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****
Lance wasn't an instinctual person.
He prided himself on his cool rational thinking, an inherited skill he kept honing over the years, reaching to the point he had now, a calm demeanour washing over him even if he was on the brink of death.
But right there and then?
Instinct was the sole thing guiding his actions.
The Garla ship was far stronger than they had anticipated, it's weaponry proving to be a challenge for the paladins.
They tried forming Voltron, only to quickly realise they were nothing but a vulnerable target when one.
Hence the splitting up, deciding to attack the ship from all sides.
Keith was manning the front, using his Lion's swift agility to dodge lasers flying like stray bullets.
Yet one hit. One single beam he hadn't noticed, was coming straight his way with no way to escape.
Lance wasn't a man of instinct.
But at that moment the only think he could see and think of was to keep him safe.
What happened after that was a blur.
****
"I'm sorry Lance, I'm just...I'm not sure of the extent of the damage just yet."
He shook his head, hiding his worry under a false bravado and smile.
"I'm sure there's something you can do though right? I mean this is probably like a routine thing for you guys yeah?"
Allura put a hand onto his shoulder, squeezing tight at his broken expression.
"It hurts us all just as much, believe me, but I'm afraid you'll have to stay out of battle for now."
He couldn't hide the widening of his eyes, his body shaking to keep tears from shedding.
"I'm sorry Lance. I think Blue is...Blue is gone."
He ran out of the room, unable to keep from breaking down any longer.
When he'd woken up next, he had fallen over and out of the cryopod, straight into Hunk's arms, his friend holding him tight with relief.
His first instinct was to shake himself from Hunk's grip, scouting the room with worried eyes.
"Keith?! Where-where is he-"
"Keith is fine buddy. He's just, uh, he's pretty shaken up so we told him to get some rest. You were in there for a couple of hours."
Lance nodded hesitantly, Hunk immediately picking up on his worry.
"He's safe. You pushed Red out of the laser's way in the hick of time but, uh." Hunk gulped, averting his eyes from his friend, "Um, Blue really took a beating back there. You're lucky that laser didn't go straight to her head or you'd-"
He choked on the last word but the sentiment was clear enough.
Lance had no time to focus onto what the worries of his beat friend entailed.
He shut his eyes, feeling to his bond with Blue, trying to listen to the usual buzzing and humming of his Lion seeping to the back of his head.
The silence was eery, like a part of him had all but gotten cut off of him.
He felt his breath hitching in his throat, his eyes opening and hands shaking.
“No-she’s-she’s fine she’ll-“
He tried again, doing his best to focus onto the feel of their bond despite his worry, his pulse quickening with every passing second that there was no comforting hum to be heard.
“She’s-“ he tried again, his knees weakening-Hunk was back to him in a flash, letting him fall back into his friend’s arms.
He didn’t notice much else after that. He heard Hunk’s small nods of encouragement, noticed Shiro walk in and then back out of the room, a broken expression on his face, but nothing could yield his mind away from the complete and total silence falling into his head.
He’d never felt as alone as he did right then.
*****
It took Keith a whole day before he found enough willpower to walk out of his room.
He took little notice of the strain of his muscles at each movement, the constant pain and bruises almost a given by now-they’d been fighting this war for over three years now, and there was no end in sight.
Sometimes he wondered if there ever will be.
It wasn’t the pain however, that kept him up that night, nor the cuts and bruises gracing his body that brought him to the verge of tears.
It was the guilt, slow and burning and pooling up to his chest, seeping to his blood and breaking him from the inside out.
It was Lance’s scream through their intercoms’ right after he took a hit hewas supposed to take, it was the sparks and fire coming off of the Blue Lion right after, her yellow eyes losing their glow and turning back to the cold metallic grey before she broke down, with no way of letting everyone else know if Lance was alright or not.
His heart stilled the moment he heard the first scream. His body moved on its own, ending the fight with much more ease than he’d care to admit-the Garla part of him sneered and grinned at the blood-thirsty frenzy he’d been in, destroying the ship nearly entirely on his own, seeking revenge and retribution for the pained shriek Lance-his Lance gave out.
He saw Shiro carry him to the cryopod soon after, his body black and blue and eyes shut, his armour luckily taking most of the hits.
He saw Blue when he walked past the hangar, barely recognising the scraps of metal to be her, only by the parts of coloured metal and still-distinct snout.
He did this.
Keith was the cause of this, cause of the battered Blue, of Lance’s pained expression frozen in time in the cryopod.
How could he look him in the eye after this?
How could he tell him he loved him when he was the one that nearly got him killed?
He grabbed his jacket and left his room, quietly heading towards the training room, not wanting to meet Shiro on the way-he couldn’t bear another lecture on self-preservance and doing what’s right, not now.
The moment he opened the door to the training room, he instantly regretted ever setting a foot out of his room.
Lance was there, sitting on the steps right in front of the door, his head resting on his knees and shoulders slumped.
He turned when he heard the door open, a small gasp of air escaping his throat when he took notice of the boy behind him.
“Keith..!”
He wanted to turn, run away, fling himself from the nearest exit and into the deep vastness of space, because he did not, under any circumstances, deserve this.
He didn’t deserve the sheer awe in which Lance said his name, the way his eyes gleamed and he instantly got up, coming dangerously close to Keith and bringing a hand to ghost over his cheek in a nearly comforting manner.
Keith didn’t deserve to be comforted.
He should be hated, Lance should be screaming, asking him why, why he let Blue get the hit, why he had to nearly lose his life over him, why he-
“You’re alright.” Lance whispered, seeming to barely believe it himself. “I’m-I’m so glad” he choked, the hand by his cheek reaching to the back of his head and tugging him close, settling him into Lance’s arms and onto the crook of his neck.
Keith freed himself immediately, nudging at Lance’s chest to break away.
“What do you mean I’m—Lance you nearly died.”
Lance cocked his head, waiting for Keith to carry on.
“You nearly died, Blue is almost completely destroyed, who knows how long it’ll take before she’s put back together, you were in a cryopod for nearly a day and you’re glad that I’m alright?!”
He noticed Lance coming back near him and he took a step back, his throat dangerously constricting.
“I’m just-I’m so sorry Lance. That hit should’ve been me not you, you shouldn’t have to go through all this, I just-“ his voice croaked, signalling how close to tears he was, “I’m sorry.” he whispered, wiping a few stray tears to the back of his sleeve.
“Oh no, no, Keith…”
He heard the Lance’s voice break just as much as his did but didn’t dare look up and away from his sleeve, worried about the expression he’d meet.
“Keith look at me.”
He shuffled more into his sleeve, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Keith. Please.”
Hesitantly he let Lance coax his head away from his arm, locking his blurry eyes to Lance’s blue, the colour he loved now hazed by tears.
“It’s not your fault.”
“But-“
“No. It’s not. When I saw that you were in danger my only thought was that I have to protect you. Blue felt it just as much as I did. We both agreed that risks be damned, we had to get you and Red out of harm’s way.”
He tapped a finger under Keith’s chin, smiling softly at the boy, a fondness in his gaze that Keith would never get used to seeing, not directed at him, not ever.
“Seeing Blue like that…it hurts, yeah. Not knowing if she’s still there or not or if I’ll even be a paladin anymore is scary, but I don’t regret doing what I did. You’re here, right now, safe because of it, and that’s what matters.”
He couldn’t hold the sobs back anymore, a shaky finger coming to meet his trembling lips, Lance’s forehead meeting his before Keith brought his arms around his waist and gripping to the fabric of his shirt.
“I love Blue. But I love you too. And I’d never let anything harm you. Ever. You’d have done the same thing in my shoes, wouldn’t you?”
He nodded, the movement resonating over their touching foreheads.
Lance smiled, soft and hesitant and only for Keith to see, the vulnerability in his expression that he didn’t allow for anyone else to take notice of.
“I love you.”
Lance shut his eyes and smiled wider, tugging Keith closer and resting his head atop Keith’s, nuzzling his face onto the mop of dark hair.
“I love you too.”
Neither boy realised when they’d sank back down and onto the training room’s floor, both of them contend to just sit there in one another’s embrace, feeling each others’ pulse and knowing in that moment, right then, they were both safe, alive.
They let each other cry, vent, let themselves become vulnerable and pliant, knowing they’d soon have to toughen their act back up once more and march ahead to another day and another fight.
But until then, they’d allow themselves to be just like this; just two boys that were glad to have found one another in an entire universe of possibilities.
*****
He didn't realise when the soft breaths on the crook of his neck turned into light snores.
They were both tired, he reckoned, grinning down at the sight of Keith’s sleepy form, his arms still wrapped around Lance’s back, grip tight even in his slumber.
Lance sighed, kissing the tip of his head.
He’s alright. He’s safe.
I protected him.
We protected him.
He felt a jolt at that last thought, a pulse of cobalt-tinted electricity jolting through him.
He let his mind drift back to his lion’s bond with a hesitant excitement.
It was faint. It was faint, quiet, almost barely there but he felt it, his heart riling with relief.
The soft quiet hum was back, coursing through him like icy needles tinging his skin.
We protected him. So long as you don’t regret it, then neither will I.
He shut his eyes and nestled back into Keith, feeling the breaths tickling his neck.
I don’t regret it. I never will.
Blue didn’t reply, but the soft purr she gave him was confirmation enough.
She was there. She would be alright.
They all would.
*****