Work Text:
“Hey, Jean’s sick? That’s cool, look I’ll be Jean!”
“Take off that horse mask, you look ridiculous.”
“So I can play Jean then?”
“Armin? Armin? Guys, has anyone seen Armin, we’re shooting his almost-death scene!”
“Dude, you tell me! I’m looking for Eren, where has that little shit gotten to? It’s his goddamn ‘death’ scene too.”
"Aw, they're sleeping together, how cu- Jean what are you doing?"
"No-thing. #Armin Arlert, #Eren Yeager, #homos."
“Guys, guys look what Annie’s doing, look, look she’s beating Bert at arm-wrestling, hahah!”
"Sh-shut up, this isn't easy, she's really strong!"
"Wait wait, lemme try!"
".... goddamnit, how are you doing this?"
“Where the hell is Sasha?”
“Did you check the buffet table? Because she usually hovers around there with Connie. Or they’re causing mischief on the set. You know what I found mashed inside the camera cap? Yeah, a fucking potato.”
“Someone sit Levi down, for god’s sake, we need to apply his makeup. Every fangirl out there can’t wait to see his dark, mysterious and brooding eyes and if he doesn’t sit down, we’re not gonna have time!”
“Hanji-Hanji wake up! Get up, you’re sleeping on a prop.”
“…..”
“Oh my god, you were cuddling our Colossal Titan prop, you’re such a weirdo.”
“Erwin? Erwin! Get your ass out of the men’s room!”
“I’m an old man, indulge me.”
“He’s trying to shit and the shit won’t come out.”
“Already in character, eh, Levi?”
“Shut up, you dick.”
“You make such a great Levi.”
“Holy shit! Oh my god, it's just a prop, thank god... that prop scared the shit out of me!”
“Hey Sasha, here you go! Your best friend!”
“Oh bite me, Jean, take back your stinking potato!”
“Ha ha ha, my name is Jean Kirschtein and this is Jackass...”
“You horsefucker!”
"Calm down, Eren-"
"No, I can't, Armin, he put it on Instagram!"
“Oh shit! Eren, Eren, Eren hey, you can’t kill me, not before I get to die on screen, oh god stop- oh thank god, it’s Mikasa. Mikasa protect me!”
“Aww, look how cute Mikasa and Annie are. Poor little girls, they’re pooped.”
“Of course they are, they spent all day jumping and rolling and doing all manners of stunts. Oh my god, look how they’re cuddling, how sweet!”
“Armin, focus! Stop taking selfies! You’re gonna spoil this episode for our viewers!”
"Tell Jean to stop photo-bombing my selfies, damnit... does my hair look messy to you?"
“Oh my god, stop making out and posting it on Twitter, Ereri is NOT becoming canon, stop teasing the fangirls, Eren!”
“Marco, you scared the shit out of me! Geez…”
“Sorry, Jean, I thought you’d think it was funny…”
“Your death scene is not funny…”
"Yo, Petra, check out the right side of my face…"
"Gah, this makeup blood is grossss, it’s sticky and smells weird. At least there’s no blood on you!"
"Hey, speak for yourself, I’m walking around with it in my mouth.”
"Ha, ask Franz how he feels, guys! You got off easy…"
"Or ask Carla!"
"….. TOO FAR."
—————————————————————————————————————————————
Blooper Reel
Eren:
"If you don't fight, you can't win! Duh, Mikasa, you dumb bitch! Wait, wait, is that my line?"
"Oh crap, what was my line again?"
"Levi-senpai!"
"Don’t drop that durka durk- hey Jean if you throw one more shoe I’m gonna beat you, just freaking beat you.”
"Armin… marry me! What are you talking about, that’s totally the line!"
"Sorry Mikasa, I only kill freestyle!"
"On that day, humanity received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of these- Bertholdt, stop twerking up there or I’ll come up and push you off. Mr. Colossal Titan- oops, spoiler."
Levi:
"The difference in judgement between you and me originates from different rules derived from past experience. I’m basically saying you’re my little bitch."
"All we can hope is that we made the right ones…. so you done fucked up, Eren. You have screwed us all"
"Hey Erwin. You enjoying writing your signature? You should really savor that, you know. Also eating without looking like a total retard. Savor that arm while you have it."
"They see me rolling! They hating!"
"You spin me right round, baby, right rouuuund like a record baby, right round…"
Mikasa:
"The world is a cruel place but it’s also…also… a line. I have a line here, I just know it!"
"Ah, shit! I just killed a Titan, yo, I’d like to see our so-called-protagonist Eren do the same! Any time now, Jaeger!"
"Dah dah dah dah dah dah duh duh dah dah duh duh duh JAEGER!"
"Eren! Eren! Eren! Is that enough? No, damn all my lines consist of Eren! Eren! Eren! Eren!....Mikasa!"
"Yo horse boy, just how much of you is a horse exactly?"
Jean:
"Ereeeeeeeen. I know your sister turns everyone on!"
"Marcooooooooo. You half to come back to me before my heart splits in half, oh god, I’m such a monster.”
"Your hair is beautiful. I’m so horny. I’m so sorry."
"……. my faith in huma- HAHAHAHA omg, I can’t say this, I’m tweeting this, gimme your phone…"
"Marco… I can’t even tell… which bones are your- Marco, stop it! Director, tell him to stop making goofy faces at me from over there! This is serious, damnit!"
Armin:
"I don’t think anyone is good for everyone. Except me. I’m good for everyone. Come at me, ladies, I am so available."
"Don’t watch it. Nothing good can come from anything with the word ‘Boku' in its title."
"Chocolate! Give me your Death Note and lick my leather boots!"
“People, who can’t throw something important away, can never hope to change anything. So Eren, you can throw away that tooth Levi knocked out of your face, because honestly that’s creepy!”
"I’m cute as heck, why the hell would you wanna eat me?"
"Poor Eren, thanks so much, I didn’t feel like getting eaten by Santa Claus today, byeeee, see ya later."
"Right as Eren falls into the Titan’s mouth, I snapped a picture and posted it on Facebook 'lol dying, later world!' and I’m posting it on his timeline, give me a sec…"
"Yo horsey, come here, this is for the vine, we’re gonna play some gay chicken!"
Erwin:
"I’m sorry, that was a strange thing to say…. Wanna get even stranger?"
"ONWARD MY BITCHES!"
"You are all my bitches now!"
"No backing out, you little ****ers!"
"Welcome to candy land!"
"You’re all gonna die, but it’s cool because you offered up your hearts!"
"I can guarentee that if you’re an extra, you will die, so main characters only can join the Survey Corps! The rest will likely be eaten and pay less than an eighth of what we're paid."
Hanji:
"Oh my god, Titans, man. I am so turned on."
"Jizz in my pants… wait, can girls say that?"
"That’s what she… he… it said. That’s what it said! Wait, Titans can’t talk…"
"Titans don’t defecate… geez, Levi, why so obsessed with poop? I bet you liked ‘Two girls, one cup!’"
"Levi’s a little nympho, I called it!"
"Levi, selfie time! Erwin get your ass over here! Smile! Or Levi’s approximation of one."
Connie:
"I don’t know what’s going on…. does anyone know? Does anyone know? Seriously, get me one person who knows what the hell is going on, ever!"
"I’m gonna spank you lat- bwahaha, can’t say that line with a straight face."
"Armin, I’ll be your Mario, leap into my arms, Peach!"
Sasha:
"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes? Oh snap, Sasha out!"
Reiner:
"And if that doesn't work, you can always shove a blade up their- their- stop giggling, it's totally legit. Bert, wipe that smile off your face or I'm gonna wipe it off you."
Annie:
".......fucking balls, what was my line?"
"Oh wait, I don't have one? Oh good. Wait, no, not good, why don't I have a line?"
"Can't touch this!"