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Peter was believed to be the most beautiful man on Earth, possibly even the most beautiful man in the universe. This was his burden, though, because no one dared think they were worthy of him, and so he was very alone.
His friends, Johnny Storm and Mary Jane were lovely themselves, although they possessed nothing near Peter’s beauty, and had committed relationships that Peter envied. Still, he did not hold any hard feelings toward those friends he loved, and they looked over him the best they could. They comforted him when the emotional isolation was crushing but friendship can only do so much.
Despite knowing the loneliness that Peter felt, Loki was jealous of him. He thought of himself as the most beautiful man not only in the 616, but in the whole multiverse. How could everyone speak so highly of this lesser creature while he was around?!
Loki set his mind to ridding the world of Peter’s boyish good looks so he hired a mercenary named Domino to kidnap him and tie him to train tracks, classic evil villain style. Domino was to make sure the train had finished the job, but she couldn’t stay because Cable had space worms in his brain and they had to travel to 1964 immediately for some reason, so Loki sent his son, Wade, to see the murder through.
Peter laid on the tracks, immobile, crying and cursing Loki, and then cursed himself for being born so beautiful. He cried long after Domino had left and then into an exhausted sleep, which is when Wade found him and the moment his eyes fell on Peter he knew he was in love.
How could Wade kill such a magnificent creature? How could he kill the man he knew now he was in love with?
Wade took Peter to his home, ordered Bob (his manservant) to look after him, and never to tell him this was Wade’s home, or that Wade had saved his life, or that it was Wade who joined him each night in bed. And so it was, each night in the pitch black, Wade would join his love in bed, refusing to revile himself, even as they made love.
Peter was overwhelmed with gratitude for his rescue and the royal treatment showered upon him by his shadowy savior, but died to see his lovers face. It didn’t matter to him who he was, because he had fallen in love with the being who held him each night, who was the only person he had ever known intimately, but he wanted to know the face in which kissed him with such passion and yet reverence. He wanted to commit it to memory that figure’s details so he could imagine him with him even during the day. But Wade refused.
After not too long, Peter asked his lover if he could see his friends, for he didn’t know where he was and couldn’t go to meet them. Wade agreed but reminded him, he couldn’t see his face, so not to let Peter’s friends convince him of trickery. Peter promised him he wouldn’t betray his love, and Wade had Peter’s friends brought to their home the next day.
Johnny Storm and Mary Jane eagerly came and were astonished by the wealth in which Peter was now living, and upon hearing of his lover were beside themselves with curiosity, concern, and perhaps jealousy? Peter told them of his experience but cut himself short as he was about to admit he was suspicious that his lover wanted to remain hidden because of scars Peter had felt on his body. It didn’t matter then, when they were together, but for some reason now Peter felt embarrassed to tell his beautiful friends that the man he had fallen for might be too hideous to see in the light.
“What if he is some rogue Doombot? Some sentient sex doll version?” Johnny asked.
“I don’t care, I love him. Besides, I have felt every inch of his body and there are no mechanical parts.”
Mary Jane snorted. “You think that’s all that he should worry about?” she gave Johnny a side eye. “You said this guy saved your life and is keeping you in this mansion, and you haven’t ever SEEN him? That shit’s crazy balls. This has Lifetime movie written all over it.”
Peter swallowed hard. Could she be right? He had never questioned his lover…he couldn’t fathom this wonderful man was any sort of bad seed! Had love blinded him? Perhaps the scars weren’t the only thing that was being hidden?
“Let’s google the most wanted list, and you can find some way to see this guys face tonight. If he doesn’t look like any of the criminals, alright, but if so…” Mary Jane’s voice trailed off.
“There are no lights in the bedroom, even the windows are shuttered so no moon light can come in…How can I find a way to see his face?” Peter asked.
Johnny reached into his messenger bag and pulled a flash light out, “use this.”
“Why do you carry a flashlight?” Mary Jane asked.
“I can’t always get my flame up…”
That night Peter waited in his bed for his lover, the photos of all the criminals running through his mind… He didn’t believe his lover’s face could match any of those, but his beloved friends had put too much logic into their argument…
Soon he felt the familiar body slip into bed next to his, and Peter let the worries that had been plaguing him slip away as they made love. When Peter felt his love fall into a deep sleep he carefully got into the night stand and held Johnny’s flashlight above the other man’s head.
And he turned it on.
No, this wasn’t one of those criminals. This was the man he was in love with. Skin gnarled from scars Peter had felt night after night but was too scared to ask about and was too selfishly embarrassed to mention to his friends. But he wasn’t a monster; he was beautiful with those long eyelashes that had fluttered over Peter’s sweat soaked skin, those plump lips that brought so much pleasure, and that trickling drool that was somehow simultaneously gross and very adorable. Peter was so taken by the sight of his lover that the flashlight slipped from his grasp and fell into the sleeping figure’s temple, waking him immediately.
“Y–You promised!” Wade cried, after the painful cry subsided. “I trusted you!”
Before Peter could plead for forgiveness or convince him to over look this, his lover had taken off. Peter tried to chase after but was tangled in blankets; bound to the bed, alone once again.
But Peter wasn’t going to give up on the only love he had ever known, he would find him, and it wouldn’t be hard…He knew who his mystery lover was. He was Deadpool.
Loki’s son.
Wade ran from Peter, knowing that now that he had been seen, their relationship was over. He wasn’t worthy of someone such as Peter, and Loki would never allow Peter to live. With no other alternative he returned to Loki and tried to cover his tracks…
He told Loki Peter had died by the train and the reason for his absence was a two-for-one deal at Tacos Tacos Tacos. There was no evidence of Peter’s death, he said. The train was powerful, he said. It must’ve been created by S.H.I.E.L.D or A.I.M or some other abbreviation, he said.
Loki trusted and was thankful to his son. That was, Until Peter had come requesting a visitation with him.
Loki met with Peter, who fell to his knees in tears immediately. “Please, I know you don’t like me, but please show me some mercy. I’ve never done anything to you, and I’ve fallen in love with Wade. I can’t live without him and I hate being murdered; please let us be together, I beg you.”
Loki was in no way willing to let this pathetic creature have his son, but he also wasn’t going to kill someone with his own hands, that was so pedestrian…so he offered a challenge, if Peter could pass a test he could have Wade. Peter agreed without hearing the conditions.
“You must bring me Thor’s hammer,” Loki said smugly, knowing that this task was impossible.
Defiant, Peter said it would be done but the moment he started the quest his heart grew heavy; Loki himself had attempted to take Thor’s hammer and many times and was never able, what chance did Peter have? It was well known that only the most worthy could wield the hammer and Peter in no way qualified, he literally made deals with devils, Loki being just one of them.
Before Peter could send any deeper into misery, Thor appeared from the nearest Starbucks.
“Man of spiders,” Thor greeted heartily, “moping as usual, I see. May I assist you?”
Peter couldn’t help but laugh bitterly, “not unless I can have your hammer.”
“Then have it you shall!” Thor tossed his beloved hammer and Peter, almost knocked down by shock alone, somehow caught it. “I have no need of it anymore; I’ve been sold to a Japanese company and they are retconning my entire persona. From now on I gain my power from pretty brunettes that shall adorn my head which will turn me into the most magical girls. Truth be told,” Thor said conspiratorially, “I much prefer the barrettes. Do with the hammer what you wish, it’s useless now… Although it still summons lightning.”
Suddenly it did just that and Peter lost consciousness.
When he opened his eyes Wade was upon him. Literally all up on him.
“Wade!” Peter cried, sinking his head into Wade’s neck. “I’ m so sorry I didn’t keep my promise, I would have never done it if I knew it would take you from me! I want to make it right, I’ve been trying to!”
“My sweetie Petey! Let’s get married on Genosha.”
“What about Loki?” Peter belatedly remembered as he noticed Wade had holstered the prize hammer Peter had lucked into.
Wade made a farting sound from his mouth (at least, Peter hoped it was from his mouth.) “I don’t even think he’s my real father and for some reason he’s a kid now. And I totally saw him fuck a horse once.”