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It’s months and months, that’s how long it takes for her to realize it.
There are soft touches and close calls and flowers and late night dinner meetings and she just doesn’t see it. She doesn’t have the time to worry. Then it’s too late, she’s in so deep she doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t have anyone to turn to.
And it’s dumb how it hits her, ridiculous really. A brush of fingers across her hand and a smile that lights up her whole world and there it is. Her heart hammers in her chest and she sucks in a breath she didn’t realize her lungs ached for.
Right there, in her office, her whole world shifted. Then her world walked out, a smile still splitting her cheeks, and Lena all but collapsed into her chair. A lunch, just a salad in a bag and that’s what caused this?
She told Jess she was going home. She couldn’t focus, she needed time. She needed… something.
That smile so genuine, so full. Eyes that reflected her own grin.
She needed to drive. Drive fast and far and play music she’d never play indoors.
She slipped into the elevator and dropped to her knees next to her Vanquish . She didn’t gift herself many finaries, but a car? That, she would splurge on. Her detector blinked green and she checked the hood too, never could be too safe with car bombs.
She swiped through her ‘remixes’ playlist and pulled onto the highway.
“I ask myself ‘what am I doing here?’”~
The Lucian remixes always had just enough bass. She didn’t roll the windows down until she hit the desert. Bulletproof windows and sand-capable tires weren’t the only things she added to this car, but they were what mattered today.
She curved off the road, avoided a sign, and drove.
“It’s only too fast if your reflexes can’t handle it”
It hadn’t scared her at the time, the speed at which Lex drove, because she trusted him. She didn’t trust him anymore. Didn’t trust anyone
Blue eyes and soft, soft hands
Not her assistants, not her doormen, no one. She hit 200 mph and the weight lifted off her chest. Her heart hammered from adrenaline, not some feeling she hadn’t noticed for seven months.
“I didn’t see who you came with, bet you’re looking for something new”~
Every grain of sand strewn across her windshield… every thump of the bass in her veins… her knuckles straining on the wheels, one foot on the gas, the other over the brakes. She wanted the speed, the flat nothingness open to her. She turned, 143, faster than before, and felt the slip-grips kick into place. She wouldn’t tumble, wouldn’t fall, would never stop.
She’s off the ground for almost three seconds, her tires feel nothing, she doesn’t even have time to breath in. She still feels every twitch in her arms as her senses process before her mind can catch up.
Her tires connect with the ground and it’s all reflexes again.
She’d snapped the front axle. It wouldn’t be a problem if she just kept her welding torch in the trunk. She huffed and ran her fingers through her hair. It was four in the afternoon and she was… nearly three hundred miles southwest of the city.
Great.
She turned and braced her back against the side panel. Stupid. One stupid mistake and here she was. It’d take a specialty tow truck to pull her car through the sand and that’d take at least two or three hours to get here.
The sun beat down like any other day. She huffed again wiped at the sweat already starting on her brow. At least she had a water bottle and an air conditioned car. All she really had to worry about was the embarrassment of offroading in an Austin Martin street-racer.
The door clicked shut and she pressed the ignition button.
Nothing happened.
She pressed it again, much to the same result. The battery couldn’t have been affected?
The door clicked open and she heaved the hood up in frustration. The heat radiating up easily rivaled the desert around her. Sand. There was sand everywhere. It must have been the last landing… no, the turn. Both, maybe all of it. She shook her head and closed the hood.
What was the point? She couldn’t clean the sand out while the car was so hot and she couldn’t find the problem with the sand baked into her battery.
She propped the door open, the passenger side, and kept as far from the sun as possible.
It was really hot.
Fuck. Why did she do this? Just to think? Why wasn’t a cup of tea enough? Why was it always this rush that finally calmed her?
She needed to call the tow company. Her phone blinked to life and her fingers paused over the numbers. She was alone. She had her taser, yes, but whoever came to find her could bring anything with them. She had a tire iron in the trunk, but how much good would that do?
She leaned back, slipped her eyes shut, and gritted her teeth. What an idiot. Three hours and she’d be half delirious anyway.
Sunny smiles, “I’ll always protect you”
She blinked back at her phone.
She dialed before she’d even thought about it.
It was the heat. Definitely the heat.
“Lena?”
“Hey, Kara. I… did something really stupid.”
Supergirl touched down not five minutes after she’d hung up. She wasn’t surprised. She wouldn’t ask for an excuse this time (coffee… amazing that everyone didn’t know by now).
“Hi.” She gave a half-hearted wave and moved to stand from her seat. Supergirl just frowned at her. “I know, I just came out to clear my head. This would have been fine if I’d had my welding torch.”
The Caped Crusader shook her head. “And that would have fixed the battery too?”
She sighed and slumped back in her seat, “I could have at least lit the whole thing on fire then.”
She gets a chuckle for her effort and a water bottle held out to her. She quirked her lips up and nodded her head in thanks.
“So… you want me to take you and the car back?”
She’d never sighed so much in one day. “I don’t know. I’ll take any help you’re willing to give. I can get a truck to come out and get the ca-”
“Lena.” She looked up and those blue eyes looked back at her. “It’s okay. Where do you park at your apartment?”
She shook her head and smiled. Maybe this would all be okay after all.
“I won’t drop you! But you should be wearing your seatbelt!”
She frowned and shouted out the window, “Are you looking through my clothes, Supergirl?”
The car lurched but she couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled from her lips. This was so much better than two hundred on the ground. She should invest in a fighter jet.
The garage man knew better than to ask questions and she laughed again when she stumbled out of the car and into a pair of very familiar arms.
“I like flying!” She grinned, grinned, really her heart needed to calm down. “When I’m not in a life-threatening circumstance, it’s quite enjoyable.”
Supergirl frowned again, but there was a smile on her extraordinarily pink lips, “You were in a life threatening circumstance.”
She stood back, sneakers squeaking on the cement, and shrugged. “Just another day as a Luthor.” Supergirl frowned, that same crinkle grooved her forehead as always. “But thank you, truly, it would have been a miserable day without you.”
That got her a smile and an eye roll. “Yeah, well, just don’t go joyriding in the desert again, Ms. Luthor.” A blinding smile this time and a rush of air.
She never could help the catch in her breath as that cape disappeared around the corner.
Twenty-three minutes is all it takes for Kara to show up at her door.
She’d showered and changed. She could arrange for a mechanic to come out tomorrow, tonight she’d crank down the AC and forget the desert sun.
“Lena! Are you okay?” That same crinkle, every time, Lena nearly shook her head with her smile.
“Yes, thank you, Supergirl was very helpful and understanding.” She chuckled and Kara frowned. “I think she’s a peeping Tom though.”
The rush of blood to Kara’s face was very gratifying. “What? She would nev- I mean- I don’t think she’d ever! Why? Why do you say that?”
It was really too easy. “She checked to make sure I was wearing my seatbelt even though she was quite literally holding my car. This required that she look through me.” The flush didn’t recede and she just chuckled. “Did you want to stay for a while?”
“Why did you go out there?”
They weren’t quite curled up on the couch together. Close, yes, but not too close. She wasn’t sure how Kara would feel about any of… this.
She hummed in question and turned away from the Disney movie of the week. They were Kara’s favorites and since Lena hadn’t seen many during her childhood, they were making their way through every single one. They weren’t too bad, especially with Kara who delighted in them.
“Why were you out in the desert?” Kara turned to her and tilted her head.
She tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth and shrugged. “I needed…” She frowned before knotting her fingers together and sighing, “I needed to think.”
“And you do that best racing around in the desert?”
The disbelief in Kara’s voice pulled a laugh from her lips. She did that a lot around Kara, “I don’t know, there’s something about the speed that just clears my mind.”
Kara nodded, she probably understood better than anyone. “That’s not safe, you know.”
“Yeah well, neither is fighting criminal aliens.” She quirked her eyebrow and nearly choked on her water. That was not what she’d meant to say. “And… that hasn’t stopped Supergirl.”
Kara stiffened next to her. She nearly rolled her eyes at herself, way to make a pleasant evening awkward. Kara laughed, a very strained laugh, and adjusted her glasses. “What… ah, what did you need to think about?”
Ah, yes, a much better way to turn an evening upside down. She grimaced and shuffled her feet on the couch. She didn’t know what to say. That Kara’s smile lit her up like nothing she’d experienced since those first few months with Jack? That her eyes were the clearest blue and it made Lena want to take up digital illustration again?
She’d try but there was no blue in any color palette that could compete with Kara’s eyes.
“Lena?”
She jerked her head up and nearly pulled back with how close Kara’d gotten.
“Lena, are you sure you’re okay?” Kara scooted even closer and fuck she could probably hear Lena’s heartbeat. Which was a problem. Medically speaking, Lena was quickly on her way to a heart attack.
“I-” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. God, this was stupid, just like everything today. She pressed her nails into her wrist and tried to pull herself out of whatever this was. She needed more sleep or better eating habits. Something had to explain this ridiculousness.
Those blue eyes pulled a little closer and of all the thoughts that could have spun through her mind, it was a poem that came to the forefront.
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
She couldn’t tear her eyes away. There just wasn’t any use. This woman called to her like the speed in a turbo engine. Loud and fast and she was so caught up in this feeling she’d never find the brakes.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Kara’s fingers slipped around her wrist, displacing her own. Two fingers on her pulse and she couldn’t breathe. She knew her lips were parted because she’d been trying to pull air in through her mouth, she probably looked a mess, but good god , Kara Danvers had the most beautiful eyes she’d ever seen.
Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
“Lena?” Kara’s voice was just a whisper, but it felt like a blow to the chest and she leaned back with a gasp.
She didn’t get far, her wrist caught in the grip of steel.
“What were you thinking about?”
Kara was so close. So close… she hadn’t realized she’d wanted Kara this close. She wanted her closer still, there was an ocean between them, secrets and professionalism and a whole host of reasons that she just couldn’t come up with at the moment.
Not with that look on Kara’s face.
“You”
And it’s one word she’d never regret. Not from the moment it slipped over her tongue and not a thousand years after, because those captivating eyes slipped shut and she lost her breath all over again.
“You know, it really isn’t safe chasing after alien criminals.”
Kara blinked at her, sprawled out on her bed, Lena’s own sleep-shirt scrunched up against her skin. She looked like a dream, a dream Lena would probably have a lot now.
Kara frowned and scoffed, “I’ve flown into space, I think I can handle it.”
Lena’s eyes popped open and she blinked. “You flew into space?”
Kara sucked in air and grimaced. “Uh…”
“Wait, wait, like in a ship or just yourself? Did you have a helmet? How did you breathe?” She sat up and squinted at Kara. “I know you have increased cellular regeneration, but can that compensate for cell death due to hypoxia? But no, how would you stay conscious?”
Kara blinked. She flopped onto her back and laughed. Lena frowned, these were legitimate questions. If Kara could fly into space, she could take rockets up and save huge amounts of rocket fuel for long-distance space travel. She could work on the International Space Station for goodness sake.
She swatted at Kara’s arm but that only enticed Kara to laugh harder.
“I’m serious here!” She huffed and Kara tossed an arm over her eyes. “You could do a lot of good if you could fly into space! If it’s not too taxing of course. I don’t know what kind of calorie intake that would require… actually, how much do you need to eat every day?”
Kara wiped a tear from her eye and grinned up at her. Her heart skipped a beat. “You know I’m an alien and your first thoughts are about my caloric intake!”
She pulled back and shrugged with a frown, “Well… put that way…”
“No, Lena,” Kara sat up and reached out for her hands. She traced her thumbs along the crook of Lena’s fingers and Lena swallowed. “Your first thoughts aren’t that I could be dangerous or how to get me off your plant.”
She blinked. “Well… to be fair, none of those were my first thoughts of you.”
“Oh?”
She sighed and shrugged. “With you, I was tired of the press trashing the Luthor name. I was mostly just tired of you and Clarke.” Kara chuckled and Lena smiled. “And with Supergirl, I wanted to show her that I was different. That I wouldn’t follow my brother … or mother’s path.”
Kara squeezed her hands lightly and brought one up to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “You know, when I first got you out of that helicopter, I knew you were good.”
“Oh.” She swallowed again. Her chest felt tight, that was so early on. They didn’t even know each other then. She was still working on the alien detection device.
Kara rubbed her thumbs over Lena’s knuckles again, “I really like you, Lena Luthor.”
Her heart stuttered in her chest and Kara smiled. Damn it. How was she supposed to control her heartbeat? Kara leaned forward, her smile only growing and she watched as those lips drew closer and closer to her.
She felt nearly light headed. Kara dipped her head and her eyes slipped shut just before that smile pressed against her own.
Well… maybe iron control was overrated.
Steel really was so much better.