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fallimento // échec
If she was being brutally honest with herself, Lila expected a grade much lower than a 9. She supposed it was rather silly to feel proud of herself over that, especially as Mme. Bustier tapped her nails against the insuffisant that was written in red letters across the top of her exam, but even being one point away from a passable grade was the only thing keeping Lila from crying in frustration right in front of her teacher’s desk.
“Are you fluent in French, Lila?” Mme. Bustier asked.
Lila swallowed and waited a beat, a hesitation that always came before she dipped into French. “I can speak it pretty well,” she explained quietly. “And I understand all of it. It’s the reading and writing bit that I never got to practice much.”
“Your oral exam was wonderful,” Mme. Bustier explained. “And you follow along in class very well. But this didn’t seem like you didn’t study, dear. This seemed like you didn’t really understand the book very well.”
“It just takes me a long time to get through it all,” Lila admitted. “A lot of the words I don’t recognize and I have to always look them up. Even then, sometimes I only get the gist of what’s happening.”
“Have you tried reviewing with some of your other classmates?” Mme. Bustier recommended. “A lot of students tend to form small study groups to help them before exams.”
Lila bit down on the inside of her cheek and tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “I’m….not very close with anyone in class yet.”
Mme. Bustier picked up another pile of tests and flicked through the grades. “Well, if you’d like, I have a student in mind who’s doing rather well with the material who has tutored other students in the class. She’s a very sweet girl and I know she’d be able to help you catch up. I think you two would get along rather well.”
“I-It’s fine, madame,” Lila insisted. “I’ll just study harder next time. Start homework sooner.”
“Dear, I know this is frustrating. But I really do think you’d benefit from asking for someone else’s help. Just for a short while, and if it doesn’t help we can figure something out. This isn’t meant to punish you. It’s meant to help.”
Lila sighed and tried to ignore the ache in the back of her throat when she reached for her failed exam and stuffed it carelessly into her bag. “Alright. I’ll give it a try. Who’s the student?”
“Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Mme. Bustier smiled. “Our class representative if you remember. Give me just a moment and I can write down a quick study schedule for you both.”
errore // erreur
Lila never really saw the point in making friends.
Her father moved around with such frequency that they were only ever in cities for a handful of months before his job had them packing up and sending them off somewhere else unfamiliar. It got Lila used to never unpacking all of her boxes, never decorating her rooms, never bothering to memorize the streets around her neighborhoods, and never bothering to make close friends that she was only going to leave after a few short months. She’d made that mistake too many times already, and it was more effort getting used to the sting of losing your friends than electing to keep them at a respectable distance.
Of course that all changed when her father excitedly told her about a position he found in Paris that would be much more permanent than anything he’d found in the past. If all worked out well, they wouldn’t need to move for a very long while, and that opened up a prime opportunity for Lila to finally build something permanent.
She heard that the mayor’s daughter and the son of a very famous fashion designer would be in her class, and admittedly the desire to make new friends and fit in convinced her that it would be a good idea to pretend she was equally as well connected. It was almost too easy, lofty stories slipping off her tongue easier than she ever thought they would. But lies can only stretch so far before they snap. Lila just didn’t think that it would be Ladybug of all people to ruin that for her.
It wasn’t as if the class was angry with her. It was more a reluctance to interact with her past what was necessary and polite from a fellow classmate. No one sat next to her in class, no one invited her out to lunch, no one offered to study with her, and Lila wasn’t sure whether to be angry at herself for thinking lying would help or angry at Ladybug for toppling the popularity she’d managed to build up. She had no plans for fixing what was broken yet and had only been focusing on keeping her head down and doing well in her classes until she figured something out.
Figures that it would backfire marvellously in the form of her failing literature and needing the help of one of her classmates just to pass.
She only knew who Marinette was because she was often making announcements to the class, handing out surveys, and holding meetings to hear complaints from the class that she could bring to the principal. Pretty girl, very outspoken, always had a kind word to say to and about her classmates. She supposed it could be worse.
Lila rested her head on the kitchen table while she watched her father sign off on the study schedule that Mme. Bustier had given to Lila this morning. He reached over and patted her on the head. “Don’t worry, tesorina . You’re a smart girl. You’ll be able to pull your grades up no problem.”
She shielded her face with her arms and signed petulantly, not sure if it was worth telling him that all of this grade nonsense was only one of her problems.
promessa // promesse
Their schedule had them meeting after school three days a week until their next literature exam in a month and a half. Lila swapped out her books, trudged to the library, and found Marinette reserving an entire study table for them by the windows.
She had her earbuds in and was nodding along to her music while she sketched in her pink, monogrammed notebook, and it took Lila clearing her throat a couple of times and pulling out the chair next to her before Marinette sat up and pulled her music out. “Hey, you made it!” she exclaimed, reaching across the table and pulling their assigned novel in front of her.
Lila rested her bag on the table and pulled out her own novel and all of her notes. “Sorry I got held up,” she said. “I couldn’t find the library for a bit.”
“You’re fine,” Marinette smiled. “I was just killing time. Do you have all your things?”
“I just brought my book and my notes. Do I need anything else?”
“That’s enough. I don’t think we’ll need much anyway.” She reached down to where her bag was resting on the floor and shuffled through it until she pulled out her own notebook. “Do you want to just get started? If you need to run out and get a snack or coffee or something I can wait.”
Lila shook her head. “I’ll feel a lot better if we can just get this over with as soon as possible.”
Marinette nodded once. “Fair enough. You wanna start by going over your test first?”
Once Lila swallowed back the embarrassment of needing another classmate’s help with a subject she couldn’t pass on her own, Marinette was a rather pleasant teacher. They spent most of their time going through all of the incorrect answers on Lila’s exam and writing out a detailed correction sheet for her filled with notes on characters, major plot points, notable symbols, and recurring themes that Marinette promised her would be repeated on the next exam. Then Marinette dragged her chair closer, opened Lila’s book to the reading that was due tomorrow, and managed to help her get through half of it, circling words for her that Lila didn’t know the definitions to and teaching her how to mark up her book so that she could keep track of what was important. By the time an hour had gone by, Lila had four pages worth of notes and a pseudo vocabulary list of words that tripped Lila up.
“We’re not going to meet again until Friday, so see if you can finish the rest of the reading by yourself. If there’s a word you don’t know, write it down after you look it up. And always make a note next to the thing you underline so that you know why it’s important when you go back to study. You can bring your vocab list back Friday and I can quiz you on them before we try doing that day’s readings. Is that alright?”
Lila nodded as she finished writing down the end of her sentence. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”
“Great,” Marinette replied. “I think we only have two really short writing assignments coming up before the test aside from all the reading we have to do, but if you need help with the assignments just bring them to me and we can work on them together. You have any questions?”
“No questions, just….processing,” Lila sighed. “We went over a lot.”
“Yeah, I know,” Marinette winced apologetically. “Don’t try and retain it all right now. Take a break when you get home and come back to it. I think our block is up anyway.”
Lila blinked and looked over her shoulder at the clock hanging over the entrance of the library. “Wow, that went by quick.”
“I guess that’s a good thing,” Marinette chuckled. “Before you go, mind if I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“I know you tend not to sit next to anybody during any of the lessons, but would you mind if I sat next to you during literature? I can help you if you get lost, and you can take copies of my notes for the first couple of weeks if it’ll help you.”
Lila raised a brow. “You don’t mind?”
“Why would I mind? I’m offering.”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but no one’s really flocking to sit next to me or chat with me after class. It’s sort of been that way for the past two weeks. Don’t think I need to tell you why.”
“No, I noticed,” Marinette mumbled, looking down at her notebooks and suddenly looking discomforted for the first time since they sat down. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to everyone about that. It’s not fair to you.”
“It sucks, but I’d say it’s fair. Besides I don’t need you standing up for me. I’m fine.”
“You’re new,” Marinette said firmly. “No one should be avoiding you and making your time here uncomfortable. And it’s not like I’m treating this as a charity. It bothers me personally so I want to say something.”
Lila snorted. “That’s oddly noble of you.”
“Not noble. Just kind.”
“I sort of lost any right to kindness, don’t you think?”
“No I don’t,” Marinette countered. “I’m not going to sit here and coddle you and tell you that you didn’t do anything wrong. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be cruel to you. You’re not some criminal that needs to be punished.”
Well, that was certainly something about Marinette that Lila hadn’t been expecting. Lila noticed the way Marinette’s eyes hardened with earnesty and her body leaned in close to Lila as if to convince her that she wasn’t repulsed and that she was serious. It was strange that Marinette would care this much, but maybe this was just how the girl was and Lila was meant to get used to it. “You don’t have to get so uppity about it.”
Marinette swallowed and leaned back in her chair, noticing her position. “Sorry. It’s just….it’s been bothering me.”
Lila almost wanted to thank her simply because feeling sorry for her was much preferred than feeling apathetic towards her. But the point of these study sessions wasn’t so that Marinette and Lila could have a heart to heart. “Look. Can you promise me something? Can we just not talk about this while we’re studying? I kinda don’t want to have to think about it unless I have to.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Marinette apologized. “I just figured since I’m helping you, you should know. I’m doing this because I want to, not because madame forced me or because I feel bad. But I won’t bring it up anymore, I promise.”
“Thanks,” Lila sighed in relief. “And, yeah, I guess sitting together in class will help.”
“Perfect,” Marinette grinned. “Oh, make sure you take my number too! If you need help with homework, just text.”
After they swapped numbers, Lila pretended that she was going to stay for a couple more minutes to go over her notes so as to avoid the awkward and probably silent walk the two of them would make leaving the building together. Marinette wished her good luck on the homework before jogging down the steps to the library. While Lila slowly packed up the rest of her books, she chanced a look outside the window and saw that Marinette lived above the bakery across the street from the school. She smirked, remembering that the baguettes she’d bought from there on her first day in Paris was the only good memory she had of that day amidst all the homesickness and laborious unpacking.
Lila flung her back over her shoulder and checked her pockets for her bus money as she left the library. What a funny coincidence, she thought.
rivedere // réviser
“ Pourri….Marcio.” Rotten.
Lila flicked the index card by her feet and read the french word on the next one before pressing it to her chest. “ Étonant…..” She bit her lip and pressed a hand to her forehead. “ Sorprendente?” Surprising? She flipped the card and sighed in relief when she’d gotten it right.
She was laying in her bed in one of the bathing suits she’d bought when they moved back to Sicily a few months ago, mainly because it still smelled like sand and sea salt and she woke up missing the beach today. The space heater in her room was running full blast, and despite the fact that it dried up the air and made her room feel stuffy, but if she closed her eyes and pointed her desk lamp directly at her, it almost felt like she was sunbathing on the beach. Of course, the effect was ruined when Lila looked out the window and saw the overcast Parisian skies and the trees shaking with the chilly, autumn wind starting to roll in, but it was one of her better attempts at trying to mimic the warm, Southern weather she was used to.
“ Aveugle. Cieco.” Blind.
The homesickness hit her a little later than it usually did, but yesterday her grandmother had express shipped a small case of cannolis to their apartment in Paris along with a small box full of all her Italian dessert recipes, and Lila just started crying right in the middle of the kitchen hard enough for her father to pull her into his lap and try to calm her down. She felt silly about it afterwards, but in the moment it felt like her chest was about to burst with all the tears that felt like they weren’t pouring out quick enough. All she could think about was being able to walk just two blocks down to her grandmother’s house in Sicily, smell sardines cooking on the stove, and hear her singing old songs in beautiful Italian while she swept her terrace.
Lila had the ocean, had the sun constantly tanning her skin, had children running with water guns right outside her house, had gelato carts rolling along the beaches with bells attached to their carts. Now she came home from school feeling so tired because it felt like everything that felt inextricable from her was slowly being sapped out and physically slowing her down.
“ Veuve. Vedova .” Widow.
The worst part was that all the glossy photos that Lila had seen of Paris when she was younger that had then seemed so beautiful were now completely ruined. Everything hurt too much for her to appreciate it and it often felt like she was missing so many wonderful things that were slipping past her, just out of reach, too far away for her to grab and hold up close. Lila needed beautiful things right now. Needed to feel like even in a place so devoid of everything she loved, there were new things she could stuff into her heart to make it feel full.
And she was desperate for it. Especially now that it seemed farther away from her than it ever had before. Some days, she didn’t even blame Ladybug for anything — she mostly blamed herself for being stupid enough to think that beautiful things came to you with lies.
She just wanted to be able to stare at the Seine without wanting to scream. She wanted to be able to take the bus through Paris without wanting to scratch out the windows. She wanted to be able to comfortably say her French r’s without feeling like they were sticking to the back of her throat and making her choke.
Lila pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, counted to ten, and blinked away the pressure.
“ Prière. Preghiera.” Prayer
liberare // libérer
“Are you okay?”
Lila lazily lifted her head from her book and turned to Marinette who was sitting next to her and reading out loud. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbled. “What’s the matter?”
Marinette kept her brows furrowed at her for a few seconds before she tapped the words in the book that Lila had been trying to read for the past half hour. “You know that word,” Marinette stated. “We went over it last week and you’ve gotten it right after that. You’re circling it now.”
“I forgot it,” Lila shrugged, too lazy to copy the word over into a list of unknown words that just kept growing longer and longer, a testament to how far she still had to go to catch up to everyone else.
But the excuse didn’t seem to stick because Marinette pulled Lila’s list of words over and dragged the end of her pencil down the last few ones she’s written since they started studying that afternoon. “You know more than half of these I know you do,” she insisted. “You’re distracted, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter,” Lila sighed, dragging a hand down her face. “And even if something was, it’s none of your business.”
“If it’s getting in the way of you studying and getting better, then yeah, it is my business.”
Marinette admittedly didn’t deserve the glare that Lila sent her from the corner of her eyes, but to her credit Marinette didn’t flinch and waited for Lila to give her a more satisfying answer that unfortunately Lila wasn’t in the headspace to give.
They’d been studying together for a little over a week and so far it was perfectly seamless. They kept up their meetings in the library after school and Marinette was pretty good about only discussing homework when they sat together. She interrupted only when she was explaining a word to Lila or correcting her about a plot point in their book. While sitting together in literature class turned a few heads the first day, it became a new normal for Lila as well. Marinette took ridiculously detailed notes that Lila was thankful to have access to, and it was nice to have someone she could discreetly whisper to in the middle of class when she needed clarification on something their teacher said without getting lost. It was familiar without it being personal, and Lila was surprised to find that following along in their book was getting just a little bit easier.
But so far Lila was taking this tutoring as a necessary evil and not an opportunity for making friends, which is why she tended to subtly steer conversations in different directions when Marinette asked how her weekend was or asked her what she thought of their difficult math lecture earlier that morning. It was just easier to separate the two, and a part of Lila really just wanted to get her grades up before she started pulling her hair out over friends.
It seemed like her homesickness was a flu that was making her more depressed and more irritable and a part of her really wanted to just scream about it but Marinette didn’t need to know what was festering inside of her and she was going to keep it that way. So she shut her book and turned her chair towards Marinette. “No, it’s still none of your business. You’re not privy to what’s going on in my life. We study together. That’s it.”
“You don’t have to pour your heart out to me,” Marinette said. “But it’s obvious you’re upset and it’s obvious you’re not really focused on working at the moment. So if something’s the matter — if you want to talk or you want to just stop for the day — you can tell me.”
Lila pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her arms. “I’m fine,” she said, her voice choking up with the weight of her annoyance. “It’s nothing.”
Marinette sighed as she reached over and shut all of Lila’s books. “You’re not fine. Come on. Tell me what’s up. Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t help, Marinette!” Lila snapped in frustration. “I’m serious. Just leave it alone. Just give me a minute I-I….I’m tired. Okay? I have a lot going on, that’s it.”
“I mean, I figured as much,” Marinette frowned. “You look like you’re about to scream.”
“I’m going to scream if you keep pushing….”
“I’m not pushing! I just want to know—”
“ Cazzo , what do you want to know!?” Lila hissed, all of her words spilling out in Italian and shocking Marinette back until she was pressed against the back of her seat. “That it feels like the longer I’m in this stupid city the more I hate it? That I can’t stand the weather or the people or where I live or this stupid school full of people who won’t even talk to me anymore because they think I’m some kind of selfish brat? That I just wanna be back where my family is and where my old friends are and where everything is familiar and not some huge, lurking thing to get used to?”
She reached forward and picked up their novel, waving it angrily in between them. “And I’m tired of reading this stupid book! I’m tired of feeling like an idiot because this isn’t my first language and it takes me longer to catch up. I don’t care about French and I don’t care about understanding everything I just want to fucking go home!”
Her voice had gotten loud enough for the librarian to come over and scold them, but Marinette had quietly promised them that they wouldn’t be any more trouble while Lila pressed her face into her hands and pushed her hair away from her face. She wished the floor would just swallow her whole, and she was barely paying attention to Marinette packing up both of their books and slinging both of their bags over her shoulders. Marinette tapped Lila on the shoulder and yanked on her hand. “Come on.”
Lila snatched her hand back. “Stop it. Please stop it.”
“No, you’re coming with me,” Marinette instructed. “Come on. Get up. We’re done for the day.”
She wanted to tell Marinette to buzz off, but it didn’t look like Marinette was a person to be crossed when she was staring at people with eyes that told everyone she wasn’t taking no for an answer. It wasn’t as if staying in the library was any more appealing, so Lila rolled her eyes and got up from her seat, following Marinette out of the library and back towards their locker rooms on the bottom floor. Marinette stopped them at her locker, looked through her books on the top shelf and pulled out an unopened water bottle that she pressed into Lila’s hands. “Here, sit down and drink.”
“I’m not thirsty,” Lila mumbled.
“Don’t care,” Marinette shrugged. “Sit down and drink at least half of it.”
Too tired to argue, Lila relented and sat down on the floor of the locker room right in front of Marinette who sat cross legged on the floor as well. Lila took her time downing the water bottle and pressing her head back against the locker she was leaning against while Marinette patiently sat with her and waited until her expression smoothed out and she had a moment to herself to breathe and clear her head. They sat like that together for about fifteen minutes before Lila handed off the empty water bottle to Marinette and pulled her hair back into a ponytail so it was out of her face and allowed her to feel fresh faced and clear headed.
“Better?”
Lila nodded. “Yeah.”
Marinette smirked. “Felt good to yell, huh?”
Lila laughed. “I guess so. Yeah.” She dropped her hands in her lap and cleared her throat. “Did you catch any of that ranting earlier, or….?”
“Sorry, don’t know a lick of Italian,” Marinette chuckled. “But judging from the fact that you’re struggling with the language, just moved here, and haven’t really made friends yet….I can guess why you look so miserable. But if I’m wrong, then forget what I said.”
“No, no,” Lila said. “That’s….pretty much right.”
Marinette wrinkled her nose. “I know it’s not really going to help, and I can’t say I totally understand what you’re going through. But I’m sorry. And if you want to really talk about it — you know, not just scream in my face in Italian? I’m always here.”
“I don’t need friends to come and coddle me over this,” Lila replied.
“And that’s fine. I’ll just be your tutor and we don’t ever have to be more than that. But if you want a friendship and you want someone to complain to, you can always have it with me. I promise I won’t bite.”
Lila snorted. “I guess that’s comforting.”
“Get home and rest a little bit,” Marinette suggested. “Nap before you start your work up again. If you do that for me, we’re cool.”
“Are you going to check in on me or something?”
“I have your number so Facetime is a thing. I’ll totally bug you to make sure you’re in bed napping, but I was hoping we could just work on the honor system here.”
It was such a silly response that it left Lila smiling harder than she remembered doing in weeks. And that was a silly almost horrifying realization to come to, and it wasn’t until just then that she realizes how awful it was to just move through her routine of school, home, homework, and sleep without anyone else there to ease the mundanity and unfamiliarity for her. Marinette was brilliant and sweet, but she was also stubborn and pushy and not one easily crossed. Not the type of person that Lila thought she’d get close to during her first few months here at school, but she supposed it wasn’t the worst she could do.
Besides, Marinette had matched her own smile, and just being able to sit there in that locker room after school with the both of them grinning up their ears helped alleviate some of the aching in her chest that had been paining her for days.
visitare // visiter
A few days later, a student two classrooms down was akumatized right after the lunch pause.
It pretty much destroyed the library and the entire courtyard near the entrance of the school, but Ladybug’s magic had at the very least restored everything to its original splendor once the fight was over.
Lila had heard stories of Papillon, Chat Noir, and Ladybug and had seen akumas in the news before coming to this city. At the time it had seemed like such a terrible and horrifying reality for the citizens of Paris, but strangely enough it was the first thing that Lila had become accustomed to. This was the fourth akuma attack she’d seen, not counting the attack where she’d been the victim herself. A lot of her classmates had been akumatized as well, and it was treated as an unconventional but normal reality for all of them now. Lila merely stayed holed up in one of the physics rooms and watched the news on her phone until it was over.
But when Lila had started to head to her next class, Marinette had found her in the hallway and gently took her elbow.
“School’s always cancelled after akuma attacks happen inside,” Marinette explained.
“But everything’s been fixed.”
“They still close the school earlier. I guess just to give everyone a break after all the excitement? But yeah, we’re probably not going to be able to use the library today to study.”
“We have a writing assignment due tomorrow,” Lila said worriedly. “I still need help with it and I’m afraid to turn it in without you looking at it.”
“Don’t worry, I know,” Marinette soothed. “I figured if you’re willing to hang around for a bit you could just come and study at my house if that’s alright with you? I’m just across the street. My parents should still be in the bakery working, so we’ll have plenty of peace and quiet.”
Lila blinked, not expecting the sudden friendly gesture. “Oh. Um. Yeah, so long as it’s okay.”
“It’s not a huge deal,” Marinette shrugged. “My parents won’t mind.”
Marinette’s apartment smelled like bread and the fresh linens that were still folded in a basket on the floor by the couch. It was small, but it looked lived in — bottles of spices were still on the counter and not put away, the dishes from breakfast weren’t done, and the refrigerator was covered in notes, reminders, notices from school, and a couple of très bien ’s Marinette had gotten from school. She could just barely see photos of Marinette as a toddler, family vacations, and reunions were dotted about the apartment and it made Lila smile despite the small flit of nostalgia she got when she realized her house in Sicily used to look like this too.
When they went up to Marinette’s room, Lila realized that it was a completely different monster — it was like a quick preview of Marinette that Lila hadn’t been privy to before. There were dressforms, half-made dresses draped over her chaise, and a sewing machine sitting on her desk, meaning she probably did a lot of sewing and designing. Her walls were covered in design sketches, tear outs from fashion magazines, and photos of her friends from school. Her desk was cluttered with cork boards, small drawers, mason jars filled with pencils and charcoals, and about five mugs of cooled tea and coffee that she hadn’t bothered to take downstairs.
Marinette cleared all the fabric and clothes from her chaise and dumped them all on her desk chair. “Sorry about the mess. I never got a chance to clean it this morning. You can sit on the chaise. Oh, and feel free to throw your jacket on my bed.”
Lila sat cross legged on the chaise and shook her head. “No thanks, I’ll keep it on. It’s a little chilly in here.”
“Chilly? It’s only seven degrees out.”
“Well, that’s the dead of winter where I’m from.”
“Oh sweetie,” Marinette chuckled. “This is nothing. It drops down to zero in the wintertime. Sometimes lower than that.”
“Are you serious?” Lila exclaimed.
Marinette sat down in front of her and brought over her own bag. “Where are you from again?”
“Sicily,” Lila grumbled. “And I’ve lived in Spain, Portugal, and Greece. It was never that cold there.”
“That’s because you probably lived in the Southern parts of all those countries. Is this the first time you’ve been this up North before? You know it snows here, right?”
“Don’t remind me.”
Marinette frowned and leaned back behind her chaise and plugged something into the wall. “I mean, I can turn on the space heater for a bit if it’ll make you feel better. Not for too long, otherwise I’m going to start sweating to death.”
“Your room is freakin’ cold Marinette, are you insane?”
“You’re going to get throttled by the weather when it starts to really get cold out. Please tell me you have a jacket thicker than that.”
Lila pouted. “What’s wrong with the one I’m wearing?”
“It’s not thick enough. You need warmer autumn jackets and proper winter jackets. Boots, thermals, tights, hats, gloves, and scarves.”
She groaned and leaned back against Marinette’s pillows. “This country is an oppressive tundra,” she muttered in Italian.
Marinette snorted and looked around her room. “Alright, how about this. Let’s start with a hat and a scarf, huh? Do you like orange?”
“Wait, what?”
“I’ve been starting to crochet stuff for the winter. Leg warmers, scarves, hats, and other things like that. My aunt dumped some orange wool on me that I used to make a scarf and a hat, but none of my friends like orange so I’ve just held onto them.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
Marinette looked back at her and rolled her eyes. “Do you want them?”
“You’re giving them to me?”
“I mean, you’re still in your jacket and I have the heat running even though it hasn’t even hit five degrees. That’s possibly the most pitiful thing I’ve ever seen, how could I not give them to you?”
“Oh shut up! At least I wouldn’t sunburn beyond recognition if I spent two minutes back where I’m from.”
Marinette winced as she looked through the drawers in her desk. “I bet you’d get some sick pleasure from that, wouldn’t you?”
“It would fill me with unimaginable joy.”
“Maybe when we’re done I’ll show you pictures of the time we went to Southern France for a vacation to all the really warm beaches. I forgot my sunscreen and came home looking like a tomato. After that I hated the summer and any warm weather.”
“That’s disgusting. People die in the cold.”
“People die in the heat!”
“It’s easier to die in the cold, I’m sure there’s research that says that.”
“Oh just hush up and take your scarf and your hat.”
Lila stuck out her tongue, but held her arms out and accepted the matching beanie and scarf that were thrown at her. They felt ridiculously warm, and wool was a beautiful burnt sienna that reminded Lila of a warm sunset. She flipped the beanie inside out and observed the stitches. “You made this yourself?”
“Mmhm. Crocheting was the first thing I learned how to do before my mom taught me how to use the sewing machine.”
“You sure I can have them?”
“I insist you have it,” Marinette replied. “I crochet mostly because it’s relaxing, and I wind up with all of these projects I never wear. You’re doing me a favor, don’t worry. Hopefully that’ll keep you warm in this freezing weather.”
“Thank you. And bite me.”
“You’re welcome. And rude. Feel like starting our homework yet?”
Lila shut her eyes and winced. “Is it obvious I’m avoiding it?”
“It only has to be a page,” Marinette soothed, patting Lila on the head that felt incredibly friendly but not altogether unpleasant. “It’s not that bad. I’ll help you.”
Two hours later they were surrounded by all of their literature books, arguing over their annotated copies of the books, and crumpling up drafts of their assignments and throwing them around the room while they tried to reach the word count. Because Lila refused to stay if Marinette turned off the space heater, Marinette wound up loudly complaining as she changed into a tanktop and an old pair of shorts and begging to leave at least one window open a crack while Lila hummed happily as she worked. She recognized that Marinette could’ve easily shut the thing off for the sake of her own comfort — this was her room after all — but Marinette had said something about not wanting Lila to freeze her precious little toes off and left it at that. It was a miniscule gesture in the grand scheme of things, but Lila appreciated it. Besides, she was sure the scarf Marinette had given her would come in handy when it started raining tomorrow.
That kind of thoughtfulness was added onto the ever increasing list of things Lila was learning about Marinette now that she was getting to spend the afternoon with her in her natural habitat. She was funny , and their strange habit of picking fun at each other was ridiculously fun to fall into and often left one of them laughing so hard they accidentally knocked books and binders to the ground. She also had this terrible habit of fidgeting while she studied and she needed to always be clicking a pen or rolling an eraser in between her hands to get her to concentrate long enough to get some actual work done. When she offered to go downstairs to make them fresh coffee, Lila found out she dumped a ridiculous amount of sugar inside and also that she painted all of her mugs herself one afternoon when she was grounded. It sharpened the edges of this blurry and tentative impression that Lila had of Marinette this entire time, and by the time they both successfully finished their assignments, Lila actually found herself getting disappointed at the thought of going home.
“You didn’t do that bad!” Marinette encouraged when she read Lila’s assignment over. “Just a few grammar things and word choice issues, but everything else was so great.”
“I don’t feel like I’m getting better yet,” she frowned. “You helped me with it a lot.”
“I’ve only been helping you for about two weeks. Besides, you’ve improved plenty. You’re understanding a lot more of the book now then you did before. That’s improvement.”
“It doesn’t feel quick enough,” Lila complained. “Our next test is coming up and I really want to do well on it.”
Marinette reached over and tapped Lila on the side of the nose until she was looking up at her. “You’re going to do well,” she said, sounding staunch and determined. “You’re really smart, and you try hard. You’ve got time to get your grades up.”
“I hope you’re right,” she frowned.
“I have faith in you,” Marinette smiled.
By the time Lila had to go back home, Marinette had somehow convinced her into taking home a free sample of some of their best pastries in the bakery downstairs along with a small tin of the coffee she’d served Lila that she’d found so delicious. She wasn’t sure if Marinette realized the significance of essentially sending Lila back home with a care package filled with homemade gifts, but Lila still appreciated how pleasant it felt to finally have someone from this new city think of her in such a way. She’d have to think of a way to pay her back for it all somehow.
Perhaps she’d be interested in taking a peek at her grandmother’s recipe box. There were some good Italian sweets that she might be interested in trying out.
spostare // déplacer
lila: i failed
marinette: you didnt fail. pay attention
lila: im p sure i failed
marinette: there is no proof of that. i quizzed you the nite before myself. you did fine
lila: i forgot to include the weather symbolism. im screwed
marinette: you didn’t have to mention that shush and pay attention
lila: marinette i FAILED
Marinette subtly smacked Lila’s knee under the desk and gave her an exasperated look before pointing at Lila’s notebook. “Stop stressing,” she whispered, using the person sitting in front of them as a cover. “Just pay attention to the lesson and whatever happens happens.”
“I can’t,” Lila frowned. “It’s been bothering me all week.”
“There are going to be two more tests this year. Even if you did do badly you have other chances to do better and you can make it up then.”
“Oh great!” Lila said, giving a pained smile. “A bigger target for me to miss.”
Marinette rolled her eyes and pushed Lila’s notebook against her hand while she typed out another text from her lap.
marinette: so you have it in writing: i swear on my sewing machine that you did well on this exam and that you will continue to do well in the rest of the class. screenshot for your reference
lila: thats like swearing on the bible for u
marinette: exactly. so shut up
Lila let out a small whine and dropped her head on her desk, not caring much about taking notes or paying attention when they were only ten minutes away from getting their grades back from their latest exam and finding out whether Lila was doomed in this class. Mme. Bustier had set a goal of an 11 on this exam so that she’d at least have a passable grade that she wouldn’t be embarrassed to show her father. The logical part of her mind was telling her that everything was probably fine. Marinette had spent close to a week helping Lila prepare for it — testing Lila on her vocab, practicing her writing, practicing her oral, and quizzing her on every conceivable portion of their novel that they could think of. But Lila wanted to stop feeling like a stranger in this new place she was meant to call home, and part of that involved being able to do well in her classes because she actually had a good enough handle on the language to be able to hold herself up.
She wasn’t usually this anxious about grades, and the way her stomach was twisting around in her gut was making her want to crawl under her desk, but Marinette was rubbing comforting circles against her back and quietly trying to give her all the reassurances she needed.
That was new for them. Ever since that first afternoon they spent studying at Marinette’s house, something had shifted and grown between them. They stopped spending time at the library and started the routine of going to Marinette’s house after school instead. The two of them sitting a foot apart on the chaise had now turned into the two of them lazily laying out on Marinette’s carpet or on Marinette’s bed while they played music, took snack breaks down at the bakery, and spent their downtime laughing and talking. Marinette loved talking about her designing, Lila loved talking about all the places she lived before, and the both of them always had conversations that kept Lila at Marinette’s house for hours. They even extended their tutoring sessions to include doing the rest of their homework together, and Lila enjoyed the fact that she was just a little bit better at maths than Marinette was.
Texting in and outside of class became a common occurrence too, and it wasn’t a full day until Marinette sent Lila links to possible pairs of real snow boots — “no, you cannot wear suede in the snow and those boots will not keep your feet warm, we talked about this Lila” — and until Lila sent Marinette entire photo albums of Sicilian fashion as inspiration for all of the clothes she was starting to make in preparation for when the summer finally came. Lila couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever stayed up until three in the morning texting someone about nonsense and been happy to lose the sleep the next morning.
Lila wasn’t an expert on friendship, but she figured that once you laid your head in another person’s lap during a study session, laughed at their music collection, and shared private jokes over text late at night, you sort of had to assume the label. They’d never expressly spoken about it, but Lila found that the two of them didn’t need to. Sometimes you could look at a person and just know from the feel of their touches and the sincerity of their eyes that you were both on the same page, and hanging out with Marinette never needed any clarifications.
And perhaps that was another reason that Lila was gripping the edges of her desk nervously as Mme. Bustier announced how the class did on the test as a whole. She didn’t want all this studying and closeness to all be a waste because Lila hadn’t improved on her schoolwork like she wanted to. She had a feeling Marinette wouldn’t be angry or annoyed with her even if she did do poorly, but there was a still this feeling that she’d disappoint her if she didn’t perform a certain way. Because, as much as Lila wouldn’t have admitted this a few weeks ago, she was incredibly grateful. School wasn’t terrifying, waking up in the mornings wasn’t exhausting, and staring out her window at the Parisian cityscape no longer made her feel like she was trapped in a strange world she’d never grow to love. Marinette deserved to have some of that kindness handed back to her.
The moment Mme. Bustier left Lila’s exam face down on her desk, she snatched it up and pressed it to her chest, counting down the moment before she flipped it over. “I don’t want to look at it.”
Marinette quickly stared at her own grade, set her exam aside, and reached out for Lila’s hand. “Here. Squeeze as hard as you can. And count down from five.”
“Count down with me.”
Marinette laughed, but counted down with Lila until she flipped over the paper and quickly searched the top of the page for her grade. Once she found it, she gripped the sides of the paper hard and felt her smile stretch wide enough for her cheeks to hurt. Marinette squealed and covered her mouth with her hands while Lila started laughing in complete disbelief. It was a 13.
“ Grazie dio!” Lila exclaimed in relief as she leaned over the back of her chair with her arms above her head while Mme. Bustier smiled at her and offered her a quick congratulations. “Oh man, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”
Marinette wrapped both of her arms around Lila and rested her cheek on her shoulder while they both flipped through her exam. “I told you you’d do well on it!” she gushed. “This is so great, I’m so happy for you!”
“I got some questions completely right,” Lila gasped. “Like some of them were completely right, I can’t even believe this.”
Marinette sat there laughing at Lila’s complete delighted confusion over her test and couldn’t help but laugh as she said, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Please,” Lila said with an eye roll. “There was no way I could’ve done this without you helping me.”
“So? You sat for that test all by yourself, and you did a hell of a lot better than you did before we started studying together. You deserve that grade.”
“I’m not going to pretend you weren’t a huge help,” Lila pointed out. “I’d have failed this without your helping me.”
“Nope, don’t you do that,” Marinette announced haughtily, pulling Lila’s chair around so that it was facing her while Lila tried her hardest not to laugh at the antics. “Listen to me, you foolish coldphobic girl.”
“That’s still not funny. Especially when you’re heatphobic.”
“That is not even true, and you’re distracting me from my point,” Marinette teased, flicking Lila on the nose. “I just mean that….I’m glad I could help you, but I still say this was mostly you. Considering everything you’ve had to get used to — the move, the new city, the new language, everything — that’s enough to make anyone stress out enough to not do well in school. You’re really smart and you work so hard to do well, so be proud of yourself and let me be proud of you, okay?”
It was said so sweetly and with a such a pure and honest smile that Lila’s chest started to grow warm and spread down her arms and all the way to her fingertips. Her smile felt too big and she knew that all the giddy energy in her body was leaking out onto the expression on her face, but she didn’t quite care. Working for weeks and getting to spend time with Marinette all led up to this and she suddenly felt like running outside in the frigid weather and letting her nose freeze off just to burn off all the excited energy. She settled with dipping her head and peeking up at Marinette from underneath her lashes. “I….thank you. Seriously, thank you.”
Marinette grinned and nodded. “Anytime. You know I’ll always be here to help you study.”
“No but not just that,” Lila insisted. “The homesickness felt so terrible when I first got here and now it doesn’t feel quite so awful when you have someone to hang out with who has your back. So just...thank you. For everything.”
Marinette gave her another one of her sunny smiles and reached down to squeeze Lila’s hands again. “No problem.”
And right there, in the middle of their literature class, in the midst of the entire class gossiping about their grades, Lila felt something else move in between them. She felt another shift.
amore // amour
Lila fell for people very easily.
She still remembered being six years old, receiving a flower from the boy next door, and knowing in the span of five seconds that she wanted to marry him. Oh, and she’d been heartbroken when he’d moved away and left her feeling like a jilted lover when she was barely old enough to pass her father’s waist. But she still remembered it as one of her first loves and always held onto that memory as a humorous reminder of all the people who’ve touched her and given her a vital piece of themselves that she slowly absorbed into herself and cherished.
Once she and her father started moving around, her brief moments of romance were always ones she kept to herself — fleeting, passionate feelings that overcame her thoughts at night but ones that she was smart enough to know wouldn’t amount to anything. It didn’t matter to her much at the time since it often felt like having a precious secret that was powerful simply because it only belonged to her.
Her love for the beautiful girl who sat next to her in school while she lived in Portugal — the one with the dark hair, the light eyes, smelled like a different perfume every day, and had such a sweet, sweet voice — felt strong and lasting even though Lila only ever got to share a couple of kisses with her before she moved away again. The same could be said for the boy who sold jewelry at the store across from her apartment in Spain — with his wide, crooked smile, the earrings he wore everyday, and his beautiful guitar playing late in the evenings before the store closed — even though he only ever got the courage to speak with her the day before she was set to leave again.
It was all fine, because Lila knew not to make friends and knew not to get attached. Acquaintances and brief loves were all that Lila knew and she loved counting them all on her fingers before she went to bed. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for her because there was no other way to keep her heart intact.
Marinette made falling for her ridiculously easy. She was gorgeous, and Lila had said that about her the moment she laid on her eyes on her despite her reservations about the two of them getting too close. But she was a girl that was filled to the brim with that sort of everyday beauty that you missed if you blinked too quickly and didn’t stop to stare. Pretty soon, every little thing she did enchanted Lila — the fact that she only wrote with blue pens, that she spoke with her hands and often too loudly, that she’d rather die than drink her coffee black, that she wanted to be a designer when she was older, that she was also scared of being alone and ached at the thought of Lila enduring the same.
And that was really what was so special about Marinette — that her kindness was deep and enduring, carved into marble and preserved for years so that Lila would never stand to forget it. Suddenly, it was as if everything that had injured her when she first came to school had been swept away in favor of every second Marinette spent smiling at her, staring at her, making silly pinky promises, and being close enough for Lila to feel safe and wanted. The best part was that none of that ever had to go away. Lila wasn’t going anywhere — wasn’t moving to a new country to meet new people and new places and find a way to slot herself into that strangeness all over again. Lila would keep waking up and Marinette would keep being there. They had all the time in the world with each other, and suddenly Lila felt herself wanting more.
Then, everything came crashing down and collapsing into a single point, an enduring thought, an impossible question with an unreachable answer.
Did Marinette ever find herself in a position where she stared at Lila, felt her whole body light up, and wonder if they could also be more?
bacio // baiser
“Alright, what about meravigliosa?”
Marinette bit her lip, laying out on her floor on her back with her feet in the air. “Ummmm…. is it merveilleux maybe? Marvellous?”
“Not bad! Good job.”
“Yay!” Marinette leaned her head back and opened her mouth. “Chip me.”
Lila leaned over the edge of the chaise she was sitting on and carefully dropped a chocolate chip from the bag she was holding right into Marinette’s mouth as a reward. “We’re gonna get sick eating all of these.”
“Chocolate helps prevent heart attacks you know.”
“In moderation, you maniac. What about estate ?”
Marinette winced. “Oh, crap. Um. État? Like the condition of something?”
Lila winced and popped a chocolate chip into her mouth. “Close. Éte . Summer.”
“What?” Marinette frowned. “That makes no sense. I’m pretty sure that means a third separate thing in English too. Like a bunch of land or something.”
“Oh that’s a good one! Terra .”
“Wait, isn’t that just terre ? Land?”
Lila smiled and dropped another chocolate chip into Marinette’s mouth. “Yup. Nice job!”
“Huh,” Marinette said with her mouthful. “You weren’t kidding when you said parts of the languages were similar.”
“Spanish is more more intuitive if you know Italian though. Being in Spain was a breeze. French sort of gets away with it until you start coming up with words that have seven vowels and only one syllable.”
“At least our grammar is similar and pretty simple,” Marinette pointed out. “You ever try to make sense of Chinese grammar? It’s such a learning curve.”
Lila raised a brow. “Wow, you know Chinese?”
“Eehhh,” Marinette winced. “Know is a strong word. I’m learning. It’s slow going but I’m optimistic.”
“I know four languages, my dear. It’s possible. Just have to study up and practice.”
“Wait until you see my Chinese flashcards you’ll change your mind about it.”
Lila laughed. “Alright, how about this? When we have a break, I’ll help you study your Chinese flashcards and reward you with sweets whenever you get words right. Sound fun?”
Marinette smiled and laced her hands together under her chin. “My angel.”
“Ah, another good one. Paradiso .”
“ Paradis! ” Marinette said. “Paradise!”
“Ladies and gentleman, Marinette Dupain-Cheng knows Italian.”
“Barely,” Marinette snorted. “For every pair of words that are practically identical, there is another pair that looks nothing alike. I’m still not over this summer thing.”
“Welcome to the pain that was literally my entire semester in French literature.”
Marinette reached over and yanked on the end of Lila’s hair until she collapsed on the floor next to her in a pile of pillows and blankets. They had the day off for a long weekend and Lila decided to come over to Marinette’s house and surprise her so that she wouldn’t have to spend the entire day in her room on the Internet all day. Luckily Marinette had excitedly said that she was thinking of calling a friend for a sleepover if they were interested, so Lila was quick to pack an overnight bag, kiss her father goodbye, and bring some treats to Marinette’s house while they spent the afternoon camped out in her room. She’d been chatting with her father over the phone in Italian at one point and Marinette had excitedly proclaimed that she was pretty sure she understood at least ten percent of what Lila had said, hence their little game that had currently been going on for the past hour.
“Wanna hear something crazy I just realized?” Lila said, now that she was laid out on the floor right next to Marinette. “I think this is the first sleepover I’ve had in years.”
Marinette turned her head. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah, it was when I was still in Portugal,” Lila explained. “I was like twelve I think? It was my last week in the country and I slept over at my friend Alda’s house. And that was my last sleepover.”
“What did you do?” Marinette grinned. “Anything you haven’t crossed off your bucket list yet?”
Lila chuckled, “Oh it wasn’t anything too crazy. We stayed in her living room and brought all of her bedsheets down so that we could build forts in the living room. She had a pear tree in her backyard so she just brought a basket of them inside with us and we ate them while we watched movies. But then once we ran out she went and bought hard candies from the store down the street and we ate them until we felt sick. It was hilarious because we were just laid out against our pillows and couldn’t move an inch.”
“Yup, that sounds like a sleepover alright,” Marinette laughed. “Her name was Alda? Do you guys still talk?”
“Nah,” Lila said, looking down at her nails. “I’d lost her number at some point and my letters always got returned. I still say it’s not a big deal, but I guess now that I think about it it’s a little sad. I really liked her.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Lila smiled. “She sat next to me in class and always braided my hair during lunch when we ate together. She was a delight.”
Marinette paused for a long moment and Lila didn’t realize she had chosen to stay silent until she turned her head and saw Marinette giving her a knowing smile. “How much did you really like her?”
Lila rubbed her neck and started fiddling with the ends of her hair. “Actually, she was, uh….she was my first kiss. Happened at that sleepover.”
Suddenly, Marinette’s gaze grew softer and she shuffled closer to her. “Oh wow.”
“Yeah, it was really late, past when we were supposed to go to sleep. And it sort of happened really suddenly, like….like she’d been thinking really hard about it and just decided to do it out of nowhere. She finished her thought, stopped for a moment, and just leaned over to do it. And it was nice. Really nice. And when it was done we just laughed about it and kept eating candy. Like there was nothing complicated about it.”
“That sounds so lovely,” Marinette breathed out. “I don’t think any of my sleepovers ever went like that.”
“Oh really?” Lila said, pretending to sound disappointed. “I thought it was common practice for all sleepovers.”
“Sorry,” Marinette shrugged. “I didn’t really plan any kisses for today. Must have slipped my mind.”
“That’s a shame,” Lila said without thinking. “Would’ve been nice to have one.”
She felt her heart jump a little bit when she words slipped out, and she carefully looked at Marinette from the corner of her eye to make sure she hadn’t said something that would make her uncomfortable. But Marinette merely dipped her head and gave a shy smile, a small flush painting her cheeks that made Lila stare longer than she meant to. Marinette cleared her throat nervously. “I mean….it wouldn’t be too much trouble to arrange, would it?”
Lila bit her lip. “No it wouldn’t, I guess.”
“I….” Marinette hesitated. “I could try a quick one? I don’t want to be bad at it.”
“You don’t have to,” Lila mumbled. “I was only half joking.”
“Can I try it for the half of you that wasn’t joking?”
Marinette was leaning on her elbow, looking down at Lila with her hair falling in her face and worrying her lip like she was about to jump into a deep pool without knowing how to swim. It was the first time Marinette looked unsure and scared the entire time Lila had known her and she quickly slotted it away as one of the other pretty things about Marinette that were quickly beginning to grow in number. She carefully lifted a hand and threaded her fingers into Marinette’s hair before gently pulling her down into a short, simple kiss that only lasted as long as it took for Marinette to sharply inhale, tangle her fingers in the pillow underneath her and blink her eyes shut.
Lila pulled away, but kept her face close enough to Marinette’s until their noses were just brushing together. She waited for Marinette to open her eyes and drop her gaze to Lila’s lips, and then suddenly Marinette was leaning into her again for another kiss, one where Marinette bravely moved her lips over Lila’s bottom lip and carefully opened Lila’s mouth into a kiss that was deeper, slower, and sweeter than anything Lila ever shared with anyone.
Suddenly, it was like weeks worth of affection and enthusiasm broke loose between them. Lila suddenly couldn’t get her arm around Marinette’s neck quick enough to pull her back down against the pillows with her, and Marinette was laughing against her lips and rubbing her thumb along Lila’s cheek and resting her other hand on her hip. Everytime Lila imagined kisses like this, she always thought they’d be hot, heavy, and romantic. But Marinette’s hair fell in between their mouths a couple of times to interrupt their kiss, they paused every minute or so to smile at each other and stare before leaning back down, and their teeth knocked together whenever they both leaned in at the same time and didn’t tilt their heads enough. It was so perfect and Lila kept ruining it by smiling into the kiss and thinking that there was no way she would’ve ever thought the two of them would end up like this weeks ago.
Marinette slowed their kiss until she was just leaving short pecks against Lila’s lips. They were holding each other with their mouths hovering close when Lila snickered. “‘I don’t want to be bad at it,’ huh?”
“Leave me alone,” Marinette giggled. “I didn’t want to make it bad.”
“It wasn’t bad,” Lila assured her, pressing two quick kisses to her lips. “You’re wonderful. I feel like I tell you that all the time.”
Marinette rested her forehead against Lila’s. “Well, now a few things make a lot of sense.”
Lila’s hands were tracing Marinette’s shoulders, her back, and the dip of her waist. “Is this okay?” Marinette asked. Always kind, always patient, always something beautiful about her that Lila couldn’t help but marvel at.
She pulled Marinette down again and tried to memorize the feeling of her heart racing and her cheeks aching. “Of course it’s okay.”