Archive of Our Own

Lucas is leaning against the counter in Bruun’s basement, picking at what’s left of the food. It’s quiet and still in the kitchen area. Almost private, with the lights turned down low. He swallows a bite and glances up at Theo. “No thanks,” he tells him. “I already had a piece.” 

Theo reaches for a plate and begins to cut a generously sized slice of apple pie. “You had a piece of rhubarb pie. Did you have any of the apple?” He heaps the piece of pie onto the plate and holds it out to Lucas. “It’s excellent. You should try it.”

Lucas looks at it, hesitating. The crust is thick with caramelized sugar. The cinnamon-speckled apples inside look plump and juicy. But he probably shouldn’t—he’s already had a lot to eat.

“Come on,” Theo wheedles. He cracks a rye smile. “You haven’t put on enough winter weight.”

Lucas laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t need to put on any more weight.” He rubs a hand over the swell of his belly to illustrate his point, but he knows Theo won’t be dissuaded. Once Theo has the idea in his head he will persist until Lucas eats. 

Lucas takes the pie and carries it with him back to the party. Theo follows a step behind, barely hiding his look of smug satisfaction.

The men around the table are still in high spirits. Lucas slides into his chair with his plate of pie and Johan begins to laugh.

“Theo get to you again, Lucas?” he ribs. “I’d divorce my wife too if I had someone else to make sure I’m eating.”

Bruun makes a face. “Your wife is lovely, Johan. Are you saying you’d be just as happy with this guy?”

Theo swats away the finger Bruun points at him. 

“She’s lovely but she doesn’t encourage me to eat pie,” Johan says. He takes another swig from his bottle. “Did Kirsten keep you well-fed, Lucas?”

“Uh, not particularly.”

“Not like Theo, huh?”

“Lucas was hungry!” Theo puts his hands up defensively. “Should I let my best friend go hungry?”

Carsten lets out a laugh. “Of course he was hungry!” He leans over Bent to pat Lucas’ belly. “Look at the size of him.”

“Are you calling Lucas fat, Carsten?”

“Sure,” Carsten shrugs. “He’s nearly as big as I am.”

“That’ll change,” Johan mutters, with a glance at Theo. “At the rate he’s going.”

“What do you say to that, Lucas?” Carsten grins at him. “Are you going to claim the title?”

Lucas raises his glass in a vague affirmative, and the men laugh before the conversation turns elsewhere. He’s had too many beers to take offense at their teasing, if he would have cared at all. Many things are said around the table in Bruun’s basement and few of them are to be taken seriously. He eats his pie and returns the lopsided smile that Theo gives him from across the table.

An hour later Theo talks him into another portion of roasted venison. Then there’s the leftover potatoes and one last slice of almond cake. By the time the party breaks up Lucas finds himself full to the point of pain. He tells Theo as much, but the idea of Lucas’ stomachache only seems to please him. Something in his eyes, or in the set of his shoulders, strikes Lucas as odd in that moment. He suddenly recalls Johan’s earlier comments, the knowing way he laughed when he saw Lucas’ piece of pie.

But then Theo turns away as if Lucas never said anything at all. He heads for the basement stairs and clumsily begins to climb. Lucas follows him up, catching his elbow once when he stumbles and pushing him forward. 

The night air is refreshing after the stifling heat of the house. Lucas takes a deep breath, then notices Theo digging in his coat pockets for the keys to his truck. “You’re not driving home,” Lucas tells him. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive you.”

“You’re going to drive?” Theo slurs. “You’re just as drunk as I am.”

Lucas laughs. “I’m definitely not.” He might’ve been, if he hadn’t eaten so much more than he drank. “Just give me the keys.”

It takes some arguing but eventually Lucas convinces Theo to let him drive him home. Getting Theo into the truck proves to be another difficulty, especially with Lucas still feeling swollen and overfull. By the time they’re on their way Lucas is too tired to protest when Theo leans over and slings an arm around his neck.

“You’re my best friend, Lucas, do you know that?”

Lucas wrinkles his nose against the breath warming his cheek. “I know, Theo.”

Theo nods in a satisfied way, and then snakes his arms around Lucas’ waist in some semblance of a hug. 

Lucas squirms under the weight of the embrace. “Get off me,” he tells him. “You’re hurting my stomach.”

“Oh... Sorry.” Theo loosens his hold, giving Lucas’ belly a little pat before returning to his side of the cab.

A few snowflakes shake loose from the sky and fall against the windshield. When Lucas looks over at Theo he appears to have fallen asleep. It’s quiet for the rest of the drive.

Lucas turns off the headlights before he pulls into the driveway. He parks the truck, then goes around to pull Theo out of the cab. By the time Lucas gets him up to the porch, Agnes is waiting in the doorway.

“I hope we didn’t wake you,” Lucas says.

Agnes smiles at him and pulls her robe closer against the cold. “Oh, no, Lucas. I was waiting up.”

“Well, he’s more or less in one piece.”

“Lucas…” Theo’s arms have found their way around Lucas’ waist again. “Come inside and have some coffee.”

“No, Theo.”

“Right. Your stomach.” Theo’s fingers brush over the swell of Lucas’ gut. “It’s still that full?”

“It is, actually. Yes.” The fingers begin to bear down, prodding at his stomach. Lucas grimaces and pulls Theo’s hands away. “And it’s time for you to go to bed.”

“Lucas is right,” Agnes cuts in, before Theo can argue. “I’m not going to let you sleep all day tomorrow.” 

Theo protests halfheartedly but he’s already wrapping himself around Agnes instead, nosing at her neck as he slumps against her.

Lucas gives her the keys to the truck and says goodnight. The front door closes but the porch light stays on so Lucas can find his way down the driveway.

It’s a short walk home from Theo’s house. He tries to concentrate on the air filling his lungs, but his mind keeps returning to the events of the party. At the time, he hadn’t thought anything of the offered second helpings or the comments on his size. But now that he thinks about it again, he wonders if Johan is aware of something he missed. 

He goes to bed that night with an aching stomach and a niggling, half-formed suspicion growing in his mind.

Some of his hunting buddies are big, built strong and sturdy in ways that Lucas isn’t. Some are overweight like he is, and some are thin. There will be more parties at Bruun’s house now that the weather is turning cooler, and no reason for Lucas not to go now that he’s separated. It should give him the opportunity he needs to observe Theo around their friends.

He’s not exactly sure what he’s looking for, but he does discover that Theo’s gaze tends to stray to his friends’ midsections. Sometimes Theo barely looks before glancing away again, but sometimes his gaze settles and lingers. Sometimes he stares so appreciatively that Lucas wonders how he never saw it before.

Now that he’s seen it, certain things have begun to slot into place. 

Lucas watches to see if he can catch Theo pushing food on anyone. He waits for the suggestions that Johan or Carsten or Bruun have some more of this or try some of that. He listens for all the lines that usually work on him.

But this time there’s nothing. So far Theo only seems to be concerned with what Lucas is eating.

It occurs to Lucas to wonder what’s different about him, why Theo seems to have singled him out from the others. But it’s not an easy train of thought to pursue, and Lucas isn’t so sure he cares to know where it leads. 

At some point Lucas forgets about scrutinizing Theo’s behavior, though the habit of looking at him seems to stay. Lucas stops by in the mornings to talk while Theo is chopping wood in the yard. He comes again on his way home from work, if he knows Theo will be home. After a while Theo begins to anticipate his visits. Now there’s always a fresh pot of coffee ready when Lucas stops by, and more often than not something to eat.

It’s comfortable, and Lucas can use all the comfort he can get. The days are getting shorter. His arguments with Kirsten seem to be getting longer. It’s nice to feel closer to Theo. 

Whenever Lucas comes over for dinner, Theo takes it upon himself to heap extra helpings onto his plate. Theo never asks him first, and Lucas doesn’t object. If Agnes notices it, she doesn’t say anything. Lucas always cleans his plate. 

On most nights they finish dinner with dessert and a cup of coffee. Tonight Agnes serves slices of cake as Lucas and Theo stir cream into their cups.

Agnes makes a show of wrapping up the leftover cake and putting it away in the fridge, telling Theo sternly that she expects it to still be there in the morning. Theo nods and agrees, but he sends a look to Lucas from over the rim of his coffee cup.

Lucas looks back, hides his smile in a sip of coffee. He knows Theo will pull the cake back out of the fridge as soon as he’s certain they’re alone. Agnes will be furious, but Lucas is looking forward to polishing it off. He might as well enjoy it since Theo would only insist if he refused. 

He tells himself that the little thrill in his belly is merely from the prospect of misbehaving. He ignores the voice in his head that says he should probably cut back a little.

The children at the kindergarten are fascinated by Lucas’ belly. He had expected backlash when he finally told them he had gotten too fat to play chasing games. Instead he seems to have sparked their curiosity. They find it interesting to poke him in the stomach. They like to dogpile onto him until another teacher comes to drag them off. 

Lucas is grateful for his coworkers’ polite silence on the matter. They don’t ask, and so he doesn’t have to try to answer. He can avoid thinking too much about Theo, and all the food, and the fact that he’s steadily outgrowing his clothes.

After all, the divorce is enough to occupy his thoughts. Arguing and missed calls have made the negotiating process long and messy. But recently Lucas has decided that there’s no point in fighting anymore if Kirsten refuses to compromise. Marcus will be a legal adult soon, so it isn’t worth going to court over custody arrangements. He would rather the divorce be finalized and done with.

Besides, every time he and Kirsten meet, her eyes rake over him and she gives him an increasingly insufferable look of sympathy. He wants to tell her that he doesn’t want her pity, that he may have gained some weight but really he’s doing just fine. 

With their final meeting approaching, Lucas realizes that it’s actually the truth. It’s been difficult to adjust to all the changes, and he misses Marcus terribly, but he moved on from Kirsten a long time ago. The thing that gets to him the most is the emptiness of the house, with no one there but Fanny and himself. 

One night, after dinner at Theo’s house, Lucas is finishing his coffee when a fight erupts in the kitchen. It’s an argument he’s heard Theo and Agnes hash out before, so he leaves his cup on the side table and decides his hosts will forgive him for letting himself out. He’ll call Theo when he gets home to make sure everything is okay.

He’s putting his shoes on when he sees Klara peek out from her bedroom. Her face is pinched as she looks towards the kitchen and the raised voices. Lucas decides not to go home just yet. Instead he helps Klara into her coat and ushers her into the backyard to look at the stars.

They’re trying to catch the scatter of falling snowflakes when Agnes comes outside. She tells Klara that it’s time to say goodbye to Lucas. They’re going to go to her aunt’s house for a sleepover so she needs to pack an overnight bag. 

Lucas stays outside a while longer to give them time to leave. There’s some shouting from the front of the house before he sees their truck drive off down the street. A few minutes later Theo comes out to the backyard and lights a cigarette. There’s silence between them as he smokes. He doesn’t seem upset, but later on he asks Lucas to stay the night.

Lucas is asleep on the couch when he feels someone shaking him. He opens his eyes to a blurry image of Theo, illuminated by the moonlight.

“Midnight snack,” Theo whispers, holding up a lidded container.

“Midnight snacks are for when you can’t sleep,” Lucas tells him blearily. “I was sleeping.”

Theo shrugs. “I thought you’d want some more of the pork before Torsten gets to it.” He sinks into an armchair and begins to peel the lid from the container. “Besides, food and the company of good friends—two things that can be enjoyed any time.”

Lucas remembers the fight and the empty beds in a house that usually feels overcrowded. He pushes himself up and reaches for his glasses.

Klara is quiet at school on Monday. The other teachers don’t notice that anything is different—it’s not unusual for Klara to keep to herself—but Lucas notices. He keeps an extra eye on her as she spends the day cutting snowflakes from construction paper. She gives a few of her creations to Lucas and takes the rest home in her backpack.

Lucas tapes the snowflakes to a window in his living room, but it doesn’t do much to get him into the holiday spirit. Kirsten had called earlier to tell him that Marcus would be spending Christmas Eve with her. He had tried to arrange a time for Marcus to visit, but Kirsten had hung up on him before they could agree on a date.

The advent candle on the table at Theo’s house is a little shorter every time he goes over. This year it doesn’t seem to be counting down to anything much. 

He goes to church anyways, slotting into a pew with Theo and his family. Their smiles are bright but the few inches of space between Theo and Agnes seems like a chasm to Lucas.

The New Year comes and goes. He and Theo still have dinner, but lately Theo has been coming over to eat at Lucas’ house.

“What, are you tired of lasagna?” Lucas had joked.

Theo’s breath had hitched in a sound dangerously close to a sob.

Theo brings dinner over one night in the form of two loaded takeout bags. “I thought we deserved to enjoy ourselves a little,” he says by way of explanation. “Forget about our shit for a night.” 

When it’s all laid out on the table it seems like an impossible amount of food for two people. “Aren’t I fat enough already?” Lucas protests.

Theo reaches out, puts his palms to Lucas’ gut as if assessing the size of it. “No,” he says gravely, then cracks a smile. “Let’s eat.”

The two of them spend hours at the table, eating and laughing and drinking. It’s sometime in the early morning when they finally begin to wind down, nursing the last of their beers.

Lucas lets out a hiccup, then gingerly pats the arc of his belly. “This is all going to go straight to my gut, you know,” he says.

“I hope it does,” Theo tells him.

The smile slides off Lucas’ face as he looks over at Theo.

Seconds later, when Theo all but climbs onto his lap to kiss him, Lucas opens his mouth and kisses back.

They wake up the next day and make a big to-do about finding aspirin for their headaches. Theo shields his eyes against the light as he digs through Lucas’ medicine cabinet. Finally Lucas suggests going out for a greasy breakfast instead. Theo looks at him and looks away. 

He leaves soon afterwards, without the aspirin. 

Lucas goes to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. The sound of the coffeemaker is loud in the stillness of the house. He finds himself finally beginning to contemplate the amount of weight he’s put on. 

At work, Lucas continues to field questions from four-year-olds about how his belly got so big. Nadja tells him that men usually gain weight when they’re in a relationship, not when they’re single. Her smile is crooked but her eyes are kind when she says it. Lucas means to joke back, but nothing comes.

A few days pass. He sees Klara every day at work. Most days he sees Agnes when she comes to pick her up. He doesn’t see Theo. 

He talks to Marcus on the phone. He plays with Fanny. He spends a lot of time alone in the forest.

When Theo shows up again, Lucas is surprised to realize that only a week has gone by.

“I didn’t bring anything to eat,” Theo says.

“That’s okay.” Lucas steps back to let him inside. “I mean, I don’t expect—” He closes his mouth, and closes the door, and goes to the fridge for two beers.

He can’t tell if Theo is staring at his gut or trying to avoid his eyes.

“Should we talk about what happened?” Theo asks.

Lucas shakes his head. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to.” Theo makes no move to do anything else. He doesn’t sit down at the table or make any indication that he wants one of the beers Lucas is holding.

Lucas breaks the silence. “That morning, why did you leave? Was it because of Agnes? Or because of me?” He spreads his arms in a way that encompasses everything about himself, so that Theo can take his pick. His size, his maleness, his current lack of direction in life.

“I don’t want to talk.” Theo takes both of the beers and sets them aside on the table. 

His hands are warm and rough when Lucas feels them slip beneath his shirt. It’s so sudden that he flinches, causing Theo to jerk his hands away. “No,” Lucas tells him. He takes Theo’s wrists and puts them back on his waist.

Theo undoes the buttons on Lucas’ shirt, then pushes it off his shoulders. He stares at Lucas’ gut, full and round and bulging over his waistband. “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten,” he says. “Why did you let me make you so fat?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk.” 

Theo doesn’t say any more. His eyes are roving over Lucas’ body, taking in the softened chest, flabby arms, thick love handles.

Lucas stands still, waiting for Theo to reach out and touch him. After a moment he frowns. “Am I too big?”

“God, no,” Theo says. His brow is knitted into what could be a scowl or a wince. 

“Then…”

“It was easier when we were drunk.”

Lucas steps forward and presses a tentative kiss to the corner of Theo’s mouth. He doesn’t know how many times they’ve kissed before, mouths mashed together in a drunken and jovial show of affection. Or how long they spent kissing that night a week ago. Enough for the chapped lips and coarse facial hair to feel familiar. Enough for him to be painfully aware of the uncharted territory they’re venturing into.

Just as he’s beginning to lose his nerve he feels Theo’s hands settle on his hips. Then a brush of lips against his neck.

Then Theo takes a pinch of his belly. 

Lucas thinks about the pies and cakes, the multiple helpings at dinner. All the food Theo had coaxed him into eating until he was so big that he nearly waddled. He’s gained so much weight for Theo without letting himself think about why. 

Meanwhile, Theo’s fingers are tracing the curve of Lucas’ stomach, from the round upper belly down to the soft fat below his navel. Theo makes a false start, just once, before spreading his palms over Lucas’ bulk. He cups the overhanging portion of his belly and then hefts it up, as if gauging its weight.

Lucas resists the impulse to suck his stomach in as Theo’s hands force it to hill up between them. He looks at Theo instead, sees the mixture of arousal and wonder on his face. Lucas hesitates a moment, then puts his own hands on his stomach. He lets his fingers dig into the soft flesh and shakes his belly. 

Theo’s eyes widen as he stares. Then suddenly his hand is reaching up to take hold of Lucas’ chin and his tongue is pushing into his mouth.

Muddled memories from the week before come back to Lucas in a rush. He remembers how he had whined into Theo’s mouth, how he had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. He feels a flicker of that same desperation now as he lets himself be driven backwards against the wall. But he realizes, as Theo’s body bears down on his, that he’s wanted something more from Theo for a long time now.

Theo’s hand settles over his groin, suddenly palming him through his jeans. Lucas jerks a little in surprise, but Theo doesn’t draw his hand away. Instead he cups the growing bulge in Lucas’ pants and squeezes. 

Lucas lets out such a desperate moan that the sound of it makes his cheeks burn.

Theo just grins and squeezes again, this time kneading a little with the heel of his hand. The sensation causes Lucas’ hips to cant up and Theo answers by grinding back down.

The next thing Lucas knows they’re rutting against each other. Slowly, at first, to find a way to fit themselves together, and then faster as they settle into a steady pace. But already Theo is losing the rhythm between them. His thrusts become more insistent, more frantic, until finally he comes with a gasp and slows to a stop. He breathes out a low sigh as his body slackens against Lucas.

Lucas goes rigid, holding himself still despite his erection—struck with a sudden embarrassment about having to finish himself.

Theo looks at him a moment and chuckles. “Don’t be shy now.” He thumbs open the button on Lucas’ jeans and draws down the zipper. 

Lucas whimpers when Theo’s hand closes around him through his underwear. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Theo says fondly.

The fabric is too rough against his skin and the angle is awkward but Lucas thinks he’s never felt anything better than the grip of Theo’s big hand. His eyes close and his mouth falls open as Theo begins to jerk him off. “Theo,” he gasps.

Theo twists his wrist, earning a groan. “Come on,” he coaxes. 

Lucas opens his eyes, intending to see his friend’s hand working in his pants, but when he looks down all he sees is his own gut. The jerking motion of Theo’s wrist is causing his belly to wobble and bounce from the friction against it. Lucas glances up at Theo, wondering if he minds having to work beneath the weight of his belly. 

Theo is watching him, a smirk on his face. “See how fat you are?” he says in a low rumble. “I love that I did this to you.” He squeezes at Lucas’ softened chest with his other hand, tweaking a nipple with rough fingertips. “Every pound looks so good on you.”

Lucas gasps at the unexpected shock of pleasure that runs through him.

“Come for me, Lucas,” Theo tells him.

Lucas does, crying out as Theo pumps his cock. He slumps forward, causing Theo to stagger back a few steps before steering him towards the sofa. Lucas hits the cushions first and then Theo drops down beside him.

For a few minutes the only sound in the room is Lucas’ panting. Then there’s just the silence of the house as the men sit together in the half-light. 

“I think I wanted that for a long time,” Theo says slowly, “but I didn’t know it until the night I kissed you.”

“Me too,” Lucas admits. “I guess that’s why I let you make me fat.”

Theo nods in a solemn way and says nothing more. 

The air begins to prickle Lucas’ bare skin. His pants are sticking to him uncomfortably. He’s about to offer Theo a change of clothes when he feels fingers prodding along the side of his belly. He looks over at Theo, but his expression is unreadable as he watches his fingers push into Lucas’ flesh.

“How many pounds have you gained?” Theo asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Too bad. I’d like to know.”

“There’s a scale in the bathroom.”

Theo looks at him, searchingly. 

Lucas swallows. The lights in the bathroom are harsh. They have a way of exposing things, making them into something that must be confronted and acknowledged. “Maybe another time?”

Theo nods and then pushes himself up from the sofa. Once he’s standing he doesn’t seem to know what to do next.

Lucas watches him. “Do you want to borrow some clean pants?” he asks.

Theo shakes his head, smiling faintly. “That’s alright. Your pants wouldn’t fit me anyways.”

“I guess not.”

“Well.” A few seconds tick past. Then Theo turns and walks away.

Lucas follows after him, picking up his shirt and pulling it on as he goes. He stops when he gets to the kitchen, where Theo is hesitating by the back door. Lucas doesn’t say anything, but he holds his gaze when Theo looks at him.

“Another time?” Theo asks quietly.

“Yeah.”

This time Theo ventures the tentative kiss, just barely catching Lucas’ lips before pulling back again. 

Lucas wonders if Theo feels the same sense of familiarity when they touch. Or perhaps the inevitability of whatever is growing between them. “We never had those beers,” he reminds him.

“We will,” Theo says, before he’s gone.