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Catch Me I'm Falling

Summary:

“So we can stick to really, really like for now and amend when needed?”

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“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chipmunk, happy birthday to you. And many more!”

“Chipmunk, seriously?” Anderson sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes as his mother walked into the room.

She was carrying a tray with breakfast on it. She always made him breakfast in bed on his birthday, except when she had the crazy shifts at work. This year Ellen Donovan had the whole week between Christmas and New Year’s off. It was rare but she wanted to spend the extra time with her family.

“You're always going to be my chipmunk.” She said as she handed him the tray.

“Mmm, Nutella Pancakes.” Anderson smiled.

“With extra Nutella; just the way you like them.”

“For my 18th birthday can you stop calling me Chipmunk?”

“Not likely.” She shook her head.

“No harm in asking.” Anderson mumbled.

“Make a wish.” Ellen lit the number 18 candle on top of the stack of pancakes. “No wishing for more wishes or that I won't call you chipmunk.”

Smirking, Anderson closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had no idea what to wish for this year. Usually he got gypped one way or another but this year he made out with good presents. It seemed strange that there was nothing to want.

There was nothing Anderson knew he could get anyway. But what was the point of wishing for something you could easily get. What if it came true and all you got was a new bicycle or a leather jacket? Blowing out the candle, Anderson opened his eyes and smiled at his mom.

“Don’t tell me what it was or it won't come true.” She said.

“You’ve been telling me that for as long as I remember.”

“Your stepfather wanted to be here but he had a haul job this morning. He’ll be back later a little later.”

“OK.”

Anderson didn’t care too much. He was more interested in Nutella pancakes and bacon. His mother even made him chocolate milk. He wondered if next year when he came home for the holidays after his first semester of college it would be like this.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“You're the best; you know that right.”

“Don’t make me cry.” Ellen put her hand up to her face.

“If your chipmunk can't make you cry then no one can.” He said.

“No fair.” She sat down on the bed and kissed his cheek. “I love you so much. I know we've had some stutter steps in the past but nothing would ever make me regret winning you in the stork lottery.”

“There's a lottery? Now you tell me.” Anderson hugged her. “I love you too. And I really appreciate breakfast in bed.”

“I want you to enjoy every bite.”

His cell phone rang and Pour Some Sugar on Me came blasting out of the speaker. He knew who it was without even looking. His mother left him alone to enjoy his breakfast and talk to his friends.

“Hey.” Anderson answered.

“Yo, Happy birthday bitch!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Another tradition still going strong.”

“Tell me you're eating Nutella pancakes.”

“I'm eating Nutella pancakes…and bacon too.”

“Your mom totally spoils you.” Amanda said.

“I'm her chipmunk.” Anderson said.

“What are we doing tonight, Chipmunk?”

“I don't know. I hadn’t even thought about it if you can believe it. New Year’s Eve is 3 days away and we’re going to party so hard. I don’t want to overdo it.”

“Of course you do…you're turning 18. You should wake up tomorrow and not even remember last night, which will actually be tonight.”

“I almost understood that.”

“In a perfect world that’s how it would go.” Amanda replied. “We’ll just grab some people and hit the town. I'm thinking Pizza Pete’s. Nothing says birthday like mediocre food and Skeeball. Skeeball kicks ass.”

“We could cram as many people as possible into the photo booth.” Anderson said.

“It’s a date. You bringing the boyfriend?”

“I don't know.”

“Is that going to be your answer for everything today?”

“Hotch and I haven’t really talked since Christmas. We texted a little but he said he had some things that had to be done the past couple of days. I can't expect to take all of his time.”

“Of course you can,” Amanda reasoned. “He's the boyfriend.”

“He's not the boyfriend…we just have a thing.”

“Yeah, a boyfriend thing.”

“He told me that he loved me on Christmas Eve.” Anderson said.

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

Anderson was glad he told Amanda first. Anyone else would’ve squealed and asked for every detail from the specific words to how Hotch was breathing when he said it. Amanda wasn’t like that and that’s why she knew all of his secrets. Anderson didn’t want cheering and squealing, he wanted someone to tell him the truth.

“Was it ‘I love you’ like you say to your grandma or…?”

“Not to sound like a broken record but I don’t know.” Anderson shrugged. “He said, I love you goodnight. And then I texted him and told him he sucked. He said it was better to talk about face to face but we have yet to do that. We’ve only known each other like 3 months, though we've gone to school together for years. How could he love me?”

“What the hell do you mean how could he love you?” Amanda asked. “You have no idea how awesome you are. You're a true friend, Anderson. You have such an adorable face with your weirdly shaped nose. You're a kind-hearted person. You're a magnificent little shithead. It’s impossible not to love you. People who hate fuckin koalas love you. No one normal hates koalas.”

“Thanks.” Anderson smiled as he started on his pancakes. He didn’t want them to get too cold. “I really, really like him. More than anything I just want to know him better and have him be in my life. We don’t need to go to Ikea for curtains and china. I'm not ready for all of that anyway and he surely isn’t. But what's the in between?”

“You're asking the wrong person. I'm a fan of the fuck and run method; I've perfected it over the years. You wait until I get my boobs, I’ll be unstoppable. Oh, Mrs. Garcia helped me make some awesome bras. They're too cute.”

“You're too cute.” Anderson said laughing.

“Just eat your pancakes, birthday boy. I’ll gather some of the troops and we’ll hang out tonight. Come to Penelope’s around seven.”

“I’ll be there. Don’t invite too many people.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know Greta Garbo…you want to be alone.” She said in an exaggerated Swedish accent.

“You're not funny. But that reminds me that we need to watch Grand Hotel again soon.”

“I love you.” Amanda said.

“I love you too. See ya.”

After hanging up, his pancakes were gone in a flash. Anderson was working on the bacon, which had to be savored alone, when he heard a car horn honking outside. It wasn’t that early in the morning, a little after ten, but the driver was going a little bonkers. He got out of bed with reluctance and went to look out the window.

It was a maroon Pontiac; Anderson actually knew a little something about cars. The driver’s side door opened and his stepfather got out. Even though it was cold as hell, Anderson opened his bedroom window. He shivered with the rush of air.

“Are you alright, Pete?” he asked.

“Come down here for a minute, kid. I got a birthday gift for you.”

Anderson nodded. He quickly closed his window. He didn’t want to go downstairs, it was cold, but he also didn’t want to seem ungrateful. The bacon would just have to wait. Slipping into his bear paw slippers, a Christmas gift from his sisters, Anderson threw on a sweater and headed downstairs. His mom was down there as well and she opened the front door. They went out on the porch together.

“Do you like it?” Pete asked. He was coming up on the curb and then walking up the front steps.

“Like what?” Anderson asked.

“The car?”

“Oh yeah, the car is cool. Does this mean I’ll be able to drive the truck sometimes?”

Pete had a Ford F-250 and Anderson's mom drove a Buick Lacrosse. He'd had his license for over a year now but rarely drove. It wasn’t that his parents’ rides were off limits, they just had wacky work schedules and the cars weren’t available. With a third one in play that might be different now.

“The truck is so off-limits.” Pete laughed before dropping a set of keys in his hand. “Luckily, you won't need it.”

“Oh my God, this car is mine?” Anderson's voice squeaked when he asked.

“Happy birthday.” Pete said.

“I love it!” In a rare show of emotion with his stepfather, Anderson threw his arms around him. He was jumping up and down and Pete had to in order to keep up. Then he hugged his mother too. “I love it, I love it, I love it!”

“It’s a 2005 model; one of the last off the lot before they stopped production.” Pete said. “It’s only got 40,000 miles on it and purrs like a kitten.”

“It’s amazing.” Anderson shook his head. “I wanna take it for a spin around the block.”

“Change your shoes.” His mother said.

“Right.” He looked down at his feet and laughed. “Bears can't drive.”

“No they can't.” his mother laughed too. “Go on, put on your sneakers.”

“I’ll be right back.” Anderson rushed into the house. “Watch my car!”

***

Anderson was nervous when he buzzed Hotch’s door. The Hotchners lived in the Watergate East building and he’d never been to such a fancy condo place before. He thought Emily Prentiss’ family might live a few floors down but he hadn’t been there either, it was just something he heard. The doorman had to call up to make sure it was OK to send up a stranger. Hotch said it was. But now Anderson was waiting in the hallway like a door to door salesman. He cleared his throat, sticking his hands into the pockets of his puffy black jacket.

“Hey.” Hotch opened the door and smiled.

“Hi.” As soon as he saw the dimples, Anderson smiled too.

“C'mon in. Sorry about the delay but I was taking the wings out of the oven.”

“They smell really good.”

“Thanks; let me take your coat. I'm not the world’s best cook but my stepdad made them before we left. He told me what temperature to put them on and how long to keep them in the oven.”

“Cooking is fun.” Anderson said. “You should learn one day. I used to love helping my mom when I was a kid. It was quality time for us because she worked so much.”

“I'm gonna have to feed myself eventually. Eating out could put me into bankruptcy.”

“Did you have a nice Christmas?” he walked further into the condo with Hotch. It was as fancy as he imagined. It looked like something out of a magazine. Anderson hardly wanted to sit on the furniture. They sat down together on the couch.

“It was OK. Something about the holiday still makes me sad. I don’t know if that’s ever going to go away. Sean loves it though so I try to feel some of what he's feeling. Did Krissy make out OK?”

“She made out like a bandit.” Anderson replied. “Chloe and I didn’t do too badly either. Pete bought me a car today.”

“Wow, really?” Hotch’s hazel eyes widened. “What kind of car it is?”

“It’s a Pontiac Grand Am. My value amongst my group of friends just went up like tenfold. The Seaver twins are the only ones with a car and their parents don’t really like them driving around DC. So I'm the coolest now.”

“You were always the coolest.”

“I bet you say that to all the guys you find unbearably handsome.”

“I do.” Hotch nodded. He laughed some. Then he put his hand on Anderson's knee and leaned in for a kiss. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“I got you something.”

“You don’t have to buy me things.”

“Will you feel better if you know I didn’t buy them?” Hotch asked.

“I said you didn’t have to buy me things because it sounded right in my head.” Anderson smirked. “I have expensive tastes and don’t mind being indulged.”

Hotch grabbed the card from the table and handed it to him. The other teen looked at him.

“Open it.”

“You told me that you loved me.” He said.

“Yeah.” Hotch nodded.

“It’s totally OK if you don’t love me, Hotch. I know sometimes you can be all wrapped up in something and you say something you don’t quite mean and then you have to backtrack and it gets insane and…I don’t want it to get insane.”

“I really, really like you.”

“I really, really like you too.” Anderson said.

“So we can stick to really, really like for now and amend when needed?” he asked.

“I'm down with that.” Anderson let go of the breath he was holding. Only a fool would think he wasn’t bonkers for Aaron Hotchner. But bonkers wasn’t love and there were enough complications in his life. Hotch was supposed to be somewhere good to go, not somewhere there were more questions than answers.

“Are you sure? If I ever hurt your feelings I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. That wasn’t what I meant to do.”

“I'm good.” Anderson squeezed his hand. “I promise. As long as we stay honest with each other it’s gonna be fine. I'm opening my gift now.”

“OK.” Hotch smiled.

He was so excited for Anderson to see what he got him. When Tug brought Hotch the tickets the day before Christmas Eve, his hands shook as he held them. He knew this was going to be a great gift. All evening he tried to picture the look on Anderson's face when he finally saw them but it was impossible.

The birthday card was standard but Anderson read it anyway. It said Happy 18th on the front; inside there was a genie coming out of a lamp. Hope you got everything you wished for. The card was a bit cheesy but sweet, just like the boy who gave it to him.

Inside the card was another small envelope. Anderson opened it and emptied the two tickets into the palm of his hand. Then he looked at them. He looked at them twice before looking a third time for good measure.

“Oh my God, I can't believe it” he whispered, looking at Hotch. “Are these real?”

“It’s not a gag gift.” Hotch said.

“So they're real?” he asked again. “They're really real.”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God!”

It was all too much for one day. Anderson held two tickets to see David Rossi lecture on Multiple Killers and Modern Media: From Starkweather to Saw. On the end of the tickets were smaller stubs for a meet and greet after the event.

“I'm going to meet David Rossi?” he asked.

“If you don’t pass out.”

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“I just want to let you know that you don’t have to take me.” Hotch said. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to because I got them for you. Amanda might have a nice time or something.”

“Amanda loves me but hates this kind of thing.” Anderson said. “And to hell with that, don’t sell yourself short. Demand that I take you.”

“You're opening yourself up to all kind of inappropriate jokes, Anderson.” Hotch smiled.

Anderson pulled him close and kissed him breathless. Then he hugged him tight. After that they kissed some more. Anderson sighed as he rested his chin on Hotch’s shoulder. There was so much he wanted to say.

He couldn’t articulate it; it hardly made sense in his head. How did he thank someone for coming into his life? How did he thank him for being a person Anderson could lean on even in such a short amount of time? How did he tell him he wasn’t sure if they had all the time in the world to be together but they needed to make use of every minute? In just eight months, life would be pulling them in a million different directions.

Hotch already said he had every intention of getting the hell out of dodge for college. While social networking would keep them close, so to speak, distance would surely take its toll. They were supposed to meet new people and experience new things. Anderson thought that would be fun to do together. How was that possible if Hotch went to Columbia, Duke, or University of Washington? He may as well be moving to Mars.

“Can I ask a dumb question?” Hotch put his arms back at his side and relaxed on the couch.

“When I was in third grade my teacher always said that there were no dumb questions. I found out how quickly she was wrong. I never really trusted adults after that.”

“I know what you mean. You and I have a thing, right? And we’re not putting labels on it and that’s totally fine but I was thinking about something when I was away. You don’t have this thing with anyone else, do you? I'm not accusing you; I really am just asking. Because you know I've never really done this before and sometimes I get confused but I don’t want to seem uncool.”

“There's nothing wrong with being uncool.” Anderson shook his head. “I think you're asking me if I sleep with other guys. You surely don’t care if I watch movies or get pizza with them.”

“That’s what I'm asking.” Hotch nodded.

“No, I don’t. I haven’t had a thing for a long time. It’s only you, Aaron.”

“OK.”

“It’s only been you for as long as I remember.” Anderson said. He was looking at his lap when he said it.

“How long is that memory of yours?” Hotch asked.

“Most of the time I think it’s too long. That’s both a blessing and a curse.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I'm an 18 year old boy,” Anderson replied. “The answer to that will always be yes.”

“Come and eat some of these wings. I can't have them all on my own.”

Hotch got up from the couch. Anderson put his precious tickets back into their envelope and then took Hotch’s outstretched hands. He smiled when Hotch kissed his nose. They wouldn’t be hanging out tonight. Hotch said he wanted to stay home, relax, and read.

Anderson believed him. He knew Hotch wasn’t much of a partier, not that he was. But Anderson had been hanging with friends more lately. It felt good.

It also made the time he was alone more fulfilling. They would be together on New Year’s Eve. They would be spending the entire night together. Anderson had a wonderful Christmas, his birthday was great so far, but he knew that in three days he was going to have the best night of his life.

***

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