Chapter Text
She never thought she could be so scared, shaken to her core and utterly undone.
She never thought she was vulnerable.
A highly trained agent such as herself, taken by surprise? Impossible.
And yet it wasn't.
She was living the proof of that now. Trapped in the terrifying realization that anyone can be caught unaware, even her, and it just may well cost the agent her life.
Alex had felt her heart drop as her sister told her that the signal she had worked so hard to send, digging the tracker from her skin with only a broken credit card, the tracker that was supposed to lead Kara right to her, had failed.
Instead of a sibling reunion, Kara had been met with an empty warehouse and Alex with freezing water pouring from a pipe she was unable to stop up. Her sister was no closer to finding her than she had been hours before and frigid water was quickly filling the box, chilling her to the bone. She knew it wouldn't take long; a few hours, maybe less. If she somehow managed to avoid drowning, hypothermia was still a very real threat.
There was no way out.
The tracker had been her best hope and all it had accomplished was stealing more time from her, more air from the box, more life she was unwilling to give. Despair was quickly engulfing her, even faster than the bone-chilling liquid. She mentally replayed her last words to her sister.
"Supergirl is bigger than me!"
It had always been that way. Alex had lived in her sister's shadow for over ten years without complaint and would have done so forever but, it wasn't her choice. Not anymore.
Maggie.
Maggie had been her choice; the hardest and most rewarding of her young life. A life she thought she would have so much more of with her first love. Thought she would have so many more opportunities to make those pivotal memories.
Firsts.
Maggie had rambled on about them through sobs that wracked her small frame. Alex had only wished she could have seen her one last time; told her those three small words that meant so much.
I love you, she thought, resting her forehead against the cold glass in resignation. I love you, Maggie. And, I'm sorry.
Sorry Maggie would have to find her floating in some tank, helpless and cold.
Sorry that Maggie would blame herself because if she hadn't fought with Kara, Alex would never have left the apartment that night.
Sorry that Kara, her eternally bubbly little sister, would feel the agony of losing someone else; losing another world.
Because Alex was Kara's world; her home. And Kara was hers.
And then Maggie had shaken everything apart only to end up fitting in so perfectly once Alex put her life back together. It was too much. It hurt too much; more than the ache in her lungs as they screamed for air. More than the insistent throb in her shoulder from her impromptu surgery. Even more than that time one of Non's soldiers had thrown her through a plaster wall and singed her entire right side with heat vision.
This pain... this pain consumed her, seeped into every fiber of her being and she knew. Alex knew she was dying, knew she'd run out of survival tactics, knew there was no more time. As she floated weightlessly in the tank she thought she heard something, imagined Maggie and Kara calling for her.
Her world exploded.
Everything was bright and loud! There was air forcing it's way into her lungs and her body ached at a cellular level, wracked with uncontrollable tremors.
COLD. She was so very cold.
And then... warmth. Arms she thought would never hold her again, soft lips brushing her forehead murmuring things like "you're safe", "just breathe baby", and "I love you so much." The last sentiment caught Alex off guard because even though she'd felt the same way for quite sometime, neither woman had voiced it yet. She wanted to reciprocate, wanted Maggie to know she felt the same, that everything Maggie was feeling, she felt too.
But she can't.
She's too cold; too tired; exhausted in ways she never thought possible. So she simply turns her face into Maggie's chest, inhales the sweet scent of leather, gunpowder and flowers as deeply as her battered lungs will allow and fades away.
It would be several weeks later when Alex would learn all the details of her rescue.
How Kara and Maggie had fought throughout the ordeal; stubbornness and concern for Alex clouding their judgement, making them reckless and brash.
How Maggie had taken her gun with fire in her eyes and determination in her stride; headed to the prison to do the very thing Alex had asked Kara not to do.
How Kara had stopped Maggie; solicited the agent's location through compassion and empathy.
How Maggie had held her, even when they told her to move back, even when she was shivering herself, chilled to the bone by the icy water still clinging to Alex.
No Alex didn't know all these things when she awoke in the med-bay hours later, still feeling the icy chill despite the mountain of blankets and warming lamps she was under, still feeling the numbing liquid slosh around her lungs even though she was being administered warm oxygen, still feeling the distress that her family would never know what they meant to her; that Maggie would never know.
And then... there she was.
Standing by the window looking so beautiful despite the sadness cloaking her, the slight downward pull of her lip as she hugged herself and tried not to think the worst.
Alex couldn't stand it.
"Hey you." She called out weakly, hoping it was enough. Maggie spun so quickly she almost dropped Alex's gun, the same gun she had almost used to release a criminal just so the woman before her could live. "Careful, he's my favorite." Alex joked as Maggie practically sprinted across the room.
"Alex!" Maggie breathed out, perching on the edge of the bed. "Baby, I was so worried!"
The agent took in her girlfriend's appearance carefully noting that she looked pretty worse for wear herself, concern still written large across her features.
"It's okay," Alex squeezed out, still feeling winded and weak. "I'm okay. Are you okay?"
Maggie stared at her aghast and Alex knew that she would immediately dispel any concern for herself until the agent was up and running.
"I'm fine, baby. I've just been worried about you. I was so scared that we were too late." Maggie's voice broke and Alex raised her hands shakily to cup the smaller woman's face.
"Shhhh..." she soothed, voice still hoarse from her ordeal. "I knew you were coming. I never doubted you. I just knew I had to hang on."
Maggie nodded tearfully, smoothing the hair back from Alex's forehead before placing a gentle kiss against her skin. Alex hummed in response remembering how safe she had felt when Maggie had done the same thing just a few hours before to comfort her.The detective cupped Alex's face in both her hands and smiled softly when Alex couldn't stop herself from leaning into the touch. It felt so good after all those hours of being trapped, terrified, separated from her loved ones to just be held and cared for.
"You know that whole 'skinny-jeans-flotation' thing was pretty bad-ass!" The detective chuckled and Alex laughed with her in return until she began to cough in earnest.
Maggie quickly jumped from the bed and hastily sat Alex up hoping the change in position would help. Alex continued to cough, a death grip on Maggie's forearms as she rode out the worst of it. When she finally settled, Maggie made a move to pull away.
"I'm gonna go get a doctor or nurse or scientist or whoever helps patients around here!" She rambled, panicked by the difficulty with which Alex was breathing.
"Wait..."
"Baby, it's okay. Let me get someone to help you, please?"
"I need to tell you something first..."
"Alex..."
"You didn't let me finish... before..." Alex would not be deterred and she was thankful when Maggie moved closer so she wouldn't have to speak up and strain her fragile voice.
"I'm listening." The detective assured her with earnest eyes.
Alex nodded, eyes still closed before she focused on Maggie again and their joined hands, the feel of skin on skin. "You told me that we have a lot of 'firsts' ahead of us and you were right. I want all those firsts and I want you and ... I love you... I love you, Maggie Sawyer."
She could tell Maggie was floored, would find out later that she was also a little frustrated, because she had wanted to say it first. Had said it, repeatedly while Alex was unconscious.
"Yeah?" She whispered hopefully.
"Yeah." Alex responded with a small, tired smile.
"Me too. " Maggie beamed as she said it. "I love you too, Alex Danvers. More than I could ever have imagined."
Alex didn't remember much after that beyond lots of smiles, tender kisses and warm embraces. At some point, Maggie had managed to climb into the bed with her, tucking her still freezing limbs against warm, soft skin. The agent laid her head gently on Maggie's chest and felt secure once more, even though her breathing was still labored and her medical mind knew there would be complications down the line, for now she was safe.
For now, she was loved.
The agent snuggled closer and could feel herself being pulled back into a warm slumber when she remembered there was something she needed to ask Maggie.
"You really want a dog?" She inquired quietly, voice muffled against the fabric of her girlfriend's shirt.
"Yeah," Maggie replied leaning back to cup Alex's face once more. "But we are not naming it Gertrude!"