What do you mean by that?” she asks.

               I take a moment to decide on the right words to express what I have been wondering about all day. “It’s just that, when we decided to do this, I knew how I felt about you.” I begin to explain. “I’ve just been surprised at how you’ve responded.  I know you probably don’t feel the same about me.  But, I mean twice last night and now?”  She raises her eyebrows.  I lift my hands in defense. “Not that it hasn’t been amazing.  It has.  It’s been more than I ever would have expected.  I just didn’t think you would be this enthusiastic.”

               I try to read Katniss’ face as she takes what I have said in.  I can’t tell what she is thinking, though.  After what seems like forever, she finally speaks.  “Who says I don’t feel the same?”

               “What?”  I am stunned by her question. “Well, I thought…” Is it possible?  Could she really?   With all of my hopes up, I ask the question.  “How do you feel, then?”

               Her eyes don’t flit away for even a second.  “You shouldn’t be surprised by anything, Peeta.”  She moves towards me until she is only inches away.  She places her hand on my cheek. “Because I love you.” 

                I feel like my heart is going to burst from the joy I feel at her declaration.  She loves me.  This relationship may have been forced at first, but the feelings we have now are real.

               “I love you, too.”  I reply in kind.  Then, I back that statement up with action by giving loving kisses along her neck.

               In the next days we get to know each other in a completely new way.  It’s funny that once we cross that threshold of a physical relationship, Katniss and I become almost insatiable.  We spend most of our evenings in bed.  I can’t get enough of her.  It’s an amazing experience each and every time.

               Although we try to be discreet and hide our happiness in the development of our relationship, we are soon found out and unmercifully teased.

               “Well, well.  It looks like a certain duo has finally gotten their act together and is getting it on,” Johanna states at lunch one day.  I look up from my meal to find her staring directly at the two of us.  She had called all of us together to hear her read the most recent letter from Gale.  Both Katniss and I blush beet red at her statement.  The others turn to look at us with smirks and giggles at the knowledge of what we have been doing.

               “Stop it, Jo,” I finally scold her.  “We’re married.  It’s not like it’s unusual for married couples to be intimate.”

               “No,” she agrees wickedly, “but I can definitely tell you that compared to a month ago when I think you two weren’t doing a thing that you have obviously taken some big steps.  Congratulations.  Welcome to the club.  It’s fabulous, isn’t it?”  She continues to leers at us mischievously

               “Yeah. Great.” Katniss states sarcastically while scowling right back in Johanna’s direction.  “Just lay off, okay?”

               “Alright,” the woman says in final defeat.  “Just as long as you keep lover boy happy.  That goofy grin of his is priceless!”   She laughs at loud and Finnick can’t help himself but join in.  I blush again knowing that it must have been me who had given our status away. Oh well.  Who cares? Why should I hide how I feel about my wife anyway?

                A couple of weeks later, Katniss and I are not shocked when there is once more a buzz at our door.  We open it to find Dr. Aurelius and his assistants again.  The only surprise is that Haymitch is with them this time.  He was probably sent by the leadership to make sure we have done what they demanded. 

               “Please, come in,” I say with a smile that is anything but sincere.

               They enter, and as Haymitch passes by he raises an eyebrow at us in question.  We both slightly nod so that only he can see.   He nods back and smirks knowingly at us.

               Katniss is asked again to follow the doctor into the bedroom.  As she walks by me, she leans close to my ear.

               “At least if I am not pregnant, they can’t say it wasn’t for any lack of trying,” she whispers to me.   She is smiling as she goes through the doorway. Once again, all I can do is sit on the couch and wait. 

               “If what you are telling me is true, then you two should have nothing to worry about,” Haymitch quietly grumbles while we sit there.  I can only hope that he is right.

               Ten minutes later, everyone finally emerges from the bedroom and I stand up to see how Katniss is doing.  She looks right at me. Reading her face, I can tell that she is relieved it is over and satisfied at whatever the results of her exam were.  Dr. Aurelius approaches me.

               “Well, Mr. Mellark.  Your wife is not pregnant at this time. But, I will be happy to report that you have most definitely made progress since my last examination.”

               “Thank you, doctor.” I reply.  “I am glad that you have noticed our efforts.”

               “Indeed,” the physician answers. “Keep them up and we will have good news in the near future, I’m sure.”  With that, he turns toward his companions and the group quickly exits with Haymitch giving us his final word of advice.

               “Take care of each other.  Stay together.”  We thank him and the old drunk follows the others out.  As the door closes, Katniss places her head on my chest.  My arms instinctively wrap around her.

               “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. Her voice is tinged with sadness.  I’m a little surprised at this reaction.  I know from our discussions that having children was not necessarily part of her plan in life.  I would have thought she would be relieved.

               “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” I comfort her.

               “I had no idea until they told me the test was negative that I was sad that it was,” she explains.  “There was a part of me that actually wanted to have baby growing inside me.”  She looks up again so that I can see those grey eyes. “I always thought that I didn’t want children.  Loving you has changed my mind, I guess.”

               My heart jumps for joy.  This new knowledge that Katniss wants to have a baby with me makes me happier than I would ever think was possible.   Neither of us wanted to be forced to conceive, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love the idea of my wife pregnant with our child.  I’m so glad that she feels the same.

               “Don’t worry,” I relieve her mind with a kiss on the forehead.  “It will happen someday.  There is still so much time.  Okay?”

               Katniss agrees and lets it go after that. Unfortunately, the discussion with our friends at lunch the next day brings the topic back to the forefront.  Our group is all together at the table and the girls are all talking about their examinations.  Most of them had tests like Katniss did, although Johanna’s was a checkup on the progress of her pregnancy.

               “I’m doing well so far they said.  The baby is growing nicely.  I told them that if puking every morning and feeling like a bloated goat was doing well, then I would hate to see what doing badly was like.”  We all laugh at Johanna’s take on the joys of pregnancy when Delly chimes in.  She and her husband Fred had taken to joining all of us the past couple of weeks.

               “Well, Johanna, I hope that I can survive the nausea and bloated feeling as well as you have,” the ever smiling and happy young woman says.  We all turn to look at her.  She smiles.  “Fred and I are expecting too.” Cheers are given all around, and I give a slap on the red haired man’s back in congratulations.  Katniss hugs Delly, but I can also see a little bit of a wistful look on her face.  She knows that she will have to wait a little longer.

                A few days later, the light mood set during that day is stopped in its tracks when word comes that there were heavy losses in a battle fought in what was once District 3.  There is little information from the front lines and many are frantic to get word of their loved ones.  Johanna is beside herself.

                “I’ve tried to get through the communication lines to talk to Gale, but there is nothing,” she sobs in our quarters.  For such a strong woman, I’ve never would expect her to break down like this.  She must really love him.  “I don’t know whether he is alive or dead.”  She sits there with the tears flowing in her eyes. Katniss and I both hold her.

                “It will be okay.” I offer.  “They’ll get word to you as soon as they can, I’m sure.”

                “I know Gale,” Katniss interjects.  “He will fight with everything he has.  Especially if he has you and the baby to come home to.   Just wait a little longer.  They’ll restore the lines and you’ll get to talk with him before you know it.”

                Johanna nods, relieved somewhat if not completely convinced. She gets up to leave then.  As she goes out the door, I see that my wife is thoughtful.

                “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” she says prophetically.  “I don’t know exactly what will happen, but it won’t be good.”

               And it turns out she is right.  We are lazily watching the evening news only days later when an unexpected announcement breaks into the usual broadcast.  The face that we are coming to loathe fills the middle of the screen, a multitude of microphones in front of her face.  Alma Coin steps up to bring the latest results of the rebellion efforts.

               “Citizens!  I am happy to tell you that after our examinations we have found another 7 couples are expecting a new addition to our populace.  We in the leadership are so pleased at how well this bold program is going. So many couples are coming through in our hour of need.”  She breaks for a moment here but soon continues with a more serious face.  “But, there is troubling news, as well.  We have recently had some major losses in our struggle against the Capitol.  The battles have been bloody.  While we are still confident that we will prevail, our forces are in need.  So, therefore I have today signed a decree that we will be drafting some of our abled young men to join the troops already on the front lines.  Those selected will be notified in the next few days.  We know their sacrifice will ultimately bring us victory.”  With that the announcement is over and the screen turns to static.

               I pick up the remote and turn off the TV.  I turn and glance at my wife.  The look I read on her face is one of shock and fear.  I can only imagine what she may think about this new development and what it may mean for us.

She looks up at me.  “Do you think they will make you go?” she asks in almost a whisper.

               I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding.  I place her hands in mine.  They are cold which I know means she is scared.  “I wouldn’t think so.  They need soldiers, but there is one thing they want more.  Babies.  To them, I haven’t completed my duty here yet.  My guess is that they will pick those that are single or who have kids already.”

               I can see Katniss’ anger rising.  “With everything they have already done to us, anything is possible!” she and begins crying.  I take her in my arms and just hold her tight.  “I hate this!” she screams. “I want to win the defeat the Capitol as much as anybody else, but I can’t stand how they are controlling us.  I just want us to be able to live our lives.”

Her thoughts and voice linger in the air.  I agree with her completely.  At the same time, the situation we were forced into is also what brought us together.  I can’t deny that.  I finally let out a question I have had in my head for some time.  “If I had gone out in the rain that day and given you the bread, or been brave enough to talk to you, would we have eventually come together on our own?” I ask her.

               Katniss doesn’t speak for a few moments.  “I don’t honestly know,” she finally answers.  “It’s pointless to dwell on what might have been.  What happened has happened.  I should be thankful to them at least that I have you.  I guess all that matters is that we are together now.”  Her hands grip tighter to mine.  “I don’t want to lose you.”

               “I won’t be able to stop them if they select me to go,” I tell her in almost a whisper.

               “I know,” she says while leaning her head on my chest.  “Until then…stay with me?”  The question echoes the one she uttered the first night we were married. After her nightmare. I didn’t have an answer then, but I do now.

               “Always.”

Chapter Text

Katniss POV

            Each day after the announcement I retreat more into myself as we draw closer to the draft notices being served.  My fear rises with each moment when I think about Peeta being sent into the fighting.  The nightmares that had died down not only come back, but are the worst I have ever had.  I can’t bear the thought of losing Peeta now that I have fallen head over heels for him.  I can almost see now why my mother acted as she did after my father’s death.  I know I would be absolutely lost without my husband.

            Two weeks after Coin spoke on TV the dreaded day finally arrives, though.   The morning new blares with a message that those selected will be notified at some time today.  We wait for hours sitting on the couch or in the kitchen.  We try to have conversation or engage in some kind of activity, without too much success.  Somehow, the time actually passes without any sound from our door. No person to give notice that Peeta will be leaving.  We dare not dream that the odds might actually be in our favor for once.  But, by the time we have cleaned up after our evening meal, we are fairly confident that Peeta’s number was not drawn.  As we get into bed, I actually feel like I can breathe for the first time that day and lay down to be close to my husband.  His warmth is the reminder I need that I am not dreaming.  Peeta is still here, still real.

            “Could we be that lucky?” I whisper to him.

            I can hear a quiet laugh escape him.   “Today it seems like it.”  I feel his strong hand take mine and hold it.  They remain locked together until I feel sleep overtake me.

            The next morning I wake up and squeeze the hand that I am still somehow holding.  It reflexively squeezes back and blue eyes open staring directly at me.

            “Hey,” I say to him.

            “Hey,” he replies as he places soft kisses on my face.  “I’m still here.”

            “Yeah,” I answer.  “I guess we can breathe easy.” 

            Peeta smiles at this.  “For now.  I have a feeling that many are not as lucky as we are this morning.” 

            As I leave to go to my work assignment, I soon am reminded how true his statement is.   I have been so selfish in my own fear that I barely thought about the other.  I am not the only who could lose someone to the war.  As I pass by the community dining area, I see Delly and Fred huddled closely together at one of the tables.  He has his arms around her, whispering to her while there are tears in her eyes.  Oh, no.

            The scene troubles me.  So much so that I am unable to focus on hunting at all.  I miss seeing multiple targets.  And when I do, my aim is terrible.  Noon finally comes after what seems like forever, and I practically run to the dining area. I find the entire group already seated for lunch.   Peeta walks over to me when he sees me.   He takes my hand and talks quietly while leading me over to our friends.

            “Fred and Finnick both got notices yesterday,” he whispers in my ear.

            I gasp.  “Finnick too?” I barely manage to get the words out.  “I can’t believe it.  Annie and Delly must be in agony.”

            “They are.” Peeta acknowledges.  “Both of them are practically hysterical and Finn and Fred are trying everything they can to calm them down.”  I am practically shaking at this point myself.  I can’t imagine how my friends could possibly be holding up in all of this.  My husband takes my other hand and looks me in the eyes.  “Don’t you lose it too, okay?  I’m here, and we both have to be strong for the girls.”

            I nod at him, and take a moment to compose myself before putting on a smile.  I turn, finally ready to face the group.  Tears are streaming down both Delly and Annie’s faces, and their husbands are holding them and looking completely lost as to what to do.  I can hear both men saying quiet words of reassurance.  “It’s okay.  We’ll win this thing.  It won’t be long before it’s over.”

            Johanna sits nearby, tapping her fingernails in obvious anger.   After a moment she finally can’t stand it.

            “This is insane!’ she practically screams.  “Force us into relationships to become baby making machines, and then take the men away as soon as they knock us up.”  She is seething and I can almost see the fire raging in her eyes.  “I almost rather go back to letting the Capitol be in charge.”

            “You don’t mean that,” I say.  “I hate it as much as you do, but things will change once we win the war, won’t it?”  My voice betrays my words, showing how unsure I really am about it all.

            “It better be,” Johanna continues.  “I want this stinking war over and have my man back!  It the rebels can’t get it together, then I am getting out there, pregnant or not, and taking my axe to a few people myself.”

            We all laugh.  Johanna just has that way.  The girls eventually calm down and we all quietly eat together trying to talk of anything other than the inevitable.  Somewhere along the line, we have to bring the situation up.  With the men leaving, we have to make sure plans are in place so that Delly and Annie are taken care of.

            I watch as Finnick leans over towards Peeta “You’ll watch out for them, won’t you?  Make sure they eat enough?  You’re the only male left in our little group. I don’t trust any of the officials here.”

            “Of course I will,” my husband promises easily.  There is no way that he wouldn’t help our friends. 

            I ask my own question of the bronze haired Adonis.  “I’m surprised they picked you. We were assuming that they were going to draft those whose wives are already pregnant.  They want babies so badly.”

            Finnick looks over at his wife sadly.  “Annie is expecting.”  He tells us so softly we almost don’t hear it at first.

            “What?”  I am shocked.  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

            “Annie wanted to keep it quiet,” he explains.  “And since we’re not really part of their so called ‘program,’ the leadership haven’t been keeping a tab on us like they have the rest of you.  We have thought she might be a couple of weeks ago and confirmed during her exam last Sunday.”

            “Congratulations, Finn” Peeta says.  “It really is wonderful news, especially considering the state of things.”

            “I know,” our friend replies.  “We were over the moon until now.”  He looks directly at us.  “Please look after Annie.  She’s so fragile.”  His eyes are pleading.

              “We will,” both Peeta and I vow.  I give Finnick a reassuring hug.  There is a few more minutes of mundane conversation, then the group regretfully breaks apart.  Both departing husbands lead their wives back to their rooms for one last night together.  Peeta leads me to our own compartments and when we enter, I immediately place my arms around him, holding on as tight as possible.

            “I just want to have you close,” I explain. 

            My husband simply says, “I know.”  We just continue to stand there wrapped around each other and my head on his chest.  Holding on to one another is all we really have right now.

            The next day is excrutiating as we watch about 40 men, some single, most married say tearful goodbyes to their loved ones.  I come to say goodbye to my friends.  I notice the searing looks from some of the other women towards me and they are painful.  It’s obvious they can’t stand that I’m here, knowing that my husband is one of the few who is staying while theirs are all heading off to battle.  I don’t blame them for feeling that way.  Both Fred and Finnick wave to us and they load on to a hovercraft that is taking them to where they will be trained.  As the door closes and the transport rises into the air, Annie covers her ears, tuning out all the noise around her.  Delly just sobs.           

            “I’m going to help them to their rooms,” Peeta tells me.  “Meet you back at our place?”  I nod, and my husband lovingly leads both of our friends out.  He is already keeping to the promise he made. 

            Over the next few weeks he continues to do so, taking extra loaves to each of their compartments daily.   He makes sure they eat at least some of their food when they join us for lunch.  I try to help, as well. I may not be the best at conversation, but I try to keep our gatherings light.  I tell jokes and other funny stories like the one about how I got the goat for Prim.  The girls laugh politely, but I can tell it doesn’t make much of a difference.  Peeta, loving as always, tells me that he is proud of me for trying. 

            We are so busy in our efforts for our friends that we almost totally disregard the duty that we had been assigned.  It’s only when Dr. Aurelius arrives again after a few weels that I remember I am supposed to try and get pregnant.  Peeta must have not been thinking about it either, because he looks as surprised to see them at the door as me.

            “Why don’t you come with us, Mrs. Mellark.  We will get you set up for the usual tests.”  I look back at Peeta as I walk behind them into the bedroom.  He gives me a small smile.  Then, the door closes behind me so I can’t see him anymore. 

            As always, they first ask me for a urine sample which is for the big test.   This request is easy and after I am done, I watch an assistant place a pregnancy test in the yellowish liquid I provided.  While waiting, the doctor does a quick vaginal exam.  I don’t think this part will ever be comfortable, no matter how many times I have done it before.

            By the time that is over, the assistant takes the stick out and hands it to Dr. Aurelius.  He takes a quick glance at it and looks at me, shaking his head.  I am not pregnant this time.  It’s not a shock, but I was still a little hopeful, if for no other reason than to get the leadership off our backs. 

           Afterwards, they clean up, and we walk back out to where Peeta is. Once more he is sitting with Haymitch, who seems to continue to be the go between for the leaders and us. My husband raises his eyebrow at me, and I shake my head.  He nods in understanding, and in his eyes I can see that he wanted it too.  Someday. I silently promise.

            They all walk out.  Haymitch is last as always.  “Just keep on trying,” he tells us.  As the door closes, I walk into Peeta’s arms.  He gives me a kiss on the forehead.

            “I love you,” I say.

            “I love you, too,” he replies.  “It’s still early.  We’ll be fine.”  We redouble our efforts in that department over the next month, but at my next examination it’s just the same.  The fifth month there is no change, and by the sixth month, I begin to see concern on Dr. Aurelius’ face.  After the seventh test, when the stick is still negative, the doctor and assistants begin to ask questions to both Peeta and I.  Extremely private and personal ones, at that. 

            “How often?  What positions?” they inquire, amongst other things.   We hesitantly, yet honestly answer everything they ask.  They get blood from both of us to do some extra testing, and even ask Peeta for a sperm sample.

            “That was the most awkward experience of my life,” he tells me when he returns.  “I understand now how you feel after each one of these.”  He hands a tube over to one of the assistants.

           At this same time, I am given ovulation sticks that I am instructed to use to help with timing.  We also sit as the doctor offers us advice on different techniques we might consider trying that are known to be effective in conceiving.  By the time they leave, I think we are so red in the face from the embarrassment that it will take at least a day or two before we are a normal color again.

            “Oh, please let’s get pregnant by the next time,” my husband says to no one in particular, “because I never want to have to go through anything like that again.”

            “Me neither,” I agree as we flop down on our sofa. We are completely drained from the experience.

            For the most part we keep that part of our life much like it was, in spite of what we were told.  I do use the ovulation sticks, though.  I let Peeta know when it shows that I am at my peak time, and we make our best attempts.  If this doesn’t work, then I don’t’ know what else to do.

            But at my eighth month examination, the test is still negative.  I look at the stick in disbelief.  One line only.  Because I was late with my cycle, I had been so sure that we had done it this time.  When my period comes a few days later, though, I know the test was accurate. 

            This time, the doctor and his cohorts pump us with more questions about our activities, and provide us videos and other material to as they put it ‘inspire us.’  The next day we attempt to watch one of the films, and both of our eyes widen at the visuals we see.  Horrified, we turn it off, and don’t even try to look at any more.

            At this point, I know it is time to talk with my mother.  I’ve never heard of her giving anything to women to help them conceive, but I have to try something.  I head over one Friday afternoon after hunting.

            Prim and my mother sit with me at the kitchen table while I sip on a cup of tea.  “I…” I feel tongue tied trying to get this out.  “Peeta and I are having trouble getting pregnant.” I manage to say after a few attempts.

           Without speaking, my sister rises up and heads to the bookshelf.  She begins to scan over the titles.  My mother starts to ask questions.  Many are the same that we have gone over with the doctors.  Once she is satisfied she has all the information she needs, I finally get her advice.

           “Well,” she starts, “first of all I wouldn’t worry.  I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with either of you.  It takes some couples many months, sometimes years to be able to have a baby.  You shouldn’t give up now.”

           I nod my head as she keeps going.  “I can think of some herbs that have been known to help in fertility.  Prim and I can collect them for you this week and bring them for you to try.  Other than that, I would just advise you to keep trying.  Since there is nothing physically wrong with either you or Peeta, just keep going as you are.  Try to relax.  Don’t think too much about it and it will happen.”

           “Thank you so much,” I tell her.  If nothing else, she has given me some reassurance at least for the time being.  Two days later I find a box filled with a variety of leaves in it with instructions from my mother on how to use them. 

           “Bottoms up!” I tell Peeta as I drink the concoction.  It’s not the best tasting, but I’m willing to try whatever I can at this point.  He laughs at me as I chug it all down.

            The next month keeps me busy preparing a baby shower for Johanna, Delly, and Annie.  All three thought that it would be wasteful to have three separate showers.  So, they decided a combined shower would be more efficient for all.  More fun, too, as they would be able to open presents and celebrate together.  As I help with the planning, I have to admit to myself that it is difficult to sit there during their conversations.

            “I’ve gained like 15 pounds in the last two weeks.” Delly moans.

            “Yeah, I’ve gained around that much too.” Annie adds.

            “If this kid doesn’t come out soon, I’m just going to rip it out.  I can’t get comfortable no matter what I do.” Johanna complains, now in her last couple of weeks before the baby is due.

            “So, I’ll just go blow up these balloons,” I say quietly and start to walk off.  I wanted to get out of there before they could see that I was upset.  When I finally get to my own rooms later in the day, I find Peeta and it only takes him one look to know how I am feeling.  Automatically, he opens his arms to me.

            “What’s wrong?” he asks.

            “It’s so hard to listen to them, going on about their pregnancies, when I’m….when I’m...”  I am trying hard to hold myself together.

            “You’re so stressed out, Katniss.” he tells me while stroking my hair.  “I really think that is the main problem.  We need to relax.”

            I know he’s right. But with life as it is, we have to press on.  The shower ends up going off without a hitch, and the girls all get lovely gifts.  I go about my days in my routine of hunting and being with Peeta.   But I am also counting down and dreading the days until my next examination.

            When it does arrive, I once more walk back to my bedroom slowly.  The usual tests are done quickly, and when it is once again negative, I finally lose it.  I cry and cry without ceasing.  Dr. Aurelius pats my back patiently and he, along with the assistants get me up from the bed and help walk me out to Peeta.  All my husband can do for me in my current state is hold me. And of course he does. Because there is nothing he can say to reassure me.  The doctor gives more advice which I barely take notice of and leaves.  Haymitch gives us his own concerned look before following.

            “You’re right.” I say once I am finally calm down enough to speak.  “We have to find a way to not stress.  Any suggestions?”

            Peeta thinks it over for a minute.  “What if we just take a day to go to the meadow again?  Forget about things here for at least a few hours?” he offers.

            It’s the best idea I’ve heard so far, and we plan it for the following weekend.  It turns out to be a beautiful sunny day.  We head out and enjoy the pastries Peeta had prepared.  We walk through a few different paths and talk about anything and everything we can think of.  We find a secluded spot to make love and it is the easiest I have felt in months.  Late in the afternoon we lay there, my head in my husband’s lap, when there is a rustling through the trees.

            “Katniss?  Peeta?  Are you here?”  It’s Annie.  Out of breath with huge stomach in front of her.  “There you are!  You’ve got to come with me.  Johanna is in labor!”  We practically run all the way back, just in time to hear our friend screaming at the top of her lungs.

            “Get it out!” We can hear her through the doorways from the waiting room of the medical wing.  We sit there with Annie and Delly.  We all are wringing our hands as if we were the parents, and not just concerned friends.  Time seems to stand still, but about an hour later, we hear a different kind of cry.  Within minutes, a doctor comes out and announces that Johanna has had a boy.  They tell us to wait for the baby to be cleaned up before we visit.  Another half hour later, though, we are led through some doors and see the little bundle through the nursery window.  Dark hair and grey eyes exactly like his father.

            “Oh boy.  Jo is going to love that.” Delly remarks with a smile.  We spend the next days helping the new mother get into a routine.  When the baby is a couple of weeks old, Johanna has feeding and diapering down pretty well.  She begins to start waving us away when we attempt to take over in any way.  We do continue to bring her bread and other food since it is difficult for her to get out right now.  Peeta and I are just getting ready to leave after a visit when there is a buzz at the door. 

            “I’m not expecting anyone.” Johanna seems puzzled at who it could be as she heads to the door.  When she opens it her face at first shows shock, and then almost ecstasy.

            “Oh, baby!” she cries, and leaps into a pair of strong male arms.  When we are clear of obstacles, we are surprised to see it’s Gale.  His wife is kissing him with absolutely no reservation, and we just stand there until Peeta gives a little cough to remind them that we are still there.

            “What?  Oh hey there.” my friend says upon finally noticing us.  He flashes us a huge grin and shakes Peeta’s hand.  “It’s good to see you.  How are you?”

            “Fine,” I answer.  “What are you doing here?  We had no idea you were coming home.”

            “I got a couple of days leave from my group.” Gale explains.  “My commander has a special assignment for me, and he thought this would be a good time for me to do it.  So I could see my wife at the same time.”

            “Well, I guess we will leave you two alone then,” Peeta says.  “Don’t get into any trouble now,” he jokes.

            “Oh, hush!” Johanna says shooing us out the door.  As we walk out I see her turn to her husband.  “Come on, love.  I want you to meet your son.”  She leads him towards the baby’s room and I can only smile as we leave.

            My happiness is short lived, though. When we arrive at the door to our own rooms, four familiar faces meet us.  Oh yes.  It’s time for the ten month examination.  I have no idea if I am pregnant or not, but I can’t stop to think about that now.  I know the routine so well, that within moments I am already done with most everything.  When the allotted time has passed, Dr. Aurelius hands the test over to me.  I take one quick glance at it, and upon seeing the result, simply throw the offending stick across the room.  I storm out, clearly angry, and Peeta knows it as soon as he sees me.  The group leaves without saying a word and I go into our bedroom and shut the door.

            Five minutes pass and my husband quietly comes in and sits on the bed with me.  He places his arms around my waist and squeeze tight.  My body deflates immediately upon his touch.

            “It’s no good,” I say defeatedly.  “There must be something they are missing that’s keeping me from getting pregnant.”  I pull away and lay face down on the bed.  “You should just leave me.  It would be easier for you.”

            “Don’t you dare say that,” Peeta states almost angrily as he makes me sit up again to look at him.  “I love you, Katniss, and I’m staying right here.   So just get any thoughts of my leaving out of that head of yours.”  He is running his hands through my hair now in that soothing way he knows so well.

            I completely fall into his embrace.  “I don’t deserve you.”

            “Yeah, you do,” he replies. “But you have me no matter what.”

            Over the next month, Peeta and I try to focus on just being together.  Gale’s visit is short. He obtains the supplies he needs for his squadron, and heads right back out again after two days.  We get to speak to him only enough to know that the battles are tough, but he is confident that they are going to invade the Capitol within the next six months.

            “It’s coming,” he explains.  “The end of the war is going to happen.”

            “I hope so,” Johanna comments.  “Just come back home to us when it does.”  She smiles and he kissed her deeply.  The void is immediately felt again at his departure.

            The happiest moments are those when my husband and I are simply alone in each other’s company.  Although, there are other bright spots, as well.  Delly and Annie both have their babies within days of each other.  Delly’s is a blue eyed girl with vivid red hair who is a perfect miniature of her with Fred’s hair color.  Annie has a boy with her dark hair and sea green eyes that leaves no doubt to who his father is.  Both women are enamored of their children. Like with Johanna, we help them settle into the routine of motherhood.

            Things are so busy that I barely notice when it is again time for Dr. Aurelius and his group to arrive.  It has been eleven months.  By now I am numb to all the emotion in this exercise.  I am back and am through the tests in no time flat.  When the doctor picks up the stick, he just shakes his head, and walks out the door without saying anything.  I eventually follow, planning to escort them out of the room.  But when I reach our living area, I notice that they are still there standing in front of Peeta and Haymitch.  I quickly shake my head to let them  two men know that our situation has not changed.

            “Now that we are all together, I have to inform you that due to your circumstances, the leadership has made a decision in your case.”  Dr. Aurelius looks at both Peeta and I seriously. “They have been reading your case file I was given a message to give you if your results were the same.”  He stops for a moment, and then breathes out before continuing.  “The message from our officials is this.  If you are not pregnant by your next examination, our leadership will have no choice but to consider your marriage a failure in being able to conceive.  From there, they will take action accordingly.”

            “What kind of action?” Peeta asks.   

            Dr. Aurelius shrugs, “I don’t know.  I wasn’t given that information.  Only the message.”  With that, the group silently leaves. Haymitch is at the back.

            “Is there anything you can do?” I plead with him.

            He shakes his head.  “Not in this case.  This is too important to them,” the older man says.  He puts a hand on each of our shoulders.  “My advice is two words…get pregnant.”  All we can do is nod our heads as he walks out.

            Both Peeta and I just slump into the couch.  We look at each other in desperation.  “What do you think?” I ask him.

            He sighs.  “I think we just need to forget all of it.  Let everything go and just be.”

            “Easier said than done,” I tell him.

            “I know,” Peeta replies with a kiss to my forehead.  “Look, they might still dictate our lives right now.   But they can’t control how we feel about each other.  Just remember that.”

            And I do. You would think that with all the pressure around us that we would be hindered in our intimacy.   But I find that that by letting go the opposite actually happens. Our lovemaking is more intense and frequent in the coming days than ever before.  Instead of pulling us apart, Peeta and I draw only closer together.  I guess the idea of separation makes us want to make each moment more special. Other than that, the days roll on. I hunt, and Peeta bakes.  We make memories and make love.

            We are almost happy, until the reality of our situation invades once more. We are sitting with the girls at lunch. They are all discussing the ups and downs of motherhood while Peeta and I listen. Sleepless nights and spitting up is all they can talk about at the moment. I know that we are both happy for them, and at the same time wishing for our own joy. Yet, we are also scared of the consequences if it doesn't happen.

            We are so lost in the conversation that we don't even notice until he is almost upon us the soldier that is heading our direction. He is tall, with a uniform not that of the battle forces, but the administration. A messenger, and one with a familiar object in his hands.

            Over the past months, we had seen the soldiers not every day, but often enough to know what their duty is. They are bringing the messages that someone has died in the line of duty for the rebellion. And now one of those soldiers is coming our way. He walks purposefully until he stands directly before our table. All three women with us begin to visibly shake.

            The man begins to speak, but before he does Peeta stands up to stop him. "Maybe I should take it," my husband calmly says.

            "I don't think that is proper protocol," the soldier protests.

            "I won't tell anyone." he offers.  "I'll make sure it's given to the right person." As always, Peeta’s way with words wins. The messenger hands the envelope over and leaves, obviously wanting to get out of there as fast as he can. Peeta takes a deep breath before opening the envelope. He takes a quick glance and I can see the look of sadness on his face at whatever the news is.

            Then, Peeta carefully walks around the table behind the girls. He finally stops in place.  "I'm so sorry Delly," he quietly states as he holds the message out to her. Tears immediately fall on her face as the rest of us are stunned in place, unable to move. After a moment, Johanna, Annie, and I finally get our heads on, and get up from the table. The three of us come over to Delly and comfort her. But before we can do anything, she stands up and silences us.

             "I have to go," she says abruptly. "I need to see Lila." Delly wipes her face and walks away from us, the tear stained message in her hand.

             The next days are filled with trying to assist our friend in her grief. We have a ceremony and bury Fred in an area above District 13 after his body is returned. We go to visit Delly every day at her compartments.  Since the news, she doesn't want to come out. We encourage her to eat and take care of herself, which I think she only complies with because her daughter needs her.

             Helping my friend takes my mind off my own situation, but in the back of my mind I know that the day is coming. One night as Peeta and I are talking together in the kitchen as we make dinner, the buzz of the door finally comes.  I look at my husband in fear and he immediately takes my hand.

             "No matter what. Okay?  Together." With me shaking, we get up and tentatively walk to the door as Peeta continues to try and calm me. As it opens, I see the four somber faces staring back at us. They don't waste time on pleasantries, because they know that it is pointless to try to make this any easier. Silently I go into the bedroom and quickly manage the needed tests.

             I sit on the bed waiting for what I know is only a couple of minutes, but what feels like hours. Finally, Dr. Aurelius picks up the pregnancy test and takes a look at it. As usual, he doesn't say a word, and this time his expression is unreadable. He walks slowly over to me and simply places the stick in my hands. I don't want to look. I don't want to face what it might be. But, I know I have to, so I finally will myself to open my eyes and look down.

            Only one line.

            It's negative.

Chapter Text

Peeta’s POV

“What’s going to happen if she is not pregnant?” I ask Haymitch nervously.  I am wringing my hands together in nervous anticipation as I wait for the results of my wife’s exam.  I have been doing this for every month for a year now. It has been difficult each time, but I know that this one is different.  Each visit Katniss goes through all the probing and prodding to see if we have made a baby, while I sit in the living on our couch.  It doesn’t seem like I do much, but my main role has been to catch her in the aftermath of all the negative results.  If that is the case now, though, there will be nothing I can do to ease the way for what is to come. 

We were told after the last exam that if Katniss is not pregnant by now, then those in charge here will declare our marriage unsuccessful and enforce consequences.  What those will be exactly, I don’t know. No matter what they decide to do to us it won’t be good. The worst of it is that if we don’t succeed now it will probably mean separation from my love one way or the other.

“I’m not exactly sure,” the old drunk tells me.  “You are one of the few couples in this position that I know of.  The leadership has been pretty tight lipped.”  He takes a breath, but continues, “All I know is that they will consider your marriage a failure at this point and will do something.  I haven’t heard anything about what is happening with the others in your position.”

“Is there anything you can do?” I plead.

“I’ll talk to them. Try to get you some choices in terms of the fallout.  I know how much you want to stay together, but I just don’t believe they will let that happen. The rebellion and repopulating the country is their priority. Coin is going to see it through to the end.”  He looks sad as he tells me this.  If I didn’t know any better, I might think Haymitch actually feels sorry for us.

I hear the door open then, and try to put on a hopeful smile as the doctor and his assistants come out of our bedroom.  Their faces show nothing. But as I see Katniss, I can no longer keep my face on.  I can tell she is fighting to keep it together and not let her tears show.   She locks eyes with me and I simply nod to let her know I understand what is happening.  Dr. Aurelius approaches me and shakes my hand before preparing to leave.

“We will have to share the results with the leadership.” he explains to us. 

“We understand.” I say as I place my arms around Katniss.  She feels like she could collapse at any moment.  With that the group exits, and I let go of her to ask Haymitch a last question.

“How long do we have?” I murmur so only he can hear.

“Not long, I imagine,” he whispers.  “I would make every moment count right now.  I’ll try to do anything I can to help.”

“Thank you, Haymitch.” I reply. The door then closes behind him and I turn back to my wife.  I walk over and take her by the waist to bring her close to me.  I begin kissing her on the forehead, then move to her nose, cheeks, and eventually lips.  Even through the tears that are flowing now, Katniss responds fervently.  I continue my assaulting kisses downward.

“I love you.  I love you. I love you.” I repeatedly whisper to her.  I take Haymitch’s message to heart and decide to make each minute special that we have left.  With each kiss the passion grows until we head into the bedroom and make love almost feverishly.

Later, in the afterglow, I lay there in the bed stroking her hair.  “I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

“It’s not your fault.” I tell her.

“I feel like it is,” she admits.

I sit up and make Katniss look at me.  “Believe me, it’s not.  I don’t blame you.  For all we know, it could be me.  If anything, I blame Coin and her cronies for putting us in this position.  It’s wrong.  I wish they would just leave us alone.  Let us make our own choices for once.”  I lay back on the pillows in my anger.  Katniss doesn’t respond with any words, but just kisses me again.  It’s her way of showing me her love through actions.  We spend another hour there on the bed continuing to explore and caress each other’s bodies.

When we finally break apart, it is by now the middle of the night.  I get out of the bed and head over to my dresser.  I have been keeping something hidden from Katniss there and it was time to finally give it to her.  I retrieve a small box and walk back over to place it in front of where Katniss is laying down.  She looks at it quizzically.

“What is this?” she asks.

“A present for you,” I answer.  “Happy Anniversary.”  I watch her face as she realizes what the date is.  Today we have been married for exactly one year. Tears again threaten to spill down her face for about the hundredth time today, and she just sits there for a minute or two lost in her emotions.  

“Open it,” I finally encourage her with a small smile.  Katniss picks up the box and opens the lid.  She looks in to find a small locket necklace that I had bought a few weeks ago.  It’s a small silver heart that contains the only picture of the two of us that we have. The officials had taken it the day we got married.  In the photograph we are looking at each other. You can tell that although we look look a little scared and nervous, at the same time there is softness in our gazes.

After gazing at the gift for a moment or two, Katniss closes the locket and turns it over to find the other surprise.  She runs her thumb over the engraving where it says Always.  I can see her tears flowing freely now.

“It’s beautiful,” she says. “How in the world did you get it?”

“I was able to find a group from District 1 who was willing to do some trading,” I explain.  “They had some jewelry that was saved from the destruction, and I found this among the pieces.  I was able to give them some of my drawings in exchange for it and the engraving.”

“Oh Peeta,” my wife exclaims softly.  I gently take the necklace out of her hands and place it around her neck.  Then, I lean back to gaze at her and smile.

“I wish I had something for you,” Katniss says regretfully as she touches the metal heart that sits almost exactly above her real one.  “I didn’t even think about it with all that has been going on.  Dates don’t seem to matter much here.”

I try to put her mind at ease.  “You’ve been through a lot, Katniss.  I didn’t expect anything. Really.”  She still looks upset, so I come up with an idea that I hope will work. Although I have no idea how she will react to the request.  “But…if you really want, there is something you can give me.”

Her eyebrows perk up in curiosity.  “Oh?  And what’s that?”

“Would you…sing for me?” I hesitantly ask.  As far as I know Katniss has not sung for many years.  I think she stopped around the time her father died.  I’m pretty sure there is a connection there.  So, I know I am asking a lot of her to begin again now.

She has a thoughtful look on her face for a moment, but soon enough takes my hands in hers.  I am stunned as for the first time in years I hear that amazing voice.  And I find that it is not just any song she is singing, but The Valley Song.  The tune that made me lose my heart to her long ago.  It is still the most beautiful thing that I have ever heard.  When Katniss finishes, the last note hangs in air.  She is breathing deeply, obviously relieved to have gotten through it.

“Thank you,” I tell her. 

“You’re welcome,” she replies with a kiss.  “I never thought anyone would ever get me to do something like that again.  It always made me think of him.”  She looks off wistfully in the distance.  “Thank you for asking.  It was nice singing again.  I felt like my father was with me somehow.”

“I’m sure he was.” I answer.  “The song was beautiful.”

She smiles.  “Happy Anniversary Peeta.”

I return her smile with my own.  With that, I take her in my arms and we lay back down in the bed.  Do we sleep?  Not really.  We pass the hours of the night alternating between whispered affections, kissing, and eventually more lovemaking.  We don’t talk about the impending consequences that await us, but just relish the moments we are given together this night.

All too soon, we find out that the leadership wastes no time.  The buzz at the door comes promptly at six in the morning.  I look into those beautiful grey eyes there in front of me that are full of fear and sadness.  I kiss her forehead, and slowly rise to be able to get out of the bed.  Katniss follows suit and we silently get dressed.  We open the door, and they are there.  The three grey uniformed officials who had threatened us that first month and Haymitch.  I can tell from his pained face that this will not be good.

“Good morning,” is all I can say.  I seriously wonder how I can stand to still be civil at a time like this, but I still move to allow the group in.

They walk inside and do not even bother with pleasantries.  “We were informed last night of your situation by Dr. Aurelius,” the obvious leader states.  “We are deeply concerned to hear that you still have not been able to conceive.  As important as our repopulation program is to us, we must do what is best to ensure its success.  Therefore, the leadership have no choice but to declare your marriage a failure and take action immediately.”

I don’t want to, but find that I finally have to ask.  “And what action has been planned for us?”

“First, as of today your marriage will be dissolved,” the female of the group says without emotion.

Katniss speaks up.  “But, we want to stay married!” she pleads with the woman.  “Can’t we just have some more time?”

“You were given a year,” she states coldly.  “Most of the couples who were matched the same day you were are already expecting. Some have even given birth in that time.  We are in desperate need to repopulate and simply don’t have more time to give you.”

“So, you force us to get married when we don’t want to.  You tell us when to have a physical relationship and conceive as soon as possible.  The government has dictated every part of our lives. In spite of that, we built a relationship.”  I stop to take a deep breath. “And now after we have actually fallen in love, you want to divorce us.” I am now speaking completely out of fear and anger.  “When do we get a say in our own lives?”

The official continues to stand firm.  “I’m afraid this is what is happening whether you like it or not.  We must ensure our survival and win the war.  I am only here to enforce the decision to dissolve your marriage and reassign you.”  I am shocked at the coldness of this woman.  I try to take a moment to bring down my heated emotions.

“Reassigned to where?” I ask a little more calmly.

“Well, that is to be your decision,” the official smiles.  She is obviously thinking that in giving us this we should be thrilled.  “Mr. Abernathy here was opposed to separating you at all. After our decision, he convinced the leadership that you should at least be given a choice in your new assignment.”

“And what choice is that?” Katniss asks.

The third official finally speaks up.  “You may choose between joining our soldiers in the districts who are fighting, or be paired with a new partner in the hope that you will have a better chance at conceiving.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.  These are choices?  Neither one is tempting.  Katniss is stunned silent.  I don’t necessarily want to go into the war and possible death, but the thought of having to be married to someone else is absolutely unthinkable.  How could I possibly do that to Katniss after everything we have been through this past year?

It doesn’t take me long to answer.  “I’ll join the forces,” I tell them.

“No!” Katniss immediately screams.  She grabs my hand almost painfully. “No, you can’t go fight.  I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you died out there.  Be matched with someone else.  At least I would know you were alive. You would have another chance for a family.”  She looks pained as she says that last statement. “Please, Peeta.  Don’t go.”  My beautiful wife looks directly at me, practically begging me with her eyes.

If nothing else, I don’t have the strength to fight her. I let out a sigh.  “Alright.  Reassign us to new partners, then.”  I say, resigned to my fate.

“Very good,” the first official states with a nod of approval.  “There is only one thing more.  Both of you will need to sign this document terminating your marriage.”  He sits a piece of paper on the kitchen table in front of us.  I glance at Katniss. Neither one of us can make a move to do it.  Tense minutes pass before she finally gives in and grabs the pen to sign.  As she drops the pen on the table she is visibly crying.  It pains me to see it.  I put my arm around her, and then pick up the pen to scrawl my name quickly before throwing it down.

The female official picks the paper up and looks it over.  She determines that it is good and nods again.  “Okay.  Mr. Mellark, you will come with us now.  We will take you to your new quarters and come back later for Miss Everdeen.”

I look at them in disgust. “You’re not even going to let us say goodbye?”

The officials take glances at each other, and then look back at me.  “Three minutes, Mr. Mellark.  That is all.  We will be waiting outside for you.”  They all file out and I turn to the teary eyed woman in front of me.

“Katniss, are you sure about this?  I don’t want to be with anyone else.  I want you.  If I go fight and we win the war there might be a chance we could be together again.”  I am trying everything to make her see the reason of this.

“No, Peeta.  You could be killed out there, and I would never be able to survive that.  At least knowing you’re alive I could go on.  You could be with someone who would be able t give you a baby. You deserve that.”  She lifts up her head a little then.  “It’s okay.  I promise.”  Katniss comes into my arms and I just hold her there.

“Just remember. No matter what, in my heart, you are my wife.  Always.”  I raise up her chin so that I could look her in the eyes  

“Always,” she repeats in a whisper.  We stand there just staring at each other for a moment, before all of the sudden the two of us crash together in a mind-blowing kiss.

“I love you,” I tell her softly as my lips reluctantly leave hers. 

“I love you too.”  We continue to hold each other until the woman calls out. “Three minutes is over.  Time to go.”

We know we have to part. Neither of us wants to.  In agony, I start to let go. Slowly. We continue to touch until we are only connected by the fingertips.  I can feel her shaking as I finally pull away, and then turn around to go out.  I walk out the door to find the group waiting for me.  They begin leading down the hallway, and I follow.  Just before I come to a corner, I turn around one last time to look back and see Katniss in the doorway.  I touch my hand to my heart, and in return she places her hand lovingly upon the locket.  When I reach the corner, I finally turn and face forward when I can’t see her anymore.

The walk seems to take forever, but pretty soon I realize that they are taking me back to the single compartments where I had lived when I first arrived in District 13.  They check me in at the administration desk there, and escort me to S-265.  My new home, I guess.  I am told that all of my belongings would be brought to me before the end of the day.  I was also to report to my new work duty in the kitchens first thing in the morning.

“Finally,” the official continues, “we highly recommend that you do not attempt to see Miss Everdeen again.  It would be best for you both if you began to adapt to your new situations.  We will be in contact with you as soon as we have a new partner for you.”

I have every intention of trying to find Katniss, but I politely answer.  “I understand.”  With that, they mercifully tale their leave and I get to look around my new rooms.  Afterward, I slump onto the couch and place my head in my hands.  Everything I hold close has been taken from me. My family killed by the Capitol, and now Katniss by this government.  My emotions finally get the best of me as tears that had been threatening since yesterday finally come.  This goes on for quite a while before I have not more tears to give. Exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep there on the couch.

The next morning, my internal alarm clock as always wakes me up. It takes me a minute to remember what had happened and that I am alone and not with Katniss.  I already miss her warmth and closeness.  Slowly, I wash up, dress, and head to the kitchens.  I report for duty with the head cook Chaff, a large man with only one hand from District 11. He sets me to bake the first loaves of the day.  I mindlessly work the dough for the next few hours. When he comes by, I know that Chaff is impressed with my work.  He nods his head and lets me continue on, and even tries to engage me in conversation.

“Good work there kid,”’ he tells me.  “You’ve obviously done this before.”

“Yeah, thanks.”  I know I should be friendlier to the man, but for once I am not in the mood for talking.

“Boy, you sound really excited to be here,” The sarcasm in his voice tells me that Chaff notes my lack of happiness in my situation.

I stop kneading dough and look at him.  “I’m sorry.”  I run my hand through my hair in frustration.  “It’s nothing against you or being in the kitchens.  I just...would rather be somewhere else.”

“Or maybe with someone else?” the man winks at me.  I glare at him in surprise.

“How did you?” I ask.

“I’m drinking buddies with Abernathy,” Chaff explains.  “He came by and told me last night to expect you and that you might not be in the best of moods.  I guess the old devil was right.”

“Did he tell you about my…situation?” I am curious about how much Haymitch might have told him.

“Not a lot,” he replies.  “He said you might need some time to adjust, but that overall you were a good kid.”

 “That’s big of him.  I just wished he could have done more to help me.” I say wistfully.

“Why don’t you tell old Chaff about it then?”  He grabs some drinks and we sit down while I tell him all that occurred in the past year leading up to my appearing in his kitchen.  I had to admit it felt better to share everything with someone. 

When I was done with my tale, the head cook gave a pat on the back.  “Look, don’t give up.  She’s still out there, and one day when this ugly mess is over you can hopefully find her again.  Just keep that in mind.”  He gets up from his chair, gives me a smirk, then says goodnight as he walks out the door. 

  I finish up then head to my own quarters where once again I simply lay down on the bed and fall asleep in exhaustion.

This same routine is how I pass my days in my new accomodations.  I bake, and then each evening, return to my rooms to sleep after chatting with Chaff.  He’s about the only person I do talk to.  Except for that first night where I revealed my heart to him, I don’t give him too many more details about my life.  Our conversations are usually limited to topics related to food.  I don’t try to make any other friends or even attempt to eat with anyone.  Instead, I just usually find a table to myself. 

The only activity I do outside of work is watching the nightly news broadcasts.  I continue to take note of the casualty lists and know that both Gale and Finnick are still alive.  The fighting has been intense in District 2, which throughout the war has been the most loyal to the Capitol.  According to the reports, though, the rebel forces are slowly making headway now. It looks like the Nut, their main fortification, is expected to fall sometime in the next few weeks. 

After my first week alone, I decide it’s time to try and see if I can contact Katniss.  On a Tuesday I get a day off from work assignment. As soon as I am dressed I head over to the entrance of the married complex.  The guards are manning the desk along with what looks to be an administrator.  I walk up calmly to them.

“May I please see Katniss Everdeen?” I ask. I use her maiden name as I am sure they have already changed it.  The female official types on her computer, checks the screen, and then looks up at me.

“I’m sorry, but no one by that name lives in this zone,” she tells me.  I don’t give away any emotion, but I have to admit that I am not surprised.  The officials who had come to our quarters mentioned that they would come back for Katniss after they had settled me. So, I am fairly positive now that they moved her like they did me.  The question is, where?  The only logical answer I have is that they might have let her go back to living with her mother and Prim.

Under that assumption, I then walk over to the family area of compartments and go through the same procedure I did before.  This time, though, after checking the computer for information, I see the male official look at me suspiciously.

“May I ask who is wanting to visit with her?” he asks with raised eyebrow.

“I do,” I reply without giving away too much detail.

“I’m afraid my notes say that only family are allowed to come into the zone to visit.  Security, you know?  Are you a family member of Miss Everdeen?”  He looks me over with s sneer that tells me he know the answer already.

I could try to lie, but I don’t see that getting me anywhere but into more trouble.  “I understand,” I tell him and walk away before he can question me any further.  Heading back to my own rooms I dig inside my head trying to figure out another way.  I finally think about her work and decide that I might be able to talk to her above ground during one of her hunts.

The next free morning I have, I go up the transport tube to the surface around the time I remember that Katniss usually went to work.  I make it up to the top and walk to where the group’s usual meeting place was.  I see a few people gathered around. Some are making snares, and others getting knives and spears ready.    I watch the activity for about twenty minutes with no luck. 

I have just about decided to walk away and leave when I see her.  Katniss is in her usual grey pants uniform and her braid is long down her back.  She looks thin, but otherwise well.  She leans down to pick up her bow and arrows out of the supplies. As she comes back up her eyes lock with mine.  She gives a small gasp of surprise at seeing me, and then that beautiful smile of hers overtakes her face.  I make a motion to her to come over to me, but Katniss shakes her head and points over to the right.  I turn my eyes to see armed soldiers watching over the entire group.  I nod in understanding and press two fingers to my lips and raise them up in the air towards her.  She mouths something that looks like “Love you,” and then repeats my gesture.  Katniss then turns to follow the group as they leave the area.

I feel some relief at this interaction.  At least I got to see her and know she is okay.  I can try again on another day to try and get closer.   I would give anything to be able to speak to my wife.  I go back to the quarters feeling the best I have since we separated.  The feeling does not last long though.  The next day, exactly two weeks after I had been sent here, I get a notice from the leadership.

               Dear Mr. Mellark,

We are pleased to inform you that we have been able to select for you a new partner.  You are asked to be present in the Population Registrar’s Office on Saturday next at 9 AM to be married.  We hope that this union will ultimately be successful in helping with the rebuilding of our people.  We look forward to seeing you at the ceremony.

               It’s brief and to the point. The thought of what they are making me do has me feel like throwing up.  I still don’t know how I could possibly do this.  Katniss wanted this because she could assure herself that I would be alive.  But, what would that life be without her?  Nothing.  I spend the whole night lying in bed thinking on the situation, and get no answers.

               The next week passes quickly.  I have to work most days, even though two of them I’m not slated to begin until 10.  Because of this, I head up to the surface and am able to catch glimpses of Katniss again.  Each time she gives me a sign of her love, but also lets me know that she continues to be watched.  There is no way we can talk.  I want to tell her what will be happening.  I need to let her know that I am being forced to marry again. But I never get the chance.

               Saturday arrives faster than I would ever want it to.  I slowly rise out of bed, dreading what lies ahead of me.  I wash and get dressed in the same clean shirt and pants that I had married Katniss in.  It’s still the only nice clothes I possess.  The irony of it doesn’t escape me.  A little before nine, I ride down to the main administrative offices of the district and find the door labeled Population Registrar.  I open it to see a small group of people gathered there.  Three of the usual grey uniformed officials, Haymitch, and a young girl.  I am sure Abernathy is there to ensure I go through with this charade.  That’s all it really is, after all.  I look at the girl the leadership has so graciously selected for me.  The girl is shaking, and I can tell she is scared to death.  She more than likely just turned eighteen.  She has blonde with blue eyes like me, although both are darker than my shades.

               Haymitch is the first to note my entrance and walks over to me.  “You made it.  I wasn’t sure if you would.”

               “Yeah,” I reply.  “I’m here.  Do I have a choice?”

               “Not much,” he answers.  “The girl’s name is Serena.  From District 8.  Just turned eighteen two weeks ago.” So, I was right.  I look over and feel terrible for the poor girl even younger than I am who obviously does not want this.  I know that Katniss was feeling the same thing a year ago, but with that strength she has was definitely able to hide it better.

               I take tentative steps towards Serena and gently take her hand.  The officials take this as a sign to begin, so they pick up some pieces of paper and begin the ceremony. 

“Do you, Peeta Mellark…”  As they speak, I feel this girl in front of me start shaking uncontrollably in my hands.  As I stand there gazing into her fearful eyes, I know that there is no way I can do this.  It’s not right for me, nor for her.

               “I’m sorry.” I quickly say to her before dropping her hand and going to Haymitch. 

“I’ll be a soldier.  Send me to the fighting.” I tell him.

               “What?” He is obviously shocked at what I am doing.  “Are you sure about this kid?”

               “Yes, I am.” I say with every bit of the resolve I feel.  “I can’t marry this girl or anyone else.  I love Katniss.  No matter what these people have made us sign or do, she is my wife.  I am not going be with some other girl that Coin decides is right for me.  For once I’m going to make a decision about my life.  I’m going to fight. Not for Coin, but because winning the war is the only way I might get to be with Katniss again.”

               “Be careful what you say around here, boy.” the older man whispers in warning.  “Coin is looking to take over Panem when we win the war.  That’s why she is running all these programs. So that when Snow is defeated and we are building a new government she will be in power.  Her plan is when the time comes to get the people to think that she has saved us all.  She won’t appreciate hearing you say negative things like that.”

               “I don’t care,” I answer.  “When the time comes, Coin is not going to get my vote.  Besides, I am going into the war.  That was one of the choices I was given and I could die anyway.  That should make her and the leadership happy enough.”

“Alright, alright,” Haymitch puts his hands up in defeat.  “But what about your sweetheart?  She didn’t want you to go if I remember correctly.”

He’s right about that.  “Then don’t tell her.” I decide.  “Let her think that I am still here.  She won’t worry that way.”  I walk over to the official’s table and ask for a piece of paper and pen.  Even in their state of shock at my actions they manage to give me some.  I take a few minutes to write a letter as heartfelt as I feel at this moment.  When I am done, I head back to Haymitch and hold out the paper towards him.

“Here.” I instruct as he takes it from me. “If anything does happen to me, then you can give Katniss this.”  The so called mentor looks it over quickly.

“Okay,” he concedes.  “Go now.  There is a transport heading out in twenty minutes to take a batch of recruits to the training barracks in District 6.  You better get on it.  I’ll deal with the rest.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, and turn around to immediately head towards the transport tubes.  They take me up to the surface and I walk around until I find the landing pads.  I see a hovercraft on one of them and a line of boys and men in uniforms getting in.  I quietly join the end of the line and wait my turn.  When I approach the soldier who is checking off names, I give him mine. He looks down but obviously doesn’t see it on his list.

“I’m a last minute recruit,” I tell him.  The man calls in for help on his communicuff and must get a reliable answer, because he allows me to board.  Haymitch must have somehow let them know I would be joining the group.  I enter the craft and find a seat next to a large blonde haired brute of a guy.  I don’t say anything but sit down and get strapped in.

I’m doing this for us, Katniss.  I hope you will understand someday.  My thoughts continue to be of her, as I begin to doze and the hovercraft lifts off to carry me away.

Chapter Text

Katniss POV

All I could do was stare at the blank white wall in front of me as I sat on the couch. The only sound is the clock ticking, but I don't really take notice of it. My mind is in a daze after what I just experienced.

They have forced Peeta and me to separate. And now my husband has been taken so that he can be given to some other girl. Someone who could give him the future that I have not been able to.  Thinking about it makes me feel sick.  Peeta wanted to go into the war as a soldier instead. But if it is a choice between him being dead or alive but with someone else, then I will take the latter.

The tears silently stream down my face as I continue to wait. When they took Peeta away, the officials had said that they would eventually come back for me. The passing moments feel like agony. I should find something to keep me busy until they return, but would that really help? I already miss him so much it hurts. You never know how much someone becomes a part of you until they’re gone. 

I touch my precious locket and my fingers hold on to it as a way to keep myself together. My breathing is heavy, but at least the feel of the cool metal heart calms me. I raise the pendant to look at the back. Always. Peeta's promise to me. I rub my thumb over the engraving, and keep doing so repeatedly until I hear the familiar buzz. They have returned.

I let out a breath and slowly get up and walk to the door. It opens, and the same grey uniformed trio that had been here earlier is once more in front of me. "Ms. Everdeen, are you ready to go?" the woman asks in that cold tone of hers.

"Where are you taking me? Am I being reassigned a new partner as well?" I ask sharply. I am curious as to what my fate will be.

"Well, you do have a choice," she tells me. "You are not being reassigned right now, as there is a lack of eligible males to pair you with.”  I give a little sigh of relief at this news. “But, we have heard of your immense skills with a bow and arrow. We could most definitely use you in our cause to win the war if you decide to join our forces. Or if you would like, you can continue to stay in Thirteen and be of service by providing food for our populace. We leave the decision to you."  They silently watch me as I now have to make up my mind.

I think about the choices. Going to the war or staying here. I would gladly go and fight to finally bring down the Capitol and the regime of President Snow. But what about those I love? Just as I couldn't bear to let Peeta go, he would never forgive himself if anything happened to me. Plus, my mother and Prim would be crushed. I am of the opinion that I can be of better use if I stay here and help with hunting.

"I choose to continue to live in District Thirteen," I say to the official. She gives a lop-sided smile.

"Very good, Miss Everdeen" the woman affirms. "You are welcome to return to the family units of the district and rejoin your mother and sister if you so choose."

I nod. "Yes, that's where I want to go." I tell them.

The leader motions for me to move.  "Follow us. Don't worry about your things. We will make sure that they are brought to you later today." The three then turn and lead me out of the compartments. I follow them sluggishly with head down, only once turning back.  I want to take a quick look at the place that was never really mine, but in some strange way it was where I was happy. I wanted to ingrain those happy memories in my mind one last time. I am completely overwhelmed with emotion, but I know that I can’t let these people see me cry.

We walk out of the married zone and towards the family complex. They check me in at the administrative desk there. I am then led up the transport tubes. We finally get to a very familiar doorway and they press the button. Soon enough my mother and sister answer the door. One look at my red rimmed eyes and the concern is immediately etched on their faces.  Although they have no idea what has happened, they can tell whatever it was is not good. The officials explain that I will now once more be living with them.  With that they quickly leave.

Once alone, my emotions let out and I fall into my mother’s arms.  “Oh, Mommy,” I cry.

"Katniss, sweetheart. It’s okay. .Come in.  Tell us what happened." I manage to walk inside the doorway and Prim comes over so that they are both hugging me tightly.  All I can do is cry into my mother’s shoulder.

"katniss, what happened? Where is Peeta?" Prim finally asks.

"Peeta’s gone.” I tell them and they gasp in shock.  “I'm still not pregnant, so the leadership decided that the marriage isn't working. And today, after we have actually fallen in love in spite of being forced together, they made us sign a paper separating us. They took Peeta somewhere so that he can be reassigned to a new "wife" who would be more able to have a baby." I can't help but let the tears flow now.

"Oh honey, I am so sorry," my mother says while running her hand through my hair.

"Me too, Katniss," Prim adds. "I think it's horrible what they have put you through. Is there anything that you can do to change it?"

I shake my head. "Not that I can think of. They seemed pretty decisive."

"Well," my mother states, "all we can hope is that the rebels win this war. And that when the Capitol is no longer in control, the new government will allow you and Peeta to be together again."

"One can hope." I say this more for her benefit than mine, because I don't really believe it. If Peeta is made to marry someone else, even if the war is won, he wouldn't be free. There is no way he would just up and leave someone like that, even if he had the opportunity to do so.  He could never hurt anyone in that way.  So I know that the chances of us getting back together are slim indeed.

In my quiet state, Mom and Prim decide to leave me. Instinctively, I go to the room that was mine when I first arrived here and reclaim it. I sit on the bed, letting all the feelings and emotions of the day overtake me. Within a few minutes the exhaustion wins and I am fully asleep.

Prim wakes me up at some point.  “Dinner is ready,” she quietly calls. dinner is ready.

“You go ahead and start.  I’m not hungry.” I say. I don't want to eat. All I want is to just lay here in the bed. My sister decides not to fight me on this and leaves. I once again fall into a deep sleep that is the only place I don't feel the pain.

I am awakened by a sharp feeling on my arm. From the clock, it seems that I have slept about 12 hours and it is now morning.  I look where the searing feeling is and discover they have given me a full daily schedule. It's as if nothing had even happened and it's just another day. If I didn’t before, I know now that those in the leadership are truly unfeeling. I desperately want to just stay here and not go anywhere, but I will not be able to hide forever. Also, working means getting into the woods and hunting. This is something I can do without too much thought. And a place where I can start to put myself back together.

With new determination, I slowly get up and put on the grey coveralls that as promised had been brought to my new quarters. I brush my hair, splash some water on my face, and head into the kitchen. Both my mother and sister are already there.

"Decided to get up and face the day?" my mother questions.

"Looks like I don’t have much of a choice.” I answer.  I show her the markings on my arm.  “I guess I might as well get out in the world now as opposed to later. Besides, being in the woods will feel good.  It will help and hunting will keep my mind occupied." I sit down at the table with them.

Mother understands and places a bowl of oatmeal in front of me. I eat it greedily as I am starving from my lack of nutrition the previous day. When I am done, I give both of them a hug. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome." Prim says. "You're hurting. Of course we want to help."

"You have just by letting me come back," I say.  And then I leave them with a kiss to head to work detail. I place my perfected fake smile on so that I won't get too many questions from the others in my group. I receive my assignment and head out with my gear. Once in the woods, I breathe in the air and feel at least in some way at peace. My equilibrium is returning.  I hunt and am able to eventually find enough game of squirrels and rabbits to take back.

I go back smiling, though. Not only because the hunt was good, but because during my time I also found some purpose. Forgetting what the officials had said, I am going to try and find Peeta and see him. At least talk to him to make sure he is okay.  I need to know that he is safe.

As I walk back through the underground zones, I start by going back to the married complexes. That was the last place I saw him, and for all I know they could have married Peeta to another girl as quickly as they did us. I go to the desk and give my name.

"I would like to see Peeta Mellark." I tell her.

The working official types in a computer and lets me know that he is not in that zone. Okay. So that meant that they have not partnered him to anyone else yet. I then try to see if I can talk to my friends.  I want to tell them about what has happened.

"What about Johanna Mason, Annie Odair, and Delly Westing? Could I see them?" I inquire again. Once more there is a tapping at the keyboard.

"Miss Everdeen. You are not listed with any of those names as a family member, so I am afraid I can't let you through. I'm sorry." Frustration builds within me at the thought that I cannot even go in to see the girls. This is getting worse by the minute.

Unfazed, though, I make a decision to head to the singles compartments anyway. I ask the same question of the administrative official there. The good news I get is that he tells me that Peeta does indeed live in that particular section of compartments.  The bad news is I am not granted access to see him.

"We have instructions here saying that you are not to be given a pass to see Mr. Mellark. Leadership orders." the official says.  I am crushed, but I should not be surprised by now. I guess I have got to find another way. I head home defeated for now. Mom and Prim are there with their continuing sympathetic looks.

Over the next days, it is the routine that gets me through. There is the daily work in the woods, and the expectation that somehow I can see Peeta again. Although I try to think of some way that I can get to him, each idea is shot down as impossible, impractical, or downright dangerous. Written messages are always previewed before given to their receiver, so anything I would write to Peeta would be stopped. When the soldier guards are around, I am constantly watched. Each night the loneliness becomes more and more unbearable, and the only hope is the locket I have around my neck and the promise it carries.

Finally, it has been around two weeks since my separation from Peeta when I finally see him. I am preparing to hunt for the day.  I lean down to grab my equipment, and as I am coming up I spy a crop of curly blonde hair in the distance among some bushes. As my eyes attempt to focus on the details of the face, I then see gleaming blue eyes and the kindest of smiles. From the relieved look on his face, I can tell that Peeta must have been looking for me, too. Probably with as much luck as I have had. I smile as brightly as I can back at him. He looks healthy and well.

Peeta motions for me to come over to him. I take a quick look around and see the guards not too far away from where I stand. There is no way that I could escape their notice. I shake my head and point to them. Peeta understands. I mouth I love you to him and he reponds by placing his fingers to his lips. There is nothing more I can do here in this situation, so with one last glance I turn away and join the group to search for food.

After the encounter, I am not in a mood to hunt anymore, and it shows in how little I am able to shoot down. The officials notice and are curious at my unusual take for the day.  But they don’t take any action about it. I hurry back to my rooms, and let Mom and Prim know what happened.

"I saw Peeta!" I practically shout coming in the door out of breath.

My sister is full of excitement. "Oh that’s wonderful! Were you able to talk to him? Is he okay?"

"Well," I answer, "I didn't get to talk to him.  I only saw him for a minute. There were too many guards for me to get close, but he looked good."

"There's just got to be some way for you two to get back together." Prim has that thoughtful yet determined look on her face.

"I've tried little duck, but there isn’t any place where we can be alone together. We are being watched like hawks and they are not letting us get anywhere near each other.  If you have any ideas, please, let me know. Because I'm fresh out." I watch Prim as she thinks for a while, but ends up shaking her head.

"The only thing I can think of right now is that maybe he’ll come back tomorrow. You can arrive there early before everyone else." I tell my sister that it is an absolutely brilliant idea and spend the rest of the evening almost giddy. There just might be a chance it could work.

In the morning, I get cleaned up and dressed quickly and rush out to the meeting area above ground. No one is there, and I look all around, quietly calling out Peeta's name. But, I do not see anyone nor get any response to my calls. Eventually, the others begin to arrive for work and I give up the idea of him coming today. 

The battle was lost, but not the war. Because each day after that, I continue the same process. Hoping each time I arrive that Peeta will be there.  I catch a glimpse of him twice in the following week, but it is always after the guards have arrives.  I only ever get the chance to wave or blow a kiss. 

The next week, he doesn’t appear at all. I wait and wait as long as I can every day, but Peeta never comes.  Finally, after what seems like the longest week of my life, I come to the conclusion that something must have happened. I know Peeta would have taken the chance to come and see me by now.

I take all my emotions out on my mother.  "Either someone found out he was trying to see me and stopped him, he is working all the time, or he has a new wife." I say the last part with difficulty, because believing that would break my heart. "It must be one of those because I know he would have been there otherwise. I know Peeta. Something is keeping him away." I just lay my head on the table in frustration.

My mother pats my hand. "I know sweetheart. I know. Losing the one you love hurts more than anything. Don't give up hope yet." I am shocked by this last statement.  Especially coming from her.

"Like you did?" I said hesitantly.

"Yes," she says with the guilt etched upon her face. "I gave up hope and it cost me time with you girls. I missed so much by not being there for you.”  She takes my hands into her own.  That’s why you can’t give up on your life. You have to find something to cling onto."

I take her words to heart, because they come from deep experience.  At the same time, I have no idea what there is for me to cling to. I sigh with a nod as I go with Mother and Prim to watch the nightly news. The word from District 2 is that the forces are slowly beginning to move on and work towards District 1, the last to conquer before invading the Capitol. The leadership is confident that this will be an easier time than it was in two, but I think they underestimate the district because it is known for luxury. The people there may be spoiled, but they are well trained. People need to remember that they were Careers, as well.  I hope Coin and her cronies don't underestimate them. Of course, like each news program, they end the day with the latest happy news in the repopulation efforts here.

"And now, citizens, here are the latest announcements of births, pregnancies, and marriages in our wonderful program administered by President Coin." I roll my eyes as I watch the screen. Names scroll by, none that really seem familiar. That is, until they reach the list of marriages when I see the words Peeta Mellark, District 12 to marry Serena Beauregard, District 8 tomorrow.

“No!” I gasp place my hand to my mouth. Prim and Mom both turn towards me and put arms around my shoulders.  I know they are trying to comfort me, but I can’t take it right now.  I need to be alone.  I gently move from them, stand up, and just walk silently into my room.  As soon as the door is locked, I fall to the floor, crying in the dark until there are no tears left and I am too exhausted to do anything but sleep.

This continues on for days. I barely manage to make it through them. I am somehow able to continue to work, but don't ever get much game. My heart just isn't in it. I don't eat much, even when my mother puts my favorite foods like lamb stew in front of me. Each day I feel weaker and sick, but still I push away more food.

By the following weekend, I don’t feel like I can move at all, and get up only to head to the toilet and throw up. Other than that, I stay in bed the entire day. Prim tries to entertain me by playing cards together, which does help me feel a little better by the evening.

But the next morning the nausea hits again, and once more I don't' want to eat or even get up out of the bed. Mom and Prim are both worried and hover over me like hens. I manage to make it to the living room by nighttime and sit on the couch. My eyes are puffy, and after hours of trying to convince me to eat, I finally manage to keep some soup down. I haven’t been there long when I head back into my room, though, with only my thoughts to keep me company. This is not a good thing. I begin crying for what must be like the thousandth time and keep on doing so throughout most of the night.

When I am sick for a third morning, my mother has finally had it. "Katniss, something is really wrong. This shouldn't be happening."

"I'm sorry, Mom." I plead. "I think I'm just making myself sick by not sleeping and eating. I probably just need to get out for a walk. Try to get some sunshine or something." Mom gives a huff, but she and Prim reluctantly go up with me to the edge of the woods and walk for about half an hour with me. It actually feels so good that I am convinced I was right.

"See?" I tell them both when we return. "I feel fine now. Let's eat some lunch, okay? I just need to get back into the routine. Give me some time."  They reluctantly give in to my pleas.

I do well for the rest of the day, and therefore am actually surprised myself when I wake up the following morning and run straight to the restroom. My mother comes in with her hand on her hip. "Ready to talk now?" she asks. I nod.

"Okay, you are vomiting every day. Any other symptoms?" she asks.

"Only in the morning." I reply.

"What?" she says.

"The nausea. It's only in the morning really." I say this as a simple fact, but the look on Mother's face tells me that she has an idea in mind.

"Katniss," she says slowly, "when was your last cycle?"

"My cycle?" I question. Why is she asking me about that? I think about it. "Well, I had one about a week or so before Peeta and I were separated, and then I…" All of a sudden her intent dawns on me. "Oh my."

"How long has it been?" she asks.

"Seven, maybe close to eight weeks since then?" I answer. Mother just nods and goes into another room. She returns a minute or so later.

"I had one of these in the stash of medical supplies I have. With the program in place we use a lot of them. Here. Take it," she commands me as she holds out a very familiar box.

I take it as my mother leaves to give me privacy. I quickly do the necessary business. I head out into the living room to join Mother again and place the stick on a table.   We wait together, and she holds my hand as we sit there. It is warm and comforting. The couple of minutes needed pass and my mother makes a motion for me to look at it.

“Go ahead,” she ancourages.

I take up the stick and check the results. Two lines. I am pregnant.

"But, that's impossible," I say with my eyes still locked on the test. "I tested negative just the day before they took him away. I mean we only had that night…" Once again my sentence trails off. That night. We made love that night afterwards. Multiple times. That is must have been when it happened.

"We must have conceived that last night." I admit.

My mother does not judge, but just continues to get her facts.  "So, that was about what," she looks thoughtful, "six weeks ago?"

I nod my head. It's almost too much to take in. "What am I going to do Mom?"

"Tell the leadership," she states as if the answer is simple.

"Where would that get me?" I reply. "Just a pat on the back and a good luck to you, if not worse. There is no telling what they would do if they find out."

"They might decide to let you be with Peeta now," she suggests.

"No," I argue, "not when they just married him off to someone else. How would that look?  They wouldn’t just drag him away from his new wife.”  I breathe for a moment in all my emotion.  “No. I'm on my own on this one. I don't think I can tell anyone."

"Are you sure? You won’t be able to hide it forever," she states.

"I know," I reply, "but I can try for as long as I can. With Peeta married, they shouldn’t care about me too much right now. So they probably won't be watching too closely anymore."

My mother senses my resolve in this.  "Alright, Katniss. You know I'll help you in any way I can. Shouldn't you tell Peeta at least?"

"How can I?" I ask. "They aren't letting me talk to him, and now he has a new wife. It would just make it harder for him. It's better if he doesn't know.”  I stand up. “Like I said, I'm on my own."

"Okay," she finally relents. "I'll go get you something to ease your stomach.  Why don’t you go take a rest."

 I walk back into my room and lay down on the bed.  I place my hand lightly on my abdomen where I now know a new life is forming. I know what my purpose is now. The hope that I will cling onto.

"Hey there, little one,” I speak to my unborn child. “This is your mommy. I want you to know that you were created out of love, and I am going to do everything I can to protect you."

Chapter Text

Peeta’s POV

               The hovercraft flies for about an hour and a half before landing.  I’m usually pretty friendly and have no problem striking up conversations, but right now I just don’t feel like putting out any effort.  There are about ten other guys and a couple of girls on the flight.  Most look like they are around my age or a few years older.  No one looks happy to be here except for a brutish looking couple who spend the flight polishing their weapons.

               “We will be landing in District 6 soon,” the pilot announces over the intercom. I’m glad to hear it since it feels like the longest flight ever.  Within 15 minutes we thud down upon a runway and soon enough disembark from the craft.  I get up and stretch my legs, and then follow the others down the ramp.  I look around to get my first glimpse of this new area and first notice the broken monorail tracks above.  Of course now it makes complete sense why we are here. This is where all of the transportation systems throughout Panem would have connected together.  I guess you would want to have any training area nearby transports of all kinds so that troops could be brought in and out easily.

               We are led by a soldier who had been on the flight with us.  He takes us across the runway to a waiting truck.  It drives us through the damaged streets.  Broken businesses and houses are everywhere.   I can only imagine that the destruction at home would look similar.  I’m not sure I want to think about that right now.

Eventually, we arrive at an open area and enter through a wire gates.  It leads down a path until we finally see some one story buildings which from the look could only be barracks.  My home sweet home for however long it may be.  The truck finally comes to a stop and we all stumble out.  I have barely manage to put my feet on the ground when suddenly, a loud voice yells out.

               “Soldiers, line up!”  I turn to see a tall older man who is obviously the one behind the authoritative voice.  I notice the others scramble to form some kind of line, and I manage to follow suit.  The head soldier looks us over.

               “My name is Boggs,” the man growls as he walks up and down looking us over. “I am the drill sergeant here.  That means I am in charge of your training and preparing you to fight.  When I come by, you will state your name and originating district.”  He then starts walking by each recruit one by one.  Each yells out their information as loudly as they can.  One is the large guy I watched earlier.  He is from Two and is named Cato.  There is also a tall lanky kid from One named Marvel. One of the most enthusiastic is the girl Cato had been sitting with who announces herself to be Clove from Two.  She gives a look to the brute who returns the gesture with a wink.  They obviously know each other and seem to have some kind of relationship.

               Finally, it is my turn.  “And who might you be soldier? A bit small aren’t you?”  The others give a kind of smirk at the comment that is meant to rile me up.   I don’t give in to it.

               “Peeta Mellark, District 12, sir!” I yell back just as strong as the rest of them.  Boggs nods his approval and moves on.

               We are next led to a requisitions building where we are given uniforms, gear, and other basic necessities.  We are shown to one of the barracks and told to pick a bed to sleep in.  Luckily, I find a lower bunk that is fairly comfortable, and a friendly sort from Ten takes the bed above.  It’s pretty late already, so after a quick meal in the cafeteria, it’s lights out. I lay down in the dark in the unfamiliar bed, with my thoughts full of Katniss and hoping that she is okay.

               The morning comes soon enough and begins our training as soldiers.  Over the next few days I find that it is mostly about following orders, something that I am pretty good at.  We run miles, which builds up my stamina, and do strengthening exercises.  We also have target practice and while I am not the best, I have at least some ability thanks to Katniss teaching me some about hunting with a bow and arrow.  The concepts of aiming at a target are the same.  I listen to Boggs and Mitchell, his right hand man who is enlisted like us, but has learned enough to train now.  Both of them are tough, but as long as you toe the line, they don’t harp on you too much.

               I don’t make too many friends, especially not Cato and Marvel, as they think I am nothing more than a punching bag.  Luckily, Clove likes me.  Although, she thinks quality time together is using me as a target for her knife throwing.  Buck, my likable bunkmate, is who I usually spend most of my free time with.  We swap stories from home at mealtime.  I tell him about baking while he discusses the ins and outs of ranching.

               At night, when I am the loneliest, I write letters to Katniss.  I know that they could never be sent or received in these circumstances, but it helps me to put all my feelings onto paper.

Dear Katniss,

I miss you so much.  I am well.   Although, I would much rather be anywhere else with you.  I wish I could hear your voice, your laugh, or just be able to touch you in any way.  I only hope that by my being here and helping the cause will get me closer to being able to go home and truly begin our life together.  Just know that I am doing this for us.  You are in my thoughts and heart at all times.  I love you, Katniss.

Always,

Peeta

               Most of the letters I write go much in the same way.  I also am eventually able to obtain a sketchpad and pencils where I draw my wife.  It is a way to keep those moments with her fresh in my head.  The first day I saw Katniss in Kindergarten, her singing the Valley Song, the day I gave her the bread, the day we married, the night we first made love or just a picture of Katniss sitting on the couch with a soft smile on her face.  I sketch it all.  Most I keep in the book where anyone can see. The more intimate ones I hide for myself.  Drawing her keeps me from going crazy with her not being here.  This is true especially at night when the loneliness is the worst.

               After the first week, I am pretty well into the routine when Boggs suddenly announces.   “Mellark, double time it to the main barracks. The Commander wants to see you.”

               “Yes, sir!” I reply with a salute and begin a quick jog to the building that houses most of the administrative offices of the camp.  It looks decrepit on the outside, but pretty well maintained on the inside.  I go down the main hallway until I reach the desk of the assistant to the Commander, a red headed young woman with glasses and eyes like a fox beneath them.

               “Peeta Mellark here to see the Commander,” I tell her.

               “Yes, Mr. Mellark, please go right on in.” the girl replies.  I knock and then pull back to go through the frosted glass door.  The office is quite large containing a wood desk and comfortable leather chair with its back turned to me as I walk in.

               I salute once more.  “You asked to see me Commander?”

               The chair spins around and a woman sits there.  She is sitting tall in a pose that gives away her power.  Her body language tells you immediately that she is in control.  I immediately straighten my own body up more.

               “My name is Paylor, Soldier Mellark. Thank you so much for coming.  Please, do sit down.”  She motions to a chair in front of the desk and I follow her order.  She looks me over for a minute making a quick assessment.  She must be satisfied because eventually the woman nods.

"I guess you are wondering why I asked you here," she states.  The woman sees the obvious curiosity in my eyes.

 I nod.  “Yes, maam.”

 “Well, I am in contact with Haymitch Abernathy in Thirteen.  He’s a friend of mine and an ally in the rebellion. He recently sent a message to let me know of your arrival and a little bit about your situation.  From his information, I understand that this is not where you really want to be?”

               I take a moment to carefully form my answer.  “Not exactly, Commander.  You see, where I wish to be is with the girl that I love.  My wife.   But due to everything President Coin has set up in her programs, we were suddenly brought together and then just as quickly torn apart.  I was given a choice of marrying someone else or becoming a soldier.  So…I ended up here.” 

Somehow, Commander Paylor gives me the feeling that she wants to help. So, I spout out all the details about the forced marriages in Thirteen and how our failure to conceive led them to separate us.  I tell her that given the choices the only thing I could do was become a soldier in hopes of reuniting with Katniss when we win the war.

               The Commander listens attentively and takes all of this information in.  “I see,” she finally states. “I have been hearing many stories coming out of Thirteen. From everything I have learned, it seems that Alma Coin is overstepping her bounds.”  She gives a huff the turns back to me.  “I want to assure you that I am going to do everything in my power to make us successful in this war.  In the meantime, I will try to see if Abernathy can find out some information for you about your wife.  Do you have a message that you want to send to her?”

               I have to think about this for a minute.  Of course I want to tell Katniss everything that has happened, but I have to be careful.  If the message is heard by the wrong people, we could both get in trouble It need to be something that seems inane, yet understandable to Katniss. It doesn’t take me too long to come up with what I want to say. “I would like to pass along a message to Katniss.  What I want to tell her is one word.  Always.  She’ll know what it means.”  Paylor looks at me quizzically, but does not comment or ask questions.  I begin to stand up and hold out my hand. “Thank you, Commander for this opportunity.  I just want to know that she is okay.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. ”

“You are welcome, young man.  I will see what I can do.”  She shakes my hand and I am summarily dismissed.  

I head back to the barracks at that point, only to find Cato and Marvel standing over my bed when I arrive.  Their backs are turned to me, but I can tell they are looking at something.  I walk closer to them and finally see that they have my sketches in their hands.  Not just any drawings, but the intimate ones that I had hidden.  I feel my anger overcome me.

“What are you doing with those?  They’re mine.” I yell at them.  I don’t want to start any fights, but they have crossed the line.

“We just so happened to find them,” Cato sneers.  “Lovely girl.  Girlfriend?  Wife?”

“Wife,” I tell them.  “And I know you just didn’t happen to find them.  Stop going through my stuff.”  I take the drawings from their hands.  At a glance, my frustration immediately dissipates at the vision before me.  “At least, she was.”  I rub my thumb over the lines of the pictures gently.

“Is she dead?” Marvel asks.  My emotions seemed to have moved him, at least.

I shake my head and sit down on the bed.  “No, she’s alive.  In Thirteen.”

“You must have been part of the program like us,” he states.  “Got drafted here after my girl Glimmer got knocked up.”

“Yeah, I got matched to Clove over there, and lucky for me she decided that she’d rather join the fighting.  She’s as ready for blood as I am.”  He looks over to where the young woman herself is sharpening her wives.  “Great, isn’t she?” he says all googly eyed watching her.   I give a little smile at the humor of this particular relationship. 

“Well, I was married to Katniss as part of the program,” I begin.  “Fell in love with her, too.  But, we didn’t meet their expectations for having a baby.  So they separated us and here I am.  Trust me, I would much rather be anywhere with her. But defeating the Capitol is the only way I’ll have a chance to get her back.”

“Well, then,” Marvel pats my back. “Let’s get going and win this thing.”  I smile.  I think I have just made some new friends.  From that point on we all work hard at training together, becoming stronger and more of a unit with each passing week. 

I am so busy with exercises and routine that before I know it, I have been in Six for three months when one night we are all sitting around the barracks playing poker. The door suddenly slams open and we hear Bogg’s distinctive growl.

“Get your gear ready boys and girls, because you all are heading to District One tomorrow.  We are going to join the rest of the forces.  The final invasion of the Capitol is coming!”  All of us begin clapping then. This could be it.  The final push.  The celebrations are at full steam when the drill sergeant once again speaks.

“Mellark, over here!” he shouts. 

“Sir, yes sir!” I answer.  I walk over to where he stands and give a salute.  He returns the gesture and holds out a piece of paper.

“The Commander asked me to give this to you.  Special message for delivery.” 

“Thank you sir,” I reply and take the note from his hand.  I head to my bunk and sit down on it and open the envelope.  I unfold the paper and read the scrawled writing.  It’s not a very long message, but I know now that Paylor has kept her word.  She checked on Katniss for me.

Soldier Mellark,

Abernathy has been in contact with your wife.  According to him, she is well.  He gave her your message and her reply is this: “We love you.”  I hope that this will at least give you some comfort in the battle ahead. 

Good luck to you.

Cordially,

Paylor

               For the rest of the night, I can’t help but read it over and over again.  I pour over it, trying to make out any and all meaning out of the message.  There isn’t much to go on, but at least I know Katniss is safe and still loves me.  That love is what makes the mission ahead all worth it.  It is what will keep me going.  I am ready to die for it.  I fall asleep dreaming of holding Katniss in my arms once more.

               We are awakened at dawn by Boggs.  “Time to go soldiers!  Get up and grab your gear!”

There isn’t much discussion as we quickly dress and grab our things. Within an hour we load the hovercraft to take us to the main forces of the rebel army.  When we finally land in District One, the view is much different. You can tell from the remains of the buildings that they had been ornate, looking like they were made of precious metals like gold and silver.  Marvel is happy to be home, but we are not given much time to take in the surroundings.    As we disembark, the group is immediately told to line up and be prepared for our new squadron leader to meet us. 

               We have been at attention for about five minutes when a figure approaches us at a steady pace.  He is in full uniform with helmet and stops in front of us to give a salute.  I can’t help but smile big at his appearance, because I recognize this soldier.

               “Recruits!  Welcome to the main forces of our army.  You are now the new members of Squad 451.  I am Sergeant Gale Hawthorne, the leader of this squadron.  That means you will follow all orders I give throughout the mission we are about to embark on.”

               “Yes sir!” we all reply as we salute.  He walks down the line of us then, talking a little to each one.  When he finally gets to me, he smiles and gives another salute.

               “Soldier Mellark.  Good to have you here,” Gale says with a smile that he is probably not supposed to have.  “I admit I’m surprised to see you, though.  I would have thought that you would still be in Thirteen.”

               “It’s a long story,” I tell him quietly.  “I’ll be happy to tell you later.”  I straighten my back to salute him then.  “It’s good to see you too, squadron leader.”

               He leans in close then.  “Just follow my orders and you’ll be fine, Peeta. The plan is a good one.  We are going to win.”

               I nod and Gale looks back at the rest of the group.  “Grab your gear and come with me.  I’ll show you where you will be camping out and you can meet the other members of the squad.”  I go and grab my stuff off the hovercraft and follow our leader to some trucks that take us to an area where literally hundreds of tents must be lined up.  There are groups of people everywhere talking or doing training exercises.

               Gale gets out of the front truck and leads us to a cluster of tents on the left far side.  There is a group already assembled there, and once more I find that I recognize one of faces.  The man notices me too.

               “Peeta!”  Finnick calls out.  “What in the world are you doing here?”  He comes over and shakes my hand.

               “Seems I got myself in the army and into this war,” I halfway joke.

               “Drafted?” he asks.

               “More like forced,” I reply.

               “Better tell me about it,” Finnick then sits down and motions for me to join him.  I once again relay the story of what happened between Katniss and I.  Gale comes over quickly and gets caught up as well.  They both are nodding by the end of it.

               “Johanna and Annie had told us that all of the sudden you and Katniss disappeared and no one would tell them what happened.  I guess that explains why.” Gale finally says.

               “Yeah.  So now here I am.”  I state.  “Ready to join in the fight.”

               I then introduce them to Cato, Clove, Marvel, and all the others I had trained with.  The entire group spends most of the night gathered around a fire talking and getting to know one another.  Most were young men who were married as part of the program and their wives were either expecting or recently had their baby.  There was a couple of women, and only maybe one other who was considered single like me.

               After everything we had already been put through, we found that there was even more training over the next few weeks. This was different from our previous exercises as it was focused on specific maneuvers and learning to work together as a group.  Gale was a hard taskmaster, but he was good at his job and getting us to do what was needed.  A lot of the practices were at night, so we were prepared for an evening invasion.

               It turns out that was exactly what was going to occur.  About a month after being initiated as a part of 451, Gale tells us one night that there was going to be a meeting at 0800 the next morning. The rumor was that it is intended for formal instructions on our assault of the Capitol. 

               “I think this is it,” he says.  “The invasion is going to happen.”

               We sleep, and at the assigned time, our squad joins all the others as we stand before a small platform.  The squadron commanders have already had a meeting together with the high ranking officers, but now we are all to hear about the mission.  I am not surprised when once more I see Commander Paylor is in charge and in front of us on the dais.  She is calm and confident as she comes to the microphone.

               “Soldiers!  The time has come for us to invade the Capitol,” she begins.  “We have been given the green light to lead a final assault.  This is the most important moment we may have to finally free our country from so many years of oppression.  Our mission is clear.  We must bring down President Snow and those who defend him.  We will be attacking as small groups coming from different directions.  Each squad will be led toward the Capitol until the government officials find themselves surrounded.  We will then make our move to take control.  Your leaders will give you the details on your exact instructions.  Good luck to you all.” A cheer erupts from all corners of the assembled group.

               We head back to the tents then and Gale gathers us all together.  “Alright, here it is.”  He brings out a map of the Capitol and points to a certain spot on it.  “Our squad is going to enter through a tunnel on the west side of the Capitol.  It is part of the old sewer system.  We’ll go into it and come up through one of the portals on the outskirts of the city.  From there, we are to head towards the City Center until we reach it and join up with the other squads.  We wait for the signal and attack from there.”

               “That’s it?” Cato asks.

               “That’s it,” Gale repeats.  “The hardest part will be when we are coming through the streets in the open.  We will need to stay in the shadows and out of the main areas where we could be seen.  We will have to watch out not only for the Capitol guards, but for their security pods, as well.  We won’t know exactly where those will be, and they can be deadly.  You will all have to be on your guard at all times.”  We nod our understanding. 

               “Go get your packs together,” he orders.  “We leave this afternoon at sixteen hundred.  The invasion will be tonight.”

               I am thrown a little at how quickly things are moving, but orders are orders.  I quickly go into my tent and begin packing the necessities I need into my backpack.  I try to keep it as light as possible,  Once I am done, I have about 45 minutes before we are to head out, so I just lay down on my bed for a while.  I think about Katniss.  I don’t know what will happen tonight, but I only wish I could just see her once more.  I try to picture her face to ensure it is etched in my mind, although I know it already is.  I smile as I see her in my mind at the meadow smiling at me and snacking on the cheese buns that she loves.  Along with my daydreams, I also bring out the note with her short message and read it over once more. 

               Eventually, the time comes.  I get up and wake the napping Marvel, and then together we leave the tent.  We find the rest of the squad and jump on one of the waiting crafts.  The ride isn’t too long, and we land about two miles from the Capitol.   We disembark, and Gale leads us in the direction we need to go.  We walk towards the east for about half an hour, and finally make it to the edge of the city.  After checking a compass, we travel around the boarders until we locate the tunnel that will be our entrance.

               Then we wait.  We sit there together in silence. Finnick is continually looking at his watch, and eventually he gives a nod that it is time.  “Come on!” Hawthorne whispers and we go into the tunnel.  It’s dark and damp, but we make it through and ten minutes later come up a sewer hole which places us on the outer neighborhood of the city.  Each of us finds a place to hide in the shadows.  The streets are pretty empty although there are a few people walking around.  We skulk around the edges of the street, trying to avoid them. 

               We make our way through the shadows, finding alleys and side streets that seem to lead us closer to the middle of the Capitol.  I can tell we must be getting closer as I notice more and more people and lights the farther we go.  We are about halfway there when a loud clicking sound disturbs the eerie quiet.

               “Get down!” Gale orders.  We all do so, and all of the sudden I am holding down my head to the ground while spears and nets are being thrown out.  I lay there until it gets quiet again, and then look up to see the others getting up off the ground.  No one seems hurt, but I don’t necessarily want to take our chances again.  That must have been one of the Capitol’s security pods.

               We move on, and somehow avoid any more traps until we make it to the center of the city.  I can see Snow’s mansion from where we stand.  I also catch a glimpse of other squads in the distance waiting all around the edges of the area.  We stand there for what seems like forever.

               “When are we going?” Cato asks in frustration.

               “Just hold on,” our leader tells him.  “We wait for the signal.  When that happens, run and attack.  Get inside the walls any way you can.  Get the innocents out of the danger area.  Once we have control of the palace, we will raise a flag for the hovercrafts to come in with the final attack.  Try to stay together if you can.”

               We continue our wait, until in the distance a light in shined across the way and Gale screams.  “That’s it.  GO!”  I begin running, weapon armed and ready.  I do not hear any signs of resistance at first, but then I notice the sounds of gun fire.  The palace guards he seen us and must be fighting back now. 

               I am out of breath when finally I make it to the back gate of the palace.  Cato and Finnick are next to me.  As we wait there, I can see another squad with equipment that they are using to break down the iron metal bars.  It takes some time, but finally they are successful.  The three of us then take a look at each other, and nod. 

               “Let’s do this!” FInnick encourages us as we go.

               I’m running again and with my squad mates go through the now open gate.  I get into the shadows of the palace and look around me.  There is no one there, so the guards must be on top of the building where they are shooting back.  I signal that information to Cato and Finnick and we all continue going around the building. 

We are coming around a corner and enter a courtyard when I see it and gasp.  There is a group of children simply standing there in front of the doors to the mansion.   Did Snow place them here as a protection for himself?  That’s absolutely sick.  Most are visibly shaking and obviously scared to death.  I try to think fast as to what to do. I look up, and see that the flag has been raised, so I know that we are in control and the hovercrafts will be coming soon.  We were ordered to get all innocents out of harms way.  We must get these kids to safety before the final attack begins.

“Help me get these kids out!” I yell to Finn and Cato.  We run to the courtyard where they all stand.  They look at me wide eyed and surprised, having no clue what to do with all that is going on around them.

“We’re here to help you.” I yell out to them.  “Come with us.  We will get you to a safe place.”  I grab a couple of small hands and call out for the others to follow me.  I quickly lead them through the gate and into the safe shadows on the outside of the center.  I notice that Cato and Finnick are coming with more.  Gunshots continue to ring out and from the sound are closer and more frequent.  As they near where I stand, I hear the rat a tat of bullets and watch as FInnick goes down. 

“Stay here,” I tell the kids immediately rush to help my friend.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I think a bullet hit me in the leg,” he says in pain.  He is holding his leg.  I take a look and see blood on his pants just below his knee.  “I’m okay,” he tells me. “Just help me walk.”  I help him up, putting my arm around his shoulders and help him hobble to where the kids are.  Cato soon emerges from the now foggy smoke behind us with more of the children.

“Just stay here with them,” I tell Finnick.  “We can go get the rest out.”  I turn back around with Cato following close by and we dodge more bullets as we return to the courtyard.  We grab what we think are the rest of the kids.  I pick a crying girl up in my arms and run as fast as I can while carrying her.  I can only hope that the others are following behind me.  The rising smoke is making it harder every second to find my way. 

When I finally reach where Finnick is, I place the little girl down and look around once more.  It seems like they are all here.  I hadn’t taken any count so there is no way to know.  I am fairly satisfied that we have them all, when I suddenly hear crying in the distance.  I scan through the fog and see a little boy standing by himself and still within the gates of the mansion.

Cato looks over at me.  “Do we risk it?” he asks.  “The hovercrafts will be here any minute.”

“I’ll go get him.” I say.  One more time I run as fast as my legs will allow and flail my arms around until I reach the little boy.  He is sobbing uncontrollably.  “It’s okay. I’ll get you out of here.”   I pick him up and start heading back in what I hope is the right direction.  I can’t see much of anything at this point.

“Peeta.  The hovercrafts are coming!”  I hear Cato yell.  This helps me find my way a little.

I look back and see them coming in quickly.  “Keep calling out!” I tell him.  “Help me find you!”  I try to pick up my pace in the direction where the voice is coming from, but the weight of the boy is too much and I end up falling over.  I keep hearing Cato, though, and know that I am pretty close to where everyone is.

“Go!  Over there!” I yell at the boy and pointing towards the left.  I try to get to my feet and push the boy in the direction I want him to go.  He follows my instruction and I manage to see him reach the group.  I have just gotten up and am about to take a step myself, when I hear the thunderous sound of something exploding. 

 At first, all I see around me is black, but after a while I feel a sense of lightness, like floating.  I begin to see pictures in my head.  First, it’s my family.  My father is smiling and sooty from baking all day.  My oldest brother showing the baseball cards that he had collected and telling me the value of each one.  My other brother holding up the winning trophy from the wrestling tournament.  I even see my mother giving one of her few smiles when I have perfected the frosting on a cake.  It feels warm and inviting to see them, and I want to stay. But at the same time I am being pulled into a light in the distance.  I can’t see exactly what it is, but I do hear voices.  One is male, and the other is female, and familiar.  It almost sounds like it’s Prim, but that can’t be.

“Is he going to be okay?” I hear the faint voice of a girl say.

“I think so,” comes the reply from a deeper older voice.  “He’s trying to wake up now.”

After that I go back to my happier visions for a time.  Playing jacks with Delly. Watching Katniss walk home from school.  Again, my body feels like it is suddenly being pulled again.  As my eyes try to focus, I see a glowing light outlining what seems to be a figure standing in a doorway.  I make out the features on the person to see grey eyes and a long dark braid.  Is she an angel?

My mouth is heavy and I barely manage to get out one word. 

“Katniss.”

Chapter Text

Katniss’ POV

               Whoever said that being pregnant was enjoyable must have confused it with some other biological process.  While experiencing all the changes in my body is nothing short of amazing, I quickly am growing sick of being exhausted all the time, having cravings at weird hours, and constantly going to the restroom.

               Mom and Prim have been great about everything these last couple of months, and continue to hover around me day and night.  They bring me meals when I am not up to getting out of bed, and put up with my unstable moods.  My sister is more than thrilled at the prospect of becoming an aunt.

               “If it’s a girl, will you name her after me?” she asks devilishly.

               “I don’t even know what it is yet, Prim!” I yell at her, more grouchy than usual from the hormones.  “Give me some time before we make any decisions like that.”

               My sister gives me a hug.  “I’m sorry, Katniss.  But I’m just so excited.”  She gives that little excited squeal of hers.

               I smile back at her.  “I know you are.”  I sit back down on the bed. “And I’m terrified.”

               “It’ll be okay, I promise,” she says cuddling up beside me.  “You know you’re in good hands with us.”  She gets up.  “I need to make breakfast.  Are you going to work today?”

               “Yes,” I answer.  “The nausea has calmed down for now, so I think I can make it.”  I get up then and get dressed in the usual dull grey jumpsuit.  I’m lucky that this is my uniform here, because it will be great at hiding my belly.  At a little more than two months along, I’m not showing yet.  But soon enough I will need to conceal my bump from the wrong eyes. At least for a while.  I know eventually even loose clothing won’t help, and I still don’t know what to do when that happens. 

               “I’ll see you lunch,” I call out to Prim as I walk out.  I head to the surface to the usual meeting spot and get my bow and arrows.  No one in the group engages any conversation and that is fine with me.  I don’t feel like talking to them either.  I’ve never been one to go out and make friends.  Considering what I have to hide, now is not the time to start.  I practically race into the woods and hunt.  It’s lonely out here, and in one way that is good, but in others it’s really bad.  No matter what I try, I always end up thinking of Peeta.  He’s married now. And if I know him, he will at least try his best to get along with his new wife.  I try to erase the thought of him with someone else out of my mind, because doing so will only drive me crazy.  I really need a new hobby.

               I focus back on the task at hand, and eventually find a small clearing where I spot a small deer.  I manage to snag it and trap a few rabbits which I take back for the day.  Starving, I return to the underground to find Prim sitting with a girl I don’t know.  They are deep in conversation, and although they seem to be about the same age, their looks couldn’t be any different.  I grab a bowl of soup and a sandwich before joining them.

               “Hey Katniss.  How was it today?” my sister asks in her usual breezy tone when she sees me.

               “Fine,” I say with little enthusiasm.

               Prim sticks out her tongue at me.  “C’mon grumpy girl!  Cheer up a little.”  She turns toward her new friend. “I’d like you to meet Rue.  She came here from District 11.  We met in our classes.”  Even though we are refugees, at least the leadership has managed to form some kind of education for the younger kids.  My sister has been taking a few courses, mostly science and math, to help her in learning to be a healer.

               The beautiful dark girl raises her hand and waves.  “Hi there Katniss!  It’s really nice to meet you.  Prim has said a ton of great things about her big sister.”

               I smile at my sister building me up. “It’s nice to meet you,” I tell her while putting my hand out to shake.   Rue puts out her own hand and it is tiny, yet very firm.  I can’t help but lighten in her presence and when I see the sweet smile on her face that is so sincere and pure.   “Are you here with your family?”

               “Most of it,” she replies.  “My mom and dad are here, but my brother Thresh has been in the forces for six months now.”

               “Oh,” I say sympathetically.  “You must miss him a lot.”

               “Yeah, I do.” Rue states.  “I just wish he was back here with us, you know?”

               I let out a small breath.  “I do know.  I know exactly what you mean.”  Prim looks at me sadly, knowing exactly who I am thinking about.  Her friend notices, but doesn’t force or question the issue any further.

               “Your sister also told me you’re a great hunter,” Rue goes on.  “I’m great at climbing trees but always wanted to learn how to shoot, as well.  Do you think you could teach me?”

               Teach her?  I’m not sure what to think of this at first.  I’ve been pretty comfortable with not having company on my journeys into the woods.  But now that I think of it, someone to talk to while I hunt might be nice.  I definitely could use they help sometimes, and teaching her would give me a kind of purpose that might distract me from all my thoughts of missing Peeta.

               I only need a minute or two before deciding.  “Sure, I would love to,” I finally answer her.  “How about we meet sometime next week?  We can start with the basics.”

               “Sounds great!” Rue almost squeals just like Prim.  “I can’t wait.”  We make plans for the following Tuesday and finish our lunch.  I walk around a little after that, just lost in my thoughts.  I have known about the baby growing inside me for a month, and it has probably been the hardest month of my life.  I almost regret not becoming a soldier.  I’ve always been a person of action.  I can’t stand just sitting around doing nothing.  But considering my state now, I guess fate or something like it kept me from agreeing to do it when I had the chance.

               I sigh and head on through the rest of my daily schedule.  Soon enough, I begin to have my new hunting partner joining me each morning.  It’s not too bad.  Rue likes to talk, but doesn’t necessarily push me to respond.  She also knows to keep quiet when we are actually at work.  I show her some skills and she learns quickly.  I quickly learn to enjoy and accept her company. So, I am surprised one morning about two weeks in when as we are tracking some rabbits she asks a question out of the blue.

               “So, when are you due?” she says quietly. 

               I turn around to look at her in astonishment.  II get nervous.  No one was supposed to find out!  “How did you know? Did Prim tell you?  I told her not to…”  The words fly out of my mouth.

               She stops me with her hand and smiles at being correct about her assumption.  “Katniss, it’s okay.”  I calm down and breathe out slowly. “I’ve noticed you keep placing your hand on your abdomen at times like you are protecting something there.  It’s a motion I’ve seen other girls who are pregnant make.  I just gave an educated guess.”

               “I’m almost four months along,” I finally admit to her.

               “The father?” she asks tentatively.

               I look down at the ground.  “Long story,” I say, and go on to give her a short recap of the events that led me to my current condition.

               “Oh, wow,” she says when I finish.  “I can’t believe they did that to you.  You must miss him so much.  Does he know?”

               I shake my head.  “I haven’t been able to talk to him or send any messages.  They’ve married him off to someone else now.”  

               The young girl thinks about this for a minute.  “Look, we are going to win this war.  When we do, you’ve just got to believe that he will come back to you.”

               “He won’t just leave someone like that.” I argue.

               “Well then,” she places her hand on my belly, “at the very least you are going to have the most wonderful reminder of the love you both shared.”  I can’t help but grin at the truth of her statement, and place my hand over hers where the baby is. 

“And don’t worry,” Rue whispers.  “I won’t tell anyone.”  We smile together at our shared secret.

               Each day I start to feel better and better.  I am finally getting beyond the point of morning sickness. although I am craving more than ever. My work with Rue gives me a reprieve from the loneliness.  Mom has been sneaking supplies from the medical ward so that I can have the prenatal vitamins I need, and Prim constantly cooks and fusses over me.  I’m starting to think that maybe I can do this after all.  I still want Peeta, but at the same time focus on the gift he has left in his stead that is continuing to grow.

               I have been teaching my new friend for about two weeks when I arrive to our rooms to see we have a visitor.

               “Hello, sweetheart,” Haymitch says.

               I immediately scowl back at him.  “What are you here for?  Inflicting more demands on my life that you can’t help with?”  I am grateful that I am wearing my jumpsuit at the moment. It is able to disguise my middle that is finally getting a bump to it.

               “Calm down,” he growls.  “I have tried to do everything I can for you and the boy.  I only have so much power. I help in any way if it is possible, and that’s why I’m here.  I actually came to give you a message.”

               My eyebrows go up.  “A message from whom?”

               “From the boy,” he answers. 

“From Peeta? Is he okay?” I ask, desperate to know.

“I haven’t seen him myself,” the old man grumbles, “but there is someone I’m friends with who has.  I was told that he is well and to give you his message.”

               “What is it?”  My anticipation is killing me.  I have to know what he said.

               “Always,” Haymitch responds.  “That’s it.  Always.”

               Of course I wish it was more, but hearing that one word I know it came from Peeta.  In it, I know what he is trying to tell me, too.  He still loves me.  He still has hope we can be together.  I place my hand upon my locket.  If only I could believe like he does.

               “Thank you,” I finally say to the older man when my mind comes back from its thoughts.

               “You’re welcome.  Do you have anything to tell the boy in return?” Haymitch asks.

 I think about the possibilities.  To be able to send a message to Peeta is an opportunity.  I know whatever I say can’t be long or too much in case the leadership finds out about it.  But at the same time, I need to tell him so much.  I want to let him know that he has a child on the way.  After a few minutes, I finally decide.

               “Yes,” I tell him.  “I have a reply for Peeta.  Tell him this.  We love you.”

               Haymitch looks a little befuddled.  I know he is curious and confused at my choice of pronoun.  He can’t seem to puzzle it out, though, so eventually he lets it go.

“Alright, sweetheart.” he tells me.  “I’ll pass it along.”   I don’t know what the man thinks as he says goodbye and leaves, but I am happy at the thought that if nothing else, I have tried my best to let Peeta know.

               Routine continues on.  My little student has become quite adept at her hunting skills now.  I have moved on from shooting and aiming to showing her how to make snares.  I’m not as good as Gale at it, but at least I can show her some simple techniques.  Rue is a quick study, and I continue to find some pleasure in teaching her.

               The baby continues to grow well, and as I get to be about five months along, I start to notice the movement.  It’s fluttery, like butterfly wings, and the first time it happens I almost completely break down.  The feeling inside is so foreign, and it scares me to death.  My mother finds me huddled together in a ball on my bed.

               “Shhh,” she soothes, “It’s okay, Katniss.  It’s normal.  You are just feeling the baby move.”

               “It’s so real now,” I tell her.  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

               “Of course you can,” Mother says quickly.  “You are going to be a wonderful mother.”

               I give a little smile.  “I’m not going to be able to keep this a secret much longer.” I say seriously.  “I think I’m going to have to find a way to leave.”

               “How?” she asks.

               I shake my head.  “I don’t know.  I’ll figure out somewhere I can go.”  Over the next weeks, I try to make a plan.  At first I think about sneaking into the woods and staying there.  Prim and my mother, of course, think that I am crazy for even considering having my baby there.  I try to reason with them that I have no other choice.

               “It’s not safe,” my Mother pleads.

               “I’ll find a way to get here for the birth,” I promise.  We are arguing about the issue when the TV breaks in with what must be an important announcement.  Our eyes turn to see President Coin is once more at the microphone, looking as in charge as ever.  “Citizens!  I am happy to report that sometime in the next few days our invasion of the Capitol will begin.  This war is almost over and our freedom can begin!”  The three of us look at each other in a mixture of hope and fear.

               “Maybe if we win the war, you can stay and have the baby here.” Prim suggestions.

               “I just don’t know, little duck.” I reply.   “I just don’t know.”

               Every night from then on the TV is kept on.  About a week later, the reporters announce that their sources tell them the invasion will be happening that evening.  We all sit together on the couch in anticipation.  Throughout the night, they go back and forth between different reporters stations in various districts who give their opinions on the situation.  There’s really no information, just supposition and rumors.  It’s maddening, and all three of us are eventually falling asleep.  I am about to suggest we all go to bed when a loud voice begins shouting from the set.

               “It’s over!” the main news reporter yells.  “It’s over!  We have won!  The Capitol is now in the control of our forces.  President Snow has been captured!”

               My mother, Prim, and I begin screaming and hugging each other ecstatically.  We begin to hear voices in the hallways shouting, cheering, and yelling.  We run out and decide to join the celebrations. They go on for hours, ending up with people from everywhere gathered in the main auditorium.  This seems to be the first time that the leadership allowed the people from the different parts of the district to congregate together.  At one point, I catch the eye of Delly, Johanna, and Annie in the distance.  There are too many people in the way for me to reach them, but they wave to me from their position. The euphoria of the moment eventually ends and everyone retreats to their own compartments.  As I fall asleep, it’s almost morning, but for the first time I have that small glimmer of hope.

               Things move quickly in the next few days.  The floodgates have been opened and the people are now allowed to roam and visit freely.  The news from the Capitol reports that although the battle was successful, that there will still losses and many soldiers were wounded.  Prim takes this and within two days has left to go and help in their care.  Casualty lists come in and luckily there are no names that are familiar. 

After another few days, the leaders announce that within the next month they will allow citizens to begin return to their home districts if they so choose.  The rebuilding process can begin in earnest, especially once a new government is established.  There is a plan for set people in temporary positions until an election can take place.  This news is the opportunity I had been waiting for.  I let Mother know that as soon as it is possible, I will return to District 12 hopefully before anyone knows about the pregnancy.

               It only takes a few days before I reconnect with the girls again.  “Katniss!” Delly yells as I am coming into the main eating hall that most people use now.

               I wave and join her, Annie, and Johanna.  As I draw closer, their looks become shocked the moment I sit down.  They can see the distinct bulge of my abdomen.  “You better tell us the whole story.” Jo orders immediately.  I do, relaying the details of the separation and my finding out about the baby.

               “So, Peeta doesn’t know?” Annie asks softly when I finish.  I shake my head.

               “I tried to send a message through Haymitch, but I have no idea if he received it.” I tell them.  “By the way, have you seen him?  How is he?  I thought maybe now I might catch a glimpse of him.”  I look all around the cafeteria as if he was there right now.

               “What are you talking about?” Delly says confused.  “Peeta’s not here, Katniss.”

               “What do you mean?  I thought he would be in the married complex with his new wife.” I am growing scared at the implications of this information. 

               “Katniss,” Johanna says quietly.  “Peeta is in the forces.  He was in the invasion.”

                “What?”  I open my mouth shocked.  “No.  That can’t be.”  The weight of this news overtakes me.  “I told him not to.”

                “He must have changed his mind.” Annie concludes.  “All we know is that Finnick and Gale’s last letter a month ago both said that Peeta had joined their squad.  I know they must have been in the fighting.”

               I place my head in my hands.  “I can’t believe he would do that.”

               “I’m sure whatever his decision,” Delly puts her hand on my back.  “It was for you.”

               She’s more than likely right.  That would be Peeta’s way.  “Do you know if any of them are okay?”

               The girls nod their heads.  “We got some news that Finn and Gale are alive.  That’s all.  I don’t know anything about Peeta.” Johanna says sadly.  We finish chatting and I head back to my rooms.  I think knowing what I know now, this is the cue for me to leave.  I can go home to Twelve and try to see if I can find out more about Peeta from there.  I don’t care what anyone else does.  I just know that I’ve got to get out of here now. 

               I spend the rest of the day packing my few things.  Mother is concerned as she watches me, but knows that I am not going to be swayed.  My plan is to leave the next morning.  I sleep fitfully, and get up early.  Prim makes me a small breakfast or eggs.  As I eat, there is a buzz at the door.  Who is the world?

               When I open it, I am surprised that it’s Haymitch again. I roll my eyes at the intrusion just as I am trying to get away.  Looking at him, though, the first expression on his face is shock because he can now clearly see that I am pregnant. 

“That was what you meant by we,” he grumbles.

With his appearance, I immediately can sense what must have happened.  “You knew,” I accuse him almost baring my claws out. “You knew he was with the soldiers.”

               He must understand exactly what I am talking about because his guilt immediately surfaces.  “Yes, I knew.  But the boy ordered me not to tell you because he knew all you would do was worry.”

               I am so angry I want to scream at him.  “How did you get that message then?”

               “The Commander at the training site is a friend.  She passed it along.  Promised the boy she would find out if you were okay for him.”  I sit down in a chair taking it all in.

               “Do you know if he survived the invasion?” I ask. Not totally wanting to know the answer.

               “No,” he states as he starts pacing.  “In all the chaos we lost track of him.  We have been trying to get an account of every man who was there.  His squad tells us that he was definitely in the middle of all the fighting.  Reports say that he was near the bombs when they fell.  Leadership is under the belief that he is dead.”

               I lose it and start openly sobbing at this point.  Peeta’s dead.  I can’t believe it.  Haymitch lets me cry for a time, and once I have quieted some, holds out a paper.  “He told me to give this to you if anything happened to him.”  I slowly take it from his hand and the man sadly turns around and leaves me in peace.

               There is a quick scrawl of my name on the folded paper.  I lovingly open the note and begin to read.  Sobs once more come freely as I look at the writing I recognize so well.

               Katniss,

               I know that if you get this it means I am no longer here.  Please understand.  I couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t marry anyone else.  My heart wouldn’t let me because it is with you completely.  My only hope now is to win this war.  I only wish in the end that I could be with you in person.  Know, though, that no matter what, I am always in your heart, as you are in mine.  Forever.  I love you, Katniss.

               Always,

               Peeta

               I crumple the note in my hand and just sit there.  In time, Haymitch returns.  “Is there some other bad news you have to give me?” I say curtly.

               “No,” he states.  “I have a job for you.”

               “What kind of a job could you possibly offer me?” I ask almost laughing at the idea.

               “Snow’s trial is going on right now,” he tells me.  “He is going to be found guilty and sentenced for execution.  They want an expert to deliver the blow.”

               I am incredulous.  “They want me to kill Snow?”  Haymitch nods his head.  I think about this offer.  The thought of having to actually kill a person.  I also think about the President himself, and how he wouldn’t blink twice about doing it.  Finally, I think about Peeta giving up his life for freedom from this man and his oppression.

               “Alright,” I finally decide.  “I’ll do it.  For him.”  The messenger shows he understands with a nod.

“There’s a hovercraft leaving tomorrow morning to take you to the Capitol.”  He leaves me then and I spend the rest of the day explaining and saying my goodbyes to everyone.  I don’t say exactly what I am going to do, but just tell them that I am leaving.  Let them find out the details later.

               I arrive on the hovercraft early and pretty much find that I am about the only passenger.  There is one guard on board who I am told is to be security for my safety during the mission.  I take a nap on the flight and not long after I wake up find that we have arrived.

               I get off and the first face that meets me is a familiar one.  “Hey Catnip.”  Gale is smiling at me and embraces me in a large hug.  He feels my large belly.  “Oh my god,” he gasps.  “Peeta never said anything.”

               “He didn’t know.” I respond softly. 

He shakes his head sadly.  “I’m so sorry.”

               “Me too,” It’s all I can really say.  Gale nods, and then turns around to lead me toward a waiting truck.  I follow.

“I should have known it would be you when they told me an expert shooter would be coming,” Gale says once the ride has started.  “We’ll get you suited up and equipped when we get to headquarters.”  I nod my head and we are pretty much silent for the rest of the ride.  I want details on Peeta’s time in the forces, but I’m just not ready to ask about it yet.

Headquarters is a stone fortress building.  It looks impenetrable, so no wonder they set up their base here.  When we arrive, I am taken to a room.  Inside, there is a trio of what can only be described as strange looking people telling me that they are to prep me for the mission.  Obviously they are from the Capitol. But even so, I allow them to help me get out of my clothes and into the suit that is provided.  It’s form fitting, black, and in a way makes me feel powerful.  Once dressed, I am given a silver bow and arrows that shimmer in the light.  I place the sheath across my back and walk out of the prep room to find Gale.  He is waiting for me and leads me up a couple of floors and down a hallway until we come outside onto a balcony.  It looks over onto what was formerly the President’s palace.  I can see marble steps leading up to a platform area where I remember seeing Snow make most of his speeches.  A large group of people are gathering in front of it.

“They’ve pronounced the sentence yesterday,” Gale tells me.  “In about fifteen minutes they are going to bring him out here and read the decision.  Then, when the signal is given, you take the shot.  Short and simple.”

“I’ve got it,” I reply, and with that Gale closes the doors behind me and stands guard in front of them.  I am alone, simply waiting.  I take an arrow and load it into my bow.  It feels different from both my one at home and the one I was using in Thirteen. But after a few minutes I manage to get a feel for it.  I think I have it and before long, I hear the people below making noise, Something must be happening.  I watch, and the doors of the palace open.  About ten armed guards come out with President Snow behind them, handcuffs on his wrists.

I watch as they set him in place on the platform, and for a moment, his cold eyes meet mine.  He knows what I am here to do. An official begins reading the verdict of the jury.  I am getting my aim together for the moment, but soon find that I may not have to do anything at all.  All of the sudden, the masses of people can’t contain themselves. They charge up the stairs and through the line of guards.  They take Snow and begin brutally hitting, stomping, and kicking him.  I am stuck in place, unsure what to do with this development.  I can see that the man is being beaten senseless and won’t last much longer.

Eventually, through the mass of people, I see a bloodied arm rise up.  Somehow, I know it is trying to tell me something.  He wants me to end it.  I raise my bow and aim again, and for a minute I am not sure I will be able to take the shot. Finally, I see a little opening.  It’s not much, but enough that I can see the man’s chest.  I let go of the arrow. It flies and precisely hits its mark.

It takes a moment for the riled crowd to realize what has happened. Once they do, though, the cheers are louder than anything I have ever heard before.  The people turn to look up in my direction and see me.  To my astonishment the group begins waving and chanting towards me.  The doors behind me open and Gale returns to my side.

“Good job,” he says assuredly.  “I’ll take you to where you can stay tonight.”  I silently follow and continue to be quiet all through the ride to yet another building.  This one looks like makeshift barracks.  We get out and after being led through even more hallways, my old friend opens a door to a small room and places by bag down.

“It’s over now,” Gale tells me as he places his arms on my shoulders.  “Get some sleep.”  I sit down on the bed and the door closes.  As I lay down, the adrenaline that had been pumping through me must have all of the sudden left my body, because I feel the exhaustion rush over me and in moments I am asleep.

Next thing I know, I am awoken by a bright and cheerful voice.  “Up, up, up!  It’s a big day for you young lady.  You are quite the hero and so many want to see you!”  I open my eyes to see a pink haired woman with obvious Capitol attire on.  I have seen her before. 

I give a groan and pull the blanket up over me.  “Miss Everdeen, I know you must be tired, but we have so much to do.”  She clicks around the room, pulling clothes out of the closet. “I’m Effie, and I will be your chaperone to all your visits today.  Nothing but the best for our new heroine.”

I fully open my eyes and finally lift my body that doesn’t want to move.  “And where exactly am I supposed to visit?”

“Well, first off, you are going to the hospital ward to visit with our wounded soldiers there,” she chimes.  With that, I admit defeat and get cleaned up.  I am requested to dress in my uniform from the previous day so that everyone would recognize me.  I slowly comply, and after braiding my hair am then led to a vehicle which zooms me to the hospital.  Throughout the ride Effie chimes in about how wonderful it is that the rebels have won.

“I have so enjoyed being a part of the rebellion,” she sing songs.  “I feel like I really helped, especially with being a part of the repopulation program.”  She seems proud of it all, and there is a part of me that wants to choke her, but I don’t let the instinct take over.  The woman truly seems to have the best intentions, however misguided.

“Yeah, I’m sure you have been a great help.” I reply as I stare out the windows.  I feel ridiculous being put on parade, but I guess the infirm soldiers could use the morale boost.  It couldn’t hurt.

I walk into the ward of the hospital and look around to see a number of young men in varying states of health.  Some have crutches, and some are secure with bandages on their heads or other part of their body.  Many are just lying in the beds, playing cards or talking with those who seemed unharmed.  All of them gawk at me when they are introduced.  I happily shake hands as the men tell me how wonderful it was to hear of what I had done.  Gale stays by my side the entire time as my protector.  It is in the second room of beds that I turn on my first genuine smile after seeing one particular face.

               “Prim!”  My sister is sitting there cleaning out an arm wound, but smiles when she sees that it is me.

               “Katniss!” She screams.  “I had heard about what happened.  I was hoping that you would be coming by soon.”  We hug and give kisses to each other.  She catches me up on the latest in her work, telling me there has been much to do with all the wounded.  We chat for about ten minutes before she looks at her watch.

               “Look, I’ve got to go now.  The head doctor has a patient who has been in a coma since the invasion.  He wanted me to come up and check it out to see if I had any suggestions.” 

“Go!  Go!”  I shoo her away and shout out to her my love as she heads to the elevators. 

               I continue on meeting with the men and women there and am happily surprised when I come across Finnick in the last room.  He smiles so big I can see his dimples.

               “Katniss,” he gleams.  “It’s good to see you.”  He sees my expanded belly and immediately his face gets downcast. 

“Oh, no.” he says.  Tears start forming in his eyes.  “Oh God, Katniss, I’m so sorry.  I was right there and saw him pushing that little boy towards us as the bombs went off.  We were all thrown back by it.  It was so hazy that when I came to my senses Cato and I couldn’t find Peeta anywhere.  I….I…it’s my fault.”  His takes his head into his hands in shame.

“Finnick,” I say as I lift his head back up to look at me.  “It’s no one’s fault,” I take his hand.  “There was nothing you could have done.  Peeta made his choices.  I guess I should feel lucky that at least there is a part of him left behind.”  I touch my abdomen, and this brightens Finn up.

“You’re right,” he replies.  “He’s still with us this way.”  I talk to my friend a little longer, telling him what I know of Annie and his son.  After that, I have completed my duties here and am ready to go wherever my next stop will be. 

As I pass the information desk, I suddenly hear a voice calling out.  “Miss Everdeen!  Wait, please!”  I stop and turn in the direction that the shout was coming from.

A nurse comes running up to me out of breath.  “Miss Everdeen.  Your sister just called down here.  She wanted me to tell you that you should go up to the second floor immediately.  Room 224”

“Ok.” I have no idea what my sister is up to, but I guess I have to find out.  “Thank you.” I tell the woman, and shrugging to Gale turn to find the elevators.  We go up to the second floor and I use the signs to locate room 224.  I Prim is right outside of the door waiting for me.

“Prim, what is going on?” I ask.

“You know that coma patient I told you about?” she begins.

I nod.   “Yeah, what about it?”

“He’s waking up,” she tells me.

I am still not seeing her intention.  “Ok.  Um…Do you want me to go in there and talk to him or something?”

“Katniss,” Prim says slowly, “it’s Peeta.”  Once more I feel stuck in place, feeling like I had been hit in the stomach.  Gale comes behind me thinking I am going to fall down, but after a moment I manage to compose myself.  Once I fully realize what is going on, though, I don’t hesitate.  I push Prim aside and open the door to look into the room.

I stand in the doorway and see him.  He is lying on the bed, blonde waves tussled.  I can see some burn marks on his neck, but the rest of him is covered up by a sheet.  What is most important is that his eyes are opening.  I watch them flutter, then try to focus as they fully see me.  The blue is as crystal clear as I remember.

“Katniss,” His voice is strained, but still beautiful to my ears. 

I quickly walk over and sit on the bed next to him.  “Peeta.” I take his hand in mine and begin placing a couple of kisses on it.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” I tell him.  “We can talk about it later. Just focus on getting better.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he states.  “You are here, real or not real?”

“Real, Peeta.” I reply. 

“And I’m not going anywhere.”

Chapter Text

Peeta’s POV

               “I’m not going anywhere.”  I hear Katniss say to me as come out of the groggy state that I seem to be waking up from.  I don’t know exactly where I am or what happened.  The last thing I remember is pushing a young boy out of the way before everything was fuzzy.  For a moment, I thought I might have actually died and gone to heaven, especially when I had an angelic vision on Katniss surrounded by light.  But it turns out that she was real.  She is here.  We are together again. 

               I am about to ask her about what happened to me when our attention is drawn to the door opening.  We both turn and see a man who is obviously a doctor with Prim standing beside him.  That must have not been a dream either.

               “Hello, Mr. Mellark.  Miss Everdeen.” a familiar face begins.  “It’s good to see you again.  I hope you remember me from my visits in District 13.”

“Hello, Dr. Aurelius.” I reply.  “It’s good to see you too.”

 The doctor smiles.  “Primrose here informed me that you had woken up.   So glad that you have come back to us.”

               “Can you tell me what happened?” I ask. “I don’t remember much.”

               “You were brought in with the rest of the wounded,” he tells me.  “The only information we could get was that you had been found by soldiers, but none were from your squadron or could tell us your name.”  He stops talking for a moment to place his stethoscope on my chest.  Aurelius listens for a few minutes, and then nods in satisfaction before speaking again.  “I was only brought in on your case a few days ago.  Of course, I recognized you, and so did my young assistant here once she saw you today.  We knew it was only a matter of time before you woke up.”

               I slowly run my hands through my hair which I can feel had been singed in some places.  “How long have I been out?”

               “A couple of weeks,” he informs me.  “You had some extensive burns on part of your upper body and left leg.  The emergency medics tried to save it, but the damage was too bad and it had to be amputated.”  It is only then that I notice that my left side seems a lot lighter than my right.  Something is definitely missing. 

               I look at Katniss who is rubbing circles on the palm of my hand trying to calm me.  It’s the same gesture I always did for her. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers.  With shaking hands, I slowly pull the sheets away.  I see my right leg laying there with burn scars running all the way down to just below my knee.  On the left side, is an empty space.  My thigh ends in a stump that looks angry with red scar tissue.  I must look absolutely horrified because the doctor speaks up again.

               “I’m so sorry,” Aurelius says.  “The scars should continue to heal some over the next few weeks and it will eventually look better.  We will be happy to fit you with prosthesis and give you physical therapy until you are used to it.”

               “Thank you doctor,” I tell him somberly.  “I know you tried your best.”

               He nods.  “Get some rest now.  I’ll leave you for now and come back to check on you later.” 

The man turns and begins to leave, but stops at the doorway.  “I’m so glad that you found each other again,” he says quietly.  “Come along, Miss Everdeen.  We have more patients to see.”  With that, the doctor continues on his way.

 “I’m so glad you woke up, Peeta.  She missed you,” Prim nods her head in Katniss’ direction.  She leaves to follow Dr. Aurelius and I turn my focus again on the beautiful angel in front of me.

               “Well,” I say with a huff, “I guess I’m damaged goods now.  Still want me?”  I am maybe only half joking.

               Her grey eyes bore into mine.  “Always,” Katniss says.  “You’re alive.  I’ll take you in any way I can.”

               I smile, and finally feel awake enough to take her in.  I look at her face first, glowing with love in that softer look she doesn’t show very often.  I make my way down and notice that she is wearing a uniform of some kind.  Why is she wearing that?  Was she a part of the invasion?    It only takes me a few more seconds, though, to see the large bulge coming out of her belly.  There can be only one explanation for that.  My eyes widen in shock.

               “You’re….you’re….you’re pregnant?” I must be asking the most stupid question of all time.

               Katniss nods her head happily, placing a hand over her abdomen.  “Yes, I am.  Very much so.”

               My mind races.  How could this be?  The only possible explanation I can come up with is that Coin must have come up with someone to pair Katniss with and he was able to do what I could not.  Immediately I feel jealous and hurt.  It should be mine.  But, looking at Katniss, she seems so at ease right now, so happy with her situation.  I know Katniss. She wouldn’t act like this if she didn’t care about the man she was matched to.  I decide to put on a smile to try and show my happiness at her condition.

               “Your husband must be very happy about it.” I say as cheerily as I can.

               Katniss gives a little scowl at my reaction.  “I had hoped so,” she says.  “But I just told him so I think he might still be processing the information.”

               Wait a minute.  She just told him?  I take in a deep breath as the realization hits.  She is talking about me.  Katniss is saying that I am the father.

               “But, that’s imposs…I mean, you weren’t when we were…”  I can’t seem to complete any sentences at the moment.

               “It happened the last night,” she says softly.  I remember back to that night and how desperately we made love then. 

               “Oh my god,” I say unbelievingly.

               “I know,” she agrees.  “The fates definitely haven’t been kind to us, have they?”

               “Not at all,” I can’t help but say with a chuckle.  Wow.  I have just woken up after being knocked out for weeks to find out that I have lost my leg, and I am going to be a father.  It seems that today is just full of surprises.  I wonder how much more of this reality I can take.  I decide to risk it.

               I look straight at the bulge in Katniss’ stomach.  “Can I touch it?” I ask hesitantly 

She looks at me like she is frustrated that I would even ask, but then her eyes soften.  “Of course you can.” 

I reach my arm out towards her and lovingly place my hand on her belly.  It feels round and firm.  Suddenly, there is a distinct bump inside the palm of my hand.  I immediately look up at Katniss.

“Did you feel it?” she asks. 

I just goofily nod my head.  The emotion of what I feel at this moment is so powerful.  I just felt our baby move.  I lovingly begin to caress the swollen area. 

“I love you so much,” I say.  I can tell that Katniss knows that for this one time I am not talking to her.

“You are going to be amazing father, you know,” she tells me.  I sit up and focus on her again. “That’s why you have got to do your best to get better, okay?”

“Alright,” I say putting my hands up in the air in surrender with a smile.  “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

“Nope,” she says knowingly.  She crawls up into the bed. I place my arms around her as she lays there snuggled into my chest.  We talk and tell stories for hours.  Katniss relays everything that happened to her in Thirteen.  How she found out she was pregnant not long after I left.  Her despair both thinking I had remarried and then dead.  How she was brought to the Capitol to assassinate Snow, and watching as the people rioted instead.  I, in turn, describe how I left the marriage ceremony and went into the forces.  I talk of the training, Paylor’s help, and the invasion.  It’s difficult to speak of the last part, because the feelings and emotions are so fresh.

“I just hope I never have to do anything like that ever again,” I say as I end my story.

“It’s over now,” she gives me a kiss on the cheek.  “Why don’t you get some sleep?  You’ve had a lot happen for one day.”

I lie down on the bed and pull the covers up.  Katniss goes over to the small fold up bed that the hospital had brought in for her once we told them that she was going to stay.  I know it can’t be comfortable for her in her condition.  I want to go over and tell her that I will take it and she can have the real bed.  But I also know that stubborn Katniss would never allow it.   I finally decide it’s a battle I am not willing to fight tonight, so I close my eyes and let the sleep overcome me.

My dreams find myself back in the streets of the Capitol.  I am armed and ready, heading once more to the Presidential Palace.  I look around, trying to find anyone or anything familiar.  Finally, I see her in the distance.  Katniss, trying to get her bow and arrow ready to aim around her stomach where the baby is.  I smile, until I also hear the alarming sounds in the air.  It’s the bombs and from the direction of the noise it is coming towards where she is.  I run, trying to reach her in time before disaster happens.

Just as I am about to get near to Katniss, I wake with a start.  I am sitting straight up in my bed, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.  Before I am completely aware of my surroundings I feel a smaller body come next to mine and soft hands begin running through my hair.  A kiss is placed on my forehead.

“It’s okay, Peeta.  It was just a nightmare,” she whispers into my ear.  The consistent feel of her calming words helps to bring down my rapid heartbeat.  A few minutes later I find that I am in a sense back to normal.

“Thank you,” I tell her and kiss her lightly on the lips.

“You’re welcome,” she answers.  “You’ve done the same for me, remember?”  I do and sleepily put my arms around Katniss as we fall asleep together in the bed.  I can’t help but think that this is the way it should be.

The next morning, the work begins in earnest.  Dr. Aurelius checks out the scar and tissue on my stump and taking measurements tell me it will take a couple of days for my new leg to be made.  In the meantime, I start physical therapy where they have me doing some exercises to make what remains of my left leg stronger.  Katniss stands beside me through it all.  The trainer is a tough taskmaster, but I struggle through.  At one point, though, on the third day I am ready to throw in the towel when he wants twenty more pushes from me.  I decide to revolt.

“No more!” I yell.  “I’m done.  It really hurts right now.”

Katniss walks over to me then and gets down on the floor mat with me. “I know you’re in pain, but you need to finish this.”  She stops and places her hand on my good thigh with a wicked smile.  “I’ll give you a kiss for each one you do.” she tempts me.  Well then, if that is going to be my reward…

I manage to do one push and then stop to smile and look directly at her.  Katniss giggles and gives me a peck on the cheek. 

“You’re going to have to do better than that if I keep going!” I tell her.

“Then show me you can!” she challenges right back at me.

 I immediately accomplish another push with even more energy.  This gets me another peck from Katniss, but this time it’s on the lips.

“That’s better.”  I sigh.

“Keep going there, buddy, and see how much better it can get.” She is absolutely incorrigible as she wiggles her eyebrows at me.  But, I’ve gone too far to stop now.  I quickly manage the rest and when finally done, turn to Katniss for my reward.  And boy, what a reward it is as I receive a lingering open mouthed kiss.

“Good job.” she tells me.  “I knew you could do it.”

As promised, my new prosthetic finally arrives days later and they attach it to my stump.  I thought it would be strange, but the material they have made it out of almost feels and looks like my natural leg would.  I attempt to walk on it.  Although I am a little wobbly, it is a fantastic feeling to be able to move again.

               “You will need a couple of weeks to train properly with it, but hopefully after that we can let you go home,” Dr. Aurelius states.  “The scar tissue has healed nicely, so as long as you get it checked every few months for infection, you should be just fine.”

               I nod, and practice constantly to get used to and walk confidently on my new leg.  Katniss continues to watch as I work with walkers, parallel bars, and canes to get it just right.  She doesn’t leave my side and as always we continue to sleep together.  Having her near me dulls the nightmares.

               It’s when Aurelius evaluates me a fortnight later and says that in two days he’ll give me a final check and discharge me that we actually decide to talk about the future.

               “What do you want to do when we leave?” I ask her as we sit together on the balcony of my hospital room.

               She looks up into the sky and sighs.  “I want to go home. To District 12.”

               “There’s not much left there.” I argue.  “Where would we stay?”

               “I was thinking,” she begins.  “I want to find out if my father’s place by the lake it still intact.  I’ve wondered if it could have been far enough away to escape the damage from the bombs.  If so, we could stay there.”

               It sounds logical and perfect for our plans.  Katniss then turns the question around to me.  “What do you want when we get home?”  

               This is the opportunity I was hoping for.  I hold her hands in mine, gazing into the grey orbs.  “I want to marry you,” I tell her. 

               She just breathes in and out for a few moments, then gives me a gentle kiss, “Yes, always yes." She looks down for a moment. “But Peeta, do you think they will allow it?  They’ve tried so hard to keep us apart.”

“I don’t really care what they think.” I tell her.  “Besides, they should know that we are together here.  They would have separated by now if it was that important.  And we’re a success story, remember?  We’re having a baby as they wanted.” 

I take her hand in mine.  “Either way, I am marrying you again no matter what they do.  Nothing is going to take me from you again.” Katniss nods heartily, and I place my arm around her waist to bring her in for a deeper kiss.  Breathless, we lay there in the silence, just basking in the happiness we feel being together.

               The two days pass quickly, and Dr. Aurelius gives me a final examination and smiles.  “You’ve done really well, Mr. Mellark.  It’s healed remarkably.  I wish you all the best.”  He shakes my hand before leaving the discharge papers on top of the dresser. 

I head back to my room where Katniss has already begun to pack the few things we have. We are holding hands and feeling almost giddy, when there is a knock at the door.

“Who could that be now?” I look over at Katniss.  She gives a scowl at the intrusion. The door opens and in walks Haymitch.

“This can’t be good,” she mutters under her breath.

“Nice to see you too, sweetheart,” Haymitch retorts.  “Boy,” he nods his head towards me.  I give a curt nod in return.

“What do you want this time?” Katniss finally asks.

“A council has been set up temporarily to govern Panem until elections can occur,” he begins.  “One of their first orders of business is to look at each couple that was matched through the programs set up by the leadership.  You are ordered to appear tomorrow morning at 9:00 in the council room of the new administration building.

“What are they going to do to us?” I ask.

“Talk to you both.  Question you about what was going on in District 13.  I don’t know much else beyond what I have told you,” he says honestly.  “Believe me.  I have only been given the task of giving the orders to appear.  I don’t know their plans other than they are looking closely at each relationship.”

“Could they prevent us from trying to marry again?” Katniss asks.  We look at each other knowing this is our greatest fear with this news.

Haymitch just shrugs.  “Right now, anything is possible.”  The old District 13 victor  graciously leaves us alone then. 

After the door closes behind him, Katniss lets out a scream.  “Why can’t they just leave us alone!”

All I can do is just shake my head. Once more, we spend a night not sleeping and holding each other tightly.  We can both visualize Coin and her cronies now in power and ruling over all of us to whatever their bidding might be.  I am determined that no matter what happens at this council, that I cannot let Katniss go again.  I will do everything in my power to fight for us.

All too soon the sun rises, and we get up and dressed.  Not many words are exchanged, but we are never far from each other.  Always within the range of being able to touch.  At ten minutes to nine, we make our way down the transport tube and walk the streets to the building that will house the new government of Panem.  As we enter the front lobby, we see that there is an information desk.  The two of us walk up and give our names.

“Yes,” the female working at the desk states after typing in her computer.  “I see your names here.  Please go down that hallway over there,” she points towards a corridor to the right,” and sit in the chairs that are outside the chamber doors to the left.  They will call you in when they are ready.”

“Thank you,” I tell her and we find our way as she instructed.  We sit in some cold metal chairs that have been placed to the side of some heavy wooden doors.  I can hear that there is talking going on inside, but I cannot clearly make out what is being said. 

We hold hands as we wait.  Katniss’ is shaking like it did that first day they placed us together.  I repeat the gesture I did then, rubbing circles over the tops of her hands.  Thirty minutes passes and then the doors open and a voice finally calls out.  “Peeta Mellark!  Katniss Everdeen!”

We both stand up and a guard pushes the door open more to allow us in.  We enter into a large room.  At the end is what looks to be a long table with five people sitting at it.  There are two chairs in front of it.  They are metal ones similar to what had been out in the corridor.  We make our way down the long aisle and as we get close, I am astonished.  I was expecting to see Coin, but instead, who I find at the head of the table is someone even more familiar to me.

“Commander Paylor,” I salute as we finally arrive before them.

“Soldier Mellark,” she begins.  “Good to see you are up and walking again.  I take it this is Miss Everdeen who you spoke to me of?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I answer.  Katniss nods her head.

“Thank you both for being here today,” she states.  “We have asked you here to discuss Alma Coin’s repopulation program.  The council has heard about the liberties she has taken with her power and how it has affected the many citizens in her control.  Therefore, we are gathering information from every couple about their experience.  From what we learn, we will decide if action needs to be taken again Coin and her associates.“

“We understand,” I say.  Paylor nods and picks up some documents on her table.

“I see two papers here regarding your relationship.  One is a marriage certificate, and the other is a divorce decree.  Is this correct?” she asks.

“Yes,” we both say.

“Did you choose to be married?” she questions.

“Not at that time,” I answer.  I explain the announcement of the reaping and how Katniss and I were paired together.  We tell her how the program expected each couple to get pregnant as soon as possible, and when it thought that we had failed, they made us divorce.

“You did not willingly choose to divorce?” Paylor inquires.

“No,” we both reply boldly. 

“We had fallen in love and wanted to stay married.” Katniss elaborates. “They did not give us that choice,” Katniss explains how the leadership continually decided our fates.

“Well,” the leader says with a small laugh.  “I can see that in the end you did not fail in your task, did you?”

We both smile at this, “No, we didn’t,” I answer.  I give her a few small details that fill in the blanks on how we ended up from there to being together again now.  The invasion.  Finding each other at the hospital.

“So, am I to understand that given the choice, you wish to be married?” she asks.

“Yes,” both of us are nodding fervently.

 “More than anything.”  Katniss pleads.

Paylor whispers with her companions for a few moments, and then turns back to us.  “Then, I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t just tear this document up.”  She takes the divorce decree and rips it up with her hands.

We both stand open mouthed at this development.  “So that means?” I say hesitantly.

“It means,” the commander says with a knowing smile, “that the only valid document I see in front of me is a marriage certificate.  In the eyes of the law, that is all that counts.”

“We’re married?” Katniss states unbelievingly.

Paylor simply nods her head.  “Legally, yes.  Whether you would like a ceremony to make it official is up to you.”

Elated, I take my wife in my arms and hug her tightly to me, giving her a soft kiss.  I turn back to the council.  “Thank you so much, Commander. You have no idea how much this means to us.”

“You are more than welcome,” she replies.  “We appreciate your help.  Coin will see her due for her actions.”  Paylor begins to shuffle her paperwork.  “Now, go home and enjoy your life together.”

“We will!” I state.  With that, I take Katniss by the hand and we almost run out of the room.  It’s almost too good to be true, but when we are finally in the hallway outside, I finally turn to her.

“Hello wife,” I say brushing her hair back.

“Hello husband,” she answers.  We kiss again, this time more passionately until we are breathless.  When we finally come up for air, my wife has one more thing to say.

“Come on.  Let’s go home.”

Home.  District 12.  The only home we have ever really known.  How much is left of it remains to be seen.

Chapter Text

Katniss' POV

I lean on Peeta’s shoulder as we ride on the hovercraft that is taking us home. I am so comfortable that I think I could even fall asleep. At a little more than seven months pregnant, I am getting tired easily these days since it is so hard to rest with the awkwardness of my body. I snuggle in some more and smile as I close my eyes.

In the eyes of those in charge now, we are married. I still couldn't believe that Paylor had just ripped apart the divorce document and let us be together as we wanted. After everything that has happened I am still pretty suspicious of anyone in leadership, but Peeta's former commander really seemed like she wanted to help us. I decide to just take this gift and be grateful to be heading home with the man I love.  Finally free to start our lives together and get ready to have our baby.

I must have been asleep for some time, because before I know it, Peeta nudges me awake.

"Katniss, we're here,” he says quietly in my ear.

I open my eyes and stretch. “Already?” I ask.  “I feel like we just left.”

My husband gives a little laugh.  “You must have really needed that nap.”

“I guess so.” I admit as I stand up.  “Come on.  Let’s go see what’s out there.” 

He takes my hand and leads me off of the transport. As my feet touch the ground of my district for the first time in over a year, I gasp. Everything around me is a dull grey color. Where the train station and merchant housing used to be there is only now some piles of ashes. I can only imagine what the Seam must look like. I glance at Peeta’s face and I can tell that he is in shock as well. Neither of us knew what we were going to see, but I don't think we could have ever in our wildest dreams imagined this…total devastation.

Gripping my hand tighter, Peeta begins to walk and I simply follow him. As befits his personality, he heads in the direction of my old home first. We trek the couple of miles to where the line of Seam houses used to be.  Formerly this would be the place where small shacks for miner families would have been, but all we find now is nothing but more grey dusty ground.

When we finally reach the place where my house once stood, I just blankly stare at the open space. In the sadness I feel, it's not about the loss of the actual structure, but the memories I had there. I think of my father singing to us when I was little and Prim smiling as she would pet Lady. I also remember our neighbors. The hardworking folk who are now no more. I grieve for a few moments, and Peeta just holds me with his arms wrapped around my waist.

Once I have composed myself enough, we then head to where the main part of the town used to be. All we see is more emptiness. We locate where the Hall of Justice had been, and I think of sweet Madge and her friendship. Eventually, we make it to the spot where the bakery was. I feel Peeta freeze, and he just stands still and silent for a minute.  Then, he finally lets go of the composure he had been keeping. I watch him as he just stares at the space, until he finally begins to cry.

“I’m so sorry.” I hear him call out through the sobbing.

Not being great at dealing with emotions, I am unsure what to do at first to help him.  So, I just decide to hold my husband as he had me. 

“It’s okay.” I say comfortingly.   

I'm not sure that Peeta ever fully grieved for his family during this whole ordeal. And now, in this moment, he is finally having the chance. He has lost so much, yet has stayed strong through it all. I wrap my arms around him and just let Peeta have the time he needs as he buries his face into my shoulder.

Eventually, Peeta’s sobs die down and he lifts his face up.  "I know we had our problems, but I did love them." he notes. He focuses his gaze on the ground in front of him. "I'm going to rebuild it. Start fresh. It's what I know." He looks thoughtfully, "It's who I am."

“If that’s what you want, I think that sounds like a great way to honor them.” I reply with a smile.

My husband then looks directly in my eyes with the tears still shining in them. I am asking him my silent question. "I'm okay," he answers while running his hand down my braid, "I have you and the baby now."

"You do." I touch his cheek gently in reply. "And we love you very much." He gives a small smile at this and after one more look back at the hallowed ground lets me know we can move on.

Finally, we come to find the old Victor's Village. To our amazement, the houses here are still standing. It's too much to consider the reasoning, but Peeta and I are just grateful that at least something of the district was left. Not only that, but as we draw closer we can see that there are inhabitants. Lights are on, and we can barely make out some figures through the windows of each of the dozen homes. I note that there is what seems to be a city of tents that has built up on the left side of the circle. People are returning.

"I guess we are not the first to come back," I say to Peeta.

"Obviously not," I hear him reply. "It's a good sign."

We walk towards the patchwork village until we are noticed. A group of people begin to emerge from some of the houses. It's dark and I can't make out any familiar features very well, except that one of the figures begins to run in our direction. As the femaie draws nearer, I smile broadly as I recognize that it is Delly approaching us.

"Peeta! Katniss!" She is almost crying with joy. "You're here. I can't believe it!" She envelops me in a hug first followed closely by Peeta.

"We've come home Delly," Peeta says.

"Well," she giggles, "you've come back to find the little that’s left here. Most of us are originally from Twelve, although there are a few from other places." She looks back at all of the people who are observing our interaction. "Greasy Sae came back, and I'm here with Thom." 

This last statement has us curious, and our friend explains. "After Fred's death, Thom and I became friends. And when the war ended, he asked me to marry him."

"That's wonderful Delly," I tell her.

"He's been so kind, Katniss. He's great with Lila, too. Treats her like she is his own." She looks over softly at the tall familiar young man who is now coming to join us. "We're leading the rebuilding plan for Twelve."

Thom reaches us and shakes first Peeta's hand and then mine. He then stands next to his wife and puts his arm around her.  "Oh, and I'm expecting a baby, too," the young woman adds.  I watch as Delly looks up at him with adoring eyes.

"Congratulations," Peeta says to the couple.

"Thank you.” Thom chimes in.  “You're both probably exhausted.  Let’s find you a place to sleep tonight." We're led in to one of the houses where we are greeted by everyone. Some are vaguely familiar, and others are new to us who we are introduced to. It's obviously a communal existence at the moment, but Thom shows us the drawn up plans for houses, a new justice building, and little start up shops. My husband throws in his ideas for a new bakery, and they are happily added in.

"We have been promised by the interim government wood and other supplies to start building," he tells us. "The trains should be arriving with everything we need to start next week." At that moment we hear that dinner is served and it is then that we see Greasy Sae.

"Hello there you two," she chuckles at us. "Thought you got rid of old Sae, didn't ya?"

"Never," I reply. "I just wasn't sure you would be up to coming back here."

"Well, someone's gotta cook for all these folk," she says while continuing to place food out on the long table.

"I saw the oven here," Peeta notes. "I'll start baking some bread as soon as I can get ingredients."

"I can still hunt a little for now," I add. "Get you some fresh meat, too."

"Sounds good," the old women states, "We need the food, and bread's one thing I've never mastered. We might have enough of what you need to get started. Supplies come each week if the train can get through so you can get what you are missing then." Peeta nods and everyone joins in to eat the prepared meal. It's hearty and filling, and afterwards, we immediately head up to our room. Exhaustion has overtaken us both, and all we want is to sleep. I curl up next to my husband on the bed and cozily let my mind drift off into the land of dreams.

The next morning, it is time to check on my father's house by the lake. We wake early and get dressed to give us enough time for everything we have planned for today.  The sun has just come up as we begin walking the few miles it will take to get there. I find my hidden bow and arrows still in their place. I’m glad they are so that I can hunt like I promised. After about an hour into our trek, though, I begin to tire out a little. Peeta notices and immediately is concerned.

"Are you sure you can handle this? It might not be good for the baby," he offers.

I scowl at him, unable to hide my stubborn side. "I'm fine. As long as I take enough breaks."

Peeta wisely decides to not fight me this time, so we continue our walk. It's slow, with me stopping to shoot a bird or squirrel every once in a while and my engorged middle hindering my speed. But by almost ten, we finally make it to the lake.

I look around and immediately spot it. The small structure that my father built to be a shelter in the woods. I take Peeta's hand excitedly and take him towards it.

"It's still here!" I call out.

My husband grins at me as we draw close and enter through the wooden door. We take a glance inside to see what awaits us. It's not large. Only enough space to house a bed, a table and chairs, and some semblance of a place to cook. But, I think it is enough for our needs at the moment. Peeta takes everything in, as well.

"What do you think?" I ask him.

"It's great," he says with a smile. "Are you sure you would rather be here than with everyone else?"

"Yeah," I sigh and nod. "They're great, but I really want a place just for us."

Peeta looks around again in thought for a minute.  "Alright," he finally agrees. "It is beautiful here."

“Our first home in a way.” I note.  “Kind of a nice thought, isn’t it?”

“Definitely,” Peeta replies, and draws me in for a kiss.

We spend the rest of the day trying to get settled in. It takes a few hours to return to District 12 and grab the few bags we have with our few clothing items. The group shares some food and other necessities from their supplies with us.  Not wanting to wait, we go back to the lake again and eventually arrive as the sun has just set.  We are so exhausted that we only have enough energy to eat a little and then go straight to bed.

“It’s been a whirlwind couple of days, hasn’t it?” Peeta says as we lay snuggled together in the bed.

“Yeah, hopefully things can finally settle down now.” I answer.   “No more war, no more interference into our lives.”

“Sounds good to me,” he replies.  Then with a soft kiss to the forehead we sleep once more.

After that, we quickly settle into a new routine once more. Peeta goes to the village each day to use the ovens to bake. Everyone is grateful to have fresh bread again. After a couple of weeks, trains with building materials finally arrive and Thom organizes everyone to different tasks in beginning the construction. They decide to work on housing first so that everyone can get settled, but I along with those structures I see foundation being poured for the bakery, as well.  I’m standing alongside Peeta as we watch it happen.

“It’s going to be great,” I promise.

“I can only hope so,” my husband remarks.  He always sounds wistful when it comes to talking about the shop.  “I can only hope that I can run it as well as he did.”

I place hand gently on his arm.  “You can and you will,” I say.  “I know he would be proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Peeta replies.  “It means a lot to hear you say that.”  I nod, and we move on to check on the rest of the building work.

For the first month, I am still able to hunt. Peeta frets over me doing this.  He is worried that I will begin climbing trees and injure myself or the baby, but I assure him that I will stay on the ground. Eventually, though, even I have to admit defeat. With only weeks left until I am due, my large middle will just not allow me to do it anymore.

I start spending my days resting at home, and of course, I am quickly bored out of my mind.  "UGH!" I scream. "I wish this baby would get out already. I'm tired of just sitting around. I need to get out."

"Why don't you just take a short walk each day?" Peeta suggests quietly. He is trying to calm me down. "It will give you a little exercise and sunshine for a little bit. If you get tired you can always come back home."

“Okay, I can give it a try,” I shrug. I decide that the idea was at least better than nothing. The next day, I walk a few times around the lake. Soon enough, I am able to manage making it to the village to visit Delly and Sae. I end up going only every other day or so, as daily treks prove too much. They become my favorite times, and I count the minutes until I can put on my shawl and head out.

When we talk, there is pretty big news coming out of the Capitol now. The Council finally ordered Coin to appear in front of them and brought the charges against her of using her power to manipulate and control people. The woman was a fighter, claiming that she believed she was doing good for the country, but there was too much evidence against her. Especially damaging was the information they gathered from Haymitch Abernathy which detailed Coin's agenda to gain power in Panem. The former leader was stripped of any power, and placed on a strict work detail in the factories of District 2, where she will be constantly supervised to make sure she does not cause trouble again. And the one in charge of her movements is none other than my old friend Gale Hawthorne. That should be fun to watch. The council will continue to remain in charge of the country until plans are completed for elections in six months.

A couple of weeks after these developments, I receive a note in the mail.

Hello Sweetheart,

I told you I would do what I could to help.  I only hope that now you are satisfied about what my intentions have always been.

My best to you and the boy.

-HA

One day, instead of my usual jaunt to the village, I head in the opposite direction. I breathe in the fresh air of the trees and glory in the sunshine that comes through them. I am not paying attention and have lost track of the time when I find myself having reached the meadow. It's the first time I have made it here since we returned, and instead of the green I remember, it is now brown and grey, dirty and muddy. I look around and notice different sized mounds spread throughout the area.

"That's the first thing they did," a grizzled voice calls out, "buried the dead that they found. Not that there was much left." I turn to find Greasy Sae solemnly looking out onto the open area.

I look back and begin to quietly sob. "So much loss," I whisper.

"Yes," the old woman replies, "but don't you go set your mind on that. You focus on the now. On what you have gained and will be gaining soon." She gently touches my abdomen. "Because of the war, now all of us and this one inside you have a future ahead. They," she nods her head toward the meadow, "wouldn't want you to be stuck in the past."

I know she's right. "Thank you," I tell her.  My mind has been eased by her wisdom, and suddenly, I have an idea.

“Can I ask you a favor?” I say with hesitation.

“Of course, girl.”  Sae answers.  “Anything.”

“Would you help me with the birth when it's time?” I ask. “My mother is still in Thirteen and I really need someone experienced with me."

My old friend smiles and touches my cheek.  "Of course, girl," she speaks. "You, the boy, and these people are all I have.  I will help wherever I am needed."

I smile, thank her, and finally head home, feeling lighter than I had in quite a while. She was right.  I shouldn’t stay stuck on everything lost in the war, but keep my eyes on what I have.  I definitely have something to look forward to. I get home and give Peeta a kiss as I enter.

"Someone's feeling better," he notes.

"Yeah," I tell him.  “I do. Let's get ready to have a baby."

Over the next couple of weeks, things seem to happen at a rapid pace as we get closer to my due date. The people of the District throw a small shower for me, where I am given a cradle that the men had made from some of the extra wood, and linens, clothes, and cloths that the women had sewn. Peeta and I are overwhelmed with their generosity.

"If there is nothing else we have learned here," Thom says. "It’s that we're all in this together. We have to support each other."

The days tick by and Peeta is watching over me every minute like a hawk. Finally, in the middle of the night, I feel pains in my lower regions. They are a little dull at first, but then become sharper and closer together. When I finally feel a stinging pain and then liquid coming out of me, I wake my husband.

"Peeta, get up," I say while trying to take deep breaths. "My water broke. Go get Sae."  He opens his eyes and after a moment to get his head on straight, widens his eyes as he realizes what is going on.

"Right," he tells me quickly. “It’s time.  Just let me get dressed.”  He stumbles out of bed and throws his dirty clothes from the previous day on.

"I'll be back soon, I promise." He gives me a kiss and bolts out the door.

My husband is true to his word as long before I expected him back he comes running in with Sae behind him. She sees me breathing hard and without a word begins to get towels and other needed materials together. My love sits down on the bed next to me and holds my hand.

The next few hours are full of waiting as my contractions get closer and closer. I yell, scream, and cry at Peeta through the increasing pain. He takes my words about never letting him touch me again after this with a smile and just returns my scathing tone with soothing words in my ear.

Eventually, I hear Sae give the instruction I dread. “Okay, girl.  It’s time to push.”  I sit up a little and attempt to follow her guidance.

I am sweating and straining after trying for what feels like forever.  I am about to give up at one point.

“Come on, Katniss.” Peeta encourages me.  “You can do this.  The baby’s almost here.  I can see the head.”

I give one last shot and with all my might push the area where something is lodged and trying to come out. I keep at it until I feel whatever was there suddenly leave my body. I gasp in relief, leaning back into the pillows on my bed. The next thing I notice is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. The cries of my child fill the silence and I begin to cry. The baby is here. It is safe.

Greasy Sae tales the baby for a few minutes, and cleans it up. I watch her from a distance take a soft warm blanket to wrap it before returning to us.

"There's someone I'd like you two to meet," she smiles at us. She hands the bundle over to Peeta first. He takes it in his arms, and pushes a little bit of the blanket away off its face. He looks up at the older woman.

"It's a girl," she tells us.  Peeta, already in awe, looks back down at the little creature, taking one of her tiny fingers in his large callused ones. He coos at the baby for a moment, whispering words of how her daddy loves her and will always watch out for her. If I didn't think I could fall any more in love with this man, watching this moment proves me wrong.

After a few moments, he finally hands our daughter over to me. I take her in my arms and begin to look over her features. She has dark hair and a delicate angular face with the mouth in what might just be called a scowl.

"Looks just like her mama," Sae adds. "Although, I think you can't mistake who her daddy is, either." I glance again and see what she means. The baby opens her eyes and I see the familiar crystal blue color that captured my heart some time ago.

"She's beautiful," I manage to get out through my tears. I can't get over the amount of joy I feel in this moment holding her.

Peeta moves closer to me so that we are all together. A family. He places a hand on her soft head while I am holding her.

"She's amazing," he notes softly. We just sit there watching her as Sae cleans up and eventually leaves.

"What do you want to name her?" he finally asks.

"I want to name her the one thing that has kept me going through everything that has happened to us." I say. "It's what you have always given me since we have been together." I look into those beautiful blue eyes of his. "If it's okay with you, I want to name her Hope."

"Hope." Peeta lets the name roll off his tongue. He thinks it over for a moment before answering. "I think it's perfect."

"Welcome to the world, Hope Mellark," I tell her and nuzzle her nose as she sweetly closes her eyes to sleep.

The next days and weeks are full of lessons in parenting. We learn to feed, diaper, and put the baby to sleep. I get up in the middle of the night when Hope needs me, and try to gather as much strength as I can through the exhaustion. Everyone comes by to see her, and in turn, I finally start to take her out with me on my walks. I talk to her about hunting techniques, although I know she can't possibly understand yet. Peeta helps tremendously, but at the same time is also busy working and watching over the construction of the bakery.

Time flies so fast, and even though we relish every moment with Hope, before I know it she is already two months old. That night, Peeta comes home all excited.

"Katniss, the bakery was finished today," he says. "Would you like to see it?"

I nod, my excitement matching his. I get myself together, and place the baby in a sling that I wrap around my body. We walk together hand in hand towards the village and go beyond it where the building has been going on. Many houses are fully built or almost at completion.

We keep walking until Peeta stops in front of one particular structure. I look up at the white two stories in front of me with the words Mellark Bakery written in large script above the doorway. I take in how simple yet beautiful the place is.

"Come on and see the inside," my husband tells me. We enter through the door and he first shows me through the lower floor where I see the customer area, as well as the ovens and kitchen in the back. Peeta then takes me upstairs where the family living area is. There are large bedrooms for us and even a couple extra if our family grows. There is a comfortable living space with sofa and chairs, and an intimate kitchen area. One room is set up to be an art space so that Peeta can paint. He really has thought of everything.

"I even put a space at the back door downstairs where you can put your jacket, shoes, and hunting stuff," he informs me.

"It's fantastic," I gush. I really do love it.

"I'm glad you like it," he says with a sigh. "We can move in next week if you want. We don't have to give up the house by the lake. We can keep it so that we have somewhere we can go if we need to get away."

"Which I am sure we will need to do at some point," I laugh.

"Definitely," Peeta agrees. From there, we spend the next week packing anything we would need. There are a few things I will have to order, but we have plates, towels, and other necessities to start.

The following Saturday, we gather everything and lock up the lake house. We walk to what is quickly becoming a real town.  As we get closer, I notice that there is a gathering of people in front of the bakery. There is a noise coming from the group, and soon enough I realize it is not just noise, but singing. I listen to try and hear what the tune is, and stop in my tracks when I finally recognize it. It's not just any song, but the traditional wedding song of District 12.

I turn to look up at my husband. "Peeta?"

I can see from his face at first that he is nervous.. It passes, though, and he eventually takes my hands in his. "I know we are legally married, but I thought that maybe with coming into our new home, that we could finally do this the right way. The District 12 way."

He stops for a minute and takes a deep breath. "Katniss, I love you forever and always. Will you have a toasting with me?"

Between the beautiful song and the love coming from Peeta words, I am flooded over with emotion. I nod my head and barely squeak out a "Yes." He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. With large smiles, we walk through the gathering of well-wishers as we enter the house.

As we close the door, I hear muttered good nights to us as the crowd leaves. Alone, I take Hope upstairs and place her in the waiting crib. When I return to the large living room, I see Peeta is kneeling in front of the fireplace that is now alight with flames. I notice a tray to the side with slices of bread and utensils to toast with. A couple of glasses of wine stand next to the plate.

He motions for me to come over and I join him. We take a few sips of wine first, and then both of us take a slice of bread and place it in the fire. They turn gold then finally a soft brown color when we take them out. Peeta pinches a piece off and places it out for me to eat. I take it and repeat the same gesture for him. He takes it into his mouth and chews it slowly, savoring the moment.

I can't help but to speak. "I love you," I say with everything I am feeling. "More than you will ever know."

"Oh, I can imagine a lot," Peeta jokes softly, but then places his hand on my cheek. "I love you too. So very much." He kisses me then, long and lovingly. With me giving birth, we have had to hold back on this side of our relationship. Having been so long, our kisses deepen quickly, and soon, I can feel his hand slowly undoing the buttons on the back of my dress. He eventually leads me to the bedroom where we begin the process of rediscovering each other.

Later, as we lay in the afterglow, I am amazed at how quickly reality comes back as I hear the soft cries of our little girl. Peeta gives a little groan, but I get up out of the bed and put a robe on.

"The perks of being parents," I tell him as I throw some sleep pants his way.

I head into the nursery and find Hope twitching around. I recognize that she is hungry, so I take her back into our room and sit on the bed to let her attach to me and feed. My husband just sits there and watches the process, and when she is done, he brings the covers up as I lay our daughter down between us.

We just stay there, not sleeping, but just looking at each other with the deepest love. It's a memory I wish I could freeze forever. Here, being with my husband and child and the ability to finally choose our path ahead. In that moment, I think about everything that has happened since the districts were destroyed. I think about my life since my father died, maybe even since I was born. With my family now, there is a feeling I have that I want to relish for the rest of my life.

For the first time, I finally feel free.

Chapter Text

Epilogue-Five Years Later-Katniss POV

 “Can we go for a picnic today, please Mom?  It’s so nice outside!”  I feel the movement of the bed as I knew not one but two little bodies are getting up on it. 

“Pwease!  Pik-nic,” a second voice calls out.  I give up and open my eyes.  I raise my head to see two other sets, one blue, one grey, staring directly at me.  I smile back at them as I finally decide to greet the morning.

“Hey there you two,” I answer.  “Already planning our day?”

“Yes!” the older one cries. “The sun is out, so Zander and I think we go to the meadow and eat outside today. Pretty please?”The girl and boy look at me pleadingly with those puppy dog looks that break me every time.  I laugh inside, wishing that every day could be like this. where the easiest decision is whether to have a picnic or not.

 “I think that is a great idea,” I tell them, and excitement spreads over their little faces.  “We can stop in the bakery later and let Daddy know. Maybe he can join us for a while.”

“Awesome!  We’ll go get dressed now.”  The two tumble off the bed, and Hope runs while her little brother toddles behind her out the door of the bedroom.  I decide to give my children a few minutes for them to attempt dressing themselves before I intervene.  I wash up a little bit and get my usual hunting gear on.  I need to at least try and catch some game this morning before we have our fun.

 When I’m ready and find them, Hope is all decked out properly, and at this moment desperately trying to help Zander get his shirt on.  Unfortunately, his head is stuck in an armhole and my little tiger is screaming at his sister to stop pulling on his head. 

“Hope, stop!” I call out.  “Let me help fix this.”

“But I almost had it,” my daughter whines with a pout.

“I’m sure you did,” I assure her, “but let me take over and you can try again another time.”

“Alright, mommy,” Hope says and gives me a scowl to   let me know that she is still not happy.  She moves away and I approach my little boy.  I take the armhole off of his head, and get his limbs through the right places. 

 “You ready to get out of here?” I ask them once they both have shoes on and hair brushed.  Both of the children nod their heads wildly.  

“Then let’s head out!  I need my best hunting partners out there today.” I tell them.  Both children squeal and run out   I grab my bow, arrows, and old hunting jacket and the three of us head out the back of our home.  We take it pretty leisurely since it is hard for Zander, who is only 18 months old, to keep up. Although five year old Hope runs ahead and then every so often comes back to us to tell us what lies waiting for us.  In time, we finally reach the woods.  As always, I drink in the smell of the trees and instantly feel the security and comfort of this place overtake me. 

It’s the first time we have really been outside in quite a while.  This past winter was pretty harsh, so we were kept indoors for the most of it.  Now, spring is finally here and it is beginning to warm up.  Gale would have loved this kind of day.

My best friend decided to stay in District Two after the rebellion.  He got the high profile job of watching over Coin’s punishment. After that, he has been given a variety of other assignments that have kept him close to the government.  He is respected by all in the Capitol, which is why they keep giving him the best jobs.  Johanna joined here there not long after they had also appeared before the council and declared that they wanted to stay together.  They still argue often and loudly, but love just as fiercely. Their passion for each other is evidenced in the four children they have already with one more on the way.  When she has not been pregnant, Jo helps in administration for soldier training.  We usually see their family two or three times a year when Gale comes to visit his mother and sister.

The three of us walk along the pathways between the trees.  The kids have early on learned to tread quietly through the woods, something their father still has not picked up after so many years.  Hope points out different plants to me, and I am excited later when she spies a gathering of rabbits.  They would make a great stew.  Sae would appreciate having them.

Greasy Sae is still around, and keeping busy as ever.  Even with all the reconstruction, she never actually picked a house to stay at herself.  The old woman just goes from home to home, wherever she is needed most.  When I was due to give birth for a second time, she came back to us in our time of need, helping with cooking and cleaning while I tended to the baby.  I have come to treasure her help, and her wisdom.  She has continually guided me to look forward, not back.

I grab a few of the rabbits and also manage to bring down a couple of squirrels.  The kids just follow along, happy as larks to be helping me hunt by picking up what I shoot and placing them in the game bag. 

“Time to head back,” I tell the children when I decide that we have enough.  They groan, but obediently follow my lead.

As we enter the town, I still stand amazed at how it has come back literally from the dead.  The town center is completely full of shops and restaurants now, and surrounds the new brick Justice building.  From there, smaller shops and homes dot the streets that come off Main.  While there were about only 50 people who returned at first, over the next few years that number grew into the hundreds.  We are now a small, yet thriving community.  Some have gone back to the mines once they were workable again, but we have added making medicines to our industry, as well. 

All of this has been led by Thom, who was the obvious choice for Mayor of District 12 when elections were finally held.  He, with Delly’s support, has done a remarkable job of leading the efforts here and also promoting the area so that more people would come to live in the District.  It has paid off, not only professionally, but personally.  Their family is the epitome of happiness.  Their son, Tommy, was born not long after our toasting.  Since then, they have added another daughter.  Lila has heard about Fred, but for the most part considers Thom her father. Only her red hair makes the beautiful girl stand out from the rest.

Zander, Hope, and I continue our way up the street and I smile as we enter the bakery.  The familiar smell of bread fills my nostrils and the kids dash inside when the door opens.

“Daddy!  Daddy!” they both cry.  “Come look what we caught today.”  Within moments, my husband comes out from the back, hands and apron covered with flour.  His hair tussled as he tries to brush it away out of his eyes.  Hope and Zander show him our haul and he smiles that winning grin only Peeta can give.

“Great job guys,” he gushes.  “Sounds like you were great hunting helpers today.”

“Yeah,” Hope states, “and now we are going to go on a picnic.  Can you come with us?”  She and her little brother give him the same puppy dog looks they had given me earlier.  I know Peeta.  There’s no way he will say no to that.

Peeta thinks about it for a minute.  “Why not,” he finally answers as he looks up at me.  “I’ve got some extra hands today, and I think they can take care of things while we go have lunch.” 

“Gweat Daddy!” Zander squeals and goes to give him a hug.  Hope quickly follows, and after giving their thanks they run upstairs to get ready.  Peeta comes over to me then and puts his arm around my waist to bring me close.  He kisses me long and deep.  I don’t think I will ever get tired of being kissed by him.

When we finally part, I let out a yawn.  My husband laughs.  “Are you tired, or am I have become that boring at kissing?”

“Well…” I reply nudging him in the ribs, “someone was feeling fairly amorous last night and kept me up really late.”

Peeta playfully tickles me on the side.  “Oh, you know you loved it.”

“Yeah, I did,” I answer, “but I’m just tired and your children are VERY energetic.”

He sighs, “I know.  That’s just another reason I am going on the picnic.  I’ll clean up a little here then meet you upstairs in just a few minutes.”  I nod and he returns to the back.  I go up to the second floor and begin to make sandwiches and cut up some fruit for our lunch.  By the time I have it all packed, Peeta has arrived and we are all ready to go.

We walk towards the meadow hand in hand.  All four of us together, with Peeta’s fingers linked with my own.  The kids let go here and there to run around, but stay with us generally.  When we reach the open area, I have to give a small gasp as I see the difference between what it looks like now compared to how it was that first time I came after we returned. 

Where there was once ash and mud all around, now the field is covered with green and the dandelions that signal the season.  The children jump excitedly as they see it. 

“Can we go and play?” they ask.  We allow it and they begin to breeze through the grass.  While they run around, Peeta and I place a blanket out and sit down upon it.  I lean back into his strong arms as we watch the two products of our love.  The girl dances, twirling around and around with her hands high in the air.  Our boy tries to imitate her, but almost completely falls down on his uncoordinated feet.  We just sit there, taking in the joyous moment.

“Oh, I forgot,” Peeta interrupts at one point.  “There were some letters for you.”  He takes out a few envelopes out of his bag and hands them to me.  I look them over to see what news they bring.  I open the first one, which comes from Rue.  She returned back to her home in Eleven after the war, and is a major force there in trade.  Thresh also managed to make it home finally, and they work together at a store their family opened, selling the fresh fruit and game they manage to market.  She writes that she hopes to come to Twelve when Prim does so that we can all catch up together.

Speaking of my sister, the next envelope is more of an invitation size than a letter one.  When I open it, I am not in the least surprised.  My sister stayed in the Capitol after we left, learning all she could as an intern of the good Dr. Aurelius.   She continued to grow in her skills and education, until she finally managed to become a certified doctor herself.  From there, she decided to open a practice in District 8, where the destruction from the bombs was the worst, and therefore, where Prim felt she was most needed. She began dating Rory Hawthorne while finishing her internship, and he followed her when she settled. The announcement in my hand is telling me of their impending wedding.

"Look at this," I tell my husband while handing the card to him. He takes it and glances at the words.

"That's wonderful," he states. "Looks like I'll have to have another chat with Rory." Peeta had taken it upon himself to act as big brother and talk with the Hawthorne boy about how he should treat Prim.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I'll need to call Mom. She's going to be thrilled." My mother stayed in Thirteen for a little while after the invasion, but afterwards has been taking her healing powers on the road. She floats around the districts, helping the local doctors. Sometimes she has even assisted my sister in her practice. I think being nomadic keeps her from lingering in the sadness. Both she and Prim come to Twelve a few times a year to visit with us.

The last letter I open comes from District 4. Finnick and Annie have been an inspiration to us. They returned home not long after he had recovered from his injury. They opened a seafood market, which with their skills brings in the best fish and crab in the country. Little Finn has grown into a sweet and charming boy. Although the couple tried for quite some time to conceive again, they have struggled through a few miscarriages. The last one really threw Annie into a depression and Finnick was desperate about how to help her. We were really worried about them, until a couple of months ago they hesitantly announced that Annie was pregnant again. Understandably, our friends were extremely nervous at first, but their last letter was full of hope as she had passed the first trimester and seemed to be out of danger. I quickly read over their latest news.

"Annie says that she is finally over the morning sickness now, and that they have a new vendor who wants them to provide all the seafood for their restaurants." I relate to Peeta.

"I'm so happy for them," he replies. "If anyone deserves it, they do." I can't help but agree. Things really have turned around since that night everything was destroyed. Life is turning out for the better. So is our country.

About six months after our return to Twelve, elections for a new permanent government of Panem were held. After effectively leading the invasion and her fair dealings while on the Council, Paylor easily won to become President. She has led the country well, and her efforts have finally brought prosperity to the land. Programs to boost economy in each district have been started, such as the one to produce medicine here. That, along with continuing to work the coal has added to the district's ability to market goods. Construction has been a priority, and steady progress has been made everywhere to rebuild. The new government, which includes Haymitch as a representative for our district, continues to put forth new plans and laws to build the people up, not tear them down.

Paylor has also dealt with the population issue. In their investigations, the Council looked at each and every matched marriage that Coin’s program had arranged. Like us, all of the couples were allowed to choose whether or not they wanted to stay together. It turned out about half decided to remain in their marriage and the other half separated.  For instance, while Cato and Clove are still happily matched in their bloodthirsty way, Marvel and Glimmer were one of those who made the mutual decision to divorce. 

While everyone who was married was not forced to have children, there were incentives put in place. Tax breaks and discounts on food and clothing were started so that people would continue to feel comfortable adding to their families and help the populace to grow.

These thoughts finally bring me back to my own children. My eyes turn on them as they continue playing, carefree from any worry. I switch my gaze then to Peeta who is lying on the blanket with his hands behind his head.

"They really are special, aren't they?" I say nodding towards Hope and Zander.

"They really are," he agrees. He slides closer and puts his arm around me to bring me closer. "What do you think about maybe having another one?" He places a hand on my stomach that is not as flat as it was before giving birth.

"I don’t think so right now," I reply with a little nudge, "but maybe in a year or two I might be able to be convinced."

Peeta smiles wickedly at this. "Oh, I bet I can persuade you. I'm very good with words."

"Is that a challenge?" I ask. Two can play at this game.

"One I'm very willing to take on," he states. He is so close that his face is just inches away and of course his lips take mine. It's sweet and familiar, tasting of bread and sugar that is completely Peeta. I get lost in it when I suddenly hear a high pitched voice.

"Ewww! Kissing!" Hope calls out.

Zander can't help but put in his own comment. "Kissy!"  We look up at them, definitely guilty at being caught, but not ashamed.

"Somehow," my husband says as he sits back up, "I think that come ten years from now you won't be saying that."

"Yes, I will!" our daughter argues. "It's gross. Boys are yucky anyway."

"Really?" I say. "What about Zander? Is he yucky?"

Hope rolls her eyes as if we really don't get it. "Zander's no boy. He's just my brother." At this, we can't contain ourselves any longer as Peeta and I laugh out loud. Both kids look at each other in total confusion as to why this would be funny to us. They decide after don’t stop our amusement that we are no longer interesting, so they run off to play again.

When our laughter eventually dies down, I continue watching our two little wonders play.  I must be watching them intently, because so many things race through my head.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Peeta finally inquires.

I turns to him. "I was thinking of how fast they are growing up.  Before we know it they will be old enough to be kissing and falling in love.  I just hope they will be able to love as freely as we do now."

"That's what we fought for, isn't it?" he offers.

"Yeah, it is" I sigh.  Then I turn back to look at Zander and Hope.  "Do you think they will understand when we tell them what happened? How we were forced into our lives together? I would never want them to think their births were only an obligation."

Peeta rises to sit up.  "They won't," he promises. "We'll make them see that we may have been forced at first, but that afterwards, we made the choice to stay together out of love." I look straight into those blue eyes and I can see all that my husband feels for me in them.

He touches my cheek, and then follows that by brushing the spot with his lips. Peeta keeps kissing me until his head begins a descent down my neck. "And I would choose you," he finally says between kisses, "over and over again."

"Always," is my breathless reply.

We stay like that for a few minutes, lost in the feeling, until Peeta releases me and gets up from the blanket. "Come on," he says extending a hand towards me, "I've got to get back soon. Let's go enjoy this while we can."

I take his grip in mine as he helps me up. We walk over to where our children are and, smiling, join them in their game…together.

THE END