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"Fury, why did you bring us here?"
Steve and Bucky are standing beside the hot tub they magically spewed from a minute ago. The surroundings scream ski resort, which means snow, and thus, soaking-wet Steve and Bucky are fucking freezing.
"Barnes, when are you ever going to listen to a briefing? This is where the rest of the team ended up after their little trip through Tony's hot tub time machine."
Steve is busy shaking the water out of his ears but doesn't miss the opportunity to call Fury on his lack of upfront information. "You never explained why Tony invented a time machine or why he thought a trip to the 1980s would be a good idea,"
"Or how you can manage to project yourself back in time, but we have to get flushed into the '80s," Bucky says.
"You gentlemen have experience being out of place in time. Physically going backward won't affect you in any way. If I were to go back, I would look the way I did in 1986, and while I was just as handsome back then as I am now, I'm just not willing to relive any part of the Reagan administration."
"So Tony, Clint, Bruce, and Natasha look like they did in 1986?" Steve asks.
"Yes. Natasha likely looks about the same for reasons you gentlemen are aware of, but the other three will be their youthful selves." Fury looks down at his watch, which seems like a really ridiculous action given the time-bending scenario they're in, then looks up with his Face of Dismissal. "Now go find them before Tony does something stupid like become his own grandfather or something."
Fury then disappears into thin air.
Steve and Bucky look at each other and give mutual shrugs.
"So, Cap, where do we begin?"
"Follow the tracks, I guess."
"What ... oh." Bucky looks down on the snow-covered ground to see four sets of footprints winding toward the main skiing area.
It doesn't take them long to find the foursome, especially since a baby-faced Tony is arguing with a young man in a red jacket.
"I don't care who you are," the young man says. "You're distracting the skiers and screwing around on my slopes. You keep doing it, and whatever this thing is," he's waving around Tony's cell phone, "is going up your ass."
Natasha senses their approach and turns to greet Steve and Bucky. "Took you two long enough. You missed Stark getting hilariously schooled on ski slope safety." Her hair's long and straight, but she looks mostly unchanged. "His name's Blaine. Of all of the pompous names ... "
Bruce, who is sporting a thick head of classic Patrick Swayze hair, is trying to pull Tony away from the young man.
"Tony, we can go now. The friends that we were waiting for have finally arrived. Right, friends?" Bruce asks with exaggerated emphasis in Steve and Bucky's direction.
"Yeah, Blaine. Quit being a dick and give Tony back his Communist spy communicator." That earns Clint an elbow to the ribs by Natasha. His hair is a buzz cut with a rat tail, and Bucky is so ready to ridicule Barton but is distracted when he gets a good look at Blaine.
He looks like Bucky. A snarl-lipped, floppy-haired Bucky.
Steve notices the resemblance too and whispers in Bucky's ear, "Did you moonlight as a ski patroller in the '80s?"
Bucky doesn't have a lot of memories from that decade, but he's fairly certain the Soviets had no need for him to take down the United States through the ski resorts of the Northwest.
Before Bucky can respond, Blaine is approaching them. More specifically, approaching Steve.
"It can't be. You ... you can't be him," Blaine is muttering. "No, wait. Of course! You are him! You're Captain America!"
Steve and the others are frozen in shock. How can this kid in the '80s recognize Steve as Captain America so confidently?
"I, uh, how?" Steve asks, not even wanting to deny the kid's assertion. He's really curious about the Bucky-lookalike.
"I have your face and history memorized. Sir, I'm a patriot, and I know my great American heroes. Only the real Captain America could have your jaw."
Tony snorts. "Tell that to the Human Torch." Bruce tries to shush him, but young, totally rad Tony says what he wants, damn it. "What? I'm not the only one who thinks Johnny Storm is just Steve with chest hair. And now there's some kid who looks just like Barnes? Mother Nature soooo lacks imagination."
"Or somebody's their own grandfather," Clint says.
"Cut it out! Nobody is or will be their own grandfather," Steve says to the group, then turns to Blaine. "Young man, you say you're a patriot. Can I trust you with America's secrets?"
"Absolutely, sir. Have the coasts fallen? Are the Communists invading the Northwest ski resorts?" (Bucky does a double-take and quietly re-evaluates the possibility that this kid really is him.)
"Son, you did a good job here today," Steve says in his most solemn voice, never breaking eye contact with Blaine. "Because, yes, these people are Communists."
Everyone looks at Steve like he's grown a second head, but he ignores them and gives Natasha a pointed look.
She sighs and rolls her eyes (because she gets what Steve is doing), then begins an angry-sounding vitriol in Russian. Bucky knows better and is trying to keep from laughing. Natasha's describing all of the places she's had sex.
They make their move to escape then. Bucky grabs Clint and Natasha as if he were taking them into custody, and Steve does the same with Tony and Bruce.
"Wait, Captain!" Blaine shouts as they try to shuffle back to the lodge. "Take me with you! I can be your new sidekick. I look just like a hotter Bucky Barnes!"
Oh, Bucky is going to kill this kid. Blaine hasn't once turned to look at the very alive (and very hot, fuck you, Blaine) former sidekick of Captain America, but Bucky's about to remedy that with a boot to a kneecap. Blaine's saved, however, by Clint and Natasha, who subtly hold him back.
"Blaine," Steve begins, "I appreciate the offer. I really do. But I think you can better serve America here on her fine ski slopes." Steve gives him a winning smile. "Take care, son, and God bless."
Blaine gives a sloppy salute, holding back tears. Steve stares at him for a moment and feels a pang of something. He turns to Bucky, who is looking at Blaine and likely thinking what Steve is thinking. Blaine really does look like the Bucky he knew in his youth, without the scars of war and the decades of blood. But Steve (and hopefully Bucky) has realized during his time out of the ice that no good can come from yearning for things in the past. His best friend is with him now. That's what matters.
They make their way back to the hot tub, and Steve finally relaxes enough to ask Tony the big questions. "Why, Tony?! Why the hell did you build a time machine? In the form of a hot tub? And take most of the team back to the 1980s?"
"The short answer for why I built a time machine is simply because I could." Yeah, Tony's typical snarkiness is right at home on his youthful face. "Why a hot tub? I'm wealthy. If I'm building a time machine, I'm doing it in the most obnoxiously rich way. There's nothing that says obnoxious and rich like a party-sized hot tub."
They all nod as if any of this really made sense.
Tony continues. "We went back to the 1980s because of practical reasons. I knew about that whole reverse-aging hiccup and figured a time in the past when we were young and care-free wouldn't be too bad to experience again."
And they all get it. Who wouldn't want to go back to their youth to relive and redo a few things? Like Steve, he yearned for some things in the past. But Tony being Tony, he turned his yearning into an opportunity, and he wanted to share the experience with his team, his friends.
Bucky clasps a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You know, Steve, you're the only one out of all of us to never see this decade."
The group stares at the hot tub for a while and comes to a silent agreement.
"We should stay," Clint says. "Just for a little while."
"For Steve's education and benefit," Bruce adds.
"Where do we start?" Natasha asks.
"The hair, of course," Tony answers. "Steve, buddy, we need to get you to a salon. It's Flock of Seagulls for you."