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“Is everything all right with your meals?” the waitress asked as she collected the empty glass on the table.
“No, it’s half left,” joked David with a wink in Ellie’s direction.
Ellie smiled and finished the rest of her wine. “Can I have another glass please?”
The evening so far had been fine. David had arrived at the restaurant before her and been lovely. Good looking as well, she supposed. The food had been nice. There had been no awkward pauses.
It was everything a first date was supposed to be, which was a miracle considering this had been a set up from Beth.
Ellie fidgeted with her napkin. Really, she should have been having a good time.
And yet…
It hadn’t past her notice that she was doing most of the talking. David was laughing at her jokes, but more than they probably deserved and she was setting most of them up herself. In fact, when he did say something more than a sentence, he more often than not killed the conversation completely.
Still, he was likely just nervous. When she was nervous she babbled, and when he was, he made useless comments. It was a match made in heaven.
“Is she pressing the grapes herself?”
Ellie blinked. “Sorry?”
“The waitress,” David explained. “She’s taking her time.”
“It is busy in here. She has other people to deal with.”
“Right.” David chuckled for no apparent reason. “Good point.”
Ellie went back to her food. Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure how long the waitress had been as she had been lost in her own thoughts. She stabbed a potato with fork. Was she sabotaging the date? There was no way she would have an instant, magical connection with a stranger, so why was she expecting it to be better?
Her first date with Joe hadn’t been too much different.
Thinking back, before she was married, she would have considered this a successful date. Her instincts usually served her well and she had no tolerance for arseholes, which had almost instantly ruined a few dates back in the day. Even getting this far into a main course without her calling him a name or throwing a drink at him was an achievement.
With Hardy though-
No. No, she had promised herself she wasn’t going to think about him tonight.
“Have you ever had the desserts from here?” she asked and David grinned at her. Again.
It was going to be a long night.
“So Tom is sulking and I’m doing my best to ignore him when little Freddie stands on the coffee table and starts yelling at us both,” Ellie said, pleased that David seemed to be enjoying her story and was laughing in all the right places. “Said we both needed to grow up! Or - or he’d send us both to bed!”
“How old is he again?”
“Five!”
“The rascal.”
“Yeah.” Ellie smiled and waited for David to say something else. He, however, seemed content to shake his head into his fruit salad.
Who considered fruit a dessert, anyway?
Except Har-
Nope.
“You’re so funny, Ellie,” he told her. “Not many women are, but you?”
Ellie paused with her spoon of ice cream halfway to her mouth. Any other day she would have been all over that comment but something was stopping her.
“You’re not offended, are you?” he asked, frowning in concern. “I know they say women can’t be good looking and funny, but you’re both so… Yeah. I meant it as a compliment.”
She looked at his condescending smile with a frozen one of her own and knew she was never seeing him again.
Within ten minutes, Ellie had wolfed down the rest of her dessert - earning her another backhanded compliment -, the bill had been split and she was making excuses about childcare before hurrying back to her own car.
Sitting in the driver’s seat, watching his Volvo leave the car park, Ellie willed herself not to cry.
As much as she had been trying not to think about him, it was impossible not to compare David’s sweet compliance with Hardy’s, well, everything.
He would never have told her she was funny outright. He wouldn’t have even laughed at her joke. He’d have his own reply, knowing she didn’t need validation but a conversation. His compliments wouldn’t have been generic and rehearsed but spontaneous and wonderfully butchered in a way only he could manage. If he had been on the other side of the table, there would be no way she would be on her own in the car right. Either they would still be in the restaurant and enjoying themselves or yelling at each other over nothing, already halfway home, knowing they were going to park up in lay-by somewhere so they could start necking like they were teenagers.
“Stupid - fucking -” Ellie muttered as she rummaged in her glove box for tissues. Their year-long relationship had been nothing like she had ever imagined a relationship to be. It was competitive as it was caring and ludicrous as it was loving and-
Over. It was over.
The Sutcliffe case. Both of them overworked and stressed. Neither of them balancing their little free time well. The argument that blew up, leaving nothing but insults and the worst of them in the ashes.
It had been two months. Two months of avoiding the other at work and hoping anger would wipe away the hurt.
Two months of Ellie lying to herself.
She checked her makeup in the rearview mirror. Once she was happy that she didn’t look like a panda, she started the car and drove, trying ignore the destination she knew she had decided on.
When she reached the familiar spot near the beach, Ellie didn’t stop to think about anything and was out of the car before it had properly stopped. She stormed down the path to the white house and tensed when she saw light spilling out of the windows.
She stood on Hardy’s patio and saw him coming through the living room door. The moment he spotted her, he paused but had no other reaction.
Time stopped as they stared at each through the transparent barrier of the window. Ellie had no idea how long it was before he slowly walked over to her and opened the door. He stepped out and closed the door behind him.
Ellie stood in the shadow he cast and let go off the breath that she had been holding for two long months.
“What are we doing, Hardy?”
All of the tension, all of the fight and resentment left her like a monsoon at the end of a draught. It didn’t matter that he was there to see her moment of defeat because it didn’t feel like one. Being the first to break the silence wasn’t conceding when she was as exhausted as she was.
He sighed and she suspected he felt the same judging by the way his shoulders sagged.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly.
They stood in the dark, both disarmed and unsure how to proceed. Just getting them to this point had been more effort on Ellie’s part than she knew she had in her. She genuinely had no idea what outcome she wanted from the conversation, just that she wanted it to happen.
Hardy rubbed the back of his neck. “You look nice.”
“Thanks.” Ellie folded her arms as though she could hide her outfit from him retroactively. “I went on a date.”
“Oh.”
She had meant the words to pierce him like a dagger but no wound appeared. She was met with the same blank stare she had been putting up with since that horrible argument.
“Say something,” she whispered, closing her eyes, not wanting to see the aftermath of her words this time.
“What?”
“Anything. I hate this!” She was crying again. “I miss you. I miss you so much and I keep looking at you and I get - nothing. You just - fucking - shut down.” Ellie pressed a hand against her mouth, trying to restrain herself but it was no use. Two months of loneliness and fury were pouring out of her.
“I need a sign or something - anything - that you hate this or - or care. Anything and you-”
He moved before she could register what it meant. His mouth was on hers, insistent and needy, the momentum carrying them back a few steps, meaning she had to grab him to stay upright. Once they were stationary again, she didn’t let go. In fact, she was clawing at him, trying to get closer.
There was more teeth than finesse, but Ellie didn’t care. For every painful nip he gave her, she sunk her nails into his neck. It was punishing and everything that had been missing from her date earlier.
Passion. Fire. A give and take that left them both wanting more.
Hardy broke the kiss but held her close. They were both swaying and panting. “Can we -” He swallowed. “Can we try again? Please? I love-”
She pulled him back down to her, not quite ready to hear what she already knew just yet. The memories she had of his kisses had not done him justice. They had been watered down with nostalgia and she needed to remind herself why she had been miserable without him.
It might not have been what either of them were used to, but Ellie knew deep within her heart that what they had was worth fighting for. She promised herself there and then that she would never forget and give up on it again.