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‘No, this cannot be’ Kihyun thought, pulling his hair harshly. He didn’t even feel the pain when his mind was clouded with a certain someone; a certain someone he wasn’t supposed to like at all because it was his brother’s best friend. His little brother’s life companion he had to see every weekend since he had memory and, at that moment, everything seemed wrong. Kihyun was 3 years older than his brother Jooheon and he couldn’t be crushing on his best friend; his dorky best friend who always made him laugh and had him staring fondly at him all the time. The one with the cutest personality ever and... ‘shut it!’ he thought, standing up from his bed and unlocking his door to go to the bathroom, putting his beanie on. He had to wash his face, it helped him remove every indecent thought inside his mind. Specially when, five minutes ago, he was playing video games with the other two and couldn’t stop staring at Changkyun’s - his young crush - lips while wondering how would it feel to kiss him.
“Fuck my life, I’m a pedophile” he whispered to himself, drying his face with the closest towel. Kihyun thankfully had his beanie on, keeping his hair from getting wet. He couldn’t risk going to the living room with wet hair when he said he needed to pee. The elder had to excuse himself due to the way his face started heating up; a strong blush appearing on his cheeks and leaving him exposed in front of the others. Jooheon even asked him if he had a fever and he didn’t know where to hide at that moment.
Kihyun slowly walked to the room where the two teenagers laughed out loud - perhaps joking about Changkyun’s lack of talent for video games - and sat back over his place on the armchair. Jooheon hugged Changkyun when tears started forming over the corners of his eyes and they didn’t notice his presence until the youngest saw him. “Kihyun-hyung!” he almost yelled, standing up to touch his forehead. “Are you feeling okay?” the elder felt his heart speeding up in a way that made him think he was about to have a heart attack.
“I’m fine, Kyunnie-yah” he took the other’s hand off, giving him a soft smile. He hoped the other would fuck off because he couldn’t take it anymore. It was a little shocking for him to accept he liked his little brother’s best friend; he’d been trying to avoid the feeling for long already but it didn’t work. That day, he blushed so many times he believed Changkyun must have noticed.
“I was really worried, your face was extremely red and hot” he said innocently but Kihyun’s brain interpreted something sexual and he choked on his own saliva, making Changkyun worry again. The boy patted his back to help him, sitting on the armrest while he coughed loudly, almost dying there. Once he stopped, breathing deeply to calm down, his crush brushed his hand softly on his back, not changing that cute worried expression.
“I’m f-fine” his voice cracked a little after all that coughing. “I swear” he pushed Changkyun away. “I just needed to pee” he tried not to make eye contact. “And it’s really hot in here so my face heating up is a normal reaction” he said the first explanation that came to his mind.
“It’s not normal on you because you are always cold” Jooheony told him, watching the scene from his seat while his best friend kneeled on the floor to check on Kihyun’s face.
“Changkyun! Stop it, I’m seriously fine!” he yelled in desperation, not able to stand his nervous heart anymore. “Go back to your seat and let me win against you once more” he kicked the younger’s butt, making him stand up whining and walk back to his place next to Jooheon. The latter laughed, giving his controller to his brother and letting him win against Changkyun as he said. Kihyun played so well no one could beat him and, thankfully, his nerves didn’t interfere in that aspect of his life.
“That’s not fair, hyung” the youngest complained, pouting like a little baby. “I want to play an individual game so you stop making fun of me” he added, leaving the controller on the table to cross his arms on his chest.
“We’ll make fun of you either way” Kihyun rolled his eyes, starting to feel a bit calmer than before.
“Yeah, we will” Jooheony patted his best friend’s back.
“Fine...” Changkyun sighed. “You play” he made the two brothers laugh and they kept on playing.
It all started when his brother and Changkyun were babies. Kihyun was starting to learn how to read and write at his 4 years old while Jooheony barely talked. Their parents were friends with Changkyun’s ones and the latter was born only a few months after Kihyun’s little brother. That was the reason the elders got together, to meet each other’s sons. To Kihyun, Changkyun was just another tiny person like Jooheon and he enjoyed making him cry. He was a little mean as a child; he loved messing the house up - something he couldn’t even think of doing at his 20 years because he was a neat freak - and taking his toys’ heads out. His mom always scolded him but there was no case so his father told her to let him be.
That special night where he met Changkyun, he made him cry almost five times and his mother locked him inside his tiny playpen to keep him away from the baby. Kihyun cried hard though there was no case. His parents knew he was like that; he faked he would be a good child and ended up being a devil.
Kihyun got tired of complaining after an hour and fell asleep inside the playpen. His parents woke him up when Changkyun left their house, taking him to his bedroom. That was their first encounter and they kept on meeting after that day. Jooheony became Changkyun’s best friend and, as they went to the same school, Kihyun got to see him almost every day.
Kihyun was listening to music while doing his homework. He was 10 years old and his parents wouldn’t leave him alone, saying he couldn’t concentrate with his earphones on. He had to take them off for a few minutes but, as long as the elders left him alone in his bedroom, he put them on again, solving his math exercises while humming the song he was listening to. Kihyun never failed any exam though his mother was obsessed with his grades. She got disappointed every time he got a 9 instead of a 10 and the young boy felt like his mother needed an excuse to scold him.
After a few minutes, Jooheon ran through the hallway with Changkyun and he wondered what they were doing. He left everything on his bed and took a peek through his door, finding the younger boys playing with some cars. Kihyun slowly walked out of his bedroom, trying not to get caught by his parents - specially his mother - and approached the other two. “Can I play?” he asked and his brother nodded. Kihyunnie sat down next to Changkyun, grabbing one of the cars he had there. The elder liked blue and his brother’s best friend always kept the blue one for him - it was his but his parents gave it to Jooheon when he turned 10, saying he shouldn’t be doing the same things that his little brother did -.
The three kids started laughing as they played, making their cars crash against each other. It was their way of having fun. Everything went well until they decided to race. Kihyun loved doing that because he always won; the only problem was the other two got angry at him and started complaining. Since they were younger they thought the reason was his age but that wasn’t true, Kihyun was better than them.
After he won three times, he got bored and annoyed at the others so he had an idea. He dragged the youngers to the stairs and sat over the edge of the highest step. “The one who reaches the end first wins” he was confident and the others agreed to the idea excitedly. The three of them prepared their cars - Kihyun made sure the youngers weren’t cheating - and threw them through the stairs.
It was the worst idea ever. The toys made so much noise his parents rushed to see what was happening. Kihyun’s car arrived first because he had more strength but his mother took it, scolding him for giving ideas to the youngers. The 10 years old boy cried but Changkyun suddenly raised his hand, catching his mother’s attention. “It was my idea, omoni” he said, making Kihyun stop crying. The kid was surprised, seeing Changkyun so determined to help him. “I’m sorry” he apologized. The woman stared at him in confusion, sighing after a few seconds of silence.
“Fine” she patted Changkyun’s head. “But I’m taking this car anyway” she took Kihyun’s blue car, making him cry once again. “Go back to your bedroom! And you boys play outside” the oldest ordered. Jooheony and Changkyun felt terrible for that but they couldn’t disobey an adult. They already finished their homework because it was simple compared to Kihyun’s and they could play freely. The elder got back to his bedroom, waiting until his mother left to put his earphones on and playing his cassette again. It helped him stop crying though he couldn’t forget about his precious car that left him forever.
After one month, it was his birthday so he made a celebration with all his friends. Changkyun assisted to his party to keep Jooheony some company and, after Kihyun blew the candles, he felt a tug on his hoodie. He turned only to find Changkyun with a worried expression on his face, holding a blue present in his hands. “Hyung” he called, stretching his arms as much as he could to give the elder the object. “Happy birthday” he added and Kihyun opened it, almost crying when he found a blue car in there. He couldn’t stop himself from hugging the younger - even if his friends stared at him with confused expressions - and his smile never left his face that day.
“Hyung~” Changkyun complained, pouting like a baby while Kihyun laughed out loud. “Please stop” he whined once more but the elder shot another plastic bullet to him. “Yah!” Changkyun snapped, grabbing the object to throw it back at Kihyun’s pretty face. Jooheony was taking a shower so he asked his brother to ‘take care’ of his best friend. They came back from their football practice - something they both hated but had to do because of their gym class - and Changkyun already showered, being stuck with Kihyun over the living room of their new apartment.
After a little incident with their previous house stairs - Jooheon falling down and almost breaking his arm - his mother decided to move to an apartment. It was a lot smaller than the house and Kihyun hated it because he wanted privacy. His bedroom was right next to his parents one and he wanted to move out. But he had to deal with it since his mother wouldn’t listen to him.
“I’m sorry, Kyunnie” Kihyun tried to stop his laughter. “You are fun to tease and I’m bored here” he explained. “Watching you do your homework isn’t my favorite activity” he chuckled and Changkyun rolled his eyes.
“Why don’t you invite Hyungwon-hyung or Jihoon-hyung?” the younger proposed but Kihyun didn’t want to, he was relaxed with Changkyun and he didn’t want Hyungwon to bother him.
“I don’t want Hyungwon to come, he’s annoying as hell, and Jihoon was busy today, he had piano class” he played with the plastic gun, making it spin around his hands. “Besides, you are quiet and I like bothering you” he said, giggling as Changkyun whined once more.
“Is it because I’m 12?” Kihyun shook his head in response. “Is it because I’m your brother’s best friend?” the elder shook his head once more. “Is it because you like Hoshi more than me?” Kihyun laughed at him.
“How do you even think that? I know you since you were only months old” he shot Changkyun’s nose this time, making him drop his pen on the table to then stand up and strangle Kihyunnie. The latter didn’t have any strength to push him because he was laughing very hard. Changkyun’s hands weren’t squeezing his neck, he was just surrounding it with his fingers loosely. He even stopped after a few seconds crossing his arms over his chest while pouting, looking like a cute puppy. Kihyun stood up and pinched his cheeks, earning a growl from the other. “Is Kookoongi angry?” he called him like that when he wanted to tease him and Changkyun pushed him, sitting on the armchair right after.
“Stop calling me that” the younger seemed really annoyed and he decided to bake some cookies to earn his trust once more - every time he bothered him for hours, Changkyun lost trust on him and he knew how to recover it -. Jooheony entered the living room the moment Kihyun left to the kitchen and stared at Changkyun in confusion.
“Did he piss you off again?” Jooheon asked and the younger nodded, keeping his lost puppy expression Kihyun found so cute. “Don’t get mad, let’s do our homework before I fall asleep on the sofa” the younger brother sat down on the big couch, right next to his best friend and they started discussing about their History answers.
Kihyun made sure not to make too much noise so he wasn’t discovered. His parents weren’t home yet because they were working and the other two seemed busy. The elder stayed in front of the oven once he put the cookies inside and, when they were ready, he took the tray out. They were warm and delicious - he couldn’t help but try every single part of the preparation while he was cooking and he tried one cookie to make sure they were good enough - and he saw Changkyun’s eyes lighten up the moment he entered the living room with a plate full of them.
“Cookies!” the youngers yelled, attacking them when they were in the middle of the table.
“Are you still mad at me?” Kihyun asked Changkyun.
“No, hyung” he smiled. “Thanks for this” he added, making satisfied noises every time he took a bite and making Kihyun laugh. “I guess you are my new best friend now”
“Hey!” Jooheony pouted. “You are a bad friend” he slapped Changkyun’s arm and they laughed. “You change me for this neat freak that bothers you all day long” he kept on talking with his mouth stuffed in cookies.
“He makes me forget about that when he bakes cookies” the youngest said. “You’ll be my best friend again when the cookies disappear” he joked and Kihyun chuckled, loving the way Changkyun smiled. Jooheony kept on complaining though he forgot about it minutes later.
“Jooheon!” Kihyun angrily yelled around the apartment, trying to find the responsible of the bathroom’s mess. All his perfumes and facial creams he cautiously organized were all thrown to the lavatory and he knew his little brother did it. Jooheon had the bad habit of entering the bathroom running when he was in a hurry and he guessed he accidentally touched one of his perfume bottles. “Jooheon! Where the hell are you?!” he added, walking fast until he reached their shared dresser - they kept their older clothes there in case they wanted to use them again but it was mostly forgotten and they didn’t enter that room often -. His little brother was there, throwing clothes around the room while he looked for something in that mess. “What the hell are you doing?! Are you deaf?!” Kihyunnie stood by his side with his hands resting on his hips.
“I’m sorry hyung, I’m looking for something, please wait” Jooheony just answered, getting more desperate each second that passed. “I’m dead!” he yelled, running through the hallway and stopping inside his own bedroom. His brother couldn’t believe the younger completely ignored him so he decided to follow him. He stared at him from the door of his dormitory, resting his body on the frame while keeping his angry expression.
Jooheon didn’t seem to focus on anything else than his objective at that moment and Kihyun was growing impatient. What was so important for his dongsaeng? He didn’t get anything, his attitude was so damn strange. Kihyunnie sighed, walking closer to the other and patting his shoulder to catch his attention. “My dear Jooheony” he started; a fake smile adorning his features. “You messed up my bathroom” he added and Jooheon widened his eyes.
“I’m sorry!” he apologized. “Don’t kill me please” he begged, grabbing his hand while kneeling on the floor. “I lost Changkyun’s favorite book and he’s going to get mad at me if I don’t find it!” he was about to cry so Kihyun did a great effort and calmed down.
“Why are you looking for it inside the clothes’ mess?” the elder was pretty curious about it.
“I couldn’t find it anywhere else so I thought maybe mom threw it to the dresser but I was wrong” the young man pulled his hair in desperation - the remains of it since their mother cut it a few days ago - and Kihyunnie started thinking where could it be. He knew that book meant a lot to Changkyun because his father gave it to him as a gift. The man traveled a lot to the United States and Kyunnie missed him a lot, so that book was something he always carried with him. The question was: why did he borrow it to Jooheon? He knew his best friend was a mess and didn’t even like reading that much.
“Why did Changkyun borrow it to you? You don’t even like reading” he sat down on the floor next to a kneeling Heony and waited for an answer.
“He just forgot it here on Saturday, he didn’t borrow it to me” oh, that explained everything. “He was almost crying when he realized it and called me” Jooheony felt terrible and Kihyunnie shared that feeling. He loved teasing his brother’s best friend but he hated seeing him cry. He only did it once in front of him when they were younger and his heart broke at the sight. It wasn’t like when Kihyun was four years old and he loved to make the younger cry, it was the opposite. “I think mom organized my stuff yesterday and I cannot find it anywhere” Kihyunnie rolled his eyes, believing his brother was right about their mother.
“That’s why I hate mom” he sighed. “I’ll help” he said. “But only if you help me organize my stuff the way I tell you” he added, pointing at his little brother’s face with his index finger.
“Aish, fine” Jooheony pouted. “I’m already 12, you cannot order me around” he whined, getting up to keep on searching.
“And I’m 15 so yeah, I can order you around” Kihyun smiled evilly at the younger, circling an arm around his shoulders. He was slightly taller than the other and he was starting to feel Jooheon would be taller than him in near future.
The brothers looked everywhere for the book and it wasn’t there. Their mother could have thrown it to the garbage by accident and they wouldn’t find out. The both of them laid down on Kihyun’s bed after searching the hallway’s wardrobe and sighed in unison. They couldn’t give up; not when Changkyun would be so affected by that. “Hyung” Jooheony called his name; guilt evident in his voice. “What am I gonna do?” his desperation was growing bigger every second that passed.
“I don’t know, Heony” Kihyun didn’t know what to answer, his impotence was too much for him to handle. “What if you call mom and ask her?” he proposed and Jooheon jumped from his bed, running to search for the phone. Kihyunnie waited there, his energy drained out after hours of searching. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and started feeling sleepy. The only thing that kept him awake was Changkyun and, at that moment, he noticed how much he cared about the younger. He never really thought about it but he loved Changkyun as much as he loved his brother.
Before he could think of it any further, his brother entered his bedroom. “Mom said she took it to the main bedroom to read it because she thought it was mine!” he said, keeping a happy smile on his face while showing the book to Kihyun, who sighed in relieve.
“Oh, thank god!” he hugged Jooheony tightly to celebrate and, the moment they could finally relax on the couch, the doorbell rang. His little brother ran to reach for the answering machine and pressed the button to open the building’s main entrance, waiting for his best friend to get there. Once Changkyun reached their door, Jooheony hugged him. The younger got a little startled and Hoshi - their other friend called Kwon Soonyoung who was younger than Changkyun - stared at them in confusion. Kyunnie laughed when Heony parted, almost crying in joy while he gave him the book.
“Thanks! Why are you behaving like this?” Changkyun grabbed the object, putting it inside his backpack before it got lost. “Hi, Kihyun-hyung!” the boy waved his hand at Kihyun with a cute smile and it was the first time his heart raced. He didn’t pay that much attention to it, he just greeted back with a toothless grin.
“Hi, hyung” Hoshi bowed slightly, slowly walking inside the apartment.
“I’m just happy to see you!” Jooheony lied, making his friends sit down over the table. “Do you want coke?” he asked and the others nodded. “Kihyun-hyung will make fried chicken for us, right hyung?” Jooheon smiled at him and Kihyunnie had to roll his eyes at that.
“Who said I would?” he turned on the TV. “Order it” he added, not moving a finger from his place.
“We don’t have any money because dad forgot to give us” Jooheony complained. “As always” Kihyun chuckled because their father was really a lost case.
“Fine” he stood up. “But Kookoongi will help me” he smiled, staring at Changkyun to see his funny reaction.
“Okay” the younger followed him, grabbing every single ingredient Kihyun took from the fridge and shelves. “But, if I burn the kitchen it won’t be my fault” he added, making the others laugh.
“I guess Kihyun-hyung is alone in here because the three of us are terrible cooks” Hoshi stepped into the conversation, making everyone laugh.
“I guess you are right” Kihyun answered but made the three boys help with cutting the chicken while he prepared the mixture to cover the pieces.
Kihyun was staring at the window, not being able to concentrate when his teacher was so damn boring. He was at school and Hyungwon was sleeping by his side - as always -. Jihoon was a good student like him but he payed a little too much attention to classes, not paying attention to the important thing: Kihyun. So, after long minutes of just spacing out while looking at some tree, he found an interesting view. His brother was there, running around the field with Changkyun and Hoshi. Kihyunnie smiled, trying to keep his laughter inside. The three of them were gasping for air and almost fainting; it was a funny sight for him.
Kihyun silently giggled, watching the youngers struggle with their gym class. Apparently, it was a family thing, being lazy. He never liked gym class either and Jooheony managed to find friends like him. Kihyun turned to look at Hyungwon and rolled his eyes, thinking he found the laziest person on earth. The tall one was sleepy all day long, even if he slept 24 hours straight. Kihyun threw him a paper ball to see if he reacted but he didn’t move. “As expected” he whispered to himself, catching Jihoon’s attention.
“What?” the shortest man of the entire school asked him and he shook his head in response. “I thought you said something” he added, taking a few more notes about chemistry. ‘I guess the only person on Earth that likes this is Changkyun’ he thought, remembering all the times the preteen tried to show him chemistry things.
“No, I was just trying to wake Hyungwon up but there is no case” Kihyun made Jihoon laugh.
“He’s so lazy” the shorter one said, getting his attention back to the front and making Kihyunnie turn to the window once more. He almost burst out laughing when he found Changkyun stopping every time the professor got distracted. ‘He’s so smart’ he thought, secretly or not so secretly admiring Kyunnie. He had to admit that dork made his day lighten up with his silly jokes.
Kihyun didn’t notice time passing by; he stared at Changkyun for 20 minutes until the school bell rang, telling them it was break time. He saw Jooheony, Kyunnie and Hoshi hugging due to their immense happiness. It was a funny sight but Hyungwon startled him, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Are you staring at your crush?” the lazy one asked. “Who is she?” Kihyunnie pushed his face, making a bitchy expression right after.
“I don’t like anyone” he denied. “I was looking at my brother” he pointed at Jooheon and Hyungwon laughed because he was making a funny dance at that moment. “That’s his swag dance” Kihyun chuckled, seeing Changkyun doing a different kind of dance together with Hoshi. The latter was a great dancer, unlike Kyunnie.
“They are funny” Hyungwon said. “Let’s go buy food, I’m hungry” he grabbed the elder’s wrist, dragging him outside together with Jihoon.
“Kookoongi” Kihyun whispered in Changkyun’s ear, startling him big time. The younger was answering some questions over his notebook while sitting on the floor. Kihyunnie didn’t understand why he was alone there, in the middle of the corridor where all the students passed by. “What are you doing here?” he asked, standing up by his side together with his friends.
“I’m doing my homework because last night I fell asleep on my desk while I was doing it” Changkyun confessed, chuckling a bit. “I didn’t want to drag Heony and Hoshi with me” he added, writing some more.
“I see” Kihyun sat down next to him - being followed by the lazy Hyungwon, who couldn’t endure more than five minutes standing -. The elder took away Changkyun’s notebook and started reading the questions to see if he remembered any of it. He didn’t; his brain was a lost case for those things since he didn’t care about them. Kihyun had a good memory but only for important things, not school subjects.
“Are you going to bully me?” Kyunnie asked, chuckling when the others shook their heads repeatedly. “I’m kidding” he added. “Hyung, can you give it back? I seriously need it” he begged, keeping his cute expression that made Kihyun give up on bothering him.
“Here you go” his tiny fingers brushed with Changkyun’s ones and he felt a slight shiver running around his body.
“Are you cold?” the youngest asked, noticing his shiver. “Take this, I don’t need it” he threw his coat on Kihyun’s legs, making him blush. ‘Why the hell am I behaving like this?’ he thought but then he remembered his recent feelings and realized he was only confused. The night before, he couldn’t sleep at all because he finally accepted he was gay. He had been thinking about it for a long time but he never wished to give up. His friends were straight and he didn’t want to be different though he couldn’t change it; his sexuality wasn’t something he could freely pick. So, that was the reason he reacted like that with Changkyun, not because he liked him - no, not at all -. “Hyung?” the younger waved his hand in front of his face to make him react. “What’s wrong?” he said and Kihyun sighed. The young boy always noticed when something was wrong and he had a hard time making up excuses.
“Nothing, Kookoongi” he patted his head, taking the coat with him. “Thanks for this” he added, standing up. “Do you want me to bring you some food? We were heading to the cafeteria” he asked, waiting for the other to answer.
“Oh, no thanks” Changkyun kept on writing, concentrating on doing his homework.
“Okay” Kihyun walked away after getting Hyungwon up from his hands.
“Jooheony” Kihyun called his brother’s name, knocking the door of his bedroom softly. It was a week after he accepted his sexuality and he wanted to tell someone. At his 17 years old he understood his mother wouldn’t support him and his father didn’t really care, even if he wasn’t a bad person, so his option was his brother. The only person that paid enough attention to him and the only person in his family that really mattered to him. The younger was laying on his bed with his earphones on - his new mp3 device was on top of his school book and he seemed to be falling asleep instead of studying - and Kihyunnie sat on the mattress to then touch his shoulder softly.
“What is it, hyung?” the younger sat down, yawning before rubbing his eyes. Kihyun chuckled at that, thinking their mother would scold him when she received Heony’s exam results. The latter had some problems with his scores lately and the woman wasn’t happy at all. Kihyunnie was a great student and she realized it only when Jooheon started failing at his 14 years old.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked, feeling his heart racing. He didn’t know how the other would react but he needed to do it; keeping it inside was killing him. His friends were the next step though maybe in a few months, when he was sure nothing would happen. He could test the waters before doing it; he had strategies to get information from them.
“Yeah, sure” Jooheon smiled, waiting for Kihyun to say something.
“Well, this isn’t easy to say but I feel like I need to tell you” he started, breathing deeply the moment Heony frowned in confusion.
“You stole my chocolates!” the younger pointed at his face with his index finger, starting to laugh sarcastically right after. “I knew it” he added but Kihyunnie punched his arm.
“Yah” he showed his bitchy face. “I stole your chocolates but that’s not what I want to say” he rolled his eyes. “Just be quiet and listen, please” he tried to keep him quiet because he was growing impatient each second that passed. Jooheony nodded at that, shutting up and staring at his brother. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately” he said, feeling kind of awkward. “And I finally discovered what I like” he paused, trying to say the most difficult part.
“Chocolate?” Jooheony teased him and he wished to murder him.
“Not in that sense!” he whined, palming his face in desperation.
“I know, I’m just trying to make it less awkward for you” Jooheon made him raise his head to look at him. “You are gay, right?” he asked, making Kihyun blush in embarrassment but he nodded to confirm it. “It’s fine, you never had any interest in girls, not even in beautiful actresses so I guessed it” he chuckled and helped the elder relax. “Did you find someone you like? Or you just decided to accept it?” Kihyunnie shook his head.
“No, I don’t like anyone” he denied; it was the truth after all, he didn’t realize he liked Changkyun at that time. “I always knew it but it isn’t something easy to accept when all your friends are straight” he chuckled. “They even showed me the singers they like and I thought there wasn’t anything special in them” he added, sighing in relieve because his brother was relaxed about the issue.
“I get you” Jooheony smiled. “I won’t ever judge you, hyung” the younger patted his back.
“Thanks, Jooheony” he circled an arm around his brother’s shoulders, staying silent for a few seconds. The doorbell rang before they could continue and Jooheon run to the door, opening it up for Changkyun. Apparently, one of their neighbors let him get inside the building - they all knew Kyunnie because he went there since they moved in -.
“Hyung, I’m leaving to Kyunnie’s house” Jooheony said and Changkyun popped only his head into the dormitory to then wave his hand at Kihyun. “I’ll stay there for the night” he explained and the youngest nodded with his cute smile.
“And you make Kyunnie come here to look for you?” Kihyunnie raised an eyebrow, considering it very stupid.
“No, no” Changkyun answered this time. “I was near the building” he made the elder understand.
“And, why don’t you stay here instead of leaving? I can make kimchi stew or something like that” he proposed because he didn’t want to be alone.
“It’s just... my dad is leaving tonight and I want to be with him” he confessed and Kihyun understood.
“For real?” Jooheon stared at Changkyun. “Why are you even here? We can get together tomorrow” he rolled his eyes at his best friend. “Why don’t you tell me these kind of things?” he seemed a little annoyed.
“I’m sorry?” Changkyun didn’t know if he should apologize. “It’s fine, Heony” he finally showed his full body to Kihyunnie, getting out from behind the door’s frame. “It’s not like he’ll die or something, I’ll see him when he gets back too” he raised his shoulders.
“How long will he travel this time?” Kihyun made the younger turn his attention to him and he looked like a little kid being interrogated for something he did and wasn’t supposed to do.
“Six months, I think” Kyunnie played with his chin while he spoke. “He has to do an investigation in Australia this time” he said and Jooheony slapped his nape. “Ah! Why did you hit me?!” he pouted.
“Go home now!” Heony pushed him and Kihyun got up to help him. “I’m not going with you” his little brother said and, before Changkyun could protest, he closed the door to leave him outside.
“Oh, come on! Let me in” he yelled and Kihyunnie felt a little bad.
“Why don’t you go with him?” the elder asked his brother.
“No way, he won’t get to spend enough time with his father if I’m there” Jooheon protested.
“Just go” Kihyun patted his shoulder.
“Aish, fine” he opened the door, grabbing his backpack and making Changkyun smile. Kihyunnie felt better when he saw it and he could relax, even when his parents got back from work and had dinner with him.
The first time he noticed he had feelings for Changkyun was at his 16th birthday party. Kihyun told his friends about his sexuality that morning at the University and they took it pretty well since they had a new friend called Minhyuk that showed his gayness to the world.
“Guys, I have something to tell you” he said to Hyungwon and Jihoon while they studied inside their dorm. The two of them just hummed in response - Hyungwon was too lazy and Jihoon too damn concentrated - and the only one that turned around was Minhyuk.
“Tell us!” the latter excitedly said, clapping his hands together.
“Okay... here I go” he breathed deeply, closing his eyes for two seconds to take courage. “I’m gay” he finally confessed after two years of keeping it to himself and it felt good, even if only Minhyuk hugged him, hi fiving with him for being like him. He was 19 years old already and he never told anyone else than his little brother. “Hey, did you even hear me?” he impatiently asked, hitting Hyungwon with a pillow.
“Yes, Kihyun, we heard you” the taller one rolled his eyes. “And? I thought that was obvious, you were telling us with body language” he giggled lazily, hi fiving with Jihoon. Kihyunnie punched his two friends in annoyance.
“What do you mean with that?! I’m not a butterfly, I’m just gay and I don’t show it with my body!” he protested, considering himself pretty discrete.
“Don’t get him wrong, Kihyunnie” Jihoon finally spoke. “You aren’t like a woman, it’s just that you never liked any woman at all and you are 19” he said and Kihyun’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’. The short one was right, he never ever liked any woman so it was understandable. The elder thought Hyungwon wasn’t observant due to his lack of energy but, apparently, he was.
“That’s what I meant” Hyungwon pointed at Jihoon, making a thumbs up sign. “And you like Kookoongi, right?” he added and Kihyun punched him hard on the head.
“No! Why would I like him?! He’s my brother’s best friend! I’m not a pedophile!” he snapped but started thinking Hyungwon had a point. He loved teasing the younger and, the times his friends went to his apartment, Changkyun was there smiling at him.
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Kihyun-hyung” Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t be a pedophile because he’s only three years younger and it was just a question” he added. “Your reaction tells me you are trying not to like him but your heart tells you the opposite” he touched his chest, closing his eyes as if he was reciting some stupid poem. Kihyun hit him once more, making a bitchy face.
“Shut up, I don’t like that kid” he sighed.
“That would be so cute! Am I going to finally meet him today?” Minhyuk seemed very excited. He wasn’t able to meet him because he was always busy on weekends - the only time they had to return home if they wanted to -.
“That wouldn’t be cute, Minhyukkie” Kihyun didn’t want to accept it. “And yeah, you’ll meet him today” he just answered. “Please don’t make me feel embarrassed in front of him... he practically lives in my apartment and I don’t want us to be awkward”
“No problem, I won’t” and those were the last words shared at that moment. They kept on studying and then, they got ready to go. Changkyun let him invite his friends so he wouldn’t be alone in the middle of school teenagers.
So there he was, arriving to Changkyun’s big house - he had a lot of money, even if he didn’t show it - together with his friends. Hyungwon dressed like a model as always while the others kept a cool appearance but not that exaggerated. The university students felt a little out of place because they were all 16 years old teenagers trying to look older. Kihyun walked slowly, his awkwardness showing when all eyes were on them.
But, the moment he saw the birthday boy smiling at him, his world illuminated once again. “Hyung!” Changkyun yelled, being followed by Jooheony when he ran in their direction. “You made it” he said with sparks in his eyes and he couldn’t help but blush madly. That wasn’t the only thing that made his heart race. He was dressed in a blue shirt, only buttoned on top, with a white t-shirt and dark blue, ripped jeans. It was Kihyun’s favorite color all over Kyunnie and he even styled his hair in a sexy way; something he’d never seen before.
Changkyun waited for him to say something so, when he got out of his deep thoughts, he handed him the gift he bought and muttered a shy ‘happy birthday, Kookoongi’. The younger opened the tiny bag and hugged him tightly when he saw the cute plushy. Kihyun wasn’t the skin-ship kind of person but he wrapped his arms around the teenager anyway, feeling his heart almost exploding.
“Thank you so much, hyung!” he smiled at him once more. “Oh, hi!” he bowed at the others, noticing their presence. Heony bowed at them too, starting to tickle Hyungwon right after. The tall one laughed, pushing him away and Minhyuk shook the youngers hands.
“Happy birthday, Kookoongi!” Minhyuk yelled and Kyunnie laughed. That nickname was something Kihyun invented for him because he looked like a puppy and he felt embarrassed at that moment. He warned Minhyuk about not embarrassing him but the brunette didn’t listen to him.
“Thank you” the birthday boy bowed at the elder. “My name is Changkyun though” he explained, thinking maybe Minhyuk didn’t know. Hyungwon was covering his mouth not to laugh and Jihoon was chuckling silently, the both of them remembering about their previous conversation about Kihyun liking his little brother’s best friend.
When Kihyunnie’s blush disappeared, Hyungwon lifted Changkyun up - using the little amount of energy he had - making him fly around the room while singing the birthday song. All of them laughed out loud but Jooheony kept on staring at his brother. “Hey, hyung” he called, circling an arm around his shoulders to drag him to a corner of the house. “Is there something wrong? Did you tell them?” Jooheon asked, showing him a worried expression.
“There’s nothing wrong” he lied, knowing he was struggling not to like Changkyun. “And yeah, I told them” he sighed. “They already knew” he made Jooheony widen his eyes.
“They realized it like me?” the elder nodded and he understood. “You are pretty obvious, even if you don’t have feminine attitudes” he chuckled.
“I know” Kihyun rolled his eyes in annoyance. Suddenly, someone hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder and he recognized Kyunnie’s perfume right away. ‘You don’t like him, stop being confused for being gay’ he thought. Also, Changkyun didn’t look homosexual, his masculine attitude showed the opposite.
“What are you talking about?” the youngest asked, leaving Kihyun completely petrified on his spot and making Jooheony have suspicions about his older brother’s behavior.
“Nothing important” Heony grabbed his best friend’s hand, dragging him to their circle of friends and leaving Kihyunnie there with a confused mind. He never told Changkyun he was gay and his brother didn’t do it either. Kihyun was starting to suspect he didn’t realize it like his friends did because he kept on hugging him and falling asleep on his shoulder while watching a movie. ‘Aish, stop it, for god’s sake’ he shook his thoughts away and his friends brought him a plate full of food together with a glass of coke.
“Thanks” he muttered and saw Minhyuk raising his eyebrows twice. “What?” Kihyunnie asked, making his usual bitchy face.
“He’s hot” he winked and Kihyun almost spat the whole glass of coke on his precious clothes. “I like him for you” Hyungwon laughed while Minhyukkie kept on talking, embarrassing him more and more each second. “And his voice, damn” he made his friend hit his arm. “What? He’s good looking” the brunette raised his shoulders, faking innocence.
“I know he is good looking but I don’t like him! Stop it!” he tried to defend himself but the others were already laughing like maniacs. “Aish, I hate you guys” he whined, drinking more from his glass and secretly stealing glances at Changkyun, finding him looking back at him sometimes.
That was the whole story of his unfortunate crush, the reason of his actual misery. He couldn’t get Changkyun out of his mind and the teenager wasn’t making it easy for him with that gorgeous smile he kept showing every time he saw him. Kihyun sighed, hitting his notebook repeatedly with his pen while trying to write an essay. He couldn’t even concentrate as he was continually recalling Kyunnie’s face inside his mind. Minhyuk was next to him and he kept on throwing him knowing glances. He didn’t tell anyone about it and he was planning to hide it forever because nothing would ever happen between the two of them. Changkyun was straight and he also was his brother’s best friend that was still at school. “Kihyun” Minhyuk called him. “Stop being so miserable, just tell him you like him” he added and the elder widened his eyes.
“I don’t like him! How many times do I have to tell you?” he tried though Minhyuk glared at him. “Aish, fine, I like him but he doesn’t like me and I won’t say anything” he sighed. “My parents rented some house near the beach to go this weekend and Changkyun’s family will be there too” he remembered the call he received from his mother that morning. “I’ll stay inside the bedroom the whole time not to see him because Jooheony is suspecting something” Kihyun knew his little brother wasn’t stupid and he was being pretty obvious, not able to stop his feelings from showing.
“It’s the best opportunity to tell him, Kihyunnie! It would be so romantic if you told him at night over the beach” Minhyuk started imagining different case scenarios like always. “You could kiss under the moonlight” he added and Kihyun made a disgusted noise.
“So cheesy” the younger rolled his eyes. “I think you are forgetting about a little detail” Kihyun repeated for the millionth time. “He’s only seventeen” *he only has a few dollars jojo* he wrote something else on his notebook.
“So what? He isn’t a kid” Minhyuk kept on insisting. “What are you going to do? Try to forget him when you see him almost every day? That won’t work” he was kind of right about that but Kihyun didn’t want to be awkward with Changkyun, he loved him too much to lose him. He thought it was better to stay as friends so he could see him every day and tease him regularly.
“I don’t want us to be awkward” Kihyun felt like crying because it wasn’t fair he liked his brother’s best friend out of all the Korean population. Before Minhyuk could tell him anything else, Hyungwon opened the door and walked until he landed on Kihyun’s bed, closing his eyes. “Get off” the elder kicked the taller one’s butt.
“Get out, Hyungwon-ah” Minhyuk punched him and Hyungwon complained, moving closer to the wall near Kihyun’s bed. “We are talking about something important” he added and Kihyun knew it wasn’t a good idea to tell him.
“About Kookoongi?” he asked and Minhyuk nodded.
“Thank you very much” Kihyun shook his head. “I won’t ever tell you anything” he sighed. “Now, leave! That’s my bed and Jihoon will get mad if you sleep on his bed” he kicked Hyungwon harder.
“I’m staying” he dodged the third kick, hugging Kihyun’s pillow and making him whine. “Besides, I was bored alone in my dorm” he complained. “Hoseok-hyung went to eat ramen” his roommate was a hot guy Minhyuk really liked. When they had to pick their roommates at the beginning, they didn’t know Minhyuk so Hyungwon ended up with Hoseok. They were both messy and Kihyun thanked the heavens Hyungwon wasn’t his partner.
“Fine, we’ll talk later Minhyukkie” Kihyunnie kept on trying to write his essay, thinking of what to do that weekend.
“Hey! I want to know too! Why do you make differences between your friends? Besides, you know me since we were 12!” Hyungwon protested and he was right though, Kihyun trusted Minhyuk more.
“Who’s fault do you think it is?” the elder asked and Hyungwon pointed at him. “Yah, it’s not my fault, it’s yours” he whined and they kept on discussing until Jihoon arrived with a box of pizza.
“Mom, I don’t wanna go” Kihyun protested while his mother prepared his suitcase. “I seriously need to study” he kept on whining like a little child and the woman ignored him, folding his clothes and ordering him to go look for his own perfumes and creams he always carried with him. “Mom, please listen to me” his mother shushed him.
“Kihyun, I’m tired of discussing with you” the elder sighed. “Can you please study over there? It’s summer already and we want to spend a weekend with our best friends” Kihyun just nodded, not wishing to fight with his mother anymore. “You can be with Changkyun and Jooheon, you love them, don’t you?” ‘yeah but the love I feel for the first one isn’t healthy’ he thought, staying silent for a few seconds. “Don’t you?” the woman asked again.
“Yes, mom” Kihyunnie smiled toothlessly, going to get his other bag. He threw it to his suitcase and closed it, following his mother to the car. He was the only one remaining inside the apartment; that was the reason his mom went to look for him and helped him pack.
Once they were inside the car, his father started it and Jooheony looked a bit confused. “Hyung” he whispered not to be heard by his parents, who listened to music over the front. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird lately” he asked and he didn’t know what to say.
“I’m fine, just tired of studying for those damn exams” he lied, resting his head on the window. “Do you want to play video games?” he asked, turning to look at his brother. Kihyun seriously needed to clear his mind a little and Jooheon nodded, taking out his tiny console. The brothers played until reaching the house their mother rented and they got down from the car. The place was incredible, it had a lot of windows and the beach was just feet away. Kihyunnie smiled because he liked the idea of swimming and spending time outside the apartment. He was tired of locking himself inside a tiny room to study and University was consuming his life lately.
Jooheony ran to one of the bedrooms and picked a bed, saving one for Changkyun. “Do you mind if I sleep with Kyunnie?” his little brother asked him and he shook his head, smiling toothlessly and thanking the heavens he could sleep alone in the other room. “Thanks, hyung” the younger left his suitcase there, walking to the living room right after to check on the beautiful bow window it had. Kihyun did the same thing and he tried not to think about kissing Changkyun there under the moonlight - another of Minhyuk’s ideas that made Hyungwon laugh for almost an hour -. ‘Stop, stop, stop’ he thought, slapping the sides of his head softly and making his brother frown at him. “What are you doing?” Heony said and he laughed.
“Nothing, Jooheony” he patted the younger’s head. “I’m just trying to get something out of my head” he answered, walking to the front door to help his parents get things down from the car.
When everything was inside the house, another car parked there. It was Changkyun’s father’s car and his heart started racing just with seeing the younger waving his hand at him from the vehicle’s window. Kyunnie ran to him the moment his father stopped and he felt arms tightly surrounding his waist to then lift him up from the floor. Kihyun blushed when the teenager softly got him down, leaving him there to go do the same with Jooheony. ‘He doesn’t like you, calm down’ he told himself, placing a hand on his chest and breathing deeply.
After changing to their swimming suits, their parents proposed to go to the beach and have lunch there. Kihyun was trying to avoid Changkyun at any cost because he couldn’t stop getting nervous. It was something notorious and he knew the younger wasn’t stupid so he kept on staring at the sea and saying how tempting it looked. Jooheony agreed with him while Kyunnie remained silent, searching for clams under the sand. He looked like a little kid making sand castles and decorating them with every little thing he found. Jooheon joined him after laughing at his behavior and they ended up building a huge one.
Kihyun chuckled when they proudly showed it to him and decided to kick it, making it fall. The two youngers pouted but Jooheony had the brilliant idea of throwing sand at his face. The elder closed his eyes quickly but he ate a little of it, needing to spit it out. He cleaned his hair up and grabbing a huge amount to throw it back at his brother. Jooheon instantly moved away and the sand hit Changkyun, who was standing behind him. “I’m sorry, Kookoongi!” he laughed, helping him clean his t-shirt.
Kihyun thought the other was mad at him when he had no response though Kyunnie secretly grabbed sand too, throwing it to him while he was distracted running away from Heony. The three of them kept on doing that, receiving glances from the people around them. Their parents were busy talking but Kihyun’s mother suddenly saw them, standing up to scold her sons. “Stop it! How old are you?!” she yelled at them and Changkyun held his laughter. “You look like dumb kids doing this!” she went on and the youngest couldn’t help but chuckle, instantly covering his mouth when the other’s mom glared at him. “It goes to you too, Changkyun”
“I’m sorry, omoni!” Changkyun bowed deeply. “I didn’t mean to laugh” he added and Jooheony giggled. The woman was getting angrier each second but, seeing there was no case, she just left to sit on her deck chair.
“Poor Kyunnie, look how you left him” Jooheony said after a few seconds of chuckling silently. “I’ll help you” he added and slowly lowered himself, splashing water to his best friend’s face. The latter complained out loud, kicking the water to splash Heony too. Kihyun was watching them, laughing at their wet clothes full of sand, until his brother pushed Changkyun into the water making his shirt get completely soaked. ‘Don’t take it off’ he thought, fearing he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off him.
Thankfully, Changkyun only laughed, doing the same to the other. Then, he turned to look at Kihyun and dragged him to the sea, making him surrender and just let the tiny waves hit him. They really enjoyed the sun and had a lot of fun there. Kihyunnie could forget he had a huge crush on an underage teenager and actually joke with him without getting awkward. Maybe it was a good idea going there so he could prove Minhyuk he was capable of being friends with Changkyun and slowly forget about him. He felt confident for the first time in the whole year and he had faith on himself. ‘I won’t tell him anything’ he thought and kept on eating the fried chicken Kyunnie’s father bought for them.
Kihyun laid on his bed when the night came, doing nothing more than staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep because he spent his sweet time hearing the youngers talk about dumb things and thinking about Changkyun laughing. He even kept on thinking after the others shut up, deciding they would sleep since it was already 2am. “I should do the same” he whispered, turning to his side to change his position. Kihyunnie sighed, closing his eyes to make it a little easier. “Why am I so awake?” he asked himself, turning around once again, already getting uncomfortable of his previous position.
After a few minutes of doing nothing more than trying to sleep, he got up. Maybe he could find something fun to do like staring at the moon over the living room. He opened the door of his bedroom and silently walked through the hallway, stopping when he reached his destination. He didn’t want to turn on the lights, the place looked incredibly beautiful like that. He slowly approached the bow window, jumping in surprise when someone called him from behind. Kihyun let out a scream, finding Changkyun sitting over the table with a cup of coffee. “Oh my fucking god” he breathed heavily, touching his chest. “You scared the shit out of me” he added, placing his hand on the nearest chair to support himself.
“I’m sorry, hyung” the younger chuckled, drinking more from his cup. “Do you want some coffee?” he asked and Kihyunnie nodded, watching Kyunnie’s back while he prepared more. ‘Why is he dressing so well when he is wearing his pajamas?’ he thought. He realized Changkyun dressed like a model since he was 16 years old and he really liked how he looked all the time. It wasn’t that he dressed wrongly when he was younger but he did it manlier after that age. Kihyun seriously considered it as one of the reasons why he liked him - his personality was the main reason tho -.
Once he was done, he gave a cup to the elder and smiled. “You couldn’t sleep, didn’t you?” Changkyun said and he shook his head, assuming the other was in the same situation.
“I thought you were already sleeping” Kihyun broke the silence after minutes of sitting over the dinning table. The younger stared at him directly into his eyes and chuckled, drinking more of the beverage before answering anything.
“I tried but I really wanted to see the night view” he pointed at the bow window with his index finger, making Kihyun turn around. The waves of the sea were soft at night and it all looked so gorgeous the elder wanted to go walk around the beach. He went to the window, sitting on the bench it had. Changkyun followed him, doing the same. “I really love this” Kyunnie whispered but, when Kihyun turned, he discovered his companion wasn’t staring at the view. He was looking at him with a toothless smile, holding his cup in his hands while resting his elbows on his knees.
“Me too” he blushed, not knowing the reason, but tried to look composed and cool. Kihyunnie internally calmed himself down, achieving it completely by fixating his eyes on the night view once more. He avoided Changkyun’s gaze, not wishing to throw all his efforts to the garbage. That day went so well he couldn’t mess everything up in 10 minutes.
“Hyung” the younger called his name with that deep voice he got recently; the one Kihyun loved so much. The latter only hummed in response, drinking more coffee not to let it get cold. “It’s been a long time since we hang out like this” he whispered, surprising Kihyunnie with his words and making him turn to his side in confusion. “I mean, we used to stay alone watching movies when Jooheony fell asleep quickly and I got bored, remember?” Changkyun said and Kihyun finally understood.
“Yeah, I remember” he shyly answered, leaving the empty cup near his tiny feet and hugging his knees like his companion was doing. “And you were a cute kid back then, Kookoongi” he joked, earning a sweet pout from the other. “You didn’t have this strange, deep voice” he chuckled, making Changkyun do the same.
“I really miss it” the younger’s words made his heart race and he seriously didn’t want to fall deeper for that dork. “You were like my older brother back then” he added and Kihyun felt disappointed but relieved at the same time. He was sure Changkyun considered him his big brother, it was something natural since they met a few months after he was born. “It feels different now though” he said and Kihyun’s gaze automatically fell on him. “What?” Kyunnie asked.
“What do you mean with that?” the elder could feel his heart exploding inside his chest.
“I didn’t mean to say you don’t feel like family” Changkyun started, not wanting to hurt Kihyun apparently. “You are still my family but I don’t feel like a stupid kid around you anymore, the age gap isn’t evident to me anymore” he explained and Kihyunnie finally understood his point. “Does it make any sense?” he chuckled, not knowing if he was speaking clearly.
“Yes, it does” the elder relaxed only to get nervous once again the moment Changkyun rested his head on his shoulder, saying he was getting sleepy. “Why don’t you go to bed, Kyunnie-yah?” Kihyun caressed his hair slowly.
“I want to be with you a little longer” Changkyun stated innocently and Kihyunnie knew he said it as a little brother but he couldn’t think about it that way. He wished to punch his own face and stop loving his brother’s best friend though it was really hard to achieve.
“Why don’t we go take a walk around the beach tomorrow night?” he proposed and Changkyun smiled, parting from him to then stand up - the two cups in his hands -.
“I’ll take that as a promise” the younger went to the kitchen to leave the cups and returned to Kihyun right after. “Good night, Kihyunnie-hyung” he said, patting the other’s head to then caress his cheek tenderly. Changkyun left to his room after that and Kihyun stayed there in silence, trying to calm his raced heart once more.
“Kihyun!” his mother’s voice echoed around the house while he was quietly studying and having breakfast. Everyone went to the beach but he seriously needed to study and he couldn’t concentrate at all with Changkyun around. He couldn’t stop thinking he would go walking with him at night and he wanted to save energy for that. “Come to the beach!” she yelled, startling him a bit with her high pitched voice.
“Mom, you told me I could study here” the younger rolled his eyes.
“Fine, do whatever you want” the woman left, leaving him alone. ‘Yes’ he thought, smiling and drinking more orange juice. Kihyun felt relaxed and he actually found the subject interesting despite his excitement to be with Changkyun later. His eyes fixated on the book’s pages and the silence helped him concentrate.
Jooheony and Kyunnie woke up earlier than him that morning because Kihyun stayed awake almost all night after chatting with the youngest. He couldn’t sleep well so he decided to stay in bed. His door was closed and his mother didn’t dare opening it; he could actually get a good rest. He heard the youngers screaming stupid things like they loved to do in the morning but he managed to ignore them and keep his eyes closed.
Kihyunnie studied in silence for a while until his cellphone rang. It was just a message from Minhyuk and he was really scared to open it. His brunette friend wouldn’t stop bothering him with Changkyun and he regretted telling him. Even Hyungwon was lighter than Minhyuk when it came to insist with something. The first one was lazy, unlike Minhyukkie. The latter had inhuman energy and Kihyun couldn’t handle it at some moments. His fingers softly brushed over the message and it opened, revealing what he feared.
From: Minhyuk
Hi there! How’s your sexual life going? Did you two do it on the beach? Tell me the details ;)
‘Aish’ he rolled his eyes, typing a quick answer before getting back to study. He sighed, knowing Minhyuk would get mad at him when he discovered he didn’t say anything to the younger. Just as he predicted, another message arrived and he decided to leave it there for a few minutes before reading it. He knew it wasn’t anything important so he didn’t care.
“Hyung!” Changkyun suddenly entered the kitchen, making him jump in surprise. “Sorry” he added, giggling. “I’ll just eat something and leave” he said and Jooheony appeared from the door, running like a maniac.
“What’s wrong with you two?” Kihyun rolled his eyes but laughed right after, watching Heony grab some snacks before leaving the other two alone. Kyunnie seemed to be indecisive, he went from the fridge to the shelves repeatedly, brushing his chin with his index finger as he usually did. “Changkyun” he called the teenager’s name, making him turn around. “What are you trying to find?” he asked and Changkyun went closer to him, sitting on the chair next to him.
“I can’t decide” he rested his face on the table. “Your cellphone is ringing” he said, picking up the device and making Kihyun panic. “It’s Minhyuk” Kyunnie told him and he desperately tried to take the phone away from the other’s hands. “Hey, relax” the younger started lifting it high in the air not to let him reach it. “Why can’t I see? You didn’t mind before” he kept on teasing him, running around while Kihyun followed him.
“Changkyun!” he yelled. “Give me my cellphone before I murder you!” he added but the younger was laughing, not paying attention to his complaints. He even went to a corner and opened the messages, causing Kihyun to go crazy and start slapping his back.
“Oh” Changkyun finally turned around and Kihyunnie’s heart was about to explode. He avoided his companion’s eyes, staring at the floor about to cry. “Do you have a boyfriend?” the younger asked him and his breath suddenly came back to him. Apparently, Minhyuk didn’t say any names and the teenager thought he was with someone else. Even if he could relax a bit, the tears he was holding dropped through his cheeks and Changkyun panicked. “Are you crying?!” he hugged Kihyun tightly, caressing his back in a comforting manner. “I’m sorry!” he apologized, making the elder cry harder. He didn’t even realize they weren’t at the kitchen any longer. “I didn’t think you were serious and I just wanted to tease you, I’m so sorry!” he kept on repeating, feeling terribly bad.
Once Kihyun could calm down, he took the cellphone from his crush’s hand and dried his tears. They were in the youngers’ bedroom; something really good since he didn’t want anyone to see him crying like a baby. “Y-you are an asshole” he punched Changkyun’s chest.
“I feel really bad now” Kyunnie seemed to be serious about that. “I’m sorry, hyung!” he kneeled on the floor and put his palms together on the top of his head to beg for forgiveness. Kihyun patted his head, chuckling a bit and sniffing because of all the crying he did seconds ago. “I won’t say anything” he stood up, hugging the elder tightly once more.
“It’s okay” he finally calmed down, taking a deep breath the moment he parted from Changkyun. “I overreacted a bit...” he said, even if he knew he didn’t overreact at all because the younger could find out about his crush for him. Kyunnie seemed to be feeling guilty and kept on caressing his back sweetly - something he secretly enjoyed -.
“Your parents don’t know, right?” Changkyun asked him, sitting on his bed and patting the space next to him. Kihyun hesitantly sat down next to him, not knowing if it was a good idea. He was seriously dying to read the messages Minhyuk sent him but he could wait a little more. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” ‘because I’m in love with you’ Kihyun thought after hearing that question.
“I didn’t think it was necessary... I only told Jooheony” he confessed, staring at his hands while moving them.
“I understand, it’s not like I need to know everything” the younger chuckled. “Me too” he added after a few seconds of staying quiet.
“You too what?” Kihyun frowned, not understanding Changkyun’s words.
“I’m gay too” Kihyunnie’s jaw dropped to the floor when he heard that. He couldn’t believe Minhyuk was right the whole time. “I can see you didn’t expect that” the teenager giggled.
“No... I” he shut up, not knowing what to do. ‘Should I tell him?’ he thought, feeling his heart racing like it did the night before. “You seem straight” he finally continued, still considering the possibility of taking everything out.
“Heony told me the same thing when he discovered it” he laughed shyly, staring at his lap. “Congratulations, by the way” he lifted his head, patting Kihyun’s back with a toothless smile on his face. “I hope you are really happy with your boyfriend” he added and, before Kihyunnie could deny it, Jooheony entered.
“Yah” he had a bored expression. “What is taking you so long?” his brother jumped on top of them, making them laugh.
“I was bothering Kihyun-hyung and I made him cry” Changkyun said and Kihyunnie punched his arm.
“Shut up! That’s not true, I never cry” the elder denied and Jooheon stared at them suspiciously.
“Okay, this is weird” Jooheony stood up. “Let’s go” he grabbed his best friend’s hand, dragging him outside and leaving Kihyun there with a clouded mind. He forgot about the messages until he saw the device in his hand and decided to open them.
From: Minhyuk
What do you mean no sex? Aren’t you with your boyfriend there?
He sighed, thanking the heavens Minhyukkie didn’t write Kookoongi.
From: Minhyuk
Yah! Don’t ignore me or I’ll steal your boyfriend!
Kihyun understood the reason of Changkyun’s confusion. Even if he couldn’t tell him the entire truth, he felt he had a small chance now. Kyunnie was gay, just like him. Maybe he loved Kihyun back.
After having dinner with their parents, the young ones started playing video games over the TV the house had. Jooheony took two consoles, a tiny one for the car and his PS. Kihyunnie loved playing and he always won against the others though, at that moment, he couldn’t stop staring at Changkyun. The latter was playing against Jooheony, losing as always, and Kihyun found him adorable as hell. He had his hood on and he kept on screaming in frustration. “You haven’t gotten any better, Kookoongi” the elder teased him, earning a sweet pout in response.
“You are mean” Kyunnie said, yelling with a funny voice when Heony won another time. “Hey, I don’t want to play anymore” he complained. “I’m bored” he gave the controller to Kihyun and rested his back on the sofa, watching the other two play. The elder won, of course, but he couldn’t help feeling anxious. His heart was beating fast and it wasn’t because of the game.
“Hyung~!” Jooheony whined this time, making Changkyun laugh at him while pointing his index finger at his face. “You cannot make fun of me with those abilities” he told his best friend. “Hey, should we go to sleep? We are leaving tomorrow morning and we need to wake up early” he took a look at his cellphone seeing it was already 12pm.
“Sure” Changkyun stood up, winking at Kihyun before leaving with Jooheony to their shared bedroom. Kihyunnie waited over the living room after everyone went to bed - even with his mom scolding him once more - because he knew Kyunnie would appear as soon as Heony fell asleep.
Just like he predicted, an hour later, Changkyun silently walked towards him. He was wearing warmer clothes than before because the beach’s breeze was extremely cold at night. Kihyunnie already had his own coat and he never changed his long pajama pants since he stayed inside the house the whole day. “Let’s go” the younger whispered, intertwining their fingers to drag him outside.
They walked in silence for a while, just staring at the sky and touching the soft waves with their bare feet. Kihyun was taking courage to tell his companion and he was spacing out so hard he feared he wouldn’t hear Changkyun speaking if he did. He turned to look at him to be sure he wasn’t saying anything and he thankfully wasn’t. The younger’s gaze was on the sand, making Kihyunnie wonder if he was trying to say something too.
“Kookoongi” he whispered in the other’s ear, startling him big time and finding out he was thinking like him. Changkyun laughed when he recomposed himself, telling him he was distracted watching the waves that hit his feet. “It’s okay, I just wanted to tease you” he smiled toothlessly at the teenager.
“I figured” Kyunnie chuckled, starting to play with his long sleeves. It was a little awkward to see how uncomfortable he felt. He pretended not to but Kihyun knew him too well. “Hey, hyung” he hesitantly called him, avoiding eye contact. “How did you realize it?” he asked curiously and Kihyunnie thought he looked really cute like that.
“I realized it at your age” the elder started. “After I lost weight” they both chuckled at those words. “But that wasn’t the reason of course” Kihyun giggled, taking a deep breath before talking once again. He was still trying to find the way to tell him he was in love with him. ‘Maybe I should start telling him I don’t have a boyfriend’ he thought. “I just felt it... at the beginning I considered myself sick but then I understood it was this damn society manipulating my mind and I accepted it” Changkyun nodded at his words. “I never liked girls and I thought it was because I was young but my friends had girlfriends and I wasn’t even interested in having one” he saw the younger raising his hand as if it was his case too. “How about you?” he asked, wishing to know every detail.
“I realized it three years ago” ‘whoa, so young’ Kihyun thought, feeling a bit stupid to accept it so late. “Actually, I accepted it three years ago because I knew it since I was a kid” he confessed.
“Wow, I feel ashamed now” Kihyunnie said and Changkyun laughed at his attitude.
“Why would you feel ashamed?” he shook his head, circling an arm around the elder’s shoulders. “My parents aren’t like your mom, they already know” he added and Kihyun agreed. His mother was always scolding him and she had a very Korean way of thinking. Changkyun stayed quiet after saying that and Kihyunnie started getting impatient; he really wished to know how he realized it. He didn’t know the reason of his anxiety but he was dying to know. “Oh! I forgot I had to go on” he chuckled. “I realized it because I didn’t like girls at all and when adults asked me if I liked someone I told them I hated girls” Kyunnie laughed. “I know it’s normal when you are a kid but I felt I would never be with a girl” he added to make Kihyun understand. The latter just nodded, wanting to hear more. “But” he paused. “Someone made me accept it” he stopped walking and stared at the floor. “Someone really special to me” Kihyun felt his heart racing like never before, even if he wasn’t sure what would Changkyun say next. “I saw him at his birthday party” he suddenly lifted his gaze and stared into the elder’s eyes. “And my heart stopped” he confessed and Kihyun could tell he was hesitating about the rest. “I swear I’ll murder your boyfriend if he doesn’t take care of you” he said and Kihyunnie was sure it was him. He was the one Changkyun was talking about.
“I don’t have any boyfriend” he took courage to speak. “Minhyuk was talking about you” he smiled. “And I accepted it because of you too” he blushed, seeing Kyunnie widening his eyes. “At your 16th birthday party” he went on. “And I feel like a damn pedophile for loving my brother’s best friend but... I love you, Changkyun-ah” the elder saw a smile on Changkyun’s lips and his hand went to grab Kihyun’s face, getting him closer to finally kiss him.
The teenager’s lips were soft and warm, matching perfectly with Kihyunnie’s ones. They moved softly, almost innocently. Changkyun didn’t want to scare him and he didn’t want to scare Changkyun with something bolder. Only after a few minutes, the younger circled his waist and he caressed the teenager’s cheek with one palm while resting the other on his chest. Kihyun didn’t even feel the cold breeze anymore, his body stopped shaking and his mind went completely blank.
They parted after what felt like ages to stare at each other’s eyes. Their bright smiles were illuminated by the moonlight and they didn’t let go. “I love you too, Kihyunnie-hyung” Changkyun confessed, kissing his lips once again. “I don’t want to go back” he whispered in between their connected lips.
“Me neither” Kihyun gave him soft pecks and hugged him tightly right after. “This is so illegal” he added and the younger laughed out loud. “But I don’t give a fuck” he pushed Kyunnie, making him land over the dry sand with his back. The elder laughed, pointing at him with his index finger before a hand dragged him down too. They fought with sand for a while until they grew tired and started kissing once more; this time, laying on the cold surface.
“How are we going to tell Heony?” Changkyun asked him on their way back and Kihyun stayed silent, not knowing what to say.
“Mm... what if we kiss in front of him?” the elder joked, making Changkyun shake his head repeatedly. “Let’s just keep it to ourselves and Minhyuk for now, we’ll figure it out” he patted Kyunnie’s stomach, circling an arm around his shoulders and kissing his cheek.
“Okay... just tell Minhyuk-hyung that we won’t have sex yet” the younger reminded him about the messages he read earlier and he wanted to punch Minhyukkie’s face. “I don’t want the police to arrest you” he kept on joking, earning a slap on his cheek. “Hey!” he protested. “I was joking” he pouted.
“I know” Kihyunnie felt so well he would surely get a good night sleep after taking a shower. “I’ll shower first” he said. “Unless you want me to break the law” he winked and Changkyun became nervous. “I’m joking” he pecked the younger’s lips.
“Fine, you can shower first but you’ll have to sing me a goodnight song” the teenager tried to threaten him.
“Hell no, we’ll wake Jooheony and he’ll find out about our relationship” he denied and Changkyun surrendered.
“Fine” he sighed, silently opening the front door not to wake up anyone.
After 4 months of dating secretly, Changkyun invited Kihyun to go to an amusement park. Minhyuk agreed to lie for him in case Jooheony suspected something and Kyunnie told his best friend he was sick. Jooheon wanted to go before their school exams so the couple felt a little guilty for not taking him. They seriously wished to be alone since the last days had been almost impossible.
So there they were, holding hands while walking around the food stands and stealing kisses from time to time. Kihyun couldn’t relax when he knew Hyungwon loved to ruin his dates and he was the master of finding out where he was. The elder didn’t understand how the hell he guessed but he always managed to appear in front of their faces together with Jihoon. Also, Changkyun told him Hoshi was trying to convince Jooheon of going. He doubted his brother would go without his life friend though it could be a possibility.
“Down!” he whispered, dragging his boyfriend to the floor with him. He thought he saw Hyungwon’s newly dyed blond hair but there wasn’t anyone blond around when he looked at the crowd. “I’m sorry, it was just my imagination” he stood up and the younger laughed.
“It’s fine, Hyungwon-hyung loves to bother us” Changkyun pecked his nose to then take him to the line. They needed to wait over there if they wanted to actually get food. Kyunnie bought a hot dog for him, even if he complained, saying they shouldn’t pay for the other’s things. “I don’t care, I want to buy it for you” he protested like a baby after Kihyun scolded him.
“I don’t want you to use your father’s money” the elder whined, eating the hot dog anyway.
“He has a lot of it, don’t worry” Changkyun rolled his eyes, eating too. They spent their time going from one game to the other until they grew tired of screaming - in Kihyunnie’s case because the younger didn’t fear anything - and decided to go get coffee. They found a stand that sold it and Kihyun quickly paid this time.
The elder sat on a bench, being followed by his boyfriend and they started talking about stupid things. Kihyun felt really comfortable around him and he knew Changkyun did too. Their intertwined fingers played while they drank coffee and let out jokes but Kihyunnie wanted to kiss his companion. He went closer and pecked his lips, resting his chin on the teenager’s shoulder right after. He winked at him and Kyunnie chuckled, knowing what he wanted to do.
The younger turned his face to Kihyun’s side and grabbed his cheek to kiss him softly, making him happy. They knew people weren’t used to see a gay couple kissing in public but Changkyun made the elder understand he shouldn’t care about the others. They weren’t having sex in the middle of the park; they weren’t even using their tongues. It was an innocent lip lock, the thing they had been doing for months.
“Oh my god!” they suddenly heard and Kihyun stopped to then widen his eyes. “My brother and my best friend? Seriously guys?” Jooheony grabbed his head, not fully believing it. Hoshi seemed surprised too but he chuckled when Changkyun raised his shoulders.
“We are sorry, Heony!” the older brother stood up from the bench, hugging Jooheon while repeating his apology over and over again. Kyunnie just stared at the scene until Jooheony turned to him. It was embarrassing for Kihyun but, in the end, his brother accepted it and threatened his best friend.
“No dirty things with my brother, understood? I won’t be your friend anymore if you do it” he whispered in Changkyun’s ear but Kihyun heard him and shook his head. Heony couldn’t decide about that though the couple wanted to make him feel better, so the younger nodded.
“I promise” he crossed his fingers behind his back and the university student punched his arm. “Ah! What?!” he yelled in pain. “I promised Heony I wouldn’t do anything dirty with you” he said and Kihyun rolled his eyes, dragging the three teenagers to another game: the house of horror. Jooheony screamed so loudly he forgot about their relationship and everything went less awkward from that moment.