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This Is Not a Sex Talk (Yes It Is)

Summary:

"Next time you wanna give us the birds and the bees talk, hand out condoms at the end.”

Notes:

Tumblr fic number two!

You can read it, prompt and all, right here if you're so inclined.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Derek clears his throat as he sits down in front of Erica and Boyd. “So. I wanted to talk to you two about…you know.” He makes a gesture that’s supposed to encompass everything that is Erica and Boyd.

The talking until all hours of the night. The coming over late and smelling like lust and each other. The shared smiles and flushed cheeks when they catch each other’s eyes. It should probably be sickening how in love they are, but Derek’s happy for them. He’s just not happy that he has to do this.

Boyd raises his eyebrows and Erica smirks. “We don’t know,” she says, playing at innocence. “What do you mean, Derek?”

He squirms. Shifts his weight, crosses his arms. That comes off as angry, so he uncrosses them. “You know,” he insists, glancing between them. “You.”

”Me?”

"Both of you."

"Us?"

"Yes," Derek sighs, exasperated already.

"You want to talk about our relationship?" Boyd questions, letting his fingers slide easily through Erica’s.

"Exactly." Derek almost smiles, glad this is going better. "Your relationship and what it means to the pack. How it affect us…"

"Excuse me?" Erica leans forward a little, hair falling in front of her shoulders. "Our relationship doesn’t affect you, Derek."

"It does. Things are different when you’re with someone in your pack. A bad breakup could be catastrophic. I know you’re going to say you won’t break up, but you’re sixteen. It’s going to happen."

Erica scoffs and tosses her hair over her shoulder. “We’re not breaking up. And we’re not going to stop seeing each other because you think sometime in the future we might break up.”

"Erica y-"

"Nope. Was there anything else?"

Derek sighs a breath out of his nose and rubs the middle of his forehead. “Yes. Please, just. Be safe.”

"Be safe?" A smirk has settled back onto Erica’s features and she places her hand on Boyd’s thigh, fingernails scratching over the inner seam of his jeans. "You keep us safe, Derek."

Derek wets his lips and looks away, shifting in his chair before he can manage to look back at the two of them. “You know what I mean.”

"You keep saying that, but I don’t think we do," Boyd replies, obviously playing right along with Erica.

"Boyd." Derek sounds almost pleading. Boyd just raises his eyebrows and Erica’s lips quirk up even further at the corners.

"Spit it out, alpha dear."

Derek presses his lips into a thin line and glares down at the floor between his feet. “When you have sex,” he starts haltingly, voice tight, “use birth control.” He manages to lift his eyes back up to see Boyd and Erica holding back laughter. He glares and starts to stand up, only to freeze mid-movement.

"Wait," Erica says slowly, brow furrowing. "You mean the pull out and pray method doesn’t work?"

Derek’s eyes snap to hers and she widens big brown eyes at him. “Um. Looks like you might end up an uncle, Derek.”

"Erica…" Derek sinks back into his seat and closes his eyes. "Tell me you’re joking."

"I’m… We’re sorry, Derek, we didn’t even…" Erica exchanges a glance with Boyd and grins hugely, jumping up from the couch and bouncing over to Derek. "I’m kidding!" she exclaims, pressing her palms to either side of his cheeks. "No babies for us for a good long time. Not that it’s your business, really…"

Boyd snorts and stands up as well, peering over Erica’s shoulder at Derek. “Is this painful conversation over now?” he wonders.

Derek glowers and wipes Erica’s hands away from his cheeks. “Yes. Get out of here. You’re both lucky I’m stuck with you.”

Erica beams and laces her fingers with Boyd’s again. “We love you too, Derek. Next time you wanna give us the birds and the bees talk, hand out condoms at the end.”

"I hate you both."

Notes:

I'm not sure how often this series will be updated but I have roughly twenty prompts to work my way through. Some of them are finished and ready to go, some of them are not. Again, they aren't related at all and can all be read alone without you missing a single thing.

Thanks so much for reading!

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