Chapter Text
Dean should have known that it was a bad idea right from the start. He should have known that it would be like this. It had all started when Sam had introduced Cas to the miracle that is the World Wide Web. It had begun innocently enough - with online research and cute little cat videos on YouTube. How did it end up like this?
He was walking down the hall on his way down to the kitchen, passing Cas’s room, which was conveniently located right next to his own, when he heard it for the first time. He didn’t give it much thought, though, and was almost at the top of the staircase when he heard it again. He stopped dead in his tracks and was on his way back before he even realized he was moving. The door to Cas’s room was ajar, and, when he looked inside, he could make out Cas’s form under a huge pile of blankets.
Because of the lack of windows in most of the bunker, the room was almost completely dark. The only source of light was the laptop in front of Cas, which helped him see that the human shaped blanket monster was shaking violently. Now he knew where the sound had come from. Cas was laughing. No. Not only laughing, he was downright giggling like a fourteen year-old school girl and rocking back and forth with a huge smile on his face.
Alright then. Nothing out of the ordinary for Cas. After all, the laptop had become sort of an extra limb over the past few weeks. He knew who he had to thank for that, and had every intention to do so appropriately.
He sighed and made his way to the kitchen, where he found Sam with his back turned to(wards?) him, preparing his rabbit food breakfast. Seriously who eats vegetables and all kinds of weird shit this early in the morning? Willingly?!
He snuck up on his little brother and smacked him playfully upside the back of his head.
“Ouch! What the..!” He took a fighting stance but stopped and relaxed instantly when he saw who had hit him.
“What the hell was that for? Good morning to you too, asshole,” he said rubbing his head and turning back around to his food on the stove.
Dean didn’t respond at first and took one of the cups, pouring himself the rest of the coffee instead. Sasquatch could make himself a new pot if he wanted more. He was a big boy and Dean had needs after all.
“That’s for turning Cas into a teenage girl. I should have known that too much of your influence would make him grow a vagina one day. Are you having fun at your slumber parties, gossiping about the boys you like and braiding each other’s hair?”
Sam only huffed loudly in response and rummaged around the kitchen for a clean plate and cutlery to use. He sat down in the empty chair next to Dean and raised his eyebrows so high that Dean was worried they’d become one with his hairline.
“Very funny, Dean. Very funny! What happened?”
And as bitch face No. 63 was thrown his way, he knew he had some explaining to do before his sister could get out the big guns and start to talk about his ‘douchebag behavior’,which was oooobviously just a strategy to hide his real girly feelings and shit.
“Cas is hiding in his room again. With his laptop. You know, the one that YOU got him… And we both know what this means. The last time this happened, he was in there for three days. Three days, man! We practically had to force-feed him! I ain’t doing this shit anymore. He’s a grown man, and grown-ups don’t lock themselves in their rooms to watch kittens on YouTube or some weird ass online tutorial on how to decorate your home perfectly for Christmas! If he was watching porn at least, I could get behind it. Seriously, there’s some awesome stuff out there that.. huh.. but uhh anyways… This needs to stop and I mean RIGHT NOW.”
Dean glanced at his brother and waited for a reaction, anything to indicate that his brother understood the importance of the problem on hand but all he got in return was a huge grin.
He watched Sam stuff his super healthy dumbass food in his ridiculously gigantic mouth and wondered if he was to blame if he hit him again. HARD.
When the plate was empty, Sam finally looked at him - the annoying grin still in place.
“Awwww. It’s so cute.”
“What?”
Seriously, what? This really wasn't the reaction he had anticipated. Cute? What was cute about any of this? It seemed that his confusion was clearly visible on his face because Sam continued:
“It’s cute that you’re jealous of a laptop. Is Cas not spending as much time with you as he used to? Is that it? The big reason why you’re so moody all the time?”
Oh that lil motherfucker. Dean and jealous? Of a laptop? Huh, no way in hell. Dean was NOT jealous. Of course not. Why would he be? Cas is his own fucking person, and it’s his own decision to divide how much time he spends with his friends and how much time he spends with that stupid piece of trash.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Samantha,” was all he said before returning to his room.
“THIS ISN’T OVER YET AND YOU KNOW IT,” echoed through the bunker.