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“What do you see in me?”
He mumbled it into Hotch’s shoulder. There was a part of him that didn’t want to be heard. Another part of him desperately wanted to know the answer. Yet another part of Anderson wished he was one of those people who didn’t have to be boggled when people liked him. Did those people really exist was really the question.
“I heard that.” Hotch turned on the mattress. He ran his hand through Anderson's hair.
“You don’t have to answer. I mean, if you want to that’s fine. I'm just saying that it’s not mandatory. The question was rhetorical.” And desperate.
Hotch sighed and took Anderson's hand. He kissed the palm, and then held it to his heart. They cuddled naked under Hotch’s comforter after a night out on the town. Eight times out of ten Hotch had to force himself to have fun at social events. He'd done it over the years to keep peace with his friends and loved ones.
Not only had Hotch been looking forward to the Starlight Ballroom on New Year’s Eve, it turned out not to disappoint. The Rilo Kiley cover band didn’t pan out. DJs on both floors pumped out awesome tunes spanning forty years. Blondie to Britney rocked the place and Hotch even danced a few times.
He walked out of the bathroom about a half hour before the clock struck twelve. The line was still long; he'd been in it for over 15 minutes before finally reaching the front. As he walked out Hotch spotted Anderson amongst the crowd of people. He was leaning on the wall across from the bathroom entrance.
Dressed in black skinny slacks and tuxedo Docs, Anderson tapped his foot to UB40. On top he wore a black thermal shirt with a red tee shirt. The creepy twins from The Shining were on the shirt. Hotch smiled as he walked over to him.
“Yo Hotch!”
The young man stopped when he heard his name. Derek Morgan held up his hand to wave. He was in the bathroom line too. It didn’t seem to be getting any shorter.
“Hey.” Hotch walked over and shook his hand.
Derek Morgan was the quarterback of LBJ’s football team. He was also, quite easily, the most popular guy in school. Last year he led them to their first ever private school football championship. Derek couldn’t even pretend that everyone didn’t love him. Still, he managed to be a down to earth guy. Hotch called him a pal and he didn’t call many people that.
“You're the last person I expected to see here tonight.” Derek said smiling.
“I'm actually having a good time.”
“Who you here with?”
“You know Anderson, right?” Hotch reached his hand back but Anderson didn’t take it. He shook it a little before the other teen got the message. Anderson walked over. He slipped his hand in Hotch’s, lacing their fingers. He managed a smile for Derek.
“I know of him. You're Elle’s best friend.” Morgan replied. “How ya doing, man?”
“I'm good.” Anderson said. “Penelope must not know you're here yet. I haven’t heard any squeals of joy.”
“We ran into each other right before I got in line. You know I can't let the night go by without getting down with my baby girl.”
“I know. Well, happy new year.”
“Right…you guys too.”
“Bye Derek.” Hotch smiled as they walked away.
“You do realize that you just came out, right?” Anderson leaned in close to whisper. “The whole school will be buzzing about it next week. You might even make the school paper. I can see the headline now, totally hot athlete goes for totally hot outsider. Friends are baffled by the mystery.”
“I don’t think it'll make the paper.” Hotch said. “I don’t care about people buzzing. Anyway, Derek’s not like that. If I wanted to keep a bunch of secrets I wouldn’t be holding your hand. And I wouldn’t have said anything if I thought he’d tell everyone he could find tonight. He’s cool.”
“What if you're wrong?”
“I don’t think anyone would be ashamed of dating the most awesome guy in school.” Hotch replied, his dimples showing in full force.
“I hate you.” Anderson leaned his head on Hotch’s shoulder.
“No you don’t.”
“Do you wanna dance again?”
“No,” he shook his head. “I don’t.”
“I'm going to get you out there again, Aaron Hotchner.” Anderson smiled. “You weren’t really out there the first time…holding onto that bar stool for dear life. I'm gonna get you out there and I bet you're gonna like it.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Do you want the short version or the long one?” Hotch asked. He was still holding Anderson's hand.
“There's a long version?”
“I tend to ramble sometimes. I'm just making sure I cover all the bases.”
“I’ll take any version you choose to give.” Anderson said.
“The question is what I see in you.” Hotch said.
“I remember the question.”
“I see that underneath the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ armor is a sparkling personality and wicked grin. I see amazing blue eyes. I see someone who makes me smile all the time. I see someone who's kind, smart, loyal, silly, and adorable. That’s the short version of what I see in you.”
“I demand the long version!” Anderson exclaimed.
Hotch laughed, pulling him close and kissing him. They kissed and tussled on the bed until Hotch was on top of Anderson. He kissed his nose gently; his mouth passionately. Anderson moaned. He slipped his hands under the comforter to squeeze Hotch’s ass. The little noise he made when touched was such a turn on.
They couldn’t wait to get their clothes off tonight. When they were finally naked together it was heaven. Anderson wanted to kiss and stroke every part of Hotch. He didn’t want to let the poor boy sleep. Sleep was for old people. They were young, horny, and had all night to themselves… sleep was insignificant.
“God, you feel so good.” Anderson murmured between kisses.
“So do you.”
He reached under the covers to stroke Anderson's erection. The teenager closed his eyes, gripping Hotch’s back. Hotch leaned in and licked his earlobe.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered.
“You can do anything you want.” Anderson replied.
He was so serious. At that point Hotch could’ve killed him and it would’ve been all good. Let me die right here in your arms with your hand around my cock, he thought. There are a million people I can think of who would be so jealous. And rightfully so.
“You're not going to laugh, are you?” Hotch asked.
“You keep stroking like that,” Anderson put his hand over Hotch’s. “And laughing will seriously be the last thing on my mind.”
“You were my first.”
“What?” Anderson opened his eyes. He stopped Hotch’s hand from doing what it was doing. This was something he definitely needed to pay attention to. “Your first what?”
“I was a virgin that night.” He moved his body from over Anderson's but stayed really close. His hands were still on him. Hotch wanted to feel him. Anderson spoke with his body, whether he knew it or not. Maybe Hotch just read him that way. “The night of Spencer’s party I mean.”
“Can I just be incredibly crass and come out of our very special moment and say oh my God, thank you Jesus!”
Hotch laughed, his forehead falling onto Anderson's shoulder. At least he wasn’t freaked out. Hotch didn’t want him to be freaked out. It was a big piece of information that he considered keeping to himself until the end of time. Something in his belly, in that moment, told him that saying it aloud was the only way to go.
“Haley and I, we had hooked up but never went all the way. In the end I think that’s why she broke up with me. There were some…performance problems.”
“We've never had that issue.” Anderson said. He was pulling him close again.
“I'm really attracted to you.” Hotch said.
“People say I'm pretty hot but I try not to get too snotty about the whole thing.”
“You're just so…” Hotch closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to finish that thought. How the hell did you tell someone that they made you breathless without it sounding like something from a movie script?
“Yep, I get that too.”
“I want to be with you tonight.” Hotch took Anderson's face in his hands and gave him soft kisses. “I'm just nervous.”
“You don’t have to be nervous, Aaron. And we wouldn’t do anything that you didn’t want to.”
“I want to.” He nodded. “Will it hurt?”
“It’s a feeling you get used to.” Anderson replied. “I know so many things that will make you feel good and be a nice distraction from any discomfort.”
“I bought condoms and lube so, you know…”
“Damn,” Anderson kissed him. “You really are the cutest thing ever. 2012 is starting out a whole lot better than 2011. I know I have 364 days to mess it all up but right now it’s awesome.”
Anderson didn’t want to think about the future. The moment was perfect just as it was. He was about to go all the way with Aaron Hotchner. He’d be lucky if he didn’t come just thinking about it; he surely had before.
This was more than sex though. There was something between them and it seemed to be growing stronger. Anderson was never the kind to think too far ahead in these kinds of situations. If you didn’t look where you were going then you usually crashed…hard.
But he couldn’t help but be a little giddy. Aaron Hotchner was in his arms right now. Aaron Hotchner was naked in his arms. It didn’t get much better than that.
“I really, really, really like you.” Hotch held him close as they moved positions on the bed. When Anderson was on top of him, Hotch arched his body against his.
“One more really and it might be love.” Anderson smiled. “Watch yourself, baseball boy.”
Aaron let himself fall. He didn’t know if it was the best idea but he was tired of thinking about it all the time. He just wanted to feel. Hotch wanted to feel Anderson in the most meaningful way possible. As corny as it sounded, he wanted this to be a moment he never forgot. All of his moments with Anderson were quickly becoming Hotch’s favorite memories.
***