Chapter Text
Loki sat curled up against a pillar, out of sight of anybody who might be passing in the hall. He was very fond of finding new hiding places; it always helped for him to have an escape route when he played one of his tricks, or when one of the bigger kids had it out for him. Using his magic to make a quick exit was one of the many things he had learned from his mother. He had a book open in his lap, but was not reading it, his attention had been captured by the view through the window beside him. He stared off into the distance, a pensive frown pulling down the features of his youthful face.
The loud clatter of feet pulled him from his reverie, voices not bothering to keep themselves down. He peered around the pillar and saw his older brother, Thor, and his friends making their noisy way down the hall, all of them sporting large smiles and laughing at whatever joke Odin’s golden child had undoubtedly just made. Leaving his book behind, Loki slid from behind the pillar and chased after them.
“Where are you guys going?” Being rather smaller and slightly younger than the others, Loki had to struggle to keep up.
Sif tossed her hair back as she looked over her shoulder with the haughty glare that she seemed to reserve especially for him. “We’re going to train. You probably wouldn’t be interested.”
“Yeah, no offense Loki,” Fandral offered, his tone only slightly kinder than Sif’s, “but you won’t be able to keep up.”
Loki’s small hands balled into fists as his frowned deepened. “What makes you think that?”
Thor’s eyes darted between Loki and his friends. “Look, Loki,” he finally said, “you’re just not ready yet. And if you get hurt, I’ll get in trouble…”
“I won’t get hurt!” Loki pouted indignantly. “I’ve been practicing with Mother.”
“Magic is cheating!” Volstagg protested, “It doesn’t count!”
“It is not cheating!” Loki’s voice was raising. Ice crystals were beginning to form around his fists.
Sif’s eyes widened as the boys, aside from Thor, backed away. “How are you doing that?”
Loki ignored her and focused his attention on his brother. “Let me come with you, please!”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea…”
“You’re always leaving me out of things!” Loki stomped his foot in protest, and the motion sent out a circle of ice across the floor around him, cracking and sending small stalagmites shooting up. The others stumbled back, slipping and sliding until they found their footing, and then stood, staring at him.
“You freak!” Hogun finally managed to spit out.
Loki stared around himself in horror. This was not the first time that he had created ice unintentionally, but it had never happened so randomly and violently before. He took careful steps backwards, unable to tear his eyes away from what he’d done. When his feet found the familiar stone of the floor he bolted back in the opposite direction.
“Loki, wait!” Thor’s voice called after him, but it was too late. Loki was already gone.
Later that night, Thor stood outside the doors of his younger brother’s chambers. He hadn’t seen Loki since the ice incident in the hall, when he’d run off before Thor had a chance to calm him down. He clenched his hands into fists and took a deep breath, then relaxed and knocked on the door.
“Loki?”
No answer. He knocked again, harder.
“Come on, Loki, it’s me. Why are you hiding?”
Finally, a small, muffled voice answered, “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”
“What?” Thor pressed his ear against the door. “No, you’re not in trouble! Why would you be in trouble?”
“If you told Mother or Father--”
“I didn’t tell them! Why would I tell them? You didn’t do anything wrong,” Thor laughed. “Loki, you’re being ridiculous. Let me in.”
After a moment of silence there was a click of the lock sliding out of place, then the door opened and Thor’s jaw dropped.
“Woah…”
Nearly everything in the room was covered in a thin layer of frost. It created intricate patterns on the mirrors and windows, it clung to the now-rigid curtains and bedspread, it caused the rugs to crunch beneath his feet as he entered. Loki retreated against the wall, ashamed, as Thor looked around the place in awe.
“I was still mad when I got here…” Loki started.
“It’s incredible,” Thor said.
Loki perked up. “It is?”
“Yes!” Thor ran a finger across the desk, leaving patterns in the light snow. “How’d you do it?”
“I don’t know…” Loki said, honestly. He held up his hands, which earlier had been tinted blue. Now the color had begun to fade, but still clung to the tips of his fingers. “It just happens.” He stared at his hands for a while longer before clutching them to his chest, as though the warmth of his body would erase the foreign chill. His voice was little more than a whisper when he confessed, “It scares me…”
Thor turned to face his younger brother, cowering by the wall in the face of powers he could not understand. Thor frowned slightly and approached him.
“Loki…” he started, “it doesn’t have to be scary. I bet your powers could be really fun!”
“You think so?”
“Yeah!” Thor looked around the room again, grinning from ear to ear, already concocting crazy plans for the potential adventures they could have. Loki felt that slight warmth that he always got from making his brother smile. Thor finally returned his gaze to him, eyes bright. “Do you want to build a snowman?”
“Sh… be quiet…!” Thor warned in a low voice.
“I am being quiet!” Loki whispered back harshly, but corrected his footing so that his steps were lighter. They crept down the flight of stairs that would lead them to a courtyard balcony, one of their favorite places in the palace. For weeks now they had been sneaking out to play there, always in the middle of the night when no one was around to see and spoil their fun. By the time anybody else was up the sun would have already melted the ice away from the balcony.
“Okay, okay,” Thor ran ahead of Loki, onto the golden floor of the courtyard, then spun around to face his brother with eyes alight with excitement. “Do it! Just like we practiced!”
Loki grinned widely, then closed his eyes to center himself and took a deep breath. When he breathed out again frost came with the air, crystals swirling before him in a well-choreographed dance. He stomped a foot down and ice flowed from the spot, not harsh and dangerous like what he used to produce, but smooth and slick. Thor laughed with glee as he tried to find his footing, and succeeded.
“Make the snowman!” Thor cried.
Loki breathed out again, twisting his hands in a swirling pattern as snow materialized before him. When he was finished, he was left with a tall, forboding snowman that looked suspiciously like Odin.
Thor could hardly breathe for laughing. “Wait, wait,” he panted, skating across the floor towards the snow figure. “Here,” he said, placing the small golden plate they’d brought to use as a puck over one of its eyes. “Now it looks just like Father.”
A laugh burst out of Loki as well, light and airy, but it quickly trailed away. “If he knew about this we’d be in so much trouble.”
“You worry too much,” Thor mocked, pushing Loki with his shoulder. Loki slid back a few feet and almost lost his balance, but regained it just in time. His eyes narrowed as a mischievous smile split his face. The moment something else caught Thor’s attention, he skated up behind him and shoved him back. The older boy slipped and fell straight on his backside, then shook his head to orient himself. He couldn’t help the competitive smirk that overtook his features. “Oh, you want to play, brother? Then the game is on.”
It was a constant back and forth, a slipping and sliding game of tag as they raced in circles over the slick floor. Thor had just tripped Loki in a particularly unfair move, and the moment his back was turned Loki attempted to return the favor, kicking out at Thor’s feet. It was harder than he’d intended and Thor lost footing, slipping backwards from the force toward the edge of the balcony. They’d strayed too close. Loki watched in horror as Thor tried to regain his footing only to slide back further, gaining momentum. Loki’s voice was a strangled cry. He reached out a hand just in time to grab his arm but instead slid with him. The moment that Thor thought he could get back on his feet was the moment he went over the edge; Loki grabbed a post of the railing before he, too went over, and their yells of fright harmonized with each other. Loki shut his eyes tight, his arms protesting from his brother’s weight, all of his will power focused on not falling. He forced his eyes open a crack, steeling himself to look down, and he saw Thor hanging there, eyes wide with fright, his courageous facade for once abandoned. Tears froze on Loki’s face as he tried to pull his brother up but he was heavy-- too heavy-- and he was slipping…
“Help!” Loki screamed, the sound ripping from his small body. “Somebody help us! Please! HELP!”
Odin had sensed that something was amiss before he heard his son’s screams and was already heading towards the source of the sound, his wife close behind, when they started. They burst onto the balcony, nearly losing their footing on the frozen ground. Odin’s good eye was wide as he took in the scene.
“Loki, what have you done?”
The child could not work through his tears to formulate an answer, but the Allfather did not wait for one; in moments he was at the edge of the balcony and lifting Thor back to safety with ease. Loki scurried back, horrified with what he’d done. He’d almost killed his brother. If Thor had fallen from the balcony that would have been it. And it would have been entirely Loki’s fault.
“I… I’m sorry…” was all he could manage to squeeze through his vocal chords. “I’m sorry…”
“Frigga... please take care of this,” was Odin’s only answer as he carried Thor from the balcony without a glance at his other son. Frigga knelt beside the hysterical boy. He looked up at her with wide eyes full of fear.
“It was an accident…”
“I know, darling,” Frigga answered, offering her arms to her son. Loki collapsed against her, and she held him tightly. “This will never happen again.” To Loki, it sounded like a threat, but as far as she was concerned it was a vow to keep her boys safe.
Months passed, and Thor had hardly seen Loki once. He had been punished as well, after assuring their father multiple times that the ice-skating had been his idea in the first place. But he couldn’t understand why his younger brother was avoiding him. Surely Loki knew that it hadn’t been his fault? And, regardless, Thor was fine, so what did it matter?
What he didn’t know was that Loki was terrified. Constantly. The more afraid he got, the more he realized that he could not control his powers. He trained with his mother every day to use Asgardian magic, to ignore his base impulses that would shoot ice from his fingertips without him thinking about it. And no matter how he tried, he could not get her to tell him why he was this way. Why this was happening to him. She had his same aptitude for magic, but never had she shown an affinity for ice. She told him that he was special, that he had a gift if he could only learn to control it, but the night that Thor had almost died was the last time he’d been able to. Since then it had been sporadic, unpredictable. And so he had locked himself away, avoiding any and everyone, fearing for their safety.
Months turned to years as the separation drifted Loki and Thor further apart. It wasn’t for lack of trying. As often as possible, Thor would take the same paths Loki had been known to habit, even straying into the library in the hopes of spending even a little time with the brother he had once been so close to, but he was never able to catch him. Every once in a while he would even swallow his pride and go to Loki’s chambers, just as he had done on that night so long ago, and knock on the door.
“Loki?”
No answer. He would knock again, harder.
“Come on, Loki, it’s me. Why are you hiding?”
He would get frustrated.
“Are you angry with me? What did I ever do?”
There was never any response. Once, he grew desperate. He leaned in close to the door, sure that nobody was listening, and tried to coax his brother out of hiding with the only thing that used to work.
“There’s no one around to see… Don’t you want to build a snowman?”
Finally, a response. A small, sad voice.
“Go away, Thor.”
An angry frown, almost a pout, twisted Thor’s mouth. He punched the door.
“Fine.”
On the other side of the door, Loki slumped down to a sitting position, folding in on himself, watching the frost coat his blue-tinged fingers. The tears that slid down his cheeks were ice before they hit the floor.
Sif waited with Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun outside of the gates. She was wary of the stormclouds brewing in Thor’s eyes when he finally joined them.
“Is your brother not coming?” she asked. When he didn’t answer, she prompted him. “I know we have not always been as kind to him, but he is your brother. We would welcome him. Why doesn’t he come?”
Thor squared his shoulders, and answered, “I wish I knew.”