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“Are you all five years old and very, very into drawing?”
Taehyung's head snaps up to Yoongi, who is leaning against the doorway with a cup of coffee in his hand, watching them with mild interest.
It was supposed to be a calm, quiet night, at least that's what Yoongi was apparently preparing himself for. He opened the door with a book under his arm and a pair of glasses pushed up to the top of his head. He was clearly hoping to catch up on his reading, but the moment he saw his six friends standing on his doorstep, he sighed and took a step back to allow them to come inside. He was used to them ambushing him whenever they felt that they had not seen him in a long time. In their case, a long time was a very loosely defined term, based mostly on how needy everyone was feeling. And when it came to missing Yoongi, Taehyung thought of himself as a proud front runner.
“So? Are you?” Yoongi asks again, snapping Taehyung out of his thoughts.
“Ah, would you stop?” Hoseok asks with a sigh, gesturing to the rest of their friends; each of them completely engrossed in scribbling something on tiny pieces of paper. “We're having fun, strengthening the bonds of our relationship, improving the morale of the group.”
“Also we're, like, super bored,” Jimin adds in a monotone voice, his eyes never leaving the paper in front of him.
Hoseok's shoulders slump as he mumbles:
“Fine, that too.”
Yoongi grins at him and Taehyung's heart swells up three sizes.
He should be used to that by now, but any time he sees Yoongi smile, the butterflies in his stomach start doing backflips. His feelings appeared with no warning, one day he just woke up with the biggest crush on one of his friends. And that's the problem, really. Yoongi is one of his friends and Taehyung's skin starts to crawl whenever he thinks about the possible outcomes of him confessing to Yoongi and getting rejected. He knows that Yoongi would try to treat him like he always does, but they would both be awkward around each other and then they'd start avoiding each other and everything would go downhill. He can't do that to his friends and he really doesn't want to do that to himself, so he has to keep his feelings under wraps, stashed away deep in his heart where they belong.
“And how exactly are you strengthening those bonds? By drawing each other congratulatory cards?”
“By playing games, thank you very much,” Seokjin pipes up from his spot on Yoongi's armchair.
“Come on, sit down with us!” Taehyung says, patting the cushion next to him. Yoongi mumbles something into his mug, but he obediently pushes himself off the doorframe and walks over to sit down next to Taehyung.
“Why can't you, like, just play Scrabble or Monopoly?”
“Are you kidding, Monopoly would end up in a bloodbath and Scrabble is boring when you're playing against him.” Hoseok points at Namjoon, who in turn beams as if Hoseok just told him the biggest compliment in the world.
“So what's the deal? What are you playing?” Yoongi asks, leaning against Taehyung to look over his shoulder at the piece of paper in his hand. Taehyung can feel the heat of his body and the smell of his body wash and coffee, and it makes those damn butterflies in his stomach flutter wildly.
Jeongguk, who is sitting next to him, wiggles his eyebrows and nudges Taehyung's knee with his elbow. Taehyung glares at him, fighting the childish urge to throw a punch. Asshole. Asshole who knows too much.
“Everyone has to write down some task, and then we're going to put them here,” Hoseok points at the empty glass bowl that Yoongi used to serve them candy, which by this point had obviously disappeared. “We're going to have a little lottery, for fun.”
Yoongi mutters something under his breath, something that sounds very much like my definition of fun right there, and because he's still ridiculously close Taehyung can hear him, so he lets out a tiny giggle, covering his mouth with his hand. Yoongi seems to notice that, because he looks up at him, ready to smile, but then Taehyung does the stupid thing and allows his gaze to drop to his lips, and Yoongi clears his throat, shuffling away from him.
Right.
Taehyung turns his attention back to his paper, or tries to, anyway. He can't come up with anything good, so he scribbles down the first thing that pops into his mind, folds the paper in two and throws it into the bowl.
With a soft sigh, he rolls over onto his stomach, propping his chin with his palms. He spends the next few moments just watching everyone, absorbing and relishing the feeling of being amongst his friends. It's comforting and relaxing, his heart swelling with that strange sort of affection that appears only when he's feeling safe and happy.
Soon the bowl fills up with pieces of paper and everyone gathers around it. Yoongi is the first one to draw and when he chooses his paper, the color drains from his face.
“Alright,” he says slowly, rereading the words on the paper for the hundredth time. “Which one of you, thirsty assholes--”
Hoseok clicks his tongue and tugs on Yoongi's wrist, making him show him the paper.
“Oh my God,” he giggles, letting go of Yoongi's wrist and patting his knee instead. “This is too good to be true.”
Taehyung cranes his neck to see the words written on the piece of paper. Paper passing game. Oh fuck.
So maybe staring at Yoongi's lips while searching for inspiration wasn't his brightest idea, but in his defense, he didn't exactly expect his paper to get chosen first, if at all. He was kind of expecting it to stay on the bottom of the bowl until everyone is bored with playing and they decide to do something else.
Life really has a way of fucking him over.
He quickly strengthens up, joining in with the chuckles and wolf whistles, but they sound fake to his own ears. He's trying to keep his expression casual and his laugh lighthearted, but his mind is frantically trying to fit everything together.
Yoongi chose the game, so he's the first player. Taehyung is sitting next to him. Taehyung is actually the only person sitting next to him. Ergo, Yoongi is going to pass the paper to him. The super thin piece of paper. Mouth to mouth.
Fuck.
He wonders if anyone is going to step in, if someone is going to stop the game. It's a fifty-fifty chance, really. He knows that he's the only one who would treat this as a big deal, and his hopes leave him when he hears Seokjin say:
“So? Are you going to get on with it?”
Yoongi flinches, staring with wide eyes at the pink piece of paper Namjoon passes to him. Taehyung tries to keep himself together and act unfazed, turning himself around to face Yoongi. Some part of him can hear the comments and conversations going on around him, but whenever he tries to focus on them, everything turns into white noise.
Yoongi is so close to him, his cheeks and the tips of his ears tainted pink. Taehyung can see the way Yoongi's gaze slides from Jeongguk to him and back to Jeongguk again, as if looking at Taehyung for too long was too embarrassing. He takes a sharp breath in when Yoongi brings the piece of paper to his lips.
And okay, this is his only chance, the only way he can get to know what it's like. Plus it's not like they're getting married, it's just a silly game. He can just keep it cool.
His hand slides up to Yoongi's neck, pulling him closer. He can't hear anything but his own heart beating wildly against his ribs like a bird trying to get out of a cage. While some part of him can't believe that this is really happening, the rest of him is drunk with anticipation. He leans closer, his eyes meeting Yoongi's for a fraction of a second before he closes them, his lips parting.
He can almost taste Yoongi, can feel Yoongi's breath on his lips, when suddenly a hand moves up to his chest, lightly pushing him away.
Taehyung opens his eyes just in time to see Yoongi start coughing, the piece of paper floating to the floor. Taehyung wants to ask if he's okay, but before he even gets the first word out, Yoongi, perfectly fine, turns around to Hoseok and asks:
“Does that mean we lost?”
The taste of disappointment isn't bitter, it's sour.
Taehyung blinks a few times and when he realizes that everyone around him is laughing, he starts giggling too. He really hopes that he sounds and looks convincing enough, because laughter is the last thing on his mind right now.
It just doesn't make sense. He knows that him being a guy isn't a problem. And yeah, he shouldn't assume that Yoongi would be okay with this just because he's not straight, but Taehyung knows that he had made out with Jin and Namjoon respectively a few years ago. It didn't lead to anything else, at least as far as Taehyung knows, but it shows that Yoongi doesn't mind making out with his friends, and that makes Taehyung think . Yoongi isn't above physical contact with people he likes. He clearly likes Namjoon and Seokjin, the way he fanboys over anything Hoseok does is quite transparent too, not to mention the fact that he would probably sell his own mother if Jimin or Jeongguk breathed a word about needing some pocket money.
Come to think of it, Taehyung is the only person in their group who gets a different kind of treatment from Yoongi. No kiddie gloves, no rose tinted glasses. And realizing that stings.
He tries not to show it. He leans back, watching his friends start a different game, but keeping up that unbothered act is more difficult now than ever. Because knowing that Yoongi doesn't return his feelings is one thing, but realizing that he might not even particularly like him as a friend is a little too much to handle. Yoongi tolerates him, yeah. He's not mean, he's not rude, but how much of this is because he doesn't want to ruin the balance of the group? What if one day Yoongi just stops talking to him and that's the end of that? What if one day he's going to need Yoongi and Yoongi won't be there?
What if one day Yoongi is going to break his heart?
What if he already did?
Taehyung is avoiding him.
Usually Yoongi isn't the one, or at least the first one, to notice things like that, but this time it's more than obvious. He was acting weird last Friday when they had their little game night, and that didn't change during the weekend. They were supposed to see each other when Hoseok invited the entire group over to his place, but Taehyung didn't show up. Apparently something came up, but no one gave Yoongi any details, and to be honest, he wasn't in the position to ask for them.
He could call Taehyung, sure. He could send him a text or just drop by, make up some bullshit excuse and try to get the sense of the situation. The problem is, Yoongi doesn't want to do that. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just… he and Taehyung have a very special type of a relationship and to be completely honest, it's Yoongi's fault. It's Yoongi's fault that being around Taehyung turns him into a sad, emotionally constipated and socially inadequate mess. Taehyung is his damn kryptonite, around him Yoongi just can't seem to act like the adult he claims to be. He wishes he could, he really does.
So maybe that's why when he sees Taehyung on campus next Monday morning, his feet start moving towards him before his brain even comes up with anything to say.
And maybe that's why, when Taehyung turns around, getting away from Yoongi, he starts chasing after him like a maniac, waving his hands and yelling:
“Taehyung! Hey, Tae! Wait up!”
Taehyung stops only after Yoongi gets close enough to catch his wrist and spin him around.
“Oh, Yoongi! Hi, didn't see you there,” Taehyung says cheerfully, smiling at him.
Yoongi knows Taehyung's smiles. He keeps every single one of them in his memory, keeps them like a catalogue he enjoys flipping through. He knows which one Taehyung uses when he's a little embarrassed, he knows that when he's really happy his grin becomes box-shaped. And he knows the one Taehyung is sending him now. It's the one he uses when he's lying.
“Hi,” Yoongi says slowly and points his thumb over his shoulder. “Isn't your class that way?”
“Oh. Yeah, but I'm ditching today.”
Yoongi looks at him, carefully watching his face. He's lying, there's no doubt about it. The problem is, Yoongi isn't sure how he should approach it. He could act like he always does and let it go, or he could… well, face his kryptonite.
“Tae, what's wrong?” he asks quietly. “You're acting weird and I feel like you're avoiding me. Did I do something?”
“What, no, of course not.” Taehyung's voice is much higher pitched than usually.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“Stop lying. Seriously, tell me what's wrong.”
“I'm not--” Taehyung stops himself, chewing on his lip. He runs his fingers through his hair and with a huff of annoyance, he turns to Yoongi, asking him:
“I'm just… why did you stop the game?”
Holy hell.
“What? What are you talking about?” Yoongi chokes out, desperately hoping that Taehyung will take the hint and back out of this.
“It's stupid but… am I that repulsive to you?” Taehyung asks, his words almost slurring together with how fast he's saying them. “Like, I know you don't like me like that, but the way you reacted, I just… I don't know, it hurt, I suppose.”
Yoongi pauses, looking at Taehyung as if he was seeing him for the first time in his life. He looks scared, almost small, almost sad, and Yoongi's heart breaks.
“God, Tae, it's not like that at all. I'm not repulsed by you, seriously. I like you, I really do.”
“So why did you… you know?” Taehyung asks, waving his hands vaguely.
Yoongi bites his lip, but Taehyung notices it, notices the hesitation, and shakes his head with a pleading look in his eye.
“Please just tell me.”
Fuck. Yoongi really can't tell Taehyung no, no matter how hard he tries. Taehyung is his biggest weakness, and Yoongi hates being weak. He tried to keep Taehyung at an arm's reach, but it's so damn difficult when all he wants is to the exact opposite. So maybe this is the time to give up, maybe this is his chance to come clean.
“Well, the truth is…” he takes a deep breath, looking in the direction of Taehyung's feet. “I didn't want to see you play with Jeongguk.”
“What?”
“You'd have to pass the paper to him, and thinking about that--”
“Wait, wait, wait, hang on.” Taehyung stops him, raising his palm. “You were jealous? Of Gukkie?”
“What? No, I just…” Yoongi trails off, searching for the right words, for the way to make Taehyung understand that yes, he didn't want him to pass the paper to Jeongguk (the very handsome and cute Jeongguk who already is close with Taehyung as it is), but it wasn't jealousy, it was…
Huh.
“I don't know, maybe I was jealous. Fine, I definitely was,” he adds, seeing Taehyung's raised eyebrows.
“I can't believe you sometimes. So that's it? You wouldn't play because of Gukkie?”
Yoongi inhales sharply. His heart is thumping wildly in his chest and he refuses to look at Taehyung again until he hears him ask:
“Okay, will you play now?”
The fuck.
“Wh- now? Here?”
Taehyung nods, slipping his backpack off his shoulder. “Yeah. You in? Or should I ask someone else?” he turns around towards a group of students standing nearby, but Yoongi quickly hisses at him, waving his hands.
“I'm in, I'm in. Jesus, Tae--” he groans, watching as Taehyung takes a notebook out of his backpack and tears out one of the pages.
“Shut up.” Taehyung grins at him and puts the piece of paper up to his lips. “Play.”
Yoongi is still torn between rolling his eyes at Taehyung and running the fuck away from him, so he chooses the third option; he obediently leans forward, climbing onto his tiptoes.
Before he gets the chance to do anything, Taehyung swiftly pulls the paper down and lets go of it, allowing it to float to the ground. He cups Yoongi's face with his hands, and softly presses his lips against his, and Yoongi's heart explodes. The kiss is gentle and delicate, barely even there, but it still makes Yoongi feel as if someone had tried to knock him out with something heavy. It lasts only a few seconds, but when Taehyung pulls back, scanning Yoongi's face, Yoongi is pretty sure he can still taste him on his lips.
“Uh,” he starts, running the tips of his fingers over his bottom lip, as if searching for a mark Taehyung had left on him. “Why did you… This wasn't about the game, was it?”
“Nah, the game was just an excuse.” Taehyung shrugs. “Plus I wanted to see if I can make you do this.”
“Oh.”
“Yep. I can't believe you agreed to playing with me, here, in the middle of the campus--”
“Shut up,” Yoongi mumbles. Taehyung starts laughing and wraps his arms around his waist, swaying them from side to side.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me?”
Yoongi looks up from Taehyung’s embrace. Taehyung is beaming down at him, his eyes so shiny and his smile so happy that Yoongi knows that this, this is going to be his favorite smile ever.
“Yeah,” he says, turning around in his arms. “But only if you take me out on a date. A fancy one.”
“Yeah,” Taehyung echoes. “I think we have a deal.”