Work Text:
It's Okay To Be A Kid
It was early, but Castle could already hear the sounds of the television in his office. Apparently, to no one’s surprise, the city was already reduced to a crawling snarl as the morning rush hour ramped up. The writer yawned as he wandered absently into the master bathroom. After relieving himself and brushing his teeth, he reemerged from the bathroom much more awake. He could still hear the morning news as he crossed the floor to the wide door between his bedroom and office.
His nine year old adopted son was curled up in one of the leather chairs that usually faced Castle’s desk. The boy was still dressed in his Superman pajamas and eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. “Good morning, sunshine,” the writer greeted. He rubbed his hand over the dark curls as he passed. He kept his opinion about the boy’s choice of morning entertainment to himself… for now.
Javier’s annoyed complaints followed him as he passed through the office and glanced around the open living space of the loft. Besides Kate, who was out of town overnight for a campaign event, it seemed that he and Javier were the first ones awake. Even Johanna and Madison were still sleeping.
They’d recently moved the boys upstairs, into Alexis’ vacated room, so the small downstairs bedroom could be converted into a nursery. Castle laboriously climbed the glass stairs, hamming up his dislike of the long climb despite his lack of audience. He finally reached the upper level and pushed open the door to the room Kevin and Javier shared. As he suspected, the bed closest to the door was still occupied by its half-pint owner. Castle leaned down to get a closer look at his seven-year-old. If the laxness of the upcoming birthday boy’s face was any indication, he had at least thirty to forty-five minutes until the cursed ex-detective woke up. That should give him plenty of time.
Castle left the door to the hall open a few inches after he stepped out of the room. He headed straight back to his office. Without warning, he scooped up Javier, soggy chocolate cereal and all.
“Rick!” Javier barely managed to keep the milk from sloshing over the edges of the bowl as Castle stole the chair. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Ah, there it is,” Castle said with fake blissfulness. “It’s been weeks since the last time you swore at me with such derision.” He leaned back in the chair and kicked his feet up on the edge of his desk. Javier squirmed as he tried to regain some semblance of balance in his new position sitting sideways in the writer’s lap.
“Yeah, well getting scolded all the time gets old,” said the boy shortly. Castle took the bowl when he noticed Javier looking unsure of what to do with it. He set it on the side table in exchange for the remote controller. He switched the channel to a kids’ channel which was showing cartoons that had been popular back when Castle was a child. They were shows that Javier had probably watched during his first childhood as well, though they would have been reruns instead of new each weekend.
“You’re always so nice to me when July swings around,” Castle commented. He wrapped his arms loosely around the boy. “It’s like you don’t want me to reconsider keeping you.” He put as much lightness into his tone as he could, though the jibe couldn’t hide the fact that Castle suspected Javier did actually worry each year that his surrogate dad would decide that enough was enough and send the cursed pair packing.
“The jokes on you,” said Javier. He draped his arms over Castle’s shoulders and wove his fingers together behind the writer’s head. “Because Kate would do the unspeakable to you if she came home to find me ’n’ Kevin gone. It’s too frightening to contemplate for too long.” His dark eyes were wide as he stared at Castle.
Castle shuddered theatrically and twisted his expression into one of terror. When the corner of Javier’s mouth twitched up, Castle started laughing himself. He leaned forward and planted a wet kiss on Javier’s caramel-colored cheek. “Eww!” Javier tried to rub the offensive moisture off by rubbing his cloth-clad shoulder against his cheek. “Why did you put on cartoons? I was actually watching the morning show before you came in here to torment me.”
“I want to talk to you,” said Castle. He tightened his hug, pulling Javier down so he could speak directly into the boy’s ear. “How many nine-year-olds do you think chose the news over Underdog?”
“I’m thirty-nine,” said Javier with emphasis. “And I like the news. It’s important to know what’s going on in the world.”
“Look at the TV,” Castle said. He nudged Javier until the Hispanic boy huffed and turned to watch the cartoon. Castle watched his son. The author smirked when Javier emitted an involuntary snort of amusement. “That’s what I thought,” Castle said smugly.
“It doesn’t prove anything,” Javier said. He turned back to look at Castle. “You obviously think it’s funny, and you’re over the hill.”
“I am not over the hill, you little brat,” Castle exclaimed. He dug his fingers into Javier’s side, transforming his snickers into giggles. “And it does prove that inside of you is little Javi Ochoa, who’s desperately trying to get out and play, but mean ol’ Esposito won’t let him.”
“You’re full of it,” Javier stated.
“Do you know why we’re all celebrating at Dave & Buster’s next week?”
“Because Kevin finds something he likes and never wants to try anything new?”
Castle dropped his voice to speak seriously. “Because Kevin thinks it’s the only place where he can be himself without his best friend judging him for indulging his not-so-inner child.”
“I don’t--”
“I want you to be nicer to him while he struggles with balancing his seven year old emotions and desires with his thirty-seven year old ones. I want you to stop taking your frustrations with your own struggles out on him.” Castle looked directly into his boy’s face.
“You don’t get it,” Javier said. “We can’t let go, or Esposito and Ryan will be gone forever.”
“I don’t think that will be the case, buddy.”
“But it will!” Javier clutched Castle’s shirt. “Every day it’s harder to remember what it was like being a detective. It’s harder to remember what it was like being an adult. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to be Javier Ochoa. I want to be Javier Esposito.”
Castle had no idea what to say. Anything he did utter would probably just make it worse, but for Kevin’s sake, he had to try. “It’s been three years, Javi. Nothing is going to change the fact that you can’t go back to your life before the curse. It’s not supposed to be easy, but you don’t have to make it harder than necessary. Just let it happen, buddy.”
“I don’t want to forget,” Javier whispered.
“I’ll help you remember,” Castle said. He pulled Javier’s head down to his shoulder and threaded his fingers through the baby soft curls. “If you promise to not try to hold on so hard. And don’t make your little brother feel like he has to tiptoe around his own feelings.”
Javier didn’t say anything. He rested against Castle’s broad chest and idly tugged at the lapel of the older man’s housecoat. Even if Javier didn’t change his ways in the end, at least he seemed to be considering what Castle asked of him. The writer would, however, make sure that Javier stayed off of Kevin’s case.
The first sounds of his daughters waking up trickled from the baby monitor through the door to the master bedroom. Castle regretfully lifted Javier off his lap and set him on his feet. “Go put your bowl in the dishwasher. I’ll make some eggs and toast in a little bit, okay?”
“Okay,” Javier said demurely. Castle leaned down to kiss the top of his head, then nudged the nine-year-old toward the door.
xXx
That afternoon, Javier returned from taking Cosmo on a quick walk around the block. He didn’t immediately see Kevin in the main part of the loft, so he headed upstairs to see if the smaller boy was taking refuge from the girls in their bedroom. He pushed open the door and slipped inside.
Kevin immediately sat up, scattering a few of the tiny green soldiers he’d been meticulously lining up across their carpeted floor. His round cheeks pinked as he reached for the mesh bag where the toys usually lived.
“You don’t have to put them away,” said Javier. Kevin froze halfway through dropping a handful of the soldiers into the bag and looked up at the older boy in confusion. Javier sighed and flopped down on the rug across from his ex-partner. “Cas-- I mean, I heard that it might be my fault that we have to go to D&B’s again for your birthday.”
Kevin’s face scrunched up in the adorable way it did when the Irish boy couldn’t decide if he should be angry or relieved that their surrogate father had spilled his secret. “I want to go there,” Kevin said evenly. His brilliant blue eyes tracked Javier’s expression diligently.
“Yeah, well, it is fun,” Javier said. “I like the laser tag.”
“Me too.”
Javier chewed on his lower lip and focused on his socks, unable to work up the courage and humility to apologize while looking at his best friend. “I think it’s a good place to go, if it’s what you really want.”
“It is,” Kevin said.
“I’m sorry for making you feel bad for wanting to do childish things.” That didn’t sound very nice, actually. “I mean, uh, act like a kid. Like our physical bodies.” It would be a miracle if Kevin understood Javier’s rushed, stumbling words.
“Um, thanks.”
“I just… it scares me to let go,” Javier said. If anyone would understand him, it was Kevin. And then maybe he could explain it to Javier. It was so confusing and pointless. “We were so good as Ryan and Esposito,” the Hispanic boy said. “You know, the cool kids at the 12th, solving the craziest homicides and keeping Caskett on their toes. Even though you drove me crazy with your fan boy obsessions, your addiction to the lottery, your insatiable desire to talk about feelings…” Javier shuddered dramatically. “…and you trying to be Castle Jr. all the time, we clicked, bro. Forget what everyone else thinks. We were the dynamic duo, not Beckett and Writer-Monkey.”
“I’m not the only one with fan boy tendencies,” Kevin grumbled. “But you’re right, we were awesome. We are awesome, Javi.”
“We’re stupid little kids.” Javier finally looked up at Kevin. “If we don’t hold on, what if 'Ryan and Esposito' disappears?”
“A wise man once told me that I am both Kevin Ryan and Kevin Raley, and it’s okay to act like Raley, because Ryan isn’t going anywhere.”
“Let me guess: Castle?”
“Maybe,” Kevin hedged. “All that matters is that if I have to be cursed to relive my childhood and be adopted by Kate Beckett, of all people, I wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone but you. That won’t ever change.”
“Me too.” Javier picked up one of the toy soldiers and inspected it critically. “I promise to try to leave you alone about wanting to play and stuff. At least one of us should enjoy what he can out of this curse.”
“Indulging a little isn’t going to erase all your memories of being an adult,” said Kevin. He started putting back the soldiers he’d swept up when Javier first entered the room. “And make-believe is fun. Remember all those times you pretended you were a sexy, bad-ass detective?”
“That was not pretend,” Javier argued, supremely insulted. “And you’re doing it all wrong.” Javier brushed aside the front row of soldiers. “Yeesh, you’d be dead in a minute if you were an actual captain.” Javier picked up the military men better suited for the front lines and stood them in their line. “Clearly you need your heavy artillery up front if you’re defending your line against T-Rex.”
“Who says we’re warding off T-Rex? Maybe it’s alien invaders from Planet Kryptomagma One.”
“Dinosaurs are cooler than aliens,” Javier said matter-of-factly. He shot to his feet and hurried to the closet where he dug out a plastic tote filled with smart-ass gifts they’d received over the past three years from old friends who thought it was hilarious to treat the cursed detectives like little kids. At least a few of the age-appropriate toys were from Castle and Kate’s peers who didn’t know any better. “Aha!” He dug the plastic bag of rubber dinosaurs from the bottom of the bin.
“What if they’re alien dinosaurs?” Kevin suggested when Javier returned with his find.
“Yeah, okay,” Javier agreed. He dumped the toys in front of Kevin’s scattered army. “Now, these dinosaurs have special bullet-proof scales, so we can’t go at them with normal machine guns.”
“That means we’ll have to bring out the lasers!” Kevin said lasers with an enthusiastic gusto. “Colonel Espo, how quickly can you convert our standard issue military rifles into gamma-beta-alpha death rays?”
“Don’t make me laugh, private,” Javier said, followed by a round of guffaws in the deepest voice his immature vocal chords could muster. “I can make gamma-beta-alpha death rays in my sleep. What you need are quasi-inferno-delta-mach rays.”
“Well, how fast can you convert to those?”
“Gimme two days, private, and you’ll be blowing these alien dinosaurs all the way back to Planet Kryptomagma One!” Javier rolled onto his stomach so he could use both hands to position Earth’s last defenders against the alien onslaught. Kevin helped him, trying out various sound effects for the newly commissioned quasi-inferno-delta-mach rays. Those inanimate plastic dinosaurs had no idea what was coming.
xXx
An hour later, Castle followed the sounds of explosions and laser beams down the upstairs hall to his sons’ room. Dinner was about to burn, but the writer couldn’t help himself from standing silently outside the door, watching the pair save the world. With heavy regret, he had to interrupt the invasion so as to feed his stalwart soldiers.
The End