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Steve walked up to the door of Sam’s apartment and hoped beyond anything that Sam was waiting for him inside. Maybe he would be reading on the couch, or cooking and playing soft music that crooned throughout the house and singing quiet under his breath. Steve mostly hoped that Sam would be glad to see him there, that he wouldn't send him off to stay at Avenger’s tower. He wasn't even completely sure Stark still wanted him there at all and that he hadn't been overstaying his welcome after everything that had just happened. All the Avengers seemed to be trying to take their time off. Steve had unfortunately been neglecting his the past three days for reasons he wasn't quite sure of.
He knocked. He wasn't sure why he knocked. He had his own key and everything, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen Sam recently. But that had been work.
Sam opened the door and stared at him with a look that Steve couldn't quite place. He looked as tired as Steve felt.
“Steve. Hey. Why didn't you just come in?” He said, reaching to pull Steve toward him and into the house. Steve went willingly.
“I don't know.” He said, and he didn't stop moving toward Sam as he said it. “I missed you”. He took Sam’s shoulders in his hands and moved his face to rest at Sam’s neck, breathing him in.
“Steve, man, I saw you two days ago. You said you were going to come home, but you didn't. I tried texting you. I thought, I don't know… I didn't think they needed you for anything still” Sam pulled him close but he was shaking his head like he always did when Steve did something that didn't make sense. “I need to close the door babe.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.” Steve said, blushing. He was sure no one would be watching Sam’s house, but he was still wary of being seen here sometimes. If someone found out that they could use Sam to get to him, if Sam was put in danger because of him, he could lose the best thing to happen to him since being unfrozen, and never forgive himself for it. Again. Also, there was a pretty heavy wind outside.
When Sam came back, he kept going, walking toward the kitchen. All Steve could do was follow.
“You alright? Need anything to eat? You haven’t somehow acquired any more wounds since Sokovia that I should know about, have you?” Sam had opened the fridge and was staring into it and tapping his foot as if he would find his answers there instead of by looking at Steve. Steve went up to him wrapping his arms around Sam and pressing up against his back.
“I’m okay. Well, better now. I kind of just don’t want to do anything but be here. If you’ll have me.” Steve said into Sam’s hair. Sam closed the door to the refrigerator with a sigh and pressed further back against Steve. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I should have. I just didn’t know what to say.”
“Yeah, I get it. You could have come home though, instead of staying in the tower. I know how you hate it there. And, well, you know i’m always worried.” Sam confessed turning into the embrace. “I know there’s no point to it, but man… every time. Even when i’m out there with you I just keep waiting to see your body laid out all crooked over some building rubble. And then after, when you don’t talk, you don’t come home, and I know you need to process. Trust me, I know what it’s like, yeah?” He pushed Steve’s shoulders away from him and looked at him, searching for some kind of answer or recognition. Steve smirked. Sam pulled lightly at the short hair at the back of Steve’s head in playful annoyance. “Nah, nah, don’t start giving me any of that super-soldier bullshit. Just because you can lift buildings or shit doesn’t make you special.” Sam’s short-lived smile halted and he leaned to rest his forehead on Steve’s. “Or invincible for that matter.”
“You think I don’t know?” Steve said softly. “It’s stupid. I know. But when Natasha first requested you for the new team I told her no. Um. It wasn’t my place of course, she told me as much, but it was a gut reaction. I- obviously I know you’re capable, you’re amazing really, and I- you’re someone I know I can trust by my side, but- It’s just- fuck Sam.”
“Hey, hey, hey” Sam shushed him, pulling away slightly. “I get it, of course I get it babe, but there’s danger either way and we both know we’re going to be a lot more comfortable with all of this if we can be by each other’s side.”
“Yeah I know...” They stood there for a little while not knowing where to go from there. Steve had a lot he could say but he had the feeling Sam already knew what he needed him to, and even if he didn’t, right now wasn’t the time for either of them to delve into it.
And then, Sam’s face suddenly changed into a smirk as he said, faking incredulousness, “Did you just say ‘fuck’?”
“Sam, I swear to God if you start with this too…” Steve shook his head stepping away, but fully welcoming the change in tone.
“Oh is that who you swear to?” Said Sam, his voice dripping with exaggerated double-entendre, obviously trying to lighten the mood. Steve let it work. It wasn’t time for sulking in all this heaviness right now, there would be plenty of time for that later. He was home now. The first place that had actually felt like home in a while. And he really shouldn’t have knocked, because the way Sam was looking at him, he knew he was more than welcome. Sam leaned back against the refrigerator “I think I may remember you swearing to someone entirely different in my bed a few times.”
“You’re honestly the worst.” Steve smiled stepping forward slightly, back into Sam’s space.
“Oh yeah?” smiled Sam right before Steve kissed him.
“Yeah.” he whispered into Sam’s lips. Sam wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders and there was something in the air that lifted as they both moved to deepen the kiss.
And then Sam’s phone buzzed in his pocket. The vibrations rattled against the fridge in a way neither of them could ignore no matter how much they wanted to. Steve pulled away with a put-upon look as Sam reached to grab his phone.
“Hey. Ma? Yeah?” Sam asked with a slight pant still in his voice despite his efforts to sound welcoming. “Oh. Is that right?” he nodded knowingly at Steve as he listened to his mother start to ramble on the other end.
Steve smiled back at him, stepping back to lean against the kitchen counter. Steve didn’t mind waiting. They had time. Finally. Maybe. He had to believe they had time because as much as he might want to at times, watching Sam right then he knew, he couldn’t hide away anymore for fear of losing someone again. It was the scariest thing to him, more than any threat to the world. But he couldn’t help but think that if he could live in this feeling; of newfound home, of discovery, and welcome, and this growing love, this chance for something he had never truly gotten to live in before; even for a little while… well. Sam would probably laugh at him for days for even thinking this cheesy, but, it would all just maybe be worth it.