Work Text:
Tuesday, 30th May
15:27
Noora: hey
Noora: I talked to Sana
Yousef: And? Did you tell her?
Noora: I guess she already knew somehow
Yousef: how? I haven’t even told anyone other than you
Noora: idk maybe Elias figured it out
Noora: Yousef Im sorry
Noora: she said she doesn’t like you
Noora: maybe I can try explaining to her
Yousef: No. No it’s fine
Yousef: Thanks for trying though
Yousef sighed defeatedly, dropping the phone onto his chest, as he laid on his bed.
Were all the signs just in my head?
Maybe this crush has just taken a toll on me.
But...how can I have imagined this for four years?
The questions spun through his head, causing a whirl of chaos in his body. His brain was telling him, actually screaming, that he should just accept the truth. The fact was, Sana Bakkoush was never into him. Then there was his stupid, foolish , innocent heart, that repeated one question.
But what if she was? What if she is?
He knew he couldn’t force it, and maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe they were destined to stay as friend, or just those people who nodded at each other as their eyes met in the hallway.
For a moment, Yousef forgot about the text, closing his brown eyes, he imagined what could have been, Sana & Yousef.
--
Wednesday, 31st May
She was avoiding him.
He could tell, and frankly, it wasn’t hard to notice it. But Yousef couldn’t help but notice the spark of hope within him, as he watched her avoid eye contact with him.
Because, why would she be avoiding him if it weren’t for the fact that she liked hi-
No , his brain scolded, stop making signs up from nothing.
I need to get over this.
I need to get over this.
I need to get over this.
His brain chanted the words, as he watched her type away on her laptop from afar, falsely hoping that his damn heart would listen.
--
Thursday, 1st June
His plans hadn’t went as well as he had thought. Not noticing her was harder than not blinking.
So he had asked the boys if they would just come over to his house. Dammit anything , than having to constantly see her in his peripheral vision. But of course , fate hated him, as they once again landed in Elias’ house.
He had went to the kitchen swiftly, to drink some water without the boys noticing, as he didn’t want to make their thirst worse whilst they were fasting. Grabbing the glass cup from the cabinet, he carefully turned the tap on, filling his cup as quietly as possible. Suddenly, he heard footsteps entering the the kitchen. Panic-stricken, he gulped down the water in seconds, turning around with a fake smile.
“Hey man I just wa-”
And off course, it had to be her.
Usually, he would just stay silent, oggle at the beauty which is Sana Bakkoush, give a small smile that she wouldn't reciprocate, then go back to suffering silently.
But something was different.
It was tiny, a fragment of an alteration on her face but he could tell.
She looked guilty.
Yousef quirked his eyebrow, watching as she stepped closer into the kitchen, about to say somethi-
“-Sana?” Elias stormed into the warm coloured kitchen, hand holding out his phone, “what is this?!” in anger and concern, he walked up to her, displaying the screen. A moment of panic flashed upon her face, before settling down to it’s regular, stoicness. She licked her upper lip, eyes not even looking at the screen after a second.
Before speaking to her brother, she paused, eyes catching Yousef’s.
“We can speak about this in my room Elias.”
“But Sana who the hell is doing th-’
“Elias, let’s go .” With the pull of his arm, she dragged him passed the kitchen door into her room, door slamming close.
Yousef froze, ears trying to, from his spot in the kitchen, decipher the mumble of echoey words from across the wall. All he could conjure was that Elias was panicking, Yousef knew his friend’s panicky voice, along with a calm response from Sana. After exactly three minutes of him yelling loudly, and her muttering quietly, he stepped out of her room.
Not being able to help himself, he walked up to Elias, who had seemingly calmed down.
“Hey man, what happened?” God it was hard to keep the stress and concern out of his voice. Elias shook his head, rolling his eyes.
“Nothing-I guess she has it all under control.”
“Has what under control.” Elias opened his mouth to respond, but paused after thinking.
“I can’t say. But don’t worry she’s strong man.”
“W- what ? What happened? Did something happen in sch-”
“Yousef.” Elias placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “chill. She’s fine. It’s Sana.”
He walked passed him to the living room, leaving a desperate and longing Yousef behind.
Noora, his brain reminded him.
Taking out his phone, he tapped onto their conversation.
Yousef: hey is everything alright with Sana?
He placed the phone down after a moment onto the dining table, sitting right in front of it. Legs jittering up and down, and nails being bitten down by his teeth, he waited. After what felt like six hours, there was no response.
“Fy faen” he muttered exasperatedly to himself. A moment later, he left out a frustrated laugh.
The girl, causing all this stress within him, was literally one wall away . Yet, he knew that that wall wasn’t all that distanced him from her now. He fell back, head landing on the back of the dining chair, as he closed his eyes.
Ping.
He jolted up, scooping up the phone.
Noora: I don’t think it’s my place to being saying this
Noora: but I know you won’t this out to everyone so
Noora: https://www.instagram.com/saranors2/
Yousef: oh my god thank you!
Yousef paused in hesitation, almost readying himself for where the link would send him.
And his heart almost dropped out of his chest as he clicked on the images.
Horrible, disgusting, despicable words popped out with each swipe to the next picture. And then he froze, Sana , one of them said.
In that one millisecond, Yousef felt all the blood simultaneously drain from his body, and start to boil within his veins.
Ho-how could someone be this.. cruel enough, to be able to say these things about someone?
And then it hit him, Sana .
Fy faen she must know about these.
Dropping the phone onto the counter, Yousef rushed out of the kitchen, towards her room.
“Sana!” he hollered, banging the white door. He didn’t care if everyone noticed. Fuck, he didn’t care how odd and out of place it would seem. The only thing that scattered across his mind was one thing:
Sana.
“San-” The door rushed open, followed by Sana. She stood still, taking in his panicky composure.
“What-”
Without a word, he pushed passed her into the room, closing the door behind him.
“What the fuck Yousef, you cannot just wal -” he raised his hands up cautiously, moving backwards until the distance between them was safe enough, and his back hit the door.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he repeated, hands still in the air. After a moment, he looked down to the ground defeatingly.
“I’m so sorry Sana .” he whispered, looking up to her. Sana crossed her arms across her chest, face still as still as previously in the kitchen.
“And why is that?”
“Because,” he carefully stepped forward, hands lowering to his sides, “because you have to face all this shit, on a daily basis. And what’s worse is that y-you clearly aren’t even fazed by it at this point.” He caught the slight falter in her steel-like expression, as she responded.
“W-what are you talking about Yousef?”
“I saw the Instagram account. I saw that horrible post. And I’m so fucking sorry that you have to face that.”
And Sana froze.
“And..” he paused, voice quiet, “I’m sorry for what I did. I don't know if you even like me, that does't matter, but I am so so so sorry. You don’t deserve to face this.”
She stood motionless, hearing those small words. They were so simple, just common words.
I’m so sorry.
You don’t deserve to face this.
She had heard it all before, but there was something about the... way he said it, that broke the final chip of sanity within her. Because whilst everyone saw her as Sana The Great, he had, out of everyone, said what she had practically been begging to her.
You’re human, she heard
You’re human.
You can break.
You’re human.
So she cracked.
A soft sob escaped her lips, as she covered her mouth with her hand. Her body dropped, knees buckling as she fell to the floor.
“ Fy faen , Sana-” he rushed to catch her in his arms, before she could feel the impact of the wooden floor.
And it broke free.
She let out the sob that had been built up for so long within her.
Maybe weeks? Maybe months? Maybe years?
She had lost count after the twentieth comment on her “evil scarf”.
She howled out a cry, loud and clear. She cried for all the comments she heard from behind her in class. She cried because of all the pain that she had bunched up into a tight ball in the corner of her heart. She cried because she missed her friends. She cried out because she had to grow up too fast. She cried because she was tired. She cried because he was the first person who had had actually reminded her, that she in in the end, is just a human.
She cried out because dammit, she’s just a teenage girl.
Yousef hesitated, before bringing her face into his chest, arms covering her shaking body.
He didn’t try shushing her, he didn’t whisper “don’t cry”, he just hugged her, keeping her close to him.
Closing his eyes, he blocked out the loud knocking and hollering coming from the other side of the door, ears tuning only, and only to the loud sobs escaping Sana’s lips.
“It’s okay.” he whispered with a ragged voice, “I’m right here. Let it all out, I’m right her e.” With his warm hands, he pulled her face into his vision.
And his heart broke all over again .
She wasn’t Sana Bakkoush in that moment, the strong, fierce, basketball pro, intelligent, witty women that carried her head high with pride.
She was just a small, broken girl. A small girl, whose eyes screamed for the comfort and solace that she had hid behind her steel personality for all the years.
With wet cheeks and a runny nose, her puffy red eyes, caught his watery ones.
“I’m sorry.” he repeated, feeling the tear roll down his cheek. He didn’t know what he was apologizing for in the moment, maybe for all the things she had endured, or maybe for all the shit he had done, but that was all that he could could say. Like a chant, he whispered it to her.
With his hands on her pale face, he swiped the mascara-ridden tears off swiftly with his thumbs.
“I messed up.” she whispered, shaking her head, “ oh god I messed up Yousef.” Yousef shook his head, brown hair falling onto his forehead.
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’ll be alright. Anything and everything can be fixed Sana. We . Can fix it- whatever it is.” his voice was so quiet, as if he was whispering in front of a sleeping child.
She nodded as he brought her face into his chest, hands wiping her runny nose.
And everything went silent for a moment.
For both of them, it was a moment of tranquility, some peace after god knows how long.
He protected her in that moment, from everything and anything. And under his breath, he silently vowed to himself that he would never , ever , let her get to this point, ever , again. He promised to himself, and to her, that they would figure this out, together, and that it would always be together , that they’d solve their problems from now on.
“I’m tired.” she whispered into his jacket, “I’m just... so so tired Yousef.”
“I know,” he mumbled onto her forehead, placing a soft kiss on her temple, “I know. And I’m sorry for that. Sana I’m so so so sorry.”
They sat there for a while.
Him just hugging her, protecting her for that moment, so that she wouldn’t have to place her steel guard, her armour, up for once.
They sat in the same spot, him covering her face with his arms, lips whispering healing, soothing, words into her ear.
She was at peace for once.
And in that moment, Sana could finally pray.
Into his chest, she whispered prayers of peace, of solace. She prayed for some guidance to her tangle of problems, she prayed for her friends, her brother, Yousef .
--
It had been a good hour before they got up.
He called Elias, muttering that she needed to be alone for sometime.
Thank god, she thought, that her parents were at a small gala for the hospital that her father worked in. She didn’t know how she would be able to see them at that moment, if they were home.
Yousef dropped her phone onto the bed, reaching out his hand to pull her up. With a slight glance up, she grasped the length of his arm, pulling herself up.
“Thank you.” she whispered after a moment, eyes looking down at the ground. Before she could turn to enter her bathroom, a hand caught her wrist. Looking behind her, she met his eyes.
Yousef licked his lips nervously, eyes searching her’s. Before a moment of hesitation, he stepped towards her. Eyes not leaving her’s he stepped another step closer, and another, and another, until his warmth was radiating onto her skin. Pausing for a second, he brought his hands up to her face, cupping her cheeks.
“You don’t have to thank me, ever, okay?” she nodded, feeling his thumb caress her cheekbone.
“Sit down” he mumbled, pulling her onto the edge of the bed. Hands leaving her face, he entered into the bathroom, silently shuffling through the cabinet. After a moment, he walked back in, holding her packet of makeup wipes.
He stopped right in front of her, body lowering itself until he was sitting crossed-legged facing her. Silently, he pulled out a wipe, placing the packet down.
It was almost therapeutic , the way his hands moved over her face.
Fingers gently caressing her mascara-stained cheeks. Knuckles "accidentally" grazing the arches of her face. Thumb sliding across her bottom lip oh so softly. His eyes stuck on her’s as he pulled another wipe out, thumb wiping off the purple lipstick left on her dry lips so tortuously slow.
Both of their breaths were suddenly forgotten, as if, air didn't seem quite as necessary in that moment.
His finger danced softly from each part of her face, wiping off the gunk of her good cry.
After pausing and scanning her skin, he threw the waste into her trash can, before placing his hands over the smooth planes of her face.
And he swore time stopped for that moment.
She watched his face; the way his eyes always glanced her up and down, the way he constantly wetted his lips, and the small creases that appeared just under his eyes as he showed his beautiful smile. A flash of hesitance painted over his face, before he shook his head, as if saying oh fuck it.
“I love you.” he whispered with a grin, breaking the silence. There was no look on his face, no single twitch of a muscle, indicating that he was waiting for her response. Just a light, carefree, easy look.
Damn, she had forgotten how much she had missed that look.
She placed a hand on his cheek, thumb caressing his small dimples.
Although Sana knew that they still had a lot to discuss, they had a lot to deal with still. Although she knew it was incredibly stupid of her to be saying this. And although they had many things to solve, she felt her heart soar at the easiness in which the words escaped her lips.
Because she knew, Sana knew, that no matter what happened, they would figure it out together .
Because she wasn't alone.
“I love you too.”