Work Text:
A/N: A tiny sample of how Ritsu's life used to be at England. I've used a few Japanese words but they're indexed and the translations are given at the end.
Lunch break was almost over. The bell had rung three minutes ago, but Ritsu couldn't find it in himself to stir from his supine posture on the soft mossy ground. The rustling limbs of the beautiful sakura tree he was lying beneath were having an almost hypnotic effect on his senses.The bittersweet memories tugged at his numbed mind and body, but they couldn't shake him from the trance he'd put himself in.
It was a wonderful day in England. The cherry trees were in full bloom, boughs heavy with clumps of pale-pink blossoms. The flowery scent filled his nostrils, and the loosely-blown petals dreamily floated downwards to where Ritsu's tears had soaked into the ground on either sides of his face.
So beautiful, it made his heart (or what remained of it) ache with stupid, pathethic feelings of longing and love.
Like the day I said out loud without meaning to "I'm in love with you, Sempai...". Like that day we walked back home together, me floating on a cloud of bliss beause Sempai returned my feelings...Ritsu felt the ghost of a strong, gentle hand caress his face, titling back his chin tenderly for a kiss.
Baka ka ore! Mada kare ni tsuite kangaete iru(4)--Ritsu chastised himself.
The intrusion into his sowewhat-peaceful, hypnotic trance brought a fresh wave of grief back. A ghost of a sob escaped from his traitorous mouth. He covered his face with arm, too late to stop the tears now streaking down his temples.
Doshio ? (1) I'm still in love with you, Sempai. I"ll never stop loving you, even though you tore my heart out and crushed it to death.
Yes, I'm dead--although it isn't official yet.
"The Ghost"--that was his nickname at school. He'd more than once heard his new English classmates call him that when they thought he couldn't hear. Ritsu's lips curled upwards in a parody of a smile. Like he could care any less.
Life was over for him. He was just a body now, going through the motions of every boring day, just trying to keep it all together, keeping from falling apart. His heart had died a painful and untimely death only a few short weeks back.
"Suki des...suki des...suki nan des..." (2, 3)
Sweet memories of that day, when he'd blurted out his feelings to Sempai--those memories swam through his mind. Would they ever loosen their hold on him? He felt like like he'd left part of himself back in Japan . Back in that library filled with the sweet scent of cherry blossom petals floating in through the open window. A vital part of his body whose absence wouldn't allow him to function anymore. He barely even tasted food anymore, he had no friends, not even finding it worthwhile to acquaint himself with his classmates.
When would this devastating sense of loss disappear? When would he stop dreaming of the two of them making love, the sight cool blue night sky above his lover's bare shoulder, the way the older boy had brokenly moaned Ritsu's name...and the sheer pleasure that came from hearing his name uttered over and over by his beloved older boyfriend.
When would he stop hearing his boyfriend's cruel laugh in his nightmares over and over again?
Sighing , Ritsu sat up and wiped off his face before heading back to class. Gotta go live life...whatever that means.
Before leaving, he took a quick look back at the tree, it's beautiful blossoms triggering another memory--The time they'd had sex in the library and he'd been so overwhelmed that he had cried his way through it.
"Naiteruno ka?"(5) Sempai had asked him, suprised at his reaction.
"Naitemasen",(6) he'd lied, sniffling.
Translations:
1.Doshio--what should I do?
2.Suki des-I love you
3.Suki nan des-I'm in love with you.
4.Baka ka ore! Mada kare ni tsuite kangaete iru-- I'm an idiot! I'm stil thinking about him.
5.Naiteruno ka?- Are you crying?
6.Naitemasen--I'm not crying.