Chapter Text
My head throbbed in pain as I quickly woke up. I didn’t remember getting home last night, but then I didn’t remember passing out either. I hadn’t been drinking, but it wasn’t unusual for me to get black-out tired. My throbbing head was just proof of my bad sleeping habits. I slowly opened my eyes, fearful of the sun’s scorching rays, but I didn’t recognize the ceiling.
My house has some boring white concrete looking stuff for a ceiling, but this was very different. The ceiling was blue, and tiled. It reminded me of a bathroom. The bed under me was harder than I'm used to, and my back ached from it. I sat up slowly, fearing my body would have a negative reaction to my headache.
The room I was in was all blue with brown furniture. My cot was bolted to the wall, like a prison bed, and there was a toilet with a curtain in the corner nearest the foot of my bed. The center had a couch, it looked to be suede, with the back facing me. To its left was an armchair and across from it, facing me was a love seat. I supposed they were gathered around a coffee table, but my view of the table was blocked by the couch. On the wall opposite me a figure was in a cot bolted to the wall in the exact same fashion as my own. I hoped that they were just sleeping, not dead.
The figure in the bed let out a deep groan and sat up slowly. I couldn’t see much from this distance, but I could tell they had really dark hair, and their skin was a soft tan. They rose to a sitting position slowly, and I could hear their joints popping from my seat across the room. They seemed to take stock of the room before jumping when they spotted me, as though I startled them.
“Who the hell are you?” Their voice was gravely and deep.
“Rene!” I said cheerfully, “Who are you?”
“Leon,” they stretched their arms high above their head. A yawn promptly followed the stretch.
“So, Rene, now that you’ve got me, what do you want?” He gave me a lazy smile.
“What do I want? To leave,” I giggled, “I’m not the reason we’re stuck here.”
“The fuck are you giggling for?” Leon said.
“Can’t I think it’s funny you thought I trapped us here?” I asked.
“Trapped?” He looked around the room agian.
“There’s a distinct lack of a door,” I slowly stood, feeling my hips popping in response to being moved.
“So there is,” Leon groused, “You see what stuck us in here?”
“Nope!” I moved towards the couch, seeing that there was indeed a coffee table in the center of the sitting area. There was a leather bound book on the table.
“Good morning, my dear test subjects!” a loud voice boomed from the ceiling.
“What the fuck!” Leon shouted.
“Good morning,” I greeted back.
“Welcome to day one of our testing. Please take a seat in the center area of your room.” The voice was still loud, but from what I could tell, it was gender neutral.
I took a seat on the armchair, crossing my legs at the ankles. My mother had taught me how to sit properly in chairs, even though I did want to really relax into the chair.
“What if I don’t want to?” Leon asked. Huh, the thought of not doing as the voice asked hadn’t even occurred to me. Dad would have made a joke about me being a sheep. I kinda am though, aren’t I?
“You don’t get fed,” the voice replied, “You want food, don’t you?”
Leon’s stomach answered for him. He grumbled as he took a seat on the loveseat. I could see him better now. His eyes were a light blue, and his hair was tied back in a pony tail. An honest to god ponytail. His hair was all long and straight. I very badly wanted to play with it. Instead I laced my fingers together and set my hands on my lap.
“Excellent,” the voice said, “Now, to earn food, you’ll need to read the first chapter of that book on the table. Either of you can read it. It just needs to be read. We will know if it has not been read, and you will not receive food.”
“How shall we do this then,” Leon asked me.
“Well, that’s a pretty thick book,” I said, “Obviously that means there are multiple chapters. We’ll probably need to read a lot of them. How about we alternate reading chapters?”
“What about continuity?” Leon asked, “I’d have trouble reading the chapter if I had no idea what happened previously!”
“How about we read aloud?” I asked, “That way we’ll both know what’s going on.”
“Okay,” Leon agreed, and picked the book up.
“You’re going first?” I asked, surprised.
“I’m hungry,” he shrugged.
“Well, okay then,” I smiled brightly at him.
“Story One,” he started, “The Love of a Wolf Demon.”
“What kind of a title is that?” I questioned.
“Oh god, it gets worse,” Leon stared at the book in horror.
“Worse?” I asked.
“The author is some chick named Sammy_Bear. Summary,” he cleared his throat before going falsetto, “Evian is a French boy who visets Japan with his brother and his brother's boyfreind but what happens when they get sent to the Fudel era and Evian finds that he is the mate to Kouga? There will be slash. Up for adoption!”
“Oh god,” I started yelling, “It’s bad fanficiton!”
Leon groaned in what sounded like frustration.
“Well hey, on the bright side, you’ll have help criticizing it,” I cheered.
“I guess so,” Leon sighed, “Also apparently the original can be found on fanficiton dot net at the following link.” He proceeded to read the link to me. I noticed a pen and a piece of paper on the table and decided to write it down, just so that I’d have something to do. The link read as https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5539287/1/The-Love-of-a-Wolf-Demon.
I do not own Inuyasha (no shit, I said. Leon chuckled before continuing.) but I do own Evian, Tison, and Demitri. (Wait, isn’t Demitri a Russian name? Leon shrugged.)
Warnings: mentions of child abuse, (abuse of the readers, I added. Leon laughed and said, I’m sure at some point in this story there’s going to be animal abuse. Though who knows, there might be a secret scat fetish here.) and yaoi (or male/male relationships.)
(Does the author think we’re stupid? Probably. I mean, who else tells their readers what yaoi is? If someone is reading this then they already know from the summary, Leon replied.)
Note: my muse for werewolf mate has taken a holiday so I will try to do something about it but for the mean time, (finally a fucking comma, Leon said) here’s the next story. Don’t forget to vote on the poll or email (I’m so sorry ma’am, but readers do not email authors) me what you think because I really want to know your opinion. I will end the vote on December 22nd. (A wild short sentence approaches! I giggled at that) I hope you all had a great thanksgiving and please, review or email me about my stories because I like knowing what you think. (Sammy sounds like a comments whore. Leon nodded in agreement.)
Evian’s eyes watered as he looked out over the city. He had suffered another beating from his father for being different. (Way to make it dramatic.) What did his father hate him and his brother Tison so much? (I think the author meant why. Is English even their first language?) Sure, they were both gay and that’s not really accepted here in France (Bull shit, and you need more commas, you grammar impaired cock sucker. Also there’s no way in hell you actually live in France. You do realize that you haven’t told us which city in France, right? Or do you just think France is a city? Idiot.) but he still did not have the right to hurt his kids. Evian awaited the trip to Japan with Tison and Tison’s boyfriend, Demitri. (So you can use commas correctly!) Demitri was the oldest of their ‘group’ at age eighteen. Tison was seventeen and would turn eighteen in a few months. (At least there’s no statutory rape.) Evian was the youngest (oh no) and was only sixteen. (I was wrong about no statutory rape. So much for that. I’m pretty sure that the age of consent in France is fifteen. The author could have gone younger and didn’t. That makes it worse actually. Sorry.) Evian thought of Demitri as an older brother because he was around so much and cared a lot for both Tison and Evian. (There has to be a better way to word that. You think the author didn’t just post their first draft? Good point.)
Demitri had black hair with a blue tint to it. (Obviously he dyes his hair.) His hair was also short, cropped close to his ears (For a guy that’s actually kind of long. And you have an actual pony tail in your hair. Toche.) and curly. His eyes were a soft brown and held laughter in them. (What else can your eyes hold? Can they peel bananas for you? Oh, maybe they can hold your water for you.) They were an almond shape. (Holy shit, a short sentence.) His skin was pale and for some reason never tanned. (It’s not like people can lack the gene which allows for tanning or anything.) His frame was strong and he looked like he could take on anything that tried to hurt his Tison and little brother Evian. (So then why is their father still beating Evian at the least. I don’t think anyone’s hurting Tison. I don’t think Tison even exists, since we’ve yet to hear about him other than being Evian’s bro.) Demitri was a devoted man, always loving Tison and always trying to protect Evian from danger. (Show this, don’t tell it. But Leon, how else would the reader know how devoted and in love Demitri is? After all, readers are mindless sheep that need to be hand fed every little detail.) Tison never needed any protecting.
Tison was a well-built man. (What does that even mean?) His father never hurt him becuase his father always figured Evian would be straight and would carry on the family name.( You used a transitional word, so you need to use a comma. Is she afraid of them or something? She might actually use more commas than most bad fanfic writers. That doesn't help. Also, does France have any laws against gay marriage, or single parent adoption? Something tells me no. Then why can't Tison carry on the family name? And is the author really trying to rationalize an abusers motives? Something tells me the author is either a victim of abuse, since that's typical victim behaviour, or they're trying to sympathize with the abuser, which is not okay. My money's on victim though.) Tison was obviously gay. (What?) His light brown hair was long and in slight spikes. He wore eyeliner around his light amber colored eyes. The eyeliner brought out the amber and made in more of an intense color. His eyes were large and round almost to the point of having chiwawa eyes. His frame was small even though he was well built. (So did you mean that Tison looks like you'd expect someone to look if they were gay, thus it was obvious? Were you restating it for the readers and making fun of them for being dumb? Amber is not a natural eye color, at least, I'm pretty sure it's not, and I don't think eyeliner can do anything for eye color, but clearly I've got no clue what make-up is supposed to do. And what the hell does well-built even mean? Maybe it means he's muscular? Maybe? It seems more likely that the author means that Tison isn't twiggy, but he's not a body builder either. Why do you even care Because I like my characters to be described with precise language. This is, really bad and I'm pretty sure ignores basic human genetics.)
Evian was an odd kid. (You can say that agian.) His eyes were an intense green and his light brown hair went down to his neck and was soft looking (Which makes it an easy target for pulling.) and was soft looking. His skin was a soft ivory color, paler than Demitri. (I guess we now know that Demitri was fair and Evian was pure, clown make-up white.) His eyes were an almond shape and his face was delicate looking. (after a pause Leon asked Aren't you going to say anything about that? No. I've given up on this author. I never had any faith in her.) He was taller than Tison but not by much and probably wouldn't get taller. (Considering you didn't tell us how tall Tison was, we have less of an idea how tall Evian is. Also, why does height matter?) He had a tattoo of a snake going from his elbow to his wrist with the snake's head resting on the back of his hand. (And this tat will never be mentioned again! Also, I'm not clear on France laws, but I'm pretty sure Evian is too young to have a tattoo without parent signature, and his dad would never let him have one.)The snake was the same color as his eyes and had light brown rings on different parts of its body.(So the snake has ring worm?) Evian had slight musicals that were hardly noticeable. (How the hell is it possible to have unnoticed musicals? Maybe he's just singing to himself? Brilliant.)
Evian sighed and went back inside his room as it started to get cold. Night was upon them in their mansion in France. (They live in a french mansion? What does their dad do and how has the 'abuse' not been reported yet?) Evian and Tison's father was a millionaire and was in love with his money. (You can't just say he's a millionaire in love with money and expect us to follow along like sheep.) Evian and Tison were only half brothers, not knowing who their mother's were. They knew English, Japanese and French because their father did a lot of work with those counties. (One, those are countries, not counties. Two, a millionaire who's accepted two boys as his sons, but has slept with enough women to not involve the mothers? Nope! Three, Tri-lingual characters? Really?)Evian had a decent bedroom, not one of the largest but not small in anyone's standers. It was filled with kick-knacks and furniture Evian liked. Tison always said his bedroom was one of the nicest in the mansion. (Evian gets a nice room from abusive parent? That doesn't sound right. I think this author's one plus one equals five.)
Evian lay down on his soft bed from Portugal and slept peacefully in the rest of the night, ignoring the one tear that slipped past his eyes. (Oh boo-hoo, you sleep on soft, imported furniture. That must be so hard for you. Also, if you're crying before bed then you're not going to sleep peacefully.) Evian was upset that his father never really cared about him and only wanted someone to pass down the family fortune to. (Telling us your characters motives is really, really bad.)
Japan, in Evian's opinion was a busy place. He and his brother and Demitri were in Tokyo and damn, were it a busy city or what. (One, I think you meant was. Two, you just said the same thing twice. Are you writing for children? Of course she's not, there's gay stuff, and children can't handle dudes liking dudes! This was published in 2009, I don't think kids have an issue with gay stuff.) They were going to Higurashi Shrine to see what it was like. (Falling apart.) It sounded like a place that would be interesting and Evian wanted to see for himself why there was so much talk about the place. (I'm pretty sure that in cannon, the shrine is dying. Nobody visits anymore, and everything is crumbling. Nobody talks about it, and as far as the people are concerned, there's nothing special about Higurashi shrine.) The three companions had heard that the Shrine was some kind of portal or the like. (From who? The well being a TARDIS is the best kept secret of the entire series.) Of course, the group would be curious about it. (Well sure, if I heard that a Japanese shrine had an area that was conductive to time travel I'd want to go see it in action too, but in cannon no one knows because it sounds crazy.)
The Shrine was... old, nice, but so old. Evian never stopped smiling thought the tour of the Shrine. (Given my whom? Kagome? Her mother? Kagome's little brother? Her grandfather? The only reason I care is so that we can figure out where this falls in the timeline of the anime. Since it has Kouga I'd assume it's after episode 35, but how long after? Why do you remember which episode Kouga first appeared? Miroku and Kouga were my favorite two male characters and my favorite female character is Sango. I like to remember episodes where characters first appear because when I try to re-watch the anime, it's easier to get through by reminding myself that it won't be long before certain characters show up, or certain plot lines appear. I guess that makes sense.) It was beautiful and out of the way of the massive city. (Wrong. the Shrine looks to be near the center of the district it's in, which is pretty darn close to being in the city center.) Tison also enjoyed the Shrine. It had a large tree with sutras hanging around it. The tree, they were told, was ancient and sacred for it's old age. Evian had a leaf from the tree in his pocket that he got off the wind that swirled around them. (So what, you just pulled a leaf out of the air? Why? And how do you know that it came from the tree? Did it flutter down? She said that Evian plucked it off the wind. So then it probably didn't come from the tree! Why do you care? It's the principle of the matter!)
They went into the area that held the 'Bone Eaters' well. (Isn't that area particularly decrepit, thus closed off?) and It was died up (Really? Double check the spell check, and re-read your fucking first draft!) and there was solid ground on the botom. Demitri, Tison and Evian sat on the ledge that went over the well and formed a solid plat form for them. (Yes, lets get ready for a really bad accident to happen by sitting on a precarious ledge. Excellent!) There was a whispering voice near by that hissed softly before speaking in English to them. It said something along the lines of, (Oh no, it's a shitty prophesy! Run away! And why is it speaking in English? That's the last language it should be in if they're French and they're in Japan!)
The ones to go to the past have come to us
The next three have come
The four that will meet
The ones from the future
They are now to meet once and for all.
(Man, that really was a shitty prophesy. Yeah, and it was surprisingly short. And why is it always a whisper?)
A voice called out form nearby, starling the three companions. (Oh no, someone else is in the story!) Tison and Evian fell backards by default (So they fell to safety? It makes more sense for them to be facing into the well, rather than out of, and if something sounded from off screen, then it came from a direction they can't see, thus their backs should be to the entrance.) and Demitri, the ever-caring boyfriend (Please stop telling us), jumped in after them, if only to save them with his own life. (How are you going to do that if you're already dead, you chit!) Down the three fell in what felt like slow motion before they were surrounded by bright blue and pink lights. In fright, Evian hugged Tison to him as Demitri wrapped an arm around each of his boys, (Is this even physically possible?) in hope that if they were to fall that they would land on him and live to see another day.The impact with the ground was gentle and the three companions landed softly on their feet. (I'm pretty sure that even Kagome ended up on her knees upon landing, and there weren't any bones in the well when she landed the first time. How are you guys on your feet still? Your equilibrium would have at least made you wobble already!) Evian hugged his brother and Demitri close to him in fear of what had happened. (Oh god, we're not dead yet! Nooo!) Above them, instead of a roof was the clear blue sky. There were small clouds dispersed in different areas, making the sky look all the more beautiful.
After every one took calming breaths they parted each one looking the others over making sure that none of them had sustained any injuries. Demitri gave Tison a soft, caring kiss before kissing Evian's forehead in brotherly affection. (After surviving a life or death, more probably death, situation I think the three of you should bear hug, not kiss each other delicately. Also, Tison, why haven't you shown Evian any love yet? Where's the brotherly affection between the two biological brothers? My theory is that Tison is a Zombie, but is still lucid enough to not start eating people yet. You made a funny!) The three boys looked around for something to use as a climbing utensil. (Tool. Or you looked for something to climb with. A utensil is something you eat with, like forks, and your mama's- Ahem!) All around them were vines, going from the top of the well to the bottom. There were also thousands of bones, each more disgusting looking than the next. (Eww) Everyone took a gulp (Yes, gulp in the air filled with decaying bones. Seriously, how did none of you notice the stench of dead things before? Decaying anything makes a pretty bad smell.) before climbing out of the well via the vines.
The grass smelt sweet and was soft to the touch as well as a clear, sharp color that attracted the eye to it. (That's not how grass works.) The air was fresh, free of pollution that clouded the air back home. Birds sang their songs to others about peace and the love (You all just climbed out of a well that was previously filled with bones. You don't even know what kind of bones they were. Something tells me this isn't a very peaceful or loving world.) in the air. In all three minds one thing was clear, 'We're no longer in the world we used to know so well'. (That's a little too complex for all three to think of. I'm pretty sure Demitri was only thinking about what the perfect boyfriend would do right about now since he wants to be the most amazing for his brain dead boyfriend. I'm also pretty sure that Tison is incapable of thought.) There was a soft rustling coming from the woods, almost like something was there. (Naw, really?) Evian got closer to Demitri, looking for comfort and protection from what ever might be in the woods. (Most people hear bird song and a rustling in the bush and just think, nice, a bird in the bush. Not Evian, apparently. He hears bird song and rustling bushes and thinks, oh god save me. What a woobie!)
Demitri, who had also heard the sound, pulled both Tison and Evian closer to himself. (Excuse me? It's probably just a bird or something. Does Sammy really think all gay guys are terrified of nature or something.) If something were going to attack his future husband (Since when were you planning on marrying a dude? I'm pretty sure this universe hates gays, so there's no way you and Tison can get married. After all, it's not okay to be gay in France. The author is also choosing to ignore that it's even more deviant to be gay in Japan.) and little brother, they'd have to go through him first. (I'll go through him! I bet he can't even punch. Fuck this author.)
"Evian, Tison, should things start to go amiss, run. Get out of this area, find a safe place, a village perhaps, and just get away. I'll find you again should I live. If I don't find you with in a month, know that I love you both so much." (You know what I've just noticed? What? This is the first time anyone's said anything, and it's not even realistic dialogue. Seriously, no one in the modern era talks like that. Man, Tison still hasn't said anything. Yeah, it's dumb.)
Evian and Tison both whipped a tear away form their faces. (No, you can't flog or beat a tear away from your face. This author had access to google, why didn't she check she was using the right words?) Neither wanted to lose their brother in all but blood and lover.(Implied incest gets a plus one for the sin counter. How many sins have you tallied thus far? Too many to count. Maybe we should ask our overseers for some paper? No, then I'd actually need to keep track of the sins.) Tison buried his face in Dmitri's neck, trying to implant his sent (wrong word) in his mind forever should he have to run with Evian. (That's not how memories, or scents work you goof.) Evian took in a deep breath and tensed his mussels, (Again? Really? A clam isn't going to help you run you lazy sack of poop!) ready to run should they need to. More rustling came from the bushes. The three companions prayed for something good to come their way, rather than a fearful opponent. (I want it to be a bear. So that they can be mauled? No, so that something interesting can happen in this stupid story!) Suddenly, a small kitsune popped out from behind a bush. An audible sigh came from the three boys. (No. A kitsune is a trickster and will cause problems for you. No relief here!)
Both Evian and Tison relaxed a little, for surely the little kitsune was smarter than to attack something larger than itself. (Even though Demitri sighed in relief, I guess he's too busy trying to be perfect to relax. Why is Tison still dating this looser? And what a presumption to make. One, It's a kitsune, not a priest, a mythical creature pops up out of fucking nowhere and you're all like, whew close one. No! And Kitsune are known tricksters. It doesn't need to go head to head with you! It can go head to magic with you, and you're going to lose because you don't have magic you sack of wine!) Tison shook slightly from the adrenaline high he was slowly coming down from and Evian walked forward slightly and bent down so that he would be at least eye level with the small fox demon. (Oh no. Get ready to be dunked on.) Evian's curiosity shone clearly in his eyes. So they were back in the ancient times of Japan. (Um, how did you get that one?) Not a huge deal problem (Did you say the wrong word? No, the fic uses both words.) when it came down to what they would go up against later on, for he knew that there would be bigger and more dangerous demons coming after them. (Assumption alley today. Evian is great at jumping to conclusions, isn't he? And why would anyone come to the conclusion that they time traveled? You fell into a well and now your somewhere that's supposed to be pretty. It's called purgatory you dumb poop!)
The little fox demon look (wrong tense) at Evian in his own form of curiosity. Of course, Evian thought, The kitsune had never seen a person form the modern era wearing jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt and had a tattoo. (That's oddly specific. Maybe the Kitsune had seen one of them but not the others? Or maybe never in that combination? And why would you just assume that? You're dead. Whose not to say that modernly dressed people have been here.) Evian let the kitsune come closer and get a whiff of his sent, unlike any the fox demon had ever smelt. (How does Evian know that? All humans smell the same.) This was Japan after all and he had come over form France. (That's not how body chemistry works.) Evian smiled at the tiny kitsune and the kitusne responded with a small one of it's own. The sweet moment was ruined by an angry voice. (Oh yay, another character to butcher!)
"Shippo, where the hell are you?" (Does Inuyasha curse? Well he says damn. He probably wouldn't say something worse than that though. Good to know.)
"Over here Inuyasha, come meet these strange people!" (Um Shippo, you feeling okay there? That doesn't sound like you. What does he sound like? Well, Shippo probably wouldn't invite Inuyasha to come meet people.)
The sound of feet coming closer to them from the woods surrounded them. (Really? But it's only one person who called out? Why are they being surrounded?) Was the tiny kitsune 'Shippo' a decoy and now they were going to be hurt? (Oh no, pain! Not death, but pain!) Evian certainly hoped not. He didn't want to have to run from anything. (Well now's a hell of a time for you to grow some balls!) Slowly, a dog demon approached them. He wore a red kimono (It's not a kimono! Then what is it? A yukata. It's an under shirt with a "jacket" and pant set up over it. The jacket is comepletely removable with out effecting the pants. Therefore, it is probably a yukata.) and had long silver hair. He also had some sort of necklace around his neck. (It's called a rosary, and either the author is stupid, or Evian is.) Evian stood back up and backed away from the new demon slowly, so as not to startle the deadly thing. (How do you know Inuyasha is deadly? He could just be gruff, with a heart of pudding. What? Golden and sweet. Also wobbly and easy to pierce. Exactly!) How could Evian not see this coming? It was like touching a baby bear, momma bear was going to come kill you for touching her little cub. (Is something exciting about to happen now? Don't get your hopes up. This author wouldn't know excitement if it bit them on the butt. Fuck, you're right.)
"You just had to touch baby bear didn't cha'?" (Baby bear? More like baby fox, or puppy.) Demitri whispered in Evian's ear. Evian gave a small nod, showing he heard. (And unless Demitri knows Evian particularly well, which the author hasn't convinced me of, that nod should be taken as a acceptance of the statement. Yes, he did have to touch the baby animal who belongs to an angry mother.) God damn his stupidity. (The author would be great at riffing on this.)
"And who are you three?" Inuyasha asked. (Well that doesn't sound like Inuyasha. Oh? Inuyasha is the type to kill first, ask questions never. If Inuyasha feels like shippo's actually in danger he'll either not do anything because he hates shippo, or he'll step in because killing kids is wrong.)
Tison took over for his lover and younger brother, (Holy poop, Tison's about to talk!) "I am Tison and this is my little brother Evian and our close friend, Demitri, and you are the 'Inuyasha' that Shippo called out to?" (It's a little bland, but that's okay, more dialogue equals more character, right?)
Inuyasha gave a nod. (What? What do you mean, 'what?" I mean that Inuyasha doesn't seem like the talking type. What is he doing?) This was becoming weird (It was already pretty weird.) and Evian feared what would happen to them should this inu-yokai decide they should be his lunch (Inuyasha doesn't eat people, in fact, I'm pretty sure Inuyasha and the gang have never fought a demon who was planning on eating Kagome, or who had eaten any humans, really. Scratch that, technically the ink demon from episode seventeen or eighteen ate the artist using it, and Naraku started out as a human who was badly injured, and then sacrificed his body to a bunch of demons so that he would merge with them.) instead of innocent travelers form a different world unlike his own. (Oh my god, we're not children or sheep. Stop telling us that the main three of your story are from another time period.)
"What's that mark on Evian's arm?" (Finally, someone actually references the dumb thing!) Ah, so the demon wanted to know about the tattoo. (No, he wanted to know about you having sex with your brother's boyfriend.)
"It is a tattoo. (No shit.) I don't know how to describe it other than something like a burn mark. (Does the author think google is the devil or something? Tattoo's and burn marks are nothing alike. Tattoos are more like scars than anything else. And didn't the Japanese have some form of tattooing in the feudal era? I know that they have their own form of tattooing which is traditional to their culture, since most cultures do, but really? Do your homework!) If that is all, we will be going now." (Tison is really one note. I hope he dies in the next chapter. That's just how I am. If a character isn't really doing anything, they need to die or disappear.)
After that was said, the three boys turned and ran away fro the demons. (That wasn't the end of the conversation, but whatever. If you want to run, then go for it I guess.) They had been running for about five minutes (They've all got some pretty good running stamina for people who don't work out.) when Demitri tripped on a root and fell onto Tison, ("span class="dave">Ouch.) who reach out for something sturdy and end up pulling Evian down with him. (Sounds painful.) Three groans of pain sounded, then laughter insured. (Did we forget we were running away from demons? Big scary things with potentially sharp teeth and a liking for human flesh? Get up and start running again. Also, insured? Really? Not ensued?) Of course the three of them would fall down with each other. (Is this really and of course moment?) It was the typical thing from Demitri to trip on somehting and fall onto Tison, (span class="dave">Are we sure that Demitri is the perfect boyfriend? Sounds like he's a little abusive.) though normally Evian would stop and help them up rather than falling because of Tison. (Glad to know this happens often enough for Evian to usually be thoughtful.) Slowly, the three boys got up and off the hard ground. The rest of the day consisted of walking. (Because, I guess, they couldn't run anymore?) When they stopped there was a beautiful river with a waterfall coming over some rocks. (Who thinks it's beautiful, and why should we think it's so? More detail, please.)
Tison pushed in Evian, (Incest in the morning!) who went to get a drink of water. (What a dick. Why do Tison and Evian like each other?) When Evian surfaced both him and Tison where laughing. (Really? I'd be upset. Yeah, I would be too. This is bull shit.) Suddenly there was a howling sound, like a wolf that went hunting (Um, most people know what a howling wolf sounds like. You didn't need to mention the hunting part unless this is about to be some kind of creepy come on.) and a scared looking Tison pulled Evian out of the water. (I guess he's just a little bit of a dick.) Just as the three boys were running away, (How long does it take to pull someone out of the water, and why did Demitri wait if he didn't help?) Evian was tackled to the ground by something. (Yes... something.) Pain, that was the only thing Evian could feel. Something was broken and it hurt terribly so. (Who is this author trying to emulate? Oh no, I broke something and instead of screaming, I'm just going to be silent. Even people who try to be silent about that sort of thing whimper in pain.) Evian looked over his shoulder where the thing that tackled him rested on his back and there was a wolf demon.
The wolf youkai had soft blue eyes that screamed softness. (Dig your fingers into his soft eyes. They make for a great point of vulnerability and blinding your foe makes it easier to run away.) He had long black hair that was tied back (A place for you to pull, thus inflicting pain and possibly better able to get away.) and his skin had a deep tan. His ears were really pointy and he had some kind of fur on his shoulder. Evian shook in fear at the strong muscles (Finally, she used the right word!) holding him down. Evian closed his eyes, trying to prevent the tears of pain from rolling down his cheeks. (Um, really? Isn't crying a child's response to pain? Most people just curse or they scream/whimper. But I've never broken a bone before, so I wouldn't know.) Just had it become even harder to breath, the wolf demon was pulled off him (By whom?) and Evian was in the warm, safe arms of his brother. (Said brother also pushed him into a river.) Demitri was yelling at the wolf demon, (Idiot. You fight the demon, not yell at it.) which looked like a deer caught in the headlights. (Surprised Kouga is best Kouga!)
Would this day ever end? (Will this story ever end?)
"Congratulations," The voice in the ceiling announced, "You've finished the first chapter of the story. You will be rewarded!"
The food appeared out of no where and was placed perfectly on the coffee table. It astounded me and was, to my scientific knowledge, impossible. It looked like something straight out of Star Trek. One moment there was no food, and suddenly there the food was. The only thing missing was the loud sound effect of something appearing. Instead, the food made a sound reminiscent of someone popping their bubble gum.
On the table was a spread of muffins, bagels, and an assortment of doughnuts. However, as soon as Leon and I had noticed the doughnuts, the disappear with that popping sound again. I guess we didn't earn doughnuts with that reading. Sad face.
I chose an everything bagel and spread cream cheese on it, and Leon picked a raisin bran muffin. Good to know that my fellow captive likes one of the most boring muffins to exist in muffin history.