Chapter Text
8/24/13
Dear Journal,
Hi! I'm Jessica, but everyone (my mom) calls me Jessy. You're my third journal already this year, yah I write a lot. I hope you don't mind that I'm going to write in you like you can reply to me because I've tried to stop doing that but it never works. I guess you could say that a lot goes on in my life, or the complete opposite too. They're both reasons why I write so much. I have a very rare form of leukemia. It's typically not too bad, but it won't go away, so I have to keep going through Chemotherapy. I lost all of my hair a while ago, so I'm used to being bald now, but I still wear hats all the time. I've recently been moved to another new hospital but this time my mom couldn't move with me. Normally she would just pick up her life and rent a cheap apartment near the hospital I was living in at the time. She couldn't come because she had finally gotten out and met someone while I was at the hospital. During my four year stay she had not only gotten married but had two other children as well. There's no way I could force my mom to move around with me now. Plus I'm only a ten hour drive away, I'm sure she'll come visit me all the time. I'll be seventeen in two months anyway I shouldn't need my mommy around at all times anymore, I'll be fine. Well I guess that's it for now, goodbye journal.
Love,
Jessy
Jessica (Jessy) Anne McLaren. That's her name, that's what it said atop all the forms and records in the various hospitals across the country that she's stayed in for varying periods of time. Jessy has been living in hospitals practically her whole life. She was diagnosed with leukemia at age seven, almost ten years ago, and even though she'll probably live at least another five years, she's constantly sick. Her body is too busy trying to fight off the cancer; it doesn't realize that other germs have gotten in and are making her sick.
She could probably live at home, but they would need a nurse there, and she couldn't leave the house very often or even go to school. So there's really not a point, it just makes more sense for her to stay at the hospital. The last hospital she lived in didn't have many people her age; it was more for adults, so her only friends were the nurses and doctors she saw daily. Lucky for her this hospital was made just foe people eighteen and under, so even though she was on the older end of things, there was a lot more people around her age.
She didn't have a roommate, and for that, she was thankful. Jessy wasn't the type of person you'd want to share a room with. She was messy (her mom used to call her messy Jessy), she stays up until all hours of the night and then sleeps just about all day, she gets extremely grumpy if woken up, etc.
Right after Jessy put away her new journal there was a knock on the door. She mumbled a barely audible "come in" that she hopes whoever was outside her room had heard. Apparently they did because the door opened and someone walked in. Right away Jessy realized that it was her new doctor, Dr. Clare Chamberlin. She asked Jessy to call her Clare but Jessy thought it was strange to start calling your doctor her first name after only knowing her for a couple days.
"Hi Jessy, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Chamberlin asks.
"Fine," Jessy replies. Even though she's only been at the hospital for a total of five days they had already worked out a code. Good meant that she was feeling better than usual, fine meant the same as usual, okay meant a little worse that usual, and if she said bad you knew something's was seriously wrong.
"That's good, how are you settling? Do you like it here?" Dr. Chamberlin questions.
"I've settled fine. There's really not much different here, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess most hospitals look and feel the same. I have a meeting to go to, but a nurse will be here in a few minutes to check some things over. After that you're free to go look around, maybe make some friends." Dr. Chamberlin says as she walks out.
Friends, that's one thing Jessy doesn't have. It's not like she hasn't tried to make friends because she has and she's had friends in the past. She just no longer sees the point of having friends. When you both live in the hospital due to a terminal illness, you never know when one of you will leave the other. Sometimes you're just transferred to a different wing or floor of the same hospital and you can stay friends for a while longer, sometimes you're transferred to a different hospital and you try the long distance friendship thing but it never works out, and the worst sometimes of them all one of the two friends doesn't beat the illness and you have to watch your friend die. Jessy has had that happen to her twice already and she can't bare to watch another friend die so she just doesn't have them.
The nurse came in a few minutes later and checked Jessy over, asking a lot of questions all the while. Jessy isn't a big fan of questions, never has been, never will be. She thinks that it's probably because she's always asked the same questions and gets bored of them. The doctors and nurses always ask how she's feeling, if she needs anything, if she's in any pain, and she gets sick of it. She always feels like crap, if she needed anything she could get it herself, and yes she's probably in pain. She understands that it's their job to ask these questions but they could at least try to mix it up a little.
The only thing worse than the questions that doctors ask are the ones that normal, every day people ask. They ask the stupidest questions like, "What is it like to have cancer?" or "How long are you going to live?" Really you're going to ask a teenage girl how long she thinks she's going to live? Not a good idea, but in Jessy opinion the worst questions are the ones said with pity. Pity is the last thing she wants from anyone, people and medical staff alike. Being pitted makes her feel small and helpless, it makes her want to give up hope in beating this disease. So yeah, she doesn't like questions.
Jessy had been so deep in thought she didn't notice that the nurse had finished and left. She was brought out of her mind by the sound of her stomach growling. Deciding that she should probably get something to eat, Jessy got out of bed and walked over to her little closet to put on a beanie before she leaves for the cafeteria type place. After getting a turkey sandwich and a bottle of water Jessy found an empty table where she could eat alone. Just as she was taking her first bite a loud boy with bright blue hair came and say down at her table.
"Hi, my name's Kyle, are you new here because I haven't seen you around before?" he asks sticking his hand out for Jessy to shake.
"I'm Jessy and yeah, I just got here a couple of days ago." she replies.
"Ah that's cool, so I'm guessing you have cancer judging by your lack of hair? I'm here a lot for miscellaneous injuries." He says, his voice getting smaller as he speaks.
"Yah I do have cancer, no big deal. Why are you here so often?" Jessy muses ignoring the slightly rude comment about her hair.
"Ha... nothing big, I'm just really clumsily is all," he replies, clearly nervous.
Jessy decides to drop the topic so she doesn't ruin her first chance at having a friend in years. They sit and talk for what seems like hours but was only 45 minutes before a nurse came to bring Kyle back to his room. They had talked about a lot in that short 45 minutes, Jessy learned that Kyle had two best friends named Elijah and Christian and that they were always hanging out together playing video games and such. Talking to Kyle made Jessy realize how much she wanted a friend and she hoped she'll find one in Kyle.