Work Text:
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
[..]Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
[..]I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
[..]If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
Peter couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t something new; he’d always had issues sleeping. Even as a child. But as a child he always had Kraglin and Yondu to help him sleep. Well, they helped in their own weird way. Kraglin would try to slip him medication to help him sleep and Yondu would immediately slap the pills out of his hands claiming that they’d kill their only good look out. But, in the end, Yondu would give him warm milk while pretending to be disinterested and aloof. Well, it was only recently that Peter realized Yondu was pretending but then he believed the Centaurian’s act.
This was what was keeping him awake. There was only one person who could help him sleep but he would no longer be there to slip him some warm milk when he needed it. Peter was dead tired and he knew he’d be able to sleep if only he could just turn his brain off. He was so desperate that he was even considering asking for help from Mantis.
But the thought of doing something just like his father stopped him dead in his tracks. He didn’t want to be like his “father”. Sure, when he was a kid he wanted nothing more than to be like his fantasy dad but look how that turned out.
He had a dick for a father, who had not only killed who even knows how many other innocent children but had also killed his own mother, whom he claimed he loved. Ego turned out to be nothing more than a sperm donor. And if Ego killing his other children and Peter’s mother wasn’t enough, he was also indirectly-directly to blame for killing the man who really was his dad.
If you had told Peter even a week ago that he would one day call Yondu his dad he would’ve laughed in your face. Yondu was not his dad; he was an alien who was hell-bent on finding Peter and killing him.
As it turns out, Yondu was not actually all that hell-bent on killing Peter. Chances were that he was just keeping tabs on the man while using bounty hunting as a guise. Ultimately, it was Yondu who pulled through for Peter just as he had countless times before and Peter was too stubborn or too caught up in his own head to realize that Yondu was saving him out of love until it was too late.
Yondu had told Peter with his last fleeting breaths that he thought of himself as Peter’s father and that Ego was just the person responsible for making sure Peter came into the universe. Yondu was the one to raise him. He taught him right from wrong (a little unconventionally, sure, but the sediment was still the same), he taught him the survival skills necessary to make it on his own (even though he fell out of the nest a few times before he was able to fly on his own) and what family looked like. Peter was just too caught up in his make believe fantasy father that he failed to see his real father-Yondu.
Suddenly all those times he teasingly called Yondu “dad” were not so funny anymore. All the times Yondu ruffled his hair had a whole new meaning. Yondu calling him “son” was not just a habitual nickname-he meant it. All of the little things started to weigh on Peter’s chest.
“Agh!” Peter groaned and shoved his face into his pillow. “Shut off you stupid brain! Shut off!”
He didn't feel the soft hand press to his skull until he was already asleep.
For the first few seconds everything was a little blurry and it took a moment for Peter to get his bearings straight. Once he did, he gasped in shock. He knew these halls! He knew this ship! He had grown up here!
Without thinking Peter began running, letting his feet take him where they wished. He smiled widely as he ran his hands along the familiar walls. He was home.
He stopped in front of a very familiar room. Yondu’s room. His heart sped up as he pressed his palm into the security pad waiting for the door to unlock for him. Once it did, he cautiously pushed the door open.
The dream felt so real and a part of him was hoping that he wouldn’t be greeted with an empty room behind the door. But he was disappointed to find the cold, dark and most importantly, empty.
He let out a disappointed noise and frowned to the dark room. This room had never let him down before. Anytime he needed to find safety or comfort he would go unthinkingly to the Captain’s quarters. But now it was no longer the room he remembered. It lacked the warmth it used to have and no longer smelled like the blue alien.
Turning, he continued running but this time he had a destination in mind. If he was going to find what he was looking for, there was only one other place he could find it-the bridge. Yondu spent a great deal of time there and Peter desperately hoped that he would stick to his old patterns. Even in a dream.
It wasn’t long before Peter burst through the doors leading to the bridge. A quick scan showed that nothing was different about the bridge in his dream than in real life.
“Yondu?” Peter called out tentatively. He almost felt stupid calling out for his old captain. He knew he was dreaming and that Yondu was no longer alive but part of him was still hoping that by some miracle, Yondu would return his call.
Peter slowly continued his walk to the captain’s chair where he’d most likely find Yondu. He smirked when he saw all of Yondu’s prized trinkets all lined up on the dash just as they used to be in life.
He stood behind the chair for a short moment before taking a deep breath and pushing the chair to spin towards him.
Empty. The chair was empty.
Peter collapsed to the ground in disappointment before whispering, “I’m sorry, Yondu. I don’t know if you can hear me or not but I’m sorry. I know that this is just a dream and maybe that makes me a coward for only apologizing to you in my dreams but I mean it. I am so, so sorry for everything. I was such a shit and I made your life hell. I back talked, crashed your ships, accidentally shot at Horuz, stole the damn orb from you and kept going on and on about finding my ‘real dad’. It must’ve hurt your feelings when I would talk about seeing my ‘father’ when you considered yourself to be my father.” Peter took a shaky breath noticing the wetness on his cheeks before continuing, “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
It was quiet for a long moment allowing Peter to wallow in his own sorrow before a voice broke him out of his thoughts.
“Boy, I ain’t ever fault ya for wanting to find your father.”
Peter shot up from where he was slouched and spun around to face the familiar voice. One he never thought he’d ever hear again. “Yondu!”
“I’m right here, Boy. No need to shout.” Yondu laughed but caught Peter in a strong hug when the man threw himself at the Ravager. “Why ya crying, Son?”
“Because, I was a horrible son.” Peter whispered in the man’s shoulder. “I didn’t even realize I was a horrific son until it was too late.”
“You weren’t that bad, Pete.” Yondu chuckled before pulling Peter away by his shoulders. “Besides, how was you supposed to know that I thought of you as my son if I never told you?”
“You did all the things I wanted Ego to do!” Peter mumbled looking down at his shoes. “You taught me to fight, how to fire a gun, how to fly, how to be a man.”
“I taught you to survive, Son.” Yondu sighed before putting a blue finger under Peter’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact with the Centaurian. “I could’ve done more by ya, kid. I should’ve done more by ya. For that, I am sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Yondu.” Peter sniffed. “Even if you did, you made up for it when you died to save me.”
“Any self-respecting father would do that for their son, Pete.” Yondu sighed as he finally got to the bottom of Peter’s sadness. “You never had to ask for me to do that and I never had a second thought when I did it.”
“I didn’t deserve it though.”
“You don’t need to deserve it, Peter.” Yondu told him firmly. “It’s what fathers are supposed to do. Fathers are supposed to protect their kids-not try to kill them.”
“Still.” Peter muttered. “You should’ve saved yourself. I shouldn’t have lived. It’s not fair!”
“There’s no way in hell I was gonna let you die,” Yondu said fiercely. “No father should have to bury their child, Peter. I couldn’t live with myself if I had to bury you.”
“You wouldn’t bury me,” Peter joked. “You’d light me on fire and send my ashes into the universe.”
“Boy,” Yondu sighed loudly. “Do you really think that’s much better? Do you really think that I wouldn’t keep your ashes if I had the strength to even cremate you? How do you think I’d feel watching my son’s body burn because I wasn’t a big enough man ta’ save him when he needed me the most? What kind of father would that make me?”
“I know how that felt, Dad. I had to do it,” Peter whispered.
“I know,” Yondu said softly. “And I am truly sorry you had to do that without the closure you deserved. But it’s not the same when it’s your son’s body that you’re watching burn when you know you could’ve-should’ve-saved him. It just ain’t the same, Petey.”
“So I wouldn’t get a proper Ravager funeral then?” Peter frowned.
“No, you ain’t a Ravager anymore, Pete.” Yondu smirked sadly at his son. “You’s a Guardian. You don’t get no Ravager funeral if ya ain’t a Ravager.”
“Gee thanks,” Peter muttered under his breath but couldn’t find it in himself to feel upset or offended. “What’re you doing here anyway? If this is a dream does this mean you’re not real?”
“The only one who thinks I’m fake here is you, Boy.” Yondu laughed. “Despite this being a dream, it’s real and I’m really here.”
“But, how?” Peter asked not sure if Yondu had an actual answer but it was worth asking anyway.
“Something about me bein’ an empath and you bein’ a celestial.” Yondu shrugged.
“Wait, you’re empathic?” Peter gawked.
“Close yer trap, Kiddo.” Yondu rolled his eyes. “Of course I am. All Centaurians are empathic with life beings.”
“So because you can sense emotions you can stay in my dreams?” Peter asked. “Can you do that with everyone?”
Yondu let out a snort of laughter at Peter’s semi-innocent question, “Of course not! If I could don’t you think I’d be haunting my damn traitorous crew right now? Nah, I can only meet with people who I had a deep emotional connection with in life.”
“We had a deep emotional connection?” Peter raised his brows at the statement.
“About as deep as I could get with ya.” Yondu rolled his eyes. “Just cause I was hard on you doesn’t mean I didn’t shut your emotions out. I knew what you was feelin’ but I couldn’t let myself become too emotional about it. I didn’t want to give ma crew a reason to become suspicious. What good that did me in the end, eh?”
“So you kept ‘emotional tabs’ on me?” Peter used his hands to make air quotations to enforce his point.
“Don't make it creepy!” Yondu scowled at the younger male briefly before smiling at him again.
A loud beeping noise echoed through the ship and Peter noticed his vision was becoming blurry around the edges.
“What’s happening?” Peter cried out in alarm.
“I think it’s time for ya to wake up,” Yondu smiled before taking his son into one last hug.
“Wait! I don’t want you to go! I haven’t had enough time!” Peter panicked.
“It’s okay, Boy.” Yondu assured his frantic son. “I’m not leavin’. I’ll be right here.” Yondu pointed to Peter’s heart. “Anytime you need to talk, I’ll be here in ya dreams too.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Peter sniffled as he noticed himself becoming more and more transparent as his physical body began to wake. “I appreciate everything. I mean it.”
“I know, Boy. I’m an empath remember?” Yondu tapped Peter’s head teasingly.
“Don’t be an ass,” Peter chuckled. “I’m trying to have a moment here.”
“I know,” Yondu laughed as he watched his son slowly fade away. “Now go save the universe, Kid.”
“Okay,” Peter waved as he began to disappear completely. “I’ll see you soon, Pops.”
“Proud of you, Pete.” Yondu said just as Peter woke.
I'll go wherever you will go