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the first time jungkook holds yoongi’s hand is awkward. it happens when they get nominated for an award on music bank but lose to a more well known group. they expected it anyway, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt yoongi; an apology is at the tip of his tongue when he feels a hand wrap around his.
now usually, yoongi would be opposed to such skinship, so suddenly too, at that. he’s known for not being touchy, but so is the one holding his hand. he looks to his side and sees jungkook looking down at their hands as if he, too, was surprised that they were clasped together even though he’d initiated it.
yoongi clears his throat. jungkook faces him and his eyes widen even more, possibly his own unique way of getting flustered. (if so, yoongi is endeared.) he shifts back but doesn’t let go of yoongi’s hand which the latter feels… conflicted about. but nevermind.
“sorry, hyung,” jungkook says, “i just thought… you looked like you, i don’t know. needed it?” the staff are moving around speaking into microphones to communicate with the control room, the other members are strewn across the couches from exhaustion, the cheering of the audience can be faintly heard somewhere in the distance—
and yet there was yoongi and there was jungkook.
yoongi makes himself look away.
his hand is a little clammy and if he’s feeling it right, so is jungkook’s. shaky fingers tuck in between the spaces, giving unsure touches and reassurance, begging to be closer but never making a move. distant.
“thanks,” he says and he means it, really, he does.
the boy beside him visibly perks up, and yoongi can’t help but smile at his giddiness. “anytime, hyung!” he exclaims and gives a smile of his own. his cheeks are dented with dimples and his eyes close cutely.
yoongi tries to look somewhere else again, but their hands stay together.
/
the second time was not as awkward as the first, but awkward all the same.
it’s movie night at the dorm, and the theme was horror.
jungkook wasn’t known to be the scaredy-cat of the group, as that was already hoseok’s assumed role. he doesn’t like to admit it (which is why he’s still present at the current movie night although he was informed beforehand about the theme), but if anyone were to fall asleep first to avoid nightmares, it would be hoseok. hoseok, who would wake up after the movie with some half assed excuse.
(“just give it up, hyung.” jimin would say, to which hoseok would reply, “i am not. a scaredy-cat.” jimin only scoffs.)
but to jungkook, true horror is more of a real life thing, something that could actually happen to him or anyone, for that matter. serial killers or psychological thrillers and all that good stuff. paranormal, not so much.
so when the film gets to its climax, jungkook’s natural instinct is to cling onto the person next to him which just so happens to be yoongi.
yoongi, who was already halfway to being completely asleep. so you could say he was a little pissed.
“mmf, what the hell,” he slurs drowsily before realizing it’s jungkook. the younger boy looks up at him and shuffles closer to his side, hands wrapped around yoongi’s left. yoongi is quite stunned.
“i’m sorry hyung, i’m just – ” he swallows nervously and yoongi notices his eyes are a little bigger then they soften before his voice comes smaller, “i’m scared.”
the fear in his voice was so genuine that yoongi remembers that he’s still the youngest after all, and being twenty, twenty-eight, or thirty will not change that. he could be such a baby sometimes.
jungkook lets one hand let go of yoongi’s own and lets the other hold onto it like a lifeline. man, yoongi thinks, he wasn’t kidding when he said he was scared.
yoongi blinks once, twice, and sighs. “just don’t bother me too much.” he says, and looks away before jungkook can tell how affected he actually is. meanwhile, jungkook breathes out in relief, and rests his head on yoongi’s shoulder for the rest of the film. he keeps yoongi’s hand in his hold long after he falls asleep. yoongi doesn’t fall asleep after that. rather, he can’t.
/
they don’t talk about the incident after that, though it isn’t forgotten.
months after, just as yoongi thinks vaguely about missing the feeling of a warmth on his palm, the door to his studio opens after barely two full knocks and what the fuck does no one have any manners anymore in this group and—
he is promptly met with the sight of jungkook in dance clothes, sweaty and droopy eyed.
he guesses, “long day?” a nod.
“did hobi make you dance for most of the day?” another nod, followed by a groan from jungkook and a low chuckle from yoongi.
“can i crash here, hyung?” jungkook asks.
yoongi turns back to his desktop. “‘course. blanket should be there.”
he hears a fuck yes then a thump on his couch.
for the next few minutes, yoongi tries to make progress. but all he’s able to do after about half an hour of clicking and dragging and cutting and adding is coming up with the exact same thing he had since jungkook came in. he’s trying, really, he is. it’s just – one thing.
jungkook is literally a few steps away from him, sleeping on his couch with the blanket wrapped around him where it stops just a little under his nose. his fist clutches the blanket from inside while the other rests on the leather of the couch and if yoongi looks closely, he can see the occasional nose scrunch he does in his sleep. not that yoongi’s ever watched him sleep before. (okay, maybe once. maybe twice, but not the point.)
and if yoongi wasn’t going to get any work done, he might as well do something else with his time. right? right.
and yoongi just so happens to be feeling a little more bold, more carefree yet also more stupid tonight. so he walks over to where jungkook is and kneels down next to him.
call him stupid, but yoongi takes jungkook’s hand in his own, laces their fingers together, resting in between familiar spaces that seemed to just– fit. as if they’d held hands over a thousand times now, though that was far from the case. yoongi feels fond when jungkook slightly stirs in his sleep only to tighten his hold on yoongi’s hand.
jungkook is so cute his heart hurts.
and call yoongi even more stupid, but he leans forward and presses a kiss onto the younger’s forehead, cheek, then his nose that does the small scrunch again. he pulls back and fixes his gaze on his mouth, the little bow of it and plumpness of the bottom one.
soon as yoongi realizes where his train of thoughts are going though, his eyes grow bigger and he hits himself on the head for even thinking about— whatever.
i shouldn’t.
yoongi sees jungkook and finds it hard to look elsewhere.
i shouldn’t, he repeats.
he pulls his hand back from their hold on jungkook’s and something in his heart lurches when the latter’s hands twitch and grasp at nothing, when a slight frown crosses his face and disappears slowly.
yoongi looks down at his hand in his lap, and feels cold all of a sudden. he goes back to work.
/
unsurprisingly, yoongi gets a message that night.
[from: jungkook] hyung
[from: jungkook] are u awake?
[to: jungkook] yes
[to: jungkook] why?
the 1 beside yoongi’s message disappears and it takes jungkook a while to reply.
[from: jungkook] i think
[from: jungkook] i dreamt about holding your hand
yoongi’s breath gets caught in his throat. he wants to say, it wasn’t a dream, that it was real he held his hand, but what would jungkook say? holding your friend’s hand in their sleep and thinking about kissing them isn’t exactly the most platonic thing to do.
[to: jungkook] well it’s no wonder you dreamt about it, bc you seem to be doing it a lot nowadays.
and maybe some part of yoongi hopes jungkook feels something, too. feels what yoongi feels. because as much as he’d be okay with it, he’d still feel horrible if he didn’t.
[from: jungkook] well i like it
[from: jungkook] does hyung not like it?
[from: jungkook] because i can stop
yoongi is quick to answer when he says,
[to: jungkook] no its fine
because, well, it’s true.
yoongi’s thinks he’s done a lot of stupid things tonight, so why not push it, right?
[to: jungkook] i like it
[to: jungkook] a lot more than i should, actually
jungkook doesn’t reply for a good few minutes, so yoongi assumes he either fell asleep or freaked him out, so he’s a little surprised when his phone chimes.
[from: jungkook] did you hold my hand in my sleep, hyung?
yoongi takes a deep breath.
[to: jungkook] yeah
[to: jungkook] sorry
[from: jungkook] why are u apologizing, hyung?
[to: jungkook] i dunno, maybe it made u uncomfortable?
[from: jungkook] hyuuuung ur so sillyyy
he can almost hear jungkook’s giggle in his head; his stomach does a flip.
[from: jungkook] u can hold my hand anytime
[to: jungkook] and why would i want to do that
[from: jungkook] don’t act like u don’t like it hyung
[to: jungkook] im not acting, i literally just told u earlier on that i do
[from: jungkook] ur so confusing
[from: jungkook] but
[from: jungkook] hyung likes meeee~
he wants to say yes, i do, but he doesn’t. he can’t.
[to: jungkook] don’t push it. go to sleep
[from: jungkook] but
[to: jungkook] ?
[from: jungkook] i need a hand to hold b4 i sleep
[to: jungkook] …
[to: jungkook] goodnight jungkook
[from: jungkook] hehe u love me~ night hyung !!!
“this brat,” yoongi mutters to himself in the dark after he closes his phone. a faint smile makes its way to his face for a while after that, and doesn’t go away until he falls asleep.
/
they’re in europe the next time it happens.
yoongi and jungkook ended up becoming roommates, and while jungkook looked forward to it, yoongi was praying to all the gods he knew of. because there was always that possibility, when he’s in close proximity with jungkook — there’s already that possibility even when he’s far from the boy — the possibility of getting too close, touching too intimately.
but jungkook doesn’t seem to be fazed at all, so yoongi plays it cool. alright. alright, he can play it cool, he thinks he can. and so yoongi maintains this mindset for the rest of the day until he decides it’s a good time to nap.
when he wakes up, yoongi remembers why the law of attraction is, quite frankly, utter bullshit.
because yoongi is met with quite the sight after opening his eyes, which was jungkook’s sleeping figure right in front of him, eyelids shut with his lashes twitching faintly, mouth parted so prettily yoongi thinks it should be illegal. but yoongi’s concern wasn’t how pretty jungkook is, although it should be — it’s just.
when yoongi tries to lift his hand, he finds it trapped by jungkook’s own, pressed between their bodies. they hold hands like how they usually do: fingers alternating between each other’s, grasp firm and… comforting. the only insecurity yoongi feels about the hand holding is that whereas jungkook’s hands are soft, yoongi’s are more worn down, calloused and rough. they’re not exactly the type of hands yoongi would like to hold. but if his are the hands that jungkook comes back to hold every now and then, yoongi finds that he doesn’t mind all too much.
so albeit the wide eyes and warm cheeks giving away his flustered demeanor, he swallows. blinks once, and another time, before he leans forward to press a light kiss onto jungkook’s forehead.
yoongi wonders distantly; wonders if jungkook’s lips are as soft as they look.
it’s a hypothesis that is yet to be tested, he says.
hypothesis: if jungkook’s lips look soft, then they are soft.
wishful thinking.
jungkook’s lip twitches in his sleep. his nose scrunches again. yoongi thinks the pinkness of his mouth never seemed more inviting than it does up close now.
he doesn’t remember moving, but for some reason, yoongi’s nose brushes against jungkook’s cheek now, right under his eye.
for some strange reason, his other hand is on jungkook’s jaw, only touching lightly, careful not to break, not to bend.
oddest of all, jungkook’s breathing has turned less shallow and more erratic.
“hyung?” he feels more than he hears jungkook’s breathy voice on his lips. yoongi stills, and every muscle in his body tenses.
fuck.
he got caught.
he looks up from where his gaze was focused on the younger’s mouth then up at jungkook, who is looking at him with wide and startled – yet still adorably sleepy – eyes.
“i’m,” yoongi tries to come up with an excuse. jungkook doesn’t seem to be waiting for his excuse and in fact, yoongi wonders if he even heard him at all.
“hyung what – ” jungkook says, but doesn’t move. the weight of yoongi’s face so close to his feels so heavy.
yoongi says dumbly, “it’s… it’s for science.” it comes out as more of a question towards the end, and if he could punch himself right now, he would. he holds his breath. smooth, min yoongi.
at this, jungkook gives a little frown. then he’s laughing, and yoongi can breathe again. “what the fuck, hyung,” jungkook laughs softly, ducking his head down a little to cover his face and yoongi feels that his face is suddenly ten times warmer than normal.
mostly from how close they are, but also because of jungkook’s laugh that feels so light to his ears.
his heart hurts again.
jungkook’s laughter dies down and he lifts his head further up the pillow again. yoongi moves his head back a little, which gets jungkook’s eyebrow to raise but he doesn’t say anything. they need some distance right now because yoongi thinks he might actually faint.
“i thought you were gonna do something weird.” jungkook says.
“wasn’t,” yoongi’s voice is strained.
“hmm. so.”
yoongi raises an eyebrow; he doesn’t like where this is going. “so?”
“so, you weren’t gonna kiss me?” jungkook says and suddenly, yoongi can’t hear. suddenly, jungkook is moving closer, and yoongi can’t move.
he swallows the lump in his throat and gives jungkook’s face a once over before he stops at his mouth again; if he’s been found out, he might as well be open about it. “no.” he says.
yoongi grins while jungkook pouts and frowns a little. “hyuuung, you liar.” jungkook says.
“i’m not lying,” yoongi shrugs, “i told you –” he shuffles closer to jungkook and brings their hands to his lips, eyes closing as he presses a kiss onto jungkook’s knuckle. he hears the other’s breath hitch and he gives a smug little smile to himself. by the look on jungkook’s face when he opens his eyes, the younger probably didn’t even realize that their hands were joined; admittedly, yoongi most likely wouldn’t have noticed the first time, either, if his senses weren’t so heightened around jungkook. “i told you, it’s for science.”
jungkook scoffs despite the blush forming on his face. “yeah? am i part of some sort of messed up experiment or something?”
“mm, you could say that.” yoongi is too busy giving each of jungkook’s knuckles a kiss, and is far too amused with how the latter reacts to each one. call him vain, if you will.
“my inference was that your mouth,” yoongi traces his bottom lip with a thumb, “feels as soft as it looks.”
jungkook shifts towards yoongi, eyes wandering, touches more purposeful on his hyung’s jaw. “your findings?”
yoongi moves closer to jungkook again, and resumes his position from before jungkook woke up, except this time, he kisses jungkook. they breathe out once their lips meet in the middle, almost like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders and yoongi supposes it’s true; he feels lighter as jungkook’s lips move fluidly against his, so good and so soft so soft so soft, they’re definitely softer than they look. somewhere in between, their hands untangle themselves from their tight hold on each other and instead roam the other’s body, touch whatever they can reach, whatever they want because they both want—
then jungkook pulls away to catch his breath that yoongi doesn’t realize he needed, too. he chases after the plush mouth around his, against his, searching and pliant and warm.
they breathe heavily as their foreheads touch, panting and holding each other. yoongi is the first to talk. “that was –”
“yeah,” jungkook finishes, because he just knows. and yoongi is grateful, because he’s never really been good at talking, so.
they find themselves gravitating towards each other once again, hearts beating too fast to think, kisses lasting longer, growing more heated as they went on. at one point, jungkook pushes on yoongi’s shoulder and the elder leans back before he feels jungkook on top of him, kissing him again and again; he never wants it to stop.
after a few moments, jungkook starts to move against yoongi purposefully and that— as much as yoongi would love to, he takes it as his cue to tug jungkook’s hair and pull away. he gives yoongi a dazed look before he realizes what he’s done and his cheeks become tinged with pink.
“ugh, hyung,” jungkook groans into yoongi’s neck. “i’m so embarrassed right now, i’m sorry.” his voice is small, and yoongi feels nothing but endeared so he just laughs lightly.
“s’okay, kook,” he says, stroking jungkook’s hair slowly, “some other time, yeah? i haven’t even told you i liked you yet.” yoongi feels jungkook tense up and he belatedly realizes—
oh shit.
“ahh i mean,” he tries to come up with a cover up, really, he does. but jungkook has always been quick to catch onto things.
“hyung likes me?” he sits up from where he was hiding in yoongi’s neck, his little frustration soon forgotten. he’s got a wide smile on his face, and yoongi thinks if he doesn’t stop smiling soon, he’s in a lot of trouble. “really? you do?”
yoongi pinches his hip. “brat. yeah, ‘course i do. would i let you hold my hand if i didn’t?”
jungkook smiles wider in that way that makes his eyes smaller, his cheeks fuller. yoongi has to look away. “i like hyung, too.” he admits.
and wow, yoongi is surprised. really. even after all the kissing. because sometimes, yoongi is such a dense person.
“cool.” yoongi says; add that to the list of dumb things he's said or done today.
jungkook looks down at him and gives a small grin. he leans in closer again, closing as much space they have between them. “cool,” he stops right when their noses touch, “so what do you think?” he kisses yoongi once, lips moving slower now.
“about?”
“was your hypothesis right?” jungkook murmurs against yoongi’s mouth before he leans in again.
“hmm. a little chapped, needs improvement.” yoongi teases, and follows up with a, “just kidding. your lips are like marshmallows i swear to god,” when jungkook pulls away with a frown. yoongi kisses it away easily.
(later on in the evening, namjoon goes inside their room but, “hey hyung, have you seen my– ah,”
he’s cut short by the view that greets him, but he isn’t surprised. he shakes his head, chuckles to himself and simply walks out, remembering to shut the door behind him because he has manners.)
(and also so the others don’t walk in on the two so wrapped around each other in their sleep.)